Licorice Pizza's Alana Haim graces cover of Harper's Bazaar!

When has the DL ever admired ugly, untalented, unknown actresses?

Remember back when cover models were pretty?

She looks better horizontal.

Ugly.

[quote] She’s a gamine Jewish Valley girl with a great punim, a Yiddishism (used mostly by grandmas) for someone with a cute face.

You can't buy this kind of press!

Good for her. She’s delightful in the film. I like her in the Haim videos too.

Haim's PR team just received a Google Alert.

She's no Lens Dunham! (In terms of DL catnip, that is)

Who is she related to?

Grendel's Mother r9

Homely would be a compliment for her.

But hey, maybe she has a great personality.

Ugh. Wins the award for smugness.

Jesus Christ. She's no oil painting.

[quote] In the era of the indistinguishable “Instagram face,” Haim’s performance makes a convincing argument that to be truly funny and irrepressibly alluring, you must abandon self- consciousness and that real beauty is about self-possession.

Or, who your parents know.

There's a rumor that she started fucking Paul Thomas Anderson, and Maya Rudolph found out and lives in a different house now.

Who would fuck that girl?

Gay men don't understand straight men.

Their standards are generally low.

At the end of the day, all they want is a warm pussy to stick their dick in.

True r17. Two tits and a warm hole is enough.

I really like her after seeing her in one movie. She may not be beautiful but she has star quality.

Maybe she has a "good personality."

I think she's wonderful!

I don't mind an unattractive character actress at all.

What I mind is one demanding we gaze upon her while she insists she's beautiful, like Lens, or Secretarait.

Is she trans? If not, how did she get on the cover of a magazine?

I thought she was great. Reminds me of Ileana Douglas.

Oh. I thought this was the thread about the Down syndrome Victoria's Secret.

And with the OP's photo my mistake is explicable.

Haim = Speshul

Hmmm interesting PTA gossip

R15 eww.

Where'd you hear that r15?

She's a thin Lens Dunham

I love the print of the dress and that chair!

Those teefs! That mug! Yikes

PTA is a self-indulgent AWG, so it'd be no surprise if his midlife crisis involved banging some ugly young chick who tells him how brilliant he is while she's sucking his pencil dick.

r31 that picture could make any man immediately start sucking cock.

Oh that is good dirt that PTA may have been sleeping with her. Poor Maya has let herself go, but then again they have 4 kids.

I like R32’s take on this.

She looks very real and interesting. It’s refreshing nothing about her looks artificial and that appealing in today’s world.

Eh, why not. Most male actors are ugly af. Reading the article, I think it’s possible that PTA is banging her judging by the way he talks about her and that he wrote a movie for her.

She’s hideous looking and she was obnoxious to the max in Licorice Pizza.

She is beautiful and looks like a Modigliani painting.

R29 aren't they friends?

Something tells me she has a very fragrant vagina.

That's the face of a menstrual-cup user if I've ever seen one.

She looks like she got hit with the ugly stick so hard it broke.

Her look is perfect for Licorice Pizza because it takes place in the early 70s and being homely and plain was the norm. By today's standards she is a dog compared to other actresses. They all get the same surgeries to look like each other. It's bizarre.

We’re getting to the point where beauty doesn’t even matter anybody can buy it.

She does have that natural 70's vibe, kind of the anti-Kardashian.

I want to bring Fiona Apple into the conversation but can’t think of how.

r46 I was surprised when he married Maya, she doesn't seem to be his type.

He never married her. She refers to him as her husband in the press, and I have always had the impression that she would have eagerly married him, but he never asked. Four kids and like 20 years... it's a bit sad. I hope she isn't putting up with his auteur bullshit but I suspect she is/was.

How embarrassing that Maya R calls PTA her husband when he’s not actually her husband.

Oh I learned something new, I didn't know they weren't actually married. That has to be awkward for her.

I didn't even know they were a couple.

Oy! That girl is a meiskeit! Send her off to a Kibbutz in Israel, that's her only chance. If she stays in America the only men who'll want her are schvartzes, and we all know how that goes. The second she gets pregnant, off they go back to Schvarteland. Or as Barry calls it, Atlantic Avenue. He's terrible, I know. I kid. What a shonda that would be. But seriously, I am telling you this right now. If I were her mother I'd be booking an El Al flight right this very minute.

