Bad experience with ranch dressing

I find ranch dressing to be rather low-class. So, I would take a dim view of someone who has one bottle of recently purchased stuff.

The first time I heard about the Ranch dressing on pizza was during the Iowa primaries! It's a big thing in Iowa. Is that where you live or where he's from? I've wanted to try it since I heard about but it.

I believe it is a Midwestern addiction.

Clearly, you must viciously slap him!

[quote] Have you ever dated someone, thought everything was great, and then some totally bizarre dealbreaker happened that colored your perception?

Never, OP.

I put ranch dressing on salad. But after reading your story I'm tempted to put it on pizza, because that sounds good.

Don't care for the Ranch, but Ken's Honey French is one of the greatest things ever. I have two bottles in my fridge right now, and use it on a lot of things (salad, veggies, pizza).

If it were that flavor, or their Bleu Cheese (also great) I might be ok with it.

It's even better on pizza rolls.

Ranch dressing = Salsa for white people

I have the SAME problem...but it is WISH-BONE ranch!

get a realistic doll.

if that's the only flaw you can find, you are looking for them actively and no one will match up to expectations.

-10/10

Western French Dressing here.

R13 Western French on pizza? Or are you just admitting to hoarding it? I'm fascinated with the 'dressing on pizza' thing...

Ken's Bleu Cheese is also great on pizza or as a pizza roll dip.

I like Italian vinaigrette!

They do it in Canada too (Ranch on pizza) - at least in Whistler

I was astounded.

Actually I pour Western into my bf’s ass before rimming

R18 I just read - in a different thread - about a guy who uses maple syrup as a condiment for rimming! Great suggestions.

I am surprised that there are people who have never heard of putting ranch dressing on pizza. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest and it was very common. It's really the only thing I like to use ranch dressing for; I've never been a big fan of it on salad. That being said, hoarding bottles of it in your refrigerator (including expired ones) is definitely weird.

I always put Russian dressing on French fries.

Trash!

R21 Here's an interesting piece of trivia: I've never found DIET or SugarFree or FatFree Russian Dressing at least in my grocery stores. It's always the rich and delicious original. French is a watery imitation!

He invited me to ski with him... at Les Rochers-de-Naye. I mean, really.

R21 has it exactly right. French fries with Thousand Island on the side for dipping. Nothing better. (Russian dressing = Thousand Island)

OP, that is crazy hoarding behavior. Interestingly my mom did the same thing with ranch dressing, there were always half a dozen bottles open in her fridge.

He's likely hiding other things, have you looked in his medicine cabinet or some of the closets?

On a side note, since I've moved to Reno, I've really gotten into putting ranch dressing on fries, it seems to be a thing out here.

R21 Russian dressing is NOTHING like Thousand Island! Thousand Island is a weird combo of weak French and pickle relish. Yikes!

I don't "put" it on anything. It's for dipping. Pizza rolls, pizza crust and potato skins. Occasionally!!! I know I probably sound fat.

He is poor honey. Ranch dressing goes on sale big time as it heads towards the expiration date.

Katy Perry's rider used to stipulate that hotels provide her with a bowl of ranch dressing. No salad, just dressing.

But that was back in her John Mayer days, so maybe she just wanted it to get the taste of him out of her mouth.

Uh, Hidden Valley here! We invented you low class bitches.

You can really read someone accurately by peeking in their fridge. This guy sounds like a dud.

One things for sure, OP is not getting Beef Wellington for dinner on their next date.

I hate all salad dressing, I use just vinegar or fresh squeezed lemon on a salad, no oil. But, I when it comes to others, I say live and let live. Same with people who care how other people eat their steaks, as long as you aren't eating it, it is none of your business.

This reminds me of those sexy Hidden Valley Ranch dressing commercials with a VERY deep-voiced, slow-talkin' Hot Lips Houlihan from MASH. OMG, that voice....

R32 ...and their medicine cabinet.

let me guess. He's in his 20s. Looks like you found yourself a "MAN-BABY". Hopefully he'll grow out if it, if you're willing to suffer for a few years.

I work for an insurance company and saw a claim where the insured person said their car was "ranched".

Evidently, it's a "thing". People pour ranch dressing on dark colored vehicles and it supposedly screws up the paint

R38 Whaaaattt? So that damage is specific to Ranch and no other dressing? I would think any vinegar based dressing would be most damaging to a paint job. I once puked out of the front passenger car window after a long night out. Pealed the paint right off the door. Driver never forgave me.

