Immediate changes for Buckingham Palace

The private quarters will be designed by Laura Ashley.

Tampon dispenser in the King's private loo.

Corgis are out and Cavalier King Charles Spaniels are in.

Ashtrays everywhere for the Consort

Solar on the roof and in the gardens.

Buckingham Palace swimming pool will now be an exclusive membership only spa.

The Queen's Rose Garden will be removed for King Charlie's Vegetable Garden.

The queens on staff will now serve a king not a queen.

Marmalade sandwiches every June 5th

The Seven Ladies Waiting will be replaced by Eight Lords a Leaping.

Lists of employees to be made redundant are being worked up as we speak.

The Queen's drawing room will become the new Foaling Barn.

Balmoral sold to the Saudis.

The coronation will be a simple affair in the backyard.

More booze.

The Amontillado cellar will disappear mysteriously around the same time as Prince Andrew.

New drop box for cash deposits…for charity.

When King Charles calls and requests a joint appearance, Paddington will tell him to fuck off.

Free ciggies, ashtrays, lighters, hookahs...all over!

Smoking all the time, everywhere!

You can now wear flip-flops, shorts, and T-shirts when being presented to the royal family. Frozen dinners are acceptable to be served to dignitaries. You are allowed to smoke in front of the King. You can hug Camilla when you meet her. "Hey, how ya doin'?" is permitted as a an acceptable greeting. Tickets for castle tours will now be $750 a piece; the tour will last 30 minutes.

$100K charge to see the private quarters, cash only.

Just a small renovation to tidy things up. It shouldn't cost more than 150 million pounds.

[quote] Tickets for castle tours will now be $750 a piece; the tour will last 30 minutes.

Sitting on the throne is extra.

Only organic, vegan, and cruelty-free teas and dinners.

Only native born daughter’s in law admitted.

You are all terrible! A Queen has died! Show some respect!

Did you guys see the documentary someone posted on DL about, I think, "Backstairs Billy"? The Queen Mother died and he was tossed out on his ear. I wonder how many of the Queen's staff will now be let go.

[quote] Onions and garlic will now be served.

Maybe, but charles doesn’t like them either

Archie can play in the sandbox now. The cats won't bury him by mistake.

You can now wear your tiara at breakfast. Pin as many of Her Majesty’s brooches as you want, for “flair”.

Prince George will be brought to the Queen Consort's chambers each morning for a formal lesson in cunting.

Wait. Onions and garlic were not served? The food must have been boring as fuck. Garlic is divine.

[quote]Maybe, but charles doesn’t like them either

Boring Brit taste.

Charles III will want to be able to grant immunity and pardon criminals just like an American President!

However, as a parliamentary democracy this will be denied him.

I want no changes from what the Queen had.

I doubt there will be many changes. Charles a acts like a 96 year old woman NOW.

The Queen could be quite fastidious about food. Her own and the food the chefs prepared for her Corgis (yes, their food was prepared by the same cooks who made the Queen's food). A chef once prepared rabbit for the corgis. It had traditionally been cut up by hand, but on one occasion a chef decided to put the meat through the meat grinder as he figured the dogs wouldn't care either way. They didn't, but the Queen did. She sent the food back and the chef had to do it all over again and cut the meat into chunks by hand.

[quote] Onions and garlic were not served?

Nope, never at any time, where ever she went. Neither one. Chicken Tikka masala is considered a national dish in the UK and this gal wouldn’t ever once go near it

[quote] Did you guys see the documentary someone posted on DL about, I think, "Backstairs Billy"? The Queen Mother died and he was tossed out on his ear. I wonder how many of the Queen's staff will now be let go.

That’s why Angela Kelly wouldn’t let Meghan see the tiaras - AK47 has them stashed away to fund her retirement when Charles boots her.

The palace will now be abandoned as a royal home. Only playing hotel to heads of state and royal offices. End of an era for that drafty, damp, dump. The family never liked it anyway.

