Classic DL Threads

I once saw a “Let’s Be” thread related to Lovecraft, that came up in response to a search I did, that was positively brilliant. A work of wit and art. Haven’t seen anything else that even comes close.

"An eldergay hissed at me tonight"

I loved the Jaclyn Smith MRI thread. It came up on a search for something about Charlie's Angels, and I was hooked on DL then and there.

Thank you, everyone! I will enjoy devouring these threads!

They had DE-voured him!

Many of the really great ones were before my time (I arrived in 2011)

Dialing The Phone With A Pencil

The 9/11 thread with classic replies "The WTC is an insatiable bottom" and "the sky was so blue that day" still quoted now.

The Thread Where We Try To Summon David Ehrenstein

Hold onto your hat, OP. This thread was a memorable one.

Bear, the dog that the family claimed was found fucking their baby in the ass, all of its own accord.

[quote]The kid was just pissed because he wanted to be the top.

[quote]Now I posted what I heard on the news, that the mother came in the room and saw it and started screaming and the dog panicked and ran out the house with the child still attached.

[quote]Is David Letterman still doing Stupid Pet tricks? 'Cause this would be really something.

It gets better/worse as you go on.

The African Baby Catalogue

The first Helen Lawson thread, that envisioned different movies and TV specials for her

Random pages from celebrity memoirs of the future (it began with my favorite, from Justin Guarini of "American Idol")

Dataloungeland

"Not Without My Daughter" and "I'm Not Running a B&B Here!" (aka the turkey meatballs thread) -- the two funniest EST threads, the success of which that no one has ever since replicated

*Sorry that should read "the two funniest EST threads, the success of which no one has ever since replicated."

I'm a little drunk!

Bed & Breakfast was just a joy. DL at its finest.

One of my all time favorites -- "Let's Be the Movie 'Fatal Attraction'":

Dee Dee Halls here!

Joni Mitchell's vagina here!

Yes, the dog fucks baby thread - so bad yet so hilarious

don't think this was the original but this was one

The actual thread won't come up in search, but it had perhaps the greatest thread title I've ever seen on Datalounge:

"Murderous Tranny On the Run"

Anyone else remember that one?

The rape of BILL TAYLOR by Goofy

Shit brickhouse troll assaulted at Whole Foods

The one where nasty DLers advised a poster about baseball game etiquette was funny.

R16 Are you thinking of Murderous Fatty on the Lam?

There was also a murderous lesbian chef on the run....I may be confusing these threads

I loved “Let’s be a 1970’s Pizzeria in Brooklyn.”

Or “Let’s Write a Victorian Novel.”

Or anything Helen Lawson, especially her censored appearance on “Sesame Street,” when she tells a bratty little girl to “go count your chromosomes!”

This "Let's be a Victorian over-restored by a pair of caftan-wearing queens!" thread was entertaining.

Someone tried to start a Let's Be a Modern House thread, but not enough DLers know about modern architecture and design, so it wasn't funny.

That's it, r20 -- thanks!

(I could've sworn it was "tranny" -- sorry)

Once Around the Garden.

Any of the Shit Brickhouse troll threads, especially if they involved "degrading dances" and "humiliating songs" he was forced to perform. And the townspeople pointing and laughing.

Bonnie Mace threads, especially when they involved lesbian celebrities.

Any thread about Deb Messing that attracted the "Let Me Tell You about Deb Messing" poster (who was a genius)

"Teresa Giudice sure has some ugly kids" was so funny that I used to read it every now and then when I felt depressed. It brought me to tears every time. Sadly, it was deleted a few years ago and now it's gone forever.

I saved the "Let Me Tell You About Deb Messing" threads but can't seem to locate them now. Up there in the Hall of Fame along with Bill Taylor.

Is this it, r29?

No, r29. There were a few threads. I'll keep looking.

The 'friend' was going to new York with no money and luggage on wheels. A great EST.

Lesbian invited to a potluck Thanksgiving dinner

The Connor Jessup & Miles Heizer threads.

They document the most perfect love DL has ever known.

Anything with the authentic Miss Warwick is worth re-spect and re-gard.

But, O, gurl (You are are a girl, right? I can spot a white girl just by the sound of her farts.), be careful. There are crazy people here.

Take it from me.

[quote] Lesbian invited to a potluck Thanksgiving dinner

It's a soupluck not a potluck.

[quote]Any thread about Deb Messing that attracted the "Let Me Tell You about Deb Messing" poster (who was a genius)

Still here, thanks!

