The Datalounge Christmas Special

Mitzi. She'll fill us in on the real story of Joel's neighbour.

The Breitbart Troll Brigade sing "fuck Biden and the Trannies" while shamefully masturbating to shirtless Chris Hemsworth pictures.

The Ghost of Ginny from Billing shares her angel food cake recipe.

Andrew Cuomo will play Emperor Palpatine.

The Nephew Troll plays Uncle Scrooge

Iain Armitage as the boy who fights off Santa Spacey.

BILL TAYLOR will serenade Howard the dwarf with a rendition of "Short People."

Cheryl sings "All I Want for Christmas is a Stronger Feminine Hygiene Product".

Helen Lawson re-creates the entire Dusty Towne Sexy Holiday Special.

The Darfur Orphan will be serenaded with "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

[quote] The Darfur Orphan will be serenaded with "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

Well tonight thank god it's him instead of you.

Invite the girl who stares at something offscreen while sitting on the floor at the Western Electric Co. 1925 Christmas party.

I’ll be the one making a list of the ankle biters and scamps who’ve been Naughty and Nice. Santa will have a light load, Rudolph.

Alec Baldwin is here because his faux latinx wife thought it would help rehabilitate his image……….SHIT WHO THE FUCK GAVE BALDWIN A PROP GUN!!!!!!

DL ❤ beauty, eloquence, and seductive powers.

The Senatrice will perform "O Cum All Ye Faithful"

Henry Cavill as Santa

Can we please have Jimmy Osmond sing Heaven Knows with Satin.

Tim Tebow stars in a skin-tight elf costume and sings "Santa Baby"

(quote)Alec Baldwin is here...

Along with the little Baldinitos y su madre

(And we will all get paid SAG scale - don't try to fuck with us!)

Cher will give us a sultry performance of "O Holy Night."

O Holy Night

The stars are brightly shiiiiii-ning

Yeah

↑ And Cher will have her "muff" with her

The Caftan Chorus will back up!

Debbie Reynolds will shake her fanny while Donald O'Conner backflips off a wall singing Chrissy, the Christmas Mouse.

Yes, R22, Cher was donning a muff and a Victorian overcoat.

Miss QAaron Rodgers will be handling the Covid Rapid Tests and vaccine card checks at the door.

In a special segment filled with smoke, mirrors, and filtered lenses....

Lucille Ball will croak out "We Need a Little Christmas"

I believe you're overestimating the production budget. Let's meet your needs and work from there, OK?

We have Yasmin Bleeth making her famous peppermint drops - dabs of dried toothpaste.

We've also contacted the ghost of David Ogden Stiers and he's going to cover W.A.P. essentially, it's an empty vinyl catsuit humping the floor. But, the forehead sweat is 100% DOS.

Burke Ramsey will re-enact JonBenet’s best received holiday pageant talent segment and, unlike his stubborn little sister, will perform the choreography perfectly and with a radiant smile.

I’ll be in the corner, wearing my best ugly xmas caftan and cradling a mug of warm eggnog. (The heat helps soothe my fibromyalgia.)

Liza Minelli and Neely O'Hara try to sing a duet of...

"I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas"

but it dissolves into chaos, as they break into unintelligible laughing and screaming and throwing props at each other...

Imelda Marcos will thrill us with her rendition of "The Christmas Shoes."

Carl Nassib's twink will be channelling his inner Mariah with a stirring rendition of "All I Want For Christmas In You" in a red spanx suit and Santa hat.

Why are actual villains the stars of our special?!

What would a DL Christmas be without Melania's blood trees?

[quote] Why are actual villains the stars of our special?!

Clear your mind must be if you are to find the villains behind this plot.

r27 You tell that Old Toad to Blow it out her foghorn! Buckle up for the duet of the century When Shelly Winters and I sing " Nuttin for Christmas" In Baby jane curls an oversized dress and bloomers. Later on in the evening my solo of The Christmas Waltz as I gaze wistfully out the window.

Burke isn’t a villain. Officially.

Elliot Page will be asked to leave after a disastrous game of hide the sausage.

As a special treat, we'll whip out the ouija board and try to contact the ghosts of the attendees of the 1925 Western Electric Christmas party!

Muriel will cut to commercial when a sudden noise causes guest star Sarah Jessica Parker to kick Cheryl in the cunt. The scene will mysteriously disappear never to be seen again.

G. in tears because people are ignoring her.

Bringing you merry stardom!

Right here!

And oh, the bedtime Christmas stories are a must!

The grammar trolls poured laxatives in the punch because there was a typographical error in the invitations.

