Let's be the 2020 Republican Convention

We're the St. Louis couple who waved guns at protesters. If you make fun of us, we're suing your ass!

I'm The Donald, I will ramble, sweat & get tanning goo all over the camera.

I'm The Donald's orange foundation. I look especially bad tonight.

Let's be the 2020 Democratic Convention. *Yawn* Borrrring.

I'm Vairst Letty.

I spik on the Toosday.

Assuming all negotiations are conclude by then.

I’m a Scientologist and my addiction to being contrarian and terminally unique has also made me a Republican.

We're Kellyanne Conway and Sarah Huckabee-Sanders sitting in the front row. We fancy ourselves the Patsy and Edina of the deplorable set.

I'm the number of lies Trump tells. I'll be in the triple digits.

Im the empty seats.

I'm the amateurish lighting and production values that makes everyone look bad.

I'm an overly tanned aging blonde with big hair, too much make up, and a satin red, white, and blue outfit that's way too tight.

I'm the legions of white people who will show up without masks.

oops. Here we are!

I am Giuliani’s crooked yellow teeth.

I'm the RNC aides who are now scrambling to assemble an arena so that Trump can deliver his acceptance speech in front of a packed house of people. He can't function without his adoring, corpulent brain-dead. He just demanded it be done.

I'm MAGA-hat wearing Covington High School kid, realizing tonight I'm gonna be compared to a junior high school kid with a stutter.

I am the bat that gave the world COVID. I will be a speaker on Tuesday night.

I'm Covid 19 and I will be circulating in the new arena they pick among the maskless crowd.

I’m the air of sincere, deeply felt shame that should hang over the whole affair. You won’t even know I am there.

I'm Kayleigh MAGA-ninny and I'm here to show that of all the horrifying things white people have done over the years, the spelling of women's names is among the worst.

We're the trailer park watch party taking place in Bumfuck, WV. Everybody must wear a MAGA hat, American flag in some sort of way and a gun. If you wear a mask you will be kicked out by Tiny, the 350 lb biker back from Sturgis.

I'm Nicholas Sandmann and why does Lindsey Graham keep trying to hug me?

I'm Judge Jeanine Pirro and this is only my fourth box of wine. Fifth? Oh who's counting anyway! Its not like I have that far to drive after this.

I'm the sinister thread weaving thorughout that darkies are trying to steal America.

I'm the flatulence.

[quote] I'm the sinister thread weaving thorughout that darkies are trying to steal America.

What do you expect when the place is crawling with Italians?

I'm Dana Loesch and I may have accidentally shot that Covington kid. Oopsie!

I am the ass-raping that racist little Aryan brat so richly deserves.

We're Attila The Hun, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, and Benedict Arnold

Had we still been alive, we'd have prime speaking spots

I'm the letter between P and R

I am the subtext of much of what gets said this week.

I have many, many adherents among the faithful.

I am Jesus.

I sent Donald Trump to America to protect its people from libtards and their judges

I am the reality that the GOP has never not been racist, even during Abraham Lincoln‘s time, and never will be. In fact, Lincoln was a bigger racist than any white southerner because he wanted to send Black people back to Africa altogether. He didn’t give a shit about ending slavery. He didn’t give a shit about Black people. He was just another right wing fascist. He fucking deserved to die. Even back then, actors were more qualified to run this country than the GOP.

I'm Miss Lindsey, half relieved and half disappointed to not have been hit by the feces after Trump interrupted his address, took a dump right here right now on the stage and started to fling it right across the arena. At least the ratings gonna be good.

We're Diamond and Silk. We're sassy black folk!

Republicans love us. Seriously

I am the jail cell Scott Baio should be in instead. Come the Revolution, whoops I mean election, he will be.

I'm the KGB here to make sure the Donald says what we tell him to. I am wearing a MAGA hat and waving an American flag - both of which were made in China, where the Donald buys his steel.

I’m COVID-19 proving Darwin was right all along.

I'm the numbers, the wonderful numbers, the numbers never seen before. I don't really exist. I'm made up and pulled out of Trump's ass like a dingleberry again and again anytime he goes on a tangent about the economy, jobs, or covefes. And I get applause even though I'm obviously a fraud.

We are the hookers of Charlotte, male and female, bitterly disappointed that there are wont be as many clients to tend to this year because of the virus. Some of us were planning on paying off our mortgages with our earnings from next week's festivities.

We are the hookers of Jacksonville, male and female, bitterly disappointed the Repukes aren't coming here after all. Some of us were planning on putting our kids through college with our earnings from next weeks festivities.

