Let's All Go To... The Datalounge Mall!!
In 1995, along with Datalounge the one-stop cyber-shop for bitchery and residual gay porn, the biggest most glittering multi-floor Shopping Mall of the 90s opened in tandem with the bitchery. Meant to service DL's ever-youthful readership, the mall has only accepted tenants who reflect the true Datalounge lifestyle in all its affordability.
My favorite shop is Untruthful Teas. It ONLY sells imitation silver tea sets that you can tell your younger tricks were part of Mother's estate, thereby giving them something to safely steal at evening's end.
What's YOUR favorite place of business?
by Anonymous | reply 163 | February 12, 2023 6:01 PM
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I enjoy shopping at Victoria's Secret Porn Stash.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | June 30, 2022 8:13 PM
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I love Sleaze Candies! Their chocolate cocks with chewy caramel foreskins are delicious! You can get them with or without nuts. Best of all, the cute young shop bottoms are so proud of their wares they are always giving out free samples!
by Anonymous | reply 2 | June 30, 2022 8:19 PM
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The 2 warring Caftan shops. Naturally. The opposing owners standing outside in XL Caftans HISSING at each other all day every day is like music to my ears.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | June 30, 2022 8:22 PM
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Leave it to the Datalounge Mall to have a shop that exclusively sells athletic supporters! They have hundreds of varieties, and the models let you feel the fabric and check the fit of the straps. Unfortunately, despite the large group changing-room, there's always a long line...
by Anonymous | reply 4 | June 30, 2022 8:26 PM
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"Slappy's" for the best facials and skincare products under the sun.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | June 30, 2022 8:31 PM
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Where else can you go these days for designer dialing pencils?
by Anonymous | reply 6 | June 30, 2022 8:39 PM
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Sally Struther's Garden Shop, where we only serve the finest dirt.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | June 30, 2022 8:42 PM
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You have to check out the "Straight Guys Who Really Dig the Homosex" Shop on the 2nd floor in the Macy's wing. A varied assortment of alcoholics and drug addicts will convince unwitting gay male shoppers they're 100% straight, but for the right price, will engage in all manner of sexual freaky-deaky-ness.
Not for the faint-hearted or anyone with an IQ over 75.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | June 30, 2022 8:47 PM
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Abortion Hut - we had a whole thread on it.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 10 | June 30, 2022 8:53 PM
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Hot Dog on a Stick. *wink* You get a wang in a bun and yes, we wear short shorts with trap doors!
by Anonymous | reply 11 | June 30, 2022 8:53 PM
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The only food court where every item comes covered in a tangy cream sauce.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | June 30, 2022 8:55 PM
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I love going to ‘Smelling Cookies’. It’s fun to sit in the food court and watch all the closet cases sniffing the delicious smell of freshly baked cookies as they skulk by, heading for the Gents toilet cubicle with the glory hole.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | June 30, 2022 8:56 PM
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What are you talking about, R13? At the Datalounge Mall ALL the cubicles have glory holes -Even the changing rooms!
by Anonymous | reply 14 | June 30, 2022 9:05 PM
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It’s so delightful that every customer is addressed as “ma’am.”
by Anonymous | reply 15 | June 30, 2022 9:14 PM
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The Father's Day sales were amazing. It seems half the town was there looking for something for daddy.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | June 30, 2022 10:23 PM
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The lines are so long at the Cinnabon.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | June 30, 2022 10:37 PM
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I am the Chess King, and I haven't changed a day since 1987!
by Anonymous | reply 18 | June 30, 2022 10:40 PM
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Ada's Boots-The perfect shoe for cunt kicking.
