Cilla Black cunt stories

Who is she?

Oh, that's the bitch that kept stealing my songs.

She was a huge star of British TV

Why is she named after tiny nose hairs that transport mucus?

Major pop star in the UK in the 60s, moved on to light entertainment in the 70s, and became the queen of Saturday night TV in the 80s. She was an infamous cunt, especially well known for being rude to cabin crew.

Was her father a squirrel?

Utter cunt.Ask any BA flight attendants.Cilla 'White' as was only had a career because someone pointed out to Brian Epstein that his entire management roster was young men.

A Lorra Lorra Laffs.

She was a piece of work.

Sitting in a reserved seat and refusing to move? THE NERVE!

Sitting in a reserved seat and refusing to move? THE NERVE!

Cilla fell in her Villa. ☠️

Hi, Dionne!

[quote] One flight attendant eventually grew so tired of her behaviour, that he leaned over to speak directly to her and uttered the immortal line: “I knew you couldn’t sing, but I didn’t know you couldn’t fucking speak”.

That HAD to be a DL'er!

Cilla slapped me harder than Will did.

I remember her hosting the series Blind Date when I’d visit the UK. I was particularly amused by her pronouncing the name Claire as “Clurr.”

She has the same reputation in Liverpool as Lulu has in Glasgow. Fake, Tory cunt.

I wonder if she knew her talent was marginal and that's why she was so mean to everyone.

I have searched for videos of hear saying a “Lorra Lorra Laughs” due to all the references but have never heard her say it.

I worked at a major London department store a few years back. She turned up pissed off her head with a shopping list she just gave to the first sales assistant she found. This poor kid had no idea who she was but was kind of obligated to help her out, especially when it became apparent she was famous and crowds would form. I really felt sorry for him - he was just a Christmas temp on minimum wage and this drunk old lady dragged him around the entire store ticking things off her grandkids' wishlist. O and she'd got drunk with Louis Walsh upstairs beforehand.

To have been a fly on the wall of this meeting.

Dionne's look says it all.

So you're the hussy who's been stealing my shit?

[quote]Cilla would do most of her weekly shopping at a small grocery store called Fishers in Gerrards Cross. Despite there only being three check-out counters in the tiny store, when Cilla had finished her weekly shop she would, without fail, refuse to line up at an open counter even if there was only one person in front of her.

[quote]Instead, she would go and stand in front of one of the unmanned counters until someone opened it up especially for her. True to form, she would never speak to the staff to request it, just stand there staring daggers until someone did so.

They really should have told the bitch where to go.

For those who don’t know her: I spent a semester in London in 87.

British TV was very limited. Not the number of channels we in the US were accustomed to. And there was this show (Surprise, Surprise) with this delusional buck-toothed woman singing in a voice infused with mediocrity. There were segments where she would do things like dance around a carousel while lip synching to some instantly forgettable ditty about a day in the park. Total cheese. And I was riveted!

That’s when I realized the truth: in every culture, there are people who inexplicably make it many levels above their ceiling. Cilla was one of Britain’s. But we all have them. And when an outsider encounters them, it’s mind blowing… like, who are the people who think she’s anywhere near the level of talent commensurate with her opportunities and talent?

Qui etait cette cunt?

Like a Jimmy Fallon R25?

I was traveling through London the day Cilla Black died and I remember everyone carrying a newspaper with the headlines about "Our Cilla" dead. I'd never heard of the cunt, so I kept calling her "Chilla."

R18 yes if you listen to her interviews she certainly thought she was a great talent, who deserved all her success. Although her "Anyone Who Had A Heart" was the best selling song of the 60s by a female..

As a little kid I recorded her singing "Surprise, Surprise" on our VCR and used to dance around the living room to it!

My mum still believes Cilla Black was a lovely woman, and I've never told her that it's all over the Internet that she was a grade-A cow. It upset her enough when I told her the Captain Tom Foundation was a racket.

R30 how was it a racket?

It's collected over £1 million, and yet has only given out £160,000 in charitable grants, while spending £240,000 on admin costs, including more than £54,000 going to companies owned by Captain Tom's daughter and her husband. The daughter also tried to appoint herself chief exec with a £150,000 salary. It's under investigation by the Charity Commission.

She was no Lorne Lesley...

It’s astounding that one woman could have so much overconfidence and ego when she basically looked like a giant hamster.

R17 Oh, no! Don't tell me Lulu is a cunt. I love her voice.

These are "Bill Brasky" level anecdotes.

R9 ^ if that fat Tory Christopher Biggins (“Bi-sexuals spread HIV”) and senile Paul O’Grady were her pals then I presume they are total cunts too.

