What to do with friends who never return texts or calls.

I call them FORMER friends 😜

Someone needs a wake-up call.

You know, it's not all about you OP. Maybe they have lives and other commitments (family or otherwise). Some may be going through a deep depression (this has been me in the past). But usually I'll answer at some point; just not on a specific timeline, right away or within 24 hours.

My best friend in the past, when faced with a very belated response from me, won't really address the lateness per se. But she may stop messaging me for awhile. She has a life and other things to do. Eventually, we'll pull back together and talk. We've been friends for over 30 years now.

I blocked a friend who travelled 400 miles to my city but didn’t tell me he was visiting. I had had enough of his narcissistic bullshit.

Punch and delete.

I always laugh when people say "they're too busy" to return a call. Like, who the hell buys that?

Don't do anything. I don't get anything back, I don't call or text them back. Simple.

🤔 Humiliate yourself.

First, start a threat regarding your trauma and igdignance on DataLounge.

Next, call every single one on those fake friends and beg them to take you back because you are a suck for humiliation and abuse.

You should take it extremely personal and never, ever let go of or forget about it.

Eventually they will bend to your will.

It’s rude if a friend or family member doesn’t respond to a text within 24 hrs. If it is chronic, don’t text em anymore.

Next time return their rudeness and do it to them

I have this problem often with my friends. I will text them in the morning about getting together that evening for dinner - giving them enough time to get back to me. I also ask them point blank not to keep me 'dangling', so that if they can't make it I can make other plans. More often than not, I hear nothing back from them (so I make other plans by 4 pm). When I ask about it later, I get a "Sorry - I was busy that day" or "I don't know if I got your text..." with a look of faux surprise.

When they text me to make plans, I try to ignore them - but they don't give up. They keep texting, calling, calling on my work phone, etc. until I respond. Their excuse for the constant calls all day was "I was worried about you !"

You sound very needy, OP. I'd probably ghost you as well.

I'm 56, but I never got into the whole mobile phone thing. I use it when I need to, otherwise it sits on my headboard in my bedroom and I don't pay any attention to it. I often don't see texts or voicemail until a day or two after I get them. I never think to check it.

I am those people. Some people text me 10 times a day. Am I really supposed to be on standby 24/7 to respond to all those texts? I don't think so. There are some cases when I deliberately waited a full day, simply because I didn't want to support this always-on attitude. Want to cut me off for that? Go ahead, I might be fine.

"Punch and Delete" used to be the go-to method!

I do the same thing back. The ones who don't give shit about you will drop off entirely in due course, with no drama or hurt feelings.

I have a neighbor, not really a friend, but friendly enough that I've been to her house and parent's house. She takes care of her elderly parents. My brother died two years ago. I told her, but I didn't expect anything from her...not even a card. Then, whenever I would see her....she'd say, "Oh...I've been meaning to send you a card, I feel so bad." She mentioned it a couple of times, when enough time has passed after my brother's death. At that point, why bring it up? I mean, how long does it take for you to buy, sign and mail out a card? It got very annoying. She's selling her house now...and honestly, I'm glad.

I think the narcisstic one is the one who expects the reply. No one owes you anything. You do your life and be grateful for whatever others offer. It’s like people who set strict rules around anything - drama and neediness. No thanks

I’m hang person sometimes. If it’s time sensitive I try to replay right away. I get distracted and on the weekend I kind of want to drop out of the world

OP, your so called friends do not respect you. State and maintain your boundaries.

I had a friend who did the same, r4. She'd say we should get together over the weekend, then stop responding until after the weekend, and lie and say she never made it into town. The problem was, I saw her twice, I knew she was here. I was irritated because I hadn't even been contacting her, she was contacting me.

After I dumped her I found out from mutual friends that she was telling everyone we were still friends, I was fine, my parents were fine, etc. etc. except my dad had just died, so I was having people say "Oh, Laura said she talked to you yesterday, I hear everything's going well with your parents?" and I'd have to say no, dad died, I haven't spoken with Laura in a year, she's lying to you. That was fun.

She's a fundie Christian, of course.

[quote]It’s rude if a friend or family member doesn’t respond to a text within 24 hrs.

No, it’s not. People have lives.

[quote]I blocked a friend who travelled 400 miles to my city but didn’t tell me he was visiting. I had had enough of his narcissistic bullshit.