Right next door is Felicia's Feathers, the specialty store for Joanne Worley wannabees.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | June 30, 2022 10:41 PM
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The Tea House has the most beautiful ladyboy geishas. If you can afford it, the full sake and tea service is a superb evening.
by Anonymous | reply 20 | June 30, 2022 10:54 PM
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This thread is exactly like the one in Datalounge Guatemala about moving to the US! How uncanny!
by Anonymous | reply 21 | June 30, 2022 10:59 PM
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I'm the head of mall security. We are prepared to degrade you and your puny cocklet and piss on you through our hard-ons.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | June 30, 2022 11:36 PM
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We're assuming that you're built like a shit brickhouse on steroids, with enormous pecs and fabulous delts, R22.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | June 30, 2022 11:39 PM
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I just need to stop in at Popperama.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | June 30, 2022 11:43 PM
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The interview for the valet parking attendants is very rigorous, and includes a bathing suit competition. But it's worth it, as attendants have their own lounge with privacy cubicles for when they have a client who needs a quick lie-down or back rub. These guys really earn their tips!
by Anonymous | reply 25 | June 30, 2022 11:48 PM
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I was just asked by an Abercrombie employee if I’d like to work there. I blushed and laughed. I politely declined and said I already had a job. I told him I was 58, he was like “damn, I thought you were home from school”. Nah. Thank you, though.
by Anonymous | reply 26 | June 30, 2022 11:50 PM
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The grand opening of “The Bottom Half” caused a lot of confusion.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | June 30, 2022 11:52 PM
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"Where's the god damned adult diaper aisle?" is often heard shouted in DataLoungeMart.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | June 30, 2022 11:55 PM
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I like "Gay Best Friend" where straight women can rent a randy gay sidekick for $275. an hour who will shower them with witticisms like "you're fat and boring. No wonder no one wants to date you" and the ever popular "tell it to someone who cares. :
by Anonymous | reply 29 | June 30, 2022 11:56 PM
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Be sure to stop in and say hi to Ernestine, the receptionist in the main office. I hear she has a ton of gossip on Ginny in billing.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 30 | June 30, 2022 11:56 PM
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We love sexually harassing all the twinks who work at Let's Roll Cinnamon Rolls
by Anonymous | reply 31 | June 30, 2022 11:57 PM
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Hoops? Chandeliers or Shoulder Dusters? The debate rages on at Zale’s.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | June 30, 2022 11:59 PM
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Don't harass the employees at the Chinese takeout. They've heard "How do you like these egg rolls, Mr. Goldstone?" about 40,000 times.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | June 30, 2022 11:59 PM
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Scott was impressed the way Michael could squeeze into a size 20 Husky Toughskin Jean. It really rolled back the years.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | July 1, 2022 12:04 AM
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Velcro Haven…really doesn’t need an explanation, does it?
by Anonymous | reply 35 | July 1, 2022 12:12 AM
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The Comfort Zone, for all things soothing and comforting, so important for delicate Eldergays
by Anonymous | reply 36 | July 1, 2022 12:18 AM
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Does JC Penney sell fur coats, cigarette holders, and turbans?
by Anonymous | reply 37 | July 1, 2022 12:25 AM
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"The Emotional Pet Stop" (a/k/a Miss Peanut's) One-stop shopping for needy pets and their even needier human companions.
"Pours for Poors" - Don't miss our popular PBR, Night Train and Thunderbird Happy Hour, (4pm 'til we sell out daily).
by Anonymous | reply 38 | July 1, 2022 12:48 AM
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Yelp reviews are not very good due to the number of angered bridal shower guests who felt they were not welcomed like the queens and princesses they believed themselves to be. Management of the mall indicates that they don't give a shit.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | July 1, 2022 12:54 AM
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Get gay-married while you still can at the Joyce Bulifant Wedding Chapel! It's on the south end, next to Lesbian Bed Death, Bathhouse and Beyoncé.
by Anonymous | reply 40 | July 1, 2022 1:08 AM
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I'm the only food court on the planet that has a Dollar Store that only sells DS Pound Cakes! And there's always a group of caftan wearers clutching crumpled $1 bills lined up around the block waiting to get in.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | July 1, 2022 1:17 AM
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Please stop at the kiosk [bold]snâkpürs[/bold], for ladies' shoulder accessories with more pockets than you can even imagine.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | July 1, 2022 2:57 AM
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My least favorite shop in the Mall is run by the Klan Grannies. They offer KKK uniforms and pitchforks reduced to $20 each.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | July 1, 2022 3:01 AM
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There's a shop where you can adopt a rescue dog or cat and the line is always round the block.