RAAAANNNNCH!

Was he wearing snow pants?

I've never found a bottled ranch dressing that's good. Even the "fresh" ones in the refrigerator section don't taste right. I know it's easy to make but I don't use it enough to bother.

[quote] So that damage is specific to Ranch and no other dressing?

I don't know if there is anything specific to ranch dressing. I just know the guy said, "my car got ranched". And there was an explanation in parenthesis next to it. I think there's egg in ranch dressing, so that could definitely screw with the paint and I checked on Reddit and evidently dried ranch dressing is really hard to get off a car. There were a bunch of threads asking how to remove dried on ranch

Was he wearing a pair of ski-pants, OP?

R44 Don't get the reference. Do you mean snowpants?

At least it's Ken's. Marie's would be better. But, for me, Hidden Valley would be the end.

In England it's pronounced "raunch"

see :53

The Buttermilk version of Hidden Valley is better than the regular version. FYI

I've been following Matt for several months, but he hasn't posted for awhile. (Did he OD on ranch dressing?) He seems straight but easy on the eyes. I ignore his obsession with ranch dressing.

Except to say that you were walking along a city street when, suddenly, and without even a split second to react, a complete and deeply handsome stranger shoved you from the path of a falling crate of ranch dressing, there is no happy ending in a story involving ranch dressing.

Venn diagram intersection incidence of "Ranch Dressing" + "Old Money WASP" = 0%

this is bad and weird but not as bad and weird as snowpants guy.

How far past the expiration date?

Question for all you fat whores who do pizza + ranch. Does it go on the pizza before you cook it or after?

If ranch dressing melts the paint off cars, why would you eat it?

The little inconsequential things matter. Dump him.

Ranch dressing with pizza: that's just for dipping the crusts in, right? I mean, after you're done eating the pizza part...right? You don't put it on actual [italic]pizza[/italic] pizza...right?

I was wondering the same R57. Otherwise, it's not one of those Midwestern hotdish things, is it? Please say no.

I have a friend who orders chicken fingers with ranch dressing dip every time we dine out. He’s in his 50s but that seems like something to feed children.

[quote] Pealed the paint right off the door.

Your puke made noise?

Has anyone ever had a [italic]good[/italic] experience with ranch dressing?

There's actually an infamous Internet troll called Springs1 who's obsessed with ranch dressing and goes on diatribes about subpar restaurant visits. Maybe your boyfriend is related?

[quote]One things for sure, OP is not getting Beef Wellington for dinner on their next date.

The next date will be dinner at Twisted Ranch.

[quote]Opened in July 2015, we are restaurant with a full bar, dedicated to top quality food, and exceptional service in a warm inviting family friendly environment. Everything on our menu is house-made, incorporating our very own ranch seasoning and ranch flavors in every item. We pride ourselves on our fresh ingredients, and our proprietary ranch flavors, all 33 of them made fresh daily.

Is there a Neverland Ranch dressing?

There is, but god knows you don’t want to taste it, or, ahem, ‘work’ for it.

Please actually make the real thing fresh and not that abomination in the bottle, it is so low class.

R59 mix some Louisiana Hot sauce in the Ranch and it is more than divine, children are not worthy for this heavenly succulence.

I use it as a condiment so I put on a lot. It is great with pizza and lots of other foods too.

My mom uses it on fish instead of tartar sauce.

We north easterners are still waiting for an answer to our pizza + ranch dressing questions. Is it on top of the tomato sauce and cheese? Or do you just dip the crust in it? Is the ranch dressing a substitute for one of the classic (and proper) pizza ingredients like sauce/cheese, or in addition? Is it cooked with the pizza, or added cold after?

Thank you, R70! PLEASE someone answer him. We want to know how Ranch is used with the pizza -- in? on? dipped? We need details. I'd like to try it but I don't know how and don't want to spoil that first experience.

No, I just dip it into the ranch or maybe drizzle it over. It's very very good.

The actual pizza itself, r72? Not just the crust?

Do a Google Image search on "pizza with ranch dressing," and you'll see. (The ranch dressing is drizzled on the pizza after it's baked. I'm assuming the crusts are dipped in ranch dressing after the pizza part of the slice is eaten.)

[quote]The ranch dressing is drizzled on the pizza after it's baked.

Whoever does this must only have access to really shitty pizza. I can't imagine.

