Sandra Lee’s NOEL CAKE

OMG, are we teasing the Kwanzaa cake for the Holidays?!?! Another DL classic!

Not until the 26th, r1…we must adhere to our traditions…

The licorice strings are a BAD IDEA as a cake knife is not going to cut them. Rather drag them over the cake screwing up further an already ugly finish.

This BITCH seems to have an IQ below 90 and ZERO creativity.

Two words: OH DEAR

Does this russipee make use of melk and vanella?

But no strawburrries, r5.

R5 You betcha. Brandy on the side for sipping, option’l!

But you’re not having dessert until you eat my Slllow Cooker meatloaf

r5 And you can get them at the regular groshry store!

Is this another one of those recipes where she uses store-bought, pre-made, plain cake layers? I've never seen such a product anywhere.

Holiday balls? She adds holiday balls. I want $100 of whatever drug she's on.

I don't think they make those spray-cans of frosting anymore. Maybe we could substitute spray "cheez."

Do those store-bought cake layers contain aigs?

What year was this? Today's cake decorators would rip her to shreds....very elementary.

EVerything she ever made was basic as shit in a toilet. There has been no increase in cultural refinement. People were sufficiently refined to rip her to shreds when she was producing these videos. I think its psy-ops of some kind.

I have also never seen nor heard of store-bought undecorated cake layers. Those just look like cakes that some food network interns made off-camera from boxes of Duncan Hines.

I love how she just casually references a product that doesn't exist anywhere. "Just some store bought cake layers." Um, sure, Sandra.

Frosting hides all sins, that's why she needs so much of it.

We plain cake layers in supermarkets in Europe. Vanilla and chocolate. There is one brand that is made with premium butter and eggs and is very good.

This cake is just an enormous monstrosity. It doesn't look appetizing, the combination of chocolate and spice cake makes no sense, and nothing about it says "Christmas." Why is it mint green? And yet there's no mint flavor. Why is it festooned with licorice and birthday cake candles? Why not make a decent layer cake (2 layers is fine for most normal Christmas gatherings) with white frosting and some Christmas sprinkles? Why is it all so complicated, with food coloring, a wedding cake design, cake rounds under every layer, piped frosting (that looks terrible), candles, and a white chocolate-dyed-green-covered ice cream cone that's just going to go in the trash?

Also, was this supposed to look like a christmas tree? Christmas trees don't look like mint-green Ziggurats last I checked.

What was the point of any of this? All of her segments feel like time fillers to pad the show out for each commercial break.

R19 that's my observation above. She is dump as a can of icing. And has zero creativity. She might as well sit on the floor and play with pots and pans. Or make mud pies. Kids make more creative and appetizing food than hers. She's retarded.

dump = dumb. look who's talking

I thought it was a wedding cake idea for The Poors?

R11 Everyone knows she's ON 2 shots of vodka...

Oh, Aunt Sandy, never change.

Jesus.

And she was SO CLOSE to being New York's First Lady. Can you imagine the tablescapes at the Governor's mansion?

She didn't do a very good job of matching the color on the sugar cone to the frosting on the cake.

And notice how the cake leans once she's done with it. That she had a show at all boggles the imagination. But then, it doesn't because Food Network dumbed down a lot over the years. I mean, they had Sara Moulton doing a show - light years away from Sandra. Or Guy Fieri.

She fucked the right people. I think Gordon Elliott and a couple of FN executives. And they interviewed one of her assistants who said she was not all sweetness and light.

But Andrew Cuomo did her dirty. Then she had the breast cancer surgery and the hysterectomy.

Now I think she's with some much younger European or Middle Eastern guy.

[quote]I have also never seen nor heard of store-bought undecorated cake layers.

I Googled, and no, you can't get them at the supermarket. You can, however, buy then in bulk at places like Sam's Club and through food-service distributors.

I LOVE IT!

With cooking like that, I told my son to cancel that bitch before I put a hit out on her.

Good God that’s awful. I don’t like frosting. I like cakes lightly covered with icing.

No wonder Anthony Bourdain trashed her. Yikes!

Instead of a candle on each tier, she should place pre-filled insulin syringes.

Cocktail time!

[quote]With cooking like that, I told my son to cancel that bitch before I put a hit out on her.

Yes, her takes on Italian cooking were outrageous.

When she made baklava using PAM instead of butter, I'm sure my Greek grandmother was spinning in her grave.

[quote]When she made baklava using PAM instead of butter, I'm sure my Greek grandmother was spinning in her grave.

Or, as she calls it, "cookie spray"

Even though the moderators were douches, Television Without Pity had hysterical comments on Sandy’s Semi Homemade show.

I would love to hear Martha’s “views” on Sandra’s recipe, particularly after making her own (perfect) boozy Christmas confection .

It’s cute. I love it.

Happy Kwanzaa, homosexuals!

Oh my, the licorice whips combined with red dots look exactly like boobs. Not for Christmas, but a lesbian Saturnalia, perhaps?

Another abortion of a dessert…it’s so stupid.

r43 I think that was a semi-ho'ed copy of a Martha Stewart creation.

