Is anyone else OK with being alone?

Absolutely. I was a loner long before COVID-19.

I'm fine with it. COVID is a useful answer this year for the normal invites and questions I receive.

I like being alone. I live with partner but he's gone at work all day and I love having the house to myself. If I lived alone I'd probably get lonely sometimes but I always find lots to do plus I love to read and do yard work. There's always something to do.

I'm hyper-social seeming around people, but really enjoy being alone much more. I'm doing well just filling my days, reading, cooking and walking around by myself. I'm not the type of person who ever gets bored, I just don't ever feel it.

Yep. Like you OP, I think a relationship would be nice, but I’m OK being alone if that doesn’t happen. I love being alone so much that I have loved WFH and am absolutely dreading going back into the office someday.

I suppose that introverts are in the minority but there are quite a few of us (many may be afraid to admit that they're happier by themselves). I get tired of all the emphasis on the "isolated" people who are suffering from lack of human contact. The exact opposite is true for me and I'm hoping that some new "norms" will emerge from this experience. The only bad thing about COVID is that it sickens and kills a lot of people, which I don't endorse -- but the isolation part is so refreshing!

Yes, I like it. Social obligations stress me out even in normal times. It's wonderful to just lounge around eating what you like, when you like, not having to listen to inane conversations, and not worrying about picking up a deadly virus.

I love it. I don't miss social obligations. I don't miss having to do this holiday and that holiday.

I like working from home alone but dread having to go back into the office next week, even though our city is on lockdown.

R8 Why the fuck are they making you go back to the office if you can do the job adequately at home?

I prefer being alone and will never understand people who refuse to eat a meal alone.

R10 My theory is that people who can never be alone for even the most simple things are people who aren’t really happy with who they and are scared to have to deal with their thoughts and emotions.

R11 Good theory. I have a female friend who just turned 50. She has never been without a husband or boyfriend since she was in high school. Several husbands, many boyfriends but can never be alone for more than a couple of months.

I've been training for this my entire adult life. Other than the near-constant fear of catching COVID, I'm fine with it. I was going to use the virus and social distancing to get out of family functions this holiday, I still may. I don't want to an asshole but I also don't want to be a hypocrite. I've been bitching about everyone else's Thanksgiving get-togethers.

Yes I like being alone most of the time. I had to go a dinner the other day. It was painful.

Ditto, R1. And tres astute, R11. There must be a jillion things worse than flying solo.

I'm starting the Wheel of Time series. Halfway through book 1 now. Also playing early access rpgs like Baldur's Gate 3 and Solasta helps keep me occupied. No shortage of entertainment whilst being alone at home for me.

Yup, I’m largely an introvert though. Last few relationships messed me up and caused so much stress. I realised I’m always happiest on my own.

Yeah. I'm naturally extroverted but I won't be in company this holiday season. I'm fine with it because I know that life won't go on this way and things will look up soon.

I'm somewhat of an oppressed refugee at the time. I was on a watchlist for a long time, was recently removed from it but am still vulnerable. A lot of my friends and family were threatened and later used as informants, so I don't really correspond with them lately. Even though collateral was used against a lot of people, it's still too soon to reach out.

I'm just glad I don't have to worry about money and nobody's parked outside my house watching my every move. I'm staying at a hotel and there are no stalkers present.

Yes, I was alone most of the time before COVID and I liked it, so COVID hasn't been that big a change for me. I miss occasional dinners out and the little errands and shopping trips I used to do for fun, but it's not a big deal. I get social interaction through work via phone and video conferences, and I have a few close friends I stay in touch with by phone. That's enough.

The big downside of being alone is not having someone around to help. As I get older, it's more tiresome having to take care of household chores with no help (with COVID, I can't even hire a housekeeping service as I used to do), and there is the worry that I'll get really sick and have no one to look after me.

But, other than that (which I try not to think about too much), I'm not bothered by COVID isolation.

I've been alone all my life. Live alone. No family. Literally alone in the world. And yet I've had the privilege to travel and live around the world, seen and done much. I can't imagine any other life than the one I've had. And I'm grateful to have had it.

What happens when you have surgery and they won’t let you go home until someone comes to pick you up? You do need people in your life.

Good lord you all sound....

I live alone 'cause I like it!!!

I was born for this.

I am dealing with being single during this and my family far away and my hetero friends distancing more and more every year as they are in the full flower of their family lives. BUT. I feel it is risky to be alone - I mean just living has some risks where you need people to turn to. And its not good psychologically to be an island, for most people. And its not good to have no touch, be they hugs, or a body in bed at night, or sex.

I really miss the breath and heartbeat and warmth of a partner in bed.

Maybe I should get a dog. Lots of people get that "living presence" through pets.

So many of you are saying phrases I have thought or said since the pandemic began. "I was born for this." "I live alone 'cause I like it!!!"

I'm an introvert and I always thought I wanted to be a hermit, living alone in some hidden place. Now it has come true, and I live in a nondescript little one-bedroom white frame house about 800 square feet with covered front and back porches where I can sit on a porch swing and watch the rain and snow and the birds on my oversized overly wooded lot on the edge of a small city in the middle of nowhere.

