What's An Adult Problem Nobody Prepared You For?

I thought you had to be informed and talk intelligently as an adult, but realize that most people blurt out whatever primitive thought they have when they have it and you just have to respond to it

Fourteen for the win.

Jesus Christ that site doesn't have enough ads to close

That no one gives a fuck about anyone but themselves, and even barely that.

Hemorrhoids.

FUCKING ECZEMA

Arthritis.

Paxlovid mouth.

Well, since you asked…

That work is never ending misery and that any joy of adulthood is eliminated by having to work 80% of your time awake.

That adult life is not quite as bad as you thought it would be when you were younger, bad at sports and bullied.

Not that I could be anything I wanted when I grew up, but that I'd have to fight for the privelege.

By the time you turn forty, you'll have at least one ailment you thought was for "older people"

I'm most surprised by how so few people stay in your life forever. I was prepared for people dying, but it's those friendships that drift away that really haunt me. It always happens so subtly. People phase themselves in and out of your lives like ghosts. It's weird to imagine how certain people can be such a huge part of your life for a small period of time only to never hear from or see them for years (if at all.)

I still marvel at how mature I thought all the adults were when I was a kid. I assumed that most of them knew what they were doing, but you become their age and think "did they feel the same way I do right now at this age, because they seemed like they were better at hiding their fears and insecurities?" So many teachers, coaches, parents, etc. seemed ancient to me at the time and so much wiser. I see people in their 60's acting like pre-schoolers because they have to wait in line and it blows my mind. How can someone with so many years on them still have the emotional maturity of a toddler?

No one told me that previous dental work fails over time. I thought once I had a filling or crown it would last a lifetime.

Nosiree bobtail.

You have to pay again for fillings to be replaced, crowns that fail, and teeth that spontaneously crack even though you have scrupulously gone in for check ups.

To try and accept that your life may not turn out the way you thought or even just hoped it was going to when you were young, despite trying your best.

That you're scared a lot of the time, still.

My parents never let on that they were scared of anything when my sisters and I were growing up. I'm sure they were, they had to have been. But they never let on and we never saw it from them.

Adulthood was a never ending battle of worry. Mostly about ones health and finances..back when I was a child, who could have predicted what the US was going to become

That four years can go by without notice today, but experiences you had during the four years you spent in high school will be remembered out of the blue decades later and you'll feel it all over again

Peeing constantly.

That your teeth grow apart, providing crevices (and crevasses) where food lodges after every goddamn meal.

R20 Caitlyn Jenner said the difference between fifty and sixty: "Hope you like to pee!"

Trump, Covid-19, Monkeypox, hyperinflation, rapid increase of global warming, all in a fairly compressed timeframe.

Chasing sex

All throughout my life I devoted myself to failing in response to a perfectionist parent. Now she’s dead and I don’t have anybody to rebel against and I fight every day to remember that the ideas she gave me — that I’m unlovable, too broken at the core to ever be wanted, and infinitely disappointing — are only IDEAS. Not the truth.

When I first realized that, I expected to suddenly be able to love and respect myself. I thought self respect would just magically replace my former self loathing. Not so. I believed I was a reject all my life and I still do and the work of shedding that belief will go on until the day I die.

I’m very careful never to buy a gun because of the likelihood that I would turn it on myself. I’ve been sober for 37 years. I can never be relieved of full consciousness except when I sleep.

When I wrote a letter to her to come out, the response I got was So what, what are you going to DO with your life? I was supporting myself, working full-time and in college part-time. Of COURSE that didn’t count! What was I going to DO with myself! How about this, mom: I’ll stop using drugs and alcohol, I’ll graduate, and I’ll loathe you until I die. Have we got a deal?

(I didn’t say that to her, but I did one and two and I’m working on the third.)

You will start getting life-altering illnesses around 45. Maybe 50. The human body is resilient but only to a point.

Time speeding up. And it continues speeding up for the rest of your life.

Also, when you're young, you occasionally lose loved ones, like grandparents. In adulthood, you end up losing just about everyone.

Also, you gain a perspective, and things that seem important or worrisome when you're young become less important and things that make you happy become more important.

Erectile disfunction, so I've been told.

Quicksand

Staying in a job you hate because you need the money

The randomness and unpredictability of life.

Ennui.

After 50, life is too much a matter of loss management.

R14 Regarding the 2nd part of your post; I have a theory about that.

When I was, say, 10 in 1997, people in their 50s were born in the late 1940s. They lived the lionshare of their lives offline, internet didn’t exist. Their parents were likely born somewhere in the 1910s to early 1920s.

No wonder they seemed so put-together, wise, and responsible.

Fast-forward to people in their 50s today, born in the mid-1960s to early 1970s, and you understand that being 50 now is certainly nothing like being 50 two decades ago.

Chronic spastic flatus. I have prolonged farting spells at work and was once physically assaulted by a coworker because of it.

I wouldn't call the Baby Boomers "put-together, wise, and responsible" at all. At least not the ones in my family or ones I have known.

That life is finite. That in another 20, 25 years, I will cease to exist. That's it! The party's over! No one and nothing can possibly prepare you for that stark and disturbing insight when it hits you.

R2...I agree that R14's comment is very good, but how did you know what that comment would be....as it wasn't posted yet?

Yes R37. The realization that most of your life is behind you and if you're lucky....maybe another 10, 20 or 30 years is ahead of you. The Boomers are stuck in a perpetual Peter Pan syndrome....many try to act like they're still teenagers. It's pathetic and a lot of them are assholes.

[quote] Staying in a job you hate because you need the money

You weren’t prepared for this?

Happiness isn't a given.

The world isn't nice like on Sesame Street. And you'll lose a lot of people you've loved to addiction & suicide. Also you may find yourself living one check away from being homeless.

Getting a mental illness that renders you disabled.

Failure.

(Not) draining pasta.

People you love can be unexpectedly cruel.

People, siblings, remember strange, odd things about your past. My siblings quote things I said when I was 12 or 14 years old, sometimes inaccurately. They also misattribute sayings to me. They are lazy and inaccurate about recalling our shared past.

How difficult it is to find a spouse.

No one prepared me for how fast it would go by. Your teens and 20’’s seem to take forever. You look almost exactly the same until about 40. Then as Edina said, you ‘hit an oil patch and you’re just skidding for the grave.”

Good, I'm sick of this dreary life. It can't go fast enough for me.

All the g.d. mundane things that you don't realize someone else was handling.

Dishwasher's broken, but they can only come look at it Friday morning. The only time I can get a haircut this week is Friday morning. "First-world problem" but annoying.

Is the front right tire making a weird noise? Yep, g.d. nail stuck in the tire.

My cholesterol is "just a little off" so let's monitor that.

Why does my mom sound strange on the phone? She's only 68. She's in perfect health - or is she?

Yes, I do want to go kayaking with you Saturday, and to a movie Sunday night! (I need to remember to sneak a couple ibuprofen in my pocket because my damn shoulders will be killing me after kayaking the day before). Why am I now sore so easily?

I don't know how to budget or pay my bills on time

Actually, the fucking pandemic.

All of this stuff about dental problems and dating problems and dishwasher problems is nothing compared to Covid.

Having to care for a beloved elderly parent. Watching her slowly disappear due to dementia. Seeing her succumb to memory loss, inability to walk or even stand on her own and incontinence.

It’s made me of terrified of being trapped in my own failing body.

I had no idea that most adults acted exactly the same way they did as kids in junior high and high school. All these things my parents and the teachers said kids would "grow out of" never actually went away. The spite, the self-absorption, getting angry if you're asked to do even one thing you don't want to do, the refusal to learn a fact of any kind for any reason, not taking things seriously, lying to get out of even small amounts of trouble, people still do it as adults all the time. No one ever grew out of it. No lessons were ever learned. No morals were ever actually imparted onto most American humans.