'Lemon Refreshers' for everyone, and only the finest of toilet tissue to compliment!

No fats or fems allowed.

Camilla’s already shipped Liz’s frocks off to goodwill.

All the rugs dent out for a deep cleaning. The upholstered furniture, too. All that Corgi hair and dander and stink removed for something horsier.

Any remaining framed photos of Diana will be binned. Any group photos in which she is present will be digitally altered to remove her.

What was her deal with garlic? Most food is shit without it.

yeah, such a strange thing, but yes, that was her diet.

here is an entertaining article about living like the queen for a week, it's harder than you'd think

The hardest thing for Queen Milla is not falling asleep while smoking.

here is ANOTHER example of how to eat like the deceased queen, note the amount of alcohol. picky eaters rejoice

Cammy needs to get that crocodile skin pulled back. Her peasants will understand.

In a family that has eschewed follicular crop rotation, why do you think Queen Milla would do anything to her face?

I put fresh garlic in everything except desserts. She had baby taste.

Everyone is now allowed to wear sunglasses for all outside engagements.

The more attractive specimens among the many gay staff members must be removed. None of these little queens should be allowed to draw Charles' eye from the big one

I bet Charles loves being the head of the family now. Sort of like Jafar in Aladdin after he was made Sultan. I assume this is what it was like after the Queen's last breath.

A bottle of gin in every room. I mean EVERY room.

The no onions or garlic rule was so guests at long state dinners didn’t offend each other with their breath.

Wtf was going on at these dinners that they were getting close enough to smell each other's breath? Did they descend into orgies? 🤮

Camilla was measuring for new drapes before her body was even cold...

I wonder what Ma'am had against pasta.

Fish and shellfish were out because of worries about dodgy prawns and food poisoning.

Garlic and onions smell, and leave a foul taste, and stink up one's lovely attire.

Phallic foods have been out since the advent of photography.

Queen Camilla will add shotguns, new dog beds, and a refreshed bar with some better bally gin!

Tracey Ullman has a choice on her hands: She can come back to America and do a new show just about the new queen, or she can sell it to the Beeb and get herself locked up.

R59, They are quite tightly packed affairs.

The Princess of Wales title should be retired permanently in deference to Diana, the only Princess of Wales now and forever.

^^She's dead, give it up...Kate will have the title in a year.

No more shit and urine on all the carpets (Unless Charles is prone to accidents, or Trump comes for a visit)

Darren McGrady, former chef to QE, Phillip, and then Diana, said that QE had plain tastes. Darren McGrady has his own YouTube channel and now lives in the US. He said that Phillip had more adventurous tastes (in food).

R65 Charles and Camilla have dogs, and they're over 70.

Accidents will happen.

[quote]Tampon dispenser in the King's private loo.

Can Charles fit in a dispenser?

R68 Oh how he wishes he could!

HM was particularly concerned about her own breath, not just that of her guests.

Baby taste R61. I've been eating shellfish my whole life and never gotten food poisoning. Garlic and onions do not stink up clothes or leave a foul taste, at least not in healthy people. She was a stodgy English eater.

The trash will be taken out back instead of the front curb.

Scotland is the source of lots of seafood, so I'm also calling BS on refusal to eat seafood.

Also, what about Dover sole?

Buckingham Palace gardens will now have organic livestock for serving state dinners. In the new stables, there will be cows, chickens and pigs. The swans will be removed from the pond and a flock of organic ducks will be installed for special occasions.

Chuck now personally owns all the swans in GB, so it will be much easier to get rid of them

All rice grains for throwing by the post-ceremony married couples at their wedding parties and guests, will be sharpened at one end so that they remain stuck in their victims to be collected altogether afterwards and made into lovely rice-and-figgy puddings served at the bridal dinner.

No, by all reports that I've read, it was because the Queen didn't like it, as said above. Charles likes spicy and flavorful food, by contrast.

Sorry, that was for R58 and R59. The thread got away from me.

