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Having no style

Anyone else go through teen & adult life never having an identifiable look? Whether due to poverty, strict upbringing, weight, low confidence etc.

Lately, I've been looking in the mirror and through my camera roll, and feeling strange about the fact that I just wear clothes I find or inherit or grab off a rack without looking, that I brush and cut my hair for function and nothing more, that if pressed to describe me I imagine a person would struggle. My look isn't even normcore, just non-existent. Being from strict schools and a lower income background, plus getting bullied in school, I never experimented with clothes or hair or makeup, and don't know how to shop for my own personality and stand out, let alone dress up for pleasure. It's making me sad to think about.

by Anonymousreply 90November 23, 2022 5:23 PM

Flipping back through my yearbook, I see I had a very identifiable look. Alas, it was Fucking Asshole.

Lack of style can be a blessing, OP.

by Anonymousreply 1November 12, 2022 1:10 AM

R1 haha just how bad was it? Are we talking wraparound Oakley glasses and puka shell necklaces?

by Anonymousreply 2November 12, 2022 1:17 AM

This r/ on the topic is poignant. Some people really grew up in awful circumstances, and it crushed their creativity and confidence.

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by Anonymousreply 3November 12, 2022 1:18 AM

R2, think "What if Whit Stillman directed the film version of American Psycho?"

Basically take every single character James Spader and RDJ payed in the 80s, subtract all sexiness and run the result through the cunty-remark-making machine.

by Anonymousreply 4November 12, 2022 1:42 AM

R1/R4 that does sound like a hot mess lol. But tbh you would have been exactly the kind of friend I wanted if I were around that age in the 80s. Cunty clever quips make the time pass more enjoyably, and who can say no to a crushed linen blazer.

by Anonymousreply 5November 12, 2022 1:20 PM

Am enviously watching all these College kids experiment with style and find who they are. How do they just know what they want and let themselves do it? I could never (or just, don't know how).

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by Anonymousreply 6November 13, 2022 1:57 AM

I don't have a style either but if I *had* to describe it, I'd say it is frumpy, prematurely middle aged/too tired to give a fuck athleisure-wear (I am middle-aged btw, but I've dressed like this since I fell outta my mom) ...and it's gotten worse over COVID. Hey, at least I still know how to behave in public, lol

by Anonymousreply 7November 13, 2022 2:14 AM

R7 doesn't that get you down sometimes, though? Or have you made peace with it totally? (if so, please share how)

by Anonymousreply 8November 14, 2022 3:39 AM

[quote] Being from strict schools and a lower income background, plus getting bullied in school, I never experimented with clothes or hair or makeup,

OP, I have to disagree with this. I went to Catholic school and had to wear a uniform. Yet, somehow, people's styles shone through.

Also, there was a time when I did a lot of thrift shopping and had what I thought was a cool wardrobe.

Yes, I'm artistic and have a natural flair for fashion, hair, etc.

If you care about style and don't have inherent style, I'd suggest starting with a hairdresser. Find someone who will really take a look at you and help you decide what would look good on *you*.

If you actually don't care about style, then forget it.

by Anonymousreply 9November 14, 2022 3:46 AM

I’ve always found it odd that I have a great eye for interior design, from colour to scale to furniture design and pattern etc but when it comes to clothing, I feel like a lost cause and go for basics -often grabbing something for an event because I hate everything else I have. In fact I know at times I have bought clothes that later on I realize we’re not flattering to my skin tone or body type. And I try to play it safe too. I also have minimal interest in makeup. Keep it pretty natural and it hasn’t changed much over the years. I know women that are literally curating looks. It’s lost on me. I guess I feel like if I’m that good with one, I should be with the other. But I’m not.

by Anonymousreply 10November 14, 2022 4:01 AM

I cultivated this as a teenager by going to thrift stores and picking things up from different eras. I made a lot of mistakes and sometimes looked terrible. In 9th grade a friend's mom kept asking if I had been cast in the school play because my outfits were becoming increasing bizarre. It was all good practice and helped me understand what works for me vs. following trends, plus it also gave me an air of confidence. It's never too late to develop this. You might want to work with a stylist at first to get some tips specifically tailored to you.

by Anonymousreply 11November 14, 2022 4:23 AM

OP confuses being well-dressed with being a street pimp.

by Anonymousreply 12November 14, 2022 4:32 AM

During my halcyon years I realized that I could offset an otherwise conservative outfit with a bright pocket square, unusual scarf or boldly patterned tie. The scarves became a signature to the extent that friends and family gave them to me as gifts.