[quote]One adult problem nobody prepared me for is how expensive everything is.

My parents kicked me out when I was 18 and I had about $1900, which seemed like a ton back in 1990, but the first time I went shopping for just a few days it was nearly $50 and I about had a panic attack. A friend of mine a year older and in college told me that you have to learn how to buy cheap food like mac & cheese and ramen, and all those "adult living" courses in high school were a waste of time. They'd assign us projects to design our own homes, when they should have been saying "pretend you have $25, we're going to the grocery store and you have to make it last two weeks."

That whoever said "Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose" was right.

[Quote]Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose" was right.

If only. Wait until one gets hit with an incurable chronic illness. Things will change.

Most of us are going to die suffering. Dehydrated, in pain, no water, no relief. Slipping away during night is rare.

crabs

This thread is so depressing and so accurate.

Reading the responses I'm struck by how much of this is down to bad management, and many of the posters are simply overweight and slack, but are too ready to blame bad genes. A good life with good health requires the hard yards of good constant management: sensible eating & regular exercise to stay slim, and putting effort into friendships, and finding fulfilment in something you're good at. Yeah, it can be exhausting at times, but the alternative sucks. Admittedly, money solves a shitload of problems, but I also know someone poor who lives a great life full of activity and fulfilment, because the make the investment in energy to make it that way.

R62 is SPITTING TRUTH. All these problems, parents with dementia, etc, its all cause YOU FAT.

R62 you know a poor? Do tell me about them.

R62 is a stupid cunt who knows few people. You have to be a shut in to not know disease comes along and strikes down the very fit as well.

Cateracts...the gift given to us at around 60

r62 is one of our Jordan Peterson fangurls so you'll excuse me if I don't take any advice from them.

R72. You go, gurl. Don't let that prostate cancer kick you in the culo.

[quote]How difficult it is to find a spouse.

It only gets more difficult once you have one.

Seriously though I think threads like this should come with some sort of a ‘ trigger warning.’. There’s literally nothing but sad parts and I worry about some people with depression etc reading them.

Agree r70 to an extent, but anyone who has been around DL for more than 5 minutes knows that these types of threads about aging are never sunshine and daisies…

Being old yourself and caring for your very elderly parents. I never imagined this would happen.

I don't have or want children but it seems that a huge chunk of people regret breeding. No one talks about how miserable having children makes you.

R58 - Indeed. I was referring to basic human nature, and should have been clear about that.

It was assumed that when you become an adult, you would marry and have children. I'm very glad I didn't fulfull that assumption.

That there will be people in your life who will intentionally sabotage or stab you in the back if what you want or are doing conflicts with their own self interest, especially at work.

I was very naive when I was younger and just assumed if I treated everyone fairly they would reciprocate in kind. I definitely paid the price for it.

If you lose your ability to swallow (common in many end stage diseases) you will dehydrate to death. Ghastly.

[quote]...that nobody prepared you for?

LOL - who exactly was responsible for "preparing" you for preparing you for "adult problems?"

It is both impossible and laughable to think that anyone could prepare you for the myriad of situations that life with send your way. Sure, parents can and should provide you with some basic life skills, but ultimately, YOU are responsible for figuring crap out.

It is a reflection of your fundamental abdication of personal responsibility; and therefore, abundantly clear why, you find yourself ill-prepared for dealing with the adult world.

R78 has no one in life. Never had an invested father, a mentor, an elder friend to help guide his life. Poor sod.

That there are horrible people out there who will hate you and hound you because of who you love, who you fuck, that you broke up with or divorced them, because they think your life or job is better than theirs, or because they are jealous losers.

How could parents adequately prepare you for those things, though? They can't. I get that. They probably hope their kids won't have to deal with those types of shitbags, or the worst of them.

I've probably experienced most of that that Upworthy piece talks about and can agree, except for R17. I just think sometimes you really do have to blow up your life. Nothing is worse than a really terrible relationship or abuse. My sister took her own life because she felt that between a brutal job, health issues and a husband that was a worthless sack of shit, she had to accept what she had.

Change isn't easy and sometimes I know the devil we know is easier, but if things are truly awful, change must be a destination.

I've very lucky in some ways (loving partner, no money issues) but miss having friends. Three moves in five years cut a lot of those ties, and I'm now three time zones away from even the few old friends I still have. It's not easy making new friends after 40.

I also had a lot of trauma as a teenager and young adult - which had a very big impact on how I deal with people and the world around me. I am very shy, tentative and wary of people as a result, and I am trying to be more gentle with myself and accept some of those things. In the long run, it's impacted my friendships and if I'm being honest, has been a roadblock to higher tiers of success in my career.

R63 Let's speak English, dear.

"but I also know someone poor who lives a great life full of activity and fulfilment, because the make the investment in energy to make it that way. "

What a stupid thing to make up, R62. If you're going to get preachy, learn to spell.

That people, deep down, are decent and reasonable. I found that to be the opposite. Not all....but many people don't have that goodness and decency, deep down....and have a true meanness to the core.

R84 I think when we were children people did have a common good or respected a common good, didn't go out of their way to be evil cunts.

Reagan/Bush years torched a lot of that, as did the loss of a lot of the middle class, and Trump et al washed away what was left. Society is just out for itself these days.

How much certain people enjoy torturing other people just for kicks.

[quote]Reagan/Bush years torched a lot of that, as did the loss of a lot of the middle class, and Trump et al washed away what was left. Society is just out for itself these days.

You Americans. It's always THEM, isn't it!

I'm 72. Some simple problems I was not prepared for:

I choke easily on small things like my own saliva or a drink of water.

I have a cataract and need surgery. Meanwhile it's a struggle to read.

I stumble easily, have tripped over tiny things and fell flat. I have to be very careful on stairs.

Have to pee a lot. Must proactively pee in advance to avoid accidents.

Still feel socially awkward in group settings but opinions still fly out my mouth that embarrass me later.

I look back on the golden age of my life when my wonderful parents were alive knowing that particular happiness is gone forever. I'm glad I had it though.

I have lots of energy, an active mind and social life but I must work to stay positive and remember to be grateful for the good things.

The near future is a great unknown where it used to be filled with long term goals. Now I hope for 5 or 6 more good years when it used to be decades. Living in the present is a good thing I learned.

OP, I'll make it easy for you. The purpose of life is the find one's gifts. The meaning of life is to give those gifts to others.

R87 I didn't want to turn it into a political thing. But American life has changed a lot in 50 years, in ways that I don't think are easy to identify or explain in a catch phrase. A lot of is IS economic and political.

It trickles down to the day to day for many, because I think for many people their sense of well being and security was taken away.

[quote]OP, I'll make it easy for you.

^ Madame Know-It-All.

She has it all worked out!

[Quote]Still feel socially awkward in group settings but opinions still fly out my mouth that embarrass me later.

You're kind of adorable, hon. Never change.

Good thread.

The slogan really should have been #ItGetsBitter. Getting older ain't easy!

[quote] ^ Madame Know-It-All.

Says someone who clearly has no gifts to find.

I wasn’t prepared for how dishonest, corrupt, and fly-by-night our public schools and legal system are.

Even when it would be easier to do a job correctly and ethically, people will go out of their way to invent new ways of being corrupt.

You could just feel people turning meaner and more selfish as they become more money driven and smitten with materialism. Started in the early 1980s as best I can tell. The richer we became as a nation and people the more we wanted. Vulgarity is the natural extension. Now we need escape but forgetting the way back we press on, numbing ourselves with booze and drugs.

