I just used 2/3 of a roll paper and it is still not clean. Any advice ?
Hard to wipe clean
by Anonymous | reply 145 | June 6, 2022 2:04 AM |
Of course. Kill yourself.
Shitty thread, btw
by Anonymous | reply 1 | May 21, 2022 6:59 PM |
Aaron, you should know by now that DL isn't going to assist you with your brown coin slot.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | May 21, 2022 7:00 PM |
get a fucking bidet
by Anonymous | reply 3 | May 21, 2022 7:01 PM |
OP, you think you have it bad?
by Anonymous | reply 4 | May 21, 2022 7:01 PM |
Pull the sharpie out of your ass?
by Anonymous | reply 5 | May 21, 2022 7:01 PM |
OP, you're not suppose to start wiping until you're done dropping the kids off at the pool.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | May 21, 2022 7:06 PM |
Get a bidet attachment for your toilet seat.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | May 21, 2022 7:08 PM |
Wet wipes.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | May 21, 2022 7:08 PM |
Therapy for your scat obsession.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | May 21, 2022 7:14 PM |
Stick your ass out of the sun roof and go through the car wash.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | May 21, 2022 7:17 PM |
Trim the hairs around your asshole.
Buy a Squatty Potty
Take fiber gummies (at least five per day) with at least two liters of water per day
by Anonymous | reply 11 | May 21, 2022 7:20 PM |
A loofah sponge and a bucket of warm sudsy water.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | May 21, 2022 7:31 PM |
Do you have a dog?
by Anonymous | reply 13 | May 21, 2022 7:42 PM |
Metamucil
by Anonymous | reply 14 | May 21, 2022 7:46 PM |
What R14 said. Fiber! They’ll be lining up to eat your meticulously clean hole. Well, maybe. Don’t want to overpromise.
by Anonymous | reply 15 | May 21, 2022 7:50 PM |
r13 lmaoooo
by Anonymous | reply 16 | May 21, 2022 7:52 PM |
Eat some fruit or a vegetable once in a while, you FAT WHORE!
by Anonymous | reply 18 | May 21, 2022 7:54 PM |
Douche,, but sparingly though. You don’t want to kill all the natural bacteria either.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | May 21, 2022 7:56 PM |
Get a shower head with a handheld part, and put the powerwasher-blast setting on. Rinse it all down the drain.
by Anonymous | reply 20 | May 21, 2022 7:59 PM |
[quote]Rinse it all down the drain.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
by Anonymous | reply 21 | May 21, 2022 8:00 PM |
You think you have problems...
by Anonymous | reply 22 | May 21, 2022 8:03 PM |
Do you have a lighter?
by Anonymous | reply 23 | May 21, 2022 8:07 PM |
Don't use - or overuse, if you must - wet wipes. They end up irritating the asshole something fierce. I've been there. And, after a certain age, some things don't heal the way they used to. You've been warned.
A doctor friend recommended [bold]Balneol.[/bold] Easy to get in your local pharmacy or from Amazon. Excellent. Cleans [italic]and[/italic] moisturizes!
You'll thank me.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | May 21, 2022 8:23 PM |
Diet diet diet
by Anonymous | reply 25 | May 21, 2022 8:34 PM |
Just remember... a healthy hole is a happy hole!
by Anonymous | reply 26 | May 22, 2022 12:06 AM |
Why do so many gays have trouble with hole maintenance?
by Anonymous | reply 27 | May 22, 2022 12:39 AM |
It sounds like you make big doo doos!
by Anonymous | reply 28 | May 22, 2022 12:46 AM |
A good 15 minute sitz bath does the trick.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | May 22, 2022 12:49 AM |
OP, does your rear itch a lot?
by Anonymous | reply 30 | May 22, 2022 12:52 AM |
You eat too much. That's why all the poo is up there.
by Anonymous | reply 31 | May 22, 2022 12:54 AM |
I wonder if OP suffers from chronic constipation and/or hemorrhoids.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | May 22, 2022 12:57 AM |
Yes, eat more fiber and eat fewer processed food that are high in fat and sodium.
Drink more water.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | May 22, 2022 1:16 AM |
Pressure washer.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | May 22, 2022 1:17 AM |
I can't imagine using almost a whole roll of toilet paper in one sitting
by Anonymous | reply 36 | May 22, 2022 1:19 AM |
Fiber* is a hole's best friend!