I also used to smoke clove cigarettes with an antique men's cigarette holder and trail obnoxious smog wherever I went.

I am rather tall, so anything more than that would have been overkill. That said, if you have poor posture, whatever you wear will look like shit. If you have good posture, nearly anything will look decent-to-fabulous.

by Anonymousreply 13November 14, 2022 4:48 AM

[quote] I also used to smoke clove cigarettes with an antique men's cigarette holder and trail obnoxious smog wherever I went.

(Goth) King you dropped this👑

by Anonymousreply 14November 14, 2022 4:50 AM

R14, ha, I wish...I was the preppy/black tie ball type.

by Anonymousreply 15November 14, 2022 4:52 AM

[quote] During my halcyon years I realized that I could offset an otherwise conservative outfit with a bright pocket square, unusual scarf or boldly patterned tie.

You sound like a model DLer.

by Anonymousreply 16November 14, 2022 5:38 AM

R16, I could have saved myself time and money by purchasing a neon sign that read GAY BITCH.

by Anonymousreply 17November 14, 2022 5:43 AM

^imo that’s where people get caught up, thinking they have to telegraph a very specific sociopolitical identity with their clothes and looks—kids do that a lot, especially nowadays.

Style is something more subtle and refined, it invites questions rather than answers them.

by Anonymousreply 18November 14, 2022 4:02 PM

That's me. I grew up in a weird area that votes solidly blue but has a ultra conservative atmosphere. So I always kept it simple and nondescript. I'm too old to change now but it does not bother me so much. I'm more fascinated by interiors than fashion.

by Anonymousreply 19November 14, 2022 4:04 PM

R19 raises an interesting point. What if the stereotypical and oft-seen gay interest in interiors has to do with gay culture & style being confined for so long? (and still confined, in ultra-conservative milieu)

by Anonymousreply 20November 14, 2022 5:45 PM

OP, anyone can have style. ANYONE! I've gone to the opera and scanned the crowds, and sometimes I decide that the best person I've seen that night isn't some fashionista whose spent a fortune, it's some 90 year old lady or fat girl. They didn't necessarily spend a fortune, they just wore something that was perfectly right for them.

As for you, OP, start with the most basic of basics: The next time you go shopping for clothes, don't just buy the cheapest or most convenient thing. Try on as many things as time allows, and think about what actually suits your coloring, your figure, or the image you wish to project. Try on a few things you can't afford, just to see how they look. Think about why one garment looks better than another, why you like one thing more than another, ponder the difference between garments you like and ones that are flattering. Buy within your budget, but buy something that makes you look and feel better than things you've bought for purely practical purposes.

by Anonymousreply 21November 14, 2022 7:41 PM

To the interior designer who thinks he / she dresses in a boring way. What are you wearing? Black? Dark gray? If the fit of your clothing is good and it's flattering to your body type, so what. Lots of creative people wear a type of uniform and they look good.

by Anonymousreply 22November 14, 2022 8:13 PM

OP, I hate to say this, but the old "Color Me Beautiful" system actually does work, it tells 99% of people which colors are the most flattering.

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by Anonymousreply 23November 14, 2022 8:27 PM

Ask or pay your most fashionable friend to go clothes shopping with you and to the barber shop. Get a fresh perspective.

by Anonymousreply 24November 14, 2022 9:38 PM

OP, no beauty shines brighter than a good heart

by Anonymousreply 25November 14, 2022 9:42 PM

OP, the only thing you need to spend money on is one good suit, one with the kind of classic cut you can wear for years, and a pair or two of good quality shoes, also the kind that you can wear for years.

Even women can get by with one good suit and two pair of good shoes - one good pair of heels and one good pair of flats. Although they should also get a good little black dress.

Everything else can be bought on the cheap, or used.

by Anonymousreply 26November 14, 2022 9:45 PM

OP, nobody has both : a killer style, or a killer body. Go for the killer body. I'm a complete slob, but when they got me naked, they go wild !

by Anonymousreply 27November 14, 2022 9:54 PM

If you’re clean and well groomed, that’s half the battle. As you take time finding a good moisturizer, hair conditioner etc. and using them, you’ll begin to find the pleasure that comes in caring for your looks. Rub moisturizer -or even olive oil - into your fingernails, too, so they’re not dry.

