How would Joan Crawford deal with this pandemic?

def by mansplaining to everyone who would listen - cleanliness is godliness

I like to imagine the latter-day Joan self-quarantining in her UES apartment at the Imperial House.

Ordering takeout delivery, but setting out her finest bone china and pretending it's lunch at the Brown Derby with Tyrone Power and Missy Stanwyck. Oh, the cheek of that waiter! After coffee, she'll read selections from scripts aloud for her adoring "fans" (her collection of creepy Keene paintings and the dog).

Then it's time to change wigs and evening outfits before drinking herself into a stupor in front of the TV.

Lol R2.

Nicely done!

Trying to figure out how Pepsi can be marketed as a disinfectant.

She would still make weekly trips to the supermarket for packs of Pepsi-Cola, Spanish sausage and spices for her paella. And she would bitch and moan that the only fresh fruit she could find was hideous rhubarb.

She would pass the time in quarantine by making the children and housekeeper gather round for late night screenings of her favorite films (all starring Joan Crawford naturally ). Afterwards, everyone would be required to applaud and Joan would beam in pride. Except for the one time she had to slap the children for not clapping with sufficient enthusiasm.

"No, dear. You stand 6 feet back from ME."

Barrels of 100 proof vodka would be used to douse everything every hour, on the hour.

On Day 3 a stray cigarette or dinner table candle would ignite everything - -

TINA!

Bring me the lysol....

There would be a lot of this...

Joan would have loved Instagram.

[quote] Ordering takeout delivery, but setting out her finest bone china and pretending it's lunch at the Brown Derby with Tyrone Power and Missy Stanwyck. Oh, the cheek of that waiter! After coffee, she'll read selections from scripts aloud for her adoring "fans" (her collection of creepy Keene paintings and the dog). Then it's time to change wigs and evening outfits before drinking herself into a stupor in front of the TV.

Brilliant! Though except for the script readings, it sounds like what most DL Eldergays have been doing all month.

Totally, R11.

And Twitter, too!

"@realJoanCrawford Tear down that BITCH of a border wall, and put a window where it OUGHT to be! #IcanseeMexico"

I know a few things about quarantine, fellas.

She would send out Mamacita to go looking for toilet paper and hand sanitizers.

Exactly as seen in R5, but wearing a mask edged in pearls.

There had better not be ONE goddamn virus particle in this house!

Joan Crawford spent the last few years of her life in quarantine anyway.

She never left her apartment.

Tina!

Bring. Me. The. Mask.

DON'T FUCK WITH ME COVID-19! THIS AIN'T MY FIRST TIME AT THE QUARANTINE!

Carol Ann, I've ASKED you to contain the virus and for Christ's sake, get it OUT of the gardennn!

She’d get so thirsty she’ll go cruising for cock along the coast, picking up ripped truckers, but fuck them only after they take a nice, long disinfecting bath filled with her 100-proof vodka

R20 May I steal that for a Coronavirus Freakout thread installment title?

HELGA!! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT WHEN YOU'RE DISINFECTING, YOU HAVE TO DISINFECT THE DISINFECTANT FIRST?!! You have to stay on top of things EVERY MINUTE! Pour me another one, Carol Ann."

I'm Hollywood Royalty but DO NOT walk me to my car.

"I don't give a shit WHO you are - 6 feet, bitch!"

This thread was EVEN FUNNIER when we did it THREE WEEKS AGO

It's true, I tell you. Vodka kills Corona!

Why can't you give me the SIX FEET that I'm entitled to!!!!!

This is what she would be doing all day, while chugging glasses of vodka.

Entertaining at home means planning and preparation... and then the host can enjoy herself.

More importantly, how is Faye doing during the pandemic? I'm sure there are some servants or valets that have gotten yelled at and had things thrown at them.