During one of the Iowa rallies held in a pizza restaurant, there were squeeze bottles of ranch on the tables (just like having squeezies of ketchup and mustard on tables in a dinner). People just kind of squirted/drizzled it on their slices of hot pizza. I'm going to try it (in the privacy of my kitchen!) the next time I make frozen pizza.

It figures it would be people who "drizzle."

R76 ^^ dinner = diner

I fucking hate the lack of an edit feature on this site.

I'm going to try it, too, R76, but I'm only going to dip the crusts in the dressing after I've eaten the pizza (I get good, well, better than average frozen pizza).

One of my exes put dirty dishes into the cupboard so the place looked tidy at first glance. He also wore swimming trunks as underwear when he didn't feel like doing the laundry. Half open bottles with God knows which eldrich horror growing insiide are definitely a deal breaker.

[quote] You can really read someone accurately by peeking in their fridge.

I prefer to look at their bookshelves, but do you, Mary.

R73, yes part of the pizza too. I grew up in CO and must have picked it up somewhere but very good (I think).

No condiment is trashier or lower class than ranch dressing. I weep for OP and any other person who happens upon a cretin who eats the substance.

You dip the pizza in the ranch and eat. Not just the crusts. Drizzling is for sissies.

BTW, Ken's and Newman's Own are decent bottled ranch. But Marie's refrigerated or Bob's Big Boy ranch (also refrigerated) is the best commercially available.

Hidden Valley is crap. I know someone who goes on diatribes in real life because he is obsessed with buffalo chicken wings but a bad ranch served with them will ruin a good wing, for him.

I have to admit I’m going to try it too.

It just sounds too tempting not to try.

He’s right, r84.

Farewell, margarine. I’ll be filling my fountain with ranch from now on.

OMG, R87, this is a dream come true!!! I couldn't even imagine something so wonderful!!!!!

R88 now has to change his unnerbritches.

Six bottles of Ranch Dressing isn’t exactly “hoarding”.

Did the rest of his kitchen look like this?...

It's good on Buffalo wings too if blue cheese isn't available. I wouldn't question the ranch so much as the fact that it is purchased in a bottle. Homemade is so much better. Too much sugar in the bottled stuff.

R83.......Ahem!

RAAAAANCH!

RANCH!

Nobody wants to date a food critic, OP.

Oh FFS.

The ranch comes on the side and you dip the pizza or crust into it.

There are also pizzas with ranch instead of the tomato sauce.

LOL at the drizzling business.

All this talk about "home made" ranch dressing. Anyone have a recipe??

Bought salad dressing? Oh dear, I call that very feeble.

R96 What hellhole province do you live in where this is a thing? I came here to call Americans gross fat ranch-guzzling whores and you just ruined it. I'm not a Frenchie but I do live in Montreal and it has to be said, I have never seen anyone indulging in this particularly disgusting habit (dipping pizza in ranch) here.

R83 is right. Ranch is just - fuck. Have some self respect.

I agree with the other poster R81 - a fridge is an excellent tell for who a person is, mainly because most people have yet to start curating their fridge contents the way they do their bookshelf contents, in order to impress people.

R92 Fuck you! A1 is the sauce of the Gods, and not at all trashy. It is great not only with steak, but also fries, hamburgers, and chicken strips.

A friend of mine is obsessed with Denny's ranch dressing. A mutual friend of ours tried to buy him a gallon worth of it as a birthday gift, but they wouldn't sell it to him.

R70 you don't drizzle it on the pizza—that's too messy. You just dip the end of the pizza slice in it slightly as you eat it. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest (Portland) and this was commonplace; I learned about it when I was a kid after seeing other kids do it. It is really not much different than eating a breadstick with ranch, which is also a pretty common alternative to marinara (though I prefer straight-up marinara with breadsticks). It has to be quality ranch dressing though or it's not very good—homemade ranch is the best. I can take it or leave it, but it is particularly good on pizza that has a lot of vegetables on it.

I went to graduate school in NYC and noticed that nobody there ate pizza with ranch dressing, so I never bothered with it. I did pick up the NY style of folding pizza though, which is a habit I've never been able to let go of.

[quote]You just dip the end of the pizza slice in it slightly as you eat it ... It is really not much different than eating a breadstick with ranch, which is also a pretty common

[quote]I prefer to look at their bookshelves

Books? Really, gramps? In 2020? Ever heard of electronic media?