by Anonymous | reply 45 | July 1, 2022 3:02 AM
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Stop for a snack at Shitty Little Auntie Anne's Pretzels.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | July 1, 2022 3:09 AM
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I am hanging out at the Fat Whores Food Court, cant find a seat, it's pretty busy. Maybe I will just have a corn dog on a stick.
by Anonymous | reply 47 | July 1, 2022 3:12 AM
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I just walked boy Things Remembered, it' full of elder gays.
by Anonymous | reply 48 | July 1, 2022 3:13 AM
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Meet you at Build-a-Bearly-Legal!
by Anonymous | reply 49 | July 1, 2022 3:16 AM
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Went to Cracker Barrel. Had to fight off a whole mob of fat Fraus hogging the sausage weenies.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | July 1, 2022 3:17 AM
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Take a stroll through Prisstoration Hardware, if only to hiss, "They call THAT Mid-Century?"
by Anonymous | reply 51 | July 1, 2022 3:19 AM
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Shitty Little Auntie Anne’s has the best lemonade.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | July 1, 2022 3:32 AM
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Grammar police slinking around murmuring oh dear oh dear oh dear. The murmurs go nicely with the two XL caftan queens hissing at each other.
Some might even call it symphonic.
by Anonymous | reply 53 | July 1, 2022 3:34 AM
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Is Caftans R Us on the upper or lower level?
by Anonymous | reply 54 | July 1, 2022 3:35 AM
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Headed over to the world largest tech store to get my first wireless phone. It's called Radio Shack.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | July 1, 2022 3:49 AM
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Greg is drawing quiet a crowd demonstrating the latest mandoline slicer at the Williams Sonoma.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | July 1, 2022 3:49 AM
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Upper level r54. Mall skylights are necessary to give the caftans proper consideration. The brilliant colors of our caftans don’t pop in artificial light. We often encourage our eldergays to try them on and take a brief spin out of the store under the skylights. The GASPS are plentiful when you see our caftans under the sunlight. But if you dare walk off in one of them without paying, we will tase you. And we won’t regret it.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | July 1, 2022 3:50 AM
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R53 The hissing was made all the funnier of the two men in caftans because they were in the same design and looked like the two old women at the Ascot Gavotte in the sane gowns eyeing each other with monocles.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | July 1, 2022 3:54 AM
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It's odd, but the mall has two record shops -one sells nothing by Madonna, while the other sells nothing but Madonna.
by Anonymous | reply 59 | July 1, 2022 3:56 AM
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r10, The Datalounge Mall Abortion Hut was actually a big flop, becoming the first shop to close. Men Who Can Get Pregnant were the only customers and they didn't feel welcome there.
by Anonymous | reply 60 | July 1, 2022 4:52 AM
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I just hope that THIS Christmas we won't have a repeat of last year's riot! A friend who was there said it started with two shop bottoms arguing over the in-store decorations, and rapidly spread throughout the entire building. Three fatalities and numerous others hospitalized with severe injuries. I think they should just stick to having a muscle-bear Santa with some hot twink elves and call it good.
by Anonymous | reply 61 | July 1, 2022 5:09 AM
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Suzanne Somers signing autographed copies of her book "I Have Sex with Alan Three Times A Day AND Cured Cancer" on the Datalounge Mall Mezzanine!
by Anonymous | reply 62 | July 1, 2022 5:45 AM
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When you go to a store that is specifically marketed to your age for upwardly mobile professional males except all the things they see are cheap Chinese crap rebranded with a new logo at 3 times the price you could get it at Walmart. It's called Sharper Image.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | July 1, 2022 6:01 AM
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When you want your pasta drained head over to Kitchy Kitchy Bang Bang, right by the Abortion Hut. Well where it used to be.
by Anonymous | reply 64 | July 1, 2022 6:59 AM
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The mall has two anchor stores on each end, a Macy's and Bullocks. No woman work on the floor dealing with the public, it's all male fem shop bottoms. Lesbians work the stock room and loading dock.
