Dealing with Anger Management in middle age

You talk to others the way YOU expect to be talked to.

Find a therapist because there is a deeper problem inside of you.

R2 is correct.

Sadly, most people with anger issues don’t ever seek help because the underlying issues are too much for many of them to handle.

Re-identify, rename, that feeling you experience and have named "anger" as "energy".

A dam takes the energy of massive matter to hold back water. Think of your anger as that dam that is being used to hold back that compulsion to say ugly words.

Then, just as a dam eases the pressure of the water by opening some valves, allow the dam to calmly allow some calm words out.

Just blame it on your blood sugar levels.

OP, you deserve credit for recognizing your problem. Go into therapy now, before you lose your job or be arrested. In the meantime, if you're angry, say nothing, and count to 5, to calm down.

Have you tried screaming with angry power?

Stay away from fountain pens.

I have had problems with my viper's tongue as well. I learned to step away. Sleep on it. Or send that email rant to myself. Things look different the next day. I think some of us take longer to learn this than others but you can control it. And once you do, you realize you hold all the power. People want to get a reaction out of you so never give them that power.

What are you like drunk?

some might find this trite, but regular (ie daily) strenuous physical activity can be helpful. It’s how I manage my own overwhelming rage!

Thanks r9 you are right. I think when I lash out or last out in defence of someone I love I feel like I or they are being attacked and I automatically go on attack. R10 I’m usually a really jovial drunk. I can be very slutty or sometimes if I drink at home I just like to watch a good movie by myself. I think I have a lot of painful things I’ve just tried to bury I think therapy would do me well.

OP I had a similar experience with my mom in a department store where I lost my temper with the clerk. My mom was also very embarrassed and angry with me, but my mom's a push over. This was about 10 years ago and I'm currently pushing 50. There were other incidents too, particularly when driving. I sought help and made some changes.

I don't get angry these days because I know it just hurts me. The other person just tunes it out but you're left with the physical and mental consequences. It simply serves nobody or thing. Nothing is accomplished so why do it?

For fucks sake OP you finally get to be King after DECADES of just fiddling with your johnson. - just suck it up and lay off the self-pity. Christ.

I kind of like that you told the old man to go fuck himself but if the anger issues have caused you to lose friends/relationships definitely book in with a therapist. The count to ten thing does help too.

OP, you should seek professional help. You will not get mellow and less angry as you get older (as is commonly believed). I know someone who, in their 60s, finally got repercussions for an angry outburst. It involved getting arrested.

Lots of Karens in this thread, having tantrums "defending" their moms in public places.

I love that you are so protective of

^your mother

Some people are douche bags, OP. They deserve your anger. If good people like you don't get angry at the douche bags, how will douche bags ever learn?

The thing to realise, OP, is that you are making a choice. You are choosing your targets, people who can't fight back. And that means you can make other choices.

As you get older, you will become more vulnerable and more dependent on the goodwill of others, even to the point of your life depending on it. That is why you have to control this aggression and low impulse control now, while you can.

Did you regret losing friends or lovers as a result of lashing out? What about your lost investment in those relationships? We have fewer and fewer friends as time goes on, can you really risk losing more?

OP do you have hypertension? It can contribute to bad temper spells i was recently told.

OP, come here to vent on the asshats who post ignorant shit.

Angry outbursts often happen when someone feels unheard, misunderstood, disrespected or devalued. It isn't 'always' unjustified to express anger. Maybe find a better way to do it though. Instead of "go fuck yourself" maybe just calmly say: "Can I speak to the manager?"

You've got it backwards, R22. Stress and anger contribute to hypertension.

I know that r25.

You're in the right place, hun.

Dear OP,

you can either punch pillows until you get an enlightening epiphany regarding your issues, or you could just do the DL thing and smoke copious amounts of pot, silly.

Stay home and yell at the tv.

DL loves lashing out at old people and women because they can’t fight back. OP just keep it up and you will get the shit kicked out of you . No therapy will be needed..

Most anger comes from injury to the ego. Think about it.

[quote]DL loves lashing out at old people, young people, middle-aged people, women, men, theys, non-binaries, Americans, Chinese, Asians, black people, white people, brown people, adjacent people, living people, dead people, in-between people ...

FTFY

Lots of wise advice on this thread I can use myself. A variation on counting to ten is the line often used by the Mark Rylance character in "Bridge Of Spies": 'Would it help?'

Middle-aged & old men with entitlement and anger problems are a societal plague. Why can’t men just learn to be conciliatory?

My father is one such man—he can’t have a dinnertable conversation or a nice walk without a rant or a mean comment or raising his voice for no reason. Of course, such a thing as introspective reflection or therapy or even just apologising for being a rude ragey POS is inconceivable to him, because the rest of the world and everyone in it is the problem, not him.

Sorry to vent, I’m just sick of his shit, and being unable to speak up about it (he’s a veteran and a homophobe, it wouldn’t end well for me). He’s 64, and he’s only going to become more unbearable from now. I just want my Mom to be free of this asshole, but she won’t leave him, even though he hasn’t had a job for over a decade.

I'm so sorry for you and your mom, R34. I agree with you completely, re: "Middle-aged & old men with entitlement and anger problems are a societal plague."

They make up the majority of our leaders, world-wide. These are our hardcore MAGAts. Why Roe fell and Obergefell is in danger. Why our votes may not even count for much longer. Why our planet is on fire. Why you can't go to a parade, school, or the grocery store without fear of getting gunned down with an AR-15.

I'm fed up with their hate affecting us all.

R34 - my dad, who just died at 88 was like that. He wasn’t a dead best or a bad husband (and was mostly a good father) but he was always yelling or complains about something. I withdrew emotionally in my 30s and physically once the whole TrumpShow started 7 years ago - and feel no guilt about it whatsoever. I hope you can distance yourself to a degree that works well for you but still have a relationship with your mom.

Go tell it to Dr. Phil.

OP, you should have followed that old fart out to his car and taken a dump on his hood then smashed his face in it while your mama takes pics for her Pinterest.

R37 so you're saying OP needs to assert himself less? Or others need to assert themselves more?

Actually, learning to be assertive (expressing yourself in a clear and direct way without being abusive) is a good step. Of course you can change. It just takes insight and continued effort.

A teacher friend of mine told me she once quieted a pair of bitchy teenagers by saying, "Now what would be a nice way of saying that?" It's a good exercise. When you find yourself thinking "Fuck that fucking dumbass" or whatever, try to think it through and frame it in a less emotional way, like "How rude. Maybe he's got Alzheimers. That makes people aggressive." Much more copeable.

Clinical depression often manifests itself as ANGER and extreme irritability in men

OP: seek professional help

The middle age is a very dangerous time for men, yet so often overlooked and little discussed

Honestly, OP, what other stories do you have? Because in this, you are right. If someone said that to my mother I would also stick up for her.

You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger.

Ya ain't seen nothing yet.