Toilet Paper Wars

We are animals. These people deserve to croak.

People were fighting over a 12 pack of TP today at Target. I was scared.

....

Got a big pack at Aldi. Should have gotten two.

Also TP is too abrasive for my o-ring!

My husband said the guy behind him in line at the store this afternoon had ten ten-packs in his/on his cart.

I think I mentioned in another thread that I went into Costco last Tuesday to pick up a couple of fruit trees (and ok, 2 of those multi packs of frozen chicken and nutrition shakes for my dad) and saw a woman with 5 of those bales of TP. She was shocked to see I had bought none at all. I finally broke into the bale I had bought on sale a month ago, yesterday.

Yes, I am smug.

TP is very comforting during times like these.

I want one of these

Lol r9!

Is there a special use of toilet paper in a crisis that I am not aware of? I mean, I have like 15 rolls of toilet paper at home and live in a single household. If everything shuts down that should still last for at least two months wiping my ass, right? I mean this crisis should be done when the weather is hot and the virus is dormant, right?

R11 are you comforted by all of those TP rolls?

I have a bidet with dryer function. TP is for the poors.

I have to have Charmin Sensitive, I can’t use just any old sandpaper.

Lol ppl be so cray cray.

Buy a fucking bidet, you cheap Mary! Problem solved.

Look at the fools hoarding TP. Look. It's usually the same every time.

OMG Costco is out of toilet paper!!!

Can't you make your own 'bidet' by hoisting your ass over the sink for a rinse 'n wipe?

This is so annoying, because I'm not a hoarder but I'm nearly out of toilet paper.

I’m probably stupid, but I don’t understand the frenzy to stock up on toilet paper. Are all of these people anticipating a bout of the runs, or something?

The only thing worse than the people stockpiling is the entitlement of the people stealing it from the carts of other people - to stockpile it.

They ought to be stocking-up on cans of soup. And water.

Stores should put a limit of one package per customer. It is ridiculous. I'm annoyed because my yearly subscribe and save toilet paper delivery from Amazon is due this month, and they seem to be completely out. I have enough to last me into April, but idiots are making things difficult for everyone. Third-party sellers are price gouging on Amazon, at it looks like people are reselling on eBay.

I found one $22 for six rolls, plus shipping. DL won't let me link it

Scum

Has the DL scat queen weighed in on this with their thoughts yet?

I'm with you, R21. This is why we need decisive leadership in this crisis. We need someone with gravitas who will remain calm in the face of adversity. We need someone like FDR during the Depression or after the attack on Pearl Harbor. We need someone like Rudy Giuliani was on the afternoon and in following days of 9/11.

Instead, we have a buffoon who sees this looming crisis only in terms of how it affects his chances of re-election.

Sad.

There was a guy interviewed who had the virus and one of his ongoing symptoms was diarrhea, so....

I was in my neighborhood Publix this morning and they have zero TP. I have ten rolls so hope I will make it through!

My Walmart was completely wiped out and I am down to half a roll. I guess I will have to pilfer some from a cafe or my workplace. I'm not going to spend hours going from store to store.

As far as what has been reported, diarrhea is not a symptom of Coronavirus. I don't know what people are thinking.

Actually it is, R30. Still not cause for people to stockpile though.

Those people in Australia were very lumpy.

How much tp do people use? fer crissakes.

Shameful. You really don’t need that goddamn toilet paper anyway.

This bitch I know told me that she and her other female male roommate would hide their toilet paper from their male roommate because he never purchased any and refused to because they went through so much of it. It never seemed to bother him and one day, the bitch broke down and asked where he was hiding his stash. He said he never needed it and just washed off in their shower. Ha ha.

Everybody ought to have a bidet.

We have one in the house we’re renting, and it really cuts down on the paper waste. Not to mention ‘we have the cleanest assholes in the world,’ as my partner says. (We might be the biggest assholes, too, but that’s for others to say.)

This is very weird.

The run (excuse the pun) on toilet paper in Australia was baffling to the Aussie press since TP is manufactured in Oz and they are in no danger of running short.

Earlier this week, I went to Target for a few household & laundry goods that I was getting short on. One of the things was TP.

I had no problems buying a multi-pack of TP. There was plenty on the shelves.

I normally buy TP in bulk as I have a shelf to store a larger package and it is cheaper and saves me having to go to the store as often.

After reading this thread, I checked my local Target store online and the brand/type/package I just bought earlier in the week (March 9th) is no longer even listed for purchase. In fact, none of the brand/type I just bought is even listed at all, although other brands are still listed and available locally.

WTF?

The guy across the street flagged me down this morning as he was pulling into his driveway. He’d just returned from searching for TP, and managed to snag three 4-packs somewhere, so he was pretty happy. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be discussing toilet paper with a neighbor.

This crazy frau supposedly has 16 kids, and is complaining about getting dirty looks at the store when buying it. She should be stocking up on birth control instead. This bitch reeks of entitlement.

^She should be put in chains for bringing that many crotchfruit into this world!!

I think she should wash her teens' filthy asses with rags and be forced to do laundry 24/7.

My mother told me that in the olden days she had to boil the family handkerchiefs in a big pot over an over fire. She said it was really disgusting when the dried (or not) mucus was released and floated to the top. They also used cotton rags to catch menstrual blood and boiled them, too. She didn't discuss what they used for toilet paper, probably newspaper or leaves.

Corn husks?

People are disgusting animals.

I predict there will be a sharp rise in TPing attacks in suburban neighborhoods after the COVID crisis has passed, peaking at Halloween.

And to think we used to laugh at the babushkas standing on line for a ration of t..p. in the old Soviet Union. Putin is sitting on a mountain of Charmin tonight smiling as the western world fights over toilet rolls in supermarket aisles.

I get maybe buying an extra pack, but stockpiling it? Toilet tissue is the last thing I'd be concerned with (there are plenty of ways to clean a poopy butthole that don't require TP). I truly don't understand what would compel someone to do this, as opposed to, say, stockpiling food. That I get.

I went to 2 WalMart stores and to Target looking for TP today. No toilet paper! I stopped by Schnucks grocery store and snatched up the last two big roll packs on the shelf. A skinny old man gave me the evil eye as I zoomed away from the shelf with my treasure.

I don't like to shop so when I do I stock up. I have cabinets in my garage holding toilet paper, paper towels, napkins, tissue and other staples. I also had a lot of hand sanitizer on hand because I'm a bit of a germaphobe. I keep it in my car and around the house and I buy it by the gallon and refill my own dispensers. Now I need to go check on my supply, I could be getting low.

R49 I bet you’re shit out of luck.

Eldergays! Tell us about the toilet paper shortage of 1973. Were you forced to use your fingers?

A couple weeks ago I bought two 8-roll packages. I didn't need any, but there was a coupon involved. I tossed them into the basement.

I wonder how much I could get selling the roles individually on Craigslist or Ebay?....

It was Johnny Carson's fault!

Man, I'm so glad I had a supply before this started.

People are buying toilet paper because they're afraid manufacturing of products will slow down or cease when people get sick and can't go to the factories to work, or because the supply chain will break down.

And then after the panic on toilet paper started, regular people who didn't panic needed to go out and buy toilet paper before it was all gone.

Had to order some online last night because it's all sold out in town, but every time I added toilet paper, paper towels or wipes to my cart at several different stores, it would sell out before I could pay. Finally got some store brand toilet paper ordered but none of the other stuff I needed, and somehow I doubt I'll actually get what I ordered anyway.

CNN interviewed a young lady last night that has/had it and she mentioned everything but diarrhea. She's a Seattle millennial with that "look" so you know that she wouldn't be embarrassed about it.

Here's my question: Are deplorables out there stockpiling? If this is all a hoax, then they should sit fucking home and leave the rest of us to be played by this "hoax." Deplorables have no business being out there buying anything. Stay home and pray to your golden hog as you laugh at us who fell for the Dem hoax.

[quote]Toilet Paper Wars

Is this show on HGTV or the Food Network?

Costco, Target, and Meijer were out of TP yesterday. I have plenty of kleenex so can always go to Plan B if I can't find TP.

"Toilet Paper Wars," a new reality show coming to A & E, rolling out just in time for the May sweeps.

R39 here, come to think of it, if she does in fact have 16 kids, she's probably one of those Quiverfull loons.

Okay, so these videos may remain on the internet for eternity. All the world and its progeny will see you in a fight over...wait...toilet paper. It's not a video of you saving a drowning child, protecting a loved one from harm, or winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

No, down the ages you will be remembered for smacking down another human being for toilet paper.

I’m really scared! Fuck!

I guess we have officially turned into Soviet Union 2: Electric Boogaloo. Thanks to Dump and all his enablers.

I’ll use warm wet wash cloths if I have to.

As long as there’s not a booze shortage.

I've had a bidet seat on my toilet for years, and it is the best thing every. I use small amounts of toilet paper just to dry off. I have a subscribe and save with Amazon, I get 36 mega rolls every year - of course I am due for my shipment this month, and Amazon is out of everything.

I have enough to last me through April, though. I wouldn't if I didn't have the bidet

The empty aisle in the Swiss supermarket today was flour. Now I don't know any Swiss people who bake anything. What the hell are they going to do with flour for a few weeks, at home? Tasty bread isn't made by novice bread bakers. Why don't people buy flatbread and crackers and call it a day?