When you’re looking at clothes, think about what colors make you happy. Try to find a shirt that matches your eyes. Think about which movie or music stars you admire and what it is about their vibe that speaks to you.

You can also shop at thrift stores because you’ll find a big variety of colors and styles, rather than just what’s in style now. Look for a charity shop that’s in a nice area, because that’s probably where rich people drop off their stuff and there will be good quality items.

A medium or darkish blue is a pretty universally flattering color, and blue is America’s most popular color. People like seeing it. So at least try to find a shade of blue that looks good on you, just as an experiment.

by Anonymousreply 28November 14, 2022 9:59 PM

It's never too late to find a stylist who can make suggestions about your clothing and look. You can also buy books and magazines on style and make friends with a sales assistant at a store you like.

by Anonymousreply 29November 14, 2022 10:01 PM

OP, all you need is a good caftan, and a couple of earrings

by Anonymousreply 30November 14, 2022 10:28 PM

What is so bad about not having an identifiable look? Are you so desperate for approval, to fit in?

by Anonymousreply 31November 14, 2022 10:30 PM

STFU , r31

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by Anonymousreply 32November 15, 2022 1:55 AM

This is an interesting thread, OP. You've made me think and that's always a good thing.

I'm an oncologist, so for years I lived in scrubs, But when I had to dress up, I took a great deal of pride (and pleasure) in doing so. I know what fabrics and colors I like, and I have a fantastic tailor who can do all sorts of amazing things.

When I hit forty (almost five years ago), I decided that was it for the scrubs. I was done making rounds and seeing patients in a lab coat, scrubs and Hoka sneakers. So nowadays when I'm not in surgery, I'm either wearing a suit with a tie or a pair of slacks and a sport coat. Like I said, I know what I like and I'm perfectly capable of coordinating myself; however, I do have a stylist I can call. If it's a special occasion, or if she just finds something that she thinks will "push" my sartorial boundaries, she'll contact me.

I've taken care of my body my entire life. I'm a muscular, tall, forty-five-year-old man who has all of his hair, so I consider myself incredibly fortunate. Plus, my partner is a US Marshal who's about ten years my junior so I try to keep up, lol.

Personally, I believe that when we feel good about ourselves--our appearance, our clothing, etc., -- that it's good for our mental health.

by Anonymousreply 33November 15, 2022 2:13 AM

To all the well-intentioned but clueless "hire a stylist", "buy one high end suit", "get a Color analysis" posters--are you actually made of money? Or do you just live in a rich enclave bubble?

Some of us are confined to thrift shopping or DIY or asking people for donations or the counter girl at the drugstore for help. That's all we can afford.

by Anonymousreply 34November 15, 2022 2:31 AM

R10 - Mario Buatta didn't exactly go out on a limb to look like a circus clown.

by Anonymousreply 35November 15, 2022 2:37 AM

Until 17 I lived with my family and slowly came to react against my parents' complicated sense of dress and personal presentation. There were clothes that were suitable for school days, for important school days, for going to the grocery store, the mall, a cinema, a walk at the beach. My father had hundreds of casual jackets when he died: suede, cotton, wool, nylon windbreakers for a bracing day on a boat, a jacket of X weight and Y weave depending on weather forecasts, a slighter brighter sweater to go with a tan coat, every article of clothing bought for some hypothetical combination of occasion or travel or weather condition, or colors chosen for a time a year and clothing weight meant for a particular phase of autumn, and variations to address all possible rotations if these gears.

My mother was much worse. A slight crease or a tiny stain or a bit of shirt tail come out at the end of a school day was a smudge on the family name. She didn't care so much what her children did with their lives so long as it was legal and they looked good doing it. Everyone had always to be "dressed nice," If in college I mentioned going to a concert with friends, her head filled with images of black dinner jackets and crisp white shirts stiff with starch and ties and vests. She was stingy as hell with money -- unless it involved needing clothes some some particular occasion.

From that I rather understandably escaped to a the sort of normcore late 1970s college student look: flannel shirts, army coats, Levi's, some corduroy pants (or shirts): a few heavy sweaters, a jacket and tie for going my version Whit Stillman style socializing in hotel bars and lobbies and good restaurants...generally a sort of camouflaged appearance, no defined look beyond a look of being quite casual and indifferent to how I dressed without wanting to stand out to much -- or to look as though I had given any fuss to dressing.

