Chrissy Metz Launches Wine Company

So now wine goes into the snack purse.

Is this the type of launch where the Queen smashes a bottle of champagne on her port side?

Remember, calories don’t count when you’re snockered!

Only two varietals available so far:

Gravy

Chicken Gravy

Priced to stay in the warehouse.

What type of wine doesn’t Justin Hartley (Kevin) prefer red, white, rose? What is the best wine paired with a serial cheater?

Now there's a woman who adds a couple of teaspoons of sugar to her Merlot.

Now you've done it, OP! The straight fraus are going to be very very upset with you! They're going to stomp their feet and threaten to leave DL again!

Will it be sold in convenient wineskins, which can be worn alongside the snackpurse?

She must be very good at stomping on the grapes.

I’m picturing a giant wheel of cheese and a crate of Ritz crackers as a snack for her during her wine consumption.

R10, no need. She just lays down flat in the tub and makes snow angel movements.

You may view happy, thin people imbibing at link.

To her credit, there is a charitable component to this.

Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a Joyful Heart

Rooted in the spirit of joy, faith, love and community, The Joyful Heart Wine Company celebrates the union of sharing wine and the spirit of generosity.

Founded by beloved American actress Chrissy Metz, a guiding principle in the creation of these delightful wines was her inspirational philosophy that “it’s only after we fill our own glasses that we’re able to pour unto others”.

In tune with this purposeful mindset, a portion of every bottle sold is donated to World Central Kitchen in support of efforts to nourish communities and strengthen economies in times of crisis and beyond.

It's kind of hard to be joyful with all that I am working with, I'm exhausted!

Will this be placed alongside SkinnyGirl brand liquors in the stores for shits and giggles?

Serving suggestion.

That whole tanker is edible?

Wow, that’s a big hunk of cheese she’s eating there. 🧀

That’s what left of it R18

She’s branching out into hard liquor next, with her own brand of Metz Insulin.

Take it in moderation; we suggest a serving size of one shot only

Every actress is in the wine business now

Cradle that wine, gals!

the first wine that comes in a bottle you can eat when it's empty!

You bitches are outdoing yourselves on this thread. Hysterical.

Joyful Heart is the most frau brand name imaginable.

The "Joyful Heart"Merlot I tasted had flabby tannins, the prune-y ripeness spilled over on the nose, had a sweaty aftertaste on the back of the palate, and gave off hot fumes in the glass. The grapes were too fat when they were harvested, yielding a product that was in excess for the varietal.

Won’t be like my empire SKINNY GIRL.

Joyful Gunt doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

Joyful Heart Disease

The house red is known as the Big As a House red.

How random. Didn’t see that coming.

The edible corks are made from Beef Jerky and Slim Jims.

The buttery notes of her chardonnay is from actual butter.

Wine: It's what for lunch.

Chrissy is having two friends over for a wine tasting this evening.

She’ll be ordering in pizza for them as sadly, the spread below is barely enough for her.

My cousins's friend's brother drank some Joyful Heart wine and his testicles fell off.

Wine, you say?

I guess her planned partnership with Peloton fell through.

My Dad worked on her panic room and said she is naturally very funny. When he was talking with her she farted in his presents. Lol.

I'll take THAT with cheese!

[quote] My Dad worked on her panic room and said she is naturally very funny. When he was talking with her she farted in his presents. Lol.

Of course he liked her. A panic room her size would put you through college.

Does she hide out in the panic room when her snacks are running low and the market won’t deliver for six hours?

Was he injured when she blasted him into the wall R38?

I can’t wait to try the “Live Laugh Love” Rosé. 🍷

[quote] When he was talking with her she farted in his presents.

Was it his birthday or Christmas?

First the Walmart fashion line, now wine. She's creating a lifestyle brand for the hefty gal!

I imagine the panic room is filled with Dorito's and corn syrup.

[quote]First the Walmart fashion line, now wine. She's creating a lifestyle brand for the hefty gal!

Gwyneth has GOOP.