The pathetic trolls with self-worth and self-esteem issues stayed home out of fear that “this is why they hate us”

Live cross to the Cayman Islands for a special bbq segment featuring Arnie Hammer!

No Datalounge Christmas Special is complete without a performance by Corey Feldman & his Angels!

For the few, MAGA elder-straights that visit DL, there is something for you too!

Presenting Kimberly Guilfoyle for the holidays:

Gotta have a decorated tree.

Can Keram Malicki Sanchez come?

R46 Then as people run to the restroom they just stand around saying "Oh, dear!" and laughing hysterically.

[quote] Can Keram Malicki Sanchez come?

What says Keram about coming?

Vairst Letty stops by to remind us that she doesn't geeve a fuck about Christmas

R48 will feature a cameo appearance by Armie's "Man from U.N.C.L.E." co-star, Henry Cavill. His ass and thighs alone could feed all the party-goers!

(It also wouldn't be the first time Cavill was spit-roasted.)

I'll be closely "monitoring" the craft services table, but will still be ready to step in and perform at a moment's notice

Caitlyn Jenner gives Elliot Page her dick in a box in a shocking Secret Santa Music Video "cutaway" that does not go viral.

But Greg, what will Greg do?

Greg will die in an overly elaborate hot dog eating contest only to come back as a ghost claiming he is, in fact, not dead.

Miss Johnny Mathis is invited, right?

Yes, Johnny will be portraying the Snow Queen.

Hermey the Elf will be coming out live on tv!

R63 He needs to come out? He is the animated version of Liberace, everyone knows, it just isn't talked about.

Annie Lennox performs The Christmas Shoes.

I'm the group of trans folk who jump up mid performance to complain about Everything/anything

I'm the conservatives who go out of their way to complain about trans people! I don't even know a trans person but I won't stop bitching about them!

I started stoning and beading and sequining for this TWO YEARS AGO!

Sorry to announce that the Cavalcade of Straight Pron Stars at this year's Christmas Special, sponsored by Sean Cody has been cancelled. Turns out none of them are really straight. But you already knew that, didn't you?

Refunds will be made at the point of purchase.

[quote] Aaron Schock sings "O Holy Night" while presenting hole

Wouldn't that be "O Holey Night"?

We need music. Now!!!

[quote] We need music. Now!!!

We need a little Chris Burke now!

[quote] We need music. Now!!!

[quote] We need a little Chris Burke now!

Celebrate! Celebrate!

There will be a debate on whether to drain your pasta, rinse your pasta, or just screw having pasta at all

I’ll bring mulled wine and hot mince pies. Richard and I will also bring Mr. and Mrs. Thorgunby. Richard is his deputy in the department of Finance and General Purposes. We’ll bring Sheridan and his friend Tarquin, too. They only wear pure silk pyjamas.

Is there something for Colton?

No, not even close.

Can we decorate Cockgobbler's hole with a wreath? Or maybe some tinsel?

I've got a holiday snack purse filled with candy canes, fruitcake, a Virginia ham, a tin of three kinds of popcorn, Rice Krispie treats studded with gummy bears and jolly ranchers, a rack of St. Louis-style ribs, a two liter of Diet Coke, and a half-melted bag of Tyson chicken nuggets. I hope it's enough to keep me going until they start passing appetizers.

And Very Special Guest Appearance by:

Vivian Vance

As Mrs. Claus

I hope Lucy can join and reprise her Count Floyds Christmas Special act @ :51.

I love you, R57!

Deck the halls replaced by "Deck Tucker Carlson"

I'll be wearing my festive mistletoe belt buckle if anyone wants to kiss under it!

R84, I will!

Can someone do a Datalounge themed 12 Days of Christmas?

Nine twinks a-laying

Eights whores a-milking

Nine porn stars edging

Ten wankers cumming

Five gold cock rings

And a Patridge Family CD!

Two French Whores

And a rescue dog in a pear tree

Ten lords a-gaping

I’ll be there, but don’t expect me to say anything.

Four TERFs a terfing.

This is the perfect opportunity for me to make my Christmas Croquembouche! Every party I go to is filled with people who don't eat, so it will be a welcome change of pace to hang out with you gals.

The Darfur Orphan will be doing readings from the Neiman-Marcus Christmas Catalog.

Sassy Little Prince George will be a special guest star and perform Holly Jolly Christmas.

Nobody likes croquembouche.

I'm the guy that always spikes the punch so I can make the party more interesting!

Some gifts arrive for the gaiety of the season. Their presence will be argued insufferably all evening.

I'm so excited, I've been looking forward to an occasion like this!