In time, with more business and formal and informal events among more clothes conscious people I started to develop a bit of a sense of personal style that set me (just slightly) apart. I like clothes now, and no longer have an antagonistic attitude toward dressing. Paying more attention to clothing and dressing for your own pleasure as well as the situation makes sense as an older man. I can be somewhat overdressed and have a little individuality and comfort level that looks better on me than throwing on random baggy clothes bought by the bag at Costco, etc. Finally I do it well enough and with some knowledge and confidence this time.

by Anonymousreply 36November 15, 2022 9:26 AM

I'm marginally stylish, just enough for my career in the arts, just normcore enough as befitting my age.

by Anonymousreply 37November 15, 2022 10:05 AM

just here for the chemistry between r1 and r2.

by Anonymousreply 38November 15, 2022 10:24 AM

R33 Damn, I love a strong, beefy oncologist! Break up with your boyfriend, honey and call me! I just survived cancer and I think we should date! I still got that chemo glow and I am ready for love! And I had such cute oncologists!

by Anonymousreply 39November 15, 2022 10:33 AM

Go to the nearest Goodwill in a rich town or with a nearby rich neighborhood. Bring your phone. Use R23's seasonal coloring suggestion as a starting point. As a beginner, start with colors that flatter you and pick a few pieces with good construction/structure. Being a label snob can help with this initially, if you can't initially tell whether or not something is well made. It's okay to use Google to be a label snob.

Going to a rich person's Goodwill can get you shockingly expensive and well-made clothes for $4-$6. The goal, eventually, is to shop like a rich bitch who can and will say no to anything that doesn't look stunning on you. Take pictures of yourself in the dressing room to assess how clothing looks from different angles. Turn your media volume down so that you don't sound common while doing this.

Initially, learn the basic rules of good sleeve/pant leg fit and only buy clothes that fit already, or can be brought to a tailor for a simple hem.

One rule of thumb: Don't buy anything with a stain unless you can afford professional dry cleaning/tailoring for it, because it probably won't come out otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 40November 15, 2022 10:39 AM

Become a thrift shopper! Then you can experiment a little. I’ve done this for years, and have mostly settled into my personal style. But when most things cost $7.99 at Goodwill, you can take a chance on a pair of cowboy boots or green corduroys. You can be preppy one day, slightly boho the next, etc. without a big investment.

Also, this book. It came out decades ago, but it’s still full of good advice, interviews and inspiration.

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by Anonymousreply 41November 15, 2022 11:14 AM


I don't know OP's financial situation. I suggested a stylist because he sounds completely at sea and figuring out clothing can be overwhelming. But I also said that instead he could read books and magazines or get to know a sales assistant with good judgment at a nice store. The learning curve will be longer and slower and he has to be objective about what he looks like and what will flatter.

If you don't know what's right for you or how to identify quality in clothes you won't make the right choices at a thrift store. I live in NYC. The thrift shops aren't that great if you're looking for bargains. They're inundated with people who are professional shoppers like stylists and people who are obsessed with shopping. The store owners know value so there aren't that many underpriced gems. Men still have it easier than women in that quality clothing is more reasonably priced and made to last longer. A tailor I know who does custom work for a luxury retail brand recommends Suit Supply for decent suits that aren't stratospherically expensive.

Another skill is learning how to care for clothing. A good quality man's suit jacket should be brushed, hung up, and cleaned only once or twice a season. Nice shoes need to be polished and can be re-soled.

There also are blogs that discuss men's style and sometimes identify deals on eBay. Reddit must have a few subreddits on men's style and grooming and how to do it on a budget.

by Anonymousreply 42November 15, 2022 12:11 PM

You are not alone in this, OP.

I find that when I pack on some pounds, I too, become drab. But as soon as I’m fit and thin, I become pretty inspired and enjoy clothing much more.

It’s about looking good naked. Do that first, and you’re bound to get inspired. It’s unfortunately very difficult to find stylish clothes when one is larger than the clothes. Brands really don’t make enough of really nice stuff for bigger folks, which is a shame.

If you’re thin? Perhaps you’re just depressed.

Just buy some magazines or flip through various fashion rags online. Check out styles from multiple photos from different eras. Make note of things you like, and find a way of incorporating the things that make you happy, into your wardrobe.

Eventually, you’ll find things that suit you.

Also, 90% of style has to do with the way clothes fit on you, the quality of the clothing, and most importantly: ACCESSORIES!

Invest in amazing accessory pieces. Learn how to wear them traditionally, as well as unconventionally. Mix it up. Invest in a fantastic haircut and color. Or go completely gray! It looks awesome on the right person who manages to pull together their own “look”.

