Confess here

I leave my dirty litter on OP's doorstep.

I ate all the Frusen Glädjé.

I often eat dessert before the rest of the meal.

I have not bathed in about 35 years.

I don’t recycle. I throw cans and plastic bottles out with the rest of my trash

I like the smell of my own b.o.

[quote]I don’t clean the litter box every day.

Yours or the cat's?

R2- It's not 1987.

My favorite beverage is this. I don't drink ANYTHING else.

I'm drinking too much. I never did before until a few months ago. I hide my whisky.

Where do you hide it, R10?

I havent done anything all day.

R11, in the back of the kitchen cabinet. To the side and in the back. I'm beginning to hate myself for it too.

Who might find it, R13? Or are you hiding it from Alexa?

I've let my laundry pile up so high I'm calling it Mount Washmore.

My Husband and my Son. They know i've been upset, but they don't know that I'm using Whiskey to help through the day. They wouldn't get mad, but they'd be upset. I just don't want them to know how bad i've been feeling.

😂 R15, I'll have to use that!

R4, do you at least brush your teeth!?

😅 R11, I just saw how you signed your post.

I make prank phone calls from a burner phone to piss off my mother.

^^why do you want to upset you're Mom?

^I'm confused by this sentence.

I accidentally allow unhoused people to sneak into my office building on my badge. It’s cold out and the desk clerk is an asshole.

Steve Bannon, is that you at r4?

I use the term unhoused

I keep murdering all the hobos that this queen keeps letting in the building just to piss me off while I’m trying to do my job.

I haven’t seen Top Gun Maverick. I think I’m the only one. I would rather run in traffic then watch a Tammy Cruise movie.

R16, I’m surprised that no one smells the whisky. I drink vodka for this reason.

I’m fucking a (seemingly) happily married man with two kids.

R16, I chew gum..a lot. Eventually it'll come out. My Husband and Son work a lot. They go to bed early, and they never want to talk. We've had a tragedy recently and I'm struggling to deal with it. I will be ok though

I pick my nose.

I love married dick. The taboo is hot and I don’t want someone in my life full time.

Can someone PLEASE make that bitch who claimed not to bathe for 35 years explain herself ??? I have to know why !!!

I have lots of unpopular opinions, but given the social and corporate climate, I keep it to myself.

I piss in the sink. it's conveniently dick-high and requires less water to sweep away.

r4 Best to maintain the status quo for your own survival at this point.

[quote]I've let my laundry pile up so high I'm calling it Mount Washmore.

You must be a professional writer to have come up with this line of witty perfection, r15. If not, consider it. Genuinely laughed out loud at this.

[quote] I ate all the Frusen Glädjé.

[quote] It's not 1987.

I think you misinterpret R2, R8. He ate all the Frusen Glädjé in 1987. That's why the brand no longer exists.

[quote] I haven’t seen Top Gun Maverick. I think I’m the only one.

You're not. I haven't watched it either. I didn't mind the original film, but am just indifferent to it and its sequel now.

Confess!

I work from home, I am on grindr and doublelist every day. When an" opportunity "presents itself I schedule a meeting in outlook and set up a teleconference with just me for 90 minutes .

The only 2 Tom Cruise movies Ive ever seen are Risky Business and Interview. I didnt too much like him in Interview . I never for a second had any desire to see Top gun.

[quote] I am on grindr and doublelist every day.

I'm on Delve!

Next question, please.

"Brain" and "brain"! What is "brain"?

When people who are clearly male with a beard and mustache, or a completely girly girl inform me that they "use they/them pronouns" I have to force myself not to do the complete Lucille Bluth eyeroll....for now.

We know, Katya/R35.

Which is not a problem because they are completely imaginary R46 Nobody does this. to you.

My Aspie neighbor leaves his blinds open and I can see right through his apartment, saw him the other day in his skivvies and he’s got a great body and two lovely dimples above his butt I could bury my face in.

Omg R36, ( sorry in know DL hates that), but omg. That poor man!

I never watched "Seinfeld".

