Are gay men more freaked about aging

Oh, right. Women don't worry about aging.

R1- Women need to worry about looking like ALIENS 👽

R1, way worse for gay men .

Well, yeah. You see how we react when our favorite male stars from years ago become old.

never gave it a thought!

Read any post on DL and you see how shallow the posts are . Quick to eviscerate anyone based on their looks and perceived shortcomings. Really fucking sad

Thought I was cool with it - until now 53. Reality hit that I will be 60 soon. A number that seems to give no hope of restarting life. And I need a restart.

From 30-49 gay men become invisible. You are etiher young and hot or daddy hot. Fat gays are just invisible at any age unless they are bears.

R7, stay in the now . Anxiety is caused by fear of future . Take it one day at a time and set small goals at first . Don’t give up

You bet your sweet ass the are.

[quote]Read any post on DL and you see how shallow the posts are . Quick to eviscerate anyone based on their looks and perceived shortcomings. Really fucking sad

It permeates almost every thread, it's true.

And the endless advice: to rejuvenate, protect, slather with moisturizers and "product" and sunscreen; to have teeth whitened to something brighter than the sun; to have skin made taut like a drum and oh so fucking shiny from all those lotions; to make a devil's deal with the top hair colorist in your town and to stop in every few days for little touch-ups; to diet; to go to the gym; to have micro surgeries and treatments scheduled more often than some of you bastards change the litter in your cat's box. To wear the right clothes, drive the right car, live in a good building in a smart neighborhood, to go to the right grocers, to eat at the right restaurants, to travel to this year's fashionable watering holes, and to do all that money and science and illusion can do to look young and attractive.

(One can only imagine the shock of meeting in the flesh one of these self-proclaimed experts on personal grooming and style.)

And then there are the arbitrary and ridiculous pronouncements like "from 30-49 gay men become invisible."

[quote]From 30-49 gay men become invisible.

At 68 I have officially been invisible for most of my life.

58 and have never been invisible. There’s always attention for a sharply dressed, well groomed, worldly older man.

r13: You are either hung, quite wealthy, have access to really good drugs or some combination of the three.

R11 stole my daily to-do list!

R15, where in the world do you live? You are not invisible from 30-49. Please relocate from your small college town.

^ that should have been a response to R8

R16- Men in their 30's peak in their curb appeal. FORTY is the beginning of a long slide into invisibility.

Once you hit 35 it's time to end it

R19- or Bob Bergeron at 49 years old

Gay men are more freaked out about people wearing white after Labor Day.

Bob Bergeron gives every appearance of being the ultimate end of the cliched beautiful gay. If you haven't got the smarts to realize at some point what bullshit fabulous is, you could be dead fucked. But most of them are too dumb to figure out where they've landed and now the apps babysit them. I don't know, maybe the guy was severely depressive or had some real medical or psychiatric condition, but it sure sounded like he just got done in by running out of tricks, literally and figuratively.

I'm 64 and I fucking hate it.

R23- Do you still have sex?

R22- I saw photos of him when he was young and I never found him in any way beautiful. To me he just looked like a HARDCORE scene queen.

[quote]And the endless advice: to rejuvenate, protect, slather with moisturizers and "product" and sunscreen; to have teeth whitened to something brighter than the sun; to have skin made taut like a drum and oh so fucking shiny from all those lotions; to make a devil's deal with the top hair colorist in your town and to stop in every few days for little touch-ups; to diet; to go to the gym; to have micro surgeries and treatments scheduled more often than some of you bastards change the litter in your cat's box. To wear the right clothes, drive the right car, live in a good building in a smart neighborhood, to go to the right grocers, to eat at the right restaurants, to travel to this year's fashionable watering holes, and to do all that money and science and illusion can do to look young and attractive.

R11 Of all of the above the ONLY things I actually do is sort of diet, as in not eating a lot of crap (only a little) and go to the gym - well the pool actually to swim, I can afford either a pool membership or a gym one, not both, and I prefer swimming. I also cycle which saves gas as I drive a big old (and quite rough) car, wouldnt even know what the fuck qualifies as the right car (I guess it aint covered in patches of primer or got a bunch of tools and crap floating round inside), right grocers, right restaurants (I'm guessing it aint Golden Corral amirite?) and I dont do watering holes fashionable or otherwise. But I still do alright for over 60

[quote]58 and have never been invisible. There’s always attention for a sharply dressed, well groomed, worldly older man.