I'll be so pissed if he's doing Maya wrong. She's a treasure

She is awkward as fuck. Wonder who her bf is...?

The valley jews are so insular and annoying. They don’t even try to make this city or country vetter for others, they just exploit it for their own game PT anderson seems pretty pathetic.

How old was her character supposed to be in Licorice Pizza?

The fact that she's ugly is not the problem, the problem is that they want to convince us she's beautiful.

She and her cunty sisters were in a CBS Sunday Morning segment, the only thing I can say is she genuinely seemed like the “nice” sister.

Also, where is R5 quoting from, it’s so early in the thread and I don’t see it clipped from one of the four in front of it?

I think she was 25. That makes Licorice Pizza really gross to me.

[quote]I think she was 25. That makes Licorice Pizza really gross to me.

MARY!!!

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

PTA seems like a PITA. Fiona Apple said he was a yeller who threw chairs. Maya deserves so much better.

To have 4 children with somebody and NOT marry them is just...if you truly cared about your family, you would do it for the civil protections alone.

Oh, Maya.

That is one uglyass bitch.

another thread of GAY men judging women's appearances again... she's not even ugly

After five minutes of watching Licorice Pizza, I had the Shug Avery reaction...

Based on the video at R54, her eyes are quite pretty. Her natural coloring and complexion are good. That... is about it on the plus side.

Her nose is awful. She could keep the length/size of it, but the "hookiness" of the shape is really disfiguring. But by far, her worst feature are her uneven, jagged teeth. (For a wealthy Jewish girl from the Valley to have such bad dental work is... shocking.)

She needs a more becoming hair style. And her speaking voice needs a LOT of work.

Best of luck, Miss Haim.

She looks like many a hip Portland chick. They always have lots of boyfriends.

Her character could have been actually 28, she starts to say it then stops herself.

R67, you obviously haven’t seen Licorice Pizza. PTA demanded no makeup for both leads and her skin is NOT good.

I watched the trailer for LP.

It looked like a hipster's wet dream.

At first, when I saw the movie poster for LP, I thought it was a Blossom movie special and the lead is Mayim Bialik. Thinking to myself, "wow, she's showing a lot of skin there for her age!".

All I can think of when I hear the title Licorice Pizza is the need to have a big glass of Watermelon Sugar to wash it down with.

The great irony here is that if DL-ers actually watched Licorice Pizza they’d really end up liking Alaina’s character because she’s sceptical, funny and a bit of a loser. Haim is terrific in the role.

Plus Christine Ebersole gives the superior Lucille Ball performance of the season.

She’s terrific in the film. Reductive to talk about her appearance.

…who just celebrated her 30th birthday with friend and super fan and fellow Sagittarius Taylor Swift.” 😑 Ok, to get a balanced perspective, I’m going to have to watch the movie now. Because that sentence made me hate her. She’s not ugly. Weird maybe but far easier on the eye than Lens (who isn’t?) and no worse-looking than Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who I like.

I’ve only seen her in this movie and she’s very charming. I’d be interested to see her in more.

R78, I bet you thought Madonna’s performance in Body of Evidence was Oscar worthy.

Why do ugly people want to be famous?

If someone is truly charming nobody will notice if you're not beautiful, there have been many actors and actresses that despite not being "beautiful" can play the part. But it is not this girl case, she's plain ugly and not an hint of charm and they are trying to sell her as the vamp type

When and where will it be streaming?

( i'm still R81) Another actress they tried HARD to sell her as beautiful vamp is Maggie Gyllenhaal, they tried so hard giving her the "beautiful one" role, but nobody really bought it

I thought Maggie G was uniquely pretty and interesting to watch onscreen, but I guess I was in the minority. Mainstream audiences never seemed to care for her.

She's wisely more focused on directing and writing these days.

I always loved Maggie G

She’s a customer of mine. She’s really sweet. No, I’m not a PR person, a Haim, or PTA. But carry on. Also, I like Maggie G as an actress and now a director, but she’s not a nice person. At least, she wasn’t back in the day.

Watch this interview and tell me, please, what is not to like? She's a lovely and talented young woman.

She seems nice. But she’s still fug and still charmless in Licorice Pizza.

PTA is left out of Maya Rudolph’s Proust Questionnaire.

Does she have “an” OnlyFans?

Maya’s most admired/trusted/closest people are her father, her children’s nanny and her friends.