I know you’re on here, Lily. Keep yer wig on, queen!

Lulu is officially known as 'Bloody Lulu' and, yes, is a huge cunt.

R35, I’ve heard this from multiple sources, including people who know her personally. She is disliked in Glasgow for several reasons.

She switches on her long abandoned Glaswegian accent for comedic effect when she is being interviewed. It doesn’t go down well here. It’s the same thing John Barrowman does.

She is a Tory, and publicly supported Thatcher in election campaigns. Margaret Thatcher is still seen as the devil incarnate in much of Scotland as her policies decimated whole communities by closing heavy industry with no recovery plan. There are still places which have never recovered. Lulu still has family here, and some of them must have been affected.

Most of all it’s her habit of bursting uninvited into We-e-e-e-e-ell at every opportunity. It’s guaranteed, and it’s very irritating.

I’ve also been told that she has a stinky fanny. UK meaning. Delightful.

R39 My Ma used to entertain me saying “poor Lulu - she had to have reconstructive plastic surgery after that terrible car crash”. 🙄

(There were two “crashes” exactly 10 years apart, strangely…)

Hiya chuck!

Cilla has been trending all day today thanks to people sharing her musical highlights

I can't quite believe she was paid to sing on tv

Dusty could fart with better pitch and melody than this cow

She only had one big US hit.

Good heavens her teeth on that YouTube video above. They look like an appliance Benny Hill would wear when he was doing a send-up of Chinese characters.

[quote]My mum still believes Cilla Black was a lovely woman, and I've never told her that it's all over the Internet that she was a grade-A cow. It upset her enough when I told her the Captain Tom Foundation was a racket.

Poor Kit's mother must be distraught with the news about the Ingram-Moores.

Just try to make it through one minute of this. That horrid voice.

In R44's clip, her voice is perfectly OK until she increases the volume and then it's fingernails on a blackboard. Her hand/arm gestures are amusing.

For all the time that I was aware of her she was an old cow, but I was always amazed at the hair: with a ratting comb and industrial barrels of hair spray she always made some bizarre and magnificently large helmet from a few stray gray pubic hairs, like the gauze some insect wraps around its egg sac. Surely she was the inspiration of Gary Oldman's terrorific sweeping mass of cotton floss hairdo in Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992).

I seem to remember an interview with Dusty's secretary or someone like that a few years back where she was like - you know, Lulu was not quite the ingenue, she was a serious girl who meant business, but she was always frank and honest with Dusty and respected her, but Cilla was quite the shit stirrer - would be all full of praise and oh I love it and all that to one's face, and then talk shit behind your back. I just remember whoever the lady was said "I never liked that one, never trusted that one."

R4 for the win!

Cilla sounds like an STD.

I had to watch this, so you bitches do too.

Who reserves tables at golden corral?

r53 There are truly no words. I feel I shouldn’t be laughing but my god.

R53 gurl that was rachet as hell !

r53's link should be sacred DL canon. It's like a Catherine O'Hara sketch gone mad. The spit that flies in slow motion out of the kid's mouth after Cilla hits him is insane.

And are those special needs children? The fat one in the blue gym outfit surely must be.

Wow r53 That was... interesting. Thanks?

r57 I think she must have had contacts at some sort of children's home specialising in the mentally ill. They apparently appeared in a lot of her music videos.

I never heard of her, but I adore her! Flawless!

She was the thieving mosquito to Re's dee-mented water buffalo in the days they weren't dead. A purse snatcher. She'd snag a rag out of your box just to pretend she wasn't headed to the abortion clinic again.

Sorry. SOMEONE slipped me four yellows and one striped one today instead of ONE yellow and four stripes, isn't that right, Damont? That's six months' pay. Yes, I am looking at you and you stay in that corner.

But I still owe him four years' pay. Shit.

Cilla?

Third-rate thief.

[quote]And are those special needs children?

They're just northern

Sweet baby Jesus.

Textbook narcissist, like Trump. All that confidence for so little talent and then the entitlement..

Forget all these stories of cuntitude. This is the single worst thing any human has ever done:

r65 What the absolute hell

Horrible tits.

r67 But do yours light up

Cilla Black was like a real life fever dream version of Helen Lawson

Why does it look like the right side of her chin is fighting with her nose?

She was like the original Ellen (only far worse), all about being gregarious, bubbly and warm, when in fact she was a narcissistic nightmare to anyone she deemed lesser than herself —which was pretty much everyone.

Her lack of talent could be explained if she were attractive or had a likeablity factor. But she singularly unattractive for a TV personality. It's amazing she wasn't canceled at some point .

