Let's be an episode of Judge Judy.

I'm Bird, stifling a hardon when some skank in a boobtube is giving evidence. One look from Sheindlin though and it immediately wilts.

I'm Judy's lace collar.

I'm Byrd's enormous penis.

I'm Doug Llewelyn...wondering why Judge Judy never grabbed me from The People's Court.

I'm that one guy's cup of coffee...with KAHLUA!!!!

I'm the trashy plaintiff, and the trashy defendant, and the trashy witnesses and the trashy viewers.

I’m the plaintiff or defendant telling a looooong story and not getting to the point.

I am basically......

I am the line of texts that someone prints from their phone to prove their side, which doesn't really end up proving anything.

I'm the $47m per year Sheindlin gets paid for this.

Im the glass of water she glares.at you for.daring to drink

I'm the half-wit nephew of the plaintiff whose testimony has no bearing on the case.

I’m the dumb angry witness that blurts out something while sitting behind the litigants ( usually the helicopter parent of either side)

I'm stolen tupperware. DON'T YOU DARE deduct the cost of me from the rent. SHAME ON YOU!

I'm the dumb audience that doesn't understand that this is arbitration, and NOT a court proceeding. And that EVERYONE gets paid for appearing, including lodging, travel and one day of meals. And that all suits and counter-suits are paid off by the show and everyone signs a contract saying they will drop their lawsuits and never sue again. And that Sheindlin has been overturned by actual judges on a few occasions because she overstepped her arbitration powers....

I'm one of the dumb audience re arbitration.

I’m the MORON plaintiff who made a loan to the BUM defendant!

I’m the broom Judge Judy’s parents paid too much in law school tuition money to care about

I'm the cock-sure defendant who - beaten down by Judge Judy's brutal, unrelenting cross-examination - blurts out by mistake "...when he loaned me the money, ...er... when he GAVE me the money...". Judy turns to Bird and with a smiles says "It's like shooting ducks in a barrel!"

I'm the asshole judge.

I'm the fake view out of the courtroom windows.

I'm drunk.

I’m the agreement that wasn’t put in writing

I am the bad hair.

I'm the IRS, glad for the funds.

I’m the newspaper clipping sitting on her desk about pit bulls as pets.

I’m the puddle of pee that some defendant tried telling the wet judge was rain.

I'm the out-of-work Broadway actors getting paid to sit in the "courtroom"..

Out of work Broadway actors of any stature go to lunch with their agent at expensive restaurants, R28.

I'm her current, schoolmarmy hairstyle, pulled back into a homely ponytail even though I get a $47M salary.

I'm LaShonda, the plaintiff's girlfriend's sister wanting to get in on the drama. I'm telling a nonsensical convoluted side story. Judge Judy rolls her eyes and snaps at me.

I am the vengeful plaintiff who played house with the defendant instead of marrying him, found out he was a cheating asshole, and am now asking Judge Judy to address, item by item, all of the money I spent on this bastard GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK.

I'm the sushi that's been ordered for the Judge's lunch. I'm the reason she is rushing the plaintiff and defendant through their case.

I'm the stupid DL'er who doesn't know that JJ's audience is actually paid audience members to elicit the correct reactions.

I'm a pitbull mix.

I'm the well-composed Karen who's demeanor slowly breaks down as the judge explains I'm not above the law as I thought.

I'm Karen, furious that my self serving lies and hypocrisy are being exposed by this mean judge. I mean, I own horses!

I’m Judy single white femaling Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

I'm Byrd's BBC, bulging at every opportunity that I get called upon to open up the Kelley Blue Book and check the value of some shitty truck being argued over.

I'm the defendant who is about to win the case but is so stupid that I have to get the last word in and because of it, reveals significant information that causes me to lose the case.

I'm camera person Easter Xua (as noted in the closing credits), wishing I could use my surname in a game of Scrabble.

I'm the tough decision JJ makes in family matters, the only cases she's really qualified to rule on.

I'm the boss, applesauce!

I’M SPEAKING!

I'm Blind Justice peaking out from under my blindfold during the opening montage, metaphorically calling into question Judge Judy's integrity.

[quote] I'm the tough decision JJ makes in family matters, the only cases she's really qualified to rule on.

That's right, and she does them very well.

I’m the cheesy stock footage of Central Park played with bumper music before the final segment. It’s strange since it’s filmed in L.A.