I bet it would've been PT Douchebag a few years ago

So sick of her and her sisters being foisted on the public at every turn.

The Valley Girl JAP as ugly hipster.

r89 Maya's melty face saddens me. It surprises me every time as I always forget she is actively melting.

r87 Seth Meyers AND Alana Haim? That's not a talk show, it's a kibbutz!

I kind of find Maya’s face endearing, but it sure is melting R95.

[quote]Maya’s most admired/trusted/closest people are her father, her children’s nanny and her friends.

Yes, very telling. Also telling that she hates selfishness in other people most. Doubt she gets that from her treasured father, kids or nanny-wife. Either they are split or in a grey area.

I tried listening to one of Haim's albums but i couldn't really get into it.

The band Haim are obnoxious. In film clips they had good looking guys throwing themselves at the ugly girls. They also did the tired trope of the boy's being 'dumb'. It plays well to other delusional young women I suppose.

The music was overproduced but marketed as indie, alternative.

The Great Mediocrity continues.

Who owns this mousey bitch

[Quote] The band Haim are obnoxious. In film clips they had good looking guys throwing themselves at the ugly girls.

A tale as old as time.

There’s something so pathetic about you guys essentially admitting out loud that the only way you can appreciate a story visually, is if it’s told by someone that had had their teeth and nose surgically altered, and if they have an uneven skin tone you have a problem with the entire production. Like, what’s wrong with your brains lol.

Agree r103 if anything I found her natural appearance a bonus especially considering this movie took place before the 2000s and surgery wasn’t normal.

R103, oh shut up. IT'S FILM. There are visually appealing oddballs. There are natural beauties, who aren't raised by well connected uglies in LA. She's a fame adjacent nothing, shoved down our throats by rich real estate parents who know PTA personally. Just stop trying to make any kind of meritocratic argument for her appearance on a screen anywhere. FILM IS A VISUAL MEDIUM.

I heartily agree, R105.

If some people want to see the (homely) girl next door....

Go next door.

The Haim home(ly) is full of ugly Stepsisters. Not a Cinderella to be found.

I thought Corey Haim was dead…

R105 ummm calm down no need to get so upset about it. First of all I wasn’t even necessarily talking about this person in particular, I just don’t understand how u losers can’t enjoy a story if the person telling it doesn’t look like a hollywood-ized plastic robot. It shows really limited personal depth, if you’re getting upset about a ‘ugly’ person being on screen. Grow the fuck up.

Secondly, if you think this person is the sole beneficiary of nepotism in the entertainment and that most actors are in the places that they are without even a hint of connection / favoritism / nepotism then you’re too stupid for words.

Lastly, beauty is subjective. You have brain worms so I don’t expect you to understand any of this x.

Nastyass hos, ugly as the Moore-Willis sisters

Oy vey, those three girls are mieskeits! Back in my day they would've been sent off to a Kibbutz.

I don’t think she’s the prettiest thing in the world, but she not ugly either. The micro aggressions on this thread are out of control.

Oh no MICROAGGRESSIONS! Where is a SAFE SPACE?

If you're triggered by Alana Haim being called ugly, maybe take a good look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.

... It's probably still in the corner of your garage with the sheet over it. Just move the boxes you used to hide it, and you'll find it.

Is this streaming anywhere yet?

Piratebay, bro.

So how are they all related to Corey, and has the other Corey exploited or molested them?

i loved the movie alot, and the actor playing her bf....but i found her a bit.......strident.

I find her oddly pretty. She looked really nice at the BAFTA’s.

did you buy a pizza, op?

I liked the movie and both of the main actors.

he was delightful !

Alana looks like this pretty boy who turned into a homely girl.

Can’t remember his name.

And also like Rumer Willis.

In one word: homely.

Alana Haim is technically not an actress, she's a musician, she's in a rock band, Haim, with her two sisters.

As usual, DL gets their facts wrong. Especially when it comes to a woman they don't find good looking.

I think I read somewhere PTA wrote the role specifically for her. If so, they're definitely fucking.

I wonder what's the appeal. Then again, he lives with Maya Rudolf so maybe he's into homely.

Poor Maya, imagine such a homely woman getting your husband's attention. Maybe her youth is the draw. Certainly isn't her face.