Martha's version.

I got your holiday balls right here. *drunkenly grabs crotch*

Martha’s version looks disgusting too.

Remember Sandra Lee's Lasagna made with tomato soup? She was coupled with New York's governor Andrew Cuomo, whose mother said she wouldn't eat it.

BITD it was possible to buy a 2-pack of unfrosted, yellow cake layers in the pre-packed bakery aisle. They disappeared once supermarkets got their own in-house bakery(which invariably bought frozen layers for their own use) I don't know for certain, but if you spoke to a bakery manager you could probably purchase some.

In some of these videos Aunt Sandy is bordering perilously close to UK "fave" Fanny Cradock. 😵‍💫

r49 I'm 70 and I never recall seeing unfrosted cake layers in any supermarket.

Sandy most likely had her production team buy the cakes from one of these places that you guys have mentioned.

Is she that much of a leech that she stole a recipe from Martha, and a crappy one at that?

r50 Perhaps the availability of the cake layers was particular to my area(Philly) As I remember, they were a popular item because you could do a variety of things with them.

Back then they didn't have frosting in a can, you bought little boxes of Jiffy™ frosting mix, or there was another brand which I think might've been My-T-Fine(?) You added butter and milk and then you were ready to frost and decorate. 🧁🍰🎂

How did did Miss Lee get away with so many of these over-the-top creations? How many viewers did she influence to emulate her? Or did people just show up for the tablescapes?

Reality whore/influencer MikeMGTV critiques Aunt Sandy's bartending skillz

Those cocktails could probably qualify as a biohazard.

Haricots vertz 🤯

Pele has died.

Fanny is the ultimate DL role model, R49.

r56 Did one of Sandy cocktails kill him? Maybe a semi-homemade caipirinha made with bottled lime juice, vodka, and rum extract?

This isn't baking; it's kindergarten arts and crafts class.

Cradle da Christmas balls.

I think I would rather see Dr. Sandra Lee pick pimples from someone’s ass than watching the other Sandra cook anything.

More holiday recipes…get ready for next year 🤗🤗🤗🤗

She kills me when she laughs under her breath after dumping half the bottle of vodka in the shaker.

Has that young stuff run off with her wallet yet?

Does anyone remember when she had the transgender woman on her show? They made an ice cream cake.

R65 She’s got a cake for EVERY occasion. They don’t have to be good, it’s the thought that counts.

I'm surprised at least one of her cakes didn't scream or beg to be killed like the ones in those SNL sketches.

This is the only Noel Cake from which I need a piece.

On the fence about this one; I’ve made something similar, but I used real bacon. And she uses way too much seasoning. Steak seasoning is so salty.

OP- It's not ICING

It's FROSTING

How much did she spend on all of that icing/frosting, I wonder.

Poor Sandra.

[quote]How much did she spend on all of that icing/frosting, I wonder.

Not 1/10th as much as she spend on her tablescapes.

"Chicken Masala" with cream of chicken soup and a bag of frozen peas

Anthony Bourdain said that she should have been taken to Guantanamo Bay to be waterboarded.

According to her Wikipedia page, she’s now producing docuseries and such. I miss her abortive cooking.

"You totally diluted it!"

Everything she ever assembled on TV was assembled with a complete lack of regard for flavor - she'd put chocolate and spile layer cakes together or put orange marmalade on chicken sandwiches. I was and still am convinced that she never actually ate food, she got ALL her calories from "cocktail time"!

I miss her show so much! The Food Network never had any other show that was as much fun to watch.

I know you don't want to hear this, but orange marmalade on chicken sandwiches isn't that bad.

“We’re gonna soak this cake in brandy… Two or three shots is good…. For my old fashioned 🥃 “

I prefer Sondra Locke’s Flag Day Cak.

Maybe she should keep trying producing. Don't let her near another stove. Or cheap dollar store crafts. Or booze.

My favorite is that crockpot meatloaf mentioned upthread. Do you know she put in a can of condensed cream of mushroom AND cheddar cheese soup as well? It looks like a baby elephant 💩!

She was good for a laugh.

I did not know that bacon-wrapped dates and BBQ potato chips are the same thing!

And ... a special treat for gin lovers!

The most disgusting thing I remember her making was potato salad with CANNED potatoes.

Although the baklava where she substituted PAM for butter gets an honorable mention.

Eggy Potato Salad 🤮

Canned potatoes are disgusting.

R85 she says that she’s dolling up the plate of dates with a slice of pineapple, but the she covers it up with the dates! 🤣

Bitch is useless. Rich, but useless. I hope that young Middle Eastern man is draining her bank accounts as she’s draining his cock.

[quote]R66 She’s got a cake for EVERY occasion. They don’t have to be good, it’s the thought that counts.

A pathetic thing is, she doesn’t even come up with the vile cake concepts. The original, time-pressed creator (who also ghostwriters cookbooks) did an article on Huffington Post that’s since been scrubbed. But it’s still discussed elsewhere.

