Let's be "Keeping up Appearances"

I am the Dishy Vicar!

I'm Sheridan. I will never introduce Tarquin to Mummy.

I'm the guy who thinks that show was shit, apart from the guy in the a-shirt, what was his name.

I am the riparian entertainments!

We're the garden gnomes Hyacinth would never be seen with.

I'm R3!

I go into parties I was neither invited or welcome to attend and always take the biggest, smelliest dump on the coffee table!

Since I am truly the nastiest cunt that ever lived, it's the only contribution I'm capable of making in any given social situation!

I'm Richard's erectile dysfunction. Because..well you can guess..

IT'S BOUQUET!

I’m Hyacinth’s sing-song foreign accent, adopted so that Councillor Mrs Nugent never realises my family live in such a dump!

“VAT is IT you VANT? I am a FOREIGNER in your COUNTRY…. VY not PLEASE for YOU to PUSH them THROUGH the LETTERBOX?”

We're the local Chinese takeaway, losing business as the locals think our receptionist is a snooty bugger!

R10 Chinese Takeaway!!

I am Onslow, the only sane person on the show. I just want to be left alone to drink lager, watch telly, and read the racing form, but everyone around me is touched.

I'm the Royal Doulton with the Hand-painted Periwinkles. Mrs. Bucket has 20 sets of me on account of her next door neighbour, Elizabeth.

I get a kick out of trying to visualize the girly queen who starts these kinds of threads. Kinda disgusting.

R14 is the Milkman, trembling with his yogurts every morning by the doorstep.

R9 I think it's supposed to be Scandinavian.

I’m the rusted-out abandoned car in Onslow’s drive that Hyacinth falls into after getting spooked by a dog barking

R17 The dog is in the car, Hyacinth falls into the hedge.

It was so good and still funny. But as social satire it’s outdated and I can understand why youngers wouldn’t necessarily embrace it.

I'm Mrs Councillor Nugent and I. AM. ENGLAND!

I'm the older man who finds Hyacinth irresistible and will constantly pursue her. The writer will return to me - in different characters - over and over and over again

I’m Hyacinth’s grand-niece, Kylie.

“What sort of name is Kylie? It sounds like a foreign vegetable!”

R18, cheerfully withdrawn. I’ve been drinking

I'm the "pearl-white slim-line push-button digital telephone with automatic last-number redial".

I am Rose 2, so much less realistically tragic than Rose 1.

I’m 44 episodes and 2 specials of literally the same jokes and set ups in every single episode and yet still hysterically funny.

I’m the sexual tension between Richard and Elizabeth.

I’m the gay….I mean “divorced”….pianist neighbor. I am a slightly classier version of a DL eldergay.

I'm the dialogue where Elizabeth and Emmett call each other "brother dear" and "sister dear" so the audience won't assume they're a married couple.

I'm Elizabeth's special "beaker."

I am truly the nastiest cunt that (sic) ever lived. < : (

Which, on DL, is saying something. < : )

I am the Dowager Countess who gets the runs after every candlelight supper!

Plenty of nice people on DL, pal. Why don't you decide to be one of them?

I'm the Dowager Lady Ursula's Gooseberry Wune....Wene....Wine!

R26 Visiting PBS stations, Josephine Tewson (Elizabeth) said "Pat decided to end the series." She felt all possible storylines had been exhausted. Today at 93, Pat is retired in Chichester, West Sussex.

I’m Mrs Barker-Finch. I think kiwi fruit are so lower middle-class, don’t you?

I'm Emmett.

Dishy Vicar gets all the attention but I'm low key fuckable too, yet always ignored.

I'm the Major.

I’m Mrs. Lomax. I think I’m going to be sick.

Oh, nice!

“Bog off, Onslow!”

I am Hyacinth's tight fitting girdle. Buns of steel until I'm removed and a billowing cloud of butt fat is released.

I'm the vicar's wife's weird accent and bad acting.

R43 Was the Vicar's Wife Northern Irish or just Irish? She always struck me as a budget Enya.

I’m the vicar's wife's SCOTTISH accent. Sadly, I never had a name.

R45 I have been to Scotland a few times and for whatever reason it sounds Irish to me...

I’m Patricia Routledge’s stunning mezzo soprano. I sound bad on purpose here. Isn’t it a shame I never did Sweeney Todd?

I’m Mrs. Proctors Pickles.

I’m Sheridan’s silk pajamas.

I'm Daisy's thighs rubbing together as she gets juicy over memories of her and Onslow making time in a bus shelter.

And the realization that it wasn't Onslow.

Old World Bijou.

Mind the lorry.