The fact that, no matter how you work on being healthy, fit and trim, your skin collapses around your frame like wet paper and the frame itself sinks and twists so that you look like you've been stored in a box for a year.

Ugh.

Everyone's apathy, and isolation - even in their own family, with their own spouses/loved ones. There's only so much we can do or be for others, and most of our working lives are spent solo, away from our families. 1/3 of our lives are sleeping and 1/3 of our lives is spent working (if we are so lucky to have regular hours) so that leaves the other 1/3 to try to deal with yourself and everyone else, it's just not really possible to do it all or be it all.

In addition, In a family or couple there is a person that does all the heavy lifting, and you know who you are. Most likely your family takes you for granted and they will be rather clueless and lost, when you go.

The people around you never really get smarter or more mature, especially if you’re a gay man.

Apparently we should have been prepared for kangaroo attacks in Australia, and roaming wild wolves from the zoo in the Greater Vancouver area, if today's news is any indication.

R90 trickle-down economics, indeed.

R62 I have maintained fitness and eaten well but have had 2 different forms of cancer (haven’t event gotten to skin or prostate yet, which most of us should be concerned about). So your post sounds a lot like a vision board to me,

Agree that nobody prepares you for all the mundane / preparatory stuff you need to do -- just to maintain / remain level.

The "chop wood, carry water" saying is really true.

You think you have a bit of money and then it goes to car insurance or some other kind of insurance or TAXES.

Seeing just how devastating the obesity epidemic truly is. My parents friends are dropping like flies, mostly due to avoidable illnesses caused by poor diet & bad habits.

The use of complicating a situation in order to get control of others.

r88 Buddy, don't worry about having cataract surgery. I've had it twice, and it's easy and painless, less bothersome in itself than getting a normal filling at the dentist's. The only annoyances are the usual ones of simply having to go to a medical facility for the procedure--being wheeled around on a gurney, etc.

(And, should you ever need it, getting so-called "secondary cataract" surgery is even easier.)

Yeah, I've heard only good things about cataract surgery results.

R88 really loved what you wrote ❤️

Old people, boomers especially, it didn’t occur to me they where going to control everything and finger wag their way into the grave. All the time saying the money isn’t important it is personal responsibility to achieve as they’re renting you a garage for 2000 dollars a month to live in.

I figured when I was grown up I didn't have to obey my parents any more. But now I am at their beck and call because they are old. It never ends.

R88 I can relate to everything you said. Except for cataracts, I already had mine out at 45 and now my eyesight is starting to fail. A lot of you who are scared of getting old and facing death, stop worrying. if you manage to get really old, you kind of look forward to death. I am 72 and have tons of chronic health problems. the best you can do to ease the pain of it all is learn to laugh a lot. Learn to laugh at yourself.

But then don't you piss yourself?

[quote] trickle-down economics, indeed.

Any of us who were alive in those years could see and notice the changes.

But I'm doing historical/genealogical research and some of those changes happened so slowly that it's hard to appreciate how substantial they are. Even the smallest towns used to have their own economies, their own small grocers, hardware stores, etc. So much of that is just gone.

Without pointing a finger or wading into politics, I think it's probably Sociology 101 to understand that when money and things become scarce, or harder to come by, people make lists. They also draw boundaries, and usually, they try to push some members of the group away, so the resources are shared by fewer people.

A story as old as time. Just a hard thing to accept when we can remember times of peace and plenty, and a more generous common good.

The heartbreak of psoriasis.

The worst one for me was the day I walked into a funeral home and saw my mother's body lying in a coffin. Nothing prepares you for that, especially if you loved your mother as I did.

R115 Yes, it's an awful thing.

And I was the last one to see her as they were closing the doors of the viewing salon. I made sure of that.

You learn after someone dies that your memory of them is all of your memories, not just how they are today or the last time you talked

You might be annoyed at your Mom because of her political views in 2022, but after she's gone you'll remember the vacation where she brought you everywhere you wanted to go, and bought you everything you wanted as a souvenir

As a young adult, the loss of an ex (coincidentally my first guy) to murder is extremely gruesome. I’m just past the two month mark of finding out. I’m more stable now but the world around me is a mess. I just want to sleep, that is all. This has all been a lesson for me and by large, one of the deepest mental experiences. He was a good person and I still loved him immensely. Life is unfair.

Nobody prepared me for this. It makes grandma or your mom dying feel like a cakewalk in comparison. A life long and well lived is a justified death, the murder of a young man is a tragedy.

[quote]What's An Adult Problem Nobody Prepared You For?

Gray pubic hair.

I had no idea how health insurance works when I began my first real job after college.

[quote] What next? Bees?

How about BRAIN-EATING AMOEBAS??!

I don't think our parents had near as much information as we do because of the internet. I think a parent can only teach so much and then you just have to learn as you live.

r14 I have come to realize that friends come and go because because they are there when you need them then they move on. All we can do is be grateful that they were there.

I raised 3 kids. I watched to see where their interests lay and then steered them towards that when they went to college. They all did well. I taught my son to always put his wife first over me or anyone else. Unfortunately she's a bitch but she makes him happy so that's all I care about.

A parent has no idea what lays ahead for them so it is hard to teach them what to be aware of. I remember when one of daughter's got her first paycheck and said what the hell is this? taxes, SS, etc. I forgot to warn her. I think they watched enough of the crap that I went thru with their father so they managed to avoid all those pitfalls.

We can only do the best that we can do and only give what we have.

The only thing I learned from my parents was to be honest. That was it because I was pretty much on my own. I was very quiet throughout my life and just watched other people and that is how I learned most things. Somehow I did a much better job than my parents and I was grateful for that.

That the social dynamics of middle and high school never end, apparently.

It's like the fifth ring of hell-forever.

The most neoliberal presidents we have had were all Democrats--Clinton, Obama and even Saint Carter all passed laws and carried out policies that their pseudo-opponents never would have been able to.

Capitalism as the answer to every question and the accompanying greed, oligarchic capture of the political system for their own benefit is totally bipartisan.

Doing your taxes. For me, it's the absolute worst of responsibilities that cannot be skipped. It symbolizes everything I hate.

Just how juvenile adults of all ages can act.

I love they included "Constant Cleaning"

You can spend hours cleaning up and a week goes by and it's like you did nothing

Nobody told me life would change dramatically once I age and am no longer "young and hot". The bubble is real.

Caitlyn Jenner said the difference between fifty and sixty: "Hope you like to pee sitting down.!"

Fixed for R22

That people who "love" you lie to you.

That people who claim to love you - e.g. your family - would, in a second, go with the majority mob and leave you in the dirt.

High School is eternal.

[quote] Nobody told me life would change dramatically once I age and am no longer "young and hot".

You never looked at your grandmother or grandfather and realized that they weren't having it so easy, looks-wise?

It's kind of sad, you are only young and hot for a very short amount of time. You are supposed to gain wisdom but most people don't. I know a lot of old people (old myself) that don't have one kernel of wisdom.

That some adults don't grow out of being petty and manipulative like they were as teenagers.

Losing a pet would be harder as an adult than as a kid.

Life is daunting in your twenties with so many years ahead of you. The feeling of needing to prove yourself and "being cool" is more dominant that actually enjoying being young.

That the "truth" rarely correlates with facts and most will ignore facts that challenge their comfort. If you learn this early on, you avoid wasted time and effort.

I didn't figure the Boomer would become so greedy, at any cost.....children of the 60s, indeed.

*boomers^

Hippies were a tiny minority. The majority of their cohort used peace and love as propaganda; a cover for their selfishness and cutthroat nature.