Can you steal TP from McDonald's or Taco Bell?

Desperate times call for desperate measures...

Way to give everyone an idea, R70

CUnts will be CUNTS

An Australian newspaper included extra blank pages for emergency usage.

Let's face it, how clever is that?

That's hilarious and scary, R73. But if it's a Murdoch rag, it was only ever worthy of being covered in shit.

Toilet paper is the new status symbol in America. Whoever has the most wins.

I bought a four-pack last week. I'm very lucky I did that, because this morning there was none at my local WalMart. Below the bare shelves were paper signs that read "One per customer."

The local Safeway was smart and created a huge makeshift display (a pallet) of their house brand of TP right at the store's entrance.

You can always stick your ass in the bathroom sink and wash off that way.

And it begins....four rolls for $30

I go through a roll in about two days, it goes fast.

I'll bet that fast-food employees will soon be selling those giant roles of TP on eBay.

Those people who are buying five 12-packs must have 20 people illegally living in their home, or they're planning to sell the product for a profit.

People have been stealing hand sanitizer from local businesses in my area. It's not a huge deal since you can survive without it, but I can only imagine what will happen if customers start stealing toilet paper.

We can be like Ancient Romans and use a wet rag on a stick!

Cans of soup, r23? To die of sodium poisoning? (Read the labels.)

I was Aldi this morning and they were out of TP and most paper products, in fact some aisles were almost completely empty. People were panic buying. End Times!!!

At Target today I heard an old man call one of the employees a ‘bitch ass cunt’ because they were out of toilet paper. He then accused her of hoarding it and keeping it in the back for herself. It was really out of line. He said some other nasty stuff too, but I don’t remember exactly.

She was probably 21 or 22 years old and was unpacking paper goods with another guy and stocking the shelves, and they had put toilet paper up a little earlier- but of course by the time the asshole arrived, it was all gone.

She took it pretty well and was just like, “oh well, we’re out”

All the paper towels, wet wipes, big packs of napkins, and most of the boxes of tissues were gone as well. Empty shelves all over.

r85 people are being disgusting, I've witnessed a few incidents myself.

Pity the poor retail slaves having to deal with the great unwashed masses. God knows what they are being exposed to on top of all the stress and stank attitudes from customers. There were traffic jams all around Costco this morning...last place on earth I'd like to go right now.

I went to my usual grocery store earlier in the week and their TP section was bare. Then this afternoon, lo and behold they had some - their house brand, and a few other brands, all 4-roll packs. Everyone I saw with TP in their cart had taken just one pack, although they didn’t seem to be limiting how many you could buy. I paid 4.29 for Scott like the stuff at R77's link.

I have friends who own large-chain grocery stores. It's INSANE. They've never seen anything like it in their 50+ years.

R34 is a terrifically annoying example of YouTubers going on far too long without saying anything. Why did she need 2 minutes for an introduction? Why doesn't she get to the point? I was hoping to be entertained, but even halfway through the 12-minute video, she'd said almost nothing except, get some cloth, cut it and stitch it - she couldn't even be bothered to identify the stitch as an overlock. Yeesh.

Please, cuntish fellow Dataloungers, write your favorite mass retailers, and tell them they didn't do enough to stop hoarding, creating unnecessary problems.

And while you're doing that, urge these stores to sew a new immediate policy forbidding returns or exchanges of these hoarded items, including TP, sanitizer, alcohol, and water. I've already written Costco.

LOL at sew, I meant 'set' of course.

The stores need to handle toilet paper the same way they handle Nindendo gaming systems on Black Friday. Store the toilet paper in the non-public storage area. Then when the store opens its doors, hand out tickets to people who want to buy toilet paper. People must take their ticket to the service desk, and a staff person will collect their ticket and money, and then hand over the toilet paper. First come, first serve. Oh, and ONE PACKAGE PER PERSON. Of course, you might end with people camping out on the sidewalk outside the store.

A friend just traveled from the US to Australia and his friend asked him to pack an 8 roll to bring. True. Story.

Tell your friend "good luck"because he won't find it. Gone everywhere.

BYOB - Bring Your Own Buttwipes

Hee Hee, I have enough toilet paper 🧻 to last me until 2021.

Has Trump release any rolls from the Emergency Toilet Paper Reserve?

I’m greedy. Hee Hee 😜

Her in Australia, the big chains have now put restrictions on the number you can purchase.

I think you can now only buy 1 pack of four toilet rolls, 2 boxes of tissues, 2xsanitiser and 2x wipes per visit.

You Americans need to get ready for the RICE and PASTA wars to come.

Her in Oz, they are restricted now. I think you can only get a 2Kg pack of rice per visit. Not sure the pasta limit.

Woolworths’ current quantity restrictions are:

Tissues: two pack limit per shop Paper towel, serviettes and wipes: two pack limit per shop Toilet paper: one pack limit per shop Hand sanitiser: two unit limit per shop; and Bulk rice (2kg+): one pack limit per shop

Coles’ current quantity restrictions are:

Toilet paper: one pack limit per shop Pasta: two items per customer per shop Flour: two items per customer per shop Dried rice: two items per customer per shop Paper towels: two items per customer per shop Paper tissues: two items per customer per shop Hand sanitiser: two items per customer per shop Coles will also be introducing some additional limits on certain items on each store. These can vary between stores.

Aldi's current quantity restrictions are:

Toilet paper: one pack limit per shop At this stage, Aldi has not yet restricted any other grocery, pantry or cleaning items

The Romans used to use either a rag or a sponge on a stick and dipped in vinegar to get the job done.

No TP

I hope we get to see Trump tossing TP rolls to the masses, maybe from the top of the White House.

Wait a week -- there will be plenty of toilet paper after these morons are done "stocking up."

This is why the most economical bathroom design has the toilet right next to the bathtub/shower.

Having hundreds of rolls of toilet paper in my pantry makes me happy. It’s comforting.

Hundreds??? WTF, R105. Why do you have so much? Do you live at Target or something?

Fucking savages

I don't Have a Square to Spare !!

Just got back from taking a disabled friend to Walmart pick-up, which is how she gets most of her groceries monthly. They were out of stock of all sorts of stuff. No water, no TP, no juice or cold medicine.

R109 that because I was faster and got there first and stockpiled

R109 Did you check the restrooms at Walmart?

Northern is Quilted

R68 here, I am taking this opportunity to become greener. As I mentioned, I have had a bidet seat on my toilet for years. I did not go with the dryer option, because reviews indicated that it wasn't worth it, as the drying is slow, so I dry with TP. I just ordered 60 washcloths from Amazon for $30, along with a basket for the back of the toilet, and a narrow trash can that will fit between the toilet and the shower.

Now, instead of drying my butthole with TP, I will dry with a washcloth, toss it in the special trashcan, and then wash them. I find the idea of "family cloth" nasty, but for blotting a clean asshole, I think I can live with it. I went with white for bleachability in case of remnants - which are rare.

This should free me of the paper company teat - at least when it comes to TP. I already buy toilet paper by the 12 pack, which lasts me for at least six months - primary use is cleaning the toilet, and lining the bird cages.

*I mean paper towels by the 12 ack

Tipsy is the right strategy tonight, R114!

I'm about to head out to Target and Whole Foods in DC in search of TP, and will report back on this thread in a bit, but I'm seriously considering your advice in case the shelves are empty. My objection to bidets was always the post-rinse dampness, so drying with bleachable washcloths is a potential game-changer.

I just tried to shop online at my local grocery chains (Switzerland). One chain completely fried my browser, which froze. I haven't seen that for years. The other one had a fair amount of stock, and when I went to pay, they said the earliest delivery is NEXT weekend. Dafuq?

People who run out of TP will probably start clogging up sewer lines with paper towels, napkins, and Kleenex.

You don't think people haven't been flushing all that stuff down toilets since forever?

R118 Yeah, I know that, but I'm thinking an increase in the amount of that kind of stuff going down the sewer, could cause a clog overload.

Story from Oz.

This is R115 reporting back: Target and Whole Foods in DC are out of stock. The entire paper goods section is empty in each store, and I tried a few.

Incidentally, all other items are running low: produce (I didn't expect that at all, and am feeling slightly panicked), cheap dairy (but the fancy cheeses are still there, all you lovers of Brillat-Savarin!), bread, packaged goods, you name it. I hate to say this, but the Chicken Littles were right: I should have stocked up last week.

Kleenex can't go down the toilet?

Target in La Quinta CA had a roll of that brown recycled paper towel you have to tear off without section perforations....in the bathroom. I don’t think ur supposed to flush that? They had no tp in the restroom or the shelves yesterday

R121 Because of how it's made, most facial tissue on the market does not decompose the same way toilet paper does. Here's what Kleenex® says:

[quote] Kleenex® Tissue is made with biodegradable cellulose fibers. Because the tissue is made with an additive to make it strong, it will not break down as rapidly as bathroom tissue. Therefore, we suggest you discard Kleenex® Tissue in the trash.

How Stuff Works covers this as well.

[quote]I don't have a square to spare!

Well, darling, do you have two fives for a ten?

When will TO be back in stock at retailers?

I just went to the supermarket. They were out of the fancy, soft toilet paper. Only the cheapest kind left, which of course I bought😂

The supermarket was out of crispbread, expensive brands of toilet paper and hot dogs. It was also low on milk and soap.