I've lived in NY, Atlanta, and Philadelphia, and I loved them all, but I'm so grateful to be out of all that. It was a blast, but I don't want to live like that anymore.

Even here in this backwoods, I was always feeling pressured to go to someone's art show or the dinner they were throwing for someone's birthday, or I'd get a call from the community theater, "Won't you pleeeeze come do this role for us? We need you desperately."

Now I can say and have many times said, "No, I'm not leaving my house for anything not critically necessary."

When the vaccine is available, I won't have any problem at all saying I'm going to wait until it looks like the virus is in the past before I do anything with other people. And by then, they'll have forgotten about me.

Alone doesn't mean lonely.

Yes OP

Pre-Covid, I used to travel a lot for work and would often take a day or two on each end to explore the city if it was somewhere worth exploring. People would always say "don't you get bored by yourself" but I did not--I relished the opportunity to spend as much time in museums looking at the things that interested me and walking and eating meals on my own, usually something sort of takeout-ish.

I also enjoyed staying in for dinner, ordering room service and watching a movie on TV or reading, with no thought that anyone might want me for anything as it was the middle of the night in the US.

I am a loner, I prefer to be alone and I really don't get ever lonely, however I do miss not getting out of the house as much. I feel like I am taking my life in my hands every time I go out in public. I like the simulation of other surroundings and with the weather getting colder going for a walk outside just isn't as rewarding.

I laugh at the extroverts looking down on us introverts, they are the needy ones who can't seem to entertain themselves and complain about being lonely. I am fine with interacting with people, but honestly I would just prefer to be alone.

The months of loneliness and lack of human touch and fear of fighting COVID alone are mood killers..for me.

My partner and I were loners before this happened and we haven't really had much of a problem not going out, though stores and restaurants reducing hours has caused quite a bit of inconvenience. It's become a real chore to go pick up our prescriptions or drop off a package. Plus everyone working are so rude and miserable these days that the fewer interactions I have with people, the better. I'd understand it if it was people I had to interact with in person, because everyone is worried about the virus, but the people working from home over the phone for customer service are the truly awful ones.

[quote]At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society-from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer.

Yes, fine, thanks for asking OP/Duchess of Montecito

I love it. I used to feel the pressure to be more social but now I have the perfect excuse to stay inside and putter around. I can still go for walks on a seldom-used trail. I do miss traveling but when I travel, I’m still by myself.

I love seeing other people say they don't get lonely. It was only a few months ago I realized I don't think I've ever been lonely in my life.

I've been so horny I was desperate for another person to have sex with, and I've been bored, but that's rare, because I like reading, drawing, making music, and doing things that don't require a lot of resources. I've even been homesick for places I've lived in and loved, and I have mourned deeply and missed people I loved who died, but I've never been lonely, that I can remember.

I don't mind being alone most of the time. But it is not healthy to have little to no human contact. I'm fortunate to live in an apartment building with a nice outdoor area so I can go outside for a walk and speak to neighbors, however superficial it may be. I also have family members I'm in touch with during the week, like my two brothers, my sister-in-law and a couple of friends. I don't have many friends and the two or three I count are also solitary souls. It helps that I have hobbies, and yeah I have a cat. I think reaching out to people is important. And seeing people is important. So even if it's going to get groceries, you should do that. There are also classes you can take (for a price) that will have you in a zoom meeting where you'll at least have some instructor speaking to you and other people. Look. You might think your OK with this. But you aren't.

I’ve always lived lone, but I really crave the company of strangers. Just casual contact and chatter with someone I don’t know. This I miss the most this year.

When I’m alone I invariably waste entire days scrolling on my phone, so I spend as much time as possible with friends. I rarely go a day without seeing people, drinking, being merry etc. especially right now since my city has eliminated covid just in time for summer and everyone’s eager to make up for lost time. Hang in there, America.

I feel like myself when I'm alone. I loved meeting with friends out of the house but I've always dreaded hanging out at home, my own most of all. I associate my apartment with a deeper level of comfort, ease, and curiosity than any other experience and yes I see the sad aspect to that from an external view, but it feels right for me. I miss love, sex, conversation, but for my living arrangement, I love to be alone.

I'm fine being alone. I have spent several Thanksgivings alone since my partner died 12 years ago. It happened on November 23, and so I never quite know how I will feel on or around Thanksgiving. And this year is truly strange. Two things have me really, REALLY ANGRY today , though: the assholes in airports enroute to give grandma and grandpa a serving of Covid with their pumpkin pie. And several people in my life who cannot see fit to pick up the phone or even send an e-mail to me to see how I'm doing, even though I have checked on THEM off and on since the pandemic struck. The anger is robbing me of feeling happy about today and the stuff I DO feel grateful about. I guess it's time to write in my journal and get it all out. . .

