How do you stop ruminating over the past ?

I know what you mean. I don't have any serious traumas, but I do have a tendency to ruminate over past wrongs. I know this is stupid - life has a way of working out, but I know it's a bad habit to hold onto grudges

Not booze and dope!

It requires forgiveness and or changing the negative thoughts to positive ones.

[quote] I had serious trauma in my life . I want to make peace with my past and rebuild my life in the present. I get stuck in unpleasant memories and have bouts of anger and sadness.

I recommend writing a book.

Sometimes you just can’t. I suffered a traumatic event a couple of decades ago. I’ve been in therapy for years and I still can’t get over it. I’m broken and I still have nightmares. Occasionally I think about suicide. And if it ever gets to that point where I decide to go through with it, I’m going to get a gun and take out the people who hurt me first. Since the government won’t punish the people who hurt me, I will. But only if I truly reach the point that I can’t go on.

R5, were you gang raped?

Quick note regarding five's comment:

If you decided to do a murder/suicide, do the suicide part first.

Don't listen to that battle axe Lawson.

Just smoke copious amounts of pot, silly!

I have found that beta blockers, like Inderal (Propranolol), will prevent me from going into a loop of stress> bad memories> adrenaline dump>stress...

I have taken it on occasion and found that B-Blockers reduce my PTSD. I was regularly beaten as a child and when the adrenaline starts dumping, a B-Blocker will reset me back to calm.

Plus, Propranolol is cheap.

For me at least I find that the mind keeps turning things over as long as any aspect of some issue is still unresolved, along the lines of, "X did xyz to me . . . and that was a horrible thing . . . but am I imagining how horrible it was . . . did I bring it on myself . . . or if I knew more about the person and what was going on with him, would I really feel as if I had been victimized when in reality it was just one of those things . . . but don't I deserve consideration too???" and so on, back and forth. A person needs validation, whether from within or from trusted others, and a person needs what r3 mentioned, forgiveness (sometimes of one's self!) and changing negative thoughts to positive ones ("I learned a lot from that experience . . . and maybe it kept me out of worse trouble later in life . . . and at least I lived through it . . . others aren't so lucky . . . "). But admittedly it's hard, very hard, to put this all together: We're taught to have faith in Justice in this world, but sometimes you have to go pretty far into the abstract to convince yourself you've gotten it. Good luck, OP--it sounds as if you're on the right path.

B-complex, vitamin D, cannabis, and hobbies.

R10 thank you ! Loved your post ! And r11 vitamin D from sun helps a lot

Forgive is big healer

Yes you are right R13. However, some pasts are almost impossible to forgive.

How long ago was the incident OP?

Anti-depressants, OP -- try one.

I had this same issue, OP. A therapist recommended I keep a journal into which I was to write these thoughts and memories every time they popped up, even if I had written about it before in the journal. I did this for a year and it worked. It has been several years now, and the intrusive thoughts did not come back. It is as if I poured them out of my head onto the page. At the end of the year, I re-read the journal. I was able to view the memories separately and feel them emotionally (as opposed to intellectually). It really forced me to go through the grieving process. It is not a quick solution, but it worked for me and maybe it can work for you.

Cognitive behavioral therapy. If you can't afford a therapist or don't want to go that route, there are many workbooks available on Amazon. Good luck.

Not sure if it actually works, but this is what EMDR therapy is for.

Some trauma you can never get over but your perspective of it changes. If you are going through it over and over in your head it means you have unfinished business with yourself to take care of. It's like an ear worm. The reason we get them is because your brain is trying to remember the lyrics to a song. Sit down and read the lyrics to the song and it usually goes away.

I equate my trauma to popping a zit. If you just pop it a little, it will heal over but what's lying underneath gets trapped. You have to squeeze until it runs clear and the wound heals and disappears. You have work to do to figure out the kernel of the truth about the trauma and what it did to you, past the obvious. How did it change the way you see yourself, change the way you see the world? You need to look at it from every angle good and bad - am I actually getting anything positive out of carrying this with me, some kind of identity? If I work to get rid of it, will I find myself again or will just another part of me be gone? That's a scary thought, but you have to do it to understand who you are now. And once you understand that you can decide if you want to change or accept it. But little by little, once you get understanding, the trauma loses the kind of power it has over you now and either disappears or it becomes just another thread in the fabric of who you are and not the definition of you are, consuming your thoughts over and over again.

R23- Say the song is an instrumental 🎼

Getting away is a nice thing to do. I wish I could go on a real vacation or better yet, move to a better place that doesn't have constant reminders of the past. The reminders are what bother me the most. In front of my house where my ex would pick me up for dinner, I still can't stomach going to the next town over where he lived. Very uncomfortable to imagine. I'll get through this I suppose, but my good memories are in a never-ending war with my trauma, depression, and grief. So yeah, my suggestion is a holiday or consider moving away from your current situation.

"Wherever you go, there you are" is a total myth told by narcissists. In a new place, you will find a more peaceful life pattern. People get jealous when you are considering starting new somewhere else.

As stated above, EMDR, and or CBT/DBT with a good therapist can help.

