Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen here.

Don't hate us because we're rich and beautiful.

Mary Kate and Ashley, is it true Candy Cameron-Bure used to refer to you both collectively as "Cousin It"?

She's a fundie cunt, R2.

We tried to slip her some heroin to relax that stick up her ass, but she discovered our plan and called the cops.

Fucking bitch.

Do you two enjoy pizza?

[quote] Do you two enjoy pizza?

Never heard of it.

Is it a new brand of coffee or cigarette?

Just recently saw a Full House commercial. Damn they sure were weird looking kids.

What happened to the missing Bob Saget hotel security footage?

Did your security having any trouble during this mission?

How much were you paid to assassinate Bob Saget?

Which one of you murdered Heath Ledger, again?

Do you both avoid sunlight? Who dresses you. Do you have your own way of communicating w/ each other? What secrets do you share about the death of Heath Ledger? As little people, dominatrix sex workers, do you offer your clients "full house" services? What about a la carte ones such as "peppermint patties" and "rolling brown outs" Which is the "clean up" girl?

[quote] Did your security having any trouble during this mission?

Hey, we just made the drop.

We told Uncle Bobby that it was some hardcore shit.

But he was all like, "Yo bitches, I've been at this before you were born. Don't fucking lecture me. Just give me what I paid for."

And we were all like, "Whatever, dude."

Next thing we know, he's in all the papers, and people are calling us out.

What the fuck, man??

If the Illuminati are a real secret society, these smurfy bitches are arms deep in it.

[quote] Which one of you murdered Heath Ledger, again?

He was a total poser, and couldn't handle his shit.

Ask his slut wife what happened to him.

Trust us, that bitch is dirty.

do you really say “prune” when you have your pictures taken?

Which one of you taught Aunt Becky how to muff dive before she went to jail? Rumor has it that she had caused more cum in that jail than a Taylor Launter poster from Breaking Dawn.

Also, Uncle Joey’s rent is due in two weeks on his box outside of the Costco where you all buy laxatives and lube. Can he borrow a 20.00 spot?

What's next for you two ghouls? Will there be a glowing, golden light on your respective horizons? I don't mean the sun, just your nicotine-stained teeth and fingers? Do either of you resent your long-forgotten younger sister being more famous than you now? Are you enraged that she looks exactly like the both of you, yet somehow she manages to be attractive, whereas you both look like goth troll dolls with progeria?

Do you two still haunt the Overlook Hotel?

Those kids look like monkeys.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

“I'm sorry, but those little girls look like monkeys!"

--Tracy Ullman, on why she turned down the part of the witch in the twins' "Double, Double, Toil and Trouble"

DL quote r19

I used to hate Mary-Kate for killing Heath but she's bought herself one hella ugly face at such a relatively young age.

Plus they're billionaires and can't buy themselves necks. Money and the purest drugs around don't equal happiness.

Smoke away, girls!

Mary Kate, I just want to tell you, you’re such a true FASHIONISTA!

Perfect illustration of how wealthy American girls dress down: casual chic edged with the kind of nonchalance afforded by being financially worries-free

R23 Well they look great. There style can be excellent.

Ah, I see, R20. As you can see at my link, anorexia does seem capable of prodcucing these simian faces and I suppose this would be even more pronounced in those whose faces are simian to begin with!

Hi, Olsen trolls, er, twins. Was there any homo action among the guys on the sets of your show Full House? The Christian bitch who played the old cow daughter swears there wasn't but you two might have noticed something when you weren't busy shilling for everything from diapers to candle holders.

If your mom was cast as Madame Rose which of you two would be June and which one would play Gypsy?

Are your menses synchronized?

Can be pretty, when the makeup hair lighting photography all come together…

Has anyone seen their teeth?

Did Bog Saget really suck dick for blow?

Long time listener, first time caller. More of a comment. Ashley, congratulations. Your patient paid off. It took years but the "accidental" death of Uncle Bog evened the score with the other one. Nice job girl. Followup, what does it feel like knowing that Lev Bure is getting more cock than you are? I'll hang up and wait for your response. Good bye and peace for Ukraine.

These two monkeys are so fucking UGLY.

The fact that these two disgusting whores are multi-millionaires, proves that god does not exist.

[quote] Are your menses synchronized?

What menses?! They’re anorexic and survive off cigarettes and maybe coffee! Their uterii/ovaries are as shriveled as the “PRUNES” they say when they’re photographed. If they menstruate at all, it would be a complete surprise they discover after wiping themselves when they pee every few months - and even then it would only be a bit of a rust stain on the toilet paper.

This is good, because it would be unimaginable for either of them to quit smoking long enough, or to nourish themselves enough to give a fetus a chance of normal development.

When was the last time you ate and what was it?

When was the last time either of you had a bowel movement? And where?

Haha at R23.

Coffee and cigarettes. Quelle surprise.

Btw, what DO they do all day???

They clearly never have to work another day in their lives, so how do they occupy their time?

The one on the left has those wide open Adderall eyes. I’d say she’s probably on a 40mg dose.

They're both quite grotesque.

It must be creepy to hang around with them.

Did you witness anything weird when guest starring on 7th Heaven?

It's even more jelly in here than usual....