Please go away, R35. "You might think your OK with this. But you aren't." -- who are you to tell me what I'm OK with? If I told you that you're not really OK being a people person and just think you're happy, you'd have a right to resent my presumption. You're the kind of person who makes me dislike people (and not only because of your incorrect apostrophe application).

I'm sorry, R39, this time of year has sad memories for you. I hope those thoughtless friends and family members of yours never have to experience what you experience from them. Try to focus on what is good in your life!

I'm alone today. I'm an extrovert, but perfectly fine this year not having to go to the home of a relative for Thanksgiving. It's less stressful. I look forward to cooking my own turkey breast and all the vegetables. I'm going to watch "Uncle Frank" on Amazon, perhaps some episodes of shows on Netflix, and some football.

I have social anxiety, but I still believe I'm an introvert at heart. I love being alone. I'm even OK with stretches of time not speaking to another human at all. But I know this isn't considered normal, and that makes me feel like a freak sometimes.

My therapist seems frustrated with me. I try to be more social, but spending too much time with my family drives me crazy. Just a few short moments interacting with friends is more than enough.

R35 doesn't understand everyone isn't the same.

It's a little like straight people who think gay people aren't really gay, we're just going through a phase or we haven't met the right person of the opposite sex, or we were warped or corrupted by our absent fathers and cold mothers. They and R35 can't imagine everyone doesn't think and feel the same way they do.

I could have written most of the above comments …nice to see healthy, adjusted, people here. Nothing wrong with being alone and happy. For me, I've never defined myself through the eyes of a man. Had a friend once who'd alway say of "couples" he knew "look at (such-and-such) would you want a relationship like that?" Usually the answer would be no.

I have more in common with any person who loves solitude than I do with a gay parent who loves socializing.

On a related note: Post-Covid I hope the retreat to virtual subcultures continues. I feel better here on DL than out in the unmitigated social media world because here there's at least a presumption of something in common, and then we see how different we are. Facebook, Twitter, everyone all at once, worlds collide? Nah not for me.

Alone checking in other gay people, scrolling through a mix of serious and funny and cunty and Old Hollywood posts? Happy Thanksgiving to us all.

I’ve always been a loner. My parents forced me to go out and play when I was a kid but I hated it. They gave up on pushing when I was a teen and i had no friends. None. The only person I enjoyed spending time with was my grandmother who was also a loner. We understood each other. Now I’m a senior and very content. I have a few close friends but that’s it. One family member left. It’s just so damn peaceful.

Not really. For a few months into ths I was, but my husband died of a quick metastatic cancer last month, yesterday was his birthday, I cried on and off that day.

I want a cat to adopt but those who were in a better position than I (no emotional stress or clutter and no tending to a high-maintenance bedbound person) seize upon them faster. Whatever it takes to have a warm, cuddly creature in bed with me. I may bribe someone to adopt a kitty for me and buy its accessories and bring it to me.

R47, I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself. Eventually, you'll be able to smile more than cry when you remember him, as your brain focuses more and more on the good times you had with him.

I hope that you get a cat. Mine won't let me cuddle with him much, but it's so entertaining to watch him. And just saying mundane things to him like "time for dinner" and "no!" makes me use my voice and feel more social even when I'd rather stay home alone.

I guess I'm lucky in that I like both my own and other's company. The hubby and I have been basically in isolation for 8 months now. He works from home, I just started back into the office last month - other than going to work, or out for a ride together, we are home. Luckily we live in a very big house and have our own space as we both enjoy isolation, and also being together. Some days we only see each other at dinner, and then talk for a few minutes before falling asleep. I miss my friends, I have season tickets to the theater and miss that, going out to dinner, my volunteer jobs, seeing my family, but also enjoy being alone and not having obligations.

That sounds lovely, R49. Room enough to find one another or solitude.

Covid is like Christmas come early for losers with no friends.

The DL bully (R51) is back.

If I can do my part in not spreading a lethal disease I'm all for it.

[quote]As I get older, it's more tiresome having to take care of household chores with no help (with COVID, I can't even hire a housekeeping service as I used to do), and there is the worry that I'll get really sick and have no one to look after me.

I used to worry about this too, but then when I used to volunteer at a nursing home, I realized how many people had children and grandchildren that lived in town and they almost never came to visit them before or after going to a nursing home. That’s when I realized having lots of “loved ones” near by doesn’t necessarily mean they will be helpful to you when you’re old.

Like so many people have already posted, I enjoy and crave solitude, and pretty much have for most of my life. I was extremely shy as a child and even into adulthood. I had only a few friends in all the years I spent in school, and hated being in groups of three or more people. My mantra has always been "two's company, three's a crowd", and sometimes even that was a bit much.

I now work part-time, and every few months or so, talk to my siblings via phone or meet with them in person, which is enough socialization for me. If I am isolated to the point where I have almost no human contact for several days other than food shopping, I do get a little anxious. Scheduling a short shift at my job a couple of days a week helps break that anxiety.

I'm now on my way to my niece's house for Thanksgiving and I dread it, not because of the people, but because of Covid, ugh! I could have easily spend this holiday alone but I didn't want to offend family.

