A Very Datalounge Film Noir Festival

I am Noir Alley.

We need something featuring heterosexual actors Raymond Burr and Lizabeth Scott!

Neo-noir suggestions are also welcome. What Datalounge film fest would be complete without these?

INTERNAL AFFAIRS (Verhoeven, 1993) Gina Gershon stars as a sexy gynecologist who kisses and kills her patients.

DURRELL INDEMNITY (Wheatley, 2019) In this remake that nobody demanded, Henry Cavill and Armie Hammer star as zzzzzzzzzzzz

Kinks For Twinks - Kevin Spacey stars as an actor whose obsession for young boys leads him down a dark path. Directed by Bryan Singer, score by James Levine

CHERYL (1944) - Gene Tierney, Dana Andrews, Clifton Webb, Vincent Price. Police detective tries to solve the mystery of an enigmatic woman who leaves the smell of death and decay behind her everywhere she goes.

Scarlet Tweet - A corrupt president (Alec Baldwin) who loves social media is placed in jeopardy when his wife (Laura Benanti) plots his death

Out of the Past Hook-ups I Regret

[quote]straight-laced

Oh, dear.

Scarlett Street - Senator Lindsey Graham (Leslie Jordan) who thinks he's a Southern Belle, is put in grave danger as he looks for love in all the wrong places

The Postman Always Pings Twice:

Hugh Jackman and Rami Malek fall in love and plot to kill Hugh's much older, ugly wife (Glenn Close.)

Uh, that was a pun, R8. Yeah, that's the ticket.

r10, can we get Deb to play the older wife role instead of Glenn?

Out of the Ass - Datalounge's fart troll (DJ Qualls) is led down a dark path by a mysterious homme fatale (Julian Morris)

Rock Bottom (1948) - Van Johnson plays a world-weary private eye who has strange yearnings for his wife's mysterious nephew (Farley Granger), who may or may not be a murderer. Featuring Clifton Webb as Professor Bois and Raymond Burr as Ren Topping

Undercover Crap

KISS ME AND HIM AND HIM DEADLY (Robert Aldrich, 1954) A young man down on his luck (James Dean) is taken in by a charming older man (Alan Ladd) who offers him love and security with one condition: an OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

Cast a Giant Shadow of a Doubt

Chrissy Metz plots to knock all of the Mean Girls who wouldn't let her in their clique.

Kiss Me Dudley

I Cover the Datalounge - a fat, lazy cop has to monitor a forum he hates, but finds himself falling in love with all the trolls, played collectively by Richard Widmark in drag.

THE SEVENTH VERIFICATIA (Robson, 1943) In his screen debut, Marlon Brando plays a naive young man investigating his brother's disappearance in a surreal world of satanic fitness models.

Satan's Preacher (1950, directed by Edgar G Ulmer) - not-so-holy preacher Pastor Davey (Dane Clark) gets away with his wife's murder.....only to find her haunting his nightmares for all eternity

CRISS CROSS-DRESSER

Double-crossing, double-dealing, and confused pronouns abound in this gender-bending heist thriller starring Bea Lancaster, Danielle Duryea, and Ivan DeCarlo!

It's nice that all of your selections are colour-blind friendly.

We, the Jury - a group of dataloungers decides who should go to prison, based on their own personal whims. Based on the novel by Mickey Spillane.

Chris Cross - an eldergay starts a bunch of threads on forgotten singer Christopher Cross, then goes on a rampage when no one responds to them.

No Way Out - a racist, conservative anti-masker gets coronavirus and freaks out when his doctors turn out to be black, Asian, and Muslim

Miss Thang Goes to Washington.

The Sous Chef Killing - a soft butch sous chef (Dorothy Dandridge) plots with her better half (Hattie McDaniel) to rob lonely "lifelong bachelors"....but it all goes terribly wrong. Co-starring Farley Granger as their mark and Dana Andrews as the cop who doggedly pursues them.

Forced Entry- This was Neely O’Hara sole entry in the Noir genre. In this potboiler she plays the sexpot daughter of a murdered millionaire magnate. She vamps the private detective (Tony Polar, on fire) hired by her stepmother played with venomous abandon by Helen Lawson. The scene where Neely and stepmother Lawson have a claws and all cat fight in cocktail ensembles while a frustrated character douses them with a garden hose is a highlight. There’s a couple of great songs too! Neely’s big ballad moment singing. “Force me to love you” as she torches her stepmothers house to the ground is a triumph and Tony Polar swings with his rendition of “No Entry Allowed” set in a prison.