R44, Helen Reddy did it better.

That is so funny I was crying! The boxing video, how is that not intended to be a comedy? The is nothing leisurely about that centre. It’s a place of extreme violence. She walks in dressed for church, with a perfectly symmetrical beehive, and starts dropping bodies!

She looks like the actress Betty white in the op, also we had a cartoon here on Vh1 called cilla. So I saw what I thought was Betty white and scrolled down to see what was happening, then I found a treasure trove of comedy!

I grew up watching Blind Date and I'll admit there was something about her; she was one of a kind. She knew how to grab attention and entertain, I suppose.

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic now. There was also Gladiators, Paul Daniels magic shows, Bruce Forsyth, Michael Barrymore, Michael Parkinson... and yes, Jimmy Savile too (although I always thought he was gross, I promise).

^ I forgot Dale Winton. Poor dude died at 62 and left all of his money to a married male BBC boss he was probably in love with.

Michael Barrymore had that scandal when a young man died in his pool too.

Dame Edna had Cilla’s number.

[quote] I forgot Dale Winton. Poor dude died at 62 and left all of his money to a married male BBC boss he was probably in love with.

I had no idea about the latter bit! That is pretty sad.

Paul O'Grady said he hated her without knowing her, on account of her being a Tory although they were both Catholics in a notoriously sectarian city. Our Bobby was a proddy you know.

Growing up in a non religious house I didn't understand the religious jokes in Bread but my mum had a friend who had grown up in Liverpool and she explained just what it was like in the 50s and 60s. My mum's friend married a man from Glasgow and she said the divide was greater in Liverpool than Glasgow.

Singing with a Christmas tree on her head

The fuck is going on here

All this is amazing - I'm American and I'd heard of her but I didn't realize she was so popular (or was she just ubiquitous?)

R83 I think it’s fair to say ubiquitous rather than popular.

[quote]All this is amazing - I'm American and I'd heard of her but I didn't realize she was so popular (or was she just ubiquitous?)

She wasn't ubiquitous, she was a star, if not an especially well loved star.

As a singer she had hits from 1963 to 1971 and that was it. Where as Dusty, Lulu, Sandie Shaw and even Petula had a career renaissance Cilla had no recording success, not even her bargain bin compilation albums with some new duets.

She did some tv variety shows over the years but her regular prime time TV shows were on from the mid 80s to the early 00s, when she turned 60. After that she wasn't on tv much but was just famous.

Cilla is trending on the internet these past couple of days for some reason. People are trying to find the most awful videos of her singing and posting them online, including the ones posted above.

You can say what you like about Cilla, but you can’t deny she had beautiful teefs.

she was white at birth.

b. Priscilla Maria Veronica White

r80 Her and O'Grady did become good friends though. Which is interesting because he's meant to have been one of the nicer people in British entertainment from what I've heard.

I wonder what the rationale was for changing her surname from White to Black for the stage?

[quote]She was featured in an article in the first edition of the local music newspaper Mersey Beat by the paper's publisher, Bill Harry, who mistakenly referred to her as "Cilla Black" rather than her real name. She subsequently decided to keep the name.

I had NO idea she was the singer in the “Surprise, Surprise” meme, lmao!

Leave Ciller alone!

I heard a story about how her career ended because of her treatment of people. She asked a young studio runner for a sandwich, and when he couldn’t get exactly what she wanted, she gave him a vicious dressing down in front of the entire studio.

Years later he was now a senior executive at ITV. He decided not to recommission her show. Bye Cilla.

That story is in the popbitch link above. She had asked for salmon sandwiches and I love that he got her the best fancy smoked salmon sandwiches but she bollocked him because she only liked tinned salmon.

Did she have any inkling how people felt about her?

R95 She must have done. I wonder how her adults sons felt about the way she treated people? They must have read the stories on the internet as well as witnessing her cuntish behaviour for decades. Cilla’s husband Bobby was the complete opposite, a really kind, friendly and down to earth guy. God knows how he put up with her.

For anybody reading this thread who is new to Cilla, she was a fag hag, her closest friends were gay and also in show business. Paul O’ Grady, Dale Winton and Christopher Biggins used to holiday and socialise with Cilla. Strangely none of those three have any history of cuntish behaviour, all really nice guys. Paul and Dale are of course now dead.

Isn't it remarkable how some of the most cuntish women wind up with the nicest men? And that's quite a feat for someone who looks like her.

[quote]Her and O'Grady did become good friends though.

Oh, dear.

[quote]I wonder how her adults sons felt about the way she treated people?

