"But the election was stolen"
Let's be a terrible Thanksgiving
|by Anonymous||reply 89||November 25, 2022 5:12 PM|
"Brandi, is this husband four or five? I can't keep track anymore"
|by Anonymous||reply 1||November 23, 2022 11:53 PM|
Oh please do keep telling us stories about where you won't shop because it's beneath you!
|by Anonymous||reply 2||November 23, 2022 11:56 PM|
I’m the Stovetop stuffing
|by Anonymous||reply 3||November 23, 2022 11:56 PM|
I'm the grandkid with the tattoo and I am the least loved.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||November 24, 2022 12:04 AM|
Choking down some hella dry turkey or super salty damn ham.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||November 24, 2022 12:07 AM|
I'm verifying who made the potato salad before I eat it.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||November 24, 2022 12:08 AM|
I'd like to say a few words about my cis, white, straight dad before we proceed.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||November 24, 2022 12:13 AM|
According to Newsmax....
|by Anonymous||reply 8||November 24, 2022 12:16 AM|
I'm covid and I am set to turn dinner into a super-spreader event.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||November 24, 2022 12:33 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 10||November 24, 2022 12:38 AM|
In a religious teetotaler family I'm the only drinker. At the table everyone looks sideways at my red Solo cup.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||November 24, 2022 12:41 AM|
I'm the four pumpkin pies people brought, and no chocolate or cherry or apple ...
|by Anonymous||reply 12||November 24, 2022 12:41 AM|
I'm the youngest daughter's weird vegan boyfriend.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||November 24, 2022 12:55 AM|
Well, you know, in fairness r6, maybe some verification is necessary.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||November 24, 2022 12:56 AM|
I'm the Mormon Tabernacle Choir playing in the background
|by Anonymous||reply 15||November 24, 2022 1:25 AM|
I’m the new pronouns that must be used for various family members, this is going to be mine field.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||November 24, 2022 2:27 AM|
I'm the frozen turkey that the hosting newlyweds didn't realize they needed to start thawing last Saturday!
|by Anonymous||reply 17||November 24, 2022 2:37 AM|
But her emails….
|by Anonymous||reply 18||November 24, 2022 3:18 AM|
I'm the commercially-made, bagged croutons. Sprinkle me on the bagged "spring mix" salad. Then, glug some commercially-bottled dressing on me.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||November 24, 2022 3:23 AM|
"I get that they died in a shooting and that's tragic and all, but they are perverts and aren't getting into heaven."
|by Anonymous||reply 20||November 24, 2022 3:26 AM|
my mil's baked mac and cheese. With diced onions (the store bought pre-chopped) mixed in.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||November 24, 2022 3:29 AM|
“You need oven space AND my cook top? I serve dinner in 20 minutes.. I know; you can use my stove in 20 minutes. Touch anything and you’ll pull back a stump, Aunt Fran.”
|by Anonymous||reply 22||November 24, 2022 3:34 AM|
I’m all the recyclables in the trash bin because the recycle bin has already been filled with trash. Or vice versa.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||November 24, 2022 3:38 AM|
Let's be a typical Thanksgiving
|by Anonymous||reply 24||November 24, 2022 3:42 AM|
I’m your father’s newest wife who is committing the mortal sin of hanging out with the guys drinking beers out on the deck while the other women cook.
I will never be accepted into the family because of this.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||November 24, 2022 3:49 AM|
"You know what is wrong with JOE FUCKING BIDEN?"
|by Anonymous||reply 26||November 24, 2022 3:55 AM|
The election WAS stolen.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||November 24, 2022 4:28 AM|
“If only the teacher had a rifle…”
|by Anonymous||reply 28||November 24, 2022 4:32 AM|
“Remember Mrs. Letts? They say she pointed out the kids she wanted shot first!”
|by Anonymous||reply 29||November 24, 2022 9:50 AM|
“I do, and and I do, and I do for you kids, and this is the thanks I get!”
|by Anonymous||reply 30||November 24, 2022 9:52 AM|
“Which one of you is the wife?”
|by Anonymous||reply 31||November 24, 2022 9:53 AM|
I'm the clogged kitchen sink.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||November 24, 2022 9:53 AM|
“What do you mean you feel like a woman? What does a woman feel like?”
|by Anonymous||reply 33||November 24, 2022 9:58 AM|
What’s wrong with Ron DeSantis?
|by Anonymous||reply 34||November 24, 2022 9:58 AM|
I’m the troubled cousin, passed-out on the front lawn.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||November 24, 2022 10:07 AM|
I'm the one annoying Vegan family member who can't eat ANYTHING on the table except the lame salad I brought.