^^ spent

I ordered my Jenny Craig food on Tuesday and the customer service person said, “This will be arriving on Friday.”

I said ok, that’s fine with me, thinking that he was warning me not to expect it too soon.

But he said, “Are you sure Friday is ok? Yiu don’t want us to hold it back til Saturday or Monday?”

That’s when I realized that many, many people are traveling for thanksgiving this covid year. He said I was the only one who ordered that day who said Friday was ok, don’t hold the shipment back.

Love love love being alone. Covid has been a blessing. My only problem is a a mother and cousin who can not be alone and are constantly intruding , bothering and being needy - with no regard to the fact that I want to be alone. Most all about their need to be around people constantly. I’ve learned to hate and resent them,

Cheers to all the loners out there, including me! Happy Thanksgiving and have a Merry Christmas anyway!

[quote] My partner and I were loners before this happened

Huh? If you are with a partner you are not "alone". A couple not socializing is an entirely different subject.

Multiple people on this thread have said they were loners and that they also live with partners, r60.

I've been in your place, R58. Now that you've learned to hate and resent them, you've got to learn something else: how to just say "NO!" Not angrily, which would make them defensive and even pushier -- politely but firmly, without offering excuses or explanations. If they're on the phone with you or at your front door (uninvited!), say something like "Sorry, this isn't a good time", or "Sorry, that wouldn't work for me", followed by hanging up the phone or closing the door. If you're with them, follow the statement by changing the subject with a rueful smile -- if necessary, say "Oh! Gotta go! Bye!" and leave.

They're not your boss or other authority figures, just family members -- you're an adult and don't have to let them impose on you, so don't. They'll tell each other and everyone else that you're "weird" or "aloof" but that's OK -- you don't want their company anyhow!

My partner and I enjoy each other's company, although we also spend time by ourselves. We have a place where that's possible. And we do all the holidays - every one we see on any calendar. We enjoy having people over.

I do realize that my enjoyment, though, now comes from sharing his. And if I find myself alone I know I'll be fine by myself if it comes to that. We've been together a long time and that will suffice, plus I had enough life before him to tell me I like my own company, often better than the company that seems to be around (alas).

And we've looked hard enough to know.

"I suppose that introverts are in the minority but there are quite a few of us..."

Liking being alone is not just for introverts, it has nothing to do with introverts. I am a LONER. I've had to deal with this how can you like being alone bullshit since I was eight years old. I am not an introvert, I am not lonely, I am not waiting for someone to take me away from the "loneliness." I just want your needy ass out of my life unless we agree to meet for a short time.

I have no trouble with Covid, I have no trouble with being alone on Thanksgiving. The big problem I have today is that MSNBC has their reject anchor Yasmin Vossoughian on and I have to turn to Gilligans Island reruns.

I don't get the number of people on this thread who say that they are alone, but they have partners.

Do they not see that you cannot consider yourself a single person if you are in a relationship?

OP, here

Great responses

R65, I actually know people in relationships who feel alone

That’s why I’d rather be alone than with someone not right for me

True, you can be in a relationship and still feel single. Absolutely. It's just that the people in relationships here all seem very happy and fulfilled with theirs. So they do not feel alone. They just have to chip in to this thread and make others who really feel and are alone, feel more alone.

I love being alone. It's nice to read the responses of so many who are similar, as otherwise people I encounter are shocked that I'm happy to do everything alone and don't fear spending holidays alone, if necessary. My work involves a lot of people contact, and I keep in touch with 2 good friends + family, but I can imagine living like a hermit, too. I'm never bored. Covid has meant a lot more free time for me (no more work travel), but I could fill much more free time with my (solitary) interests.

I used to think that I was the world's biggest loner, but I've found myself missing being in the office/going to meetings very much, and I find working from home to be a drag. I wrote about this on another thread, and somebody replied with "I'm different from that because I'm an introvert," and I though "Huh, I thought nobody was more introverted than me!"

As for the holidays, I enjoy them, but time goes so fast...you blink and here they come again, and again, and again. I'm surprised that so many people refuse to even scale them down this year. Don't they know the next one will arrive before they know it?

Hi OP!! I echo all of your words. I’m ok being solo because I’m so used to it. Usually am during the holidays, unless I’m with friends or parents but all of us are laying low this year. I’m grateful for what I have. Happy thanksgiving to you!! From my household (me plus cat)

Is no-one worried about R17 and his stalkers?

Me too R16.

I am OK with being alone. There are two things I don't like doing alone, though: (1) being in the airport(s) and (2) being in Costco when it's crowded.

I've gotten used to be being alone. In these times, I've realized I have trouble trusting people. I have a few friends and keep in touch with family.

[quote] Is no-one worried about [R17] and his stalkers?

I'm not worried about him, R71 -- if he doesn't already have a buyer for his thriller manuscript, some editor who reads DL is bound to make him an offer after reading his précis here.

I live alone because I like it!