They led a campaign to have a statue of her put up, so I doubt they cared that much

I could not find it on YouTube, but someone on Instagram posted Cilla doing ‘Angel’ by Madonna

Never heard of her, but reading through all of this, all I can is she was a massive fucking bitch.

Dame Edna tactfully tells the world what a bitch Cilla is.

I agree with DL about how awful the Daily Wail is but I'm making an exception for this profile - it has a lot of subtle tells and shade about Cilla. Link in next post.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

The Edna bit is flawless. Tearing her to shreds with the lightest of touches.

She sounds like Trump. From a Telegraph interview:

[quote]Had she been born 50 years later, Black’s girl-next-door looks and chirpy charm would have been more likely to turn her into a cheesy reality star than someone who rubbed shoulders with the coolest names in music and, with this in mind, it’s a relief that Black isn’t a snob about talent shows – in fact, she loves them. "I’d be first in the queue for X Factor now, oh yeah!" she says. "That is totally my personality – and I would have won it as well."

Lip service for the plebs but also always the best, the winner.

Her voice is …. distinctive, I guess?

She's no Helen Shapiro (here in a delightful TV appearance with the Beatles).

[QUOTE]They led a campaign to have a statue of her put up, so I doubt they cared that much

Maybe she left a stipulation in her will that they put it up or else. Or they thought it would look bad if they didn't. The children of disturbed people like Cilla can be hostages emotionally to them after they die.

My mother was a narcissist and the neighborhood crazy woman. I came back to take care of her when she developed Alzheimer's. That was 15 years ago and I began hearing stories about her (I left for college at 19) from neighbors. To this day I hear an occasional story of her cuntiness (she died three years ago). As a kid and teen, I thought she mostly kept it to the family. I also made excuses for her (she's depressed, had some hard times in life). I found the stories both validating and embarrassing.

Imagine waking up to find your mother trending on Twitter and it's not because she was a beloved entertainer... I'd probably LMAO at first, then feel a twinge of sadness.

Yes, a lot of projection.

[quote] She asked a young studio runner for a sandwich, and when he couldn’t get exactly what she wanted, she gave him a vicious dressing down in front of the entire studio.

Was he a little homosexual boy?

R109 Trending on twitter? She must be very famous?

See r42, r111.

I never tire of reading about this awful woman. She seems like the kind of figure who would have been on local tv or syndication here, although perhaps she was a sort of singing version of Ellen Degeneres. Stars who who were reviled like Danny Kaye or Red Skelton usually had some sort of talent and more real fame.

I tried to find a byline for the DM article at r104 to search for more articles by the interviewer but couldn't find any.

[QUOTE]When I asked her why she refused to go on This Is Your Life in the Eighties (she told Bobby she would divorce him if it happened) she says she didn't want to see how much her classmates had aged. But then she changes her mind and says: 'I couldn't bear the idea of people coming on and saying wonderful things about me.

Does this passage imply a little self-awareness? She was afraid to go on for fear of what they might say or she couldn't bear hearing them lie about her?

Ellen Degeneres may be a horrible woman, but I think she has genuine talent. She was also a figurehead for lesbian culture. Finding Nemo would not have worked without her amazing innocent deadpan.

Lulu was a genuine sex bomb with a great voice and the ability to mock herself (AbFab, anyone?)

Danny Kaye, Frank Sinatra, Lauren Bacall, Patti Lupone, Yul Brenner, Faye Dunaway, Madonna, Bette Davis, Diana Ross, hell, Dionne Warwick - all legendary cunts, but also genuine legends.

Cilla Black is the cunt without the legend.

That said, her Christmas tree hat dance wasn't horrible. I guess "what if Carmen Miranda was a chav?" was the guiding idea.

I read her Wiki entry and sw she had a holiday home in Spain where she died. You realize this means there's probably an undiscovered treasure trove of stories on Spanish social media.

r114 More likely she didn't want to be seen with non-celebrity (former) friends

I'm sorry. I can't stop seeing her tits now.

Surprise, surprise, indeed.

Did she not make enough money for orthodontics? Or a bra? Sagging tits and a likely roll in the waist is not a good look.

Cilla does Carly with some amazingly bad choreography….

That video of her singing All Night Long is abysmal. No talent to speak of.

She's a hairhopper!

R120, that was amazing. In the not-good way.

How the fuck did this woman have a career?

The original without the stupid remix the YTer added

Cunt!

Qui était cette cunt?

[quote]Sagging tits and a likely roll in the waist is not a good look.

Oh, I agree totally.

Not to go OT, but was Bonnie in the same category as Cilla, cunt-wise?