Ivana Live (1948) - a first daughter (Ann Blyth) who is put in prison for shady financial deals protests the unfairness of having to share a jail cell with the little people. Co-starring Marjorie Main as her cell mate "Big Bertha" and Lon McCallister as her slightly fey husband, Jared, who tries to free her from the pen. With Edmond O'Brien as the warden and Richard Basehart as her defense attorney, who succumbs to her feminine wiles

Gone Gurl - a lipgloss and Prada Dallas queen (William Eythe) decides to flee the country and live underground, hoping his partner (John Hoyt) will be charged with his murder. Co-starring Raymond Burr as a hard-bitten detective determined to find the truth. Directed by Fritz Lang.

TOUCH NOT THE CUNT (1944) — When a bitchy tabloid columnist (John Hodiak) is found dead in his tasteful Manhattan apartment, suspicion falls upon his assistant (Audrey Totter), who is forced to team up with an unsavory private eye (Leo G. Carrol) as they go on the run among the "pansy set" in Greenwich Village to find the real killer.

THE DAMNED DON'T CRY (1950) -This film was loosely based on the Virginia Hill/Bugsy Siegel story. Joan Crawford stars as Ethel Whitehead, a woman from the wrong side of the tracks, who uses gangsters to transform herself into Lorna Hansen-Forbes, a prominent New York socialite. One of my personal favorites. It's part formula Crawford melodrama & part Film-Noir. We get to see Joan looking fabulous & delivering some very snappy dialogue, all while working her way through (hunks) Richard Egan, David Brian, Steve Cochran & Kent Smith. A fabulous movie from beginning to end!

Oh Fuck! I posted and then realized that this was a spoof thread! LMAO

THE PASTAMAN ALWAYS DRAINS TWICE (1952) — George Nader stars as a cook in an Italian restaurant who runs afoul of the restaurant owner's coarse, wealthy wife (Barbara Payton). After he rebuffs her advances, the restaurant owner (Vito Scotti) is found stabbed with the cook's own knife, and he has to prove his innocence with the help of a sympathetic "lady lawyer" (Ida Lupino).

To Bea or Not to Bea (1955) - Bea Arthur as a torch singer who falls for notorious gangster Raymond Burr. Co-starring Thelma Ritter as Bea's wisecracking best pal.

The Maltese Caftan.

For your consideration:

DOUCHE OF EVIL: Charlton Heston in brown face as a Mexican sheriff and Janet Leigh as his white zombie wife are caught in a terrible trap by Orson Welles as an evil fat man. With Marlene Dietrich, for some reason. Welles blackmails Heston's character with photographs of James Franciscus and Heston in compromising positions and stories about Heston's kidnapping of young teen boys for nefarious purposes. Taken from true stories.

ASS-FAULT JUNGLE: Fucked-up jewelry heist attempt serves as a reason to marvel at the early Marilyn Monroe's lack of acting finesse amid her breathtaking charisma. Also, audiences are given yet another opportunity to wish Sterling Hayden was still in his 20s, as he dies bottoms-up in a cow pasture.

PISS ME DEADLY: Dangerously toxic remains of drug-infused golden showers distilled from the leavings of H-bomb-test soldiers from the bathhouses of L.A. are kept in a sealed valise as the McGuffin of this Robert Aldrich noir. The main thrust of the film is the desire of viewers to see more of Ralph Meeker's hot body and to be treated to multiple doses of his powerful inseminative antidote.

I wanna see Douche of Evil and Piss Me Deadly

The Big Bromo

(Featuring Fante & Mingo's surprise bareback, flip-flop!)

Slightly Scarlett - The wheelings and dealings of a senator by day/Scarlett O'Hara impersonator by night

White Adjacent Victory - Lea Michele is a young heiress who battles terminal brain cancer as she struggles with the question of Jewish racial identity.

CHINABOYTOWN. Hint: He's his sister, his brother, his daddy and his son, depending on the mood in the house at any particular moment. PS: As in the 1974 film, the only Chinese characters are a butler and a gardener, but in this movie they got a lot more exposure.

