How do you feel about your reflection in the mirror...be honest

Honestly? I feel just like Bette Davis in "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" when she takes a good look at herself in the mirror . . . and screams.

I see too much of a certain parent creeping through in my features and I hate that.

But I have enough of the other parent to be proud.

It confuses me. I photograph like the devil. When I look in the mirror it's not nearly as awful. Does anyone else photograph worse than they look in the mirror or is it me deluding myself?

Once I turned sixty I realized it's best not to look too closely

Throwned is my favorite new word. Good thing you're handsome because you're a fucking idiot.

I'm like you, R3. When I see myself in the mirror I think I'm OK looking. Not handsome but pleasant looking. But in photographs I always look hideous.

Mirrors lie. Photos don't. We see what we want to see when we look into a mirror.

From yesterday's NYT: Why Is It OK to Be Mean to the Ugly?

I see my double-chin. I used to be lantern jawed. Had killer symmetry. Now my angles are disappearing. Oh well. Better to have had it once upon a time...

[quote] Throwned is my favorite new word. Good thing you're handsome because you're a fucking idiot.

If it wasn't for throwned, I would have given it 2/10.

I'm attractive enough to attract the people I'm attracted to, but not so attractive that people hate me for it. It's a good balance!

throwned is nice. it's a typo, but it's a keeper

OP = typical Datalounger who's 52 and thinks he looks 25.

[quote] but not so attractive that people hate me for it.

Thats a real downside though. I don't like myself so much, I don't care about my looks (even though I would hate to lose them). I'm more of a young Tony Perkins type, and my idea of beauty is more like, Chris Pratt. But people haven't been nice to me, let me tell you. Oh, can we talk ? I've had a lot of "with your face, you don't expect us to be nice " I like average guys. I like chubs. I don't look for beauty in a man, it's not a turn on for me

Mostly I just cry and wonder if I was Hitler in a past life to deserve this shit. Then I get drunk.

It depends on the lighting. I've taken some accidental selfies and was horrified. Other times I look good enough to delude myself that I still have my looks until I see a photo someone's taken and I have to face the fact that I'm old.

I want to run away in horror. I’ve always hated my reflection. Teams meetings make me depressed.

[quote] When I look in the mirror it's not nearly as awful. Does anyone else photograph worse than they look in the mirror or is it me deluding myself?

This would be me also! When I look into a mirror I am okay with my face and hair, then I see a photo of myself and 9 times out of 10 I am horrified. I am not exactly sure what it is. I will also note that I also look horrendous on Facetime.

[quote]How do you feel about your reflection in the mirror...be honest

I'll let you know. If I ever actually look in one again.

I looked great until my 30s, pretty good till mid 40s. Slipping in 50s. I did nothing to preserve or earn good looks. Now, at 70, I just try to make myself presentable. It's all vanity anyway, and in the end, if you live long enough - old.

I recall the review of Ava Gardner's autobiography where she stated the saddest day of her life was when she looked in the mirror and realized she lost her looks/beauty to the aging process.

I've been a vegan for decades, I don't drink/smoke, I've trained all my life with enormous discipline, I had great skin and a terrific body to start with, but I'm very surprised at how good I look in my fifties. Also I have a full head of hair and that makes a difference. But in the end, I think it's just luck, because I eat tons of carbs too and have a messy sleep schedule, and it doesn't show. I have a very firm jawline, and no skin care routine. I haven't hit the gym since last year, and my body hasn't changed. It's nice to look good when you're not young anymore.

I now use all my Vaseline on my mirror to ‘photo grease’ my look.

When I was younger, I turned down so many opportunities believing that I would be young forever. What a mistake, never enjoyed a lasting relationship. The one's I was interested in already had a partner. CeraVe and witch hazel has helped keep my face wrinkle free.

R22, on behalf of all of us, shut the fuck up.

[quote] When I was younger, I turned down so many opportunities believing that I would be young forever.

Well, that's a problem I don't have

[quote] Does anyone else photograph worse than they look in the mirror or is it me deluding myself?

(Raises hand!). ME!! My gods, my pics look awful (not my pecs, those are decent!). I rarely see a picture of myself that doesn’t make me cringe.