Age of consent.

Do you really have to ask?

The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy.

R128 that is a pearl of wisdom

Kindness is all that matters

You never get over childhood abuse regardless of how old you get.

That by the time you're a grown up, the world will have changed.

In the same vein - if you live somewhere for a long time, it will change around you.

How I can feel so bad yet look so good.

No ties. No busts. No booze. No needles.

My adult problem? Dealing with mentally-ill adult siblings as they traipse around thinking that primogeniture demands that I give them respect.

Lifelong acne.

They lied and said it was just an adolescent thing.

"Wipe front to back."

But then I wouldn't be quite the legend I am!

That five orgasms a day would one day, when I reached my late 60s, slow down to three.

To R15, I still have 4 fillings in my mouth from 1968. Mom took me to the project dentist in the Schuylkill Falls housing project. Every dentist I have visited out here on the West Coast, Chicago area, NYC area. Lots of children from St Bridget's went to that dentist. My fillings are fine.

How fucking annoying it is to have to decide what to eat every single time 3 times a day.

[quote]How can someone with so many years on them still have the emotional maturity of a toddler?

That's usually how it works. You regress once you hit 65+. Your filter also becomes basically non-existent once you get that old. Children, also, have the same filtering problem.

Drinking piss is fun.

Old people have filters. They just actively choose to turn them off because it's less effort.

[quote]How fucking annoying it is to have to decide what to eat every single time 3 times a day.

Ya, I hear ya bro; will it be a fly, a spider, or a worm ...

[quote]How fucking annoying it is to have to decide what to eat every single time 3 times a day.

Pick one thing that you especially like and then eat it three times a day. Problem solved. It may get boring, but all of those aggravating mealtime decisions will be a thing of the past.

I read about a guy who actually did this. He always liked pizza, so he decided to make it his meal every day of the week. He seemed quite content with his decision.

The comments regarding schooling as a goal: I thought everyone's desire to be smarter and more educated would continue throughout life. As a kid, I certainly knew adults that worked at being smarter, more well-read and curious about their surroundings and the wider world. As an adult, most colleagues and peers are content with what they know and pop culture, not interested in seeing anything new or meeting someone different. It's kind of sad when they then lament that life has passed them by.

r157=Darfur Orphan

[quote]Old people have filters. They just actively choose to turn them off because it's less effort.

And much less reward for them as well.

A young man can get laid if he's careful with what he says, but an old man is lucky if he gets a smile and a pat on the back for being polite.

[quote]An Adult Problem Nobody Prepared You For?

Was not ready for these mental health issues: anxiety and depression—plus the resultant perpetual insomnia they cause. I am tired and stressed ALL THE TIME. 😿

My Mom, when I had teenaged anst and problems....said to me, "When you become an adult, it will get better.". She was so wrong. So very wrong.

R55, very well said!

After the age of 40, you think about money more than sex.

And as Iris Apfel says, after a certain age, everything you have two of, one of them hurts.

Only thing I encountered was losing a sense of purpose once I retired, it wasn't that huge of deal for me, I adjusted pretty quickly and embraced my inner lazy bum. It just wasn't something I expected.

My it seems like a lot of you have so much you just can't deal with, my life while not tragic was far from perfect but I guess I have coping mechanisms that you just don't have.

Many practical things everyone needs to know, but Schools and parents fail to teach you, like Labour laws, taxes and many other bureaucratic stuff you need to deal way more than advanced calculus and the name of the nucleotides. Things that can have serious consequences if you go blind. Now it's less an issue, because you can search the info easily.

A course in finances, investing and practical ways of handling money/credit cards should be taught in schools. Once you start making money when you're young, you spend a lot of it on stupid, unnecessary purchases. If you don't rein in using credit cards, not putting some money aside in a savings or investments....you'll regret it later on when you want to retire comfortably. I think back on all the stupid things I did with money....how much better off I'd be now if I was more responsible.

Going from an exciting whirlwind life in my twenties to celebrating that I was able to poop today in my old age.

r166 there are some great videos on youtube about falling asleep. Maybe one of them can help.

Medicare. Why is our "elderly care" system so complicated? Because of Disability I become eligible on September 1.

That when you get old, you accidentally hit FF instead of WW. Mea culpa, R88. I loved your post.

*angst...not anst...

R175, because they don't want you to use it.

R162, also consider intermittent fasting where you only eat once a day. It can be freeing.

Red moles

Health is a blessing that we almost never appreciate when we have it, but some of the deepest despair in one's life can be the loss of it.

I (used to) love to read and have a photographic memory and could zap through books and magazines quickly and find typos and grammatical errors in seconds

Now I wear reading glasses while I watch porn

I have three wardrobes, fat, fatter and the thin I thought I would never be again. After covid, I lost 75 pounds and am now smaller than my smallest clothes. My body just does things on its own without my knowledge or permission.

Being lonely

That being the baby of the family means you'll have to deal with the death of your siblings.

The strange combination of loneliness and not wanting to be around other people.

The realization that you've basically seen all pornography.

Having to deal with people who don't enjoy listening to you complain.

Realizing that there is a sense of meaninglessness to life as you get older, that worsens with the years. Just a hamster on a wheel, and it gets exhausting.

prolapse!

How to manage chronic health conditions, especially taking medications properly as prescribed. The general public’s health literacy even for basic health info (like high vs. low blood pressure numbers) is abysmal. Add it along with financial literacy classes starting middle through high school.

Trans and non-binary people. For the life of me, I can't get their pronouns right!

Insomnia

Indigestion

DataLounge morphing into Infinite Scroll

[quote]Insomnia

WW'd at 4:20 am. :(

[quote]Being lonely

Exact opposite problem for me: my introversion has gone to extreme levels as I age. Being around people (even my own pets sometimes) exhausts me. I long to be in a cool, dark, quiet room without stimuli.

The only time I truly feel lonely is in a crowd of people.

[quote]That being the baby of the family means you'll have to deal with the death of your siblings.

Considering how fragmented and estranged our family has become, I expect most to be dead and buried before I get the news.

Emptiness inside.

That the world is always changing. When you're a kid you think it's going to be the 1950s forever.

[quote]but I also know someone poor

Yes, strange and shocking, but completely true. And I didn't even have to buy a ticket to view them.

Jokes aside: they're also a longterm HIV survivor. I don't think that's the reason they're so gung-ho about life – I think they were always that way. When I can't be bothered doing something, I often think of their attitude of making every day count. Because they really do! In addition to that they're a real people person. Their home is always full of friends and fuck buddies – something I'd personally find exhausting. But it's still an inspiration. Just like someone else I know who lives "life as theatre" -- when you visit them there's always fun dramas going on, and people coming and going: a non-stop whirlwind of activity and hilarity. There's a lot to be learnt from such life enhancers who look towards the sunlight rather than chew over their navel fluff. It's all too easy to just let days drift and become self-absorbed in personal problems, and magnify them by dwelling on them. Count what blessings you have, and get moving. p.s. Can I have ALL your stuff?

That I would fall in lust with my Priest who is making eyes at me.

That I would end up on an island of diminishing aspect.

The heartbreak of Psoriasis

Going slightly walled eyed in one or both eyes.

The insidious loss of balance, which can begin to rear itself not long after retirement age.

I don’t fall frequently or need a walker, but there are certain situations where the keen sense of stability I once possessed in my younger days is failing me.

For example, I was at a a beach in Maine recently, where rocky outcrops surround most of the area, and walking through them to access the ocean was extremely challenging. No matter how hard I tried to relax and steady myself, I just couldn’t and felt as though I was going to take a nasty fall at any moment.