*whole grain fiber is better at cleaning you out than vegetable fiber.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | May 22, 2022 1:24 AM |
r37 I thought a hard cock was a horny hole's best friend
by Anonymous | reply 38 | May 22, 2022 1:28 AM |
R38: Maybe hard cock is a hole's random acquaintance? Just one out of hundreds.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | May 22, 2022 1:34 AM |
Erna?
by Anonymous | reply 40 | May 22, 2022 1:36 AM |
Is there a fluffy kitten nearby?
by Anonymous | reply 41 | May 22, 2022 1:49 AM |
OP, please don't present hole until this situation is... um... rectified.
by Anonymous | reply 42 | May 22, 2022 2:10 AM |
Take a big wad of TP and dampen it. Add a little soap, then blot your crack thoroughly. Dampen another wad and blot to rinse. Use dry TP to remove any lingering debris and dampness.
You'll feel fresh as a daisy down there.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | May 22, 2022 2:19 AM |
I have this problem whenever I eat chocolate and not enough fiber. I wipe, and I wipe and I wipe. Then I wipe some more and some more. Then again more and more and more and more. It takes me forever to get clean so I try to avoid this situation.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | May 22, 2022 2:22 AM |
Another vote for Metamucil. Take a big serving - 2 tablespoons in 12 oz of water twice a day. It will change your life. Besides making you regular and everything easy to pass it also encapsulates the grease ad makes wiping up a very minimal process.
by Anonymous | reply 45 | May 22, 2022 2:28 AM |
I hope you light a match after poo pee doos.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | May 22, 2022 5:00 AM |
Water Water Water
by Anonymous | reply 47 | May 22, 2022 5:01 AM |
Cockgobbler is the you?
by Anonymous | reply 49 | May 22, 2022 5:09 AM |
Yes. Wash. Loose weight, fatty.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | May 22, 2022 5:34 AM |
*lose
by Anonymous | reply 51 | May 22, 2022 5:34 AM |
I live alone so don't use toilet paper. I use my hand, then wash with hot or warm water and soap at the adjacent sink.
Yes, gross, but I usually feel rather clean that way.
I am American, in case you are wondering.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | May 22, 2022 7:14 AM |
Wow you sound legitimately gross. Hopefully you're single and stay that way
by Anonymous | reply 53 | May 22, 2022 7:17 AM |
Doo doos are messy.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | May 22, 2022 7:31 AM |
R52: since you live alone, I assume that’s a shower near your toilet.
Why not just jump into the shower and give it a thorough cleaning, instead of just using your hand?
by Anonymous | reply 55 | May 22, 2022 7:36 AM |
R52 please tell me you are joking! Poop is very toxic and you’re better off not touching it at all. Even though you wash your hands it never gets all the little bacteria off.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | May 22, 2022 7:42 AM |
OP, did you get your hole clean?
by Anonymous | reply 57 | May 22, 2022 1:15 PM |
Billions of people clean their butts with hand and water.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | May 22, 2022 2:17 PM |
OP, just scoot your butt on the carpet like a dog.
by Anonymous | reply 59 | May 22, 2022 2:20 PM |
Itchy Bottom OP!
by Anonymous | reply 60 | May 22, 2022 3:23 PM |
Listerine, dumb bitch! Your hole CAN gargle, you know! Geez!
by Anonymous | reply 61 | May 22, 2022 3:46 PM |
OP, make sure to keep your hole dry after washing
by Anonymous | reply 62 | May 22, 2022 5:23 PM |
I think the OP might have an anal yeast infection
by Anonymous | reply 63 | May 22, 2022 5:26 PM |
It's called the never ending wipe. Too much fatty food in your diet
by Anonymous | reply 64 | May 22, 2022 5:55 PM |
You GO NOW!
You spend all day here at buffet! You go FOUR TIME! You no eat VEGETABLE!
by Anonymous | reply 65 | May 22, 2022 6:15 PM |
[quote] Poop is very toxic and you’re better off not touching it at all. Even though you wash your hands it never gets all the little bacteria off.
PRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
by Anonymous | reply 66 | May 22, 2022 6:16 PM |
OP, do you spend your days at the Golden Corral all-you-can-eat buffet?
by Anonymous | reply 67 | May 22, 2022 6:43 PM |
I love making doo doos!!!!!!!
by Anonymous | reply 68 | May 22, 2022 7:59 PM |
Diarrhea is gross, but it's the easiest to wipe.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | May 22, 2022 8:05 PM |
I find the best clean comes from wiping with a dead fetus, if you come by the clinic just after 5, you can get one or two. One fetus will last you a week if you use it right.
by Anonymous | reply 70 | May 22, 2022 8:06 PM |
^ Dafuq?!!