The LadyBoy From Shanghai - featuring Orson Welles as a drifter who falls for a lady......who's hiding a big secret

FARTGO: Notorious neo-neo-neo-noir scatfest. Man go up in the man after Tuesday chili special in a Dakota town. Terrible consequences result. In an irrelevant subplot, the plain, one-note, hambone wife of the director pretends to be pregnant as a cover for her bulimia and terrible breath.

The Big Streep - A mysteriously overpraised actress leaves behind a trail of stalled acting careers as she stalks the streets of Hollywood sucking up all the oxygen.

THE THIRD THIRD MAN: Bel Ami noir set in Vienna but recorded in Prague. Confusing orgies conducted by seemingly identical twinks uttering the same grunts and "ooo aaaah" as the fuck and are fucked. The plot centers on one inert bottom studlet about whom viewers are left to wonder if he's dead or just stoned. Spoiler: He's alive and stoned.

PINK FLAMINGO ROAD: The dirtiest band of porn actors In the world, led by a chub bear drag performer with Groucho eyebrows, set up their trailer in a pissant Southern town and trigger an STI epidemic that takes out the closeted social leaders and politicos of the shithole. Joan Crawford is heard singing in several scenes, for some reason.

FLAMING-GOGO ROAD (1949) - Raymond Burr stars as a cheap carny strongman with a heart of gold. When the carnival hits San Francisco, Burr forms a "special friendship" with an up & coming City Councilman, Farley Granger. Granger's "benefactor/campaign manager" (played by Clifton Webb) immediately disapproves and seeks to ruin Burr. Webb eventually has Burr locked up for disorderly conduct, during the raid of an all-male "convention party" at a local hotel. Watch as Burr claws his way back as the creator of a successful men's fashion line, along with new partner (in every sense), Cesar Romero. Ultimately becoming The Toast of San Francisco! But will a still seething Clifton Webb finally take down Burr once and for all?

Both the Flamingo Road takeoffs are hilarious. Hats off to you!

The Grifters - This neo-noir chronicles a family of grifters, known as The Trumps

The MARY! Falcon (Huston, 1941) A crew of tough dames clash over a monogrammed figurine. Starring Mary Astor, Mary Wicke, Mary Brian, Mary Carlisle, Marie Windsor, and Elisha Cook Jr as Marty.

BLACK AND WHITE HEAT: This tour de force from 1950 shows a pocket-gay racist Cagney eventually getting gang-banged by a mult-racial group in prison and converts to bbc rapture. Famous for its final scene, with an eager and coke-crazed Jimmy perched about three erect bro cocks and shouting "Top of the world, Ma!" as he pushes down and explodes in ecstasy.

RAW DEAL (1948): No description necessary.

THE NAKED CITY (1948): No description necessary, except that it appears to be a city where only men reside.

R43, don’t bother with the sequel, The Two Joels. It’s a tepid rehash of similar plot points (“He’s my nephew! He’s a wrestler!”)

Only worth watching for Mitzi Gaynor’s cameo in yellowface as Chinese madam “Lhasa Apzo”

BOOTY HEAT (1981): This neo-noir entry from 1981 shows a ready-for-his-dangerous-moment William Hurt when he was still cute succumbing to the heat from a hot blonde scallawag's booty. Eventually he breaks a window to get at it, and to keep in it he makes a lot of mistakes. Eventually the booty moves on for parts Latino, leaving our hero in a prison of masturbation.

You are so right, R56. A real wilter. And, really, I think Nanette Fabray, originally cast in the Mitzi role, would have brought much more creepy depth to those five seconds.

PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET (1953): No description necessary, except the theft of a wallet containing only condoms, which required the victim to go bareback, was an early result of PrEP-type medications.

DIAL M FOR MURDERING THE SCENERY (2021) - neo film noir starring Glenn Close as the aging, perpetually overlooked actress facing retirement after a last gasp for awards glory. She plots her revenge on her biggest rival and critic Meryl Streep, who has built an undeserved reputation while chewing through scenery in performances from A Cry In The Dark to August:Osage County. When Meryl finds herself alone in Connecticut for Christmas Glenn takes the opportunity to arrange her MURDER. Co-starring Alan Cumming as the bitchy elder gay sidekick and Mamie Gummer cos M insisted.

The Strange Loves of Mrs. Danvers, the prequel to "Rebecca" about a panty sniffing darkly dressed housekeeper who had a thing for ladies underwear. Even the nuns at the Convent of St. Claire weren't exempt from her nose up their habits.