Norwegian, we can't get ANY toilet paper over here, not even the sandpaper kind. Why are you flaunting your European luxuries?

R128 Well, the one I bought was the sandpaper kind. RIP to my ass.

I'm starting to feel like a freak for buying in bulk. All my friends are like "I'm low". Buying TP in bulk just seems like common sense. It's a fact of life. You will shit. I always buy the big 12 packs that will last me several months. Fortunately for me, I noticed my supply was low about a month ago.

[quote] They also used cotton rags to catch menstrual blood and boiled them, too.

But hot water sets blood. You want to soak menstrual cloths in cold water with salt or bicarbonate of soda, then rinse/wring them out and dry them in sunlight. Bleach them chemically later on if you must.

I imagine toilet paper is the currency for uggos since, for the next few weeks, they can't barter with offering sexual favors. And money's not going to be worth much (or things will be way overpriced).

A TP-fight shooting is inevitable. Stupidity and selfishness will kill more people than the virus

I predict Walmart will be a warzone in the next few weeks. And people will lose vital limbs and organs over toilet paper and paper towels.

What kind of disgusting monster washes his asshole in the shower? You know your shower pipes are not designed to handle poop, right? Toilet pipes are different fucking pipes. You're revolting. And your tub is full of fecal matter. You're going to die.

I feel I must have some kind of locked-in psychic ability! Last weekend I went to pick up toilet paper and in living in a NYC shoe box I never have room for storage and tend to buy singles. But with the four roll being $4.99 and a 12 roll on sale foot $7.99 I could resist the bargain and bought it, even though it’s on public display in my apartment. I feel like I’ve won the toilet paper wars!

They had a big pallet of it in the middle of the store I was at last night and they were busy re-stocking it in the TP aisle. There was a sign limiting you to two packs of any size.

I've just been buying a pack every time I go to the store. I don't want to look like a nut.

Well at least we know the bring your own bags thing must we working if this much is being carried off from the stores.

Of course, there was a fight, look at the demographics of the participants ... typical.

I live, currently, in Trumpland. His people are absolutely hoarding! I left Safeway last night without purchase-the lines were at least 30 minutes. We are the "city" for many tiny farm towns.

I went in thinking I could buy an item on sale that I can live without, and I am living without.

are they turning off our water? If its really bad, take a shower and wash your butt.......

I hate these fucking hoarders. I hope they all die.

German stores are lacking in toilet paper , pasta , flour and canned goods .

[quote]What kind of disgusting monster washes his asshole in the shower?

Where else are you going to fucking wash your asshole? What, you don't wash your asshole in the shower but wash everywhere else? That's bizarre.

[quote] I could resist the bargain and bought it, even though it’s on public display in my apartment.

Just tell people it's Dada, R136.

I went to Walmart this morning and they didn't have any toilet paper or paper towels. There was toilet paper at Aldi's with a sign saying only one package per customer even though a few customers seem to ignore the sign.

After talking to someone at a restaurant this morning who didn't have toilet paper at home and was now a little anxious because he couldn't find it in the stores I decided not to buy any. I have enough at home for least a month but I might have to stop taking Metamucil. Perhaps use it as an opportunity to go on a low calorie diet.

When I saw the lockdown in Wuhan last month I began my shopping. I have 18 rolls. I have food for 3 months.

I warned my loved ones but they wouldn't listen and now I have nowhere to gloat but here. One of my laziest friends sneered and said she would just have it all delivered, she called me in a panic last night, no deliveries. I had to be sympathetic but I secretly did the I told you so dance. Thank god she's 600 miles away.

[quote]I live, currently, in Trumpland. His people are absolutely hoarding!

I swear, I wish anyone who is a Trump supporter was barred from stores. No assholes who called this a hoax should be allowed to buy any of the necessities. You don't get to fucking sit there, pass around memes and tell lies about this being a "Dem hoax" and then go out and do the OPPOSITE of laughing at everyone else..

[quote] I imagine toilet paper is the currency for uggos since, for the next few weeks, they can't barter with offering sexual favors.

If you’re bartering sex for toilet paper, I don’t want ANYTHING to do with your shitty ass.

Not a decent trade.

[quote] I wonder how much I could get selling the roles individually on Craigslist or Ebay?....

I guess it depends on the actor as to how much they’d pay.

[quote] I'll bet that fast-food employees will soon be selling those giant roles of TP on eBay.

They won’t sell. No production companies are working and most shows are shut down. Even Broadway is shut down.

[quote] You know your shower pipes are not designed to handle poop, right?

Exactly how much shit do you have left in your ass after pooping?

[quote] You know your shower pipes are not designed to handle poop, right? Toilet pipes are different fucking pipes.

It’s all PIPES!

I’ll call a plumber right now!

[quote]I wonder how much I could get selling the roles[sic] individually on Craigslist or Ebay?....

People are bidding on TP on ebay and as I posted above, 4 rolls are selling for $30. People are actually so desperate, they're paying that price for 4 rolls. There's even bidding.

Scratch that last sentence as I obviously said it twice. No coffee yet.

People are stupid

I work at Macy's and people have been coming into the store to poop in the dressing rooms.

Do they think there’s TP In the dressing rooms? Why would they do that in the wake of a TP shortage?

Sure, Jan.

That's why I went straight over to the baby section of Target and bought an 8 pack box of wipes. Plenty of wipes in the aisles.

How many squares does one person use in a day?

I like to do the math.

[quote] How many squares does one person use in a day? I like to do the math.

3 x π is the equation for that, R160.

Where were you during algebra class?

People are so desperate for toilet paper they are stealing the huge rolls out of public bathrooms in retail stores.

Looks like bidet seats are getting more expensive, and selling out on Amazon. Probably doesn't help that they are almost all made in China.

Just get a rim chair. Why hasn't anyone thought of this?

I was going to write about securing my home door, weeks ago, but knew I’d be called a loon. Now, not so much.

Well, with all of them hoarding, thus more eating & drinking at home, they'll be shitting more than usual in their abodes. TP becomes essential to have on hand.

I went to Dollar General today and all the TP was gone, same with cleaning supplies. I did manage to find some Comet cleanser which i have not been able to find for 2 weeks. Weird. I have 3 packs of toilet paper (6 rolls a piece) and a 6 pack of paper towels. I got advil and pet food.

I went to Kroger yesterday to pay a bill and the store was slammed. Worse than the holidays. People were acting bitchy. No water, cleaning supplies or tp there either.

I'm prudent and ordered a case of this print online and delivered.

[quote] I work at Macy's and people have been coming into the store to poop in the dressing rooms.

I hope you are the scat troll -- because if this is true it is probably the beginning of the end of civilization.

I was at a Winn Dixie in Central Florida yesterday and there was plenty of Charmin and store brand toilet paper available. Angel Soft and Scott all gone. There was also a good amount of Clorox wipes which were BOGO and cases of water. I was surprised. Then I had to remind myself this store is right next door to a 55+ mobile home park with a massive number of tRump supporters, they probably think it's all a "hoax".

I used to be able to use lovely, soft charmin, but since we now have those fucking low flow toilets in NYC, abrasive scott.

I go out in the yard and scoot along the grass like a puppy dog.

Clean as a whistle!

I am well stocked with my prints thank you.

[quote]How many squares does one person use in a day?

According Sheryl Crow, one sheet a visit.

Can someone explain why sheeple are stockpiling bottled water? This isn't a fucking hurricane.

Listen, I don’t care for fucking Charmin! It leaves lint in my ass and gives me a rash.

Also I replenished my stock of single-malt whiskies. Priorities. In moderation whisky is a health tonic.

[quote] A TP-fight shooting is inevitable.

[quote]Can someone explain why sheeple are stockpiling bottled water? This isn't a fucking hurricane.

People are afraid of the entire system going down. People employed to maintain a city's water supply falling ill and unable to maintain the reservoir

How does even a 3% fatality rate equal breakdown of essential public services and utilities?

I’m worried about those bears who shit in the woods and need the toilet paper so they don’t have dingleberries stuck to their fur. I’m sure they are suffering in this toilet paper drought. Can we set up a GoFundMe to get them supplies, or does Kimberly-Clark have some kind of compassionate care program we can hook them up with?

R180, I'm just telling you the mindset of many people. The reaction is not a new phenomenon. People have always hoarded, rationed out of fear, etc. It's instinct. Human survival no matter if it's an overblown crisis or not. You just fear being the one left with nothing.

The issue isn't the coronavirus on its own. It's people panicking and bringing everything to a standstill by showing up in hospitals and shops all at once. No hospital, no shop, no city can manage that sort of mass demand. People getting sick (or afraid) and not go to work. What if these people work at shops, food distribution, or have city maintenance jobs? Things WILL get bumpy and it's better to be prepared than having to lipsync for the last can of beans with, say, Deplorables.

Republican strategists are working on changing the 1928 campaign slogan from, "A chicken in every pot ... " to "A 12-Pack in every bathroom ...."

[quote]Can someone explain why sheeple are stockpiling bottled water?

I'm cheap. I refill the bottles I have with tap water.

What are scat queens doing?

[quote] Can someone explain why sheeple are stockpiling bottled water?

This became a topic of jovial discussion in the check-out line at the 99 Cents Only Store), and no one had an answer.