I'm plaintiff Coca Coleman.

I'm Byrd, doing my crossword puzzle, kinda otherwise bored since Judy Judy's shtick is getting a passe since we've been together years and years. Still, she did take me along and negotiate a huge salary for me, so I'll look up the values in the blue book, take documents back and forth between the defendants and/or plaintiff and the judge, and look tough and assert myself when the judge tells me to interject myself in a fight between plaintiffs and defendants. But I really want to get back to my crosswords.

I'm the plaintiff with over 1000 pages of documents with post-it tabs on them. I still can't find the one thing that JJ needs.

I'm Byrd, assessing the evidence as he hands up documents from the parties to the judge.

I'm Byrd, who would be fired from any other job in America for doing crossword puzzles most of the time, especially in front of the boss.

I'm the documents the plaintiffs/defendants bring in that are somehow already highlighted for JJ.

R53 Litigants in person do that in real life.

R54, but it's clearly done for the benefit of the cameras as the documents are invariably brought up and we get a close up of the offending passage.

I’m the parent or friend who’s immediately dismissed with their tail between their legs because they weren’t there.

I'm the story that doesn't make sense, and since I don't make sense, I'm not true.

I'm the defendants who forget they're supposed to be in a courtroom and walk out through the studio rather than the doors in the back.

I’m the defendant who didn’t bring any witnesses who can help my case, but Judge Judy can call them if she wants. I have their phone numbers with me I think.

I am the judge's chambers: bare, empty except for a desk, a chair, a telephone and the Blue Book.

I'm the big fresh mouth!

I’m the Vaseline smeared on Judy’s camera lens and only her camera lens.

I'm the judge's fingers, dripping with gemstones.

I'm the desperate woman who "loans" her boyfriend money. I loan him money again after the first cruise vacation. And again. After we break up I want all my shit back.

Judge Judy, whom I LOVE, usually sees through the shit, and only makes the person guy pay for the first loan.

I'm the calculator in Byrd's pocket. I'm not called upon for any complicated math, just adding, subtracting, and maybe multiplying.

Wow, didn't realize Judge Judy changed her hair. Looked better before. I agree she is trying to channel Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

I'm the plaintiff and defendant, ex-girlfriend and ex-boyfriend who cohabitated, commingled funds, and cosigned loans together. Judge Judy told us not to "play house" and expect her to untangle our finances.

Also, that bail money was a loan, not a gift!

i'm the loser defendant or plaintiff who outsmarts the judge and/or tells her off, but it's cut and edited from the episode...

i'm the place and people she is in a hurry to see and doesn't have the time for the long drawn out story, but of course their actually isn't any place or people she needs to see in a hurry...

In addition to "basically", as mentioned by R8, I'm the liberal use of "like", double negatives, and "uh huh" in place of "yes".

I'm a lot of "who shot John," and you'd better not give it to her.

I'm the plaintiff or defendant who's been talking too much, and when Judy says to them "You have two ears and one mouth for a reason" and they say back to her "so do YOU" - it gets cut. And "ummm" is not an answer. :)

Does Byrd really do crosswords in the courtroom? I can't believe Judy would allow that

I’m Judge Judy getting the fuck out during an earthquake. No fucks given about anyone else.

R47 I'm the director who wonders about people who think our show if filmed? Can 't they tell from the crisp image that we record digitally.?

I'm the dirty upwards glances she gives to the participants when she is about to look at documents she doesn't believe.

R73 lol good old Jude was going to hold herself safely in her chambers' doorway

I'm the simple answer to the simple question. Unfortunately I don't exist in this kangaroo courtroom.

I am the hapless moron who puts his hands in his pockets when assessing Her Worship.

I'm all the loans that magically become gifts the second anyone breaks up with anyone.

I'm all the gifts that magically become loans the second anyone breaks up with anyone.

I'm the defendant that didn't bother to take a shower before being on national television

I'm the roommate (defendant) who moved out and stopped paying rent before the lease was up. However, I left assorted, personal crap in my bedroom, so my room couldn't be rented out after I "vacated."

I'm the segment producer who tells plantiffs and defendants that it's okay, even encouraged, to try to talk over Judy and argue with her a little bit so she can go off on you.

It's why you're here.

I'm the defendant who recently lost her phone, so can't show the thread of nasty text messages sent to her ex. Fortunately, the defendant didn't lose his phone and has every text message sent.