[quote]I wonder what Ma'am had against pasta.

I couldn't possibly eat spaghetti! Do I LOOK Italian?

Margaret and Elizabeth grew up in an era when pasta and garlic were seen as foreign. It's likely she never developed a taste for it. The sisters were given nursery food such as pureed vegetables even in their teens.

Bombay Mix in every room. And Lulu playing on every tv.

Lights will stay on after 9:00 PM.

[quote] Margaret and Elizabeth grew up in an era when pasta and garlic were seen as foreign. It's likely she never developed a taste for it.

The reason they don't serve / eat pasta for formal events is because long pastas (spaghetti & fettuccine) can be messy. Plain pasta is pretty bland, like rice. The issue is the mess and potential embarrassment.

R81 Liz loved Bombay Mix too! And so did her bodyguards...until she started marking the bowls to keep the peasants out of the royal china.

Never heard of Bombay mix. I can't see how it could be better than Utz Pub Mix.

At last - no more pantyhose, nude nail varnish, ban on sunglasses, restrictions on hair length or colour, legs crossed at ankle only, can now smoke anywhere at any time!

Servants are ordered to play the following for Charles as his morning alarm until coronation.

Twinnings out as official supplier of royal teas, Chuck is a Tetley’s kinda guy.

Ugh, Twining's. Stupid no-edit feature.

The Buckingham Palace Gift Shop will now be featuring a rack of of slightly used hats and purses for sale.

New inventory to be added daily, probably for the next 15 years or more.

The food in Versailles must've been exquisite. Where's the original Germanic family the windsors come from? Do they still have a palace and what kind of food do they serve?

If it’s yellow, let it mellow.

Escalators will be installed next to the grand staircase for those with knee problems.

Palace kitchens shift to "Cookery for Those Gentlemen Afflicted with Gout."

R91 Saxe-Coburg - don’t know about if they still have a palace/castle/homestead.

Pardon me, Saxe-Coburg and Gotha

Prince Andrew can now be seen on OnlyFans

[quote] Saxe-Coburg - don’t know about if they still have a palace/castle/homestead.

You think it might be the Wurst cuisine? I can't eat German or Austrian food. It sits too heavy on me, though i love it, for about 3 days!

Lol

r84 I don't understand how the royal household works. So the Queen has a bowl of nuts scattered around different rooms. Her staff or guards would steal them and she'd be understandable upset. I guess what I don't get is why a woman with an army of staff would care. If I were in her shoes I could just ring the bell and order a fresh batch of nuts from the kitchen. That way they are untouched, fresh, and the situation is handled. Sure, I wouldn't want others in my shit, but I also wouldn't have it sitting around. I'd always want it to be fresh.

The Queen was on weird woman who clearly wasn't creative with the use of her staff.

What is Bombay mix? Sounds like a gin mixer to me.

Royals may now use Cameo.com for personal solicitations

R101 ...

I wish we could have Bombay Mix here in the US. Like food in most restaurants now, everything has to be bland as fuck. Otherwise the internet Karens will leave bad yelp reviews.

[quote] Like food in most restaurants now, everything has to be bland as fuck.

Depends what kinds of restaurants you go to. Thai restaurants don't serve bland food.

All kinds of Indian snacks like that are available at Indian groceries all over the U.S., R104, and even some non-Indian grocery stores.

[quote]Onions and garlic will now be served.

These onions and garlic you speak of are unfamiliar but sound quite delicious!

You can now leave the toilet seat up without offending.

Pants free Mondays.

Prince George and Princess Charlotte will become adept at lighting Nana's cigarette, much to Kate Middleton's horror.

Uni-ball gel pens only.

[quote]Phallic foods have been out since the advent of photography.

Now, it's all the corndogs I can eat!

Stock the Royal larders!

In recent years, the Queen liked to dine alone with a Marks & Spenser take out on a tray,

so she could enjoy her DataLounge...