Tasteful Friends I present to you the Darth Vader House

God, it really is.

Luke, I am your crash pad.

Am I being Freudian or does slide 29 seem kinda hot?

$49,000 RE tax per year to fall on your face going up and down all those fucking mini-stairs.

My God, the whole house is a dare. If I was rich and I hated someone who was blind and alcoholic? I’d move them into this house.

It does look a lot like a future crime scene. Murder, I'm guessing.

The inside reminds me of a cruise ship.

you could not pay me to live in this place.

Apparently, color has been banned to the outside (only the balcony has any color whatsoever and even that is poorly done).

How many kilos of cocaine were snorted in here in the 70's and 80's?

God this shit is so over the top and gaudy - so Texas. And those jagged unfinished countertop surfaces? WTF?

I could not sleep in any one of those bedrooms -- too open and exposed, too much light. The person who designed and decorated this house is a narcissist. The house should be called "Future Crime Scene."

Hard pass. It looks like a shopping mall. The kitchen is stuck in the 1980’s

Looks like a "student centre" on a small college's campus. Central atrium needed 2 stairs? Also like a mall. It needs a coin fountain.

Looks more like a Unitarian church in some self-conciously modern suburb.

the bedrooms seem OK but the main floor is filled with off shapes and angles and only some if could be fixed through renovation. It seems like an unlivable abode.

I could see Brandad Ickson living there.

Just needs a disco ball and a bunch of Gay guys on X and we're ready to par-tey

The only room I would last longer than 5 minutes in is the bedroom at Pic 32. The yard's nice.

The neon makes the main room look like the lobby of a cruise ship.

Does it come with an assortment of leather gear?

It looks like someone designed the inside of a house to look like (suburban Chicago) Woodfield Mall. HIDEOUS.

R3 is right! You'd never make it from one room to the next without falling down and spilling your drink.....like those old commercials.....for Open Pitt Bar B Que Sauce.....

I always knew Houston was a city without zoning laws.

It's owned by a plastic surgeon - Dr. Jean Cukier. I wouldn't go near that man with that taste. And now the woman's face sculpture in the living room starts to make some sense.

Dumb question - is all of the furnishings part of the staging? I think it is. It's awful.

Where is a Death Star when you need one?

the joke is on the evil, coke out bastard that commissioned this house because it ain't going to sell.

That oddly-shaped stall shower looks like something you'd find in a Motel 6.

The interior resembles that of the terminal of a regional airport. For a town you cannot wait to fly away from. That main floor master bedroom, with the huge mezzanine makes no sense and would not be conducive at all to a good night's sleep, unless you're pretending your flight's been cancelled and you've been forced to overnight it in the airport terminal.

While indoors it's a mess, I actually like the exterior. I wonder why there are no photos of the garage, or whether the garage is attached or separate. There also doesn't seem to be much in the way of any landscaping.

There have been many falls with all of those mini-steps in that house. Lots of falls.

The house looks even less impressive on Google street view.

^ That looks awful, so dark and foreboding

In the listing, they want you to know they’re taking the art AND the FACE with them.

What’s the point of trapping a blind alcoholic in that prison without the face? “Feel the face, Helen. Yeah, that’s the size of normal people’s heads. You’re a pinhead, Helen. Have another drink; the bar is two steps up and then three steps across! Bwah hahahahhaa!”

Well we know the house is tragic. And now here’s Dr. Jean Cukier:

Looks like some place that Fred & Wilma would live in if The Flintstones were wealthy.

I also notice it's on the corner of University and Speedway Blvds. - a rather busy intersection with a traffic signal. (I notice the listing also warns, please be aware of "No Parking" signs on the streets.

The energy bill will probably be high. The aerial view shows what looks to be FOUR large air conditioning compressors out back.

And no swimming pool? Maybe one of the neighbors will let you use theirs.

Hate it. Hate hate hate. It’s like living in a hotel for expensive hookers.

I am struggling to find any redeeming qualities in this house. The demented conversation pit looks downright dangerous for 90% of the population on this planet. The fact that a plastic surgeon lives here by choice was a revelation as you could describe the interior as an upscale medical facility.

I have lived with internal windows and unless you are focusing direct sun or moon light to a specific space I don’t think I’d recommend having the bother of cleaning them, particularly in a bedroom which calls for darkness and privacy!

The ragged kitchen counters are a head scratcher. I have had wooden counters with carved edges. They are a cleaning problem. This house looks like a nightmare to maintain.

I kept waiting for the windows to show me why they are there, such as a jaw-dropping view. Didn’t read the agent’s description—does the glass have a privacy mode or something beyond daylight tinting? Very very expensive to keep this house cool.

[R32] i'll save you the time; There are NONE.