[quote]Double-crossing, double-dealing, and confused pronouns abound in this gender-bending heist thriller starring Bea Lancaster, Danielle Duryea, and Ivan DeCarlo!

I hear Steven Soderbergh is working on a 21st century update to star Elliot Page and Nico Tortorella. Working title is Bottom and Clyde. You can guess who's the bottom.

Shadow Of A Peach - Timothee Chalamet plays young Charles and Armie Hammer is his Uncle Charlie.

DIAL "G" FOR "GREASE FIRE" (1947): Robert Morley, Sydney Greenstreet, and Laird Cregar star as three vicious rival restaurant critics, all suspects in the poisoning death of a fourth (E K. "Cuddles" Sakall).

LA BUTCH NIKITA (Besson, 1990) A sexy government assassin (Gina Gershon) engages in a game of pussy and mouse with her hands-on CIA handler (Angela Bassett.) But betrayal is inevitable after they both flirt with the Secretary of State (Bridget Fonda.) Featuring Mel Gibson, James Wood, Russell Crowe, Sean Connery and Alec Baldwin as people who are killed slowly and horribly.

The Meth Dealer Always Rings Twice - Seemingly heterosexual newscaster Chris Burrous (Steve Carrell) is lead down a dark path by mysterious stranger (Ben Affleck)

Where the Wild Twinks Are—Iowa farm boys runs off to the big city and vanishes. His hunky older brother searches for him and learns some shocking truths. Starring River and Joaquin Phoenix with special appearances by Joey Stefano and David Geffen.

WHEN A STRANGER CALLS—three Washington DC housemates blame the murder of an overnight guest on a mysterious intruder. Hercule Poirot is having none of it.

NO MARITAL AID OF HER OWN: Barbara Stanwyck stars as Clit Torres, a woman on the lam after being caught shoplifting a ribbed vibrator from a sex shop. While escaping from the police, she’s run over and knocked unconscious by a Good Humor Ice Cream truck. The driver, Chris Ceaux, portrayed by Sterling Holloway, takes pity on her and brings her back to the basement of his widowed mother’s house. The mother, Lube, (Thelma Ritter) dislikes her at first, but then they discovered the joys of double ended dildo lust. They decide to open up a sex shop in the basement, but it means having to bump off Chris. If they make it look like an accident, they can use the insurance money to open up the sex shop. So they hatch a plan.

[quote]Barbara Stanwyck stars as Clit Torres

Some cool lesbian needs to rename herself "Clit Torres."

GARGOYLE ON THE THIRD FLOOR (James Franco, 2018) A rising blogger (Tom Holland) becomes obsessed with a convicted killer (Timothée Chalamet) who swears the murder was actually committed by a mysterious woman (Bai Ling) seen on a rooftop. With Zac Efron as Detective Spanker, Kevin Spacey as Momma, and Selena Gomez as the voice of the girlfriend in Canada.

(Note: we will not be showing the director's cut, which consists mainly of tiresome, dimly lit footage of James Franco "simulating" sex acts.)

This thread is hilarious. My favorite one this month.

It’s almost as good as the Jennifer Aniston thread.

In a Chunky Place - a morbidly obese eldergay (Stephen Fry) meets a twink hustler (Tom Holland) on grindr. After falling for him, the eldergay begins to suspect the twink might be a mass murderer

Narrow Margin - make up your own plot and I'm sure you will!

Kiss the Blood Off My Manicured Hands: 27-year-old nurse Kaitlyn (Jennifer Aniston) shelters a dangerous fugitive (Paul Rudd).

ACE IN THE HOLE (Wilder, 1951) In this gritty crime drama, Kirk Douglas is a diamond smuggler with an unusual method. With Gloria Grahame as a "Lady G-Man" and Farley Granger as a very thorough customs inspector. (Remade in 2012 as a Matt Damon vehicle, WE BOUGHT A ZIRCONIA.)

MOMMA ON THE BEACH (1955) — When Momma attempts to mend her ways by taking a beach house, she quickly falls under the spell of younger sailmeat (Richard Egan), who makes her mussy squirt like a sea urchin. Little does she know the scam has been set up by the elderly couple next door (Charles Lane and Marion Lorne).

GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK ROAD. Tensions run high as farmboy turned “houseboy” (Louis Partridge) adjusts to life in the Hollywood Hills with his Sugar Daddy (Elton John, in his dramatic debut) while attempting to learn whether his predecessor (Shawn Mendes) really went back to the howling old owl in the woods or met a more sinister fate.