Deb was going to an exhausted, strapped New York COVID ward "to strike a torch to the songbook of Rodgers and Hart" and rally the medical workers, but it didn't turn out up to my standards.

Ginny in Billing Just Collapsed...Ambulance on the way.

The Deb Messing threads were hilarious, especially the one where she went to Haiti.

Azmodeus, the crab-walking demon girlfriend

The other demon girlfriend who grated cheese with a PedEgg

Unreliable narrator hissing queen brings Christmas cookies to horrified neighbors.

The thread that had the "Dat's Da Suckjob!" story.

What was that wedding thread where everything was going wrong due to overbearing families constantly changing things like seating order? It seemed to go on for months.

MichFest

The daughter with the can of frosting

Turkey meatballs house guest

Sows at the trough

Denny and the rolling suitcase

The Spaide-Goy murder threads are destined to become classics.

Deb Messing Troll: You is smart, you is kind, you is important!

in other words, you're a salty bitch and we ❤️ you!

moar plz

DL'ers: thank you so much for this treasure trove of entertainment! I am eternally grateful for your willingness to share these gems!!!

Have the threads concerning polysexual trans disabled grifter BUNNIKA been deleted? That shit was some DL *gold*

Is this it, R19?

"OP, do you know what an inning is? In the middle of the 7th, it is traditional to stand and stretch. [bold]Do not present hole.[/bold]"

I invited my ungrateful niece over for lunch

[quote]I am now instructed to closely monitor customers who order from the salad bar, and if someone violates policy then I am to point at them and say "Once around the garden, sir!" (or Ma'am).

[quote]My friend is going on a vacation to NYC.

[quote]For a week. We live in Ohio and he hasn't traveled much. The thing is, he can't afford a hotel room and he doesn't know anyone in the city, so he plans to "get laid every night" and just spend the night wherever his tricks take him.

[quote]Yes this means he will be rolling a small suitcase behind him the entire trip.

[quote]Is this practical? (Bear in mind he isn't very good-looking - pasty and overweight with a weird face). Do tourists actually do this in NYC? I've never been (and neither has he) but he insists it's a common, budget-conscious way to travel. I think he's a whore.

R54 BAM< still love it.

A true DL classic: The Soft Butch Sous Chef murder case

"I hear the World Trade Center is an insatiable bottom" is at R2. DL used to be a lot quicker on its feet.

The 9/11 thread is amazing to see as a historical artifact.

It's also a reminder of the days when seeing a Boris-type troll or gossip stan here wasn't the norm.

The original Lesbian Potluck Wedding Reception

It's a soupluck not a potluck.

Sign up today, OP!

A personal fave.

Monkeys That Look Like Nanette Fabray.

An all time fave.

[quote]"I Know, Right?" (2012)- Jennifer Aniston portrays Ambyr Maitland, a recently divorced midwestern Administrative Assistant who heads to New York City to attend the wedding of her college friend Sophie Lipschitz (Kathy Najimy). When the brother of the bride (Adrien Brody), a taxi driver and artist, takes a shine to her, she is torn about whether to return to her mundane life in Nebraska- especially when her ex (Tim McGraw) shows-up in The Big Apple! Also starring Lanie Kazan and Danny DeVito as Sophie's parents. And Mario Cantone as the Wedding Planner.

found the Haiti thread, r29! It formatted weird so I cleaned it up.

"Let me tell you about Deb Messing.

In early January, I had just returned to the States from Victoria, where I had been immunizing some of the indigenous tribes there in the grueling Australian midsummer heat. I'd been home barely a week when the earthquake struck Haiti, collapsing buildings and killing thousands, and within the day I was headed back to the airport, destination, Port-au-Prince. Commercial flights were, you may remember, unavailable for days afterward. I was standing in LAX, cursing my stupidity, when a woman tapped me on the shoulder. I noticed your bag, she said (I was carrying my Medecins Sans Frontieres kit). Are you trying to get to Haiti? The woman told me she had chartered a Cessna and hired a pilot skilled enough to land it in a small parking lot if necessary. We have one more seat, she said, insisting I come with her. There was a brief argument on the tarmac-apparently Anderson Cooper had been promised a seat, but my mysterious benefactor said medical help was more important and insisted I take his place. When I boarded the small plane, I found it filled with a veritable United Nations of aid workers, all as somber as I.