JJ: "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever."

I'm Judge Judy's back office with desk and land line phone. Judge Judy uses me when she wants to call a witness who should actually be in court. The witness is, somehow, always available immediately by phone. Judge Judy, again, gets to the bottom of a situation in this back office.

You can bet when someone crosses their arms that she'll say "Uncross your arms".

If they hesitate for a second with an "um", it'll be "um is not an answer".

"You think they keep me here because of my looks"? or "They don't keep me here because of my looks"

"If I had my way, I'd be 5 foot 6 (or 8)"

"Byrd would you do me a favor and look up [some car model] in the Blue Book"

"Beauty fades. Dumb is forever"

"Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining".

Im the freshly bought dress shirt that still has the folds pressed in it. I was removed.from the bag for the first fime just to be worn to court.

I'm the question that requires a yes or no answer, so spare me your circumlocution.

I'm the skimpy, inappropriate nightclub attire worn by some young female litigants who want to show the world how fine they are. I'm cheap wigs and one-shoulder polyester tops.

What R85 said.

I'll sentence em all, and we'll stay all night!

I am the defendant who has brought along three of his six baby-mommas for no apparent reason.

I am the gulls expecting a fair trial.

I'm the exact same phrases Byrd has repeated for decades on this show, such as "all rise," "parties have been sworn in," "have a seat (if witnesses are present)," and "parties are excused, you may step out."

His wife is/was a producer on the show. I’ve met him—nice guy. Does he still wear that giant ring?

Im Byrd's shitty attitude. I guess getting paid millions to do crossword puzzles is exhausting.

I'm the losing party who disagrees with the judge's decision, even though the actual applicable law has been explained three different ways.

I'm the losing part, who doesn't actually loses, because the shows pays for all the claims for plaintiffs.

I’m the Tea Dance these idiots without documentation thought they were coming to.

I’m the real-life, sexy, latino, gay porn, muscle daddy that tricked some straight woman into lending OOPS I mean giving me money.

I’m pretty sure when Judge Judy went back to her chambers, someone brought to her attention that I prefer dick not vadge, then popped in my three-way with Antonio Biaggi for her to examine. Or maybe it was the one with the guy young enough to be my son.

I will, of course, lose this case.

What's this about Byrd and crosswords?

Not sure if this photo is real, but I guess he's been busted doing crosswords while JJ was on the bench.

Thanks R102

I'm the dufus litigant who dressed for the beach because he figured since had to come to California to tape the show...

I'm every other case being about a dog attack or some neighbor otherwise not controlling their dog.

There have been cat cases, too!

Judge Judy really gets into cases involving dogs, very empathetic to dogs and knowledegable about breeding, etc. Here she is with her Shih Tzu dog.

Judge Judy once sold a beautiful house simply because she wanted one more dog. Her Homeowners Association allowed only 2 pets per household, and she wanted to add a third. Her husband asked "You would really sell this beautiful house and go through all the hassle of finding a new home, packing and moving, and setting up again just to get one more pet into our household?" Her answer: "Yes".

[quote]I'm every other case being about a dog attack or some neighbor otherwise not controlling their dog.

I'm every other case being about a pit bull attack or some neighbor otherwise not controlling their pit bull.

In their defense, both Judy and Marilyn Milian have both somewhat changed their tune about pit bulls. Now they are more focused on the liability of the owners rather than the inherent nature of the dogs.

I’m the hypothetical tuna fish sandwich.

I'm "you ate the steak", one of her best analogies.

R108 - “there are plenty of beautiful homes, but only one Scout” I saw that episode.

I know I'm a Mary but I love Judge Judy. Been watching her since I was 11. I haven't seen the show in a few years though. She should have run for president against trump 4 years ago. She's a democrat with a backbone, but also a realness about her. Yet she is very pragmatic, doesn't believe in making excuses, and not a fkin socialist. When you watch the show enough times you kind of pick up on her politics.

I'm waiting for her to humiliate one of the adults by having them come up to that area near her bench that she sometimes has young children sit in when they testify. (Unless, of course, I've missed her doing this.)

That's funny, R115. I don't think I've ever seen Judge Judy make someone testify from that area near her bench. That area is reserved for little kids so JJ can stare them down and make sure they're not lying to her.