by Anonymous | reply 65 | July 1, 2022 7:42 AM
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I am Victoria - I am the sole proprietor of the Victor / Victoria shop. For the Datalounge community as “VICTOR” my stories, my endless knowledge of Trivia, obscure song lyrics, tv theme songs, movies, Broadway, Summer Theatre Venues of the 60s and 70s, Cooking skills, Patty Duke’s Bi polar issues and the paternity mysteries of her son, sense of friendship and camaraderie keep my shop/cafe full from opening till close. Once I close I peel off my mustache and take off my fedora and let my hair down. When I am Victoria no one will stop in my shop. - I am shunned and told to go back to Curves or the Mug Cradling Shop. Then I get lonely and wander over to Williams Sonomas and pilfer samples from Greg. He takes the “Frau” sign off of my back. Gary Morton stuck it there. He told Lucy not to.
by Anonymous | reply 66 | July 1, 2022 8:25 AM
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Macy's is selling the new Janet Jackson plus-size athletic wear. The few customers with any interest in making a purchase can't get through the enormous crowd of queens making bitchy remarks about the display.
by Anonymous | reply 68 | July 1, 2022 9:51 AM
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There's a new place in the food court called Proons 'n Cod. I don't know what it is but I might try it later.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | July 1, 2022 1:29 PM
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I hear they're adding a third anchor — Blood Bath & Beyond. It has everything arguable for the home, yet still smells the same year after year.
by Anonymous | reply 70 | July 1, 2022 2:42 PM
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The Hillshire Farms store is having a special on Red Dragon Cheese! Must dash!
by Anonymous | reply 71 | July 1, 2022 3:52 PM
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I just go for the antique mall although it can get pretty hairy with Martha Stewart trying to nickel and dime the stall owners for bargains. Snoop carries her packages.
by Anonymous | reply 72 | July 1, 2022 5:23 PM
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Just in: What (in)famous Hollywood director spends Saturday afternoons at the kiddie railroad ride?
by Anonymous | reply 73 | July 1, 2022 5:26 PM
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Golden Grills has everything you need to entertain your gentleman callers with a BBQ dinner! No messy charcoal -- we sell only gas grills right-sized for your lanai.
by Anonymous | reply 74 | July 1, 2022 5:29 PM
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I thought they had changed their name to Golden Girls to attract more business?
by Anonymous | reply 75 | July 1, 2022 5:31 PM
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Have you tried the Vicious Face Slap kiosk? By the south exit so you can leave in a huff.
by Anonymous | reply 76 | July 1, 2022 5:31 PM
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I'm Ye Olde VHS Rental Shoppe, where you can find all your favorite one season sitcoms that aired from 1977-1983.
by Anonymous | reply 77 | July 1, 2022 5:33 PM
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I'm the Bonnie Franklin Wig Emporium! We're here to meet all of your ginger bob style wig needs!
by Anonymous | reply 78 | July 1, 2022 6:48 PM
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I'm Orange Julian, an Orange Julius franchise owned by Julian Morris and Landon Ross
by Anonymous | reply 79 | July 1, 2022 7:52 PM
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Isn’t this the mall where our infamous friends run a little bistro with a Salad Bar? I have been reading about it for years - “All You Can Eat” = “Autumn Harvest” - the lower priced option is “Once Around the Garden.” Are those young men still in business?
by Anonymous | reply 80 | July 1, 2022 7:54 PM
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The glory holes are on the third floor men's room in Bloomingdale's.
by Anonymous | reply 81 | July 1, 2022 7:54 PM
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Yes, thankfully! I probably shouldn't say this, R80, but you can pay for "Once Around the Garden" and actually go back for the "Autumn Harvest." No one will know!
by Anonymous | reply 82 | July 1, 2022 8:17 PM
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Try it and I’ll give you such a pinch!
by Anonymous | reply 83 | July 1, 2022 8:24 PM
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Be sure to stop by the "Move It Along, Toots" umbrella store before the next cloudburst.
by Anonymous | reply 84 | July 1, 2022 8:26 PM
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It has an underground basement. That's were all the Trolls uh, I mean tech guys work. We dont know much about them, they stay in for days at a time, the delivery guy from McDonalds says it's dark and smelly, there are not spring chickens in there.
by Anonymous | reply 85 | July 1, 2022 8:29 PM
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Is "Pooh Shoes" still in business or did they lose that lawsuit with Disney? Such an... interesting woman who runs that place.