Does not seem like shoppers at retail stores understand the concept of “social distancing,” as they are all standing on top of each other, which makes me question the efficacy of these dramatic containment measures being taken

I hide my toilet paper from potential thieves with these adorable crocheted covers.

Have produce departments run out of corn on the cob yet? .. Do you live near any trees with really BIG leaves? .. Or maybe you've got some old books laying around that you don't care about any longer. You can start ripping out pages. I think the ones in old paperback books would be the softest. .. Just don't flush any of this stuff.

[quote] Since the dawn of time, people have found nifty ways to clean up after the bathroom act. The most common solution was simply to grab what was at hand: coconuts, shells, snow, moss, hay, leaves, grass, corncobs, sheep's wool, and later—thanks to the printing press—newspapers, magazines, and pages of books. The ancient Greeks used clay and stone. The Romans, sponges and salt water. But the idea of a commercial product designed solely to wipe one's bum? That started about 150 years ago, right here in the U.S.A. In less than a century, Uncle Sam's marketing genius turned something disposable into something indispensable.

R186 I assume rejoicing and targeting cute guys searching for TP in the stores to “help them.”

[quote] Listen, I don’t care for fucking Charmin! It leaves lint in my ass and gives me a rash.

Well you’re not supposed to fuck it! You’re supposed to use it for cleaning your butthole.

[quote] I’m worried about those bears who shit in the woods and need the toilet paper so they don’t have dingleberries stuck to their fur.

Don’t worry about them. The little one assured me “my hiney’s clean!”

[quote] Do you live near any trees with really BIG leaves?

Just be really careful. I had to use leaves once, but it was a poison ivy leaf.

Thanks R189. I lol'd.

May I just say, that on March 1, Amazon had plenty of Charmin toilet paper in the "24 Family Mega Rolls" size (equal to 123 regular rolls).

It is currently unavailable. I guess there are few former Boy Scouts on DL.

R187, Here's your answer: People don't want to leave their homes for a long while. Get it now? Stores cannot be sanitized.

R188, Have you seen the latest pressers of Dear Leader? Everybody standing close, behind a man who has had hand contact with Covid victims.

Yes, Bolsinaro is lying. So is infected Trump.

R135, Do you actually not know the difference between pooping and washing?!

From the LA Times: ‘We’ve never sold out of pork butt before’: Inside 22 L.A. grocery stores

r197 does your kitchen sink produce water?

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Don't want to mess up the bath tub? Consider hosing off outside and fertilize the grass while you're at it.

The Trader Joe's, Target and Stop and Shop have been decimated in my Brooklyn neighborhood. But the local 'gourmet' market was pretty well stocked. Plenty of TP, fresh vegetables, and dairy. They were a bit low on pasta and the bread was very low, but those were the only shelves that were approaching empty. I got lettuce, asparagus, tomatoes, a huge tub of oatmeal - which was on sale, almond milk - which was also on sale, chicken and some pork chops. I was craving a good hamburger but they were out of ground meat.

I live on the first floor of an apartment building, R203, so I'd be putting on quite a show for my neighbors.

Like R204 my local big chain stores are a warzone but I found liquid soap (grabbed 2 bottles) and a shelf of TP (I have plenty but told friends) at one of the mom and pop shops hidden in my neighborhood.

I went to 2 places on Wednesday and 6 different places today and no TP. I am going to end up getting Coronavirus just trying to find fucking toilet paper.

I just bought a bidet attachment for my toilet. Should be here next week. I'm all set. But be advised, they are selling fast.

I live in Florida and keep a stash of toilet paper and paper towels in my hurricane/Armageddon supplies. Who knew I'd need them in March

I don't want to over-sell it, R208, but it will change your life. If you don't believe me, just wait until the next time you get the runs.

Bidets are on sale. Fuck toilet paper.

The toilet paper hoarders / price gouging re-seller should be shot on sight. What a dick move. And people will actually die if they’re unable to properly clean infected shit from their bodies. The TP criminals should be treated as such.

That asshole in the NYT article is disgusting because he took from so many people in different communities. His greed will lead to people getting sick because they had no access to sanitizers

Just got back from the grocery store - rather big one for a city.

No TP, no paper towels, no baby wipes, no kleenex, no tissue. Basically no paper product in sight.

PLUS, no eggs, pasta, beans, milk, bananas or tortillas. Lots of everything else.

I thought that was a strange combo of items. Bananas? Tortillas? Why is there banana hoarding? Tortillas? I didn't look in the bread aisle - maybe that's all that was left.

Bananas are filling

There are no bananas anywhere. It’s weird, given how quickly they go bad.

People are legt stupid, you can just shower after taking a shit, unless these whales shit day and night idu the tp hoarding.

I shit in the morning and shower at night.

Haha, r201. I routinely use my empty Coke bottles as water bottles. Straight from the tap.

Always remember. . .

Oh dear!

Don't really get the over-buying of perishable items like milk and bananas ??

But I suppose if the whole family consumes sour milk and black bananas, then they might feel real smart about having bought so much toilet paper.

Black bananas will clean you out real good! It's nature's version of Liquid Plumber.

Foods to avoid if you REALLY have this pneumonia - bananas, cheese, chocolate, honey, elderberry, and all fermented dairy. These foods fuel cytokine storm.

Thanks for the advice, R224

Quit complaining about toilet paper.

Get a fukin rag.

Wipe your dumper.

Clean the rag for tomorrow's dump.

Repeat.

I’m gonna wipe my asshole on your shirt.

Why are you men so upset? Don't you only have to use toilet paper once a day? Women have to use it EVERY TIME they visit the restroom: up to eight or nine times a day.

Yet another reason to be glad I'm not a woman, R228.

R228 - fair enough. I go through about one roll a month. But I'm out and there's nothing anywhere.

I'm gonna have to go to McDonalds and just run through the drive thru on a loop ordering value meal items and asking for extra napkins.

The toilet War shows no signs of ending in Australia

If I run out of TP, I have this:

Clean and tingly.

I was watching LivePD and at a Pomona Target, they said they'd be having deliveries tomorrow. They open at 6am, so go early, west coast bitches!

Sorry, Tomorrow as in TODAY - Sunday

women sit on a toilet 9 times a day? I had no idea.

I shit 3 times a day.

R226 = A survivalist hunkered down somewhere in the mountains of Idaho and can't remember the last time he used shithouse paper.

🚽 I can't remember the last time I used real toilet paper.

R214, I suppose tortilla's would make sense - they last longer than a loaf of bread. I almost always have them in my refrigerator to make wraps. I live by myself, so a loaf of bread - especially fresh from the bakery section, will go bad before I can finish it.

tortillas are incredibly easy to make, if it comes to that. You can get fancy, but all you need is flour, fat, salt, and water. I prefer making them with butter, but you can use bacon grease, vegetable oil, what have you. A rolling pin and a hot skillet or griddle are all you really need to prepare them. Homemade tortillas taste way better.

[quote]I'm gonna have to go to McDonalds and just run through the drive thru on a loop ordering value meal items and asking for extra napkins.

The McDonald's in my area closed the dining room and is drive-thru only.

[bold]Why Are Fancy Groceries Madhouses, But Regular Chains Humming Along As Usual?[/bold]

I will say this. If you need to go to the store, do not go during prime time. Afternoons and evenings. Go early in the morning. I'm talking before 10 AM. Actually before 9AM. There are fewer people and they aren't as crazy. The staff is calmer and more helpful. But honestly, I saw real fear in the eyes of the clerk bagging my groceries a few days ago. He wore no mask and had a fatalistic attitude. I guess when you're very young you can afford fatalism.

I'm not gonna fight anyone. I'm going to the store around 10 AM on Tuesday or Weds. The work from homes ought to be busy working.

That looks like it was shot in fucking Lebanon or something, R231.

Well the regular-people grocery store in my area is pretty picked over r242 and we don't even have a confirmed case in our county yet. I don't know about the more upscale places because I don't go there...

We have three groceries in town: the fancy schmancy Hy-Vee, the middlebrow Kroger, the charming and rustic Walmart. The Hy-Vee is apparently a war zone (I haven't been) and the Kroger was fine, except the basics were gone: no milk, toilet paper, eggs, rice or tissues. Apparently the Walmart is well stocked but it's all dented cans and open packages with missing rolls of TP.

I miss the days when we had a gourmet grocery, plus local farmer's markets and groceries. They would have been fantastic during this. But the fucking Walmart opened an enormous superstore and drove them all out of business.

[quote] There are fewer people and they aren't as crazy.

I am currently in a suburb Stuttgart, Baden Württemberg, Germany with my family (which lives there permanently) and my local Aldi store was full at 8 am on Saturday morning. But then on Friday it was announced that schools and kindergartens would be closed coming Tuesday until 20th of April. Plus Stuttgart's Nightlife is closed down as well. Bars, clubs, cinemas, spas, saunas, swimming pools, etc. all told to shut down. Germany isn't kidding around.

You would think people had to shit 25 times a day with this toilet paper madness.

R249, as others pointed out, women need to wipe for piss and shit and bleeding. Gross, I know, but a reality check for people like you.

Women don't need to buy five 30 packs of toilet paper, even if they use it for peeing and period blood.

"Why Are Fancy Groceries Madhouses, But Regular Chains Humming Along As Usual?"

This article is so wrong. I live in Trump Country and you can't find toilet paper anywhere here. And this is at regular stores, not "fancy" ones

R252, because it's a link to "The Federalist" - their agenda is obvious.