I have always been more an email, forum and social media person than face to face. I can do face to face and even be funny and entertaining but it EXHAUSTS me. I had a strange, turbulent and mostly isolated childhood so I’m not a person who thirsts for a lot of face to face with others. I can do it but I don’t dig it.

To be honest covid isolation has been, if anything, sort of a silver lining to this whole catastrophe.

[quote] I want a cat to adopt but those who were in a better position than I (no emotional stress or clutter and no tending to a high-maintenance bedbound person) seize upon them faster.

R47, try checking Craigslist if you local shelters are empty.

Love being alone, never needed many friends. I go into the office every day, just me and three other colleagues - sat far apart.

I’m doing that because I don’t want to associate my home with work; it feels good leaving the office on a Friday afternoon.

Yes, I would like to have a partner, but a nice guy is hard to find.

Also.. sending R47 a very big hug.

[quote] I actually know people in relationships who feel alone

The may feel that way, but they are, in fact, not alone.

Sort of off-topic, but I lost my 16-17 year old Shih-tzu earlier this year. I'm not ready to get my own again yet, but I did foster a black lab for three weeks this month. Shelters have a harder time finding fosters for large dogs, and I thought I wouldn't get too attached to a big because I am a Shih-tzu/Pekingese person, but damn if I didn't love that dog anyway. Hope he's having a great Thanksgiving with his adopter. I look forward to doing it again.

Animals are truly wonderful.

Fostering is perfect for people who can't adopt a full-time pet for whatever reason. I'm glad you took a chance with it, R82 -- and not surprised that it helped you at least as much as it helped the dog. I hope you can do it again because rescue groups and shelters desperately need foster homes. Don't be afraid of becoming attached -- that only happens if you fall in love with the animal (as you will) but the more you love it, the more you want what's best for it -- and you know that means being adopted into a permanent home. Then you have room and time to give a foster home to the next homeless animal, (and there will always be a next one) -- not just dogs, there's a rescue group for every species: cats, rabbits, birds, fowl, rats, gerbils, snakes, lizards, fish, turtles and tortoises, etc., etc., etc.!

I love solitude today...but I worry about 20 years from now when I might need some help being over 70 and all. I saw my mother become helpless when she was 75.

Save your money, R84, and hire people to help you as needed. Or move into an assisted living facility if necessary. An elderly neighbor had some wonderful home healthcare workers who didn't live with her but 3 of them each covered an 8 hour shift so she was never alone in the house.

R85, home health aids cost $20/hr plus TODAY. If you need one 8 hrs/day that's almost 60K a year. In 10-20 years that could be 120K. If you live another five years, you're looking at well over a half a million. Assisted living costs a fortune too.

This is a time bomb waiting to go off. Big time.

All you true loners who claim to love your isolation from people? Why are you spending time in this dump, DL? Doesn't add up. You're talking PR but I bet half of you aren't as OK as you claim.

R87, you haven't been paying attention. Many of the comments talk about enjoying online interactions and phone/video interactions and finding them to be enough human contact. If you don't understand how someone can find a long chat w/ a friend by phone as satisfying as an in-person visit or feel connected to the world through social media or a familiar forum, then you've missed the point of the thread.

R57, some of those people aren’t traveling. They just prepared a Thanksgiving dinner and know they’ll have leftovers for a few days.

i had Del Taco for dinner in P.S.. I grew up with TGiving my absolute favorite holiday and has been for 60 yrs, but things change. Im good!

I’ve been surprised how content I have been, working and living alone for 9 months of covid isolation. Social situations are stressful to me, even though I am very good at hiding the fact.

I’m always bewildered by how many of my family and friends think solitude is he worst imaginable thing, and that time along is to be avoided at all costs. I’m the opposite really: it would have been torture to me to be sharing a house with someone this year. Maybe that will change one day, if I meet someone who bowls me over, but until then I am happy as I am.

My family are pushing me to travel across the country to be with them for Christmas. I love them dearly, but the idea of traveling just now does not appeal and the idea of being at home for Christmas with a bottle of champagne, a good steak and my own music, books and bed certainly doesn’t appall me! Now I just need to work out how to tell them without hurting their feelings!

Easy, R90: "I really wish I could be there but I don't want to risk catching the virus and bringing it into your home -- I'll miss everyone!"

COVID is such a perfect excuse -- it's like "Sorry, my dad won't let me date" for the 14 year old girl who doesn't want to go out with the guy who asked her. Even if your relatives insist that the pandemic is a hoax, you just say "I can't agree, I know too many doctors and nurses who deal with it every day and they tell me how dangerous it is, too big a risk!" And so on, and so forth until Xmas next year.

[quote]The big problem I have today is that MSNBC has their reject anchor Yasmin Vossoughian on and I have to turn to Gilligans Island reruns.

Well, I hope it was the Phil Silvers/Harold Hecuba/Hamlet episode, or "The Second Ginger Grant" where Mary Ann thinks she's Ginger, or the radioactive vegetable seeds. Those are my three favorites!

