I wish I had known Bernice. She is like the crazy-assed aunt I never had.
I’m having a Bernice weekend.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | March 13, 2021 8:28 PM |
Phyllis, the bees are coming! Where are Dick and Dick?
by Anonymous | reply 2 | March 13, 2021 9:23 PM |
She was hilarious.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | March 13, 2021 9:53 PM |
I fancy myself as kind of a Bernice Clifton lite.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | March 13, 2021 10:34 PM |
Bernice would be cancelled in about two seconds these days. But I remember my older sister and I just loving her as children.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | March 13, 2021 11:06 PM |
Black Man! Black Man! I’m told Your Lives Matter.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | March 13, 2021 11:22 PM |
I loved the apartment episode where Bernice tried to spur Julia into a fist fight. Then later in the evening tried to engage everyone in a game of Indian leg-wrestling.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | March 13, 2021 11:57 PM |
id rather watch hours of bernice clifton than just about anything else.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | March 14, 2021 8:21 PM |
I’m watching DW this afternoon for comfort
by Anonymous | reply 10 | March 15, 2021 7:48 PM |
R10 bumped this thread because someone started a GG thread that was getting more responses.
DW fans are petty, insecure bitches.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | March 15, 2021 7:56 PM |
Jack. Jack, no take back!
by Anonymous | reply 12 | March 15, 2021 8:34 PM |
Senior Roundup was the best damned skit ever.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | September 3, 2021 3:41 AM |
Reality is a sucker's game. Mama don't play that.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | September 3, 2021 3:46 AM |
[quote]I loved the apartment episode where Bernice tried to spur Julia into a fist fight.
"Let's take it outside. I've wanted a piece of you for a long time. I'll cut you!"
by Anonymous | reply 15 | September 3, 2021 3:49 AM |
Arterial flow problem above the neck
by Anonymous | reply 16 | September 3, 2021 4:20 AM |
Her voice always cracked me up
by Anonymous | reply 17 | September 3, 2021 4:24 AM |
Why did Perky only appear one time?
by Anonymous | reply 18 | September 3, 2021 4:34 AM |
R15 😝 the episode where they all spend the night in Carlene’s (Jan Hooks) new apartment in an Atlanta ghetto neighborhood is one of my favorites! Bernice is pissed off because she can’t sleep topless and has to spend the night on a lawn lounge chair. Plus the hotdogs and everything else reeks of Carlene’s homemade potpourri.😆
by Anonymous | reply 19 | September 3, 2021 10:01 PM |
Plus Carlene offered Julia a drink in a toothbrush cup that she "warshed out real good."
by Anonymous | reply 20 | September 3, 2021 10:11 PM |
Bernice wants to beat the shit out of Julia while spending the night at Carlene’s new apartment.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | September 3, 2021 10:13 PM |
I loved when she was briefly a therapist when trying to steal Julia's white mammy's husband's file.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | September 3, 2021 10:20 PM |
Hello! Boogershakers!
by Anonymous | reply 24 | September 4, 2021 2:13 AM |
Black cock! Black cock!
by Anonymous | reply 25 | September 4, 2021 4:06 PM |
The first joke made me laugh...
by Anonymous | reply 26 | September 4, 2021 7:58 PM |
[quote]I wish I had known Bernice.
Not sure how you would "know" a fictional character.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | September 4, 2021 8:55 PM |
R27 she was real in my mind.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | September 5, 2021 12:26 AM |
Calling all cars! Calling all cars!
by Anonymous | reply 29 | September 5, 2021 12:51 AM |
Black man! Black man! Where have you gone to?
by Anonymous | reply 30 | August 7, 2022 9:27 PM |
Baby Suzanne: That's my car! That's my car!
Baby Bernice: Not any more!
by Anonymous | reply 31 | August 7, 2022 9:33 PM |
I know You're from America, aren't you?
by Anonymous | reply 32 | August 7, 2022 9:34 PM |
The episode where. Bernice is working the fast food drive-thru is gold
by Anonymous | reply 34 | August 7, 2022 9:44 PM |
Bernice: Julia, tell me, you're really kind of the Madame of Sugarbaker House. When you first get a new client, what really titillates and excites you?
Julia: I would hardly use the word "titillate".
Bernice: That's not a nasty word, is it? I think it's ok, just don't shorten it.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | August 7, 2022 9:50 PM |
Bernice: Now I understand that Anthony's role is to solicit business for all of you. Charlene, now let's just cut through the decorating scam. How many treats do you turn a week?
Charlene: Treats?
Anthony: I think she means “tricks”.
Bernice: That's right. How many?
Anthony: Excuse me, Mrs. Clifton, but I think you have us confused with the next segment. We are decorators.
Bernice: Oh sure. Everybody has to have something to fall back on. Now, Julia, let's talk about some of those bedrooms you've done -- and the people who've slept there. Just how comfortable did you make them? When we come back, Charlene and Julia -- the girls of decorating, and Anthony, the man who drives them.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | August 7, 2022 9:59 PM |
"Titillate". That's not a nasty word, is it? I think it's ok, just don't shorten it.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | August 8, 2022 11:40 AM |
Oh just get out of here you crazy fools!