Chrissy has AVOIRDUPOIS.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’ve all had your laughs, but did you buy my wine?

A girl’s gotta eat, you know.

I can't breathe!

Chrissy, which wine pairs with a gunt cake?

She looks happy as opposed to 99% of you bitches

She’s obviously drunk R51.

98% of you bitches are unhappy when drunk.

I’m a fat whore and I’m laughing!

So now this hog is swilling wine?

Nothing like keeping that pork marinated.

Do you think she could help me with my Reeses problem?

I guess it won't be called Fat Girl Cocktails.

Do her nails denote anything nefarious? Some are black and some are pink.

R58, blood glucose levels.

Does it pair well with ham and mayonnaise salad … with cheddar Combos as croutons?

It’s all the rage with the girly girls now, R58.

I will taste test and get back to you, R60.

I’ll stop at nothing to make my customers happy.

Chrissy Metz Does Napa -- the newest in [food] porn.

Le Vernis de Chanel, now with added blood sugar!

This woman needs to hide in a bunker until the pandemic is over.

mmm, 'S Wine!

It was not a fart r38, just some air trapped on the skin folds

[quote] Founded by beloved American actress Chrissy Metz, a guiding principle in the creation of these delightful wines was her inspirational philosophy that “it’s only after we fill our own glasses that we’re able to pour unto others”.

Her cup runeth over

Is it cheaper than Yellow Tail? Because ... fuck.

Ok I don’t want to make a separate thread about this so bear with me on this…

I don’t car for the fat jokes but seriously she gives me head scratches. Not because of her weight, but because the way she came out and was supposed to lose weight then we never heard about that again.

Fine. No big whoop. But she is just astronomically large but she seems so serious all the time. I should be fair, I’ve never seen her in anything but I don’t know. Domes she have a sense of humor? She’s no Melissa McCarthy.

It’s the Christian thing really though.

I was routing for her because it can’t be easy but I think the Christian thing and then the weird projects and the wine thing now I’m not so sure. I wish her luck. But not sure what to think.

[quote]Domes she...?

Well she's shaped like one.

[quote] I don’t car

You don’t car, but she dump trucks.

[quote] I’ve never seen her in anything

Because nothing can contain her.

Music, a clothing line, wine — what area will she expand into next?

My guess is Glendale.

Live • Laugh • Love • Lard

Fat is her brand.

Much more work for me!

R70 I'm just going to peremptorily 'oh dear' you in advance here, should ever post again, anywhere.

R38 A joyful fart?

[quote]Do you think she could help me with my Reeses problem?

Didn't the divorce solve that, Ryan?

The chablis has subtle undertones of hamburger meat, German chocolate cake, pimento cheese, and underboob sweat.

Should do very well.

It's a Sachertorte, r81! Austrian, not German!

She’s going to need something to support her, other than a reinforced concrete bench, when her show ends. There’s not a lot of demand for a two ton Tessie.

R4- You are delightful. Come sit by me!

Does she personally crush the grapes?

Great, more "celeb" wine. Do people not understand that this isn't actually wine at all? This dreck is chemically formulated to always taste the same, like Cupcake or Franzia. No nuances due to vintage, storage, etc. It's not wine. It's a modified grape beverage. That said, I wonder how much it takes to get her drunk. She'd probably die of acid reflux before getting a buzz. At least giuliana Rancids "skinny serving" wine made sense. It was awful but it did have a gimmick with the individual portions.

[quote] The chablis has subtle undertones of hamburger meat, German chocolate cake, pimento

Sometimes during the wine making process, scraps fall from Chrissy’s dress into the wine.

R38- How big is this panic room?

We just received a shipment from Joyful Heart.

[quote] How big is this panic room?

120 sq. ft. — it’s a tight squeeze but Chrissy makes it.

[quote]I guess her planned partnership with Peloton fell through.

Only when she stood on it.

I did accounting work for Joyful Heart, but she was eating into the profits.

They did let me taste the wine, and it was full-bodied.

Chrissy took me out for lunch at McDonald's. On the way out the numbers had been changed.