Once we were in the air, her warmth and humor quickly put an end to our initial shock. She introduced herself as Deb though she was obviously well-off and said the biggest regret of her life was dropping out of medical school just short of getting her degree. (She had supplied portable DVD players under each seat, and it wasn't until the flight was underway and I was engrossed in a double feature of her films The Women,and The Starter Wife. It was then that I realized she was a film actress.)

The devastation in Haiti was beyond description. We had to land in Cite Soleil a few miles outside the city and take a Jeep down a rutted road, where we came across a roadblock of armed guerrillas that terrified us all, but Deb took them aside and conducted negotiations in perfect Haitian Creole. (The DVD players from the plane flight came in handy as barter, and they allowed us to pass.) There were so many buildings collapsed in the city center we didn't know where to begin. We set to work in a pile of rebar and concrete, where a team of National Guardsmen was scaling the rubble with scent-rescue K-9s. When a dog would alert to someone trapped below, the National Guard would excavate the site, and if the patient showed any sign of life, the Guardsmen would carry them to us on a makeshift stretcher and we would begin triage there, in the middle of the filthy Avenue John Brown.

(Deb was a great help here, too, holding the patients' hands and singing to them softly; her husky contralto was perfectly suited to La vie en rose and brought a tear to the eye of even some hardened rescuers.) As the day went on, fewer and fewer patients were being brought to us and the rescue K-9s, sadly, were only uncovering corpses and small ones, covered in concrete dust, their mouths open in a silent scream. We realized, to our horror, we were excavating a day care or elementary school.

I was setting the crushed leg of one old woman who was hysterical with shock, eyes rolling back in her head, babbling. I tried to hush her, but Deb stopped me: Deb put her shell-like ear to the woman's mouth, inadvertently smearing her earring with blood, and listened to the old woman's wheezing Creole. The expression on Deb's face changed from puzzlement to incredulity to horror. Stop! she yelled to the Guardsmen atop the rubble. This woman's grandchild is buried up there she told them, pointing to a precipice of gnarled rebar and crumbling concrete. The young Guardsman who was helping us was a towheaded Southerner, probably no more than eighteen. We can't, ma'am,he told her. Deb would have none of it. She says he's alive; she can feel his cries in her heart!

Ma'am,the Guardsman told us, it's not safe up there, not even for the dogs. Then I'LL do it! Quick as a wink and before any of us could stop her, Deb was scaling up the face of the rubble like a mountain goat, her Tevas barely finding purchase on one crumbling piece of cement before she shinnied to the next. (Later we would find that mountain climbing had been Deb's passion as a teenager.) The Guardsmen stood mute and unbelieving, but the towhead found his voice: Ranger! he cried. Help her! The biggest of the German shepherds raced after Deb, catching up to her just as she reached the spot the old woman had described. Deb and Ranger fell to digging, the animal with his paws and Deb with her hands, while we could only watch from the ground and pray. After a few minutes, Deb staggered to her feet, holding a tiny object in her bloodied hands. Jean-Phillip - she yelled to us. And he's alive! Il est vivant! The most hardened Guardsman could not hold back his tears as Deb descended from that pile of rubble containing so many corpses of the young, pressing the tiny miracle to her breast as Ranger led the way. When she finally reached the ground, I held out my hands for the baby, but Deb shook her head. He needs her touch, she said. And she needs his. With that tender smile I had seen in The Starter Wife, she placed the infant in the arms of his grandmother, where he worked his tiny fists for a moment before letting loose a cry in the destroyed streets of Port-au-Prince.

The kid's got some lungs on him, said Red. That's the sound of a healthy baby. Deb put her finger to his lips. No,she said. That's the sound of LIFE. As the other medics turned their attention to the blood and glass in Deb's feet (she had lost her Tevas on the downhill climb), I looked at the old Haitian woman on the stretcher. With one hand, she pressed her grandson to her heart; the fingers of the other hand worked an invisible rosary. Her parched mouth moved in silent prayer, and I knelt next to her to dampen her cracked lips with a few drops of water from my canteen when she suddenly grabbed my sleeve with a strength belying her advanced years. At that moment, the blood left her face, and I knew we had lost her; she had held on in hopes of an angel saving the life of her grandson, and now that God had done His work, she was ready to meet Him.

I bent down to moisten her lips once again, and in a palsied wheeze, she uttered her last words:

Qui etait cette cunt?"

Victorian Era Datalounge

I scream-laughed so hard the first time I read the Deb/Haiti thread my BF was about to call 911.

My Neighbor Stole My Tina Turner wall clock