————————

[italic] One woman makes a shocking confession: "I wrote and sold the recipe for the Kwanzaa cake to Sandra Lee and, while I'm confessing my soul, yes, for Christ's sake, the Chanukah cake, too."

^^ ghostwriters cookbooks = GHOSTWRITES cookbooks

(!!)

Bitch, I can go to the supermarket and buy cake mix and cans of frosting. I don't need to watch some overpaid TV deb cook for that.

She is Queen of the Trailer Park!

We do get to see Brycer at one point: exactly what one would expect.

Brycer is gay, isn't he? What does he look like nowadays?

Featuring ... Brycer! She didn't make him up!

Can’t imagine why Cuomo moved on from that.

Awww, Bryce is cute.

Was that cake named after Knoll Coward? I heard he wrote music and was such a chicken he always hid behind small hills.

I can buy sponge cake layers in my city. There's a supermarket that caters to Muslims (halal butcher) that carries them. I shop there for Middle Eastern ingredients.

As for the chocolate cake and spice cake combination, I'm not condoning what she did with cakes, but chocolate spice cookies called mostaccioli are certainly very popular at Christmas in Italy and the US. The spice mix can vary, but most often contain cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, star anise, and coriander.. Sometimes ginger. I make some every year. My point is the combination of chocolate and spices is not unknown.

You can be on Ms. Lee’s side or DL’s side, r100 - you can’t be on both.

I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.

R101 forgot to remind you of who would be providing meals, her or Greg. You make your decision!

R102

R102, don’t be an asshole.

In this case, Team Greg!

I don't have a problem with a mixed chocolate and spice cake either.

Thank you, R105. Welcome to the Team!

Frankly, R105 was so poorly written that I have no idea what he was trying to say.

R103 then r104 is typical Defacto

Poorly written you say @r107? Excuse the fuck outta me! I take it back then.

Fuck Greg. Greg 2023 is dead to me.

R109 rescinds his statement. I wrote too fast before I realized that Greg 2023 was not referring to me at all.

I'm sorry, R105, I meant to say that R102 was so poorly written that I had no idea what he was trying to say. Of course I did not mean you!

[quote] [R103] then [R104] is typical Defacto

Yes! Now go play with the other children.

Thanks Greg @ r111.

How would you do that Noel Cake?

Honestly, R113, I haven't even watched that video. It sounds awful and I really prefer cooking over baking (but I occasionally do bake).

I agree, but most of her recipes are wasteful and not cheap like she claimed. Her Money Saving Meals show was a little better, but the dishes were so basic and pedestrian. Most people could come up with recipes like those on their own.

Her russipees were more like assemblies than real cooking.

When I was a little kid I LOVED canned potatoes. My mother would let me eat them because they were one of the few vegetables I would eat. I kind of get sick thinking about them now…they were so gross! I can’t imagine using them in a salad—or for any reason!

We ate canned potatoes in the Navy when food supplies ran low during deployment. Hard, rubbery and they made the worst home fries you could imagine. Passable in things like soups and stews because they’d soften up, but for any other dish, a culinary no-no.

Seriously, if you want to do chicken masala and you don't want to go through the trouble of making an authentic one, these days you might as well just use a jar of simmer sauce.

I have a theory that her audience was mostly straight guys who only tuned in because "she's hawt."

I was devoted to her show, R120, because it was the only Camp cooking show on American TV!

And she went from unintentional camp at the beginning, to her deliberately high-camp Halloween specials. Damn, that gal couldn't cook for shit, but she was fun to watch.

Nobody doesn't like Sandra Lee.

Everyone prefers my scrumptious and truly superior Noël cake!

Cherry chicken burgers 😳

^^^what is the point of the cherries in the mayonnaise when they’re already in the chicken burgers?

The Sandra Lee compilation

I miss the webpage called Semi-Horrible, which did a review of every show she did. The takedowns were epic. So mean, but so funny. Allegedly she tried to get the site shut down.

You might be interested in this new homocentric channel ...

Wow, she was so useless.

How she got her start.

She assembled curtains and window dressing, assembling meals was the next logical step.

Loving the Sandy’s Gay Son YouTube channel…so many terrible/great videos of her massacring food.

I don't understand this whole tablescape business? I guess it's my upper middle class WASP background where I haven't encountered it.

I understand the concept of decorating your table, she is a tad too extra. The cheap tchotchkes and garish flatware. On one of the shows she had a Harley-Davidson on the fucking table. “Just rent one from your local motorcycle dealer.”. Insane bitch. And she’s a multimillionaire as a result.

Yeah, but like the Trump family, those that she wants to be accepted by will never accept her as any sort of equal.

Who does she want to be accepted by I wonder…

Not by real chefs.

WHET to Sandra?

R138 she does MILF porn.

This woman pops up for on YouTube all the time. Her ‘creations’ remind me of Sandra’s.

If it cold and snowy where you are, snuggle up with the Gingerbread Man!

Hack…she was such a fucking hack.

Easter is around the corner.

Is Sandra Lee on youtube these days? If not, she should be!

Get ready for Memorial Day, cunts!

Happy Kwanza everyone!