[quote] on behalf of all of us, shut the fuck up.

Oh, let him go on and on. He obviously needs to (try to) arouse envy from strangers on DL.

I haven't seen myself in a mirror in what seems like ages.

No, I just want an exchange . it's an interesting subject. As a matter of fact I too don't photograph very well. I look much better IRL. And being remarkably good looking isn't all peaches and roses. most people think I'm a pretentious asshole, and I'm not. But I've been put on a pedestal or hated with a passion all my life, of course it's fucked up

I know what you mean, OP. Some days I look a lot like my old self (maybe I'm happier or more rested) and then I'm gratified all over again to have been genetically-gifted with good looks. It's not like I got all the great cards in life--far, far from it. I envy people with loving families, long-term healthy friendships, Ivy League educations, wealth, etc. Good looks is just one card that life deals you and since nobody gets all good cards, OP, you're right to treasure it.

I think I look fine in the mirror and I am ALWAYS surprised by how hideous I look in selfies. It’s the camera - distorts my face. Nose looks bigger and face looks longer. Apparently it has created a plastic surgery industry - people who don’t need work done but think they do because of selfies.

A beard- as long as you can grow a full one - hides a myriad of sins.

R3 / R6 I have a friend who is the exact opposite. In photos, her face is beautiful; she takes a beautiful picture. However, face-to-face she has large moles covering her face and is not attractive in the least. It's amazing.

I think my reflection now, in my EG years, is hideous. It must be true - we get the face we deserve.

What I see in the mirror isn't pretty, but the Zoom screen is much worse.

I hate myself for being too pretty and people don't take my intelligence seriously. MEH!

I was cute as a toddler (Who wasn’t?), hideous as a teenager, and I had a brief window (mid-20s to early 30s) when I looked decent and occasionally almost handsome.

Now I’m in my mid-60s and I’ve been somewhere on the plain-to-ugly spectrum ever since.

Main reason I gave up on the apps is that a pleasant, decent photo of my face simple cannot be taken. It does a number on your psyche.

I look in the mirror briefly before leaving home just to make sure all the parts are in the right place. One glance in the mirror per day is more than sufficient.

^^^ simply, not simple

[quote]I've been a vegan for decades

Exciting.

OP you sound like real goddamn treat.

I love myself! I wouldn't change a thing!

I see a sexy teenager.

I have a winning personality.

Who told you that, Jan.

It's too bad I can't lose some weight because I have such a pretty face.

I try to avoid mirrors now.

I look in the mirror and ask who's that? I got old.

R21 raises an important point. Even the beautiful eventually succumb to the aging process. No amount of surgery can make you look 25 again. After a certain age, it's more about your character than your looks. I also only look in the mirror to make sure I look presentable.

I try not to dwell on it too much ……….

I always tell people to try flipping their image and telling me if they still think they look great since THAT is what other people actually see.

Most people are freaked out by it.

I felt unfuckable and ugly in my 20s. Now I’m near 50, and see a cute sexy guy in my old photos. That is sad to me.

Didn’t get much action back then. Now I’m grizzled but comfortable with myself, I’m having more sex now then I did in my cute 20s.

However, I look like a hideous troll in pics and barely ok in the mirror.

When I look at my reflection in a mirror, I end up the way Vivien Leigh does in "Ship of Fools."

When I see my reflection in the mirror I say-

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!

I think, too fat. Too jowly. Too pug-nosed. Too bulgy-eyed. I look like a Seuss character and all the worst features like the weird eyes nose and teeth just seem to be getting bigger. Somehow my head is getting smaller too so it's more bug-like than before.

Sigh. I'll go get the paper bag.

r50 do you mean reversing the image?

I was pleased with the way I looked before I got COVID. I'm not saying I was beautiful or gorgeous, but just pleasantly attractive. I come from a long line of family that lives to be over 100y/o, so I had that going for me. My family doesn't age rapidly.

