You get fucked hard by a celebrity zoomer

OP, nobody is getting “fucked hard” by Shawn Mendes’ little peanut dick.

You must be the nelliest bottom in Bottomland if you want to get fucked by any of those boys.

I don't know who any of these people are.

[quote]slapping, name-calling, bondage, and spitting

A zoomer is not going to do any of those things. They'll instead ask for consent and your preferred pronouns.

"I don't know her"

Wow... so many (wishful thinking) tops to choose from.

I am an eldergay, and I do not recognize any of these non-Shawn-Mendes names. So before making my decision about who will go up in me, I need to host a pool party where I may meet these young gentlemen and determine their suitability for this special purpose. Swimwear optional (except for me, for whom any tarp, dropcloth, poncho, muumuu or caftan will do).

WHO???

These guys are legal, right? Half look to be 12 years old max.

David Mazouz.

I might have chosen Shawn Mendes, but I couldn't deal with the guilt he'd undoubtedly feel after actually doing something gay.

The rest, do they have pubes yet?

I wouldn’t mind having Dah-veed’s kosher fuck stick, but I kind of want JDG to pop a few adderall and channel his violent insanity right into my guts.

Shawn Mendes is a TOTAL bottom.

NONE

I have zero interest in any man under forty

Have any of these fetuses sprouted pubic hair yet? Have their balls dropped?

I chose notorious pussy hound Shawn Mendes because who the fuck are these people

r9 R14

They're all over 18, and most of them are in their 20s. Sorry that young men's appearance is confusing and/or disturbing to you.

Ermmmm... are you sure we shouldn't be voting on who the ugliest is? Cause this is one unattractive group of nobodies (except Shawnderella)

Why is Harry Styles and his big dick not on this list, OP? Are you a Klan Granny?

I get Hung Jewish Top vibes from Alex Wolff (b. ‘97)

Can I pick Jacob Elordi?

Fuck that list, OP. Send over the top 10 gay cadets from West Point. Ta, doll.

What about Joshua Barrett?

If I wanted to be fucked by a vaguely masculine looking lesbian I'd call k.d. lang and ask her to bring her strap on.

Is Op a frau? All these whores are bottoms. Jacob Elordi is a top for sure with that height and brutal face.

r24

On the contrary, it's these boring preconceptions about who is a bottom or a top that seem frau-ish to me (not just directed at you but other posters as well).

In fact, I recently hooked up with an angelic-looking, curly-haired 17yo (don't worry, it's legal where I live) who used me in exactly the way described.

Ty, then David then Charlie then Johnny and then all of the others...

[quote] He won't go easy on your millennial-to-eldergay ass; expect slapping, name-calling, bondage, and spitting.

You forgot the Vivian Vance option if you're looking for this ^^

Beautifully put, r11.

r18

Harry Styles was born in 1994, falling squarely outside this thread's definition of zoomer.

But I'm confused - what has excluding him got to do with being a "Klan Granny"? Isn't he a white Protestant Brit?

Shawn Mendes a top---hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

I'll take Asher Angel.

Or Ethan Wacker.

It is known that they are all gay.