The "regular" grocery stores in my area are out of tp and other things too. It's not just the stores like WF and TJ.

I went to the 99 Cent Store today and they were well stocked and not busy. I still have PTSD from attempting to go to WinCo Friday morning.

The Aussies handled the contretemps correctly, they quarantined the hoarders and had em escorted off the premises without allowing them to make the purchase.

That’s why we used to send our prisoners to Australia.

The Aussies should permanently quarantine Margaret Court

I went to Home Depot at 6 am Saturday. About five or six people were at the door when they opened. A couple was asking if they sold toilet paper (no), but otherwise, pretty normal. I went to the cleaning products aisle and no Lysol or anything like that, but otherwise they were very well stocked.

I got done there quickly and went to Winco. No shopping carts in the parking lot or store. The line inside the store was a mile long. I don’t know what happened to the shopping carts unless they sent them out to be cleaned. There were a lot of shoppers but I’m not sure there were enough to account for every shopping cart everywhere being missing, except for people in the checkout line. No hand baskets either. The parking lot was full of people walking into the store, finding no shopping carts and walking out. This was about 6:45 am.

On the way home, I drove by Sam’s Club, which opens for premium members only at 7am. Regular opening time is ten am. The parking lot was jammed with people waiting for the store to open at seven.

I went home and spent the weekend inside the house organizing. I have some errands I have to do on Monday, and I’m thinking it’s only a matter of time until we’re on lockdown, so I better get it over with.

The stores could stop this. All they have to do is limit the amount of certain items. For example: no more than three packages of toilet paper. If you want a 12-pack, like 12 mega rolls, a two pack. Now some people will go to more than one store but fuck it. None of these fights.

How long do they think this quarantine is going to last??? Wuhan is getting back to normal...so let's say worst case scenario, 2 months? How much does a family really need to have on hand? I live alone and I go through maybe 6 rolls in a month or so.

[quote]The stores could stop this. All they have to do is limit the amount of certain items. For example: no more than three packages of toilet paper.

The grocery stores in my area are doing this, limit of 3. I haven't heard of any fights so far. This is Fairfield County, CT.

[quote]I live alone and I go through maybe 6 rolls in a month or so.

Same. And as others have said, if I run out there's always the shower!

I’m rationing my own tp reserves

"PURCHASE REMINDER: WinCo will not be accepting returns on products over-purchased related to the Coronavirus pandemic (or otherwise). This includes, but is not limited to: water, toilet paper, cold medicine, canned goods, and antibacterial products. Please purchase only what you need. We will continue to address quality concerns as always, and on a case by case basis. Thank you for understanding."

The store policy should go further and restrict the over-purchasing of needed items.

Tony Fauci says to plan on 8-9 weeks, R261. Even in a lockdown, grocery and drug stores should remain open, though.

Trader Joes in CA is limiting how much of everything that people can buy. A friend went this morning and said it was much better than it has been.

The panic buying will stop in about a week. Right now it's fear and seeing others panic buying that causes this.

This too, shall pass.

I'd do him for a pallet of TP.

Went to the supermarket this Sunday morning to pick up a few routine items. I have two friends that work there. The store was packed with people, over four times the number of people that one would see normally for the time. They said it has been crazy. No toilet paper there or elsewhere in the town, with four supermarkets and a Dollar Store in the area. Paper towels ran out, no Kleenex tissue, wet wipes were gone, bread was nearly out, they were replenishing fresh meat, most milk and juice were gone. Laundry detergent and other cleaning products were about totally gone. I observed a woman using two full carts. She had one cart full of all canned goods, including maybe a dozen or so of the huge cans often seen on the bottom shelves. What she had could feed an army brigade.

Fortunately, I have the essentials at home, but don't hoard. I had bought TP, tissue, paper towels the beginning of the prior week. Such should be fine for the next three weeks or so.

This is a small city in the southeast.

This isn't a forthcoming weather disaster whereby buildings, goods, and services, will be destroyed or unavailable, and FEMA and charities could struggle to help you People are nuts.

My boyfriend's father was at the grocery store and the clerk was pushing out 2 boxes of toilet paper and they never hit the shelf because people took them all right from the box. Thankfully he was able to get an 18 roll of Charmin for me. I have been to 8 different places the last few days searching for TP and was starting to get a little paranoid since I was down to my last roll of TP.

How sweet. Your boyfriend's father loves your anus.

[quote] the clerk was pushing out 2 boxes of toilet paper

Ouch!

[quote]I observed a woman using two full carts. She had one cart full of all canned goods, including maybe a dozen or so of the huge cans often seen on the bottom shelves. What she had could feed an army brigade.

Selfish cunt. Lots of people right now have no consideration for others.

R271 Trust me father in laws of gay boys want no knowledge of their son or son’s spouse’s anuses.

If things get worse, and they probably will, we may be faced with rationing.

My friend's wife has parents living in mainland China but closer to Shanghai. She said things are slowly getting back to normal but everyone has to wear masks and follow other rules. She didn't say specifically. The thing is, we have to start testing. No way to know whether things are slowing down unless we can measure and we can't measure without testing.

I work at a Target in FL. Today we had a decent amount of toilet paper come in, as well as aloe and Lysol cleaners with bleach (non aerosol) and disinfecting wipes. We only got about three hand sanitizers and those went fast. People were lined up before 8 am open for the past several days, so if you’re desperate for anything, that’s likely your best option. If you can’t go early, call the store and a team member will check on stock for you. I don’t know whether we can place anything like that on hold at the moment, but it’s worth a try. Usually at my store paper products only come in on Sunday and maybe once or twice throughout the week, but we’ve been notified that we’ll likely be getting some On the truck shipments nearly every day, and that there will be double shipments three times a week for the foreseeable future just to keep up with demand.

There’s a limit of one per person on TP, wipes, sanitizer, rubbing alcohol and two per person on other cleaning supplies and bottled water. I’ve been rather lucky that no one has really made a stink about out of stocks or purchase limits, at least not to me. Our head of security told me how his buddy works at an gun store and people are also going crazy buying guns and ammo thinking they’ll have to defend themselves from the TP frenzy! scary shit...

I feel sorry for the store employees who are only trying to do their jobs and have to deal with insane, asshole customers. Some people are being real shits during all of this.

R277 Yeah, and they're basically working in an environment that's drawing crowds of people into an environment that seems like it would be a hotbed for spreading the virus with all the touching and transfer of items at the checkout stand.

I shopped with latex gloves. Took them off after I checked out and put everything in my car.

...only to find out the items you bought had them on it and now your car has it on it and .... AAAAAAAHHHH!

My asshole is sensitive. What should I do?

R281 XL Cotton Balls .. Just don't flush 'em.

We appreciate you, r277. Everyone else, we bitch about in the break room.

R278, I know every cashier is being told to wipe down their conveyor belts and credit card machines, and they always have their own hand sanitizer on hand. There are also some extra cleaning shifts being offered to anyone who wants them, wherein the team member just spends hours cleaning shelves, handles, or other highly touched areas. I’m less worried about the store being contaminated than the people coming in to shop and coughing near me. I’ve decided I’ll be taking a leave of absence anyway while this blows over. I have an autoimmune issue and can’t risk it.

If you have any old shirts, bed linens, or other material on hand that you don't care about, you could always cut these things up into squares and wipe your butt with those. .. Isn't that what was done in the olden days? .. I'll leave it up to you whether you want to bag the soiled rags and throw them away or wash them for reuse (like cloth baby diapers). .. Or, you could "go Greek" and use shards of broken pottery. WTF? .. Though, I have to say, doing that almost sounds less icky than the Romans using "shared sponges on sticks" at the the public bathhouse.

The usage of banana peels sounds like an interesting natural alternative. I was thinking, if you remove the banana with just one long cut to the peel, it could be 3-4 inches wide. Plus, it's soft, has a nice texture, and a pleasant smell - not to mention a stem to hold on to! .. I'm thinking it might even feel like your getting a rim job?!

There's something wrong with you if you have to pee 9 times a day.

It's normal to go as many as 10 times a day, R285. This is easy to look up, why wouldn't you do that before spouting off?

I'm a woman. I pee at least 10 times a day. I drink a lot of water throughout the day. I go through one roll of tp per day, sometimes a bit more. I have been trying to lose less but it's hard, especially if you have your period and have to wipe both front and back each time or else you're a bloody mess.

Ewww, TMI,

R287 = Caitlynn

HALP I NEED TO WIPE MY ASS

[quote] I haven't heard of any fights so far. This is Fairfield County, CT.

They'll soon be pummeling each other with their expensive handbags.

r287, Me too!

I'll be shopping for medical slanted type supplies for my disabled mother tomorrow morning here in OZ in the now dedicated elderly and disabled only shopping hour between 7.00am-8.00am.

Free of the savagery and survival of the fittest types just waiting to clear out everything they can and hour later.

I wonder if I will get mugged as I leave the store.

Just got a pack of 9 rolls from a Savers in London. A young black woman tried to buy six packs and was told she was only allowed two.

Aspirin is selling out quickly so stock up if you need it.

When we no work for rich man such be mister trummp we wipe with paper. Mr trummp hair peace good to rub dry off.

[quote] the now dedicated elderly and disabled only shopping hour between 7.00am-8.00am. Free of the savagery and survival of the fittest types just waiting to clear out everything they can and hour later.

