Ways in which you resemble Joan Crawford

Drunk.

I'm a cunt.

This pandemic has me missing slapping people.

Also, I can never have too much scouring powder or Smirnoff.

"I could no sooner leave a bed unmade than I could fly to the moon.”

Let me count the ways...

R4 Yeah. I like my closet to be orderly.

I also have some resentment about the Academy Awards.

I have a sharp tongue, biting wit and know revenge is a dish best served cold.

I can HANDLE the SOCKS!

NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!!!!!

This isn't my first time at the rodeo.

Drunk, hissy-fits, ole poosie, tease the menz, curses, arrogant, crave attention.

Please. Miss Linz would be lucky to be compared to Miriam Hopkins.

I wear ankle strap shoes to the beach

Always thought I resembled Bette Davis more in most ways.

I move the tree when I'm mopping the floor.

Actually, I don't use wire hangers thanks to her. The advice stuck with me because of "Mommie Dearest," and then I read in some books about men's style that she's right, they are not good for nice clothes.

i have a serious skin care regimen i adhere to when i wake up at 4 a.m. (okay a couple hours later, lol!), and i also wear face straps when i sleep to keep my face youthful and wrinkle free (okay, i don't, but even if i did, like crawford, they wouldn't work!)...

Paul Newman did the same trick she did of plunging his face into ice water every morning, so i wonder if that works,.

Look, R18, either you do or you don't. Either you are or you're not. And if you don't and you're not, then WHY did you waste our time with that inane post?

I have a thing for Douglas Bareflanks Jr.

R19... i actually do that every morning and right before bed when i wash my face, i rinse with hot hot water and then immediately splash splash with ice cold water.... don't know if it does anything, i just like the feel of it all...

That's not plunging your face into ice water, now IS it, R22?

I was also born in 190?, as Wikipedia puts it.

Once, while being interviewed for Redbook, I had a drunken fight with my adopted whore of a daughter and broke a lamp.

I scream at people and tell them they’re UNDER reacting.

We adopt orphans and are a total bitches.

We both marvel at Alfred Steele’s huge donkey balls.

R23, not it's not ice water, but it's pretty damn cold....and perhaps the fact that i do this very cold water, RIGHT AFTER, very hot water, makes it even more dramatic than if i had just used ice water yes?

I tear down bitches of bearing walls and put windows where they ought to be.

[quote] [R23], not it's not ice water, but it's pretty damn cold....and perhaps the fact that i do this very cold water, RIGHT AFTER, very hot water, makes it even more dramatic than if i had just used ice water yes?

No.

My hole's been used and abused as much as La Crawford's.

Is your life a continual psychotic break, R29?

Both Crawford and Newman literally kept ice in a freezer to put into their water in the mornings and then plunged their faces into it.

I dated Trog too...

[quote] I dated Trog too...

You consider masturbation to be dating?

I have pretty high cheekbones. Even when I gain weight there’s still hollows.

I'm mad at the DIRT!

I'd rather take in Franchot Tone than washing.

Well done, R36!

I, like Crawford, was ridiculed in this industry behind my back.

My favorite thing to say at work...”Don’t fuck with me, fellas!”......

Disdain for Norma Shearer.

Like Joan, I, too, am known for my delicious meatloaf.

Trog kind of made me want to give up, too. Just watching it in my case, but still...

My best friend is gay, too.

I had "the buckle" (my back teeth removed) to make my cheekbones more prominent.

I go drunk driving along the California coastline and regularly wake up bloody, bruised and robbed at a truckstop motel after entertaining random gentlemen.

I'm a mentally unstable hag who have no business raising children.

I call my pool boy "Mamacita."

I don't use wire coat hangers.

I like to be sharply dressed.

I have beautiful eyes.

That's about it.

R13 Miriam Hopkins was a staunch Democrat and FDR supporter.

Steak medium rare, please! 🥩

I believe that flirting " can be taken the wrong way."

I have commanding eyebrows and I go way over my lip line with the pencil and lipstick.