And still they lie........

Has she ever had her nudes leak?

R115 / R116 - it happened in the infamous "looserds" case. JJ had one of the defendants (not the blonde girl, her friend) sit in that chair and made her answer questions from there.

I'm the infrequent recess cases where JJ allows the litigants to gain documents or witnesses and the even more infrequent cases where she hears the case a few weeks after the original.

No, R118, you're thinking of "Dr." Laura

I'm Judy's damp knickers after hearing a case with the gorgeous defendants

I'm Judge Judy's husband. I am never thought about, or referred to. I am glad to be an afterthought, because while the show is being taped I bang blonde waitresses. Well, until Judy found out. Now I am kept on a very short leash, like her dog

I'm Judy's husband who took over the "People's Court" and flopped, and Judy never lets me forget it.

I am judge Judy’s husband, who buys a lot of things on Amazon, such as toothpaste and razors

I'm the documents in R67, R79, and R80. I'm always missing from the losing parties' sides.

Will the real Judge Judy husband please stand up!

I'm a litigant's government assistance. The judge won't fail to remind everyone that she and Byrd are paying for me.

^^^^Well, Byrd gets his gubmint cheese salary and most does crossword puzzles and rolls his eyes.

I'm the gay litigants and lesbian litigants. The show always groups us together.

I’m Judy’s diamonds that got exponentially larger with each new syndication deal.

I’m the disco some lazy defendant thought he was coming too.

read that byrd got paid 500 thousand a year? for doing nothing and having a lazy, tiresome snobby attitude too! he knew and worked with/for judge judy and she took him along for the ride on her show all those years ago...

I'm Bird. Doing nothing but still acting bothered to walk three feet.

Byrd is the modern equivalent of Stepin Fetchit.

I'm a white man of a certain age, usually the plaintiff and with a narcissistic streak, who takes it upon himself to Calmly Explain to the judge why her "opnion" is wrong, with always amusing results at his own expense.

Byrd is there to BE gruff and intimidating. Where did you think you were coming today??

Today's repeat actually had Judge Judy putting the guy, with multiple ex-girlfriends and kids, in the kiddie chair next to Judy. She said she wanted to get him away from the ladies, but didn't further humiliate him while there.

I'm guessing Byrd makes more than $500,000 per year. I'd love to have his job. He was putting on weight for a while then lost the weight. I would do whatever it took to keep that seemingly-cushy job.

I'm the 60 Minutes feature that got her noticed by Hollywood.

I'm the awkward rapport between Judy and Byrd.

Judy likes Byrd actually, though they must have agreed in advance that she wouldn't chew him out for when he gets nosy and starts to read through the evidence as he takes it back from either the defendant's or plaintiff's table. For all the money he's making, it's kind of insulting that he usually looks pretty bored.

I’m the four corners of the written contract.

[quote] I'm the losing part, who doesn't actually loses,

Oh, dear!

I’m the misuse of the word “borrowed,” as in “I borrowed him $20 for gas and he never repaid me.”

Judy does like to correct people's grammar, doesn't she?

At least, she acknowledges that she's bad at math.

I'm the fat rings Byrd flashes when he motions for the litigants to "step forward" at the beginning of the show.

Like this ring, R147?

I’m Judge Judy’s biggest annoyance:

Two women who physically and verbally fight over a boyfriend in prison.

She also hates pit bulls with a passion. And people who say "Umm" or say "yeah" instead of "yes", who cross their arms, who wear torn or revealing clothing, who try to compliment her to curry favor, who try to talk over her, who act dumb, who are dumb, etc., etc. She also tells people they are wasting their time -- I bet if someone ever said she well compensated for her time in any case, that would get cut from the telecast.

“UH” is NOT AN ANSWER!!!!!

I’m the rattling papers which irk the hell out of Judge Judy.

I’m the water pitcher and plastic cups. Sometimes Judge Judy lashes out if you pour water for others.

I’m the $5,000 judgement that’s automatically knocked down to $2,000 because the Plaintiff had the gall to ask for it.

I’m the $2,000.00 judgement after Judge Judge told the Plaintiffs they should have asked for $5,000.00.

I’m the “pain and suffering”, that’s swiftly shot down with no monetary compensation.

I’m the vengeful, bitchy, spiteful ex-wife. I use the kids as a weapon to get even with the bastard who left me.