Why does someone have to broadcast they’re visiting a city? Sounds like the narcissistic one is you. I’m visiting Vegas but I’m not going to tell my friends who live there. I’m busy enough in those two days without trying to coordinate to meet up.

I don't know. Good manners and consideration are becoming a thing of the past. Maybe a quick text within 24 hours isn't unreasonable. At least, an acknowledgment...unless, you don't want anything to do with that person.

[quote] I call them FORMER friends 😜

If I did that with every person who fails to reply to my emails or texts, I wouldn't have any friends at all!

I say, OP, use these people for your own purposes and don't consider them friends nor rely upon them for anything.

And if these same people contact you for something, don't address it but say something back like hey stranger, glad you're still alive. If it's a social invitation, i decline weeks or months later.

Me, I don't follow my one day rule but respond when it suits me.

It's rude. No one is that busy. Saying they are busy is just an attitude and that you are not very important to them.

In New York, the standard answer to "how are you?" is "I'm busy" which means they are fine 🙄

And what’s the followup to I’m busy?

Send em a pucker selfie. Either end, your choice.

Ghost em

[quote] And what’s the followup to I’m busy?

Present hole.

You need to annoy someone who can't really ditch you.

Like I spam my sis constantly with annoying wintbrain shit about sports that she doesn't care about, and likewise she does the same with memes I don't find funny or crap about her soaps & reality shows. We just mutually irritate each other, while also getting the relief of pouring out our obsessions into a space judgment-free space.

A pertinent read for OP:

Ghost em and then start haunting them.

Stop being a quivering pussy all of your life! Be a man and do something!

Eat the Ferrero Rocher they would have received at Xmas, in front of them.

R34 If you ignore texts and emails, how do you get anything done?

Tell your friends it's Minnow Season and so you simply must be going.

My pussy quivers with fear of meat

OP I posted a similar thread a couple days ago about two friends who either take forever to respond or don’t respond at all 😂

I realized reading the responses from DLers on my thread that I need to check myself. Take a step back and be more reasonable and scale down my texting to the people who aren’t responding and see what happens. Maybe people are busy or don’t feel like writing back or maybe they find whatever you are sending annoying. And that’s okay. It’s stings for sure. But some people who text me annoy me at certain times, it doesn’t mean that I can’t stand them and I never want to see them again. I’m just the type of person who responds to texts very promptly because I’m nervous nelly and a MARY in general. But not everyone is like that and that’s fine.

Also, I was saying I text these two friends once or twice a week so it’s not very often, and responses pointed out that this actually is very often. So I reframed and realized clearly it’s too much for these specific people and I should calm down and adjust my behavior.

Unless a friend is ghosting you altogether or treating you like shit, it doesn’t seem worth cutting people off. Especially as I get older, I realize it’s better to give people space and see what happens unless the behavior is egregious and makes you feel terrible.

But yeah… I hear you.

When it comes to emails, I get crippling anxiety reading and answering them. Dry mouth and palpitations and muscle tension, the works. Idk why. It's like sending a letter but without the relief of knowing the recipient won't even get the message in their hands for a week.

Texts don't bother me as much though, I guess because I see it more like a spoken conversation transcribed.

[quote] Also, I was saying I text these two friends once or twice a week so it’s not very often

Once or twice a week? I can’t imagine texting people this much.

It's a proportional thing for me: the more I dislike someone, the longer I take to reply (if at all).

Let's remember some of us grew up when if you weren't home, you missed the call. No answering machines, no voice mail. Personally I kind of resent being available 24/7 to everyone. Sometimes I put off answering texts or calls because I don't feel like being on the phone just because you do. Then I forget about them.

R43 exactly - which is why I needed to reframe and realize the issue is me. I have a handful of friends where we text each other almost daily - but *many* people feel smothered and annoyed by contact once or twice a week. So I need to take the hint and step back 😳

The DLers were quick to point this out and I appreciate it.

If I don't want to talk or have nothing to say, I just send an emoji.

R47 yes, dry texting always gets the message across. I favour the chick shrugging in the eggshell, but you can also use upside-down smiley or thumbs up for the same effect.

Power move: when you're on a call to someone and you've had enough, say "I've got minutes, literally a couple of minutes" thus ensuring the other person wraps up the conversation for you.

