Datalounge stories and anecdotes that you've never forgotten

The woman who was a gargoyle on the neighboring roof. Complete with pictures.

The Once Around the Garden salad bar. Still laugh about that one.

Someone said they worked with a guy who would draw a beard and mustache on himself every morning at work with a black marker.

Look up Classic Datalounge Threads. This was done at least twice in the last couple of years. The gargoyle was included both times.

Possum in the drawer.

The "this thread has been done before troll" is nothing if not steadfast, thorough and impressively quick off the mark. She does not let 5 responses get through before she states her knowledge of the multiple threads on the same subject and her boundaries in the process. You better think twice if you think you are sneaking one around her.

She’s quick to scream “we have a thread” but slow to link to it.

Yes, the DL historian/archivist could do more than scold.

Various Blue Agave blind items still stick out in my mind. Does anyone remember the one about Michael Jackson needing diapers die to anal leakage?

I would like to hear about once around the salad bar, please.

Sows at the trough and lesbian potluck wedding reception.

Whether those were real stories, they were hilarious.

Denise and the rainbow express!

The Pooh Shoes chronicles are classic DL

Red Dragon Cheese! I can't find a link to the thread, it might be memoryholed.

I can't do it justice, but a DLer noticed that a deli had this Welsh cheddar that is rare to find in the states, and wanted to buy two wheels. The deli owner only had three wheels and wouldn't sell, for any price. Things got heated and the deli owner ended the conversation with "I DON'T KNOW YOU"

It was funny.

R13,

Years ago somebody told a story about his grandmother’s house when he was a little kid. He would make a big entrance into his grandmother’s living room and she would announce him as Kitty Carlisle. That made me laugh and it has really stuck with me. His grandmother was a good sport.

I believe the OP just wanted stories and anecdotes. These are usually found INSIDE threads.

The "Hey, Gays!" posts from Butterfly's Honey

I will never forget John the Program Major Book Canadian Asian guy.

I always wondered what happened to Danny/Denny the Aspergery, drunk, stubborn Best Buy manager from Ohio. If he was spotted at Barracuda it had to be true.

I miss PMBT. The responses to his posts were so indignant!

Thanks, OP. Being a newbie, I need more of these!

R13, I found that, but the original story was very detailed and full of color. I think the original thread is long gone.

The one about the man who mistook his wife for a hat.

I remember a gay on here who said he and a friend passed a street person who sneered, "Have a good day, ladies" and he answered, "And you have a homeless one!".

Don't forget PMBT's mother - lol.

[quote]The one about the man who mistook his wife for a hat.

R23 The Oliver Sacks book? There was a thread about it?

-The DLer who fell in love with his "straight" Albanian doorman.

-The DLer who got caught whacking off in the parking lot at his new job, and just could not figure out what to do next.

(If we're not discounting obvious ESTs) -The many adventures of the Shit Brickhouse Troll and his puny cocklet, in particular getting assaulted in the parking lot of Whole Foods by two roidheads.

OH FANK YOU! You fixded my cheeseburger!

This gem really got rolling when the kid’s mother allegedly posted at R49

The one about the Down Syndrome girl (Jill? Joan?) getting her period. I can't remember her name, but the comments were hilarious!

R29 Do you have a link? I tried finding it and couldn't.

R27 referenced, Shit! I think I just lost my job

"Corn? When did I eat corn?"

R32 wins!

Why was Carol doing anal? Was her pussy too far gone and torn to shit for any dick to enjoy?

I've never forgotten 'Dats da Suckjob!' The Chrys Tran threads were also hilarious before they got shut down.

Thanks, R15! That was me.

No, r30, because I don't remember her name.

There was a great thread by the ‘concerned’ troll who was concerned that straight men weren’t cleaning their holes correctly. There was discussion of wash cloths, bars of soap, going in till first knuckle…

The lesbian girlfriend who was possessed by a devil (Azmodeus.?) and would crab walk everywhere.

Ah, i found it!

Melissa Beth!

Chrissy Metz, snack purse and Pon

Melissa Gilbert and the SHITBRA!

R12 LOL it's Poo, not Pooh.

Leave me out of it, please.

The (alleged) Elizabeth Mitchell/Danielle Egnew relationship implosion in one of the Chalupa threads.

Some poster named Bengali in Platforms riding in a short bus with a helmet on his head.

Oh god, I'd forgotten all about the "moist chalupas" thread, and now I'm mad that I've remembered it again.

There used to be a poster who claimed to have seen wrong way minivan mom Diane Schuler immediately after the accident, hopping around on her one good leg

Google informs me that the "moist chalupas" was actually about Maria Bello, while the "chalupas" were the ER fangirls.