I'm the counter-claim from the defendant. Judge Judy only has two seconds to hear arguments on this counter-claim.

I’m this:

Among other over-used Judge Judy lines: "You know who has pain and suffering? Me!" (plus a mult-millior dollar deal per year, she doesn't say)

"You have thirty seconds to respond. They're having sushi for lunch."

I'm the paltry sums of money and household items the litigants are fighting over.

I'm the small business owner who refuses to accept that employees must be paid regardless if the customer(s) paid.

I'm "irregardless", a cousin of "borrowed him money" and "loaned money from me."

I've been in this business for

FORTY. YEARS.

It keeps changing -- lately it's been 50 years.

Plus, she keeps on like she's the only person who has ever had grandchildren.

I’m the 25 year old single mom with 4 kids from 4 different men who says “I seen him take it” instead of saw

I’m the witness who is very obviously lying through my teeth, champing at the bit for a little of that judgment money.

I'm Judge Judy's obvious penchant for black mens.

I am the Caucasian defendant whose grammar she always corrects. I am also the African American defendant whose grammar she never does.

I'm the textas that was in the other phome I had.....

I'm the piss running down Judy's leg.

I'm the embarrassed girlfriend, fiance or wife of one of the litigants cringing on the witness seat, praying Judy won't ask me anything, and mortified that my man is making an ass of himself on national tv.

But who still showed up to be seen on tv and for the free trip to LA (and maybe an appearance fee, too).

[quote] I'm the embarrassed girlfriend, fiance or wife

Oh, dear!

My boyfriend’s ex-fiancé , Claudine, dragged him to Judge Judy. She demands lost wages for pain and suffering. I’m his new fiancé and I never met her. He drags me along to needle the hell out of Claudine.

[quote] My boyfriend’s ex-fiancé , Claudine,

Is he a drag queen? Because fiancé is a guy.

I'm that little swinging door separating the litigants and judge from the audience.

I am the dumb bitch who sues the mom of the daughter my son killed.

I'm the parent (usually mother), of a twentysomething loser on Judge Judy. I sit defensively on the bench next to my offspring and keep piping in whenever I feel my child isn't getting through to the judge on their own. Judge Judy alternately tells me to be quiet, and sarcastically says, "You must be so proud."

To continue R179:

I’m the mother, who keeps interrupting, and Judge Judy throws me out of the courtroom, in frustration. I indignantly stomp out, screaming along the way, and I slam open the exit doors.

It's such a racist show, preying on ignorant poor people and their nickel and dime squabbles.

I did not know that African Americans all seem to use the word "borrow" to also mean "loaned" as in "I borrowed her the money, but she never paid me back", which is confusing and infuriates Judge Judy.

It's depressing.

[quote] It's such a racist show, preying on ignorant poor people and their nickel and dime squabbles.

You do know it’s a version of [bold]Small Claims[/bold] Court, right? And that the cases were culled from courts across the country that were actually filed?

r182, how does that undermine what r181 is saying? The manner in which the cases are culled may be what he's objecting to.

Fortunately, no one seems to pronounce the word "ask" as "aks" anymore, at least not on her show.

I'm the defendant's rambling story and pointless details starting with the day they were born because they're incapable of concisely summarizing the main points of their argument.

r181 doesn't watch the show if he thinks only poor people of color are displayed. It's actually middle class to (mostly) poor people of all races...except Asians, who are smarter on average and wouldn't make fools of themselves squabbling over a sofa or a $400 loan repayment on national tv.

Please don't contradict my direct observation, it's so fucking annoying!

I have seen the show about 40 times in my life at my dad's house and I OBSERVED a preponderance of POC squabbling over money and it made me cringe.

I'm not seeking your agreement or approval, so please do fuck off.

R185, I’m Judge Judy actually cutting off the rambling before it gets underway, telling people to go to Dr. Phil if they want to tell their life stories

Im something that doesnt make sense, so its NOT TRUE!

I'm her new larger calculator. Sometimes she had Byrd operate it.

I'm the Blue Book which has been picked over by Byrd over the years as he looks up the value of cars as Judy's request.

I'm Judy's fly-swatter, showing litigants what she's likely to do them if they start showing attitude or stupidity.

Im something that never happened in Judy's life, therefore it never happened in your life either.

Until this thread, I thought Byrd’s name was Burt. Oy vey!