by Anonymous | reply 86 | July 1, 2022 8:32 PM
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The mall's cineplex has sixteen screens, all showing vintage 80s and 90s porn. The ushers are strict, and will not allow you to leave any messes on the seats or floors.
by Anonymous | reply 87 | July 1, 2022 8:32 PM
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Does the food court have an Olive Garden?
by Anonymous | reply 88 | July 1, 2022 8:41 PM
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Pooh Shoes merged with Shit Bras. The new name is Poo!
by Anonymous | reply 89 | July 1, 2022 9:15 PM
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Pooh Shoes has been absorbed in a corporate takeover by Shitty Little Anne.
by Anonymous | reply 90 | July 1, 2022 11:37 PM
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It's a shame that Burt died, but I'm glad his widow Letitia was able to take over his thriving business.
But I wish she hadn't changed the name to "Let's Bees."
by Anonymous | reply 91 | July 1, 2022 11:57 PM
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I heard there was a branch of The Body Shop at the mall -but boy, was I surprised when I went there!
by Anonymous | reply 92 | July 2, 2022 12:06 AM
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Does Macy's sell celebrity fragrances like Still by Christopher Reeve and White Woman by Michael Jackson?
by Anonymous | reply 94 | July 2, 2022 12:53 AM
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On Saturday mornings, in the upstairs posh Bullock’s Tea Room, Mrs. P Ramsey will be coaching and grooming our littlest Angels for this year’s round of “Toddlers and Tiaras” competition. Richard Simmons with coach our little ladies on diet and exercise. Tim Gunn will supervise elocution and table manners. …. The Estate of Don Loper will be taking measurements for crinolines and pastel dance dresses……...In the afternoon (for an additional fee) the young gentleman will join the young ladies for cotillion hosted by - directly from The Lawrence Welk Show - Bobby Burgess and LOF-Ly, Lof-ly CISSY KING!!
by Anonymous | reply 95 | July 2, 2022 1:45 AM
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I've just seen Erna coming out of the toilets. I'd give it a minute.
by Anonymous | reply 96 | July 2, 2022 2:44 AM
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That's why she was asking for silverware over in the food court R96...
by Anonymous | reply 97 | July 2, 2022 2:58 AM
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I'm "Well Smell Her!" home of the world's most overpowering and cloying scents for men!
Choose from Aramis, Polo for Men, Paco Rabanne and Drakkar Noir among many other popular brands.
by Anonymous | reply 98 | July 2, 2022 3:00 AM
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The men's rooms are insane!
by Anonymous | reply 99 | July 2, 2022 3:09 AM
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I'm Forever 61, your one-stop shop for eldergay fast-fashion.
by Anonymous | reply 100 | July 2, 2022 3:19 AM
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I'm Wayne Bryant, for the ... well ... Datalounger of size.
by Anonymous | reply 101 | July 2, 2022 3:23 AM
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I'm Claire's.....but I sell bread pudding, not earrings
by Anonymous | reply 102 | July 2, 2022 3:24 AM
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I'm "Hiss and Hearse" an early New Age shop designed to get Eldergays to "Chill The Fuck Out"
by Anonymous | reply 103 | July 2, 2022 3:50 AM
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I love Helen Lawson's gently used Couture Collection except for the DNA stains on certain frocks. I asked Helen about discounting a dress that was stained and she yelled, "Hell, no. That was my elevator ride with Clark Gable."
by Anonymous | reply 104 | July 2, 2022 4:15 AM
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The multi-plex has Woody Allen’s “Scenes From a Mall” on a loop. Discussing infidelities while picking out gifts is a favored DL pastime, it’s just that Bette does it better.
by Anonymous | reply 105 | July 2, 2022 2:05 PM
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I am the very rich mirror vendor - I make an Absolute Killing supplying mirrors for the “OH God! Do these pants make me look FAT?” Store. …. It is located next to the defunct “Tova Borgnine Fragrance and Wig Imporium.”
by Anonymous | reply 106 | July 2, 2022 3:48 PM
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Beware of the annoying clipboard-toting, petition-pushing pollsters meandering through the mall.