R13 That's the attitude! Go get 'em, like I said above I do alright, and I aint even sharply dressed unless camo has suddenly come back into fashion and I didnt notice. Being slim helps a bunch, add whatever grooming your budget allows and you WILL get attention, maybe not EVERY time but most times you want it

[quote] You are either hung, quite wealthy, have access to really good drugs or some combination of the three.

R14 Well I'm reasonably hung but not outstandingly so, and its not like thats something everyone can see outside of a bathhouse. Not wealthy and I dont do drugs, couldnt afford good ones if I did

R8 not true, fat men are often also invisible to bears.

R4 he's rapidly going downhill

R28 apparently he smokes. That fucks up your skin real good, add drinking and sun and you get what we see here today

R28 serious deterioration in less than 40 years.

No R24, I have no desire to have sex. Everything is starting to hurt (major osteoporosis) and can't get a job in my field so I guess it's just downhill from here. I felt 35 just four years ago so be prepared you young'uns cause it will hit you hard and fast.

Many of the extraordinarily handsome ones fear aging. Also, it’s a loss of power and prestige. Their looks provide them with opportunities to the best jobs, for the best looking men, “A-list friends” and parties, etc.

Once they age, the “friends” disappear, the beautiful and rich are not interested. They’re banished.

Some men, the sensible ones, will mourn but gradually accept it. Others deny it and resort to cosmetic procedures etc. They become caricatures of their former selves. They become bitchy, cold and insufferable, and spend their remaining years alone.

I am finding the reverse. I was a 6 maybe (LA 6) in the face but thank god I work out and have a big dick. My hair thinned and I trimmed it to accept it, got grey and now I get more attention as the sexy daddy type lol. I do hate my undereyes though I will probably get them done,.

I think gay men are more sensitive about aging than straight men. And it becomes even more of an issue if that aging gay man is single.

Guilty as charged.

70% of the people on DL were just born too early. In the coming years there is going to be a fix for aging that doesn't require Botox or plastic surgery. not sure if they will be able to reverse it but they will be able to stop it.

Many men look better with age. I've seen very average men in their 20s who became totally HOT in their 40s.

R32-

BITCHY

COLD

INSUFFERABLE

That's 3/4 of the queens who post on the datalounge.

I went on a trip in March on KLM. On the plane I was writing in a journal for the trip and the steward stops and says are those your memoirs? I said no I’m keeping a journal of the trip. When we arrived I was already off the plane on that air bridge thing and the theme steward yells after me good luck with your journal! It was a real treat to be flirted with especially at my age 59 years old.

Freaking out or just doing what you can to look your best and maintaining your skin and looks and body weight?

The reality is - if you want to feel good and be healthy, you need to eat well, exercise and take care of yourself. Those who don't, age at their own peril.

It's more of straight men who go through life thinking they shouldn't do anything healthy or take precautions that is the real problem. And it's not the younger straight men - it's the older ones who thought doing ANYTHING would be 'faggy'.

Fuck that - straight men who don't take care of themselves look like shit and have a lot of health problems. Many are also emotionally immature and unable to express their emotions. That's on them - but it's an early grave.

I don't have any respect for people who don't have respect for themselves and their bodies. 90% of the time, people cause their own health issues, both physically and mentally.

[quote] Quick to eviscerate anyone based on their looks and perceived shortcomings.

More like just quick to eviscerate.

R39- I generally take good care of myself. I exercise everyday by walking an average of 3 miles per day. I lift weights twice a week. I do sit ups and leg lifts several times a week. I eat a lot of plant foods ( fruits, vegetables,nuts, seeds, beans) and smallish amount of animal products./fish twice a week and nonfat Greek yogurt once aweek. My only weakness is sweets.

not in the least.

when I was a twink all the older gay men died. I'm grateful I've made it this long

There seems to be an innate distrust or jealousy of gay men by straight men, particularly if we look good and are happy.

It takes effort to maintain a healthy lifestyle - you have to get off your ass when you don't want to, eat well, get enough sleep - but once it becomes routine, it's just as normal as anything else.

People think there's some massive sacrifice involved to looking good when you're older - I don't think there is. Yes, it's some time every week, but it's not as much as people think.

The reality is life expectancy is increasing - we're going to live longer than our parents and much longer than our grandparents, who, let's face it - looked like shit.