I don't recycle and while I believe it exists, I don't care about global warming. I'll be long dead when it's a real problem.

I was playing a word game on my tablet yesterday and was stuck. I used an "unscrambler" app on my phone to find the answer and move on to the next level. I have no regrets.

I hate do-gooders.

I have an extramarital crush and I fantasize all day. Whatever gets you through right?

I don't use emojis. I don't/can't/won't decipher emojis. I hate emojis.

^ Sometimes I copy them and paste them on google to see what they mean.

Sometimes I think about going back to church, because I loved going as a little kid, but then I read comments from "Christians" on my social media and see how they cheer the horror show that is our political right wing, give zero shits about the suffering of the people in Ukraine and Iran or the poor in America, didn't and won't lift a finger to mitigate COVID, and do nothing but cycle through bitching/bragging/owning the libs/asking for prayers, and I change my mind.

I live in a one-room apartment and, during the pandemic, put my TV and computer right next to my bed, so I could watch movies and TV shows from the comfort of my bed. After the pandemic was over, I decided to get rid of my sofa couch and table and keep the current set up with the TV and computer, since I have no intention to host or entertain guests.

Right now I have a tray on my bed with all sorts of snacks and drinks and finished binge-watching Netflix's The Bastard Son and the Devil Himself, and I am about to start the second season of One of Us is Lying. I couldn't be happier.

Society is lying to us that we desperately need companionship. Pets as companions? Ok, I give you that. Human companionship? Fuck no. Hell is other people. Or maybe I discovered in recent years that I am an introvert.

I find the mobile/cellphones numbers of random guys that are hot, guys I use to know, or guys I recently met like the new postman, and send them my nudes.

[quote] but they don't know that I'm using Whiskey to help through the day

Oh yeah? 🤣🤣🤣

I told my neighbor my pressure washer was broken when he came over to borrow it.

It's not.

This past summer I had a hornet's nest by my garage door. I went outside with a can of hornet spray, sprayed it and then RAN back into the house like my pants were on fire.

He was outside and I heard him laughing at my little escapade.

Yes, I'm petty like that.

I confess that I like Tom Cruise movies. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

My volunteer work was cancelled for the second week in a row today. And I feel like Xmas has come early. Am not even using the free time wisely, either, just dicking around on DL and Youtube, between taking breaks to walk my dog and read and clean the house.

Dgmw either, I actually genuinely enjoy my volunteering (conservation) once I'm in the thick of it, and get along fine with the people I work with. It's just that my social anxiety is such that I just dread getting up early and arriving there to have to engage in small talk etc. every single time I go. Even the night before I am wracked with nerves. And idk why, because it's such a lowstakes, low demand activity--I technically don't have to go, I'm not being paid, no-one's counting on me that hard and no-one would miss me much if I didn't show up anymore. Eh, I'm kind of a wreck of a person like that.

Confess!

Since the start of autumn, I’ve often been staying in bed til last noon. And I’m a young working age person (employed as a temp/parttime). I just find it a misery to get up early to do things and be busy, especially in the cold and dark, so I don’t. I’m hibernating, fuck you all.

I called the cops on my neighbor's teens. They had a loud party with stupid music while their parents were out of town, which I could have ignored, but they left a roaring fire unattended.

[quote] [R2]- It's not 1987.

You must be new here.

On Datalounge, it is ALWAYS 1987

I eat my feelings.

I think I might have killed those students in Idaho.

I have NO idea how cameras or computers work even after someone explains it. I am also incapable of understanding most scientific principles. It all sounds like magic.

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.

I have fallen out of love with my partner of 21 years. I am staying because I like our house and financial security (he makes 4x more than me. I don’t know how I’m going to fake interest for the rest of my life, when everything he does annoys me.

R72 ah it's ok, either the stress will kill you early, or you'll snap and kill him. These things take care of themselves.

R72 You will become a soulless shell of your former self - but, enjoy the perks!