[quote]>> And what the hell is a Chalupa?

[quote]The nickname for both the Mitchell fanatics as well as the Mariska/Maria ones, the latter incited by a vaguely lesbionic pic of the two at an awards ceremony that resulted in some "moist chalupas."

The Michfest threads. ("Man on the land!") Those were the good old days.

Turkey meatballs and one towel

I loved the salad ghurl thread, at least I think that’s the name it became known by. It was the one with the poor skinny white woman on an airplane in the middle seat sat between two gigantic black people. They were a couple but had booked window and aisle seats hoping for the middle seat to be empty. The woman was eventually turfed of the plane after complaining that she was squashed and that she ate salad. It was a hilarious thread.

Claire the lesbian with a cane who ordered the bread pudding. I laugh whenever I see bread pudding on a menu or a woman with a cane.

I also often think about the kid who interrupted his parent's cocktail party to take a poll about who was prettier, Florence Henderson or Shirley Jones. I think it was in the "Dialing the Phone with a Pencil" thread.

Well... here's to 25 more years of quips, snarks, shade, anecdotes, true stories, suicide notes and general bitchiness!

Nothing ever amused me more than the random OP seeing Bai Ling on the roof.

That serial killer guy that posted on DL before he was arrested. Luke Magnotta I think his name was. I was on DL that night and it was just bizarre.

The posts from the House of Cards insider who told all the stories about Spacey harassing twinks on the set. Memorable because they turned out to be true!

Dialing the Phone with a Pencil was one of my favorites.

I also remember when we invaded the OMM chat room and posters were making up fake profiles to post such as Claire whose hobby was bread pudding.

[quote]Nothing ever amused me more than the random OP seeing Bai Ling on the roof.

Years ago I had to delete a tweet I made where I was joking about Bai Ling on the roof because people got mad about it. "It's not funny to make fun of mental illness!"

The Marriage of Bigaro thread

That little bitch and the frosting.

BILL TAYLOR on his Disney cruise and Goofy’s “Hyuck hyucks” while raping poor Bill.

Loved BILL TAYLOR

How the hell could I forget about BILL TAYLOR and his infamous Thanksgiving cruise???

[italic]"L-L-LET GO OF ME GOOFY! I EXPECTED BETTER OF YOU!!"[/italic]

BUNNIKA!

The crab-walker!

Wasn't the Bai Ling quote directly from an episode of Dr. Drew's "Celebrity Rehab?" Or am I confused? Although both could be correct.

One of my faves was the "Dude Bro" who would write the Darfur Orphan every month promising to send him stuff but just couldn't get his shit together.

Also the thread where someone imagined Madonna's children as grown adults posting here. (That many years ago!)

[quote]The posts from the House of Cards insider who told all the stories about Spacey harassing twinks on the set. Memorable because they turned out to be true!

Wait, did anyone actually doubt their veracity? House of Cards starting airing less than a decade ago; it's not as if Spacey's proclivities were an unguessed secret at that point.

There was a great thread called "Things That Were Scrubbed from the Internet." Someone posted that Kobe Bryant and Beyoncé once dated, and it was scrubbed from the internet but a few mentions still existed that the poster linked. I remember this because I also remember when they dated, but nobody else seemed to and I thought I had imagined it. Whenever I see Beyoncé I think of that.

Stories about Travolta hitting on masseurs years before those stories hit the mainstream

Came here to mention da suck job, but someone beat me to it!

I arrived her just after the real Cheryl left. I fondly remember Muriel’s post about Cheryl complaining that people were calling her a cunt and Muriel confirming that Cheryl was, indeed, a cunt.

[quote] Some poster named Bengali in Platforms riding in a short bus with a helmet on his head.

That was actually Price Leatherbarrow, r45. Bengali was a different poster.

Dan Peterson, and his hopeless devotion to convicted family murderer Chris Watts. My favorite story, was him going to the Vatican to attempt to get the Pope to intervene, only to be dragged out and beaten by The Swiss Guards. This ruined the the icon of Chris and Jesus Dan wanted the Pope to pray over to stir his emotions, and secure the release of Chris.

Libby's stories about being pregnant with Russell Crowe's baby

I can't remember the name- some former TV teen celebrity - who posted about ordering "Chili and Sea Bass" at a restaurant and was surprised the order didn't include chili. It was years ago, and the DL thread was merciless. After that, I burst out laughing every time I saw Chilean Sea Bass on a menu.