I’m Sheridan and Tarquin heading off the help rebuild Romania.

Can I ask a question? I was watching it yesterday and noticed they talked about driving "5 miles" and "a few miles" -- I thought in England they used kilometers.

I’m Bruce the turf accountant. Nowadays Hyancinth is bragging that I was the transwoman who threw the first brick at Stonewall.

I'm the dog that lives in the car in front of Onslow and Daisy's place and always scares the shit out of Hyacinth each time she walks by. I love my job.

I am the beaker. Of Ill repute, but used for our less fortunate neighbor…

We're the writers who got away with churning out the same basic plot episode after episode.

I'm the cheque being sent to Sheridan

I'm Richard, collared into driving around the countryside in search of Iron Age remains.

I'm the cheap romance paperback Daisy reads in bed which gets her all hot for Onslow.

I am the The Colclough China Company "Braganza" china with transfer periwinkles. Colclough and Royal Doulton were both subsidiaries of S. Pearson & Son Ltd, but otherwise not connected. This makes Hyacinth's bragging even more pathetic as the china is neither Royal Doulton nor hand painted.

[...]

I'm the Royal Worcester Double-Glazed Avignon - Hyacinth's best china, used exclusively for candlelight suppers.

It was really called Royal Doulton Avignon, from the Moselle Collection.

R63 that is terrific. I just can't decide if the Vicar's wife and her awful acting add to or diminish the greatness. Was she related to the producers?!

R63 - totally agree. Why do those 3 shows just hit the gay sense of comedy perfectly? AbFab I get - pseudo gay men. But Keeping Up Appearances is really not gay at all - yet I’ve alway found it funny while many in my family don’t. Maybe it’s the “pretending to be something you’re not”?

R66 I think it wouldn't be half as funny without Patricia as Hyacinth, I can't see anyone else in the role. I remember she said that when she played a supporting part in a Shirley Maclaine movie, Shirley had a loads of her lines cut as she didn't like the laughs she was getting

Hyancith is so many gay men who tried to forget more modest beginnings to appear much more hip and stylish than one would think. Gay men can laugh at her nonsense but also buy into the fact that she isn't a monster, because in some ways, we are her.

R66 Agree it's kind of strange. Particularly since it's actually Richard Wilson as Victor Meldrew who fits most guys here to a T.

R64, that is what the writers wrote, however the green banded crockery that the set decorators used for the double glazed Avignon, is not that pattern. It looks like Wedgewood Shagreen. I can see the writers writing "Shagreen", the set decorators finding a set of Wedgewood Shagreen, the writers changing it from the Hyacinth word to the Hyacinth phrase and the set decorators going oh fuck it.

r54 They have a very strange hybrid system where they use metric for some things (like recipes and gas) but still use miles and the very archaic and unique "stone".

Do you know, R70, I thought it wasn't right but I put my faith in Google. Thank you for the extra info!

I grew up in a town in the 80s and 90s that was full of Hyacinth Bucket types, so the humor was very relevant.

The Hyacinths of today are people who post about their perfect lives online and want to be influencers

Very much last century humor and one of the funniest sitcoms ever. A remake or sequel just would not work as almost no one cares about social niceties and social climbing is relegated to being an influencer.

My mother was an Irish immigrant who behaved with all the pretense of Hyacinth. She doesn’t understand why I think the show is funny. Zero self-awareness.

R75, I think a remake of Keeping Up Appearances with a British Asian cast could work really well - there’s still enough class anxiety and preoccupation with conservative social niceties among Indians to produce plenty of Hyacinths. I think Meera Syal would be perfect for the part.

Getting back to the thread topic, I am Rose's latest (married) boyfriend. I'm a swine for not calling her.

R71 Thanks. I appreciate the explanation. I didn't know that. I did know about "stone" but thought it was archaic.

I'm American - one day I happened to be talking to a Canadian (Ontario) woman in my home town, who wore a dress, silk scarf, cardigan, and old-fashioned hat, and she reminded me very much of Elizabeth, and the church ladies on KUA. I should emphasize, she didn't look stylish, she looked dowdy, in that outfit. So I'm curious, is that look typical of English and Canadian suburban middle-aged women?

You wanted to fuck that ugly slob Onslow

(Normally, American suburban .women don't wear hats, or dresses, just to go out shopping or to the church bazaar. Nor did they even when KUA aired originally.)

I am the sexier Rose. The one without the deep voice. I don't know why…

I'm the dark-wood kitchen cabinets. I'm hideous!