Pee Pee Girls Gone Wild at Mar-a-Lago.

Double Dicks In Me - Troubled L.A. street hustler has a 3-way with Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe

Will there be awards at this festival or the selection honor enough?

Border Incident 1949 - dir. Anthony Mann

Mexican and American federal agents tackle a vicious gang sexually exploiting illegal farm workers in southern California. Pablo Rodriguez (Ricardo Montalban) is a government agent trying to get the goods from Juan Garcia (DL fav James Mitchell). Howard Da Silva, Arthur Hunnicutt, and Sig Ruman just like to watch.... to watch.

NIGHTMARE ALLEY (Tarantino, 2019) A faded actress (Kirstie Alley) falls under the spell of a sexy younger man (Danny Masterson) she hires to write provocative tweets that she believes will make her relevant again. Her delusions deepen after surviving a diabetic coma brought on by a fettuccine binge, in which she has a "vision" of a cosmic being (Tom Cruise) who calls her to found a new religion. With John Travolta as "Max" and old footage of Leah Remini as "Dark Thetan."

R82, it is honor enough just to be inseminated.

Preferably by a step-son.

GELDA (1946): Johnny falls for Gelda, a pre-op transgendered chanteuse in a club run by her daddy, Munsdon. Johnny starts to work for Daddy and gets "involved" with him, as he treats Gelda like shit. But when a jealous Munsdon goes after them both, Johnny admits his trans-phobia and finally accepts Gelda for who she is.

Famous for Gelda's big number, "Put the Blame on Lucy for 'Mame.'" (This replaced an earlier, problematic "Put the Blame on Maim," after international protests.

BUCK ANGEL FACE (1952): With Robert Mitchum as Frank, a former race car driver, Jean Simmons as Dion, an heir to a fortune who seems to be lacking something Frank really wants, and Otto Preminger as "The Director," a creepy bald voyeur who seems to arrange the characters like the producer of a sleazy porno with moody lighting. When he finds out the Dion used to be Diana and that he has a Daddy issue, Frank goes back to his old boyfriend Maury. Dion will not be stopped. In the last scene, Daddy is gone and in a shocking change of casting Jean Simmons is replaced by Gene Simmons, and Frank climbs aboard once Dion proves that his enormous tongue is matched by enormity elsewhere. In the end, Frank and Dion really fall for each other in the worst way.

THE PIG HEAT (1953): Sexy young thug Lee Marvin likes it hot and steamy, but after he gets bored with splashing it into the face of his girlfriend (Gloria Grahame) he decides to go after a guy with a reputation for dirty messing around with handcuffs (Glenn Ford). Marvin and his Sketchy Sex Gang do terrible things to Ford but in the end it's Marvin who gets a full choking spray of hot stuff right in the kisser as he shrieks in ecstasy. Four Oinks for Pure Pigginess.

GOOD FOR NOTHING (1979)- Pia Zadora stars as a hooker turned fashion designer who fights for respect as a corrupt CEO played by Ernest Borgnine exposes her lurid past thrusting into scandal and disgrace. Until she takes back her life as Madam of the most exclusive call girl service in Beverly Hills.she goes to task by seducing, blackmailing and incriminating rich and powerful men like James Franciscus as the President, Klaus Kinski as the Count, Laurence Olivier as the King and Orson Welles as The Big Guy. Then, one by one her girls are stalked and killed! She must take martial arts training to avenge them! It all ends with Pia oiled and nude fighting for her life against a cadre of ninja assasssins.

"Will there be awards at this festival or the selection honor enough?"

We can cobble together a jury of "DL fave" celebrities. I don't think Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer are too busy at the moment...

He Tricked By Night - Richard Basehart plays "The Grindr Killer" who lures hapless men to their doom through a hook-up app. Until hard-bitten detective Harry Dick (Raymond Burr) finally catches his man.

I Married My Step-Son!

Starring queen of Film Noir Gloria Grahame

DANK PASSAGE: Escaped-con-on-the-run Humphrey Bogart is picked up by a hygienically-challenged artist played by Lauren Bacall. Bogie plans to get plastic surgery while on the lam, but his face literally melts off due to the fumes from Bacall's lady parts. A plastic surgeon gives him a new face, but when he goes to confront the murderer who framed him she sees his new face and is so repelled she leaps out a window. Bogie has no choice but to begin a new life as a llama in South America.