Just have fun, OP. That’s what clothing, accessories and makeup are all about.

by Anonymousreply 43November 15, 2022 1:09 PM

R23 it’s really difficult to figure out my exact colouring. Some days I look like a warm muted spring, other days like a light soft autumn.

My hair is bronde (brown at a distance, gold dark gingerbread blonde up close or in light), my eyes a medium greyish-blue with olive bursts (again changing with the light), my skin quite pale and tending to blush rose or burn strawberry/ruddy but still warm toned (veins show green, skin is gold next to a true winter person), and I have no concentrated freckles but sporadic dark moles.

Tbh I find I can wear most colours except bright primary greens, yellows, oranges, and reds too near my face because they make me look like I’m flaring with an allergy or something. Pink I get away with, presumably because I have rosy cheeks and salmon-pink lips. Also too much grey can make me look ill or dead, but I feel like that’s the same with most people. Black, white, browns and dusty dark blues or greens work ok with my tone. So there’s no clear fit for my season imo.

by Anonymousreply 44November 15, 2022 1:47 PM

You can still have style even if you aren't skinny or rich. You dress to your shape and you can get clothes that aren't expensive that still look stylish.

by Anonymousreply 45November 15, 2022 1:50 PM

I like to wear neon spandex and patchouli.

by Anonymousreply 46November 15, 2022 1:55 PM

OP, if you know which colors look good on you, then don't worry about an exact definition, just buy colors that look good on you. And think carefully about "your" neutrals, your suits and pants need to be in neutrals that both work for your coloring, and work with the brighter colors that flatter.

Next, look at what cuts and lengths of pants and tops look good on you. I mean khakis and polo shirts are all very well if the colors work for you, but most people need to branch out and everyone does need to have some good clothes for the more special occasions. And yes, I can't agree too heartily to shop at thrift stores in good neighborhoods, although I will warn you that there's always more women's clothing available than men's. But go even if you know the selection will be limited, and go again every so often, because that can be the way to get that one good suit everyone needs. But do NOT buy a good suit just because it's good quality and it's a bargain, ONLY buy your suit if it looks great on you! Pass up bargains if they don't look fab on you.

Oh, and BTW, thrift store shopping will necessarily influence your style in the direction of "classic", because you don't want to buy anything that was trendy 5-10 years ago. Buy stuff that looked good 10 years ago, and which will still look good 10 years from now.

by Anonymousreply 47November 15, 2022 4:58 PM


[quote]You can still have style even if you aren't skinny or rich. You dress to your shape and you can get clothes that aren't expensive that still look stylish.

It helps to be trim. Clothing just looks better. Wealthier portly men with taste can look good because they can afford really nice clothes.

by Anonymousreply 48November 15, 2022 6:40 PM

Agree that grooming and staying clean, paying attention to hands and feet, goes a long way.

Losing weight is good advice, but not always easy. If overweight, wear darker colors and don’t try to squeeze into old clothes that used to fit. Get some clothes that fit you, now.

by Anonymousreply 49November 15, 2022 6:53 PM

You might try, if you can or want to, going simple wih expensive or well-crafted items (as mentioned, thrift stores/vintage shops can be great sources to supplement buying newer items). Think simple but elegant: good shoes, a good watch.. Cashmere.

by Anonymousreply 50November 16, 2022 7:31 AM

R48 and R49 are only slightly correct. It's true that some high-end designers only design for one body type, that needn't stop the rest of us from having personal style! It'll just stop up from spending money on their worthless brands!

It's not true that bigger people need to stick to dark colors, or at least, you don't if you're taller than you are wide. But for those that aren't completely round, wearing colors that are well cut and in the same tonal family can look just as good. And by that I mean instead of cutting your figure in half by wearing a white shirt and black pants, if you wear light colors all the way up and down, or medium colors, it can create a long, flattering, slimming line. Like, a cream shirt with kakhi pants, or a medium green shirt with medium brown pants, or a dark eggplant shirt with black pants. Create length through a consistent use of darkness, intensity, and color.

by Anonymousreply 51November 16, 2022 8:23 AM

R41 This is a problem for some people. I am 6'2", and I've never found anything that fit me, let alone looks good. Thrift shops are a waste of time for me

by Anonymousreply 52November 16, 2022 9:27 AM

Many facts and a classic perspectives on men's fashion, accessories, and style can be found on this guy's YouTube channel. Despite focusing primarily on expensive goods, it is nonetheless quite useful and includes real-world examples and recommendations. And no I'm not a shill for his e-commerce stuff.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 53November 16, 2022 9:36 AM