I'm going to wear my chic new hostess pants with a little black, off-the-shoulder blouse and a big crushy belt and little ballet slippers.

(But dammit, I wanted a toaster!)

↑ My friend's idea of a "great" birthday gift

Unfortunately, Santa won't make it to the DL holiday gathering. He'll be seeing me extensively for seasonal fun!

R91 Only two French Whores? Damn, Covid must have devastated France more than I thought.

With ”Succession” star Jeremy Strong as Santa Claus. NOTE: We strongly request that you refer to him only as Santa, Mr. Claus, or Old St. Nick. Guests who refer to him as “Jeremy” will be asked to leave.

In the Nativity scene Peter is wearing leggings.

Six twinks for laying

FIVE Gold cock riiiiiiiingss

Four calling cards

Three French whores

Two daddies turtling

And a Partridge Family CD

The guy playing Santa will check to see that all holes of attendees are clean.

Can we get some Italian stud to bring some panettone?

The DL should pose for a Christmas card where we all hold guns like Lauren Boebert's family

The DL should pose for a Christmas card where we all hold guns AT Lauren Boebert's family

All fixed

*gasp, wheeze* "Ho ho ho, I've got a snack purse for one very good little girl!"

Red Velvet Bathrobes For Everyone!

Are we inviting hot tranny mess Marjorie Taylor Greene?

R115 yes. But only to "Carrie" her for our enjoyment and then she will be asked to leave.

I'm the computer cabling manufacturer who runs four commercial spots."Data" in the title led Harvey to assume it was an IT program.

Live promotions are not going well; Sandra Oh nearly strangled herself rolling and writhing on the cables. Security had to receiver $3000 in cabling from Chachi's mini van.

Will this event be taking place in the shitty?

I'm so happy that DL's favorite ventriloquist act, Mr. Neighbours and Joel, is coming back this year! Has anyone ever figured out how he makes Joel's mouth move?

Marsha Blackburn's Tennessee has Log Cabin Republicans in a festive mood. Some of them must be DLers.

Can we set the Fox News tree on fire again?

Joey Luft sings "Blue Christmas"

Dionne Warwick

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

Boxcar Willie - White Christmas

Like this song.

Pretty Paper by Willie Nelson

I'll be bringing two boxes of Franzia - Chablis and Sunset Blush!

I don't think the right-wing horrors mentioned would be at the DL party except as targets for the "pin the tail on the asshole" contest.

Is gay icon Tiffany Trump invited?

Lindsey Graham and Tom Cotton reenacting the "Sisters" number from White Christmas

Can we have a screening of the new West Side Story? Should be able to get it pretty cheap.

Only if Ansel comes. I just want to see the whispering as he walks by.

Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey masturbate to the Vienna Boys Choir

Jussie Smollet is raped by a train of big, white, corn-fed Trumpsters while he wears a noose around his neck.

Richard Simmons (almost bald now) makes a surprise appearance on his famous red shorts, and does a few chair-based exercises for us.

Nancy Pelosi sings Merry Christmas, Darling on top of a piano a la Michelle Pfeiffer in Fabulous Baker Boys.

Fat whores rejoice! There’s something for you, too!

Matt Damon’s womanly ass will be the Elf on a Shelf.

Madonna will come dressed as the Grinch with her Madame X eye patch and steal all the presents

Chrissy Metz will eat the plate of cookies meant For Santa.

Elsewhere, while DL is having their Christmas party....

Lá Senatrice writes skits to entertain the geriatric millionaire crowd in the Mar-a-Lago grand dining room. The Chritmas Eve show will be Repunzel. LadyG will play Repunzel of course. Donald is the Prince but struggles to learn his lines. The Sorceress is played by Kimberly, Junior's sweetie. The crowd will be so appreciative. LadyG will receive a standing ovation as she always does.

It would be nice to have a DL holiday season party somewhere. I'd enjoy meeting some of you characters. But with travel costs and time, obligations, and a pandemic happening, such is unrealistic. I suppose some DLers, such as in NYC, could have organized social events.

Can Cockgobbler come?

It wouldn’t be complete without a rousing rendition of “The Carol of Intimacy”

The ultimate celebrity:

I'm M. clutching all me Oscars and awards and gaining all of the attention.

Fie on thee, R92!

The whole fucking place will again be a shit show.

Oops, wrong thread^ 145

R146 Are you sure?

Is Maddie Cawthorn invited?

I'm Christina Crawford spreading lies about Joan.

I'm one of the gays that spend most of the night in the bathroom doing drugs

^ Go fuck yourself.

[quote]The DL should pose for a Christmas card where we all hold 2-foot dildos like Lauren Boebert's family

FIFY