I hated facing the fact that my sense of balance has substantially diminished and that it’s indicative of and inherent to the aging process.

When you’re young, “you fall down go boom” and “ do a poo-poo” in your pants. When you’re very old the cycle repeats itself. No one can prepare you for that.

R206, you are correct about the balance thing. I’ve noticed that in myself.

R206, we love you!! Get up!!

r202 Fleabag, is that you?

How moody straight men can be

That you will never have normal bowel movements as you hit your 50s.

Wanting to go to bed at 9PM and get up at 3AM. I fight this constantly. I force myself to stay up until midnight (which a scant few years ago felt like getting to be 'early') and sleep until 6.

^^^ Yup, that's me! Down at 9pm and up at 6 or 7am. Evidently, God has intended it to be so!

That the older I got, the faster time would seem to pass, until I turned around one day and realized I was a senior citizen, with no idea how I got here so quickly.

Turn back around

The vanishing of bookstores, record stores and video stores eliminated 80 percent of my recreational activities

Getting tired of keeping up with pop culture. When I was a whippersnapper I sneered at oldsters who were reluctant to learn about the latest and singers, stars, movies, etc. Decades later, every time someone comes up with something new, I just shrug and think, "eh, in five years they'll be forgotten and some other 'best ever' new thing will have taken their place."

I'll just show myself out - time to listen to the Top 100 Billboard Hits of 1969 again.

Being positive, honorable, and generous are often liabilities in this world. You can be good-natured and kind, but that doesn't guarantee you will be surrounded by kind people in adulthood. Often, you attract cunning users and manipulators who view your kindness as a weakness they can exploit. Also, there are plenty of petty individuals who will be resentful or envious of your positivity. Yeah, it feels good to do things for others, but more parents should teach their children that being kind is not the same as being a doormat. Nobody should "aspire" to be a martyr.

I agree with the posters who said a lot of people are selfish or self-absorbed. It's common to know people who value you because of what you can do for them. If you have a relationship with someone who truly likes you for yourself, hang onto him/her. People like that are rare.

You can be a kind, positive person and still set boundaries. They aren't mutually exclusive concepts.

[quote] Chasing sex

NOT doing that is one of the best things about getting older. It’s been a huge relief to get older and get that annoying fucking pointless monkey off my back.

R219: I didn't say they were mutually exclusive.

I wrote: "...but more parents should teach their children that being kind is not the same as being a doormat." That is along the lines of what you wrote.

I used to love 24-hour diners after bars and clubs in my twenties, but now I wonder how someone can eat such heavy food so late at night? And what time are you getting up the next day?

High finance.

Paying your bills and balancing a checkbook was as complex as my family got. Now it is all about things I can’t even name

Spending a lot of time in the supplement aisle.

r162, I know someone who does almost that. Same thing for breakfast every day, same thing for lunch, and same thing for dinner. NO variation except in social situations which are rare. I would get so damned bored, but she says she doesn't really get anything from food.

^^ I know somebody like that. They just say food is fuel. Thin as a rail.

Maintaining your enthusiasm to keep working when you are a few years from retirement. If insurance and healthcare weren’t so damn expensive I’d happily retire now in my late 50s

Yeah, the kindness thing. I curse my mother for being so hard on me about being nice and polite. Fortunately, I am an introvert and a bit of a loner so don't get taken advantage of much. When people are rude to me on the net I have always had trouble telling them off. I am finally able to do it after spending a lot of time on DL so I thank you all for teaching me how to tell people off.

That nothing, and I mean NOTHING ever gets better.

I knew a lot of this at 12. I had miserable parents who fought all the time. They didn't like me because I was a sissy and the other boys made fun of me. What the fuck did we get stuck with?! Then with puberty depression and anxiety kicked in(it does run in the family.) If I tried to explain this to the guidance counselor he didn't care. What work for my paycheck? If I tried to explain what I was going through to my parents they would start yelling at me. You know the fascist mafia Catholic type.

Anyway all this to say that very early on I knew that life was a nightmare and things only get worse. As a boy I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I dreaded every day. There was never any joy in the morning. Just Oh no another day of hell! I knew adult responsibilities don't make life better from the adults around me. They weigh on what you're already enduring with a much heavier load. Things don't surprise me except for as terrible as life is it's not even worse. And that worse I'm expecting any day now.

Knowing that I'm probably not employable, anymore. Except in a service position.

Never feeling really financially secure to retire , 1 million is not not enough now

R206 Don't risk a fall! Take a hiking stick with you when you're on trails or uneven ground.

Also, search Google for various exercises to improve your balance.

Taking snaps for fuck-apps that don't make one resemble a myopic gila monster, and wrangling photo filters.

Making six figures doesn’t mean shit unless you’re making high six figures. When I was a kid in the late 80’s/90’s, I established a generic goal of making 6 figures when I got older.

Well, I’ve been making low six figures for the past 12 years, and I definitely don’t feel particularly rich or well off. Hell, all my friends are in the same boat and they tend to complain about money issues as well (including the handful who live in million dollar homes).

Fucking everything. Especially taxes I’m 30 and I still get confused

Gout

R62 has a point.

The richest people I know, a couple of distant relatives who have millions in global property and live in a compound in New Zealand, are unhealthy unhappy unfit drunks. They haven't significantly struggled with anything external to their own bodies or minds since the late 1990s. They can have whatever they want, whenever they want it, however, and from anyone they click their fingers at. And they lack a deep or engaging or charismatic personality between them. There's nothing there but hollow conviviality that wanes by the year. Over half of their family & friends despise them, and only tolerate them for the money. They have access to the best healthcare, the most space and free time, all the options in life, and they do and say and think the same shit they always have. Sad.

[quote] I’ve been making low six figures for the past 12 years, and I definitely don’t feel particularly rich or well off. Hell, all my friends are in the same boat and they tend to complain about money issues as well (including the handful who live in million dollar homes).

If everyone you know is making the same or more as you, you'll always feel hard done by. Nobody ever looks down, only up.

[quote] I hated facing the fact that my sense of balance has substantially diminished and that it’s indicative of and inherent to the aging process. When you’re young, “you fall down go boom” and “ do a poo-poo” in your pants. When you’re very old the cycle repeats itself. No one can prepare you for that.

While I don't want to die young, I defo want to go out before this stage.

Reckon Bowie had it right, punching out just as he hit 70, still mobile and lucid and able to control his functions. Watching my grandmother who is now pushing 90 struggle to walk in a straight line or form sentences or put a spoon to her mouth without spilling has been extremely sobering. We shouldn't live so long.

Beautiful penises attached to men with “street smarts”.

I can’t carry another idiot because I’m not that bright myself, but please don’t brag about street smarts when you’re living off peanut butter. That RE tax bill just magically pops up twice a year and you’ve owned for twelve.

This grim litany of bitterness and woe surprise me, because there are studies that show people over 60 are happier than they were when they were younger, and in fact are the happiest group

When I look back, I am glad to have resolved or at least survived past problems, including a lawsuit that lasted the better part of a decade. I'm much fitter, healthier and actually look better than in the past. Just about everyone who ever hurt me, ie, my family, is gone and can cause no further pain.

I have a lot of regrets about the choices I made and now there is no time to re-do them. But as they say, If you knew better, you'd have done better. I try to be more forgiving of myself.

None of us was prepared for the downward turn the world has taken, though the dark clouds were on the horizon for decades. Growing up post-WWll, we thought we'd never see a Depression, a major war, societal breakdown, or climate change. But as my mother used to say, If you live long enough, you'll get to see everything.