I have a style. That's my problem. Its been the same style since I've been 13 and I'm 58 now. I've tried other looks but I always come back to what I'm comfortable with. I thought after my kids were older I would be some different person. It never happened.

by Anonymousreply 54November 16, 2022 10:27 AM

I have a style, but it's not necessarily stylish. The only thing that I spend serious money on is Ralph Lauren button-down shirts because they're structured and great quality. I have them for years. If I'm going somewhere formal like a wedding, my husband dresses me because I'm clueless and he's got a great sense of color and style.

by Anonymousreply 55November 16, 2022 12:30 PM

Lordy, OP, you're on the DL and you don't have a gay best friend to go shopping with you and make you over? What ARE you doing with your life?

Or -- are you Meghan Markle?

by Anonymousreply 56November 16, 2022 12:34 PM

R46=Pauly Shore

by Anonymousreply 57November 16, 2022 1:24 PM

Shall we go for a peach? Or a lavender? Or perhaps a dark persimmon? One can never have too many caftans in bright colors!

by Anonymousreply 58November 16, 2022 1:25 PM

Thanks so much for all your advice so far, everyone. Many of you are all very well-informed and have a flair for this, obviously. Am furiously taking notes and g00gling!

Forgot to mention that I’m female, not a fat whore and have a curvy rectangle shape (though it will become apple if I do get fat), with high hips, a long torso, a large bust and narrow shoulders. My legs aren’t objectively short, but they are in proportion to my body if that makes sense. Generally I carry weight in my face, tits and belly, mostly (no ass). Neither am I very short/tall in height, just average-tall for a modern female (5”6) with average-large feet (size 39) and hands. I have a fleshy figure but look strong with ‘big bones’ (I.e. somewhat visible though I’m not skinny or petite).

Tried to work out my Kibbe type about six months ago, but the test said my shape profile was an even tie between Soft Natural, Soft Dramatic, and Romantic, all of which hover in a similar place on the Kibbe graph, yet call for quite different cuts and colours of garments, so it didn’t help much. One suggests to use clothes to accentuate the hips, another the bust, another the back and legs. So it’s a confusing nightmare that had me back at square one lol.

The body type I have seems to have a silhouette and shape that was popular and the ideal standard in the previous lifetime (1950s and before), but not nowadays. All well and good, but I feel uncomfortable and conspicuous and ‘overdone’ dressing so retro, and don’t like most of the fashions of that era.

by Anonymousreply 59November 16, 2022 1:56 PM


I said that it helps to be thin. it's true. I've studied menswear and I know how to draft men's clothing patterns. It's nothing personal, being thin creates a more pleasing line. Wealthier heavy men buy brands that use more fabric and fit them better. The overall quality is better. Some have their clothing made by bespoke tailors.

by Anonymousreply 60November 16, 2022 2:46 PM


You should have mentioned your gender at the beginning. This is a predominantly gay men's site so I assumed you were a man. I'm a woman who's studied womenswear and menswear and the recommendations tend to be different. I realize that hiring a stylist might be beyond your budget, but the reason it could be helpful is that suggestions can sometimes be subtle, very few people fit into just one body shape type and one also has to consider factors like coloring, lifestyle, and personal preference.

Obviously, there are a zillion women's style blogs One I like is Inside Out Style (link below). Another that I enjoy reading is The Vivienne Files. The writer shows how you can take a beloved item like a colorful scarf and generate ideas for outfits from it. If you're more interested in women's business dressing, Corporette.com has suggestions.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 61November 16, 2022 3:01 PM


[quote]Tried to work out my Kibbe type about six months ago, but the test said my shape profile was an even tie between Soft Natural, Soft Dramatic, and Romantic, all of which hover in a similar place on the Kibbe graph, yet call for quite different cuts and colours of garments, so it didn’t help much.