A PLACE IN MY BUNS- A low level Datalounge poster (Jim J. Bullock)) sets his romantic sites on the mysterious "Muriel" (Billy Porter) only to discover she has set her sites on him. In the climactic scene nobody climaxes.

SUDDEN FAT (1952) Orson Welles plays a rich but shy playwright who becomes entrenched with a perhaps dangerous actor he once fired (Kirk Douglas). When the actor pledges undying love the playwright goes on a celebratory eating binge. Gene Kelly is the trim “good time guy” who sneers at Douglas’ new love and urges him to force feed the writer to death so they can share in the riches.

I preferred the sequel Sudden Fat 2: The Fattening, with Marlon Brando

THE CAFTAN KILLERS (released in the UK as "Caftans at Midnight.") The members of a coven of retired warlocks are being found murdered, one by one, in Wilton Manors. Starring Jayne Mansfield and Anton LeVey.

MIDNIGHT LACEFRONT Effervescent Kay Kendall tries her hand at drama playing a downlow transvestite passing as female. When s/he begins to receive obscene phone calls threatening to expose her true nature and extensive wig collection, ambassador husband Laurence Olivier poo poos her mounting concerns. Featuring Danny Kaye as Kendall’s shifty hairdresser.

DIAL M FOR MURIEL - A brave webmaster (Lena Dunham) believes her subscribers are plotting to kill her. Don't miss the harrowing climactic scene in which she must defend herself from Russian trolls using only a pencil.

KNOCK OFF ANY WHORE: Sick of the cisgender hookers Tess Tickle and Bree Opp (Matt Bomer, Channing Tatum) cutting in on his action on their streets, two pre-op trans women prostitutes go on a rampage, offing all whores within their orbit through various, hilarious methods. Trouble ensues when the investigating police detective, Claus Etted (James Franco) falls for them both and has affairs with them simultaneously on the sly. He discovers that they’re the killers at the same time that they find out that he’s been screwing them both. Includes a climactic scene at the US National Synchronized Skating Championships. Don’t ask why; just know that it will end in tears...

The Night Has a Thousand Lies - a secretly gay senator (Matthew McConaughey) pretends to be straight while encouraging a ragtag band of misfits to stage a coup at the Capitol building and kill a cop

THIS is why I read Data Lounge, a R10 made me literally laugh until I pissed.

BEYOND THE TREEFUL OF PARROTS - "What a dump!", announces Montgomery Clift, as a dissatisfied twink who dreams of leaving his small-town sugar daddy and going to Chicago...

"DIAL "G" FOR "GREASE FIRE" (1947)"

Best title EVER!!!!

Good noir film this week on TCM...Act Of Violence. Noir Alley host, Eddie Muller, is very enjoyable and knowledgeable..with interesting tidbits about the films.

LEAVE HIM TO HEAVEN - a remake starring Douglas Booth as a beautiful young sociopath, who happily lets his annoying teen sister-in-law drown in order to have hunky Chris Hemsworth all to himself.

Actually, like "Sunset Boulevard", it's a story that'd require only the most minimal changes to work with two male leads.

Death To Oh Dearest...

^^Now I got it..

ON THE WATERFRONT, IN THE WATER In the hungry haze that always comes an hour after breakfast, Chrissy Metz confuses a docked freighter with her snack purse. Chrissy’s maniacal efforts to get it filled quickly turns into a sitdown where the stevedores give her nutritional advice she rejects, leading Pon to be crushed when a 40 foot container of Mars bars “accidentally” lands on him, causing the ship to capsize and everyone on the Hoboken docks drowns as the New Jersey piers collapse into the Hudson, creating a tsunami that takes out Bayonne and Sunset Park.

I WALKED WITH A ZOMBIE - The Keith Urban story.

OUT OF THE ASS: Robert Mitchum and Jane Russell about a hard boiled detective and a sexy nightclub singer who meet at a support group for people with excessive flatulence. They join forces (and farts) when several members of the group are killed. The ending is a real gas.