Mindfulness is really the thing. The poster who said that much of life past 50 is about loss management is right, but we can mitigate that by training ourselves to see, acknowledge and appreciate what we do have.

And for God's sake, don't add to the suffering in the world...

What's An Adult Problem Nobody Prepared You For?

Syphilis

Health Insurance while working for business' who don't offer it.

To R242, I agree with you!! Except for the regrets, starting out on Wall Street in the mid 1980's I had 2 strikes against me. I wasn't a connected WASP or JEWISH man however I was smarter than everyone I knew at the time. I did what I did!! At 61 yrs old, I have never been Happier. I never regretted raising the kids because my ex-wife wanted a career.

'At last I am free from a cruel and insane master.' - Socrates, age 80, at the loss of his libido

Shame everyone else still can't be free of mens' lust-driven cruelty and insanity, R246.

Undependable sphincters.

[quote]Just about everyone who ever hurt me, ie, my family, is gone and can cause no further pain.

I wish the death of one's bête noirs was more of a "I Won!" thrill, than the ho-hum, life-is-passing damp squib of news it generally proves to be. It would at least be some compensation!

Ear, nose and back hair

Not becoming Queen of the United Kingdom just because I want it.

Rabid Meghan haters show up in the darnedest of threads.

Corns

When you watch stunt people on tv and can only say, 'yup, they'll be needing new knees and hips before they're 50!', if they make it that long.

The Data Lounge

Maria, the cuntface

Driving around your hometown and not recognizing 70 to 80% of it. There are certain landmarks you expect will always be there when you're a kid. That McDonald's your parents took you to get breakfast on the weekends or that country club you always wished you were a member of or your favorite movie theater where you saw the movies that shaped your youth. You figure that these places always seemed to be thriving and have lots of people there so they'll never go away, but many of them do. Walking into the mall I frequented as a child is a depressing experience these days. All my favorite stores are gone. I got emotional in one of the department stores because it still looked so much like it did when I was a child whereas everything else was so different.

They remodel things for seemingly no reason. Just to be more hip or look fresher and they almost always kill the charm of the original. Even worse is when they bulldoze a building completely to make way for a new parking lot or a boring mini-mall or gas station with nothing of interest.

I understand that things must change in life, but I don't see why everything has to, especially if the change isn't for the better. This is why I love that many European countries keep many of their buildings the same to preserve the history. They seem to care much more about history than the U.S. does.

Having to modify and change the way you interact with your older and more distant relatives. You feel like a kid around them still, and sometimes they still treat you or talk to you like a kid, but you're both adults, so it's awkward now. There ought to be etiquette classes that walk you through that change.

Lack of sexual desire. I hate it.

R189 The meaningless gives meaning. It dissolves constrains.

The adult problems I was unprepared for include that the importance of getting money would shape and reshape the world and people physically mentally and emotionally. These money getting adaptations would constantly change landscapes in these respects. It would alter views and opinions politics and relationships. That these adaptations would Largeley occur to assist one to stay attached to the money flow. Also that about a third of the people I know/knew, I would consider mentally ill. People at one time quite functional, would be Squeezed into weird dysfunctional mental shapes by trying to fit in to the world as it and changed and they aged and took roads which led to mental quagmires of dysfunctionality. A state brought on by drugs behaviors acquired as children by upbringing or experiences like PTSD etc. Just the stress of living in a unforgiving social landscape that is the USA.

Having so many guys wanting to dom me.

Cocks that are too big for my mouth

Teeth coming out during a blow job. Oh dear!

R235 Six figures is fine if your living without a 5 figure mortgage multiple 5 figure habits and a 5 figure spouse.

[quote] but more parents should teach their children that being kind is not the same as being a doormat.

Agree. Too many people are either out for themselves cunts, or go completely to the other side and are mealy mouthed doormats who are miserable but never speak up for themselves.

You can be a kind and generous person, a positive soul, and empathetic to others - and still enforce boundaries and dodge people with negative energy.

[quote] Corns

I hear you! Particularly when I don't remember eating any.

People assume I know what I am doing. They often also assume I know what is really going on and what should be done as well as who I should call.

I’m trying to smoke while avoiding the rain of seagull shit. Go away

That a spouse can walk out on me, our two kids on a dime, and never look back. That I think about him and miss him everyday even though he is a POS, happily living with another.

That you can be so full of painful memories, there is hardly room in your heart for any more. And I don’t want anymore good ones. They all turn bad.

There’s a lot more bad stuff but if I think too long about it I’ll never sleep.

When you realise you can see the end of a relationship right from the beginning.

[quote] That a spouse can walk out on me, our two kids on a dime, and never look back. That I think about him and miss him everyday even though he is a POS, happily living with another.

R269, see R266😕

That I can be triggered into blind rage and hatred toward a person over small seemingly innocuous or superficial things, because I have peculiar sensitivities.

E.g. I have super-sensitive hearing, and my mom has a chronic and uniquely disgusting cough (honestly, so gross—sounds like she’s been gargling cock), that makes me want to scream at her and slap her into next week. I can’t be around her without spikes in stress because of it, and it makes our otherwise ok relationship sour. She refuses to acknowledge the issue or seek treatment even when I calmly bring it up, though—of course, she can’t be expected to compromise or try to help address it...

Wow, you sound like a real asshole R272. That woman pushed you out of her twat!

R272, I totally get it. My father, for many decades, does this thing after he eats where he tries to suck out food that might be caught in his teeth. I absolutely abhor the sound. It's such a habit that he doesn't realize he's doing it. Even knowing that, I cringe, especially when we're out in public or we have company.

[quote]Lack of sexual desire. I hate it.

Someone needs to make an appointment with their doc for a testosterone check.

Lack of sexual desire is one of the best things about getting older - to me. Not having an irrational need to stick your dick in something no matter what the consequences. The mind and spirt open up to so many more meaningful things. And all that time wasted on a 20 second ejaculation suddenly free to do something productive or meaningful.

^^^ Does this mean you don't masturbate every day?

Toenail fungus.

Gray hair and bonus adult acne. Old AND awkward.

That dealing with Medicare and "providers" could be so time-consuming. Yet all you get for that effort is a couple of minutes with the doctor.

R279 lately there’s a single white hair that’s kept coming through my one eyebrow. Makes me feel like an ancient wizard. Yet I’m a baby-faced 30 with hormonal spots.

Mass shootings. Wait, does that count as an adult problem?

The aftermath of a parents death concerning the will and siblings. You really get to see the real people that you grew up with. Horrifying, insane, and greedy as fuck.

R283 personally, I am eagerly anticipating my 80-something grandmother's death (she's still healthy-ish, could be a while...) for this reason, because it is the only thing that is going to smarten my Mom up to the depth of the selfish NPD assholery of which her older brothers & their handmaiden wives are capable. I've tried telling her and showing her every other way that they're completre l!zard people, and yet she won't let go and see the truth. Well, let's see what happens when that mean crone finally kicks the bucket then, Mama.

[quote]The aftermath of a parents intestate death and the whole damn family.

Fixed to highlight a different layer to the same hell.

The malevolence of stepmothers and their children.

R286 had a Stepmonster too!

[quote] Not having an irrational need to stick your dick in something no matter what the consequences. The mind and spirt open up to so many more meaningful things.

There is nothing more meaningful than sticking your dick in something no matter what the consequences.

R249 To last just long enough to outlive all your enemies. Wasn't that Vidal's wish?

R289 Well, once your enemies are all gone, what's the point of living?

Overbearing Filipino in-laws.

How all life's tragedies are cumulative. They wear on you.

On the bright side, you develop a hide. Banter becomes easier and far less threatening. I don't care about name-calling, I know who I am. And I like other people who have tough hides.