[quote] There used to be a poster who claimed to have seen wrong way minivan mom Diane Schuler immediately after the accident, hopping around on her one good leg

Damn, r47, that was me!

And I didn't claim to see Aunt Diane hopping around on one leg, it was my coworker's husband. I don't know if he lied or she lied, I was just reporting what they told me as "eye witnesses" since it happened locally.

Rob Thomas and Tom Cruise affair. And Rob saying he was offended that people would think he had an affair with a Scientologist.

When the man goes up into the man.

I LOVED the DL fruitcake baker who told everyone to fuck right off when they asked for special changes like extra green cherries or more booze.

Another favorite rthread was about 70s crafts. Super long and soooo many funny, forgotten kits & crafts mentioned!

Brandon who supposedly posted a photo of his face (longish, black hair, young, glasses) and maybe his dick ( long), who claimed to have taken photos of a straight married guy he was fucking and then tried to blackmail him, who fathered a child, and was moving to Texas.

Dlers were fascinated with young Brandon until the blackmail claims. That was too much for most posters.

After he disappeared someone claimed it was an elaborate EST created by a lesbian. (A dark lesbian?) But I didn't believe that part. (I believed everything else!)

The Anti-MTM.

Muriel, how about creating an easy-access archive of the threads most often mentioned on these "favorite threads" threads?

r77 thanks for the clarification! Glad you're still around

[quote]Muriel, how about creating an easy-access archive of the threads most often mentioned on these "favorite threads" threads?

Wait. What?

In your fucking dreams loser.

I'll get to it right after I add the "Edit Post" button.

The Lani Jane saga. Lead singer for hair band Warrant.

To refresh, a poster was having an affair/fucking him.

People were doubtful but it was true and it ended up with his demise being covered by legit news sources very shortly after.

Also, I was on DL when somebody posted: Turn on your T.V., a plane has crashed into the WTC. You all know the rest.

The "Move it along, toots" troll.

The backstory from another thread:

[quote]For a long time there was a troll on Datalounge who loved creating these elaborate scenarios that were always about being in midtown Manhattan near Grand Central Station or the Lexington Avenue subway station and involved him getting into some huge fight with a woman of color because he had something incredibly insulting to her in a very stereotypical, sassy way. The first of these to attract much notice was when he said he was in the subway on the platform and wanted a large African-American woman talking to her friend to get into a subway car, so he poked her ass with his umbrella and loudly said, "Move it along, toots!" Then he wrote to us wondering why she was so offended. (That's how these threads always ended: wondering what he had said that had so offended her.)

[quote]He kept repeating these scenarios over and over again, only slightly changing certain elements of them. Somehow they also tended to involve cheap eateries and grocery stores also in midtown Manhattan. Then another troll (perhaps the same one? it was never clear) became obsessed with looking at men's dicks in midtown Manhattan and always referred to it as "looking for noodle." He did this so regularly that he started becoming referred to as "Noodles," and he became identified somehow with the move-it-along-toots troll, so they both were always addressed as Noodles.

[quote]Then the webmaster got sick of people always sighting Noodles and addressing trolls as Noodles, and told us we'd get in trouble if we called anyone Noodles. So the troll became called Momma because he would refer to himself as Momma and tell us someone in midtown Manhattan got his mussy wet.

When the dog fucks baby in the ass thread was first posted, everyone thought it was a joke and responded with appropriate snark and tasteless jokes. Then well into the thread someone found a couple of local newspaper articles reporting the story and when people realized the story was true, the thread just exploded.

t

Likewise, IIRC, when the OP started the My Neighbor Is a Gargoyle thread most posters thought it was a joke or an EST. The OP got so upset that people didn't believe him he eventually put a camera out his window, shot a few seconds of her and posted it to youtube. There she was in all her gargoyle glory.

I admit, I thought the possum in the drawer was a lie, but that photo proved me wrong.

The guy who just showed up in NYC with a suitcase on wheels.

Someone writing about a woman who threatened her kid with the punishment of the SHITBRA. The banter about Lesbians with canes was pretty funny, too. Oh-hhhhhh, the SNARK about Mich Womens's Fest and the woman dancing around in a velvet vagina cape (among many other oddities) was a yearly source of HUGE guffaws!!!

Let's Roll Cinnamon Rolls

Swamps of Dagobah

Great thread but I fear this will result in a bunch of EST threads from frustrated comedians who think they can create the next great DL classic thread and they won't.

The lesbian poster who served cheese at her spaghetti dinners to her guests shredded with her already used PedEgg.