Me three, for sure. Best thing about being alone (note: not "lonely") is that you can choose to go out and be around others when you wish to and then opt to decide to go your own way or home when you want to. I don't want anymore to be tied to other people's plans, moods, rides, or critiques of what I do or when, now that I'm in my late 50s.

Holidays are hard on Dataloungers. Sometimes they are reflective. But usually they get drunker as the day progresses. Then it's full-tilt Martha from "Virginia Woolf?".

I have been mostly house bound since Covid started . I am WFH but took time off this week and don’t have to go back to work until Monday. I got a take out dinner for Thanksgiving and bought some of my favorite treats to enjoy . Tomorrow I will clean up my apartment and do some baking for the holidays . I have been on my own since I was 17 and being lonely is different from being alone . I actually have a hard time visiting other people for holidays or them visiting me . I am 55 now so that’s not something I need to change now .

R94, some of us don't drink much. I prefer smoking copious amounts of pot, and it's legal in my state. Much more pleasant than sloshing around stumbling drunk.

R87, do you think we loners just sit and stare into space? Why is it so hard for non-loners to grasp that some people are happy alone? I can understand that other people (the majority, it seems) need to be surrounded by other people. Why wouldn't we be on DL or any other website?

My great uncle was an atheist hermit who annotated the Bible in his free time. Nowadays he'd be on internet forums I imagine.

My point at R87 was - if you truly adore being alone and isolated - you wouldn't use social media either.

Social media is a human contact. So don't be so proud about "I need no-one" or "everyone is annoying so I like being alone" if in fact you do social media several hours a day - that is not being "alone".

Yes I understand everyone is different.

There are people who like being alone and there are people who are damanged and cannot function in society so they stay alone.

And some of them are really alone - ghosts - ghosts online, ghosts in real life. These are the ones who die and nobody knows and they rot in their homes.

Thanks, R99 -- this thread needed a cheery turn!

R99, I may be both of those things. I love being alone, but also, I may also be psychologically damaged. I had to function in society for many years in order to work and make a living, and now that I don't have to, I don't know if I could make myself do it again.

[R12], there' s nothing wrong with being an asshole.

[quote] do some baking for the holidays .

You just bake it for yourself?

Why not bake for yourself?

I was fine with being alone until I read a Factinate story about long haul truck drivers that see weird things in remote parts of the road. Ghosts, bigfoot, various things rattling their truck and testing all the doors, then when they look at nobody’s there. Scary shit.

Now I not only don’t want to be alone, I want to live the rest of my life with the lights on! 👻👽☠️☠️👽

Now that so many people have phones with cameras, there should be photos of UFOs, Bigfoot, etc. However, nada.

R96 = one of those delusional potheads who thinks they’re better than alcoholics.

R107, I don't think I'm better than alcoholics or anyone for any reason, I just like pot and function well with it, and I hate alcohol and everything it does to me.

Yeah but I wish I could get fucked a few times a week.

The only real cure for loneliness...is solitude.

OP were you clutching your mug with both hands, snuggled on the sofa in your oversized sweater when you thought this one up?

ten years ago I used to sometimes fantasize about being alone for the "big" holidays, especially Christmas. That dream has kind of lost its charm, but I will do my best to survive.

Yes, R111. I'm also watching Rachael Ray marathon.

Gonna need something strong in that mug, R113!

I'm thriving. I feel better mentally than I have for a long time -- more content, confident and optimistic. It's strange because I'm not usually like that. Someone mentioned above about being able to be themselves. I think that's it.

Great thread, OP.

Being alone is comfortable. No one judging or criticizing.

I agree, R116. Except that you don't know my sister and the telephone plus e-mail still exist.

Well, technically, that isn’t quite alone, R117, but point taken.

The pandemic reminded me of when I first got email. Suddenly, I had a way to interact that really suited me and I revived friendships with friends who had moved away, other people who also loved long rambling emails, back and forth. Not a phone person, and I do miss going to meet a friend for a drink, but remembering my favorite social evenings, I can't help but focus on that feeling I have, happy going home. It would be easier if I loved living alongside others, if I loved the idea of a long weekend in a rented house full of friends, but I don't, and this year, I haven't had to explain my peculiarities. This year has forced some experiences that will probably result in different descriptions of self. I bet we'll see a drop in birth rate, because parents will need an audience for how hard it is to be a parent; a rise in living alone, because living together in apartments is more constraining now. And mediated interactions, like this one, don't contradict but add nuance. I'm not utterly alone but I like socializing to be focused in time and attention. I'm lucky to find others who get me.

R119, I'm 100% with you on that. Email was the perfect medium for me. I hate that emails have been so extensively replaced by texting and mindless "like" and one-post posts on social media.

I'm never alone since I got my pet. He doesn't eat or poop. Most importantly he doesn't get sick and die. Ideal.

I got rid of my smart phone two years ago because I was tired of people bugging me. Don't miss it.

When I check out Instagram I wonder where the there there is. Are the short phrases and one-word responses what people consider interaction or "content"? I can't find content on Instagram. Email was really right for me.