And I'm going to bitch about it all night.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||November 24, 2022 10:28 AM|
I’m the alcoholic friend that you didn’t want to invite but your other friend begged you to give him a chance. I’ll pour a bottle of red wine all over the table trying to fill my glass. I’ll then pour what did make it into the glass on your living room rug and into another guest’s expensive handbag before falling over the couch and passing out. On my way out, I’ll vomit repeatedly and leave little piles of vomit all down your front steps and sidewalk.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||November 24, 2022 12:35 PM|
I'm the terrible jello (lime and strawberry with cream cheese) made for the first time by the 14-year-old niece.
I melt when taken out of the mold. The niece starts crying and everyone has to stop eating to comfort her.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||November 24, 2022 12:44 PM|
I'm the gravy in the refrigerator.
At 3 a.m., obese Aunt Heather sneaks downstairs and drinks me straight from the gravy boat.
I taste better warmed, but ok.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||November 24, 2022 12:45 PM|
"Let me tell you all about how woke the military has become. It's a travesty I tell you.."
|by Anonymous||reply 40||November 24, 2022 12:48 PM|
I'm the one dog that couldn't be left at home, when everyone was told no dogs. I might be cute in pictures, but I'm a fucking hyper, untrained piss bag. You'll find my hostess gift(s) sometime before the new year.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||November 24, 2022 12:51 PM|
I'm the one dog who was left at home even though I'm a sweet well trained companion. I spend my 8-hour day alone, ripping up a toilet roll.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||November 24, 2022 1:01 PM|
"Stop deadnaming me."
|by Anonymous||reply 43||November 24, 2022 1:10 PM|
I’m miss sissyboodles who starts vomiting violently in the middle of dinner and needs to taken to the emergency vet
|by Anonymous||reply 44||November 24, 2022 1:10 PM|
"I know it's not the greatest Thanksgiving meal, but it's all I could afford, thanks to Joe Biden raising the prices of everything."
|by Anonymous||reply 45||November 24, 2022 1:26 PM|
I’m the loose floor rug. I bring on mom’s broken hip just before dessert.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||November 24, 2022 1:39 PM|
“Only n*****s eat Mac n cheese at thanksgiving.”
|by Anonymous||reply 47||November 24, 2022 1:47 PM|
I'm the perv uncle telling the tweens how fast they grew
|by Anonymous||reply 48||November 24, 2022 2:08 PM|
I'm the drunk aunt who kisses her nephews too much
|by Anonymous||reply 49||November 24, 2022 2:48 PM|
I’m raw turkey.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||November 24, 2022 3:06 PM|
If I can accommodate your feelings by accepting you as a boy, you can accept my feelings that Clarabelle is a lovely name. Besides, I’m too old to learn a new name for you.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||November 24, 2022 3:16 PM|
I’m the smell of weed coming from the garage.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||November 24, 2022 3:26 PM|
This happened this morning so everyone will be discussing. My 22 yo niece posted a FB screed about the evils of celebrating Thanksgiving and white people and the subjugation of the native Americans.
She's camping with her ethnic, bi bf who insists on being called they/them so she won't be there in spirit but all the oldsters will be talking about her.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||November 24, 2022 3:44 PM|
I'm the ice-cold mashed potatoes brought over 15 minutes before dinner is served by my passive-aggressive sister.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||November 24, 2022 4:35 PM|
I'm alone, broke, no cigs or weed, dinner is ramen.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||November 24, 2022 4:50 PM|
I'm the only alcohol available. Who's having a taste?
|by Anonymous||reply 56||November 24, 2022 5:05 PM|
“Has it really been twenty-five years since INXS’ Michael Hutchence died from AOC?”
|by Anonymous||reply 57||November 24, 2022 5:49 PM|
I'm Hunter Biden's Stove Top Stuffing
|by Anonymous||reply 58||November 24, 2022 5:58 PM|
I'm Beau Biden
|by Anonymous||reply 59||November 24, 2022 7:04 PM|
No one is eating the gelatinous, just plopped from the can, cranbury sauce. Now...it's melting into a puddle of red goo, and looking more disgusting as the dinner goes on.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||November 24, 2022 8:54 PM|
"This country is being taken over by the n****** and the f******
|by Anonymous||reply 61||November 24, 2022 9:35 PM|
I’m Uncle Bottom’s sausage stuffing.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||November 24, 2022 11:30 PM|
I'm the mysteriously overflowing toilet that no one will admit to clogging.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||November 25, 2022 1:26 AM|
I'm Aunt Sarah attempting to call a plumber on holiday.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||November 25, 2022 1:26 AM|
I'm the plumber describing the hideous clog he had to snake out of the toilet and showing photos he captured while everyone is eating dessert.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||November 25, 2022 1:27 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 66||November 25, 2022 1:35 AM|
I'm the four-year-old "prodigy" sitting on an adult chair squeezed at the table because the mother said, "My child will not be infantilized with the slower children in the breakfast room!" suddenly and explosively shits his pants and guess what gets flung across the table right at Grandma, the mother-in-law?
|by Anonymous||reply 67||November 25, 2022 2:15 AM|
I'm the toxoplasmosis being delivered in the cream cheesed celery brought in by Fat Pat "The Cat Cousin."