Jenna/Libby and her tryst with Russell Crowe during the shooting of "Master and Commander" that resulted in him fathering her child, whom she named Ira. Those threads kept continuing for years. They were incredibly elaborate but always boring.

The datalounger who insisted his lover's sister (Jodi) did not invite him to her wedding along with her brother, and so they decided not to attend. he kept giving us updates of the bride's hysterical reactions to the brother's refusal to attend, including posting on social media 'When do the tears stop?" It was such a successful EST that some DL posters thought they had found who the real Jodi was on the Internet and started harassing her, and the terrified OP of the original thread had to admit it was all an elaborate scenario and beg people to stop harassing this poor innocent woman.

Various reports of legendary batshit crazy DL poster David Ehrenstein being subjected to vicious face slappings in upscale Santa Monica restaurants.

I can't remember if this was here or elsewhere on the Internet, but someone claiming to have sat next to Eve Arden in her declining years at some concert or film, when she ripped a silent-but-deadly old-lady fart. When he turned to look at her in horror , she gave him a lewd wink.

Have we drained the pasta yet?

Two words. Chris Burrous.

the 9/11 thread. I did not contribute any of the great lines, but I needed the other posters that way, and I've been on DL ever since.

The jokes may have seemed inappropriate, but laughing really fucking helped.

That day. As in, the sky was so blue that day.

Cream of Wheat, Tom, Cream of Wheat.

R89's link re the Gargoyle neighbor is really interesting, but unfortunately youtube has removed the clip showing the photo of her outside...It's a shame the really stellar threads can't be cached somehow, the older stuff is amazing sometimes.

The best funny video clip I ever saw on here was the pair of fatty’s falling arse over tit on their iced terrace. She was leaving the house holding a cup of coffee and went flying down the steps. Her husband, hearing her screams, came rushing out in only his pants and went flat on his back as well. If anybody can find that video please post it.

This one R99?

Soft butch sous chef.

This one R103?

You Shouldn't Laugh When People Fall

But I did with these two.

I know, I'm horrible. But I can't help myself. LOL

My fav. Mrs Brolin thread ever.

Let's be Barbra Streisand preparing for an evening of lovemaking.

Wow, r104. I didn’t realize the “insatiable bottom” comment was reply 2 on that thread.

Classic

The package thief in a wheelchair, being pushed by his ginger Irish Traveller boyfriend, who was already married to a woman, and was being deported. I think an update months later said the ginger monstrosity now had HIV.

Wendy’s single occupancy restroom incident

Pharmacist love interest rejects man after public fart

I was just thinking about that one, R109. The guy in the wheelchair became a Datalounge semi-regular, bragging about going to law school and medical school and then into Congress and how he'll prove us all wrong about him.

I get a kick out of news articles that in some way involve Datalounge. There was the DLer who posted a conversation he had with the infamous Cockgobbler, and then Queerty (yes, I know that place is only considered a news site in the loosest of standards) made an article about it.

Then there was Meredith Talusan and her infamous article about how her non-binary friends Alok and Jacob were having so much trouble finding dates or fuck buddies. She descended on the thread and had a long back-and-forth with the rest of us about her stances and opinions on the matter. Christmas came six months early that year.

My favorite is still “Let’s All Be Sumerian Farmwives.” One of the funniest things I’ve ever read, and amazing, because so many posts were so knowledgeable about Sumerian history.

Whodda thot…

I remember Price Leatherbarrow. I believe he was in cosmetology school when he described having to wear a helmet while riding a shuttle or some such.

A comment that has stuck with me popped up in a thread posted by a woman who gave a description of herself and her life and asked the DL to psychoanalyze her. One poster responded, "I don't know bitch, just live." It was both hilarious to me and profoundly insightful.

Now, when I'm over thinking/overanalyzing something and torturing myself with questions (I'm neurotic, so this happens all the damn time), those words come back to me, I laugh, and then move on. Thank you, wise DLer, for the laugh and the wisdom.

Some lesbian got mad at another lesbian and dumped an entire 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke on the kitchen floor while locked in unwavering eye contact.

Thanks for the backstory, r87. I've always wondered how Noodles got his start here.

I love the thread about the twin who fell to her death in the World Trade Center's Oculus escalator.

^ *from the escalator, not in it.

Jasmine Guy's house.

I didn’t just cry, I wailed. For twenty minutes, in a dark parking structure, I mourned my dignity.

What about Davie the pastor by day/cold blooded killer by night.

Thank you R106, I have now bookmarked the video.

R96 I read the Eve Arden anecdote here and loved it!

[quote]Cream of Wheat, Tom, Cream of Wheat.

R101 More detail, please. I don't know this one...