Night of the Hunter Biden - Donald Trump Jr (Miles Teller) stalks Hunter Biden (Ethan Hawke) and stands outside his house with "Hate" and "Love" tattooed on his hands

Ace in the Brown Hole - Former Congressman Aaron Schock (Tab Hunter) gets more than he bargained for

DIAL "M" WITH A PENCIL AFTER REMOVING ONE EARRING: (1954): Nathaniel WInce (Clifton Webb), a retired professor from Yonkers with an inexplicable British accent, is married to young florist Bobby Blossom (Montgomery Clift) who has had an affair with American crime fiction writer Mark Halliday (Laurence Olivier), who also has an inexplicable British accent. Unbeknownst to Bobby and Mark, Tony knows about the affair thanks to his manicurist(Dennie Moore) and is planning to have flamboyant Bobby killed in a grease fire so he can inherit the flower shop, Bobby's Tender Starflower--and the cache of stolen art buried beneath the West Hollywood storefront.

Kare of East Village (1955) - Karen (Lizabeth Scott) a tough-talking, ever-so-slightly butch NYC lady detective investigates the murder of a mysterious antique dealer (Raymond Burr) which may or may not have been committed by the man's "roommate" (Nick Adams)

Twat-y Heat - Melania gets her lover to kill Donald by poisoning his Big Macs

Circus of Doom -- The world's largest fat woman (Kirstie Alley) is found to also be a Femme Fatale who devours her companions (Scott Baio, Eric Estrada, Parker Stevenson) when a hard-boiled detective (Linden Ashby) investigates the disappearance of a traveling circus' lion tamer, lady killer and Only Fans superstar (Mark Valley).

PORTRAIT OF JENNY FROM THE BLOCK - A struggling artist (Ben Affleck) is inspired by a girl (Jennifer Lopez) who mysteriously disappears from his life…then reappears in it many years later.

IN THE DARK AND FROM BEHIND (1960)

An erotic thriller about an All-American sportsman Aaron Rodgers (Rock Hudson) and his very peculiar love-making ways. He remains quiet but his ladies have quiet the stories to tell.

Mildred Pierced (1967): Joan Crawford gets nipple rings.

Arsenic and Regret.

I Wake Up Screaming MAAARRRYYY!!

“The man in the window”, a middle aged professor falls for an homme fatale with dire consequences. Featuring gratuitous nudity and more graphic sex than “stranger by the lake”. The window in question is within a club where a shower sex show takes place around midnight.

R37 for the win. Thread closed. Brilliant!

Crossfuck: an antisemitic psycho military man falls for a cut boy and then kills him after a night of illicit bliss in a rage of projected self-loathing and bullies a younger soldier into lying for him. Pipe smoking detective Robert Young and righteous military Captain Robert Mitchum figure it out and nail the psycho bigot (Robert Ryan).

I don't think you can recast this today, let alone with 3 men named Robert as leads.

[quote]Muriel has asked me to program a film fest that will be of special interest to the tastetful cineastes of Datalounge.

Wait. I did what?

You're even more delusional than the rest of the miserable fucks on this site.

This thread was started over seven months ago.

That's a speedy response by Muriel's standards.

White Supremacist Heat - starring Donald Trump, Nick Fuentes, Kanye, and Lauren Boebert in the femme fatale role

Muriel posts in red.

We have seen it, like the burning bush. And then she deletes the posts. At one time people said she did it when she was drunk and something was heating on the hotplate. But I don't think there is a hotplate involved.

Dial R For Rentboy (1952) - mysterious megabucks financier Dieter Peel (Richard Basehart) starts plotting a murder when his secret hustler boyfriend (Jeffrey Hunter) threatens to spill the beans about their relationship. But will the dogged Miami chief of police (Raymond Burr) let him get away with it?

Eat Your Heart Out - Armie Hammer stars as a dapper playboy who's a real ladykiller...and a lady- eater

After Dark, My Sweet (1990) - written by Jim Thompson, directed by James Foley. Starring Jason Patric, Rachel Ward, Bruce Dern.

After prize fighter Collie escapes from a mental hospital, he is picked up by Fay, a widow with an ulterior motive. When she asks him to get involved in a kidnapping, he first agrees but then slowly begins to have second thoughts. A true modern day film noir, which was acclaimed by the critics. This is Jason Patric's best performance. If you haven't seen it, it's very much worth a viewing. I liked it so much I remember going back to the movies to see it a second time a few weeks later.

A Place in My Son - a hard-boiled private eye (Matt Dillon) is reunited with his long-lost son (Froy Gutierrez) and starts to experience strange feelings for the boy