We shared the pain of having an ungrateful blond slut for a daughter.

^ blonde. And bleached at that.

I know where to get the booze and the boys !!

It was Christina who knew where to get the booze and the boys, not Joan.

I had the booze delivered.

I lost my contract and now I'm an independent.

I am Hollywood royalty!

I stole my daughter’s job when she was in the hospital.

I've Reno, I've been through Beverly Hills.

I have a decent ancestor whose name was Lady Joan Crawford.

I have OCD

Love the booze and the boys, when younger (if that counts).

I loathe children, and when I see Phillip Terry on screen, I want to order him up to service me.

Eyebrows only.

Coke is way better than Pepsi. Pepsi is too sweet.

R34, Newman and Crawford PUT ICE IN THEIR FREEZERS? LITERALLY? The audacity of both...

Anyway, I'd totally mentally abuse my children if I had any. Since I don't, I just transfer that intense, internal anger toward you bitches!

I can handle the socks.

I don’t like women

We're both born in the USA

I have a foyer with stone flooring and a big potted tree. I usually do most of the house work, but asked my husband to vacuum and mop the floor, he obliged. I pretty much reenacted the scene from Mommy Dearest for my own amusement, it went over his head and I was laughing hysterically...obviously I'm hard up for entertainment.

Evil queens are always spreading lies about us.

R19 I've done that and it's a bracing way to wake up and it does tighten your skin.

[quote] I can handle the socks.

But you clearly can't read a fucking thread, R69

We both fought worse monsters than you for years in Hollywood and know how to win the hard way. We both reminded them that the press we delivered to their lousy company was our power. It’s a sword that cuts both ways.

I’ve actually used these quotes before in business meetings and got what I wanted- without wearing the mink hat.

I have plastic slipcovers on my sofa. But I have sex unprotected.

R75 has fought worse posters for years on Datalounge and knows how to win the hard way!

I, too, am not acting.

Are you Keanu Reeves, R79?

I draw on my eyebrows with a Sharpie.

Perino's is MY place!

I'm pretty handy with an axe and have several pair of "fuck-me" pumps.

I, too, keep vodka in my boudoir freezer.

I want to slap Christina, and choke her too.

We're polar opposites. I would have loved to have hired her for a cleaning lady.

I have a weakness for Spanish sow-sage.

Every man wants to fuck me.

What R10 said.

I bring all my new tshirts to my tailor to have him sew in rigid, larger than life shoulder pads.

I too was horrified at my last public photo and and have holed up in my Manhattan apartment while rejecting all social invitations.

I share no, absolutely no similarities with the late Joan Crawford and anything to the contrary are downright FUCKIN LIES YOU GODDAMNED NASTY LITTLE HOMOSEXUAL BOYS!! I portrayed Miss Crawford in a movie many years ago and for some reason people like to project her characteristics onto me YOU FUCKIN CUNTS, LETTUCE IS TOO GOOD FOR YOU, YOU'RE GETTING THE CUP OF PISS!!!!

I was married to a Northwestern grad.

Yes, r91, Joan saw the press photos from an event given for her friend Claudette Colbert at The Rainbow Room the next morning and never appeared in public again. She was no longer "Joan Crawford" and could no linger hide it.

Similar to Dietrich's final years. She could no longer maintain the illusion of "Marlene" so she retired to her Paris apartment and never left.

[quoteYes, R91, Joan saw the press photos from an event given for her friend Claudette Colbert at The Rainbow Room the next morning and never appeared in public again. She was no longer "Joan Crawford" and could no linger hide it.

The event was for her friend Rosalind Russell.

I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt!

I went in drag as Joan Crawford to a Halloween party in the early 80s, complete with hanger. My ex-BF went as Christina. This was a large party of mostly gay men at the University of Chicago. Sadly, there are no photos to preserve the sight.

I too have cancer.