R4 = Steve Bannon

Sometimes, when using DL on my phone, I accidentally tap ignore on people who don't deserve it, but since the list of the posts of others in the list is so excessive (and frankly disorganized) and I don't want to unignore the wrong person, I'm too lazy to fix it and remove the "innocent" poster. So, a few innocent posters are on my ignore list for no reason.

I really did make that bitch, Kate, cry.

There’s an aspie neighbor next door that looks just like Chris Evans with an gait, and he has a tight little body. He leaves the blinds open on both sides of the unit and I can see right through his apartment. When I walk by, it’s absolutely irresistible and I peek in every chance I get and once a few weeks ago saw him in his underwear. He’’s pulled the blinds tight before so it’s not like he doesn’t realize people can look in…

I saw him in person leaving one day, and he was shorter than I remember and dressed somewhat shabby, like his clothing was extremely old. Kind of took the bloom off the rose and made me realize how far apart my fantasy and reality are.

The unintentionally exhibitionist autistic neighbor who turned out to be a diminutive hobo-adjacent disillusionment is my favorite thus far.

Keep ‘em comin’ - and whenever possible, keep ‘em sordid.

TIA.

Deep down, I'm quite superficial.

I use OP's litter box to shit.

I forget to change my Depends sometimes.

Every little thing I do is magic.

Songs should be written about me.

My penis is pretty small looking when flaccid but thick and above average when erect. Until I went on DL I never thought I was probably being judged in the locker room on the size of my un-erect dick and that people probably thought I was small. So you guys have given me a complex.

R84 same here. A respectable 6 fat inches when hard,a nub when soft. I never had a complex though cause I knew how nice it got hard.

In private, I flick my boogers.

I ate half of a pecan pie yesterday, and the other half today.

Your are a class act. I love pecan pie.

I am a binge eater. I always get back on track and I can hide excess weight better than most due to my large frame, but it's still repulsive to eat two pounds of pork roast in one sitting

R88 ♥️

R85 I think complex is the wrong word. DL made me self conscious about it. That's what I meant. I never gave it a thought before. But the size of people's flaccid dicks, or looking at them, never interested me and I guess I assumed other people were the same.

*Also I never wanted to even be suspected of checking out someone's else's junk, when I wasn't - so I always have avoided looking at people in that situation.

Another vote from a guy whose schlong shrinks up pretty good, but expands pretty good too.

I’m a raging dick on DL but totally not IRL. I saw a thread “How to keep six month old kittens away from the Christmas tree” today and my first instinct was to reply “a pillow case and a bucket of water”

I love all living things, especially animals. I’m almost a vegetarian because I can’t abide the thought of animals dying.

Oh, dear.

Confess!

I don’t miss my parents or siblings.

When my mother died, I felt nothing. No emotion whatsoever. This was the woman who gave birth to me, and I couldn.t dredge up even a tear.

Long, long, LONG back-story here. I`d have to write a book to explain it.

At partner’s workplace there was a fad for visiting local ‘psychic’. After his ‘consultation’ he phoned me to ask about someone called Ian. He had been told that ‘spirit guide’ had seen me having dinner and later, sex with this man. He was told that I was thinking about leaving him but that it would take me 2 years to do so. I was shocked by this apparent accusation from an unknown source and went through all the laughably unlikely Ians in my life. No more was said about it but it was all true.

I laughed at R84's puny cocklet.

True Confessions: I hate poor people - generally (absolutely there are individuals who try hard and aren’t awful. The complete lack of curiosity or style, grace or knowledge about history generally, are reasons. Poor people fuel Trumpian dystopia. Poor people litter the worst, most backwards cities and states. They perpetrate most of the crime (fuck anyone and “it’s systemic”). I confess that I believe mid evil, 1800s British and, more recently, Indian, class distinctions make sense. Go poor people and do your brutish shit to your hearts’ content, but on the other side of a very twll wall.

R101 “…tall wall.” Apologies.

DIE IN A GREASE FIRE.

Ruby my pussy.

R103 Well, unless your cat has sensibilities, taste and means somewhat beyond yours, I support I don’t really care. Makes sense, right?