But COVID ruined my skin. I'm 67 and didn't have a wrinkle (good genes) and now my skin is so dry it just flakes off, no matter what my doctor and I have tried. The skin on the inside of my arms is all wrinkled now, and it wasn't before. Same with my legs. My skin is so dry that it burns. I love drinking water, so dehydration isn't a problem. I'm slowly taking off the 20 lbs that I gained, and I'm afraid that it will result in even more wrinkling.

I think I aged about 20 years during COVID, and I'm still dealing with long-COVID symptoms.

As for photos, my sister was an absolute beauty, but she didn't photograph well at all.

OP is lit-rully Rob Lowe's Parks & Recreation character.

All I see is the remnant of my peak beauty. Which was movie star looks. I'm not bad now. Just sadly pedestrian, at least compared to what I was not that long ago.

I was always plain looking and learned early in life that I’d better offer more to the world than looks. My brother was always “the handsome one”, but our Dad says that I am the one people remember. I feel bad for people who were once super attractive, and then one day simply average. That must be a hard identity to let go of.

My bathroom has really good lighting, so I actually look healthier in the mirror than I do in daylight or office lighting. I know that.

Who was being quoted in OP’s post?

I'm fine with mine, mostly. I gained a ton of white hair in my beard this past year. I'm still working on my beard shaping with the dramatic color change, decided to trim it back a lot. Otherwise I'm astounded that I didn't lose any hair or gain any wrinkles. Even on my darkest dissociative days of 2020, when I couldn't even get off the couch, I would ask my husband to bring me a large bottle of water and my Oil of Olay. Now that I'm starting to socialize more in a city I just moved to pre-covid, I'm glad I kept up.

I was really good looking and I knew it to some extent.. Now old, I look pretty good for my age except for jowls and droopy eyelids. The jowls really bother me. Sometimes I’ll take a brutal selfie just to horrify myself. I had a good run though.

R7 not necessarily true, why do you think there is a word called "photogenic", I definitely look better in photos than in life or in the mirror.

I think you guys are really fantastic. honest contribution and all. What surprises me is how many men feel bad about their appearance, when in fact , they 're super sexy/attractive . I've had lots of hook ups who spent half the action apologizing or complainng about their looks ( I usually offer a full massage before sex, I love to give a good massage). R51 =typical example. I'm glad you're easier on yourself now, and you probably are a cute sexy older guy, even if you don't see it.

I've quoted this before... Barbara Stanwyck in The Thorn Birds: Inside this stupid body, I'm still young!

I remember her delivering the line and thinking silly old lady. And now I understand. I'm sure many writers have captured it too but it seems to me one of the life lessons you actually can't learn until you're living it. On in this case, looking at it.

R60 I'm still wondering that. If only we had knowned who said that.

Those of you who have had looks and (to a greater or lesser extent) lost them are lucky, as a poster said upthread. I have a facial deformity which has had a huge impact on my life.

"Because of the proximity of your face to the camera, the lens can distort certain features, making them look larger than they are in real life. Pictures also only provide a 2-D version of ourselves. Depending on your features, if you have a soft, round face, photos can flatten your features and further distort the "real" you. "

That's me... soft, round face, so feeling less ugly than at the start of the Google.

And more of the same.

Girls, we're all reasonably not that ugly!

Sexy fucker!

OP, no one will ever love you as much as you love you.

Another reason people may look better in the mirror is that they have learned over time to immediately self-correct when looking in a mirror - straightening their shoulders, adjusting the tilt of their chin, etc. So they’ve improved their actual appearance before their eyes and brain process the image. With a camera, especially if it’s not a selfie, you don’t know exactly what angle the photo is being taken at and you can’t control the presentation. So, in that sense, the camera is more honest. But this effect is probably outweighed by the other ones listed in the linked articles.

Friends of mine who are people of color have also mentioned often that they hate being in group photographs because of there are white people in the group, the lighting is almost always adjusted to flatter them leaving the dark-skinned people to be on the receiving end of harsh, unflattering photographs.