R20, I assume you meant me r19. I don't know. I have never gotten an ear worm for an instrumental, just songs with lyrics. Have you?

I think my issues are different.....I've thrived over the last 15-20 years in a way I did not earlier in life.

But my ruminating about the past = more a sense of unresolved feelings about who I am now. Or more specifically....despite thriving in some ways with a solid home and a loving partner, the bullying and trauma I experienced as a teenager made me a wary, aloof person, and that's probably cost me friendships and a bigger, better career.

And I'm going through some mourning and acceptance now that, at almost 54 years old, I really am unlikely to change who I am.

I think of the plant in my yard that grows at a weird angle to capture the sun, and it may sound very Oprahish/woo woo to say this, but I think I'm sorta like that plant - had to take a different life path and miss out on some things to get some of the things I needed.

I'm mostly settled about this....but wish I didn't feel that grass-is-greener sensation sometimes, or a need to explain why I didn't achieve all the things others did.

Norma Desmond offers this advice:

"With one look, You'll forgive the past. You'll rejoice, I've returned at last."

Try to move the rumination from your head into your body and feel the feelings rather than thinking so much. That’s what I’ve been trying to do because if you focus on actually feeling the emotion and breathing through that feeling, it passes quicker than thinking about it.

You can think and think endlessly but you can only physically FEEL negative emotions (anxiety, fear, sadness) for a short amount of time before it passes through your body. Not to say the feeling won’t return, but at least you aren’t trapped in such a head loop.

Hugs OP. Hang in there.

This guided meditation (Michael Sealey, Detachment from Over-Thinking) helped me. You don't need to do the whole thing. But if you can make it to around the 15-minute mark and a little beyond, that's what helped me.

Not the OP but thanks for that link, r27.

Find a good therapist, really. I worked with mine on breaking down the moments to see what triggered them. Also, I was suffering from depression and taking an anti-depressant helped. A family member has post-traumatic stress and works with a therapist to manage his symptoms. If the first therapist you try doesn't help, move on. This is worth working on. You lose time and energy to this.

R26 That's exactly right. We can have an intellectual understanding of what happened, but it won't heal us. You have to connect to your body sensations and feel the feelings. Then it can complete itself. Thinking and understanding from a cognitive aspect is not enough. For example, for years I rationalized my childhood neglect. I understood intellectually my parents' issues, and why they behaved the way they did. It didn't bring healing. I had to finally go into my feelings and feel all of the grief and anger. And it sucks because you're trying to live your adult life, and these things often are so far in the past, it's a real drag to take time out to relive and feel a bunch of old business. But it's critical to do if you ever want to truly finish the past and get current with the present. And -- you must be patient with the process, and be kind to yourself. It's not a quick fix, but its a beautiful process of healing, and there's nothing really more important than your healing and growth. And peace. You can move out of victimization and reengage with life with well-earned dignity, compassion and wisdom.

I’ve done therapy, hospitalizations, moved away, quit drugs and alcohol.. done everything I could to forget my tragic abusive childhood.

The best thing that helped me (in addition to all that) was antidepressants.

I can’t explain it but the medication REALLY stops the ruminating and all the negative thinking and bad memories. Of course I still have all those thoughts but they are fleeting and I don’t dwell on them.

I was doing so well I even gave up the antidepressants for a while to see if I was “cured.” I did okay for many months but I did start to notice my symptoms coming back again —the same negative thoughts, memories resurfacing, hurt and resentment, obsessing, ruminating.

Now I’m back on the a antidepressants and feeling better. These pills are not for everyone but they are a life saver for me. Everyone around me notices the difference and for that alone I will continue taking them.

Alzheimer's

The now is all we have try to live in it.

^ Agree, but then again...

Maybe try learning to meditate, and whenever the ugly thoughts start slipping in, go to the place where you can clear your mind via meditating. It does help me

Life is a jungle. Monsters will cross your path, but when you survive, you win. You're a winner.

R36 One of the monsters.

R31, what antidepressant are you on?

Zoloft

I had a tendency towards this, but an increased workload used up any time I had to sit and ponder.

I have a friend who doesn't need to work and spends their time picking over every perceived grievance or slight.

Occupy yourself more OP, something rewarding- take up art classes, gym, something worthwhile.

R40, yes 🙌

Make your ruminations work for you by actively working towards sorting out and finding solutions to your issues. Seek out good self help books and videos, keep a journal, try therapy if you can afford it.

[quote]it's a bad habit to hold onto grudges

yes, b/c the only person it makes miserable is you

Dr. Ramani Durvasala. has a lot of videos on trauma and narcissistic abuse. She's really good. Just for a start or to supplement your process.

Revenge.

Never look back.

EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique

Prayer.

Distract yourself when the thoughts invade. Such as pleasant or non-threatening tv shows. game shows, wildlife, nostalgia tv.

Go outdoors for even 5-10 minutes. Trust me, it will help.

Psychedelics are helping more and more people who are suffering from profound trauma or facing the end of life.

The thread just completely switched when I posted. Weird. Disregard the above.

^ sure think, doll