Does the baby lick Mommy's finger for a wee tang of cream cheese?
|by Anonymous||reply 68||November 25, 2022 2:18 AM|
I'm your always perfect sister in-law who hate you, but with a smile.
I don't let my kids eat anything with sugar or palm oil, or transgenic, etc. I'm ruining my kids relationship with food forever and and they will never feel good enough for my standards
|by Anonymous||reply 69||November 25, 2022 2:29 AM|
I’m the gal with six children, who thinks announcing the news that the impending 7th is on the way, thinking it’s a swell way to cap off the evening.
The odd silence is broken by the sound of her husband’s shotgun firing in the carport. Autopsy will reveal it the head wound was self-inflicted.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||November 25, 2022 3:10 AM|
I'm that first blowjob someone gets down in the rec room and it ain't from Aunt Jo.
|by Anonymous||reply 71||November 25, 2022 3:19 AM|
I'm old ass drunk Aunt Jilly lamenting through copious tears the same old story of how your Grandma fucked the love of my life 50 years ago, destroying forever the most important relationship of my life! SO WHAT IF WE HAD ONLY BEEN TOGETHER FOR THREE WEEKS! The only one paying attention to me is the family Boxer who greedily eyes the big turkey leg I'm asent mindedly waving around as I relate this great tragedy. Though not in appearance, I still remind everyone if Eunice of "Mamas Family" in demeanor.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||November 25, 2022 4:21 AM|
R69 I’m also the smug sister in law who’s always high on marijuana oil. That processed ingestible is magically ok.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||November 25, 2022 4:41 AM|
I'm the poop in the toilet. Someone forget to flush....
|by Anonymous||reply 74||November 25, 2022 4:51 AM|
I'm the deadly silent acrid turkey farts haunting the living room. The entire house will need an exorcism after the guests depart.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||November 25, 2022 4:51 AM|
I am the mom that right after dinner demands that all her grown kids go up in the attic and pull all the Christmas decorations down, resulting in the fat slob brother putting his foot through the ceiling of the hallway and the others being relegated to sorting and untangling miles of ancient lights for both inside and outside.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||November 25, 2022 5:05 AM|
I'm the text R77 got from today's hosts stating they tested positive for Covid and the dinner is cancelled, leaving R77 and other guests alone and too late to make other plans. Seriously. This happened.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||November 25, 2022 5:24 AM|
That sucks, R77, but much better than getting a text tomorrow informing you that you were exposed to Covid after spending several hours in close contact with your hosts.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||November 25, 2022 5:42 AM|
That is true.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||November 25, 2022 5:42 AM|
'I thought I'd try a new recipe for the stuffing this year.'
|by Anonymous||reply 80||November 25, 2022 5:57 AM|
"We're doing a vegan Thanksgiving this year."
|by Anonymous||reply 81||November 25, 2022 7:02 AM|
“I told you I can’t eat gluten! Aunt Barb needs to get out of the bathroom! You fucking made me sick, ma!”
|by Anonymous||reply 82||November 25, 2022 7:10 AM|
“Yes, the coffee is decaffeinated. How did you guess?”
|by Anonymous||reply 83||November 25, 2022 7:16 AM|
"Are these rolls store bought?"
|by Anonymous||reply 84||November 25, 2022 9:54 AM|
I'm the sad realization that no one keeps a plunger in their bathroom.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||November 25, 2022 9:57 AM|
I’m the Native Americans.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||November 25, 2022 1:26 PM|
I had a terrible Thanksgiving.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||November 25, 2022 2:11 PM|
I am the Uncle who is singing all the songs to White Christmas in real-time and still getting the lyrics wrong. I sing along with it but in more of a hum.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||November 25, 2022 2:25 PM|
I'm the mother-in-law to the lady of the house passively/aggressively talking shit from the time I walk through the front door, through dinner, and as I'm leaving. "Oh, Diane! I'd have come and helped you clean the house before everyone came. Why didn't you call me?" - "In all the years I cooked for Frank and the kids, I NEVER served store bought ANYTHING! Go on, Timmy. Eat your pie. Gammie will make you a real one when you come and stay!" - "Thanks for having me again, Diane! It's so nice to eat with women who have hearty appetites. I love it that you're so confident in yourself!"
|by Anonymous||reply 89||November 25, 2022 5:12 PM|