Let’s be the gym

I'm the nacreous layer of permacum in the steam room.

I'm the January crush of new members clogging the check in, pestering the staff, misusing the machines and generally being stupid.

I don't last the full month of January. Most of these people you won't see again after next week.

I'm the "straight" guy who takes 90-minute showers. Whenever someone new comes into the shower room I immediately soap up my cock and balls and massage it in. If you make eye contact, I will turn around and and start washing my ass, including a finger in my hole. When I turn back around you'll see I'm three-quarters hard. If you keep looking at me, or show yourself getting stiff, then I'll start jacking off. I can keep this up all night. I never cum -at least not that you'll see.

I'm the business plan that relies on them forgetting to cancel.

R3 where was that?

Everywhere in the 90's R5 .

I'm the weird old guys hanging out naked in the locker room, trying to make conversation with anyone within earshot. We never work out and you only see us in the locker room.

I'm the person who sits on a piece of equipment for a prolonged period of time looking at my phone and when asked if they are using the machine, they suddenly get busy.

I'm the eye fucks.

I'm a 10.

I’m sorry, I’m r11, but I just got off at r3’s post.

Do half the posters here live in San Francisco or Chelsea in Manhattan. I've never seen people this overtly forward at the gym.

Maybe you’re not looking for it.

And that’s not a dig at you, I’ve done that myself. Didn’t even notice things.

I’m the MRSA waiting for you in the steam room.

I’m a reader, queasy at OP’s vivid word picture.

All from my own gym:

I'm the closeted guy who goes from the sauna to the steam room to the hot tub and then repeats. Everyone knows what you're up to.

I'm the straight, old man who uses one of the blow dryers to dry his pubic ad butt hair. I also sit down on a bench naked w/o putting a towel down first. I've never properly wiped my butt.

I'm the older straight guy who cuts his toenails in the locker room.

I'm any number of guys who shave and do not clean the sink after doing so.

You are the closeted Orthodox Jewish guy who once flashed me in the sauna. You had a beautiful, long dick, but I wouldn't suck it or stroke it, because I don't want to get thrown out of the place and because you're closeted

I'm the complete stranger who asked to borrow my deodorant stick in the locker room one morning post-workout shower.

Sounds like we go to the same gym, R16!

I'm R3, and my gym is in northern San Diego county. Not a big city, nor a gayborhood. The shower guys aren't there every day -but they are a noticeable feature. I admit that at times I've jerked along with them (if they are attractive). One (sadly, only one) time a really hot, muscled young guy took the shower across from me and was clearly wanting to put on a show. He stroked and fingered himself, and bent over to present hole while he fingered. 8" uncut cock. I was instantly rock hard watching him. He wanted me to jerk off too, and was talking dirty to get me to cum (there was no one around in the locker area at all). When I finally came, he came over to my stall and rubbed my cum-covered cock for a few seconds, but then went back to his own shower before I could grab his. By the time I rinsed off he was gone and I never saw him again. It was a wild experience!

And another cigarette for me.

I'm the decrepit Eldergay, absolutely, positively ENRAGED at all the "towel dancing" done by the young, hot men in the locker room.

I SPECIFICALLY COME TO THE GYM TO SEE DICKS!!! (Also asses, but MOSTLY DICKS!!!!) IT'S MY RIGHT!!!

I'm the lesbian manager who can't hide her contempt for anyone with a dick. Don't ask me a question without bringing a girl with you.

I’m the towel boy

I’m the workout floor and free-weight room, well aware that I’m not one of the stars of this thread. The shower, sauna, and steam room are. Those little tramps!

I'm convinced many of you go to whore houses that front as gyms.

I'm one of the assholes who go in unstaffed hours and leave weights on the floor and on machines so someone else has to clean up after me.

I'm the gym bunny and/or cougar, looking for some straight dick. My outfit is color-coordinated, my sneakers are brand new, and I'm wearing a full face of makeup. I will get on the stair master and pretend to be getting a real workout while I look for aforementioned dick. I'm also going to stand in front of the mirror, by the heavy free weights, and take selfies in the mirrro.

I’m this chick

well, that depends on what her purpose is in using the machine R27

Never seen anyone walk into a sauna in gym cloths and shoes in 40 years of going to the gym.. Nice try.

I have.

Those dudes always reek. The too-loud Beats headphones is a nice, accurate touch.

I've seen plenty of people in the sauna in their workout shorts, t-shirts, and sneakers. They sit there with their earbuds in. Some seem to be regular straight young guys pre-workout, some seem to be weirdo fanatics post-workout, intent on sweating out their flab.

I'm the asshole who is singing along, loudly and off-key, to the song on my airpods, irritating the shit out of people, and who no matter how many times others move away, I just happen to move to another piece of equipment close to them.