If you like flowy, soft clothing but are afraid of looking sloppy or messy, you could try pairing a flowy, dramatic top over a "hard" piece of clothing like a pencil skirt, straight skirt, or trousers in a dark color made in a fairly firm fabric.

by Anonymousreply 62November 16, 2022 3:06 PM


I considered recommending this blog, but after being scolded by someone for not being clairvoyant about the OP's finances, I decided not. The author is a former lawyer and his posts and videos are usually well-researched and informative.

by Anonymousreply 63November 16, 2022 3:13 PM


I decided not to.

by Anonymousreply 64November 16, 2022 3:15 PM


One suggestion about hiring a stylist: Look at the photos on their website and their videos. If you don't like their style, don't use them. They may have excellent taste but it won't do you any good if they're going to turn you into a person you don't recognize and hate. I often thought the people on What Not to Wear looked better before their makeovers. At least they looked like individuals instead of being poured into a straight hair and cocktail dress mold.

by Anonymousreply 65November 16, 2022 3:25 PM

Staging Your Comeback by Christopher Hopkins is a complete guide for how women can look their most beautiful. You might also enjoy his YouTube channel where he does makeovers. The hair and makeup transformations are often stunning. His mom is affectionately known as The Wardrobe Woman and she gets everyone dressed and teaches about proportions/how to emphasize best parts.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 66November 16, 2022 3:58 PM


I bought that book for my sister several years ago. She was offended.

by Anonymousreply 67November 16, 2022 6:17 PM

r67, that's pretty funny, did she think she looked great and didn't need it?

by Anonymousreply 68November 16, 2022 6:21 PM


Basically. She likes to talk about clothes and jewelry, so I thought the book would give her some ideas. She took it the wrong way.

by Anonymousreply 69November 16, 2022 10:06 PM

I’m hopeless. I have odd body measurements so I would have to shop every day and tailor my clothes to pull something off. I would need more money and someone who could help me. It’s not in my budget now.

But dressing like a slob can make you appear younger. For a while anyway. And then there is a day when it all flips. The slobby look ages one at a certain point. Dressing fresher at that stages makes one younger and more appealing. That day is coming.

by Anonymousreply 70November 16, 2022 10:23 PM

R67/R69 lmao sort of like when you gift someone moisturiser or scented products. They think you're implying that they're dusty or they reek.

by Anonymousreply 71November 16, 2022 10:25 PM

[quote] there is a day when it all flips. The slobby look ages one at a certain point. Dressing fresher at that stages makes one younger and more appealing. That day is coming.

R70 how do you know when that day is?

by Anonymousreply 72November 16, 2022 10:25 PM

"If you like flowy, soft clothing but are afraid of looking sloppy or messy, you could try pairing a flowy, dramatic top over a "hard" piece of clothing"

I have a friend with the OP's topheavy body type, a friend with excellent taste and a serious wardrobe budget, and she spends much of her life in loose tops and leggings, or skinny pants. Sometimes she'll mix it up with a loose dress or loose pants, and but always a loose top. She's of retirement age, so perhaps the OP can be a little more adventurous with her upper body, but loose tops never go out of style, nor do swing coats or jackets that aren't fitted to the waist.

Remember, ANYONE can be stylish, no matter their age, weight, or body type! And style needn't break the bank either, 80% of style is wearing things that look good on you. Or maybe 90%. We aren't coat-hangers, we aren't models who are paid to let the clothes outshine them, we use clothes to show ourselves off.

by Anonymousreply 73November 16, 2022 10:31 PM

R72 The minute you look in the mirror and think, "I can still pull off 27." The exact moment.

by Anonymousreply 74November 16, 2022 10:37 PM

"But dressing like a slob can make you appear younger. For a while anyway. And then there is a day when it all flips. The slobby look ages one at a certain point."

For proof of this, look at Johnny Depp.

by Anonymousreply 75November 16, 2022 11:01 PM

[quote] I have a friend with the OP's topheavy body type, a friend with excellent taste and a serious wardrobe budget, and she spends much of her life in loose tops and leggings, or skinny pants. Sometimes she'll mix it up with a loose dress or loose pants, and but always a loose top. She's of retirement age, so perhaps the OP can be a little more adventurous with her upper body, but loose tops never go out of style, nor do swing coats or jackets that aren't fitted to the waist.

Is there any way to make that look *not* uber-Frauey? Because it really does read strongly of Frau.

by Anonymousreply 76November 16, 2022 11:15 PM

One style book I’ll never part with is actress/socialite Marisa Berenson’s 1984 opus DRESSING UP. If you need a style, OP, Berenson will give you hers!! And what a style it is.

It involves layer upon layer of jewelry, poofy party skirts you can sew yourself (she includes a diagram), and yes, turbans! She never lets you forget that legendary designer Elsa Schiaparelli was her grandmother… so her taste is hereditary.