On yesterday's show, she remarked "why do you think your girlfriend is here, to see my new hairdo?"

I’m the written statement, presented in lieu of a witness. Judge Judy hates me.

Judy doesn't read written statements, unless they are of a police report, or a bill from a doctor's or vet's appointment listing what the diagnosis and treatment was.

I’m the white trash girl with the black baby daddy suing his black ex girlfriend for beating me up in a parking lot

I'm "don't tell me what you thought" or "don't tell me what he said".

"Do you see my lips moving? Don't try to talk over me or they'll cut your mic" -- I've never seen them cut off someone's mic though -- Judy just keeps talking louder and louder, which is always sufficient.

The little girl with the speech impediment on Wednesday's show needs a good slapping AND some speech therwappy......

[quote] I've never seen them cut off someone's mic though --

I’ve seen it.

I’m the flat vowels and the dentalization of /d/ and /t/ sounds.

I'm the mother Judge Judy feels sorry for because she has a crazy child.

I'm the mother Judge Judy warns to stop making excuses for her son otherwise she'll spend the next 20 years visiting him in jail.

I'm Judy's costume department who only has to deal with black robes and making sure lace around the neck doesn't has too much starch since there's enough of that reeking from Judy's neck and mouth.

R201 youre just a bitch ! That little girl was adorable ! Yes,I watch Judy every day as I live with my 80 year old mother who adores her.

i'm the phone that got mysteriously lost or broken with calls/messages that would prove someones case.

R201, and she was clearly coached.

I’m Amy Schumer slumming it with the out of work actors in the audience

I’m the sexy outfit A young girl is wearing that deeply offends Judge Judy just like many other old ladies. Most of the time she gets Byrd to escort her out because she isn’t important to the case anyway.

I’m a memory. She always says you have to have a good memory to tell the truth which isn’t true at all.

You DONT have to have a good memory.

I’m the the poof or slight tease that her hairdresser gave her to make it look less school mairmy the second year after she changed it

I’m her hurt children after she said she loved her dogs more than them....

Im the fatfuck that sold a woman a picture of a camera instead of the actual camera.

I'm Pipaw who was used like a chuuuuuuuu to-oy.......

I'm r57, pissed off that r189 posted the same thing I did yet she got 4 WW and I only got one.

It was the caps that clinched it, r218.

But that’s ok, I went back and gave you a pity W&W.

I say Poo-lesse instead of police.

I’m America. Often she says in my America things will be a certain way and I’m sure her vision is similar to Rumps. Whom She has said good things about.

And yet supported Michael Bloomberg in his bid for the nomination

I’m Mommy. Whenever someone is still living at home with their mother she says very sarcastically so you are still living at home with mommy. She must have not a very god relationship with her sons.

I don't think I've ever heard her say the word mommy

More than once. She’s part of the 1% who doesn’t know the reality of the world. Maybe she’s a rags to riches story but that doesn’t work for everyone The feeling about her is her life experience is supreme and if she did it you should have been able to do it as well.

Also more than once I heard her complain about not being able to fire people on the spot which means she is anti unions and a big red flag for being a Republican. Or being Independent which helps RePigs getting elected.

Don’t get me wrong. I watch her show but very rarely does she seem human. Basically she got famous for being a hateful bitch.

No, she got famous for calling people out and being no nonsense.

“You’re on disability? What’s the nature of your disability? Why are Byrd and I paying for you?”

I’m emotional abuse in which 99.9 % of the time the participants get zero and she mostly doesn’t even listen to them try to plead their case She always says (((( I’m )))) the one who is being abused.

I too have seen her have someone's mic cut off. And then smirk.

In the fake audience. There is not one fat unattractive person in the crowd. Years ago JJ would scold the audience if they gave the wrong reaction. Now they laugh at her so-called jokes that always Sound very hateful.

I'm a paid member of the visitor's gallery

On the old Judge Joe Brown show, there was a very beautiful African American woman who was always seated in the front row. I thought she was his wife until I saw her pop up in the audience of JJ.

I'm the sneakers and jeans JJ wears under her robe and revealed when she walks to the bench during the opening

I'm Byrd's InstaHo account.

Byrd and Judy go way back:

Byrd, who received a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice from the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, recalled that Sheindlin first got a reputation for her sharp tongue when he worked with her in the Manhattan Family Court system. One of their first main encounters came when he was imitating her — out of her sight, he thought.