Did we ever see her dining room? I only remember the kitchen, living room and bedroom (with the ugly bedspread)

r84 Yes

I always wondered how she kept her yard so nice when you would never have seen her out there in slacks, trimming bushes, or planting flowers, or what have you. I think sometimes Elizabeth did that stuff.

I'm the prequel that throws out all of the history/back story from the original program.

I'm her father who Hyacinth is trying to forget and 90% of the people on this thread have forgotten.

R87 I haven't forgotten Daddy, he just wasn't a very memorable or well-rounded character, and the actor didn't seem old enough.

r86 Richard did all the gardening

The gardening stuff was another class tell. A “lady” would enjoy doing her some if not most of her own gardening but would find the sort of vigilant indoor housework that Hyacinth delighted in to be boring.

I'm Mrs Fortescue, and I enjoy a pint or two with Onslow!

I’m Violets pool...I get tickled by the pool boy weekly

R76 the same reason why my dad could never stand watching All In The Family. He *was* Archie.

(Mom was a hybrid of Edith mixed with a little Maude and Julia Sugarbaker.)

I'm Violet's husband Bruce who liked to play dress-up with Violet, and he always wanted to be the female.

R54 they use to have the imperial system, but change to metric in the 60s. The serie was filmed in the 90s, most adults could still remember and use miles.

R95 Thanks.

[quote] I think a remake of Keeping Up Appearances with a British Asian cast could work really well - there’s still enough class anxiety and preoccupation with conservative social niceties among Indians to produce plenty of Hyacinths.

Especially with Sunak in charge ...

I am Victoria Wood's Kitty skits that were the precursor of Hyacinth Bucket.

R20- Mrs. Councillor Nugent seemed like a DYKE to me.

I'm also Bruce, Violet's husband, who was a "turf accountant," which sound innocuous to American viewers, but is actually a euphemism for "bookie."

r95 You're half right. We began the switch to metric in the 60s. The last part of that was meant to be changing over the road signs, because that was going to be the part which cost the government the most money. But before that happened, the economy took a hit, there was a change of government and growing Euroscepticism (the metric system has always been linked to Europe and a particular type of person has always seem adopting the metric system [along with decimalisation of the pound] as Britain losing power) meant it was never done. So road signs are still in imperial.

For your added pleasure

So Sheridan had to shower/bathe in his parents' master bath?

Also, I know we have seen it a million times, but Hyacinth would NEVER put vermeil in the dishwasher even if there were a caterpillar in the freesias.

I thought it was odd that they just had an undercounter fridge in the kitchen. Is that common in suburban English houses?

R105, at the time, yes.

R105 the series is nearing forty years old…

[quote]Sheridan's never seen bedroom

We actually do get a brief glimpse of it. In the episode where she buys Richard skis, she hides them under Sheridan's bed

I'm the heavy makeup Patricia wore for the first season and then I was never bothered with again.

It's an odd show. The first episode I ever saw was absolutely hilarious, but then when they kept repeating every single gag each episode it did wear on me.

[quote]Road signs are still in imperial.

I'm sure Our Hyacinth would never have stood for something as Continental as road signs in kilometres!

Under the counter fridges are still quite normal in the UK unless it's a modern refurb. Tall fridges would have been seen as very "American" back in the 90s

"It was bad enough when the Bolshies tampered with the money, but I will not stop saying "miles!"

I'm the gunt-concealing little flaps of fabric on Hyacinth's frocks

I'm the filthy dishrag in Our Daze's kitchen. Fancy a spot of tea?

R84: You CLEARLY didn't stagger back in amazement, did you? Typical of the lower middle class, they can't appreciate find dining decor when it's right in front of them!

I'm always amazed at how many British houses have their laundry appliances in the kitchen (based on TV shows and movies, anyway.) I guess they don't always have garages, basements, or laundry rooms.

I am room for a pony

I’m Bruce’s huge Mercedes. It’s not a good idea to park a Rover next to me.

I’m the riparian entertainments.

[quote]Under the counter fridges are still quite normal in the UK unless it's a modern refurb. Tall fridges would have been seen as very "American" back in the 90s

What utter nonsense. Amongst retirees living in a bungalow, perhaps, but tall fridge-freezers are the norm and have been for decades. Do you also think British police still use whistles?

r117 Comes from having a substantial part of your housing stock pre-dating the electric grid.

R117 it's quite common still

And there it is, in S5E5 Sheridan's bedroom and the back patio door.

R120 we already had those entertainments at R4

I'm Spartacus!

I am Onslow's scratchy balls...

I’m the hyper-academic/philosophical books that Onslow is always seen reading. They add a whole different spin on the stereotype that most people think Onslow represents.