"Never seen anyone walk into a sauna in gym cloths and shoes in 40 years of going to the gym.. Nice try. —charlie"

Sorry, Charlie. When it's actually working, I never fail to see someone like this in the steam room at my local gym. They tend to come in, sit down, and fuss with their phones until they need to use the hem of their t-shirts to wipe up their sweat. Invariably, when they leave they hold the door open too long and let the steam out. Once in a blue moon they will take their shirts off, but they always keep the workout shoes and socks on.

R33 these dudebros who are too retardant to know to take their clothes off or too homophobic and scared of the gay gaze probably have black mold growing in their sneakers.

I'm the type so dedicated that I use a vocal timer for my sets.

The cult like persona that surrounds certain instructors and their rabid followers. They use terminology like "who dis?", making them sound like a group of middle school girls.

I’m the fat, ugly guy here to use 5lb free weights for 2 minutes and to walk .05 miles on the treadmill, the rest of my time will be spent as an hour on the locker room bench and another hour in the showers. I’ll be leering at you. Oh and you two ripped hotties think you might have a quick jo session? Nope, not unless I’m involved too, lift my belly & touch my 4in penis!

I'm the creepy cleaner who always seems to start cleaning the worst possible place at the busiest time, I spend most of my time in the men's changing rooms, my floor mopping skills are questionable and I stare a lot.

I'm the ripped hottie who thinks the locker rooms is a bathhouse.

[quote] in gym cloths

Gym cloths?

Aren’t those called towels?

This isn't about the gym but what is it about straight fathers who place their children on top of deli or other food service counter so that the child is standing on the counter in its street shoes? Disgusting - I've seen this over and over again.

That should be on the underwhelmed thread.

Far too whelming, r42 (assuming you're talking to r41).

"I’m the fat, ugly guy here to use 5lb free weights for 2 minutes and to walk .05 miles on the treadmill, the rest of my time will be spent as an hour on the locker room bench and another hour in the showers."

Oh, a Jewish workout.

I’m that friendly married guy with the glorious fit fat dad bod. You wish you could hold me tight against your own body and cover me with your kisses. You smile as you imagine such a scenario when you’re alone at night in your bed.

I'm the cheeky person who returns weights to the wrong rack.

I'm the guy spotting all the nip slips.

I'm the smell of dirty assholes and cigars.

I'm the bodybuilder who gives you a greeting but doesn't want a chat. How's your day going, buddy? You must only nod back.

I'm the song selector machine. Your choice will say so much about you so be very careful.

I'm your sweat towel. Your choice of color and design will say so much about you so be very careful.

I’m the erections in the steam room. Your choice will say so much about you so be very careful.

I’m the guy with an amazing body but not so much a face. I am at the gym every day and treat it like my own private workout room. I will take over 2-3 machines at a time to do my circuit workout totally oblivious to anyone else who might want to use the machines. Just to be super obnoxious, I will sit on the machine looking at my phone for 5 minutes at a time while still taking up 2-3 machines. I will also overload each machine with weights making it impossible for anyone else to “work in” with me which would interrupt my narcissistic routine. Or I will walk away for awhile and leave all my crap on the machine.

And I’m Yvonne!

I'm the two overweight heifers squeezed into Lululemon leggings and sports bras. Even though there are plenty of treadmills, we'll choose the ones next to you so that you can enjoy our nonstop yammering and laughing. We won't exceed .5 mph on said treadmill in case we lose our breaths and can't stop talking. Oh, you moved to the stairclimber? We'll come too so you can enjoy our conversation through your earbuds. We won't last a minute though. Next we're going to Starbucks for Venti frapuccinos and pastries. We've earned it!!

[quote]I'm the song selector machine.

This is a thing? Really? Wow.

Sorry, I’m so unfamiliar with the gym I still call it James.

I'm the one treadmill or elliptical machine that has a broken TV screen and the poor slob who ended up on me had been waiting 30 minutes for a machine!

I’m the co-ed steam room. I’m here because the men can’t have a private one in their locker room without it turning into an orgy. You now get to look forward to every heifer woman coming in, in a teeny bikini and putting her towel on the bench then lying down for 30 minutes.

Sex is evil!

I'm the occasionally bodybuilder who showers after a workout, and isn't hung up on body hair issues.

Always a pleasant surprise.

Song selector machine?

I’m the hideous, out-of-shape guy with a smallish penis, who just started going to the gym and who feels so self-conscious about being around all these flawless men, especially in the locker rooms and showers. Yes, that actually is me.

[quote]He stroked and fingered himself, and bent over to present hole while he fingered. 8" uncut cock.

That must be one busted urethra, R18!