The Now Voyager Fake Dialogue Troll’s greatest hits

2. From Now Voyager

Tina: What shall I call you?

Charlottes: Well, let’s see... You can call me Carlotta, Charlie or a name I was once called - cunt.

Tina: Oh, I like that one! I’ll call you cunt!

Mother: Charlotte, where did you get that dress?

Charlotte: Lisa and I shoplifted it in New York today.

Mother: It’s outrageous. It makes you look like a retard. Take it off so I can rub my prune-pussy on it.

Mother: Charlotte, I said take off that dress so I can rub my pussy on it!

Charlotte: I could earn my own living, Mother. I’ve often thought about it. I give good head from what I’ve been told. I could go into business.

Mother: You may think that’s very funny but I think you’re sucking air up your ass.

Charlotte: I don’t think I am. I’m not afraid to turn tricks for a living, Mother. I’m not afraid of doing anal either.

Mother: Where's Dora? I want Dora.

I want my ass rubbed , my piss pad fixed and another cup of hooch.

Dora: - Which first, Queen Elizabeth?

Mother: Ass rubbed. Mmm. That's good. Don't stop. You're a good girl, Dora. A good, devoted girl. You wouldn't stick your nose up my ass, would you, Dora?

Dora: You're talking absolute horseshit.

Don't quit your day job, OP.

Comedy is not for you.

3. From the Wizard of Oz

DOROTHY Auntie Em, really -- you know what Miss Gulch said she was gonna do to Toto? She said she was gonna fuck him!

AUNT EM Now, Dorothy, dear, stop imagining beastiality. You always get yourself worked up like a whore in church.

DOROTHY (under her breath) old dumbass bitch.

AUNT EM Now, you just help us out today, and find yourself a place where you won't get your stupid ass into trouble!

MISS GULCH That dog's a hot piece of ass! I’m gonna fuck him then take him to animal control to be destroyed!

DOROTHY Fuck him? Destroyed? Toto? Oh, you can't! You mustn't! Auntie Em! Uncle Henry! You won't let this ugly old dog fucker take him, will you?

UNCLE HENRY Of course we will. Right, Em?

DOROTHY Please, Aunt Em, Toto didn't mean to shit on your bed He didn't know he was doing anything wrong. I'm the one that ought to be punished. I let him piss inside your closet. You can send me to bed without supper --

MISS GULCH If you don't hand over that dog, I'll lie and say Henry tried to rape me. And then you’ll have to get a shady lawyer and go to court. You’ll spend a shit load of money and have to sell this sad excuse of a farm to pay for it!

AUNT EM How would it be if you take Toto AND Dorothy? I’ve been wanting to sell her ass to the gypsies but haven’t had the chance.

MISS GULCH Well, I’ll have to sleep on that one Today I’ll just take that sexy Toto!

UNCLE HENRY Hee hee!

AUNT EM Ah shit! Dorothy, I guess you lucked out. I'm afraid poor Toto will have to go.

MISS GULCH Now you're seeing reason. It’s about fucking time!

DOROTHY No!

MISS GULCH Here's what I'm taking him in -- a yellow Dollar General shopping bag.

DOROTHY Oh, no, no! I won't let you take him! You go away, you old dried up cunt! Oooh, I'll bite your pancake tit off!

AUNT EM Dorothy! You stupid ass!

DOROTHY You wicked old bitch! Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, don't let her fuck Toto! Don't let her take his ass to animal control!!

MISS GULCH Here! I've got an order! Let me have that hot piece of ass!

DOROTHY You old dog fucker!

AUNT EM Put him in the bag, Henry.

MISS GULCH Thats the right idea!

DOROTHY Oh, don't, Uncle Henry. Oh, Toto! Don't go to bed with that dried up twat!

PROFESSOR Let's see -- you're -- you're travelling in disguise as a cheap skid row whore.. No, that's not right. I -- you're -- you're going on a visit. No, I'm wrong. That's...You're -- running away from a couple of old bitches.