OP, you simply remove your underwear, step into the bathtub, knerl and back your caboose up to the running hottish water and was with soap and a designated butt rag. Towel dry, and blast the following music:
by Anonymous | reply 71 | May 22, 2022 8:16 PM |
Offer Pon more than Chrissy’s paying.
He’s handy with a brush.
by Anonymous | reply 72 | May 22, 2022 8:18 PM |
Spray some Raid up your hole. It'll keep the bugs out.
by Anonymous | reply 73 | May 22, 2022 8:31 PM |
OP, when life deals you lemons, then you make lemonade! I think Helen Lawson has a suggestion for you....
by Anonymous | reply 74 | May 22, 2022 9:29 PM |
Highly recommended.
...and extra savings if you gift wrap!
by Anonymous | reply 75 | May 22, 2022 10:06 PM |
Present hole and let the darphur orphan have a male you stingy bitch
by Anonymous | reply 76 | May 22, 2022 10:16 PM |
Clean that hole! Clean that hole!
by Anonymous | reply 77 | May 22, 2022 10:18 PM |
Ring the bell.
by Anonymous | reply 78 | May 22, 2022 10:57 PM |
My mussy stays clean as a whistle!
by Anonymous | reply 79 | May 23, 2022 12:24 AM |
I used to use those wet wipe things but they usually irritate my very delicate hole. What I do now is only buy Charmin Strong and if I see that I will need more than a couple of wipes, I run the water put some on the tp and wipe a few times until it's pretty clean. Then I put a strip of dry tp between my ass cheeks and squeeze to dry them. I flush everything away and wash my hands. This method usually works and I also use it for times when I am too lazy to take a shower and want to make sure my privates are clean before bed. I would do a more detailed cleaning in the shower if I was sexually active but I'm not. Obviously this is only practical to do at home where you have the strong tp ( the other's turn to pulp when you wet them) and a water tap handy. I avoid public toilets unless absolutely necessary and do what I can to clean and take a shower asap.
by Anonymous | reply 80 | May 23, 2022 2:23 AM |
r80 “Then I put a strip of dry tp between my ass cheeks and squeeze to dry them.”
Wiping your ass doubles as your Kegel exercises!
by Anonymous | reply 81 | May 23, 2022 2:36 AM |
Eat three cups of Activia yogurt, and put some Grape Nuts in it. You'll be shitting like a motherfucker in about 30 minutes. Your asshole will be spraying that shit like a fire hose.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | May 23, 2022 3:08 AM |
[quote]I just used 2/3 of a roll paper and it is still not clean. Any advice ?
A good general rule is that if you aren’t clean after 3-4 wipes, you need to get your ass (no pun intended) into the shower.
by Anonymous | reply 83 | May 23, 2022 3:19 AM |
I made a big doo doo in the shower and my maid Helga had to clean it up.
by Anonymous | reply 84 | May 23, 2022 9:53 AM |
Wash up in the shower
by Anonymous | reply 85 | May 23, 2022 10:21 AM |
I had some 5 bean salad yesterday at a picnic and by last night I was farting like crazy and had loose stools. Had to wash my ass in the shower.
by Anonymous | reply 86 | May 23, 2022 12:07 PM |
Use a bumstick for the reach around. You can find it in the Fatties aisle in friendly colors at you local Wal-Mart OP.
by Anonymous | reply 87 | May 23, 2022 12:17 PM |
Both of my toilets are within arm's reach of a water source. I wet the TP and wipe. It's the only way I feel clean. I'm kind of fanatical about not getting up until the TP comes out completely clean.
by Anonymous | reply 88 | May 23, 2022 12:25 PM |
OP is my spirit animal.
by Anonymous | reply 89 | May 23, 2022 12:26 PM |
My friend Carol would like to know if you ate corn…
by Anonymous | reply 90 | May 23, 2022 12:28 PM |
My third husband left me without a word in the middle of the night. I never saw or heard from him again until six years later when I was having a difficult stool and out he popped. He was dead, of course. But at least I know he didn't leave me for some ugly transvestite with too much money and time on her hands.
by Anonymous | reply 91 | May 23, 2022 1:16 PM |
OP has a haunted asshole
by Anonymous | reply 92 | May 23, 2022 1:34 PM |
R24 is right. Wet wipes can indeed irritate the asshole in a way that can take MONTHS to heal.
Balneol is the shit, but it's hard to find unless you order on Amazon.