The company sent out a Christmas card by email, and it's still printing.

Unfortunately Chrissy couldn't maje it to the press conference, so they had to do a rollout.

“it’s only after we fill our own glasses that we’re able to pour unto others”

I'm glad she settled on "Joyful Heart" as "Early Signs of Heart Failure" was wordy.

Would try! Her winemaker is just a freelancer but she might know a thing or two about wine? It's a resume of a self-styled expert with experience. Fine, it's like that Cupcake stuff.

I'm confused by the pitch. Is she a bon vivant now? Maybe she should just lean into being a full bore gourmand.

Winemaker Nicole

[quote]Chrissy took me out for lunch at McDonald's. On the way out the numbers had been changed.

At least she didn't get stuck in an arch like Liz Taylor.

I imagine this tastes like Stella Rosa swill.

I can’t wait for everyone to taste my Mooooscadet.

In addition to the wine company, could we also launch Chrissy into orbit?

We’re going to need a bigger boat!

In space, no one can hear you chew.

100 likes? Her 15 minutes are done.

The panic room can only accommodate me , R88.

It’s only large enough to accommodate a walk-in freezer, a Continental refrigerator, a full sized kitchen, a pizza oven, an Alaskan king sized bed and a screening room.

That’s me Chrissy at R105. Sorry, I’ve been in the wine and forgot to sign.

You could have just left a hoof print, Chrissy.

R73 that's the funniest fucking thing I've read on the DL in a long, long time.

She needs to outsource the grape stomping, she just caused an earthquake in LA.

You can buy Chrissy's vine in barrels, the biggest one is anatomically correct

WINE ENTHUSIAST: "It has a heady bouquet deep-fried catfish with hints of Little Debbie brownies with sprinkles, Entenmann's, with strong hints of bacon grease and thick, juicy hog jowls."

She shouldn’t be drinking with her fatty liver disease.

Will she follow up with a line of cheese?

burp.....I mean bump

I keep imaging Chrissy in the opening credits of Falcon Crest now.

Or at least Fresno.

I went to search for the infamous (and DL iconic) video of her being fed into a car at the airport to make a joke about it and the bitch had it removed.

It is GONE from YouTube.

Chrissy's new wine variety.....

A1C

How many carbs in her wine?

We know she's a big eater but I wonder if she's a big drinker.

There’s a video in this link R117

This fat fuck is dismissive and rude at the airport.

"Roll out the barrel! And we'll have a barrel of fun!"

Wait, so the poster child of the "Health At Every Size" movement is so fat she can't walk through an airport?

Shocked and stunned.

Much obliged, R121.

The video is here too.

Allegedly “a knee injury” necessitated the wheelchair, although it was thought she was recovering from gastric bypass surgery.

If it’s the latter, she should have sued the doctor.

I've long suspected she's a bitch in real life. I've read two blinds items to that effect. She seems very phony when interviewed to me.

Gravy Chablis

Marie Callendar Merlot

Porky PInot

Sugar Beets Bordeaux

R13 If she wants to feed the needy she should just share some of her pie with them. It's Sally Struthers 2.0

She needs to get Orson Wells as the spokesperson.

That poor woman that had to push her fat ass through LAX.

Clarified Butter Chablis

Chicken Fried Chardonnay

With those floral print dresses she winds up looking like a morbidly obese Kate Middleton.

Pork Rind Prosecco

Ranch Rosé

So the opposite of Skinny Girl

In all seriousness, is this the celebrity label people were waiting for? I can't see this blowing up, but then fraus are weird. It could catch fire on Pinterest or something.

Blame it on the wine.

Cabernet Ribeyegnon

[quote] With those floral print dresses she winds up looking like a morbidly obese Kate Middleton.

Yep. She has very frauey tastes. I've said before she looks her best when she goes full Divine.

Fat Shame Chablis

Chublis

Fat Sauce

She needs this dress in a variety of jewel tones.

This was definitely he stylist's doing. Left to her own devices and she's a mess. This kinda makes it work.