R122 I can't remember the exact details but someone posted about Tom Cruise and a trick in a Georgia cabin involving sex and cream of wheat.

I loved the thread(s) about the slam poet Chrysanthemum Tran.

Compared to what came shortly afterwards zhr seems pretty harmless.

One of the most awesome and true elaborate scenarios was the guy who chronicled the antics of his delusional co-worker, who pretended to be in a relationship with one of the 90s boy band members. She created a fake Facebook account under the singer's name and would have long, romantic conversations with herself, and would scrape pictures from the FTD website and claim they were snaps of the bouquets he was sending her. He'd keep us updated on their arguments and romantic getaways. I couldn't get enough of it. Of course some A-hole DLer got too wound up and had to track the girl down and troll her, which ruined everyone's fun and shattered the poor girl's happy delusion.

We used to have recurring battles from Wentworth Miller's frauen fanbase, who found their way here from Google and would brigade the threads about him in defense of his undeniable heterosexuality. When poor Wenty finally came clean, the epic schadenfreude on our side was surprisingly not as entertaining as the tears and recriminations from the shattered women, who through some convoluted logic managed to blame us for their heartbreak by claiming we tricked them into thinking he was straight. Pure insanity..

But for my money nothing will ever be funnier than the Michfest threads. I wish our systers could have felt the true affection I believe was behind all our mockery. I think I might miss the Land almost as much as they do.

r124 I found Chrysanthemum Tran kind of endearing.

Lesbian Potluck Wedding Reception. Ft. Lauderdale, mentioned local bars and neighborhoods. Needed people to pay for the reception and wedding so they could have their monthlong camping honeymoon out west (I think). Family drama, attacks for being tacky, etc. One of the few especially silly tales that (some) people actually bought.

These were mentioned in different threads years ago. They mighn't be so memorable, but for some reason I couldn't forget.

- A mother of grown up kids was having sex regularly with her very old neighbor. No one from her family or the neighbors could ever imagine such a thing. The guy who was a respectable and serious grandfather was very kinky in bed.

- A DLer picked up a truck driver and went to a motel. Our guy couldn't believe that that muscular macho looking guy was such a hungry and loud voiced bottom. The driver was counting 1 2 3...with every thrust from our hero.

- When a DLer's mother died and he went to see her body, he said something like: Mum, don't do that, please don't. That was what he used to say to her when he was a kid whenever his mother played dead.

[quote]The Michfest threads. ("Man on the land!") Those were the good old days.

Oh, those were the best. DL posters would cherry pick comments from the Michfest discussions about who needed a ride, squirrels = death, fat womyn on garbage duty, breast casting, etc. and spin these elaborate stories. They were hysterical & I was genuinely sorry when they ended Michfest. It was truly the end of an era in more ways than one

R129 I was coming in here to say exactly this. I miss the Michfest threads so much. I will never hear the term "nut loaf" without smiling to myself thinking about them.

I love you r14 that thread has been elusive for ages !!

Actually that is not the original thread so I take it all back r14

Way harsh, Tai.

“Let me tell you something about Debra Messing…”

Just a small but cute one - there was a thread about cats and the discussion focused on their foot pads and one DLer said he called them beans and his cat was named Jenny, so he called them Jenny Beans - I thought it was so cute!

I still hate that bitch Julie.

It's hard to believe now, but Bill Hemmer used to be endlessly discussed. Occasionally someone would have some story about being cruised by Bill or knew him in his Ohio days & he was gay, etc., but nothing specific. We know now that Bill is not worthy of time or attention

R137 Bill is still worth a fap even though he's married with 5 little Hemmers.

My most recent favourites are Bed and Breakfast horror stories and weird stories from elementary school. The DL is still a trove of excellent tales!

Weird stories from elementary school is definitely a current favorite.

When Shiloh Pepin, the real life mermaid girl died, one posted chimed in, “She truly was the people’s porpoise.”

I laughed for a year about that.

^And now, me too.

They weren't funny, they were horrifying, but the Pennsylvania shooting in the snow storm threads (I think there were 9 of them) were compelling - partly because it's rare to see a life-ending scenario play out from beginning to end and that sent many of us on a psychological exploration of the scene. I think we tend to live in a bubble of "bad shit only happens to other people" and this brought home how fragile life is. Also, a good reminder not to push hard or bully people around us, because they might just break, go into the house and bring out a gun to shoot us dead.

^Au contraire, they were VERY funny.

P.S.: JIMMMMMMAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

R128 I’m definitely up for reading the thread about the grandfather whose kinky in bed, if you can find it…

R9 really wants the Autumn Harvest, just doesn't want to pay for it.