Some people cannot, absolutely cannot, bear being alone. They get into relationships with people they don't even like, just to avoid being alone. There is something so wrong with that. Being alone is good for the soul.

I got a new foster dog now, an old Blue Tick Coonhound. My foster Lab was adopted and I missed the cheerful energy.

I am still Shih-tzu Til I Die but I am enjoying getting to know these other kinds of dogs I would never have gotten the opportunity to know otherwise. Big dogs are way more expensive to take care of than little dogs, and the shelter pays for all their medical care, so I feel like I've got the best of both worlds for now, until I can have a (little) dog of my own again.

Hang on OP, don’t you have Joel/husbear/your mother living with you?

My thing is, you “loners” have always had this choice. You are the people who prefer to “live off the grid”, without cellphones, always bailing on plans, etc before the pandemic. That’s fine. That’s what makes you happy.

Why must you take glee on the extroverts who truly cannot handle isolation? Since our knuckle dragging days we have always lived in tribes and been social creatures. It is not easy to expect humans to work to be actively antisocial.

Half of you have given away your goat mentioning you have a partner. It’s the married couples turning around and telling—no, YELLING—at the single extroverts to stay home and isolate. Yeah, easy for you to say when you have at least one other person to interact with....you enjoy that person’s company more than you choose to admit.

I applaud the true, SINGLE, loners here who have stuck this out by themselves. You finally have your day, and know that your extroverted counterparts are really struggling with this. You’ve always had the choice to isolate....

To be honest, it was hard to be a hermit before COVID — there are only so many times you can use your dead aunt as an excuse to bail.

R127, where do you find all these introverts chortling with glee about the pain of extroverts? I'm a hermit, not a sadist -- I don't want anybody to be miserable, I just want them all to participate in the universal effort to overcome this deadly disease for the common good.

And I agree with R128 that self-imposed isolation in normal times isn't always easy without breaking your mother's heart at Xmas, or pissing off your co-workers, or hurting your neighbors' feelings, etc. The disease gives us a perfect excuse, a nice impersonal natural disaster, like a flood. I'm happy about that part, not about the misery it's wreaking for everyone else (including the economic fallout, which won't disappear with a vaccine).

Because they're jealous, R129. Or seems so. They like to pressure loners to be more like them. Btw, loners are not necessarily "introverts."

[quote] My thing is, you “loners” have always had this choice. You are the people who prefer to “live off the grid”, without cellphones, always bailing on plans, etc before the pandemic. That’s fine. That’s what makes you happy.

Ok, so how about people like me? Depressed agoraphobics with family history of psychological malaise and seclusion. This doesn’t make me happy, but it’s my natural state of being.

There’s a theory out there (can’t remember or find a source rn), that says certain types of disordered people like depressives often find ways to instinctively isolate themselves, to avoid damaging the lives of others around them. That sounds like the behaviour of an empathetic, social animal to me.

[quote] [R119], I'm 100% with you on that. Email was the perfect medium for me. I hate that emails have been so extensively replaced by texting and mindless "like" and one-post posts on social media.

Emails, for me, are for work. I don't text with friends any more, but I do text with relatives. I'm actually grateful that I can just "thumbs-up" some of the texts from my relatives. The thumbs-up is about all it deserves, anyway.

[quote] You’ve always had the choice to isolate....

R127, introverts didn't always have the choice to isolate. I used to work in an office of ~ 70 people. My head was clanging by the time I headed home from work.

That said, thanks for explaining your situation: a single extrovert. That must be hard.

R127 -- you "might" want to "look into" your "obsession" with "quotation marks."

I’ve got 3 friends. Two leave nearby and one is about 90 minutes away. I have been alone (work from home for 30 years now) most of my life. I have always had zero social life. I like people but I guess I am just extremely odd. I’ve spent the holidays with myself for the past 15 years or more and I love it. The experts (so called) say that you need social engagement to be healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. I am in my 60’s and on no medications, have no doctor, feel very good, am happy, and think I am healthier than most people I know. If I died right now, that would be fine with me but I’m in no hurry to go. I get erotic massages a few times a year (pre covid) when I crave some physical contact and sexual stimulation other than my right hand. This whole pandemic has mostly been life as usual for me. I feel sorry for others though and am ready for it to be over.

R127, while gloating is always bad form, it’s not true that loners and introverts “have always” been able to live according to their personality. For one thing, we had to go work every day. For another, it’s only been recently – meaning the last 5 years or so – that delivery services have really blossomed.

Meanwhile, we were pressured to socialize and, sometimes, judged negatively for being introverted. In some offices, failure to join all the fake-friendly social events had a detrimental impact on one’s career (even when it wasn’t necessary to be an extrovert to succeed, as it is for a salesman, for example).

As it happens, I like my colleagues (which seems to be the exception to the rule on the DL, although maybe people just like to pretend they hate their co-workers … pointless bitchery and all that). I do miss interacting with them in person at work, although I never socialized after work if I could avoid it.