DOROTHY How in the fuck did you guesd?

PROFESSOR Professor Marvel never guesses -- he knows! Now, why in the hell are you running away?

DOROTHY Why --

PROFESSOR No, no -- now don't tell me. They -- they beat the shit out of you at home. They don't appreciate the size of your tits. You want to see other cocks besides your uncle’s.

DOROTHY Why, it's just like you could read what was inside of my nasty assed mind.

DOROTHY Nobody gives 2 fucks about me at home. They wouldn't even miss my stupid ass.

PROFESSOR Aw, come, come, come --

DOROTHY No, they won't - honestly. They’re bitches!

PROFESSOR Oh --

DOROTHY Auntie Em was even going to give me and Toto to that old cunt, Miss Gulch. She was gonna fuck Toto and then take his ass to animal control to be destroyed! She would have probably sold me to some dumbass foreigner for like $20. please, Professor, why can't we go with you? We’re fucking desperate as fuck!

The munchkins 🎶 We represent the shit n piss guild

You just don’t get this kind of quality, titillating dialogue in the original scripts.

Now do an 80s primetime soap

From Charlie’s Angels episode Angels in Springtime

Zora: Honey, the rich broads that come around here pay a lot of money for me to massage their clits. You're gettin' it for free.

Kris: Please! I can't wait! Hurry up and do it!

Zora: It's gonna take me a while, unless you start answering better.

Norma: What in the fuck were you doing in Eve's room?

Kris: I told you. I'm a fan. I was just looking for used panties to rub my pussy on.

Norma: Oh, come now! Panties, really! What did you do with Eve’s vibrator?

Kris: I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Zora: She isn't going to tell you shit, Norma.. Why don't I sit on her face? Make her choke on the odors of my ass.

Norma: Godamned! That would choke a mule! Just wait!

Kris: [Panting] I’m so fucking horny. Massage my clit! Norma: Is this the way you want it? Being horny and juicy and not getting Zora’s hand inside your cunt?

Kris: You piece of shit!

Norma: I know….

Kris: You can get fuck out of here and let Zora fist me!

Zora: I’ll ram my fat arm up you! Your cunt will quiver like a river. I doubt you can handle it.

Norma: Don't struggle. It'll be easier for Zora to fist you.

Zora: This hand is ready to go in.

Kris: Just shut the fuck up and do it already! Christ! I’m tired of waiting!!

Kelly: Back off! Get your fists away from Kris’ holes!

Zora: [groans]

Kris: Oh great! Kelly, you fuckin’ bitch! I was about to get my boxes rocked! You ruined everything! Put that fuckin’ gun away!

If only these were funny.

Byron couldn't have said it more graciously.

Please do All About Eve !!!

I love my fake dialogue because I do it spontaneously and I like to laugh at my own shit.

Norma: Godamned! That would choke a mule! Just wait!

I love that line!

Titillate

Now do a Paula Deen cooking segment with Special Guest Star Melania Trump

Kris: You can get fuck out of here and let Zora fist me!

Zora was so big n ugly wearing the pepto-pink terrycloth ensemble

Btw I hate any and everybody devoid of humor!

OP - It's "Now, Voyager" not "Now Voyager".

You're PATHETIC.

Thx r16

Margo: funny business, a woman’s twat, the things you put in it on your way up the ladder so you move faster. You forget them and when you finally do take them out they stink like rotten fish. That’s one scent all females have in common, whether we like it or not: rotten fish.

I love you, OP!

Especially when you do Charlie's Angel's!

Ever thought of doing other fun 70s kitsch like Sanford and Son or Wonder Woman?

I haven't seen Now, Voyager in quite a while but this bit

[quote]You can call me Carlotta, Charlie or a name I was once called - cunt

made me lough out loud. I was always thought it was so silly that they'd just start calling her Carlotta.

This is so embarrassing.

EVE: You haven't noticed my latest bit of exterior decorating...