Also, wet wipes are killer on local sewer systems. Stop fucking up our infrastructure!
by Anonymous | reply 93 | May 23, 2022 1:40 PM |
Agree with R32. Even small external hemorrhoids can squish together creating folds that retain fecal matter. Wet wipes help clean between the folds, but retention of fecal matter will persist until the hemorrhoids are removed.
BTW, disregard what the label says. Wet wipes are not safe to flush down the average toilet found in most homes.
by Anonymous | reply 94 | May 23, 2022 1:49 PM |
First, WASH YOUR ASS after every shit. Take a wet rag and clean your ass!
Second, Do a warm water douche regularly!
Third, As others have said, get a bidet. They're cheap and easy to install. Then schedule your shits at home!
Fourth, Use wet wipes if you are out in public and need to shit. I don't understand why men don't just stick a couple in their wallet.
by Anonymous | reply 95 | May 23, 2022 2:06 PM |
[quote]Take a big wad of TP and dampen it. Add a little soap, then blot your crack thoroughly. Dampen another wad and blot to rinse. Use dry TP to remove any lingering debris and dampness.
Bet you get a lot of funny looks when you do this in front of the sink at work.
by Anonymous | reply 96 | May 23, 2022 3:49 PM |
OP has a Poop Knife at home.
by Anonymous | reply 97 | May 23, 2022 4:51 PM |
Does anyone clean using Witch Hazel?
by Anonymous | reply 98 | May 23, 2022 9:00 PM |
I'm guessing op has a prolapsed anus - give or take 3 inches out.
by Anonymous | reply 99 | May 23, 2022 9:04 PM |
Regular use of Metamucil is the answer: you’ll have clean pinch-offs every time.
by Anonymous | reply 100 | May 23, 2022 10:25 PM |
OP, we need an update!
by Anonymous | reply 101 | May 23, 2022 10:31 PM |
I heard the OP was developing a crust around his hole
by Anonymous | reply 102 | May 24, 2022 12:22 AM |
A relatively cheap option is to get yourself a portable bum gun!
by Anonymous | reply 103 | May 24, 2022 5:48 PM |
Call the fire department and ask them to shoot a fire hose at your ass. You'll probably have to tip them.
by Anonymous | reply 104 | May 24, 2022 5:55 PM |
I feel yucky and a sense of regret after stepping into this thread.
by Anonymous | reply 105 | May 24, 2022 6:29 PM |
OP, do you scratch your hole and then smell your fingers?
by Anonymous | reply 106 | May 24, 2022 7:43 PM |
[quote] I live alone so don't use toilet paper. I use my hand, then wash with hot or warm water and soap at the adjacent sink.
Are you Afghani-American, R52?
by Anonymous | reply 107 | May 25, 2022 12:30 AM |
Anyone use "Pure for Men" Stay Ready fiber? Supposedly 3 pills, twice a day, of their proprietary Vegan formula and one can "Bottom With Confidence!"
Some of the reviews I read were from women who said they enjoyed it so much, they were going to explore anal sex now to see what the fuss was about. I'm not sure I'm >that< impressed, but am curious what others think.
by Anonymous | reply 108 | May 25, 2022 1:09 AM |
Dulcolax. Things come out fast and smooth.
by Anonymous | reply 109 | May 25, 2022 1:11 AM |
Pour some Drano up your ass. It will unclog things.
by Anonymous | reply 110 | May 25, 2022 2:22 AM |
[quote]Anyone use "Pure for Men" Stay Ready fiber? Supposedly 3 pills, twice a day, of their proprietary Vegan formula and one can "Bottom With Confidence!" Some of the reviews I read were from women who said they enjoyed it so much, they were going to explore anal sex now to see what the fuss was about. I'm not sure I'm >that< impressed, but am curious what others think.
"Proprietary formula"? Gurrrrrrl please. It's vastly overpriced psyllium husk. Just buy that.
by Anonymous | reply 111 | May 25, 2022 6:07 AM |
Do you still have shit in your feces hole?🧐
by Anonymous | reply 112 | May 25, 2022 11:47 AM |
OP keeps Charmin in business
by Anonymous | reply 113 | May 25, 2022 6:51 PM |
I use Pure. For me, it helps with digestion issues and it works better than psyllium husk and knockoffs (pure ship for men). The poops are cleaner but more importantly I don’t get the stomach pain I get with just husk.
by Anonymous | reply 114 | May 25, 2022 9:03 PM |
So is Pure not just psyllium husk as R111 says?
I ordered it because I was away from home and in the end, it was cheaper per unit to have shipped to me than Metamucil or the CVS brand I normally take. But I'm not stupid... my p-d-doops have not been as clean or orderly as mine on my usual routine. I upped the dosage from the comments section's 2Xpills X 2 daily to 3Xpills X 2daily on the label with mildly better output.
