What do you think of the looks of every single person who ever lived since the dawn of time?

They ALL had perfect noses!!!

He was no Enkidu but then again, who was?

Between Gilgamesh and Enkidu, who was the top?

Gargamel had BDF.

Abel had a hot ass but he couldn't live forever.

We're nearly two years out from the time of Dawn. She looked pretty good for a castaway!

Lucy was going to have a facelift, but Gary talked her out of it.

Gilgamesh was hawt!

I am the Earth Mother- and you're all FLOPS!

Which Greek Goddess NEVER wore their hair short?

Only Noah's looks survived the flood - luckily we all know just how handsome he was!

LOL, r10!

I thought the primitive Neanderthal Lucy was quite striking compared to other cavewomen!

Otzi the ice man was sexy with a beautiful nose.

Sacagawea was stunning in her youth, but rumor has it she was really Italian.

The Woman of Shamhat may have been pretty, but she was a whore!

The Lady of Shallot had great hair and a so so nose.

Edit: Shalott. Oh dear.

Thanks OP, this is a good idea. If enough of the posters are sure to list everyone whom ever lived we don't have to hear from our resident aspie ever again.

Remember everyone, leave NO PERSON out!

Joan Of Arc was a sista who really cooked!

Enkidu had a wonky eye.

This cracks me up. I haven’t clicked on any of those threads, but they do make me laugh at their weird, Aspie-ness. That one about Michelle Pfeiffer’s nose is particularly hilarious, title wise.

Considering the fact that over 100,000,000,000 humans have been born since the species came into being, this will take a little bit of time to complete, OP.

Meh, I've seen better.

Who was hotter in his prime, Marcus Lucinius Crassus or Scipio Africanus?

[quote] The Lady of Shallot had great hair and a so so nose.

It sounds like you know your onions!

OP, nice to see you again. Last we saw you, you were on the Yazoo thread.

Yeah op I hate that poster with a passion.

Alexander the Great was a 7 who thought he was a 10.

Peter from Boise, Idaho, (sorry, can’t remember his surname or D.O.B) had a handsome face but no ass to speak of.

Hadrian can get it! Anytime, any way.

If you ask me, Nell Gwyn was kinda manly in the face.

Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine had a creepy way of looking.

Erik the Red had a hot face, but the stanksleeve was a total turnoff.

And when I say stanksleeve, I mean STANK. Like four day old rotten fish. Especially if it wasn't bath day yet!

[quote]r33 Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine, had a creepy way of looking.

But he has a big fat horsecock. And that’s how we czarinas like it. Over and over.

Hatshepsut was a poor man’s Cleopatra, am I right?

Enkidu and Gilgamesh were vers. They were the hottest pairing, best friends, lovers, man-god and man-raised-by-animals.

Humbaba though had hygiene issues. The Johnny Depp of his time.

Zeus was hot except for that big gash on his forehead.

That’s a lot of people. Can we start with the very ugliest and work from there?

ZEUS had a vaGINA on his FOREHEAD?

That high handed cunt Nefertiti had a busted nose.

What about ME????

Actually, I had the hottest ass, r5

Spartacus was hot in a rough trade kind of a way.

Honestly, can't believe the new world religion wasn't built around me, and not that uggo from Galilee.

Epic fail, people.

Doesn't the Epic of Gilgamesh claim that Gilgamesh was 1/3 god and 2/3 human? I always wondered how they worked, exactly...

They're saying Jesus looked like this. And he remained single and a virgin his entire life?

[bold]BDF

Winston Churchill’s mom was a disease ridden whore. Literally. But pretty.

Do "they" say that r47? Oddly, to me it looks a lot like Judas, and he was worth 30 pieces of silver, lemme tell ya.

Let me tell you about Deb Messing...

R51 Qui etait cette cunt?

It's Christmas, OP. All that's important is Santa going down the list as in "Nightmare Before Christmas" and intoning:

Nice

Nice

Nice

Nice

Nauuughty

Nice Nice Nice

Nauuughty

Venus of Willendorf had quite big tits but sadly lacked a discernible nose. She would look hotter with Michelle Pfeiffer's nose

But was that Venus IN HER PRIME?!!!

Not just any random part of her life, mind you.

This thread is wonderful, but ironically those threads did rack up many replies, so they weren’t totally frivolous.