Google is very good at finding the old threads. Unlike Muriel's own, pathetic, proprietary "search engine."

Sows on the Trough:

Someone mentioned that their receptionist at work would tell callers "She's on the toilet" whenever one of the young, attractive female staffers was away from her desk. 🚽

^ Sows AT the Trough. Sorry, not fully awake yet and that made me sound like a Russian troll who hasn't master prepositions.

^ MASTERED 😵

Once Around The Garden and Autumn Harvest still has me guffawing whenever I think of it.

Any of the Larry King threads. They just got more and more tangled -- I'd laugh until I'd cry!

I remember some queen talking about his work and he screeched, "I love process!".

In an old thread about awful hookups, somebody posted about bringing home a hot guy who turned out to be a crossdressing crackhead (he was wearing a skirt under his jeans):

"Hairy Drag Boy is smoking crack in my living room. Lucky me! Lucky, lucky me!"

Price Leatherbarrow had another great story about bringing home two rednecks from the bar where he did drag as Miss Misty Kiss. They started fighting over him, and he upbraided them mercilessly for getting blood all over his fine furnishings.

I loved the “Let’s All Be…” threads. But my two favorites were “Let’s All Be a Brooklyn Pizza Place in the 70’s”, which became a Byzantine exploration of all the immoral members of the owner’s family. And “Let’s All Be A Victorian Letter Exchange,” or something like that, with everyone attempting to write archly, some of them with massive hilarity.

My absolute favourite thread was called something like “Let’s be our parents 70’s cocktail/Christmas party”

The party:

Just for you r9.

R160 Thank you! I just finished reading the entire thread and LMAO! Definitely a classic!

R159 - fantastic thread! I need to find that Let’s All Be A Victorian Letter Exchange thread too. The "Let's Be" threads are definitely a highlight of DL for me.

The "Titles of Aaron Schock's Forthcoming Adult Feature" thread was a riot.

Turkey meat balls!

R159 Thank you, I have started re-reading the thread and will finish it over the weekend.

Well move it along, toots! Im not running a bed and breakfast here!

fucking BREAD PUDDING AND CLAIRE!!!!!!!!

One thing to remember about older DL threads is that they often don't explode into their full DL glory until 50 or a 100 posts in. Always keep reading if a thread is recommended.

Full Datalounge glory, What a concept.

"Miss Misty Kiss.... upbraided them mercilessly for getting blood all over his fine furnishings."

Menstrual blood?

*sigh* I wonder what happened to all the queens who posted on tbe Michfest threads? You post a similar one now and... crickets.

R168 I totally agree with you. I was the poster who mentioned about the suburban 70’s Christmas party (linked above) There we’re almost 500 replies, all of them fantastic, but in true DL fashion it took on a twisted edge half way through, about the young son being perved on by the drunk older married neighbour etc That was a great thread.

R172 I lost my mind in re-reading the 70's Christmas party just now and I was only post 24:

[quote]I'm the "Collector's Edition" Firestone Christmas Album set — each cover designed like a present in a different color! This year: Leontyne Price and Vikki Carr on the same record... together at last!

It was not one of the longer running threads, but someone posted a couple of years ago with some dirt of Ben Affleck that sounded very credible; it was just juicy stuff.

There was a professional dominatrix who used to post here, Magdalen. She said that Christian Bale was heavily into masochism. I've never forgotten that.

I met her once, she was a sharp cookie

I remember Magdalene well. Her posts were always great. She was originally from my neck of the woods, Halifax, Nova Scotia, and I know the street where she lived.

The Magdalene.

This storied prompted me to quit HEB and shop exclusively at Whole Foods.

R177 Dear Miss Lucy -- Just for you!

The cake baking thread that tore us ALL apart

Thank you so much R180. You.ve made my day. Kisses and hugs back to you.

Judy "pills" Garland posts were funny and yet disturbing.

Sobe always had great dirt on Hip Hop culture.

What do you think of this man? He's Swedish. Do you think he is nice? I never met a Swedish man before but I would like to. What do they smell like? Would he be a good boyfriend? Well would he?

Who remembers the thread about the partner who went out for parsley and bought coriander (or vice versa-- can't remember)? That was really funny.

My favorite was the obsessive/ compulsive control freak from Washington, DC who planned the Provincetown vacation for his friends. There was a three inch thick binder of do's and don'ts. Every minute was planned out is excruciating detail. The best part was that several DLers knew him and confirmed the story.

[quote] The DLer who got caught whacking off in the parking lot at his new job, and just could not figure out what to do next.