[quote]I'm 56, but I never got into the whole mobile phone thing. I use it when I need to, otherwise it sits on my headboard in my bedroom and I don't pay any attention to it.

Like many Dlers, it will always be 1990 for you. The rest of us participate in modern life.

When I fart it feels like heaven

Be thankful

[quote] "I've got minutes, literally a couple of minutes"

Some people start off the conversation with that. I usually tell them to call me when they have the time and are not so harried. Click. No one tries that dick move on moi.

OP needs to learn to take a hint.

OP an experiment is to not text or call the questionable friends who won't reach out. Respond if they reach out to you, obviously, but decide that you'll wait and let them take that step.

I did that with one friend a year ago. Haven't heard from her since. If she got in contact now, I would respond, but I got tired of chasing her ass down all the time and sure enough - when I stopped chasing - she disappeared completely.

If something happens to you more than once or twice, it's YOU.

Accept what you cannot change.

Get a dog. Even a cat would have issues with you.

I've been going through this for the past few years with relative I was extremely close with, we were like siblings.

They've been ignoring texts and emails. Their former excuse was that they were "too busy with work" and came home "exhausted" and "just want to chill at night." They've been retired over a year, there is no excuse. Perhaps they need to step away from the weed and wine? I hope they see this post here! They can go fuck themselves.

After awhile, I get tired of extending the olive branch. Even my friends and family members who left my state and my other friends, who have always lived in Europe, keep in touch.

Life is too short to allow others to pull this shit, especially when YOU know you did nothing wrong to warrant this behavior.

OP, you kill them, dismember them, and scatter their remains around town. Hissssssssss !

Bask in the glory of peace

I am currently ignoring a text.

Someone I barely know keeps sending me very long texts that I have to scroll through.

I don't like being rude, but I can't encourage them to think I want to be text pen-pals with them.

Grow a set of balls, and stop being a whiny pussy.

A couple of people I barely know are constantly reaching out via Messenger, despite the fact that I rarely respond. It makes me wish they couldn't contact me that way. They just don't get what rarely responding means so now I am going to not respond at all. The sad thing is one wants to be friends, but the way she is on Messenger has turned me off her. I wish she'd take the hint and go away. I met her briefly twice.

One of my friends came to my front door one night and chewed me out for not responding to his texts. I told him the truth, a grandparent had a stroke. Survival was iffy for over a week. He didn't even say "I'm sorry" or give me an ounce of empathy. I never spoke to him again.

R63, some people cannot deal with the realities of life, especially when we have to deal with illnesses of a parent or even our own illness. These people are only around for the fun times, when things get serious, they bolt.

I know people who stopped communicating with some friends from our group when two of them became ill, both survived, one had cancer, The other, the doctor thought had salivary gland cancer, which is deadly, that friend had a benign tumor.

I no longer speak to the friends who cannot deal with reality. I was surprised that the one friend who became ill is still talking to those phonies who abandoned him during his cancer ordeal.

R64 I agree, however, the opposite can also be true. I supported a chronically ill frau friend while her mother was ill and dying for a year. I was there consistently and listened and helped etc etc etc. A few months after the mother passed and her own health improved, she ditched me real quick. Started going out all the time, never invited me to anything, never stayed in touch, etc. I haven’t heard from her in close to 6 months at this point. I don’t regret being there for her, but yikes.

OP is going to get twisted out of shape over this, and then realize his internet is down.

I had a friend who would text me, I responded right away (because that’s what I do) and then she sent her response 1-3 days later. The last time she texted I didn’t respond and I never heard from her again. Good.

OP, you sound a little high maintenance

Totally depends on the friend. I have about 10 lifelong friends. Friends that are, essentially, family. Two are childhood friends. Two high school friends. A couple more college friends and friends I met in my 20s. Our histories are linked, the memories run deep, etc.

They always get a free pass. They've earned it. And they give me a free pass. The love and bond we share transcends a timely response.

But a newer friend? Eh. It's a red flag for sure. But I tend to just be direct, cut to the chase and jokingly ask: Are you the type who doesn't respond? That usually solves the problem. One way or the other.

Olds! You're applying 20th century sensibilities and social norms to 21 St century tech and behavior.

R70, which way are you leaning with that cryptic message? Are you saying olds should get with the times and reply quicker or get with the times and chill out and reply slower?