Maya Rudolph, Fiona Apple and Alana Haim are all what I would consider to be slightly homely. PTA is obviously into that. He's never been with anyone stunning.

These chanteuses are like his version of Hitchcock Blondes.

Aimee Mann, Fiona Apple, Joanna Newsom, and the Haim sisters.

r15 Maya leaves comments on her and Haim's Instagram accounts so I doubt that's true. She's gotten pretty tight with them as well (maybe in an attempt to avoid exactly what you described).

Maya should be more worried about the chick from "The Worst Person in the World", Renate Reinsve.

R125

And don't forget the lead in "Phantom Thread":

Vicky Krieps

From Luxembourg.

She was the last Love of Gaspard Ulliel...

(" buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg")

Apparently he cheated on Maya with Katherine Waterston during the making of Inherent Vice and Phantom Thread was about the mending of their relationship.

Why does Maya put up with this man? She's extremely talented, fun and smart. Surely she could have done better that this director. Guess she has low self-esteem.

[quote] She's extremely talented

Is she really? I don't think so.

[quote]Is she really? I don't think so.

Actually Maya is very talented, she got her singing voice from her late mom, singer Minnie Riperton and she's a good comic and does great impersonations. Guess you are not aware she was on SNL for years.

So many DL posters are clueless about the performers they comment on. It's quite amusing!

Even if she is a mediocre talent, she doesn’t deserve to be stepped upon by PTA.

We think she is a beautiful Jewish goddess!

Let me correct that for you R136, an African-American Jewish goddess.

Like Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz, Maya is Black and Jewish.

R137, we are talking bout Alana, dear.

r134 I watched Maya on SNL, which is how I know she's not that talented or funny. That's cute that you think being on that show is a sign of great talent, though.

She's a Lorne Michaels pet so he's shoehorned her into a bunch of stuff including not one but two quickly cancelled variety shows. Her singing is along with waving her hands around and making loud noises is her only schtick. But she often does it as Black women, so white gays love her.

R130 "She was the last Love of Gaspard Ulliel... "

No, she wasn't. It's a lie made up by a French tabloid called Voici, which is like France's Star Magazine and known for making shit up. Then other equally shitty rags like 'Public' and 'Closer' kept insisting on it every week without any evidence to back it up, except that they were co-stars and played a couple in his last film (and sounds like he's barely in the film based on the summary). French press didn't know anything about her before making up this rumor, actually, nobody in France had even heard of her before Gaspard's death. Now there's an article about her every other day portraying her as Gaspard's widow. The French press didn't even know she lives in Berlin with her German boyfriend and her two kids! they just made up a story about Gaspard living with her for over two years, which is bullshit because she was living in Germany with a German guy and her kids and going out in public with him, while Gaspard never left Paris (he would never leave his own son behind and go live with someone else's children! he was a devoted father by all accounts, not to mention the lockdown and travel restrictions due to Covid...), and he was working non-stop and partying alone in France and flirting with people as recent as last summer. They were never seen together after they finished shooting their film, and Gaspard never kept his girlfriends as a dirty secret! on the contrary, he was always seen with them in public. Plus, she follows a fake page for Gaspard on Instagram that has photos of his ex-girlfriends in it. If she was actually close to him, she would know that he was never on social media and wouldn't be following a fake.

French press just made up this rumor because they think she was his last female co-star, but she wasn't. He filmed Moon Knight and a miniseries called Tikkoun right after that. When they find out who was actually his last female co-star, I'm pretty sure they're gonna make up the same rumors about her. Vicky is clearly enjoying the attention though, especially now that she's trying to make it in French cinema. Is there a better way to win people's hearts other than by using the pity factor and pretending to be the "widow" of a beloved and recently-deceased famous actor (who never talked about her)?

This was one of my favorite movies of this Oscar season. Christine Ebersole is excellent, so is Harriet Harris. It’s a lot of strange vignettes strung together with interesting performances. I was fully prepared to hate PSH’s son based on the shameless nepotism of his casting but I thought he gave a very charming performance.

Alana was fine but another actress could’ve done just as well or better. The positive PR behind her performance is just that. I’m pretty certain she’s fucking PTA. Her whole arc was very “Blossom, you’re beautiful!”

I have a feeling it’s going to be a Nikki Blonsky situation where she’ll get a lot of great press for one movie but is ultimately kind of uncastable beyond a very specific niche.