MARGO, (turns, looks): Well, you've done so much... what's new?

EVE: The beef curtains. I did them myself.

MARGO: They are lovely. Aren't they lovely, Birdie?

BIRDIE: Adorable. We now got everything a dressing room needs, including a basketball hoop!

More Now Voyager

CHARLOTTE: Tina, how would you like to go camping? Just the two of us?

TINA: Are you a lesbian?

Charlotte: No, but I do enjoy young, fresh, beaver. Tina: That’s exactly what I was hoping you’d say! Let’s hurry up and go! I ain’t ever had my box eaten before and I can’t wait!

More Now Voyager

DR JACKOWITZ: Camping is very good for psychotics like you two. I hope you engage in hole bumping while lying on the ground, underneath all of those stars. When you return you can tell Jerry and I all about it!

TINA I don’t know how to work a pay phone. It’s too hard for me.

CHARLOTTE I’m not surprised. Do you know how to wipe your own ass?

TINA You hate me, don’t you? I just know you hate me! Everybody hates me!

CHARLOTTE Oh shut the fuck up! I don’t hate you. I just think you have shit for brains, that’s all.

MOTHER: Charlotte, take off that dress. I want to see if you shave your cunt.

CHARLOTTE: Mother, I told you I’ve changed. I no longer wish to have a hairy snatch. Men want women with a bald pussy these days. You’re just going to have to accept it.

MOTHER: (gripping her chest and dying)

CHARLOTTE: What’s wrong, mother? Faking another heart attack? You can dry up for all I care. I’m going to keep my pussy bald. You can’t stop me!

I love this brilliance!!

DOROTHY Please, Aunt Em, Toto didn't mean to shit on your bed He didn't know he was doing anything wrong. I'm the one that ought to be punished. I let him piss inside your closet. You can send me to bed without supper --

MISS GULCH If you don't hand over that dog, I'll lie and say Henry tried to rape me. And then you’ll have to get a shady lawyer and go to court. You’ll spend a shit load of money and have to sell this sad excuse of a farm to pay for it!

Here do this scene with these two greasy whores

Season 5 opening titles….

[CHARLIE TALKING]

Once upon a time, there were three beautiful girls.

Two of them graduated from the police academy.

The other didn’t even graduate from elementary school.

And they each had shit jobs.

So I gave ‘em employment. Made ‘em my bitches.

My name is Charlie fucking Townsend!

ETHEL: Oh, for heaven's sake, those two are at it again. It's three a.m.!

FRED: Well, now hunny bunch you know Ricky has to unwind somehow after his show, and them Cubans love that hot snatch before bed. It helps them sleep! Why, I would mind a hot hole myself!

ETHEL: Well, if you hurry I'm sure Lucy can squeeze you in. She's a whore. A big stinkin' whore!

FRED: Wow. You got anger issues.

ETHEL: Oh, for heaven's sake, those two are at it again. It's three a.m.!

FRED: Well, now hunny bunch you know Ricky has to unwind somehow after his show, and them Cubans love that hot snatch before bed. It helps them sleep! Why, I would mind a hot hole myself!

ETHEL: Well, if you hurry I'm sure Lucy can squeeze you in. She's a whore. A big stinkin' whore!

FRED: Wow. You got anger issues.

Lol r29! I love it!

HUNK:. Well, go ahead, grab it!

DOROTHY: I don't know! It's so big and hot!

ZEKE: Come on, come on! I'm next I tells ya!

AUNT EM: Oh, for corns sake, it's a crueller, not a cock. Course, iffen it was, you know who be first in line! Oh, hi Hickory! Donut?

You must really kill them on the playground!

Enjoying r3

I’m all fired up!

The Now, Voyager fake dialogue troll should stink to Now, Voyager.

[Quote] DR JACKOWITZ: Camping is very good for psychotics like you two. I hope you engage in hole bumping while lying on the ground, underneath all of those stars. When you return you can tell Jerry and I all about it!

Hee hee

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