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by Anonymousreply 77November 17, 2022 3:01 AM

All this could be yours, OP

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by Anonymousreply 78November 17, 2022 3:02 AM
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by Anonymousreply 79November 17, 2022 3:06 AM

R77 wonder if turbans in Western fashion will ever make a big comeback?

by Anonymousreply 80November 17, 2022 12:04 PM

R53 I actually know the guy and his wife who run the Gentlemen's Gazette (mutual friends) and while generally it's good content, I'd be wary of presenting anything he says as having any kind of relevance to the OP because Schneider's schtick really is old-world fussy fashion that isn't really inline with any current fashions. It's great when that style of dress can be used without affectation, e.g. a formal party with maybe a period or early 20th century theme, but generally I think that form of mens fashion and grooming is outdated. With that said, I haven't looked at any of their recent work so I don't know if it still is centered solely around classic stuffy fashion. I saw them a couple years ago at a friend's holiday party and he stuck out like a sore thumb. But I don't want to knock his work or style because it is dashing, but you're not gonna get laid or get second looks except by people who think you look weird.

by Anonymousreply 81November 18, 2022 8:21 AM

Anyone else have acute anxiety just shopping for clothes? Online or off. Like it makes me feel panic like nothing else😥

by Anonymousreply 82November 19, 2022 2:14 PM

Fashion Anxiety is an actual thing btw..

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by Anonymousreply 83November 19, 2022 10:36 PM

OP if you look strong with big bones and you're top heavy then I can almost guarantee you are a natural in the Kibbe system. Romantics look delicate (think Drew Barrymore or Marilyn Monroe, they look the opposite of strong). Soft dramatics look soft on top of long thin bones (Sofia Vergara, Mariah Carey, Rihanna).

The Kibbe system really does work, the old one, not his new one. That means you need relaxed clothes (not oversized but relaxed) in natural fibers like cotton linen denim etc. Nothing too shiny or plastic looking, nothing too stiff or soft.... Jennifer Aniston is a good example of a natural. She looks her best in casual clothes, natural blended makeup, tousled hair. A long skirt or dress looks best on you as it doesn't interrupt your long vertical line. Separates will look best as opposed to matching, which will look drab on you. Unfinished metals and stones will look better than shiny metal (for jewelry). Basically the boho look is best for naturals though it's not so much about a specific "style" as opposed to mimicking your natural body.

Follow YouTuber Aly Art as she owns Kibbe's original book and makes multiple videos on each Kibbe category and sub category. Keep your seasonal color in mind as well.

by Anonymousreply 84November 20, 2022 12:52 AM

[quote] 80% of style is wearing things that look good on you.

The problem with being heavy is that there is a limited amount available, and most of it is pretty trashy or just big versions of clothes designed to look good on thin people. It's too hard to make your own clothes unless you're skilled enough to draft patterns, because overweight people gain weight in idiosyncratic places: they're not all pretty much the same shape like a Size 6.

One tip I did hear for women with a heavy top section is to put shoulder pads in your jackets and even shirts. They don't have to be 1980s sized; what you're looking for is for the sleeve to fall at 90 degrees to the shoulder. If you have heavy upper arms they round that angle outward and it spoils the line of structured tops. Avoid at all costs the current trendy sleeve that puffs at the shoulder.

by Anonymousreply 85November 23, 2022 2:28 PM


I've been financially challenged for a while and so don't shop much. I hate dressing rooms. I prefer to buy online, try on, and send back clothes that don't fit.

by Anonymousreply 86November 23, 2022 3:26 PM


We've since learned that OP is a woman. That's the main reason that it won't be that helpful unless her style is classic menswear. It's definitely a site for men who like to dress up and have the jobs and money to do so.

by Anonymousreply 87November 23, 2022 3:27 PM

Me…I just have more pressing isssue in my hear…being stylish was never one of them.

Im neat and clean. Jeans and a shirt, depending on the weather, are fine for me

by Anonymousreply 88November 23, 2022 3:52 PM

I like expressing myself through clothes, and as I've aged I've developed a signature look that feels comfortable in every way. I get frequent compliments on my look. I'm a 55 year old gay male.

by Anonymousreply 89November 23, 2022 3:56 PM

[quote] I prefer to buy online, try on, and send back clothes that don't fit.

I hate returning stuff that I bought online. Macy's is OK b/c there's a brick & mortar close by (where I can return) and they credit my card almost immediately.

by Anonymousreply 90November 23, 2022 5:23 PM
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