How much would she get get paid for this? I doubt she's actually "launching" a wine company in the sense that she's doing anything of substance other than lending her name to the story and eventually to the marketing. Maybe she doesn't take much upfront at all, but also doesn't have to risk that much money, and if it becomes a hit based on her name, then she'll get a bigger payout.

Which begs the question: who'd want to be associated with her? Does she have a big frau following?

This Is Us is a pretty big TV show, and the story of her character battling her weight and also just her being fat in real life probably resonates with a lot of women. Flip side, women who are fit or women who "hate their bodies" might be turned off. Though there are many other reasons not to buy a Chrissy Metz wine - mainly that there's a million other wines already, many good.

I can't see any man - straight or gay - ever choosing to buy this and they wouldn't be a marketing consideration.

[quote]How many carbs in her wine?

Who's counting? Not Chrissy!

[quote] I keep imaging Chrissy in the opening credits of Falcon Crest now.

As Angela Channing's old rival, Alotta Waite.

“I’m not like a person who can drink like a bottle of wine at a time. I really enjoy it with delicious chocolate or cheese”.

Her “I’m just like you” marketing pitch to the fraus.

"I really enjoy it with delicious chocolate or cheese”.

i.e. a five-pound bag of peanut M&Ms and a block of Velveeta.

[quote] I really enjoy it with delicious chocolate or cheese

We believe you, Chrissy.

R145 Huge, tremendous, massive.

Available in ice cream stores everywhere.

“it’s only after we fill our own glasses that we’re able to pour unto others”.

I always book the same flight as Chrissy, because she can be used as a flotation device.

Does she step on the grapes herself?

It even has its own theme song...

"Not-So-Tiny Bubbles (In The Wine)"

She's hellacious on a flight. She likes to throw her weight around.

They made her pay for 2 seats - in 2 different cabins.

By the time the service cart got to my row, they were completely ot of everything.

She used the restoroom on the left side of the plane, and we landed in Cleveland instead of Pittsburgh.

[quote]This Is Us is a pretty big TV show,

It would have to be...

I watched the video of her at the airport and I didn't think she was the least bit rude. The worst thing she did was not sign one autograph, and that was likely because she didn't want to get stuck there doing it for others. She even thanked the woman who pushed her fat ass around in the wheelchair.

Is her wheelchair required to say "Wide Load?"

R160 = Chrissy Metz

[quote] The worst thing she did was not sign one autograph, and that was likely because she didn't want to get stuck there doing it for others.

We have to keep in mind that in being stuck in a tight situation, for her it’s often literal. The Jaws of Life is her must-bring travel item..

R156 She sits on them. This is big business.

[quote]Is her wheelchair required to say "Wide Load?"

I'm pretty sure it beeps when she's backing up.

I wish once the woman pushing her saw the cameras called a coworker and the two of them pushed it together.

I wonder if she's aware of Datalounge.

[quote] I wonder if she's aware of Datalounge.

It doesn't have a snack bar, so I doubt it.

It would be nice if she saw her threads on DL so that she could learn how people view her obesity and then maybe she would want to change.

She must've gotten a Google alert for here.

Poor Chrissy thinks “skin contact” is what happens to her thighs when she walks from the car to the golf cart on set.

[quote]I wonder if she's aware of Datalounge.

In fact we received a letter from her attorney this morning demanding that this thread be deleted, as it is a violation of her Hippo rights.

Muriel, I would demand that you and all posters on this thread be sent a case of wine in consideration of taking this thread down.

And not the Joyful Heart crap. We want the good stuff.

Girl's got a head for business.

And a body for vin.

And a snack purse that is the equivalent of a 55 gallon steel drum, R174.

Let's just politely say she's a bumper crop.

Chrissy relayed that she got a little tipsy and was like, “Oh, I don’t know if I’m equipped for this!”

No worries as like a Weeble, she may wobble but won’t fall down.

Fun Fact: Chrissy can play the keyboard. With her tits.

Chrissy played the keyboard with her tits at my house, but it was a one-note performance.