How are they enforcing this? If you’re going for Mom and you yourself are neither elderly nor disabled, how do they know or enforce that you’re buying for her?

I’m out of tp. Gonna use warm, wet washcloths now.

You know, part of declaring an emergency in the state ought to be that the governor closes all the fucking gun stores. I saw pictures of people lined up for blocks outside local gun stores.

R296

You take their Govt concession card as proof. I also have her disability driving sticker as well. Plenty of ither docs to prove if needed.

Oh, I see.

Thanks, r299.

People pee 8 or 9 times a day?!

R301 If you don't you are not drinking enough water.

Monday morning here. I went to a local smallish grocery around 8:30AM. Picked up some meat (they were not fully stocked, but had a reasonable selection). Also a couple cans of vegetables and soup. And some milk. I got what I came for and a few other small things. They were not crowded, but there were a reasonable number of shoppers. Some were ordering from the deli counter.

Afterward, stopped at Target for a couple things, not urgently needed, but not in heavy demand by others either. I got what I came for.

I don't need any TP, but checked that aisle for curiosity sake. (When entering the store, I passed a woman carrying a multi-pack of Northern tp and I asked if the tp was back in the store. No, she said she found her back that had been put back in the wrong place and she grabbed it.) TP shelves are still all empty, but there was a big pallet of Bounty paper towels in one of the main aisles.

Before I headed back toward checkout with my 2 items, I passed a 30ish guy with an empty cart, walking away from the tp aisles, complaining out loud about "All these assholes ...tp; and paper towels..." I wondered if he would notice the big pallet of Bounty he was going to walk right by.

I would have normally mentioned that a huge pallet of paper towels was just around the counter, but he was so pissed off, I didn't want to chance his anger.

This is Chicago northern suburbs.

^^ should be "pack" not "back".

R303 do you think he meant assholes as in people are assholes as in sphincter?

Women can have both smaller bladders and something called "small bladder syndrome"

All our sexual organs are jammed inside, while yours are outside All that lady business gets complicated and leads to peeing issues.

Yeah, we need more tp than you. Lots more.

R306 but why do women have such fat asses and hips?

[quote]but why do women have such fat asses and hips?

Because we're built for comfort, not for speed.

R305, I assumed he meant that all the people who took all the tp and paper towels were assholes.

After all, I've been reading all the DL toilet paper threads.

That's why I went back to check to see if the shelves were still empty.

Spending too much time on DL.

Nostradamus r251 knows how long the shortages and shut-downs will last. He also knows how many people any one woman is buying for. Bravo!

I'd feel a lot better if I had two more 6 packs of TP. I'm scared to go to Target or Kroger.

Gee, r307, is your next question going to be why can men have beards? Or why humans have opposable thumbs? Or maybe why women don't need to wear protection over their genitals for sports?

I also went to the store this morning, Safeway in Five points/Uptown in Denver. I didn't need a ton of stuff, and didn't need TP or paper towels, but I did need Kleenex, so I went down that aisle.

No tp or paper towels at all. There were big signs on the empty shelves saying one package per customer on paper towels and TP. They were low on Kleenex, but not out. I bought two boxes.

I walked through the frozen section, which was pretty well cleaned out. The frozen entrees were looking lean, but not empty. The entire frozen pizza case was completely empty. Ice cream was pretty picked over as well.

I needed flour, and there was very little left, but I was able to get some. I also needed rice, and there was no regular rice to be had. They had a couple of boxes of minute rice, and a few packets of seasoned rice, but that was it. They are running low on beans as well.

I went to the cheese case and that was fairly picked over. They had medium cheddar, but no sharp or extra sharp. I have a bunch of eggs, so I didn't check out the egg aisle.

It was weird how few people and cars were on the street. It reminded me of after a blizzard, but without the snow.

[quote] Or maybe why women don't need to wear protection over their genitals for sports?

What if someone kicks you in the cunt?

I piss n shit all day long!

[quote] They had medium cheddar, but no sharp or extra sharp.

I condole you!

I went shopping at 6am today. They had a lot of TP, limited to 2 per customer. I bought one pack, not the brand I usually get, but whatever.

There were quite a few people there for the hour. There was almost no hamburger meat and very little chicken. Tons of pork that I didn't want. They had pretty much what I needed. Lots of empty shelves, not a lot of pasta.

I went to Target afterwards. My cat food comes from China and I'm worried they'll stop stocking it. There were only 2 bags on the shelf. They also had rubbing alcohol, limit 2. There are no anti-bac wipes anywhere.

I'm not going out again this week.

Restaurants here are starting to go to take out and delivery only.

I'm in TN and went to Kroger. People were pretty civil. There was hardly any produce, except for oranges and bananas and a few sad looking ears of corn. Bread was well stocked. No meat at all. Not even lunch meats, hot dogs, etc. No paper products to be found. No hand soap, rubbing alcohol or hand sanitizer. I got some canned goods and pet food and eggs.

Man I was at three Krogers and there were NO eggs. Nada.

[quote] I bought one pack, not the brand I usually get, but whatever.

Our holes are going to be so tender after months of using store brand toilet paper. My hole requires Extra Soft Charmin.

saw a bunch of kids dancing in a Taco Bell and someone asked why they weren't in school and kid said "White folks dying!!" and I was howling

Amazon actually shipped my TP subscribe and save. Product shows unavailable on the website

While in isolation, here's something to occupy your time:

How to make your own toilet paper out of newspapers!

(And please don't ask, "What's a newspaper?")

Oh, really, R321?

Despite the dumbass black people who are telling each other about being immune...

What's a newspaper?

Newspaper without the pesky ink, only $24.95

Turkey baster also works if you don't have a bidet

And drink bottles with sprays .. under $5.

^^^ Giving new meaning to the old vaudeville routine

A little song, a little dance, A little seltzer down the pants ...

If Idris Elba had no symptoms like he says, why was he even allowed to get a test?? Why would he think to? Something is omitted from the story, r324.

Tom and Rita had symptoms.

R330, he had contact with someone who had it.

R330 What R331 says, plus, I assume he's currently in the UK? .. The restriction on testing there was something that the NHS came out with, right? .. I'm thinking people with money can go private to be tested. .. This London clinic announced they can test for £375.

R324, i think the Taco Bell kids meant the fuss was over white people dying, not that black people are immune.

Small bladder ladies, look into plastic squeeze bottles to hose down your beef curtains.

Has anyone dare venture into a Wal-Mart recently? It’s got to be a total hellscape.

I went to Walmart today - fairly tranquil but busy and many of the 'panic' items were gone. I just picked up some fill-in items and a 12-pk of Corona beer! I then went to Sam's (next to Walmart) and got gas for my vehicle and picked up some odds & ends. Many of the same 'panic' items were gone - I did get a six pack of canned salmon - it's pretty good in a pinch and my cat likes it. It's rather expensive so that may be why there was plenty.

I live in Southern Albemarle Co., VA and did notice the traffic was a bit lighter than usual driving up/back from Charlottesville. I guess things will get a bit more hinky as this Virus spread develops but I've got enough provisions (and over 160 rolls of TP) to last a good while!

I bought all my dry goods in February. Sold my equities at the same time. Oh, for Pete’s sake, people!

Not a Wal-Mart R334 but the local Target and our supermarket were much quieter today than either was over the weekend.

Presumably everyone has all the toilet paper they don't need by now.

I’m in central Florida and the panic shopping continues. It could be one part "It’s not here yet", one part the sheer size of this state’s population. All these asses aren’t going to wipe themselves!

Read the comment

Stores should restock their shelves and put a limit on the amount you can buy.

I had heard rumors yesterday that some of the local dollar stores had hand sanitizer. I stopped by a few dollar stores today, but I guess word had spread around, and everyone swooped down and nabbed it all. In one of the dollar stores, an employee brought out a few boxes of four-packs of generic toilet paper. I bought two four-packs. One lady put about 12 packs in her cart. I listened to one shopper question the employee. The employee said he had more toilet paper but that the headquarters office had given instructions for staggering the stocking of the shelves. If they were to put it all out at 9 a.m., they'd be sold out for the day by 10 a.m. But if they put some out four times a day, then more people have a chance to buy. I guess your best bet is to just meander around the store for an hour or so and watch the toilet paper section. Maybe switch off with a partner.

r340 They do. If y'all want toilet paper you need to get your asses up and be the first ones in line before the store opens. Good luck finding hand sanitizer though.

You can wash your hands in dishwashing liquid.

"Toilet Paper Wars" should be in the update of 'We Didn't Start The Fire'

😱.

[quote] I guess your best bet is to just meander around the store for an hour or so and watch the toilet paper section.

So basically be a troll like the ones cruising bathhouses? And for, what, toilet paper?

Honestly, why not switch to something else as your security blanket or lifesaver status symbol in a crisis?

I have chickens, so have plenty of eggs.

[quote]I just picked up a 12-pk of Corona beer!

Why would you do that? I heard that’s what gives it to you.

[quote] and over 160 rolls of TP

What. The. Fuck?

[quote] Maybe switch off with a partner.

No! Social distancing! No orgies.

Vons home delivery where I live (SoCal) still shows Charmin 16-roll and their own Signature 12-roll packs available, with notes on both saying "LIMIT 4".

What the hell? .. How 'bout LIMIT 1? .. The Charmin 16-roll even has some kind of $2.00 online coupon available.