Just on CNN: "Trump is demanding a spectacular GOP Convention that outshines the Democratic Convention. No cost to be spared!"

🙄

And the son of a bitch will use OUR White House as a backdrop to his stupid lip service to the dumbest of Americans.

I'm the HS audio/visual club geek who will be called upon to do several segments of this shit show because none of the legit production studios will touch this shit show with a 10 foot pole.

Besides, I don't expect to be paid, I'll end up at the FCC when he gets re-elected.

I eat old people’s excrement.

I'm Jerry Falwell Jr. Someone better remind me to zip up before they put me on camera.

I'm feeling very ill. I need to go lie down.

I'm big beautiful Wall. I seem to have become an embarrassing subject. Not sure, but I feel like people are avoiding me.

I'm the drinking game that will send thousands to the ER with alcohol poisoning after all the times Trump says "China Virus," "Sleepy Joe," "Radical Left," "Suburban Housewives," "Witch Hunt," etc.

I'm Ted Nugent. I have to support my fellow pedos, so here I am. 'Murica, fuck yea!

I'm Bill Barr's truss cinched extra tight to hold in his prolapsed anus.

I am the fresh surgical scars that went too far and finally sealed Melania Trump's eyelids for good.

I'm the archaic vote-counting machines across the country, already thoroughly compromised and reprogrammed, waiting to be plugged in to ensure fraudulent counts in favor of the GOP in the days following the election.

I'm Jared, exhausted after two years of hunkering down with the Russians. Planning the hacking, propaganda and kompromat/October Surprise that will push Donald over the top 51 > 49.

Can we just fill the arena with the fresh corpses of Covid victims?

I'm the huge stretches of blank screen and underlings audibly cursing off-camera!

I'm QAnon. Look into my crazy eyes and despair. I am the future of this entire party.

I am mascara.

I will be applied with an exceedingly heavy hand by 98% of the females attending.

Steve Bannon here. Does this jail have Zoom?

I'm the awkward interaction between Scott Pressler and Scott Baio.

I see fat white people..

We're Class, Decorum, and Civility.

We weren't invited.

I’m lies and delusions. I’ll be everywhere this year and I can’t wait. The Republican Party is my spirit animal.

I’m decorum. I won’t be within 10,000 miles of anyone involved.

Will their convention be like a Trump cabinet meetings where everyone out does the last person kissing Trump's ass thanking him. Oh you know it will.

We're the elephants and donkeys wondering who asked us whether we wanted to be associated with American politics in this fashion.

I'm the N-word, and I'll be making my RNC debut!

I'm Steve Bannon. I'll be here in spirit.

I'm Ted Cruz, announcing that my wife is ugly and my father shot JFK.

I’m a mask. Someone will burn me, and the crowd will cheer.

I'm the farting from all the fatsos.

I'm Lou Dobbs, Trump's shadow chief of staff

I'm the campaign song they'll be playing when Scott Baio takes the podium:

I'm the guns.

I won’t be watching.

I'm the Slovenian accent that will be used to deliver Michelle Obama's speech.

I'm the Deroyal tires on every vehicle in the parking lot.

Damnit, Uniroyal.

I'm the pile of shitty diapers festering in the corner of the Presidential Bathroom.

[quote]I'm the awkward interaction between Scott Pressler and Scott Baio.

Yeah, I can see that. Two bottoms don't pair well.

I AM IVANKA! A special advisor to the President!

I'm Jared, power broker to the world. And I want all of you fuckers to know I got where I am today solely by my extremely hard work to serve this great country of ours.

Also I got into Harvard purely because of my stellar grades and test scores

I’m Antifa. I want to build high-rises for BLM thugs on every suburban cul-de-sac so they can rape your daughters and kill your dogs.

I am the 2000 GOP convention where Rick Schroder was one of the keynote speakers. They’ve gone downhill in the caliber of celebrities even from then!

I am the tiny anus-mouth gene that shall never be rooted out of the odious Trump family.

R11 just described 40% of any Republican audience.

Will Art Linkletter be making an appearance?

Blah blah Hunter Biden blah blah Communist China blah blah abortion blah

We are the gulags every Republican everywhere will be in by 2024.

We are the gulags every Republican everywhere will be in by 2024.

I'm the anger at Hunter Biden because he benefitted from nepotism.....but I won't complain about Trump's kids, Lara Trump, and Kimberly Guilfoyle getting $$$$ to do nothing

I am Melanomia's chasm-crater hole through which Barron stumbled out like Frankenstein's Monster from the ice cave.