“I had on her robe and her glasses, and I was doing this really good impression of her for these lawyers and clerks and stenographers,” Byrd recalled. “Everyone was laughing. Then all eyes shifted to my left and they stopped laughing.... I said. ‘I’ll just resign. Please don’t fire me.’ But she was very cool. She had a sense of humor.”

I'd love to see her whirlybird in that robe.

I’m “WE’RE DONE”

I'm the folks who actually talk up without Judy's permission, maybe some of whom know they can make a great exit (or at least get a little screen time if they don't upset her to that extent).

I'm the landlord/friend/neighbor/witness she calls on the phone who completely contradicts the testimony of the defendant. I love the look on Judge Judy's face as she walks back into the courtroom and climbs upon her throne.

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda...

I'm the vacant-eyed plantiff who tells the judge, "I borrowed him the money."

"If you spent as much time working at an actual job with the same care you took to matching your shirt with your hair"...

To a fat defendant

You look like you haven’t missed many meals.

I'm "Madame, if you were my mother, I'd also want to stay as far away from you as possible."

To the defendant that has 4 baby’s mamas.

I don’t see what they see in you.

We are the 30 million viewers who is claimant is embarrassing himself in front of

We say pfttt compared to the clown he have as President.

Is this supposed to be her last season or did the virus change that?

They can always green screen the paid extras in the gallery from past episodes.

I'm the way she says "Ah!" "OK." "Fine." when she's ready to move on after penetrating a litigant's bullshit and they're still talking.

I'm "Are you slow?" a frequent passive aggressive insult.

I'm Nick and the Hon. Judy Sheindland is about da only person who could get away with squirting me in the face with soda water.

I'm the wish to be 42, gorgeous, and statuesque, something that isn't going to happen for Judy, just like winning the case isn't going to happen for a litigant.

I'm the plaintiff whose complaint outlines hurt feelings and a bruised narcissistic ego rather than actual legal standing. Still, the show takes me because they know disordered personalities are entertaining personalities.

I'm the audience member/actor with the red curly hair and cat-eye glasses that attends the show every other episode...for 20 years.

You've seen me. Stop playin.

I’m the notorious RBG wondering why Judy stole my hairstyle.

I'm Judy's faux hairpiece purchased from the Ruth Bader Ginsberg Collection sold exclusively @ Sally Beauty Supply.

I'm the thick Brooklyn accents of Judy and Byrd, where anything ending in "er" is pronounced "uh."

Im the adorable Shitzu that was bitten by the off leash Akita in the dog park ...my owner is suing

Im the owner of the Akita in R257 who takes no responsibility for my nasty dogs behavior and enrages Judge Judy

[quote] Im the fatfuck that sold a woman a picture of a camera instead of the actual camera.

She killed herself about three years ago.

Thoughts and prayers, R259?

Or not, r260.

I'm the leotard she's wearing at the gym in that 60 Minutes episode.

I'm Symphony No. 5, First movement by Ludwig van Beethoven.

[quote]I am the line of texts that someone prints from their phone to prove their side, which doesn't really end up proving anything.

I'm me who never texts because I see shit like this.

I'm every black litigant who uses the word "borrowed" to also mean "loaned".

This drives Judge Judy (and white people) CRAZY!

You're about the fifth insensitive piece of shit to mention that, R265. Read the thread before you comment.

Are you Judge Judy, r266?

No, I thought not, so QUIT giving fucking ORDERS!

You're a freak who only has "approved" thoughts and nobody gives a shit about your condemnation. Nobody.

Byrd, please escort r266 and r267 out of the court room.

I'm the tired old person joke about not knowing how to use a smart phone.

I'm her nonexistent lips.

I'm Byrd's pair of glasses that he's looking over so he can stare at the trash in the courtroom.

Im the lace doilies she wears around her neck

I'm her comic timing.

Poo poo 💩 for the Let’s Be troll.

^ Don't poo on this thread and tell me it's raining!

Just don’t mention pit bulls.

R274 thinks ONE person is responsible for all the Let's Be threads on Datalounge.

Be careful not to borrow money to anyone, r274.

I'm the judgement for the plaintiff in the amount of $5000 awarded when someone royally pisses her off.

I’m transmitting AIDS. Let your arbitration save you now.