I’m the door connecting the master bedroom to the garage — I expedite Richard's overnight visits with Councillor Mrs. Nugent.

I'm Open University. Onslow's been watching me again.

I'm that same clip from what seems like a horror movie of a woman in a white dress running through the forest that is always on the television at Onslow and Daisy's place.

I think she went by a couple of names but wasn't it Mrs. Councilman Nugent, and later Mrs. Councilwoman Nugent?

I'm Hyacinth's alliteration:

"Completely conducive to contemplating cozy charismatic country cottages!"

I'm Bouquet and NEVER Bucket!

I'm the holiday brochures (pronounced "brawshers").

R131 could it be The Company of Wolves?

I’m the solid silver self-cleaning sauce separator.

I am Onslow's stained t-shirt.

I'm Daisy's libido, still raging post-menopause

I'm Hyacinth and Onslow dancing together on the Titanic.

^I meant the QEII!! Damn, I'm a mess tonight!

I'm Onslow's erectile dysfunction. Because..well..Daisy

I'm the US spin-off that never got past pilot. Moms Mabley turned out not to be a good fit for Hyacinth.

R135 Unless “brawshers” is an English dialect I don’t know, it’s possible Hyacinth’s mispronunciation is a joke: she wants “Bucket” mispronounced as “Bouquet,” but then she mispronounces the real French word “Brochure” as “brawshers.” In both mispronunciations, the accent is on the wrong syllable of two-syllable words beginning with B.

R144 In England the accent is on the first syllable, though it's usually "bro" not "braw".

[quote]it’s possible Hyacinth’s mispronunciation is a joke

Gee, you think?

R145 Ah, then my analysis is based on how most Americans put the accent on the second syllable of “bouquet,” as in the French pronunciation.

I am [italic]la belle musique[/italic] to which Our Hyacinth is drawn like a moth to flame.

I'm the staff at Television Centre, extremely thankful whenever Patricia Routledge isn't in the building. Thank god for all those scenes on location.

Here's a photo of part of the sets at TVC

I'm Elizabeth's errant husband, whom she claims is working overseas. I'm actually buried under her rose garden.

I'm Hetty Wainthropp. I think that Hyacinth needs investigating.

R149 I didn't realize the show was filmed with an audeince. I thought it was canned laughter all this time.

I have never seen an episode with sister Violet. I've heard her mentioned but thought she was like Maris on "Frasier."

I think my PBS affiliate played the same eight or so episodes forever, so that's probably why I never saw her.

r152 Easiest way to tell if a show had a real audience or not is the blooper reel

I'm Richard's gout

I'm the rough trade Sheridan keeps borrowing money to pay for

I'm Tarquin, the bossy bottom Sheridan bumps muffins with, sewing sequins on my caftan.

I'm the postman trying to avoid this Bucket hag

I’m Porky Hooten. I’m very public school.

The Meter Reader, Milkman, Postman, Lorry Driver, Binman, Vicar's Wife, and saddest of them all, Emmet

CANNOT AVOID THE BUCKET WOMAN!

Not sure what Emmet was supposed to add to the show. Somebody for Our Rose to interact with? Otherwise they could have just brought in Liz's husband rather than her brother.

R161 Liz killed her husband, that's why she shat herself every time Hyacinth poked her nose into her business. She'd watched Prisoner Cell Block H and didn't want to end up getting frisked by a randy screw or having to eat the Top Dog's box.

R162 I guess that was in the Bonus Features.

r161 An oil exec who also runs the local amateur operatic society? Plus Hyacinth's delusion that he fancied her

I'm that boring town they live in where everyone seems boring, and dressing boringly, where the endless drives around town look boring, where all they seem to pass are generic houses, trees and buildings. Never a stadium or a movie theater or a schoolyard. And everyone is white, pretty much.

The dishy vicar poked me in the cooter!

R166 Our Rose?

I’m The Commodore.

Sheridan and Tarquin

R169 good grief that house is appalling

Aren't Sheridan and Tarquin students?

The dishy vicar got naked in an episode of Tales of the Unexpected. I've never seen a good quality screen grab, unfortunately.

I’m Richard’s car, which was a Rover 216 manufactured by Rover in 1986. To American viewers I bear an uncanny resemblance to a 1980s Honda Civic sedan.

I had only ever seen bits of an episode here and there..just didn’t think I would enjoy it. Well, over the past few weeks, I have watched EVERY episode. Laughed my ass off, even at the bits they did over and over (the dog, Elizabeth dropping dishes, “pool and room for a pony”, etc).

I was pretty tired of Daisy by the end, though. She bugged me. Is the consensus that they should have brought back Our Rose #1 when that actress became available? I liked her much better than #2.