The gossip is that Joseph was so homely that even his wife Mary wouldn’t fuck him. She slept around behind his back, then convinced the cuckold that she got knocked up by a ghost.

Countess Elizabeth Báthory had beautiful skin.

What plays should Eucharis have been cast in?

Methuselah's hanging columella kept him from being a 10.

I've had sex with a guy who had down syndrome.

I met him at a bathhouse and he fucked the hell out of me. Big thick cock too.

Queen Anne was a fat.

[quote] She slept around behind his back, then convinced the cuckold that she got knocked up by a ghost.

Who among us HASN'T bypassed a pasty, fug husband for a hot brown man, and gotten knocked up with his seed? Praise the Lord!

Sshh ... Remus had a slightly bigger cock than Romulus. Cuter face, too. But you didn't hear it from me.

R40- You rang?

Excuse me. I forgot the rest of my signature.

Oh really, R66? Let's ask Paris, shall we?

Caligula looked like a horse’s ass.

Cleopatra’s milkshake brought all the boys to the yard.

Alexander the Great could invade my hole any time!

Anne Boleyn's pussy stank.

Katherine Howard had a worn-out hole.

Anne of Cleves had ill humours about her person

Anne of Cleves had ill humours about her person

Anne of Cleves had ill humours about her person

Elizabeth I, the "Virgin Queen" was no maiden and I'm the bloke who can prove it!

Sorry for triple post regarding that cow, Anne of Cleves!

Hades shows classic abuser patterns: grooming, flattery, then isolation from family and friends.

The British Empire doesn't go for booze and dope!!!

I thought Genghis Khan was a nice jewish boy. I was wrong.

David dialed the phone with a pencil.

David always used a pencil to dial the phone. So elegant.

Can I just remind everyone, history books and commissioned portraits can make anyone look good? These are billion dollar industries combining the skills of thousands upon thousands of professionals with one aim in mind; to captivate the public. It’s not real life.

If I’d died hundreds of years ago and you just had my pics by Hans Holbein the Younger to go by, you’d all think I was pretty great looking, too.

Julia Tyler had a lovely bustline and a winning smile.

R83= Henry VIII, who resents Holbein dying before his fat period.

R66 & R67 You're both fat whores.

These bitches got nothing on me

I love you Op 🤣

I've always had a crush on William Clito - such a doll!

Let's face it. Mary Queen of Scots was an Edinburgh 9 but a Paris 6.

And no, you bitches, you don't need to see my portrait.

I was molested.

Abe Lincoln had two beards. The one on his face and Mary Todd. He would have looked a lot better if he got had gotten rid of both of them.

Zachary Taylor relied far too much of his good looks. Rumor has it he sucked a lot of dick to get into the White House.

Average.

Elagabalus was a creepy TIM forcing all of us to validate his fetish and contributing to the genocide of little gay kids.

Joshua, we've heard ALL those stories about Lincoln's log.

This thread reminds me of that video of two eldergays having only 5 minutes to catch up.

Oh, my contribution is:

Enki never skipped leg day and always made sure everyone was aware.

Uttu

was

Uggo

I saw Caligula’s movie. He was hot.

....

Oholibah was rough around the edges.

But I guess that happens when you spend all day lusting after one's lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

[quote]R97: Enki never skipped leg day and always made sure everyone was aware.

'Enki' ≠ 'Enkidu.'

Just sayin.'

Well into his 900s, Methuselah looked 32.

Hot bod, too. He never missed leg day.

Maybe this is R83.

How dare you!

This is me:

I just discovered that young Erich Honecker was really cute! Such a nice man, too.

Leopold and Loeb were not guilty on the basis that they were both hot!

I will say it’s weird seeing pictures of Victorian women, pioneer women and the like, who shunned obvious makeup. They just look so brutally dough faced.

There was a episode on that reality show Prairie House where some distressed, exhausted girl was saying, “I just feel so unclean. And at least in the real world if you’re having a bad day, you can… put on some blush!”

There were some Victorian work around, tho:

Hatshepsut would have benefited from the buccal.

I think this guy's looks are superb. Click to see his coif. He was my husband in a previous life, I can feel it. I can feel him inside me.

R111 Quite deeply?

This is a great thread, OP! I hope there are more contributions.