Asking you to answer a few brief questions, these trolls claim to be gathering signatures in support of reopening the cold case of missing vacationer Denny and his roller luggage. Actually, they are selling your information to ... I dare not say.
by Anonymous | reply 107 | July 2, 2022 4:45 PM
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There's always a line at the small "Guess My Age" kiosk on the mezzanine. You step into a booth and an AI takes an image and guesses your age based on what you look like. You get a printout you can keep.
The AI isn't very good, though. It consistently says that people who are 69 look like 39. 55-year-olds are said to look 29. For some reason, though, the Eldergays flock to the little booth and leave happily clutching their printouts.
by Anonymous | reply 108 | July 2, 2022 5:22 PM
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Has anyone been to Gym Jordan's sporting goods store? All they sell is jock straps and wrestling singlets
by Anonymous | reply 109 | July 2, 2022 6:27 PM
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Watch out everyone. There’s a gaggle of eldergay mall walkers in the south wing and they do not make way for anyone. They mercilessly trampled a pod of twinks outside the movie theater.
by Anonymous | reply 110 | July 2, 2022 7:02 PM
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They trampled them?? OMG! I thought it was an intergenerational orgy put on to advertise the new lube shop!
by Anonymous | reply 111 | July 2, 2022 8:24 PM
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Be sure to pop in for a tipple at the only gay bar inside the DL Mall: Kings & Queens. It's owned by Hazel, a sixty year-old Disco-Era, African-American lesbian. . Hazel whips up some of the best rum cocktails, incorporating the mall's own Orange Julian as a base.
Discotheque vibe, dance floor, Beer Garden with hoops. Eldergays may apply for club discounts. Come one, come all.
by Anonymous | reply 112 | July 2, 2022 8:25 PM
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R112: I wonder if she is the same Hazel who used to shoot pool with us at Julian's?
by Anonymous | reply 113 | July 2, 2022 9:03 PM
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I'm the Sebastian Venable Travel Agency!
The go-to travel agency if you're famished for blondes!
by Anonymous | reply 114 | July 2, 2022 9:06 PM
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One question remains. Where do I buy a brand new shit bra to match my new caftan and pearls?
by Anonymous | reply 116 | July 4, 2022 8:37 PM
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R116: Why, at "Jasmine Guy's Tiny Lawn" indoor yard sale, silly.
by Anonymous | reply 117 | July 4, 2022 8:47 PM
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It's too bad the sushi place went out of business, but well. Only a tiny minority of dataloungers like the tuna.
by Anonymous | reply 118 | July 4, 2022 8:49 PM
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Tell me, why doesn't the Abercrombie have a Big & Tall section?
Ever since my next-door neighbor's son Joel started working as a greeter there I want to help him out, but without anything all I can do there is spend time, uh, being supportive...
by Anonymous | reply 119 | July 4, 2022 8:59 PM
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[quote]The Datalounge Mall Abortion Hut was actually a big flop, becoming the first shop to close. Men Who Can Get Pregnant were the only customers and they didn't feel welcome there.
For a while, the Asian lady boys used to try to make each other jealous by going to Abortion Hut and pretending they had gotten knocked-up by their boyfriends...
by Anonymous | reply 120 | July 4, 2022 9:31 PM
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Afternoons at the Tea House while the Abortion Hut was still open:
Where Aranya? Her shift start 20 minutes ago?
She call out sick - she at Abortion Hut - her big American boyfriend got her pregnant again!
That's the 3rd time this month!
by Anonymous | reply 121 | July 4, 2022 9:39 PM
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I'm Berry, Security Officer at Rainbow Drug. Nothing escapes my eagle eye.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 122 | July 4, 2022 9:45 PM
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I'm MoJo Fraufrock, Manager at D'Zining Womyn. We do haircuts (sorry, mullets and shags only) and sell clothes: bermuda shorts, Birkenstocks, polo shirts, tie-dye and flannel.
by Anonymous | reply 123 | July 4, 2022 9:54 PM
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^ Do you have any Michfest T-shirts in a 6XL - my cat had a little of kittens on my last good one!
by Anonymous | reply 124 | July 4, 2022 10:05 PM
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I'm Chuckie. I mop-up bodily fluids at Beds, Baths & Bondage. I'm not a gay, but the owners Adam & Steve were nice enough to hire me on for- get this- $9.70/hr. I'm blessed!