Oh, back to the thread topic…

I’m Violet. I should have remained spoken of but not seen (like Sheridan), as I added absolutely nothing to the show.

"SHER-i-dan!"

I loved the moment in the QE2 episode where Hyacinth is getting covered in mud while pushing the car and screams "Richard Bucket" instead of "Bouquet"!

Here's the scene. The "Bucket" part is at 2:30. Impeccable comic timing!

I’m the OUR in Our Rose and Our Daisy.

[quote] Easiest way to tell if a show had a real audience or not is the blooper reel

Ab Fab put in canned laughter for the bloopers of the pilot episode which wasn’t shot before a live audience.

I’m Hyacinth’s hats.

I’m the absurd way Hyacinth pronounces brochures.

Bra-shores.

r179 Do you have a link? I wasn't aware Ab Fab had a pilot episode

[quote]I am sister Violet, you know-- She's the one with the Mercedes, swimming pool, and room for a pony!

Has she tried kegels?

R183, it’s the first episode of the show. The titles it “Fashion”. The first season of Ab Fab wasn’t commissioned until a year later by the BBC. The pilot was filmed in 1991. The rest was filmed in 1992.

*They titled it

r185 So you are talking about Fashion, what makes you think it wasn't filmed in front of an audience?

Fashion is the one where Princess Anne attends the show instead of Princess Di

[quote] So you are talking about Fashion, what makes you think it wasn't filmed in front of an audience?

The old French and Saunders forum had people who were part of production.

So random internet people then? You can hear the difference between canned and a real audience, and it's obviously a live audience for Fashion

Fashion wasn't a pilot. The series was shown weekly. The idea for Ab Fab came from a F&S sketch, but Ab Fab was commissioned as a whole thing.

I’m the lustful looks Emmett casts at Dishy Vicar during their “flapper dance” demo.

I am the secret gay romp between Hyacinth’s son and the neighbor brother Emmet.

[quote] Is the consensus that they should have brought back Our Rose #1 when that actress became available? I liked her much better than #2.

I think the consensus is that most people like #2 better. She was funny, and light, unlike #1.

I'm the Vishy Dicker.

Well, technically he's the Vishy Dicar, but, you know.....

Golden Girls is better. AND so is fucking Designing Women.

R197 What does either show have to do with Keeping Up Appearances?

I'm "The Pioneer Woman," the only other show that regularly features someone named "Hyacinth."

I’m the Valium our Rose takes to slow herself down to a more religious speed.

“This being a nun feels GOOD!”

Dame Patricia turns 94 today.

She was interviewed a month ago for a Keeping Up Appearances documentary, and she looked good!

I'm Hyacinth's dildo.

R204 are you in the dishwasher beside the cut crystal?

r205, my heart stops when I see the vermeil in the dishwasher.

[quote]has never married and has no children

I didn't realize that.

Aww, R203, I didn't know Josephine Tewson died.

She really does look great for 94!

I’m Hyacinth’s niece, Kylie. I don’t know who the father of my kid is. I live in a hippie caravanette.

Hyacinth's niece is Stephanie - Stephanie's daughter is Kylie ("sounds like a foreign vegetable" says Hyacinth).

I'm "Turn left here."

I am the Derger Laydyy Urshula'sh hommmmemade goosheberry winnnne.

I am Mrs. Councillor Nugent, growling in a chemise and carrying a whip, ready for my closeup.

I’m Onslow’s ginger armpit hair complementing his ecru fair-isle sweater vest.

R213 is worse than Adolph Hitler, a low class painter who wouldn't know how to dress for a dinner party if his life depended on it, the Austrian ass. And clearly has sub-par reading skills and likely sings on coach trips.

I WILL NOT have my original post with full recounting of the Dowager Lady Ursula's Homemade Gooseberry Wine be upstaged by a council flat dweller!!

I'm Richard, minding the pedestrian.

I'm Elizabeth's husband, my corpse is under the shrubbery

I'm the stone wall Hyacinth climbs over trying to escape being noticed, I got a good feel of those muffins!

Are you aware that Hyacinth was a lesbian IRL?

I’m Hyacinth making careful note of which glass Elizabeth’s husband drinks from on his return from the Middle East.

R220 Was? Pat is alive and Hyacinth is married to Richard and lives very clean life also in her comfy bedroom.

Hyacinth is a provincial heterosexual. Dame Patricia Routledge does enjoy the company of women.

[quote]a provincial heterosexual

R223 Did you just make that up?

One must always learn their lines when doing a stage show. It's the mark of the trained actress.