R128, I don't think so. The only former co-star who ever spoke poorly of the Bonstress was Mary Louise Wilson. Valerie Bertinnelli and MacKenzie Phillips speak fondly of her. Pat Harrington said that he wished she'd stayed on for one more reason for his own financial interests, but I don't think it was personal. Otherwise, people seemed to like Bonnie, they just found her Ann Romano incredibly grating.

Bonnie has plenty of people who still loathe her.

R130=Shelley Fabares

Bonnie had fried egg titties but they weren't the monstrosities Saggy Cilla had.

Is Cilla Black the Kathie Lee Gifford of the UK?

Cilla hating is a cottage industry in some UK factions and much of this is just a rehash of many British tabloid tales, a source DL usually dismisses. She was undoubtably a demanding diva but she was a long presence. She even had a fairly recent and successful musical about her, Cilla.

She was one of the most talent free cunts to ever come down the pike.

She was not posh at all, from working class and rough around the edges, but she could sing. Without autotune.

Burt managed to get ONE decent performance out of her.

r134 Cilla's sons have found the thread.

And fuck off, most of the tabloids played nice with her. There's a reason she was constantly voted the most hated celebrity by BA cabin crew

R137: She sounds like an off skey small town lounge singer. Warwick's conservatory training really shines in her rendition.

Sheridan Smith as Cilla was a better singer than Cilla

R138, your nasty reply shows who is the true c..t here. No civil poster expressing a view deserves a “fuck off”.

I've never heard of Cilla Black, so I thought the OP was trying to say "silly black cunt stories". I expected to see tales of David Ehrenstein.

I joined DL around the time Ehrenstein was wrapping up his time here (2002ish). I regret not seeing his "greatest hits."

R143, if you whisper "Lena Horne was a lesbian" three times, he may come back from the dead and recite them.

I'm not British but what's the reference made here to have to choose between "aloe vera" and "see you Cilla"? As a side note I can't believe the episode almost literally outed Peter Mandelson more than a decade before he eventually came out. That makes Linda's claim of having been penetrated by him even more ludicrous.

The line is just a play on hello/goodbye: aloe vera=hello vera, see you cilla=goodbye cilla

And Mandelson had been outed by tabloids in 1980s and again in 1998, the year before the GGG episode, by gay journalist Matthew Parris on Newsnight. There had been 2 gay sex scandals and The Sun ran a headline saying ‘is Britain being run by a Gay mafia’. Parris included Mandelson as Gay cabinet ministers live on tv.

r141 LOL if you're that thin-skinned you don't belong on DL. And your mother was a cunt.

Do you mean stories used to tell about me, OP?

Plenty of them around.

Glad she's as dead as she usually looked, the bitch.

LOL at the mention of David Ehrenstein.

The "thread where we try and summon David Ehrenstein" was hands down one of the funniest things I've ever read or been a part of on the DL.

She’s mentioned in a Bacharach documentary and he had her sing a song over and over until she nearly collapsed. What a cunt he was.

It sounds like he knew Cilla was a talentless singer and a cunt.

[quote]She has the same reputation in Liverpool as Lulu has in Glasgow. Fake, Tory cunt.

Prosecco for Lulu!

[quote] What a cunt he was.

But a hot, talented cunt, unlike Cilla, who was neither.

Cunt bump!

Here's an amusing thread on Twitter featuring what I suspect must be one of the worst music videos ever created.

I love the seen where the dude in the suit slides in on wheels and disintegrates her.

Memorable comment: "voice like a fire in a pet store".

Whoops!

Her cunt had its own cunt.

That's the kind of cunt this cunt had.

Pardon my fucking French.

What dat you say you did done scene, Amos?

R157: My ears, my ears.......

Leave Cilla alone!!

Surprise surprise...

That British artist hides her face in all of his pictures

Dionne Warwick's recording of Anyone Who Had A Heart is one of the most perfect pop records ever made.

The idea that Cilla could improve it is hilarious.

R81 They should have shoved it up her ass.

Question about @shirleypuzz … who is this cackling woman he posts?

Cilla is the Scouse earth mother and you are all flops

R165 - that tweet has been deleted but do you mean this video that is frequently shared by the account?

If so it's Natalie Cassidy as Sonia from Eastenders.

I loved her closing every episode of Surprise, Surprise with that song

Step Inside Love

R169 that's what our Cilla said to the milkman!

Coldwar Steve is the artist who puts her in everything

Paul O’Grady delivering the eulogy at Cilla’s funeral. Hilarious and touching.

Just been watching YouTube, I had forgotten how cringey Blind Date was.

R173 it was a different time, Chuck

The ONE and ONLY Cilla Black - hosted by Paul O’Grady

bump