I also used to enjoy my little daily errands and interacting with some of the shopkeepers. Supermarket shopping was a favorite activity. I was perfectly happy with my life before COVID, except for the commute to work. My non-social nature has made it easier for me to adapt to the reality of 2020, but I don’t like it better. That’s probably true for many people here.

R136, I used to work for a couple of different places that were run by extroverts. One was a small company run by a guy who put on endless social events for the employees. Some were at his luxurious private home. You absolutely had to go or you had no future at the company. Some of these had costume themes. I was flat broke and did not have the money to dress up like a cowboy or whatever, but I did it anyway because “team spirit.” And then had no more money for that month.

I had to keep buying fancy clothes over and over for these events, and I made starvation wages. A lot of other people there were in the same boat, but a lot of them lived with their parents so it wasn’t quite so dire for them. Nobody wants to tell the boss, I live in a hovel and can barely buy food, when everyone else was being financed by mom and dad and wasn’t in such dire straits. And he was too obtuse to know or care about the difference.

Another place put on monthly lunches. I had severe ulcerative colitis. Imagine how fun that was. People pressing you to eat spicy, garlicky foods from all different countries and you ate it, knowing you’d be sick for hours afterward. I was ordered by my boss to go, because if I didn’t, upper manager that paid for this would be really angry because I wasn’t a team player. About the only thing I could eat was bread or rice. I found out years later I was actually allergic to several hot spices, so now I know why they made me so sick. Of course all these meals were curry, Italian, Mexican, etc. Nothing was ever bland. They wanted to show how “worldly” they were.

And in every case, I was always told, go no matter what, eat it no matter what. Because some extrovert boss is going to be offended if I don’t and they will be out to get me after that. Under those circumstances, you don’t want to stir up trouble, and I needed the job.

It’s a power trip. If your job is totally unrelated to food, you shouldn’t have people continually forcing food down your throat like you’re future foie gras.

There’s only one socially acceptable excuse for this type of bullying, and it’s extroverts telling introverts that extroverts are superior and if you aren’t one, there’s something wrong with you. If you were any other category, it would be considered harassment or discrimination. If anything, this shit has made me even more introverted, because it makes it seem impossible to actually enjoy anything involving other people at work. I’m so glad working at home is becoming more prevalent.

If some extroverted people with cast iron stomachs want to do this shit every five minutes, more power to you. But don’t hate on people that don’t.

"Another place put on monthly lunches. I had severe ulcerative colitis... I was ordered by my boss to go, because if I didn’t, upper manager that paid for this would be really angry because I wasn’t a team player."

That reminds me of a boss who insisted I run errands for management and go all over New York looking for expensive gifts for clients when I was ill with a colitis flare. This was the 1980s and very few people knew what colitis was - they'd actually make fun of me because I had it. When I explained to my boss that I couldn't run the errands because of severe abdominal pain, he said, do you have a doctor's note?

Back to topic. Beware of overly social people, needy social people. That's because you can't take anything they say seriously - they say it to everyone. These people are not your friends, in fact it's hard to make friends with them though it seems like the opposite would be true. I used to think they were insufferably superficial. I've learned not to depend on most of them, I accept them as they are.

I grew up an only child, so I'm conditioned for this. I live in my own world, and in my head much of the time. I can find endless entertainment online or in the outdoors solo. I feel plenty of connection from texting, podcasts or reading forums online usually. I've been this way since I was a kid. Think the beginning of AOL and usenet.

Still, I liked and needed some socializing. And being single, I want to find a partner (even if it's a partner in crime, honestly) - someone to travel with and share life with. At my age though, I'm not sure this will ever happen since dating and dating apps don't appeal to me.

R139 You and I sound very similar.

R139, if you don't mind elaborating, what don't you like about the dating apps? You get a writing sample and a bit of back and forth before meeting.

R136, okay, I’ll take that one for the extrovert team. But as a fellow extrovert, I too have strong disdain for “social expectations.”

I am the individual to pull my manager aside and say “Hey, I love working here. This is a great place, but I have reasons why I cannot always partake in the social events. Reasons I’d rather not disclose.” You could always send this as an email, but an extrovert needs to feel the body language of such a conversation. Email is too distant and a bit antisocial for such a conversation in a seemingly close knit environment.

I feel I didn’t have much success at my previous job because I refused to put up with my coworkers’ disingenuous attempts at being friendly. If you are willing to stunt me on a professional matter, why am I going to clink glasses with you at the company party.

I’m not going to pivot to a conversation about workplaces, but that’s the one thing as an extrovert I will concede was TEDIOUSLY annoying.

R141 I’m not R139 but I agree with her - apps are creepy. It’s basically a platform for you to be judged and it’s strange to see other people you know on there (coworkers, acquaintances, etc.). Also, there are a lot of freaks and liars on apps as well. It’s easier to sniff these people out immediately when you naturally meet people the old fashioned way.

The solitude has grounded me, made me aware of the finer facets and shades of my mind, heart, and most importantly, soul, and has made me receptive to the etheric realms which heretofore I ignored and underestimated.