Corrupt government officials. Particularly, Italian judges in New Jersey connected to the mob.

The cost of it all.

You will masturbate your whole life and enjoy it

You nailed it, OP. Especially #2 and #4. I think about this every single day.

I fart on steaks before I serve them to family and friends

A fart joke! So funny!

I am doomed to repeat the same farcical, ridiculous situations the different people and each time I have to play a different role in the melodrama.

Tedious

Losing Congressional elections!

Being elected to Congress.

Not wanting my dogs to ever go away and not wanting them to outlive me

The arguments I had with myself before getting each pet spayed/neutered…

OP nails it with the maintenance. And I'm paying for right now with not flossing, foot calluses and everything in between.

The fact you have to start trimming your eyebrow hair after a certain age.

And nose and ear hair R305, which grows at the most disgustingly fast pace.

R303 do you ever slap yourself around?

R305 and r306 are why working from home should be mandatory. Nobody has to worry about anyone else’s grooming.

I wish more people were more concerned about their own grooming, R308.

Straining on the shitter can cause a stroke.

[quote]The fact you have to start trimming your eyebrow hair after a certain age.

Spot-on, R305. Most guys don't let it go quite this far, but...

That you might outlive your entire family.

That right when you will start to catch up and get ahead financially, something will reliably, without fail come along and gobble up those relief funds. Every time.

R295, as long as you don't have "bottom surgery" that's true.

Once you get the chop all the nerves are destroyed. regardless of your sex.

I didn't know how much my parents' and brother's death would affect me. I counted them as people I could be honest with. They are gone and I miss them more than I knew I would at the time. I thought we were all going through life with similar battles but I was wrong.

Also, fuck you, brother, still mad.

R315, I set a timer for ranting to people not in the room. This covers shitheads - both living and dead. It’s silent, but there are gestures, pacing, and facial expressions.

I would pay to see that, R316

Well, as long as you set a timer, R316, then this doesn't sound at all insane.

Nobody tells you that you have to make it through certain doors on time.

It's not all big life changing stuff, but if you haven't got a driving licence by the time you start full-time work, you might never get the time to do it. If you don't lose that weight by 50 you run a high risk type 2 diabetes etc. If you haven't bought your first home by 40 you'll probably be paying it off with your retirement savings. Don't drift away from your old school/College friends assuming you'll find a new circle. So make sure you've got a good social network (the real one) before 30 because it gets bloody difficult once work and family commitments kick in. Travel while you're young and can cope with lumpy mattresses, late trains and insects, by 45 you'll need to pay premium for comfort.

Maybe it was having nice liberal parents, but I had to work it out the hard way that the clock is always ticking.

That the world you knew can all but disappear. An example - years ago, all the coral reefs looked like colourful screensavers with coral and fish. Now all the coral reefs are bleached and fish are much fewer. There are only a handful of unchanged coral reefs.

Things that were easily affordable now are almost luxuries, eg dining in elegant restaurants.

Lots of people buy homes in their 40s.

W&W for you, R319 — you're putting the Wisdom in W&W

None of what you listed works for most of the world R319. It applies to a very tiny portion of the world population. What you describe is for a very limited privileged few straight white people in Europe and America. The rest of the world has to suffer.

Yes R323. Some people just can't--or will not have the chance--to build a life in the proscribed 'successful' ways no matter what, be that because of class/wealth boundaries, other larger human responsibilities and needs taking a priority, logistical issues, physical or psychological limitations, etc.

Take me. As someone from a rural poor background and with dependents as well as mental health challenges, there's little likelihood of me managing to tick off much on R319's list. Conservative parents both from abusive families, who passed their trauma on to me. Equally Conservative community who do not accept or support homosexuality. Can't get time away from family to 'hustle' for downpayments on anything let alone a house. Never had the money or freedom to go off interrailing the world like the 'Gap Yah' kids. School 'friends' were mostly fair-weather homophobes, and the couple that were didn't want to keep sticking around someone society told them to deem a poor weird bumpkin 'loser', and I had to drop out of College early due to aforementioned family issues as well as depressive breakdowns and a classist faculty who made it clear they didn't want poor trash making their school look bad so helping me stay would be a waste of their time. Been trying to get a driver's license most years since age 16, and after over a decade and many changes of instructor/car/method still can't pass the test because something in my atypical brain struggles with the overload of processing.

Hmm.. some of the things R319 mentions are simple, practical wisdom borne out of experience:

- Get a drivers' licence before you start full time work: Makes perfect sense, especially for those not living in a big city with excellent public transport

- Losing weight before you hit 50 to avoid Diabetes II: Has little to do with poverty or privilege, and all with staying in motion and avoiding lousy food

- Travel while you're young as your older body won't take kind to bad mattresses: All too true, but only if you can afford to travel in the first place

Hemorrhoids, especially when they get thrombosed.

Hi, R270. Could you tell us more?

I would have thought it was self-explanatory. When you have had a number of friendships or romantic relationships and you have found that few relationships last forever, you are less optimistic when a new relationship begins.

R270

That 99% of adults are extremely negative people, for all the above reasons, and they want to share this with you *constantly*. Especially the extroverts.

Like, I'm an adult too, I've been through some shit too, I know it all sucks. Stop fucking opening the newspaper to tell me all about every woe you and the planet have experienced, because it's dragging me down and making it even harder to get through the day.

Trump, no one prepared us for that!

[quote]Stop fucking opening the newspaper to tell me all about every woe you and the planet have experienced, because it's dragging me down and making it even harder to get through the day.

R329 needs to stop hanging out with Debbie Downer.

[quote] but if you haven't got a driving licence by the time you start full-time work, you might never get the time to do it.

I disagree with this one. It shouldn't be that much of a time commitment to get a driver's license.

That said, some people (who did pass the driver's test & get a license) just never become good drivers.

I grew up where people got their license at teenagers. A friend from NYC did get a license but never became that great of a driver.

My feet growing uglier every year after 47.

Ear and nose hair that grows back in minutes.

Getting a pubic hair caught in my underwear. More painful than root canal.

R335, please explain

With men’s underwear, there is the pee hole, the bit of material that overlaps and separates when a man needs to pee. With cheap brands of underwear like Fruit of the Loom, men can sometimes get pubic hair caught in the seams of the fold and when the man moves a certain way, it will pull on the pubic hair.

I didn’t expect driving at night would be so difficult. I thought old people just used that as an excuse to avoid socializing.

Having to deal with the disdainful stares of fellow shoppers who see me in the bladder-control products aisle. So humiliating. If only I were on Medicaid and could order my adult diapers discreetly and have them delivered in unmarked boxes, as seen on all those TV commercials on mesothelioma channels.

Being afraid or concerned about EVERYTHING!

When 9/11 happened I was 20 and it didn’t even occur to me to blame all Muslims. Nowadays, I’m anxious whenever I’m near one because I’m afraid of what they’ll do.

Also, when it came to travel I used to be down to go anywhere and everywhere. Now I religiously look up crime rates, weather, exchange rates and a bunch of other stupid shit.

R338, That is so true. I thought exactly the same thing for decades. I couldn’t fathom people who complained about not wanting to drive at night.

Now, I’m just like them.

I'm in my 30s and already don't want to go out after 7 or 8 p.m. I assume it just gets worse. I've always enjoyed a nice early bird special, too. The funny thing is that I was a big night owl as a kid, but never the bar or club kind of night owl. I'd stay up until 4 in the morning during the summer reading or watching movies or TV or talking to friends, but never a big night life person. I don't think I could stay up that late these days if you paid me.