May as well put in the minimal effort to make sure your body is working and reacting well. And there's nothing wrong with using sunblock and taking care of your skin - again, it doesn't take that much time each day - you just need consistency.

our whole lives have been based on trying to find sex with the best looking guys. Of course we're freaked out about getting old and suddenly feeling invisible.

It’s absurd. Women age like milk. Men do not.

I'm 63, watch my weight, but otherwise just live life. I realize I entered crypt keeper territory as far as gay culture is concerned years ago. It is what it is.

Nobody ever says that the supposedly closeted celebs are too old to fuck. Aaron Rodgers being unfuckably old is not the usual approach to him, for example?

I reject the premise. Daddy culture is huge. I get more attention today at 53 than I did ten years ago.

On DL they are.

Whenever a photograph of anyone past the age of 15 or 16 is posted on DL, there's a flood of posts about the irreparable damage done to their skin and a long list of expensive creams and tinctures and surgical treatments that must be undertaken immediately and for all of the rest of their time on earth to ameliorate the tragic situation even if only slightly. Their hydration, sleep, sun exposure, diet, and drinking and smoking habits are explored and the outcome of their wicked ways speculated upon with great derision. Why? Why can they not keep themselves young and supple forever?

Considered over the hill by late 20s? Only by people who are into barely legal.

I'm 65. I decided quite a while ago to age as gracefully as possible.

As a caveat, I'm a ginger whose hair, of which I have a lot, has not turned obviously grey or white. Very few strands according to my barber.

I look 27, I don’t know what the rest of you are worried about?

I also have a very cooperative metabolism.

R48- You go GURL!

I've been fortunate to be healthy and happy with what I have and the effects of time. I'm not one who is going to slather myself with creams and miracle products, only leave the house by dark of light to avoid the sun's rays, spend many hours at the gym daily, blending miracle smoothies, planning my next round of "corrective/preventative" micro-surgeries...

I can't be bothered to do more than eat more or less reasonably, to drink only socially and in moderation, to not roast myself like a piece of meat under the sun, to walk or bike a lot every day. I'm in my mid-60s, have reasonably good health, I'm decent looking for my age, wear the same size clothes I wore 40 years ago, have friends and a nice life, and still get plenty of sexual attention from attractive men. I count myself lucky and don't go to any lengths to try to keep Time at bay. Beyond reasonable, normal care, what good are dyes and creams and lifts and gym muscles and extraordinary precautions going to add to my life?

I consider myself lucky to have always been happy in the different stages of my life, and content not to wish I were younger or fitter or handsomer or to be someone in a body that's not mine.

R55- You have found the secret. I love your post so much. I wish I was as like you. (I say that with no sarcasm) I am not as self realized but not

I am 45 and this is what I do.

I do take vitamins- K2 that has both of the ingredients needed to be effective, D, C, Multi, probiotics, collagen, and Turmeric. I have the Omnilux Mask for Men and use for 18 minutes every AM. Gym 2 days a week, and just a lot of push ups/freeweights at home. Not gym obsessed- I just do my best. And some crunches/squats at home. Run 2 days a week. Still have love handles and that's because of weekend eating. Retin A at night Sunscreen.

I eat healthy 5 days of week /limit calories Eat whatever I want on weekends only. (If holiday does not fall on weekend, I still eat very lightly) Bottle of wine every Saturday One gay quality-I always liked fashion, so I have good style and that keeps me feeling young. (No I am not talking Hollister and A&F or logos) I like Japanese designers and subtle Italian designers)

No Botox and all that shit, will not undergo surgery-- and when it's my time to go- its time. My family is dead and when the big one strikes- I just want to be put down basically. I will not be one to pursue treatment.

I enjoy my life and do not want anyones attention. I'm in this for me. I gave up on romance many years ago. I look pretty good but I know I will hit the wall like everyone.

May lose my job soon so I may not be as happy for a long time and that is a source of stress that will certainly age me.

Just start a thread with normal reasoning and observations, OP.

Sheesh. Hyperbole has run amok in our age. (literally!)

R56- You say you’ve given up on romance- have you also given up on sex?

Do you still pursue sex?

R58- Hell yeah. I have not had sex in 10 years.. Celibate like a monk. I really gave up on it- I have no game and do not live in a city. Boston is 1.5 hrs away.