[quote]I went in drag as Joan Crawford to a Halloween party in the early 80s, complete with hanger. My ex-BF went as Christina. This was a large party of mostly gay men at the University of Chicago. Sadly, there are no photos to preserve the sight.

I did Crawford in 1983-5 in Tampa at the El Goya. Two numbers. "Sisters" with me in a wheelchair and another queen as Bette Davis, and "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" with Christina (a'la Radner's Judy Miller) coming up from the audience to tip me and then I beat the shit out of her including a can of Comet. We even closed the first show a few weekends.

Also, sadly no photos to share.

r99 Probably for the best that there are no photos

Oh ouch, R100. Guess I've been put in my place by an overweight basement dweller with Cheeto-stained fingers, a sour-smelling tee shirt and skid-marked boxer shorts.

I stand corrected, r95, you are entirely right. Russell, not Colbert. My bad.

I write thank you notes, in my own handwriting. I send them via mail.

Every waking--and sleeping--hour of the day, I AM A STAR.

I write thank-you notes for thank-you notes.

I'm a busy, BUSY bee. 🐝

I would rather be here with you, on DL, than anywhere else in the world.

I call my German personal maid Mamacita.

To this day, I cannot tell if Norma Shearer is talking to my breasts

or to Roz Russell's ass

I tell fellas not to fuck with me!

I make work meetings real dramatic

I would be a rotten parent. Thank God I never adopted any thoughtless, selfish, spoiled children.

"thoughtless, selfish, spoiled children"

Redundant phraseology.

[quote] I went in drag as Joan Crawford to a Halloween party in the early 80s, complete with hanger. My ex-BF went as Christina. This was a large party of mostly gay men at the University of Chicago. Sadly, there are no photos to preserve the sight.

As I was reading this and I got to the word "sadly," I thought for sure it was going to be followed with something like, "everyone at that party is now dead." I'm glad to see I was wrong.

Well, I thought I was a dead ringer for Joan since one of my friends said I reminded him so much of Joan.

But then it turns out he was confusing Joan with Broderick.

I used to work behind the perfume counter at Black's.

[quote] Both Crawford and Newman literally kept ice in a freezer to put into their water in the mornings and then plunged their faces into it.

R34 And they're still dead.

I am not suited to motherhood.

The EYEBROWS

Joan wore a cheap looking wig at her last public appearance. Otherwise, she didn't look bad.

Her last photo session (1975).

Engraved stationery. Always and forever.

I was her assistant, she was my mentor. I emulated her. One of my duties was providing the booze and the boys for the board meetings.

I'm box office poison.

R124 You and me both.

We both approach yard work with zeal and enthusiasm !!!

We both talk on our fancy telephones while soaking in a tub.

I live in the Imperial House.

My hip flask is always empty at the most inconvenient moments.

Before Pepsi she said she loved Coca Cola.

And then RC Cola.

I have hot sex in the shower with hot daddies like Steve Forrest.

I can be a cleaning freak. But I would never wash my face with Ajax. She must have had some real abuse in her life to manifest it that way.

I work at McDonald's and was named Employee of the Month for March 2022. I feigned sickness and didn't pick up my certificate.

When I lay on my back, my tits point up, and I'm a man.

After the help has signed their NDA, I beat them with wire hangers.

My eyebrows are severe! And they mean it!

I know where to find the boys and the booze.

An underprivileged child that had to teach herself everything to inhabit a world she didn't belong to.

Fuck off R139. Joan was never helpless. Move the fucking vase!

R140 don't project your bullshit on others.

Having to teach yourself everything is anything but being helpless.

I once remarked to a friend, both of us fans of George Cukor's, "The Women", "It'll be out tomorrow, Mrs. Prowler".

I had folie de grandeur. Now I send it up in myself and mock it in others but I still think there is a perverse honor in it. It's a misstep in bootstrapping.

I want to beat the ugly out of Christina.

I have “Joan Crawford is box office poison!!” tattooed on my ass.

I too was told by my mother that I knew where to find "The Boys AND The Booze!"