I get to go home tomorrow after 10 days away... can't wait for the regularity of my old routine.
by Anonymous | reply 115 | May 27, 2022 4:09 AM |
Can you imagine Gabby Sidibe wiping her gaping maw of an ass crack! Yuck. No doubt she uses the largest roll of paper towels for that.
by Anonymous | reply 116 | May 27, 2022 4:23 AM |
Just eat vegetables! You will lose weight AND won't have to eat sawdust to keep from hosing the bowl down after your morning gelatinous floating squirtbomb of rancid Arby's aftermath.
by Anonymous | reply 117 | May 27, 2022 10:39 AM |
R87 I have one that doubles as a selfie stick!
by Anonymous | reply 118 | May 28, 2022 12:47 AM |
I think that means you're leaking. Have you been checked for intestinal parasites? Better do it soon!
by Anonymous | reply 119 | May 28, 2022 12:52 AM |
Doo doos leaked out of me today. It wasn’t pretty.
by Anonymous | reply 120 | May 28, 2022 2:13 AM |
Metamucil and Chia seeds I find helps
by Anonymous | reply 121 | May 30, 2022 2:39 AM |
Anyone ever have a light, watery discharge lasting a few hours after a bowel movement? Couple of sheets of toiler paper absorb it, but it's still disconcerting.
by Anonymous | reply 122 | May 30, 2022 5:09 AM |
My ass itches at night
by Anonymous | reply 123 | May 30, 2022 6:01 AM |
Wtf are you eating??? Eat some fiber ffs
by Anonymous | reply 124 | May 30, 2022 6:08 AM |
I eat burgers and fries. Diarrhea ensues.
by Anonymous | reply 125 | May 30, 2022 9:02 AM |
r122 no I don't leak after, you may want to seek a doctor
mine does feel dry and irritated sometimes, any good bussy moisturizers out there?
by Anonymous | reply 126 | May 30, 2022 11:12 AM |
Never, ever, bear down
by Anonymous | reply 127 | May 30, 2022 7:42 PM |
R120 Your Mussy should not leak after you finish and clean yourself properly. Go get checked!
by Anonymous | reply 128 | May 30, 2022 7:45 PM |
OP needs to walk into the next car wash PRONTO.
by Anonymous | reply 129 | May 30, 2022 7:50 PM |
OP, just throw in the towel and start wearing Depends
by Anonymous | reply 130 | May 30, 2022 7:56 PM |
r127 I have a feeling DL'ers holes have endured way more abuse
by Anonymous | reply 131 | May 30, 2022 8:15 PM |
r131 You'll find more prolapsed holes on DL than you'll find at a proctologists' convention.
by Anonymous | reply 132 | May 30, 2022 8:29 PM |
😂 😂 😂 @ R132
by Anonymous | reply 133 | May 30, 2022 9:59 PM |
Jesus, you foul old queens have some rotten poopers!
Is this what we have to look forward to in middle age? Or is it just bottoms who end up with assholes as busted and fetid as their minds and mouths?
by Anonymous | reply 134 | May 31, 2022 12:42 AM |
Doo doos leak out of me everyday. Yes, I wear depends.
by Anonymous | reply 135 | May 31, 2022 9:38 AM |
We are always squeaky clean inside and out 'down there' because one never knows when love will come knocking!
by Anonymous | reply 136 | May 31, 2022 9:52 AM |
Does anyone else have gastritis of the bowels?
by Anonymous | reply 137 | May 31, 2022 12:14 PM |
R136 aka Erna:
As for that, there's no need to worry in your case.
by Anonymous | reply 138 | May 31, 2022 12:19 PM |
Get a fucking sitz bath. Fill with warm water and sit.
by Anonymous | reply 139 | May 31, 2022 12:25 PM |
As Bobbie Adler said in the Wlii & Grace episode Low’s in the Mid 80’s, Part 1: Always light a match after poo pee doos!
by Anonymous | reply 140 | May 31, 2022 4:49 PM |
Learn how to clean your bussy correctly.
by Anonymous | reply 141 | June 1, 2022 2:37 AM |
R134, is a foul human
by Anonymous | reply 143 | June 5, 2022 11:48 PM |
I’ve always said the haunted anus is a real thing. Sage your busted donut 🕳 OP
by Anonymous | reply 144 | June 6, 2022 12:13 AM |
R142 OMFG that black dude is so right. He knows his shit.
by Anonymous | reply 145 | June 6, 2022 2:04 AM |