That actually happened and you bitches were brutal. It was a legit traumatic experience for me.

@R185 - that's one of my favorites as well.

My partner just screamed at me viciously because I accidentally bought cilantro instead of parsley

The guy from Ohio who brought his suitcase to Manhattan thinking he didn't need a hotel because he could just hook up with someone.

[quote]The Michfest threads. ("Man on the land!") Those were the good old days.

I'm telling you NOW so I don't have to tell you THEN: I miss those broads.

There was a hilarious thread about wedding receptions (I don't think it was the cash bars one, but it might have been) where a wedding photographer shared all of his biggest horror stories.

Oh, and in the infamous Dialing the Phone with a Pencil, someone made the comment "Did all of you grow up to be drag queens?"

The first response was "I went to college on a football scholarship."

surprise ANAL

Let us close our eyes

Outside their lives go on much faster

Oh, we won't give in

We'll keep living in the past

Some guy told a story about asking a sweaty Cameron Diaz for a selfie outside of a gym and getting turned down. He made it sound like she was the rudest asshole in the world for saying no to his request. He's told this story at least twice and I'm pretty sure he's talked shit about her in other posts.

I laughed myself sick and silly reading an old thread about St. Elmo's Fire. It was to die for.

Who was the DLer who posted repeatedly about what a bitch Terri Garr allegedly was, and when he finally told the story it turned out she’d maybe given him the side eye once at an audition?

^I love Terri Garr!

R28 Just read that. Tears streaming down my face I was laughing so hard! Fank you!

I enjoyed "Getting my Pfizer booster today". The OP worked in an office full of people with QAnon-type theories about the vaccines and wondered what would happen when he came back perfectly fine. It prompted replies like:

Pfizer booster last week. Slight headache and sore arm for two days. What's amazing now is that I can play my entire Spotify playlist by just opening my mouth and switch Roku channels by blinking my eyes.

I loved the Mike from Palm Springs thread, the OCD weekend party planner, crying in the shower “I just wanted everything to be perfect, ya know?”

My all-time favorite response was to the “Two planes just flew into the World Trade Center” thread on 9/11.

It was at a time when calling everyone an insatiable bottom in response to anything was in style and the r2 on the thread was “I hear the WTC is an insatiable bottom”.

I read it months after the events and I know that the poster had no idea of the severity of what was happening in real-time. So enough time had passed where I just found it absurdly funny in a sad-but-lets-cheer-ourselves-up kinda way.

In a thread about break up revenge over 15 years ago, a poster described how his ex took revenge against his beloved Triumph Spitfire that he had restored with his father. He came out one morning and found the car slathered with mayonnaise fender to fender, bumper to bumper, restaurant sized jar left behind. It could have been worse if he used something corrosive. Of all the things, mayo. Of course, you can predict the turn the thread would take after the inevitable "Dukes or Hellmann's?"

It was a communal fiction effort, but remembering our retelling of the the Star Jones/Al Reynolds nuptials never fails to crack me up, starting from the title:

"The Marriage of BIgaro."

baked potato bar party!

I will once again state my gratitude for the Tina Turner Wall thread. Domicile has permanently entered my vocabulary.

*wall clock thread

The Tina Turner Wall Clock was hysterical

R205, R206, R207 Please share the Tina Turner Wall Clock thread!

All you have to do is google it, R208. Example: "Tina Turner Wall Clock datalounge"

R209 Thank you!

you're welcome

Has no one mentioned the "dumb teenager who got decapitated" thread.

About a bunch of moronic teenagers on a party bus and one stuck his head through the skylight.

Priceless.

For that matter, the girl who lost her feet at Six Flags.

Eating a rotisserie chicken over the sink

drain gin your fucking PASTA

[quote]the "dumb teenager who got decapitated"

Call me by my name.

Can someone please post the Dan Motherfuck thread?

Here you go:

I was just thinking about that Tina Turner outdoor wall clock thread. I don't remember it being funny, just that the OP was creative with his EST.

[quote]Some poster named Bengali in Platforms riding in a short bus with a helmet on his head.

That was Price Leatherbarrow and I'm friends with him on Facebook. Very cool guy and quite funny.

R220, please tell him that he is missed. I tried to have him cut my hair when I was in KC for a convention, but he was fully booked.

There was a woman who had a bus or truck and look for rides on the way to Michfest, expecting ass, grass, and cash.

A guy who mistakenly sent a fapping video to all of his contacts in his phone asking what to do (turned out later it was an EST, but boy it was hilarious).

The birth of supermodel YPIR. Likewise, Jackie On Assistance.