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 125 | July 4, 2022 10:49 PM
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The Cradled Mug is now open! Purchase a pumpkin spice latte and get a free scone! 5% of all profits this weekend go to the National Fibromyalgia Association.
by Anonymous | reply 126 | July 4, 2022 11:12 PM
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^the preceding post is a unauthorized and obviously a lie.
by Anonymous | reply 127 | July 4, 2022 11:16 PM
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In the entertainment arcade, there's a line of karens shackled to the wall. You can throw wet sponges at them, while they demand to see the manager.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 128 | July 5, 2022 1:55 PM
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That's it! I'm coming to the mall now, R128!!!
Is it racist of me to ask if I can hire people of color to throw the wet sponges while I watch?
by Anonymous | reply 129 | July 5, 2022 6:14 PM
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[quote]^the preceding post is a unauthorized and obviously a lie.—DL Mall Management
We, the sufferers, are staging a silent protest outside of the Mall Offices.
You will know us by our silent angry stares over the rims of our cradled mugs.
by Anonymous | reply 130 | July 5, 2022 6:34 PM
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Much to the dismay of many Dataloungers, Bed Bath & Beyoncé is still in business. This is surprising, considering there’s a clear lack of any skilled or talented employees, and only cheap, tacky goods are on display.
by Anonymous | reply 131 | July 5, 2022 7:34 PM
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Do we get to shriek, "Die, Karen, die!" as we throw the sponges? I feel that would be important.
by Anonymous | reply 132 | July 5, 2022 7:43 PM
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You may shriek whatever you please.
by Anonymous | reply 133 | July 5, 2022 7:51 PM
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You can hire whoever you like, R129. The Datalounge mall may be a vile pit of trollery, but we're inclusive to all non-Karens.
by Anonymous | reply 134 | July 5, 2022 11:20 PM
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A rumor is going around that Joel, the beloved greeter at Abercrombie, has gotten in touch with a lawyer to sue the mall for not doing more to prevent being harassed by large groups of caftan-clad mall visitors congregating outside the store. As Executive Manager of Datalounge Mall, I would like it to be known that these rumors are false and that Joel will not be quitting his job. We've also learned that the Abercrombie's manager is responsible for this rumor, meant to drive these thirsty men from unblocking the entrance.
We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.
by Anonymous | reply 135 | July 6, 2022 12:22 AM
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Janet Jackson is opening a Lingerie store that's sure to be eye-popping!
by Anonymous | reply 136 | July 29, 2022 12:59 PM
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R135, is that Joel as in "Don't tell my neighbor I'm working here" Joel?
by Anonymous | reply 137 | July 29, 2022 1:03 PM
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r137 Yes! Joel came very highly recommended by his neighbor, who was very much a mentor to the boy in his formative years. EVERY store in the mall wants him as a greeter!
by Anonymous | reply 138 | July 29, 2022 1:08 PM
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Someone needs to update the map at the entrance. It's missing 4 out of the 10 vintage lamp shops.
by Anonymous | reply 139 | July 29, 2022 1:25 PM
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Im the Burger Inn restaurant in the south corner of the DL mall. We play Dynasty reruns on the tvs around the bar. We also offer “Fallon Fries" with every burger plate
by Anonymous | reply 140 | July 29, 2022 1:25 PM
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Mall regulars are anxiously awaiting the announcement of what this year's Halloween costume contest will be. After exhausting such themes as "Come as your favorite Golden Girl!", "Design your own Sugarbaker girl!", and of course the legendary "Be Fran! Be Fine!", they went overboard with a Miss Havisham lookalike contest. It escalated into near disaster when someone showed up in perfect Martita Hunt drag then lit themselves on fire. No repeats of that near tragedy this year.
by Anonymous | reply 141 | July 29, 2022 2:06 PM
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I'm afraid the Absolutely Fabulous-themed Sporting Goods store was one of the earliest to close.
Some stores just aren't a good fit for some motifs.
by Anonymous | reply 142 | July 29, 2022 2:43 PM
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Jasmine Guy's new boutique, Don't You Forget About Me. Her shop is filled with amazing decor items for the gay men with discriminating taste.
by Anonymous | reply 143 | July 29, 2022 2:47 PM
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Patsy & Adina's Duty-Free Liquor Emporium. A must for DL's alcoholic contingent.