My old dog is a whore. Presents belly to everyone. Never completely satisfied.

I do not miss my mother and maternal grandparents, especially my grandfather; I felt great relief when he died.

You know that old saying, "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on"? When things are going badly, I say, "Fuck me and the cheap whore I rode in on" referring to my mother. Most of the memories I have of her are her running off to be with some guy, leaving me with her parents, who were also emotionally abusive.

I really don't get what's so great about "Running Up that Hill" by Kate Bush, even after listening to it repeatedly, reading the lyrics, and reading an interview where she explained the inspiration for the song. I usually love 80s music (I was in my teens then), and I understand it's meaning, but it's just not for me.

R102, you made the effort to fix your obvious typo about the wall, but you're leaving "mid evil" intact? Which gives the impression that you believe that's correct.

I left a big doo doo in my boss’ toilet and didn’t flush.

R99, I saw a psychic as a teenager that told me insane things that have all come true so far. She was in a trailer park that my cousin lived in, and my cousin told me that she was amazing. She told me that I would be wealthy, and would never have to worry about money as an adult. I am now in the top 1% of income earners. How could she have guessed this? She told me that I would move and travel a lot (both are true). The terrifying thing is that she told me that I would meet the love of my life late in life, but that something terrible will happen and I will never recover. I’m 51 and told my partner today that I’m done. What is going to happen if I fall in love again?

I hoard toliet paper. It's PTSD from the early COVID days.

R102 I'm poor, but I know how to spell medieval. You dumb bastard.

I am a lazy ass

I have a lazy ass

I gave the OP my toxoplasmosis with a shitty lick in his mouth so he will take disease-related risks in order to continue the parasite's life cycle.

I long to be able to infect children, but with the OP being on "the list" and having to check in, that looks like a long shot unless I can do a runner and aim at the family on the corner.

Cough.

[quote] Your are a class act. I love pecan pie.

I love pecan pie, as well. I don't understand why people don't make / serve pecan pie *at least* on Thanksgiving. It's so damn easy to make.

I used to go to a community college that had a culinary program. The students would sell stuff that they made in class. I scored a pecan pie (inexpensive) from the store, one day.

I’ve told y’all before ..listen up: Roger with the Nixon tat is a lame as cocksucker—a simple blowjob was beyond his skill set. He sucks. Badly!

[quote]I ate all the Frusen Glädjé.

Uh, you hadnta ortna done that.

Can you elaborate, R117? Teeth? Hypersensitive gag reflex? Lack of enthusiasm?

Very drunk after a full night of drinking, I once avoided being mugged by acting severely retarded.

It worked, but my then boyfriend never let me live it down.

He was on the ground laughing and shaking so hard he couldn’t breathe and the muggers left us alone.

I’m known as kind, mild mannered, and soft spoken. But I love to go to adult bookstores and shove my cock down men’s throats and make them cry and gag.

I want to see r121 borrow r120’s drunken retard schtick at the adult book store.

[quote]Very drunk after a full night of drinking, I once avoided being mugged by acting severely retarded.

That reminds me of a bit from this stand-up.

I set fire to an ex’s house and never got caught. Not getting caught might be the only thing I’m actually good at. Of course, now with cameras and tracking apps everywhere, it’s hard to do so I just keep to myself to lower the risk of having to get back at somebody.

Why did you light his house on fire, r124?

I’ve been called a curmudgeon.

Why? I thought that would be fairly obvious, R125. He dumped me. Rather unceremoniously, too. Nobody walks out on me.

R127 yikes

I really hope that r124 is a troll. Jesus.

A troll why? Because I refuse to be disrespected?

I parked in an expecting mothers only spot at my local grocery store yesterday.

I'm not pregnant.

I regret nothing.

I work in a restaurant and don't wash my hands after going to the restroom. We are talking doing number two too. It's how I get even with the abusive public.

Sometimes when I'm at home alone and can't find something I act like Bulldog from Frazier. It startles my dogs.

I murdered R5. But for the sake of this planet, it had to be done.