In the Dialing the Phone with a Pencil thread, one young lad was enamored with Egyptology and his relative's silver cane with a dog or wolf's head on it, shake it at people while yelling, "ANUBIS" at them.

I miss YPIR

[quote] There was a woman who had a bus or truck and look for rides on the way to Michfest, expecting ass, grass, and cash.

Denise! All aboard the Rainbow Express!

Does anyone remember about what year the My Neighbor is a Gargoyle thread happened?

I swear I can remember sitting on a couch in Michigan reading it, (does anyone else remember their spatial orientation when reading long-since-passed threads?) but that would have made it 15 years ago and I don't think it was THAT long ago.

[quote] I also often think about the kid who interrupted his parent's cocktail party to take a poll about who was prettier, Florence Henderson or Shirley Jones. I think it was in the "Dialing the Phone with a Pencil" thread.

that was one of the highlights of that thread!

I also loved on the same thread the poster who said when he was young he choreographed a baton twirling routine to a recording of the theme song of "Dallas," and performed it from his sweetly confused immigrant parents.

John's henpecked father lived on the dark ground floor, while his diva mother lived with her best LEZZIE friend several stories higher. I pictured a narrow town house with one or two rooms per floor. John was often living down in the dark with his father, which was just as well because it was there he did his homework on stolen cadavers.

I’ve mentioned this before but the “things you did as a young gayling” thread as well as the “things mug cradlers say” are two of my favorite recent threads with many hilarious comments in each. Not necessarily stories but always good for a reread.

There was a thread about a pizza place in Queens (I think)... it was fascinating and fun for some time... the owner's son was gay and he had thing going on with an Irish kid (whose home life was not good).

The family sagas went on too long and after a while the story got depressing, but the early posts were quite good.

Weren't there gay uncles too?

[quote] I also loved on the same thread the poster who said when he was young he choreographed a baton twirling routine to a recording of the theme song of "Dallas,"

I can picture some tween DLer twirling a baton to the peppy strains of the "Theme from Dallas."

The guy who was lusting over his straight married neighbor who had just moved in, and introduced himself by bringing over some homemade cookies to try to get chummy. He was all indignant about being snubbed by both the husband and his wife—and kept the thread going with even more obsessive scheming to get a chance to fuck the cute husband.

Some posters’ advice, snarks, and perverse/unlikely scenarios were hilarious.

Aiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Do you do The homosex, where the man goes up the man?

I believe it was "...the man goes up into the man..."

the one about the guy who ate his wife and divorced his lunch

R234 That sounds like he wasn’t meant to be eating his wife.

Only lesbians should eat their wives

Breeders don’t deserve cunnilingus

This is from this year. Someone posted about this cooky old lady who owned a bakery and was also drunk. The drunk would attend AA meetings and expose all the rest of the town drunks because she didn’t care and said it was nothing to be ashamed about lol. That is hella wild. Anyways the way the poster described the town I keep imagining Northern Exposure.

What about that lady that used to dictate about explicit threads. She would talk about the kiddies and how we should not create porn/big booty threads with explicit photos because her kids might walk by as she is on the computer.

When the cunt at R237/R238 starts in on a moribund thread, it time to take a few weeks off.

I remember a poster who was invited to a wedding and the couple were charging guests to be seated nearer the top table for the meal!

Still makes me laugh.

If there is anywhere that documents the worst of humanity, it's the DL.

R239 I am sorry you aren’t feeling well today. I hope life gets better. 🤞

r222, ANUBIS was my favorite anecdote from that thread- I was crying. He would only shake it at people who displeased him.

And I found the real thread for "My Girlfriend is Possessed by a Demon". The link previous wasn't any good.

The Nick Carter/Kelli thread was totally fascinating until someone doxxed her.

The black woman who claimed to have dated Seth Macfarlane, was a genius, wrote some books, was an actress, and god knows what else. She was fascinating.

It's lost to time but the Pete Burns' Low Hangers thread had my crying from laughter. Still not sure whether that's a cigar or a turd on the stage with him

There were good parodies of this, the original.

Response thread

The Nastiest Person on Broadway threads, now extinct with great stories about Bacall, Neil Simon, British Theater Royalty

The threads about Celebrity Rehab with goss about Heidi Fliess and others. I believe they crossed a legal line and were deleted.

The "Freaks You Work With" thread had me howling, so many mental cases. I was amazed that many of them managed to not get fired.

King Kong will stop the rain.

*kisses doll*

Customers abusing the Once Around the Garden salad bar plan.

Pharmacist love interest rejects man after public fart