-Bernice working the drive thru at Burger Guy
by Anonymous | reply 38 | February 9, 2023 9:43 PM |
I really need to finger bang my box tonight!
by Anonymous | reply 39 | February 10, 2023 12:28 AM |
it's square fish Phyllis!
by Anonymous | reply 40 | February 10, 2023 12:39 AM |
Ok, I’ve got to go now. You’re tying up my line.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | June 8, 2023 3:55 PM |
Anthony was Bernice’s illegitimate son
by Anonymous | reply 42 | June 8, 2023 5:20 PM |
I think Bernice and I have a lot in common. We’re both nuts.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | September 8, 2023 12:15 AM |
Let’s recreate Bernice’s one episode cable access talk show - Senior Roundup!
by Anonymous | reply 44 | September 8, 2023 12:19 AM |
I’m firing on all cylinders tonight!
by Anonymous | reply 45 | September 8, 2023 12:59 AM |
I wish I had my own public cable access show circa 1990. It would be very similar to the one Bernice did only mine would be gay.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | December 14, 2023 5:09 PM |
Incoming! Incoming!
by Anonymous | reply 47 | December 14, 2023 5:09 PM |
I need some Bernice today. Too much tragedy in my life as of late. Some wacky Bernice antics are what I need
by Anonymous | reply 48 | June 7, 2024 10:26 PM |
[Quote] Ok, I’ve got to go now. You’re tying up my line!
Lmao!!
by Anonymous | reply 49 | June 7, 2024 10:27 PM |
Great stuff and the laughs are so helpful as we watch our beautiful democracy turn into trumpocracy-thanks Bernice
by Anonymous | reply 50 | June 8, 2024 2:43 AM |
Bernice: I turned down a guy recently, and six days later he died. You can't let them hang on the vine too long at Leisure Land.
by Anonymous | reply 51 | June 8, 2024 9:44 PM |
Carlene: WHERE'S YOUR OVERNIGHT BAG?
Bernice: I DON'T NEED ONE.
I HAVE MY PAJAMA BOTTOMS ON
UNDERNEATH MY CLOTHES,
AND I DON'T SLEEP IN A TOP.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | June 8, 2024 9:53 PM |
Bernice: I'M SORRY I'M LATE,
BUT I COULDN'T RESIST GOING TO ONE OF THOSE BARS
AND SEEING WHAT "LIVE, TOTALLY NUDE" IS ALL ABOUT.
Mary Jo: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WENT IN THERE EITHER.
WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?
Bernice: LISTEN, SISTER, I'M NOT TELLING.
IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT,
GO IN THERE AND PAY 17.50 FOR A BAD MAI TAI
AND THEN WE'LL TALK.
by Anonymous | reply 53 | June 8, 2024 9:55 PM |
Julia: OH, NO. SHE'S IN THAT BELLIGERENT MODE.
LET'S DON'T ENGAGE HER.
Bernice: HELL, I DON'T WANT TO BE ENGAGED TO ANY OF YOU EITHER.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | June 8, 2024 9:58 PM |
Bernice: OOH, DEAR ME. WHAT IS THAT AWFUL SMELL?
IS SOMEONE SPRAYING FOR BUGS?
Mary Jo. NO, ACTUALLY THAT IS HOMEMADE POTPOURRI THAT CARLENE MADE.
JULIA WON SOME AS A DOOR PRIZE.
Bernice: WELL, YOU SHOULD TAKE IT
AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
IT STINKS.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | June 8, 2024 10:00 PM |
Carlene: I GUESS I BETTER PUT THOSE HOT DOGS ON.
Bernice: I DIDN'T COME ALL THIS WAY FOR SOME DAMN HOT DOG!
Julia: BERNICE, I THINK YOU'RE BECOMING A LITTLE ABRASIVE.
Bernice: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
IF YOU WANT TO MESS WITH ME,
LET'S JUST TAKE IT OUTSIDE.
Julia: YOU'RE LOSING CONTROL OF YOURSELF.
Bernice: NO, I MEAN IT. LET'S RUMBLE.
I'VE BEEN WANTING A PIECE OF YOU FOR A LONG TIME.
Anthony: NOW BERNICE, CALM DOWN.
Bernice: DON'T MESS WITH ME, MANDINGO.
I'LL CUT YOU!
by Anonymous | reply 56 | June 8, 2024 10:03 PM |
Bernice: HEY, STUFF, HAVE YOU INFLATED MY MATTRESS YET?
Anthony: BERNICE, MY NAME IS NOT STUFF,
AND IT IS NOT MANDINGO,
AND I'M NOT INFLATING THIS MATTRESS FOR YOU.
IF YOU WANT TO SLEEP ON A MATTRESS, START PUFFING.
Bernice: ♪ BLACK MAN, BLACK MAN
♪ WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?
Anthony: ALL RIGHT. YOU JUST STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.
I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | June 8, 2024 10:07 PM |
Bernice: ARE WE LEAVING?
Anthony: YES.
Bernice: GOOD. I'VE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
FOR SEVEN HOURS, BUT THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER THERE.
JUST MORE OF THAT DAMNED POTPOURRI ON A ROPE.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | June 8, 2024 10:10 PM |
Titillate
by Anonymous | reply 59 | June 9, 2024 2:52 PM |