I’m rationing my own supply of toilet paper and being conservative with each use. I only allow myself 3 sections per wipe. Hoping to survive.

Good for you, r352. Every little bit helps.

But what if you get the “open peanut butter jar” situation? Yikes.

R352 Do you then fold and to use the other side?

I have no toilet paper. What a pain.

Lord, I hope you’re not a bottom.

Id be willing to donate some TP to hot guys, but Id need access to their holes after they are clean!

I once read that British soldiers in WWII were allocated a single piece of toilet paper per day, during WWII. I assume it referd to a perforated piece.

Wartime latrine.

Hope for a wave to splash your ass.

With unemployment looming for some workers, perhaps there's the possibility for job creation in the "Groom of the Stool" sector.

I bought a box of cucumber scented baby wipes today. A 72 pack. I'm good til Memorial Day.

[QUOTE] If Idris Elba had no symptoms like he says, why was he even allowed to get a test?? Why would he think to? Something is omitted

He has private heath care in the UK and they let you pay for a test.

I used Instacart for the first time. The shopper texted me to say they were out of TP but could add extra paper towels to the order that I could cut up in case of an emergency.

Will the Instacart shopper also come to your house after your toilet backs up from using paper towels?

Paper towels do seem to be abundant now by comparison. I’m good with that since I have a puking cat.

Wash cloth, soap and towel.

If I ever witnessed a scene like that in OP's post I would have just shaken my head that the veneer of civilized behaivor had completely slipped it's leash. I'd probably be laughing too.

Whenever I feel like I’m getting a little too fussy, I think of my Dad serving on a destroyer escort in WWII. His boat was torpedoed and sunk in the Mediterranean by a German U-boat. He was pulled from the water by a British tug. All of which was probably pretty gross. Or I think of my Great Uncle serving in France in WWI. It helps ground me that a little bit of mold isn’t going to kill me. (At least not until recently, hahah).

Any updates from the TP battlefront?

Went early this morning. The store had both TP (weird brand) and paper towels. Both a sign in the store and a voice over the intercom: YOU CAN PURCHASE TP OR PAPER TOWELS. NOT BOTH. I burst out laughing. Strange times.

I am going tomorrow morning to check for rice again, and to get birthday cake, so I will let you know

Girl, 13, TRAMPLED as toilet paper mayhem continues

You can use paper towels but you should put them in the trash like you do in countries like Turkey. Don't try flushing it.

I found a package of Northern, I always use Charmin but I figured I better take what I can get.

To the people saying, why don't you just clean your asshole in the shower after crapping: I don't know about the US, but here in Germany, water pressure in most showers is way too low for that. It's barely enough to rinse off soap, let alone dried shit in your ass crack. God, I hate those fucking showers. Anyway, I definitely need something to wipe.

You can use a washcloth of course, but that would be pretty messy and impractical, especially if you're not one of those lucky people who only have to wipe one or two times ...

There's no "dried shit" if you hop in the shower immediately after taking a dump. It rinses right off.

Amazon did actually fill my annual subscribe and save order of toilet paper, despite showing they were out of stock, so I am all stocked up.

I ordered some more, which is coming tomorrow.

The box weighs 20 pounds!

I'm down to two rolls but family are happy to give me some if I can't find any in the next few days.

I did find a couple of cans of evaporated milk and some long life organic soy milk...so the coffee needs are covered.

Thank God I was a slacker and didn't go through with my plan to clear out my pantry of all the carbohydrates that have been sitting there since I went keto. So I've got lots of pasta, flour, oatmeal, quinoa, rice and beans to trade with.

At least here in Oz we produce our own fresh and canned/frozen foods, so no-one is going hungry.

Went to the store this morning and no TP. This is getting ridiculous. I saw a local guy was trying to sell toilet paper out of the back of his car for $60 a pack and the cops stopped him.

I was not kidding, here's the article

Idris Alba was tested for Covid19 as part of an insurance requirement for the film he was starting. He thinks that he caught it from hugging Justin Trudeau's wife who has tested positive for the virus.

The news said this morning that Safeway wouldn't be open to under 60 until 8am. I checked their website and it said nothing, other than listing new store hours, so I waited and walked up there at 8am in the rain, only to find out that they aren't opening until 9. So now I have to head back out in a few minutes.

Thank you, r383. Explains a lot.

It's hard to believe that Trump didn't catch it from either a Brazilian official (I don't believe Bolinsaro, either) or a CPAC attendee.

I think that there's another issue contributing to the shortages on store shelves. A neighbor is a civilian employee on a military base. At work, she was issued a bottle of Purell, a bottle of clorox sanitizer, and a can of Lysol spray. Is the gov't buying these items directly from the manufacturers, preventing the replenishing of supermarket shelves?

R384 here, back from my second trip to Safeway. I checked out the TP and paper towel aisle - still completely empty. Rice is still not to be found. Frozen vegetables were very scarce, but they had stocked Red Baron and Freschetta pizzas - I believe those are made by the same company. Bread was very picked over.

I did score some Tiramisu for my birthday tomorrow, though

Happy birthday, R387, and I'm glad you were able to get yourself some tiramisu! Do you have anyone to celebrate with at home?

My store had Freshetta pizza too. I bought one out of panic since there was nothing left. I hope its good. The box is yuge. Looks like I could get 3 or 4 days of food from it.

Thanks! Just me, the dog, and the cat, R388. I'm an introvert by nature, though, so honestly this is my time to shine! A lot of my co-workers are going crazy, but the few meetings I usually do in person are now calls, and that makes me happy.

I would be upset if it was my 30th tomorrow, but I'll be 50, so I am past the need for a massive wild birthday party.

Just came back from Kroger in TN. Everything was restocked except for paper products and cleaning supplies. They had all kinds of fresh produce. I was happy to see it. I got pet food and coffee and managed to score a bottle of that new Microban bathroom cleaner. There were only two.

I hit Toilet Paper Gold! - was going into Sam's in C'ville and I noted shoppers coming out w/45 roll bundles of TP. I raced inside and there were at least 100 bundles still available in the usual place where the TP and other paper products (all out) were. I snagged a bundle and proceeded to gather other items on my list careful not to leave my cart for fear of someone trying to grab my TP. And, it was on sale for 21.58 - which works out to 47.9 cents per roll!

I can add today's acquisition to my current TP inventory (160 rolls + 5 rolls under the master bath vanity) for a total of 210 rolls!

If someone asks 'can I spare a square' I can respond in the affirmative. But only ONE square!

I think the secret is to find out when trucks are delivering stock. Some come in the middle of the day and not necessarily over night or first thing in the morning.

r392 you are a selfish asshole. Nobody needs 210 rolls. Fuck you.

210 rolls would be enough to last 3 1/2 years in my house (for two of us).

I'm just amused by how many Dataloungers we have in Charlottesville. MickieMac, the Costco here has been pretty well stocked with TP all week; I think you can rest easy.

The "loons" who have been preparing for a world apocalypse for a long of time and have stocked up on tons of durable goods are laughing now.

Our Meijer (24 hour supermarkets) are now closing at 10 pm. I can understand why but damnit the one time I found a TP was at 3:30 AM, there goes my late night shopping.

There are people with multiple 30-packs of tp stacked in their garage and they're still going out to get more. It's crazy.

Toilet paper is the new Beanie Babies.

Order toilet paper online from a janitorial supply store.

Duh.

[396] - I had a Costco membership - I have purchased the Kirkland TP - nice stuff but the TP at Sam's is similar and I've had that membership for years. Costco does have a bunch of stuff I like but Sam's has some equivalent items so I let my Costco membership expire. There are many in C'ville that are 'with the program' considering it's more diversified population compared to surrounding counties.

[394] - yes my asshole is very selfish - it likes being clean!

^^ you don't need 210 rolls all to yourself.

I bought some TP at 7:15am this morning at the supermarket. Some Cottonelle and a generic brand were available. Only one brand of paper towels were available. I got the last quart of milk. Fresh meat was depleted. There was plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Wet wipes were not available. Cleaning supplies were low.

I saw a man shopping with two young sons. That is outrageous. It was suppose to be the hour for seniors and the disabled, but plenty of younger hoarders were flocking in there. This is a suburban community in the southeast, and there are confirmed cases of the virus in the county and adjacent counties

Assuming you use two rolls a week...and that's a lot...you'd need 96 rolls for a year's worth of TP. Now that's per person, not for a family. I think if you're sheltering in place for more than 6 months you probably live in the wrong country.

I will say this. It's my firm belief things are going to become worse in the next 45 days. And with that will also come the desperation of the unemployed and those with no income, and no ability to "stock up." I think not only will our activities be restricted it may become dangerous out here. I'm not a hoarder. But I have stocked up on enough things to manage for the next 3-4 months. I'm hopeful things will start getting back to normal then. OTOH, we need to realize that until a reliable vaccine is available for mass inoculation, like flu vaccine, this is going to be a very different world.

My local 'gourmet' store in downtown Brooklyn had plenty of TP and paper towels. It was one of those 'green' brands but they had many cases, albeit a bit pricey. They must have just received bread and dairy deliveries because those shelves were fully stocked. Not a lot of meat and chicken, though. Glad I have eight or ten cans of Kirkland canned chicken. I was lambasted in the quick meals thread for using that, but who's laughing now?