I use to hate to look in the mirror so much that I avoided them at all cost. From 22 on I gained weight from eating, drinking, and a feeling that I was fat and ugly so what did it matter. But at 40 I was overweight. My doctor told me I was developing high blood pressure and pre-diabetic conditions. He wanted to give me pills. I hate pills. So his next option was changing my eating habits and exercise. So I buckled down and started working out every day and eating only healthy food. By the time I was 45 I had lost 80 pounds. But my face also seemed to stop aging- I don’t smoke, drink or sit out in the sun. So even though I still have a distance relationship with the mirror I now see a healthy man who is aging well. I think I look better looking at 56 than I did at 30. The caveat is that I got more tail as a large man at 30 than a healthy man at 56. Oh well!

Well, I just looked. I think I shall resist the surgeon's knife for one more year.

The quote is from that actress who played the old Lady in Titanic, the stupid who drops the diamond

R56 It's been said that experiencing COVID ages a person 10 years.

I could have written R37 word for word.

I only look in a mirror when I have to, and even then I cringe every time. I hate having my picture taken, and I have been photo shopped out of group photos which confirmed that I was REALLY unattractive. That is not an exaggeration; I've been cut out of pictures because - I'm guessing here - I ruin the pictures.

I have a partner of many years who loves me and says he thinks I'm still attractive, but while I am appreciative of his thoughts, I don't think he's particularly objective.

I'm at an age where I really shouldn't give a shit, but my looks still bother me, and it's gotten so bad that I hate going out of the house. Doesn't help that I live in a community with a large number of gays. They tend to be judgemental. And good looking.

Here's a really silly thing: I'll never ever be cruised again in my life. Silly but depressing.

I already have a therapist so I'm working on it.

Never been cute….never been handsome……and I am glad……when I meet someone …the relationship that evolves usually isn’t based on superficial looks ….it’s based on who I am as a person…my core values….my humor….my accomplishments…. that is what they are drawn too.

R79 that's what I find attractive too

I think I look great. Then I put my contact lenses in and recoil.

My looks ran off with CoViD and severe depression.

That said, I’ve heard inner rumblings suggesting that my looks are about to make a comeback!

Not my 20something looks, mind you, but my middle aged looks, which are just fine.

A little bit of filler, some Botox and a regimental skincare routine, eating properly, and exercise will do wonders.

But honestly, for me? I have to find a place to live where I’m completely alone and 100% independent again. Living where I currently live and being surrounded by a bunch of unhealthy and highly judgmental people has been a very negative experience for my self perception of myself and my self confidence.

Yes, I have plenty to fix and take care of regarding myself and my mental health, etc., but it’s REALLY difficult to care about yourself and feel confident when you are constantly belittled and mocked by people who are allegedly supposed to care about you and love you.

I’ve learned my lesson. NEVER, EVER expect even a modicum of care from assholes who are allegedly family and/or friends. It’s about how you feel inside or in my case, a memory of how I felt inside before I exposed myself to unnecessary BULLSHIT, when attempting to finally feel loved and acceptable by my family.

It really isn’t about how we look. It’s about how we feel inside as we glance into our own reflection.

Like mirror reflection, don't look the same in photos. I read that once you hit a certain age, you see yourself in a mirror as ten years younger.

I would do him.

Have you had your thyroid checked R56? An underactive one can dry the hell out of your skin. Aveeno is good too, I just slather it on after every shower.

[QUOTE]Friends of mine who are people of color have also mentioned often that they hate being in group photographs because of there are white people in the group, the lighting is almost always adjusted to flatter them leaving the dark-skinned people to be on the receiving end of harsh, unflattering photographs.

That does happen but it's never intentional.

R73, Darker-skinned people need more light on them. There's a whole history (which I think is fascinating) and science behind it in the film and photography industries. Also, the camera has a lot to do with it as well, or rather how well the camera is able to harness light. Cameras weren't as good as they are now a decade or two ago. There's more dynamic range with most of them these days so it's easier to photograph a group of people with different skin tones and adjust it later.

Even if you're not a person of color, try looking at a photo of yourself from a modern camera phone now vs. the 90s, 80s or earlier. You'll probably notice more depth and a range of tones now in a photo than you would looking at photos from before then. If you were olive or darker skinned and you didn't have enough light reflecting off of your face then, it was easy to become washed out in old photos.