Friday Drinkie-Poos anyone?
by Anonymous | reply 144 | July 29, 2022 2:49 PM
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What level is the Blow Job hair salon on? I need my bob touched up. I also need my hair looked at.
by Anonymous | reply 145 | July 29, 2022 2:55 PM
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[quote]I'm Berry, Security Officer at Rainbow Drug. Nothing escapes my eagle eye.
Betty will sending all shoplifters she's caught, to The Limited Vocabulary workshop on the 5th floor. It's a wonderful place, where these illiterate shoplifters can learn the basic aspects of decorum and English, then, it's on to another workshop where these thieves will be trained to find some sort of job. "Jobs or Jail!"is their motto.
The workshop is already overbooked, but it can accept a few more non-paying Walgreens 'customers'. Thanks Betty!!
by Anonymous | reply 146 | July 29, 2022 3:31 PM
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R76–Does the Vicious Face Slap kiosk offer Punch and Delete service?
by Anonymous | reply 147 | July 29, 2022 3:36 PM
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We've just installed a new map at the entrance. By request we've clearly marked where ALL the Men's rooms are, for easier access.
by Anonymous | reply 148 | July 30, 2022 8:26 PM
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Get your fresh nuts at Glory Whole Foods, now open on Level 1.
by Anonymous | reply 149 | July 30, 2022 11:32 PM
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I'm the diorama where you can leave senile eldergay friends/relatives while you're shopping. Displays include "Mineshaft '81" and "Central Park by Night".
by Anonymous | reply 150 | August 1, 2022 1:28 PM
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I’m the Sbarro eatery. For fat whores only.
by Anonymous | reply 151 | August 1, 2022 1:37 PM
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I'm assuming the mall is the location of the six-story flagship Datalounge Gift Shop.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 152 | August 1, 2022 5:26 PM
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Wrong, r152. That’s in a alternate dimension.
by Anonymous | reply 153 | August 1, 2022 7:38 PM
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OP i misread as Datalounge mail not mall and i got an excited! I'm fed up with Gmail 🙂😡
by Anonymous | reply 155 | February 12, 2023 4:56 PM
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I am the DL Movie Theater, which does not show movies past the year 1947. Also, for your viewing pleasure during the daytime hours, we show endless reruns of The Golden Girls. Our name is "The Second Cumming". We are at a convenient location, just past the hissing caftan sellers. Don't worry. They don't bite...hard.
by Anonymous | reply 156 | February 12, 2023 5:00 PM
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Wholes .... the store that sells all items for complete hole maintenance. Anal douches, bleaches, razors that won't cut your hole, etc.
by Anonymous | reply 157 | February 12, 2023 5:04 PM
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[quote]The lines are so long at the Cinnabon.
I will CUT that bitch!
by Anonymous | reply 158 | February 12, 2023 5:09 PM
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[quote]Not for the faint-hearted or anyone with an IQ over 75.
So ... Republicans only then?
by Anonymous | reply 159 | February 12, 2023 5:09 PM
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I'm Helen Handbasket. Owned and managed by former Broadway Legend Helen Lawson. Every high-quality item (comparable to Longaberger) in the shop is delicately woven by Asian children in the mall basement. Customers are gifted with a large size Helenesque Parfum with every purchase.
by Anonymous | reply 160 | February 12, 2023 5:16 PM
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I'm Tiffany, signing autographs for five bucks a pop or a carton of Pall Malls right next to the Sbarro in the food court.
by Anonymous | reply 161 | February 12, 2023 5:19 PM
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#156, you can start your own version of Datalounge: FluidNonbinaryQueerLounge.com, and talk about child prodigy/master thespian Harry Styles all day long.
by Anonymous | reply 162 | February 12, 2023 5:24 PM
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The Grease Shack is having a Valentine's Day sale! Every item is 30% off until Friday!
Please note: Due to unfortunate product demonstration incidents we have moved to an out parcel at the South entrance. This was by order of the Fire Marshall.
by Anonymous | reply 163 | February 12, 2023 6:01 PM
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