Thanks, R56. I have been around some very rich people from college days. Eventually I realized that short of a well calculated marriage, I was never going to have even a small fraction of that. Even a garish display of elbows-out grasping ambition wasn't going to get me so much as a partial rung up on any ladder. With neither of those two things an attractive option, I came to be happy with what I have in life fairly early. Maybe that framed my view of aging, together with always having had many much older friends.

With some people it's almost laughable to see the extraordinary (and often transparent) lengths they will go to in order to try to hold back time itself. In others it's just sad because they ignore their qualities to focus on their vanity. When people are comfortable going to the gym and keeping fit and taking precautions, I think it wears differently on them than when it's from desperation. It's only the desperation and obsession wear badly.

I'm sixty-two, in NYC 40+ years and I seen it all.

I'm the remains of a reasonably handsome guy in great shape. I notice myself disappearing little by little, but I accept that's a natural thing, plus I honestly have better things to do and worry about.

Still, it was a lot of fun being young and desired, but I'm satisfied I spread it around as generously as time permitted!

Because the last generation didn’t grow older.

Too many died of AIDS so we don’t have role models for growing older gracefully as out gay men

Im so freaked out by aging that i wont meet anyone online anymore in case im rejected...again. im considered very handsome...by women...but the gays like my pics but not my older energy. I look younger and i take a great photo...but it doesnt relate to real life. Im tired lol and that energy is only good for a photo lol. I also cant click with the younger guys who ask to meet. Its like im 2 people...chatty, vibrant, witty online but they dont get me, nor i them, in reality. So theres this disconnect...i dont want older guys, ypunger guys Are interested...but in person it doesnt gel. So i feel stuck. Ive started sharing pics where i dont look great so they dont expect the fit guy with abs cos u can only suck in for so long. Anyone else get what i mean?

Aging affects gay men more harshly because many of them spent their youth in the closet. When kids are dating and fucking in high school, many gay men are still trying to figure shit out. By the time they're ready to come out, they've missed a lot of years and many spend a lot of time trying to make up for those lost years. That's why you see so many 30 and 40-year-old gay men haunting the clubs and dating guys too young for them socially and mentally.

Well somebody has to fight the battle against moobs. Even misguided attempts at preserving male beauty are better than nothing at all.

R63- I totally get it-- I would never put myself out there again for reasons such as this. And things never really work out.

I have maybe one more serious mistake I can make in these 3 categories

One bad professional move. One bad romantic move. One bad move. Like relocations.

I have removed the romantic possibility, so maybe I can get an extra mistake in one of the other categories.

These mistakes always set you back emotionally and financially- even spiritually... Romance is a fucking BITCH and I don't want to lose anyone else in life.

They say life is for living. Sure- if you have family or millions to fall back on.

Stick to men your own age and then you’ll stop freaking out.

It’s the guys who desperately want sex with younger guys that are doing the freaking out.

[Quote] These mistakes always set you back emotionally and financially- even spiritually... Romance is a fucking BITCH and I don't want to lose anyone else in life.

It’s also a mistake to live your life being so afraid. In fact, that’s the worst option

Even guys your age want someone younger- that's 1/2 of the problem

[quote]When kids are dating and fucking in high school, many gay men are still trying to figure shit out.

Not me, baby!

I figured it out in high school and I was getting all I could get as soon as I figured out the answer was likely to be "yes"! I didn't miss NOTHING!

Didn’t the heavy moisturizer and gym bodies thing come in with the special men’s underwear, late 80s, early 90s?

I just turned 66 I am well preserved and work out 5 days a week. I don't turn any heads, no one has followed me back into the locker room those days of being externally attractive are gone. But, I continue with my regime, Diet, exercise and prescription skin care despite evidence to the contrary.

R72- You are awesome. You sound like a great guy.

Straight guys are the group most afraid of aging. Unless he's a millionaire, it means the young girlies aren't going to fuck him anymore. He'll be left with his shrivelling, frigid wifey.

And they always shave their pubes to eliminate the gray. Yuck.

R48 is correct. Are you guys living under a rock? Do you even try to date? Literally 1 in every 3 guys under 35 I see on the apps have 'daddy' listed as an interest. Age gaps which would make Reddit combust in rage are totally normalised in the gay world.

Wasn't it always like this?

R74, you are wrong. Old straight men can get women if they have money. Because looks don’t matter to women as much as to gay men. Also most women as they age get more confident and don’t need constant affirmation about their looks. Although they do want to look good (many times to get other women’s approval.) It does seem that gay men fear aging the most.

…some money. they don’t have to be millionaires…