So if you're ever photographing a group of people together of different skin tones, it's still good practice to put anyone darker skinned closest to the light source.

R85, R56, My derm also swears by CeraVe products. Yes, they're cheap but apparently they weren't joking when they said dermatologists recommend it because it's good.

I don't feel great about my reflection. I rarely look in the mirror. I know I'm ugly. I've been called ugly all my life.

Seeing myself on Zoom made me face reality that I had gained way too much weight while lying to myself that I looked fine. Since I was working from home I started working out every day. My partner had done most of our cooking pre-pandemic since he got home earlier, and he’s never met a stick of butter he couldn’t use, so I took on more of our cooking and we both lost weight. The key is keeping it up now that I’ll be back to the office ….

[quote] Darker-skinned people need more light on them.

So, sunlight is racist?

I'm ugly, ugly, ugly!

When you think that Robert Mitchum's face completely melted in his sixties, it puts things in perspective. He still had the mojo (BDE?) and was cast as romantic leads for another 10 years, I think. A person can be attractive from the inside, a kind of strength and self-acceptance plus intelligence that shines through. R54, I'm sure it's not that bad. My jaw line melted (hence thinking about RM), but I don't think I look like the Scream mask--at least not yet!

Now that I'm in my dotage sometimes I look in the mirror and kind of see my paternal grandfather.

R50, it's the image in the mirror that would need to be "flipped" if you want to see what other people see. We see ourselves reversed in the mirror, but the camera sees what others see. (Think about the expression "mirror image.")

I had not much been on video conferencing before last year but seeing myself on it actually makes me happier about how I look. Especially surprising since I've gained 5-10lbs over the last while, and I was already 5-10lbs heavier than I'd have wanted to be.

I am 46 and I can tolerate myself in a mirror with soft lighting, but in photographs I am Jabba the Hutt. My worry is that I already feel this way now - so how bad will it be when I’m 66? I shudder to think.

OP, this was a such a concern of mine two years ago that I started a thread (link below).

Nowadays, I think: "Maybe I look better in motion." Isn't it preferable to pleasantly surprise people when they first meet you, instead of disappointing them because you don't look as good as your photos?

In the long run, a lovely personality wins because it can last a lifetime. Beautiful people who never learn to cultivate inner beauty have nothing to fall back on after they lose their looks.

I’m 36...

Let’s just say I get more looks my way when wearing my mask.

R98 most people were more attractive with masks on lol

At my age I only look in the mirror to shave and then only from the nose down.

R99 I noticed that too. When the masks came off I got to see noses again and so many of them are not pretty-

[quote] and he’s never met a stick of butter he couldn’t use...

R88 then stop buying butter, use margarine instead or olive oil, and something tells me it's not him, you just love butter!

It's how my reflection feels about me that I'm worried about.

With a little bit of lighting I actually like my reflection in a mirror and look younger. It is when I have the full light that it shows my wrinkles and I feel I look older than my years.

Have you tried looking into the mirror in complete darkness, R104?

The point went over your head R105. Everything has to do with lighting.

I'd say everything has to do with bone structure, but I'm stuck in that loop.

The illusion can be manipulated R107. A little contouring with makeup and a woman can seem to have good bone structure.

[quote]The point went over your head R105. Everything has to do with lighting.

It was a joke, R106.

R3, that’s me. I am happy with the way I look, but when I see myself in a photo, I cringe. Is that what other people see?

WHAT reflection, OP?

When I see my reflection, I see a very old, old man, but that's alright, I look like my father so it makes me very happy.

[quote] Every day, I have the same sense of bewilderment, it 's been over thirty years and never gets old. I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror, and I think to myself, "wow you're are REALLY handsome". It's just me being honest about the subject. I'm always a bit shocked. I don't feel it, even though I've been a model, I've had tons of privileges , free things and jobs throwned at me all my life, because of my looks. I don't like myself personally, but I even age really well. So strange

OFFS, troll deluxe. And not in a handsome way. Just look at yourself. Your face resembles a sebaceous cyst.

Take a sheet of paper cover one side of your face. You will find you have a young and an older side. For me my right side is older. It is amazing the illusions mirrors and cameras present.