^ MARY!!!

r342, I'm the same way, but I still do it. I love staying up until 4 am and reading or watching movies. I can't wait to retire so I can change my schedule and stay up late.

I retired a while ago and that's exactly what I do now, R344. I generally go to bed at about 4 a.m., sometimes a bit later.

Am underemployed (on weird part-time flexi-hours), and due to various dumb reasons now have a fucked-up sleep schedule/clock that has me going to bed at 3 in the morning then getting up late. Nothing I planned and not something I want, but it seems to be my new normal for some reason. Any tips on resetting it back? Have tried alarms, leaving lights on, a cold room, drinking water before sleep, everything I can think of.

Stay up for 24h r346. Try not to fall asleep in the afternoon and wait at least till 8PM before going to bed. I usually wake up in the middle of the night around 3 or 4 AM and stay awake till 9PM the next day. I slowly try to get back to a 10/11PM - 6/7AM schedule that way but it's very hard especially when you have no structure and you really don't have to get up early in the morning. It sometimes works for a couple of weeks but I'm not very disciplined and often stay up way too late and my sleep schedule is fucked up again. It's a constant struggle.

I remember spending all summer going to bed somewhere between 2 and 4 a.m. and having to get back on a normal schedule for the school year, so my parents made me stay up for 24 hours one day to get my cycle back on track. That was rough day. You start to think you're hallucinating after awhile and nothing sounds better than a nap.

Try going to sleep earlier by 15 minute increments. It may take a little while to get to your goal, but it should work.

Bits of sock lint collecting beneath my toenails.

Yes, if you can try the incremental time way. It’s how I readjust when I travel.

Each night I go to bed 30 minutes earlier to reacclimate my body to home time. Also I eat very lightly during the reacclimation period and drink warm tea.

So much noise everywhere.

There’s a disorder for that “delayed sleep phased disorder”. I’ve always been a very late retirer. Getting up for work is a constant nightmare.

Reading this makes me realize we are all different - very different struggles. Though I was born and raised poor, my parents were immigrants so I had ambition pounded into me. As a result I sacrificed a lot to be “successful”. I achieved a lot but probably also am less happy than many Americans who were never driven to succeed by poor parents. I feel lucky - despite the hard work I put into it, my financial success is a wonder to me.

Out of control ear hair, nose hair, neck hair and eyebrows.

I never dreamed that heating aids would be in my future ... yet here I am.

Dealing with managers.

The never ending, monotonous grind of work. As a child I used to wonder how adults coped with doing the same thing every single day and spending longer at it than I did at school, which I hated. Now I’m middle aged and it’s still a mystery.

[quote]The never ending, monotonous grind of work. As a child I used to wonder how adults coped with doing the same thing every single day and spending longer at it than I did at school, which I hated. Now I’m middle aged and it’s still a mystery.

Perhaps if you hadn't hated school so much you might have gotten a more interesting job. Some people do have them.

I loved school. And I’ve hated every job I’ve ever had. I’m 53. My adult reality lesson: School and learning have nothing to do with work, financial success and capitalism. What’s required to make lot of money is not the same as being good in school - and is often the polar opposite. I’ll always love learning - I’ll always hate work. But it’s a necessary adult problem.

I guess I was lucky, R360. I always found my work interesting.

Earworms! Songs that get stuck in my head and play for days at a time, sometimes weeks.

R356, did you mean 'heating', 'hearing'...or both?

R359 I did excellently in school. Topped many a class. Why do you assume I didn’t, just because I hated it? It bored the shit out of me. As has every job I’ve ever had.

Not being prepared to take care of your parents. My grandparents only got bad in the last year or two of their lives and were mostly self-sufficient up until that point. They didn't need my parents or aunts/uncles to help drive them to appointments or check them into nursing facilities until well into their 80s. My father passed away in my 20s which left my mother and she's not even 70 yet and already planting seeds that she needs me and my brother around more. I think she's just lonely and trying to be manipulative, because her health isn't that bad. I feel like I haven't had a chance to fully live my life yet and I'm not prepared to have to drop everything whenever she needs something. That should be another 10/20 years from now. It's like she's lost the will to live.

I love her, but every time I stop by her house, I leave so drained and depressed by all her complaining about how she doesn't have money to take trips like her richer friends or that she didn't get any sleep or that she thinks the neighborhood is going down and no longer safe. She manufactures drama and anxieties to give herself something to think about and I usually just nod my head and humor her, but it's becoming increasingly difficult.

[quote]Perhaps if you hadn't hated school so much you might have gotten a more interesting job. Some people do have them.

I loved school and have a masters and a doctorate but have grown weary of my job - it has nothing to do with it being interesting work. It has become a grind. Luckily it is well paid work, and I have been able to take time off. It has been wonderful.

Pretending that it's perfectly normal behavior for a roomful of adults, teenagers and little kids to be craning their necks endlessly scrolling their phones like robots

R365 - stop falling into that trap of behavior NOW. Manipulative widowed mothers are the downfall of too many gay men. I wasted the prime of my life on a similar mother. Father died when I was 23 - and she milked sympathy and destroyed her kids lives for 4 decades with her “woe is me” widowhood BS. Her own need to ah e her kids around trumped any desire for whom to have their own fulfilling lives. Mothers are not all loving, giving self-sacrificial saints. They will destroy your life if it means they don’t have to be lonely. Biggest regret in life is taking care of an elderly mother - from 23 to 63.

Well, R358, the alternative to work is to be homeless, and no matter how boring my job is, it beats living on the streets.

R365 heed R368's words. Live your life.

R369 Why aren't you rich? I thought everyone on DL was rich and complaining about their million dollar retirement funds and houses.

In the early 90s, there was a book written about Gen X. One of the quotes in the book was "Love it or live with the 'rents."

People not asking me if I'm okay.

R360/R364 same! Thought it was just me with that issue. I was always a fairly high-achieving student, and never needed to work that hard for it. And I’ve generally always been able to get by on sweet oblivious obfuscating charm or smarts. But I can’t stand school or working a job. Even extra-curriculars or volunteering make me switch off. I feel like I’ve been bored rigid since I was 6 years old, and I’m 30 now. The most enjoyment I’ve gotten in life is from passive or unproductive activities, like hearing an amazing song or seeing an amazing movie or taking a great hike. Coming to the conclusion that I may just be a boring/bored person, or someone not cut out for the trajectory of modern life.

“Unproductive” is the key word. In reality, all of life’s great pleasures are “unproductive”. The myth that work brings happiness needs to be killed. It’s a capitalist justification. Work is necessary - but it rarely brings pleasure or happiness like a piece of music, art or a simple sunset.

I have a feeling that many of us who are bored shitless with school/work may be high functioning ADHD. I haven’t been diagnosed (am avoiding the psych) but the descriptors seems to fit me to a tee.

Feeling much the same inside as you did when you were young but being confined to a face and body which look quite different and limit your opportunities and behaviour to a great extent.

Benign Positional Vertigo.

Slouching after 60 yrs old. I didn't realize i was doing it. My work wife Jane was the one who told me along with my daughter-in-law (Doctor)& my Tailor Yoga 3 times a week (lots of stretching exercises). Beginners Yoga (all male class).

I shrunk an inch from 6' 3" to 6' 2" inches in height??? No one told me that would happen.

R379 wow, so even doing Yoga etc. you still lost posture?

This terrifies me. My grandmother has a hump, and being female I don't know how I could cope with the same. I try to do a little Yoga/stretching everyday, but not sure it's enough.

What is key to focus on in prime/midlife to help mitigate slouches and humps? What are the best exercise types? Any specific core-work or bodyweight style?