I don't get why people use so much toilet paper. I'm female, so I have to use toilet paper every time I pee. I usually get single-ply Scott paper. Three squares is enough after peeing. After going number #2, I would use three to four squares for the first wipe...and then another three squares for a follow-up wipe. Of course, during the three days a month when I "have blood coming out my wherever" (per Donald Trump), I might use a little more.

Still, one roll of Scott single-play lasts me about a week and a half. And for the past several months, I haven't been working, so I'm using my own bathroom about 9 times a day. I usually buy a four-pack because I live alone, and my small apartment doesn't really have enough space to store large amounts of anything.

Just bought a packet of 12 rolls today. I already had 6 rolls at home. Should last me for the full 14 days.

R405, There are 52 weeks in a year. That would equal 104 rolls.

Really????52 weeks in a year? Imagine that. I'm telling you exactly how much you need. Women ought to use two sheets for pee and three sheets for poo. Now stop harassing me.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up medications. They come the curb to conduct the transactions. Inside, only personnel are permitted.

Across the parking lot, the supermarket is packed. I observed customers going into the with kids of all ages. Two Hispanic women, both in an advanced stage of pregnancy, were entering the store with five young kids between them. Too many do not understand the precautions, or don't care, and are treating this as some holiday.

I have 14 rolls which should last me a couple months with the hope supply will catch up with demand. I'm starting to worry there might be a second group of hoarders out there that didn't stock up first time around and are now running low. The shortage may last longer than a couple of months.

I have 14 rolls which should last me a couple months with the hope supply will catch up with demand. I'm starting to worry there might be a second group of hoarders out there that didn't stock up first time around and are now running low. The shortage may last longer than a couple of months.

I am using the shower routine and spraying the shower down with bleach after.

I love shitting. I need lots of TP!

Stopped in Walmart on a whim and there was a line for toilet paper and paper towels. Bought an 18 pack of toilet paper and 4 rolls of paper towels and thanked the 4 employees managing the line. I should be good for several months. Never thought buying toilet paper would make my day.

Stopped in Walmart on a whim and there was a line for toilet paper and paper towels. Bought an 18 pack of toilet paper and 4 rolls of paper towels and thanked the 4 employees managing the line. I should be good for several months. Never thought buying toilet paper would make my day.

I have a 3 month supply of TP if I'm careful. I'm using sheets of paper toweling as anti bacterial wipes. I have six rolls of toweling. I don't want to hoard anything, but things are going to get worse, so I want to be prepared. Once too many cops and firefighters, and healthcare workers get sick we will be in the shit. Then add to that people who have no income, no money.The hourly workers with no healthcare. And our hospitals are already overwhelmed.

R418, do we know that for a fact (hospitals overwhelmed). I do not that may be the case in certain areas such as the Bay Area and NY, but I haven’t heard that as a wide spread issue (not to say it won’t happen).

^ I do know...

Now that we're several weeks into this, can we just acknowledge that the overwhelming majority of society acting irrational, crazy, and selfish, are women?

I just watched a 60 something white frau lose her shit at a self checkout at WalMart, because she forgot to get some ice cream and didn't want to have to get back in line to ring the rest of her shit up again.

I realize there are many rural posters who may not have much access to retail outside of Walmart, but really this is such an evil company, where my SJW gays be at?

Toilet paper rolls are the cabbage patch kids of 2020.

That's the last time I remember seeing footage of grown humans stampeding and mowing others down in their wake.

R423 Eweeee, the image of wiping myself with a Cabbage Patch Doll, is just repulsive.

"Now that we're several weeks into this, can we just acknowledge that the overwhelming majority of society acting irrational, crazy, and selfish, are women?"

Nope

OK, with this much TP out there someone has to do a video of actually playing war with it. I’ll check the YouTube.

What's interesting about this is that the worst product hoarders are usually those who are able to get most things through work.

Imagine what the people who shop in their corporate stock closets would be adding to this bedlam.

Fortunately for everyone they usually have enough on hand to weather most crisis, so its not like they're pillaging when the stuff is in highest demand.

(State, private sector, aides, nursing homes workers, drs office workers, hospitals, clinics, home or commercial cleaning services. etc)

From R425's link.

[quote]An Evangelical pastor mocked the “pansies” who are scared of the coronavirus — as he insisted his packed church will only shut its doors “when the Rapture is taking place.”

How does know this isn't the Rapture?

R245, Yep

r429, no

Sure, r421, as long as you acknowledge that those who lied then and are lying now about everything to do with the virus---numbers of infected, availability of tests and medical equipment, efficacy of extant medicines, when they knew of it, how experts were fired---who called it a "Democrat hoax"; who are tanking the economy; .....

Are men.

They need to set up a way for hospital workers and first responders to have everything they need when they get home. This poor nurse in the UK got off a 48-hour shift and couldn't find anything at the supermarket.

Toilet Paper Wars: Florida Edition

[quote]So this woman not only buys out a local Dollar Tree of every single box of paper towels, napkins, and toilet paper so that no one else can buy any, but caps it off with this: "Donald Trump! Go Donald Trump!"

R154 eBay needs to be called out for not shutting down the toilet paper pirates. Back in February, they blocked sellers of masks, sanitizers, wipes, etc. So why not this?

There's one seller on there trying to sell 10 rolls for $280. I saw another one where the seller is getting bids on 8 rolls. It's currently at $55 and the shipping fee is nearly $12.

What people should do is to bid it up to thousands of dollars, win, and then refuse to pay. Every state has price-gouging laws to invoke. Publicize eBay’s complicity allowing it, too, to see the seller isn’t a seller there any more and they get shit for allowing it.

That’ll stop it.

This morning I was waiting for my coffee at Dunkin' (shut up it's the only thing open near me). While I was waiting, some hood rat came in and took as many napkins as she could, stuffing them into a bag, then ran out.

Trash.

[quote]While I was waiting, some hood rat came in and took as many napkins as she could, stuffing them into a bag, then ran out.

Probably explains why the Dunkin Donuts near me didn't have any napkins.

Costco won't let the hoarders return the TP once they realize they're morons for buying so much.

Hold me, David!

I hope toilet paper hoarders are arrested.

I hope toilet paper hoarders are arrested.

I get that nurse’s meltdown. I came off 3 12-hour night shifts to buy a few things. I even made a point out of cleaning up and changing so I could protect others. All I saw at the grocery store were people crowding each other and grabbing things mindlessly from the shelves. Just dumping multiples of dumb stuff in their carts while blocking the aisles and breathing on each other.

I left empty handed, but not crying. I wanted to kick them all in their cunts.

R438 I'm sure the dumbass hoarders who bought too much TP could just sell it in the parking lot, especially if they had the receipt and were simply asking what they paid for it. Better yet, if they suddenly grew a conscious, they could donate it to a shelter or some other organization. Food banks often put together sundry kits for people.

If I encountered someone selling toilet paper in a parking lot, even if it cost less than inside the store, I'd kick them in the pussy bone and tell them to fuck right off.

It really makes you wonder how many times a day some people have to take a shit.

With so many people not going into work or school where they'd use the bathrooms at those locations, they'll need more TP at home.

There should be a big shift in the supply chain from business/janitorial services to consumer retail stores.

Under what law, r440? And what exactly is the computation that distinguishes between "hoarding" vs. "legally acceptable level of usage per person per domicile"? Would toilet paper be forbidden to be used also as Kleenex?

I have been looking in stores for 2 weeks and still haven't found TP. Thankfully a friend gave me a few rolls but this is ridiculous.

R438, Toilet paper doesn't go bad. There thus is no such thing as "too much" without also defining the time-frame.

R447 Depends on where you are but there are laws against price gouging. From the story about the asshole in Tennessee with his 17,000 bottles of hand-santizer:

The attorney general’s offices in California, Washington and New York are all investigating price gouging related to the coronavirus. California’s price-gouging law bars sellers from increasing prices by more than 10 percent after officials declare an emergency. New York’s law prohibits sellers from charging an “unconscionably excessive price” during emergencies.

An official at the Washington attorney general’s office said the agency believed it could apply the state’s consumer-protection law to sue platforms or sellers, even if they aren’t in Washington, as long as they were trying to sell to Washington residents.

Tennessee, where Mr. Colvin lives, has a price-gouging law that bars people from charging “unreasonable prices for essential goods and services, including gasoline, in direct response to a disaster,” according to a state website. On Saturday, after the The Times published this article, the Tennessee attorney general’s office said it had sent investigators to Mr. Colvin’s home, given him a cease-and-desist letter and was now investigating his case."

I don't normally eat processed foods but have bought a lot of frozen and canned goods since the panic buying started and I've been shitting a lot more.

Get out!

There was a guy trying to sell TP in front of Kroger when I went shopping yesterday. I was pissed off enough to go tell security and point out who he was.

And what happened R453?

One of my friends is going to CVS this morning as their truck is delivering TP today. This shit is unbelievable. The stimulus should have made also included provisions to ship TP to every American as well.

I broke down & bought a bidet online yesterday. They're so overwhelmed by demand that it's not expected to ship til April 20th. I managed to snag a 12 pack of Charmin last week at dawn so I think I'll be ok -- unless I get the COVID shits!

r452 is he mad because she is giving the bigger packs of TP to other people?

Stephen King

How come the shelves are still empty most of the time? will it ever end?!