[quote]I went to graduate school in NYC and noticed that nobody there ate pizza with ranch dressing

No. Because in New York, pizza is enough. It doesn't need "dressing."

In all my years of Datalounging, I don't think I've heard of anything more repulsive.

Manitoba? And r99 has some nerve being from Montreal, where french fries smothered in cheese curds and gravy is the most celebrated dish, and criticizing pizza and ranch as low class.

How do you get a redneck to give you a blow job?

Stick your dick in Ranch dressing

Mamma Mia! Why do Americans put Ranch on Pizza!

I was a little trendsetter in high school, and was the one who first noticed you could take ranch dressing from the salad bar and put a little on top of the burrito the was served without hot sauce. It was a hit.

It's not bad on chicken wraps.

I was horrified when I went to a Mexican restaurant down south a few weeks ago and they put a bowl of ranch on the table next to the salsa and chips. At first I thought it was queso. Nope, cold ranch dressing as a dip for the tortilla chips. The server said it's a big thing down there.

After reading this thread yesterday I went out and bought a bottle of ranch dressing. It was Paul Newman's, and it was awful. I threw it away. I am SO ashamed.

R112, where in the south was this?! That’s an abomination! Was it a restaurant owned by r110?

As well you should be, r113. Indeed.

I think you’ve been punished enough.

Ranch is a perfect storm of taste, made for stoners and fat people like other treats. And it makes crap food more delicious. That's why fatsos in flyoverstan dip their garbage snacks into it.

[quote] That's why fatsos in flyoverstan dip their garbage snacks into it.

Well, I’m not from flyoverstan, but other than that....

I much prefer REALLY GOOD bleu cheese dressing over ranch any day!

Many people I know dip their pizza in KETCHUP. Put that in your pipes and smoke it!!!

Ranch dressing grosses me out, and I am a former fatty who grew up in the Midwest. I cannot imagine why anyone would find it appealing on pizza. Vomit!

[quote]That's why fatsos in flyoverstan dip their garbage snacks into it.

The nauseating practices R103 documented weren't from Flyoverstan, they were from supposedly sophisticated Portland, OR!

[quote] I go into the kitchen and the fridge has NOTHING in it except for some beer, bottled water, pizza takeout, and at least a dozen half-opened bottles of ranch dressing, all Ken's Steak House brand.

“Half-opened bottles”, what exactly does that mean?

I use ranch dressing instead of mayonnaise in chicken salad and on sandwiches

I would think that maybe he has trouble opening bottles, since they are half-open. Perhaps he gave up on opening one and bought-another and had the same problem over and over again. Or maybe he successfully opens some bottles but only half-opens others. He's probably reluctant to throw away the half-opened bottles because they are full and that would be a waste. Maybe he's looking for someone who can successfully open the bottles for him. Open one of the bottles, OP. You might be the prince he is looking for.

Ranch on pizza is fabulous.

R114, it was Suffolk, VA. Good Mexican meal otherwise.

They like ketchup, R119? We've got a ranch for that!

This just happened R127!

Wow it was so hard to find 800 ranch dressing recipes. It's better with homemade mayonnaise.

At least it wasn't Thousand Island .

R107 I confess I don't even love poutine. If it's fresh within the last 3 mins it's good, anything less fresh is...eh. Bad Montrealer, I know.

R119 That's a lie, stop trying to upset people.

[quote] I confess I don't even love poutine.

I don’t either, but that’s why I’m gay. I saw one once on a girl when we were in high school, but I didn’t love it.

[quote]Many people I know dip their pizza in KETCHUP. Put that in your pipes and smoke it!!!

I know a lot of white trash people and none of them, NONE OF THEM ARE THAT TRASHY!

Anyone that doesn’t like Ranch is a LIAR! Don’t like Hidden Valley though.

How about ketchup on spaghetti? That's still classy, right?

Ketchup on spaghetti is Filipino, you racist. Look at the Jollibee menu.

Now THIS is disgusting!

[quote]How about ketchup on spaghetti? That's still classy, right?—B. Kavanaugh, Yale BA '87 JD '90

Once on an episode of "The Nanny," Sylvia started to make spaghetti. She put on a pot of water to boil, then asked Fran to get out the ketchup. I've never known anyone of any variety of trash who did that, and somehow, Brett, I have a feeling that no, your mother didn't do that in Bethesda. Classico sauce in a jar, sure. Or something from Sutton Place. But KETCHUP ON SPAGHETTI????

R99 : Ontario.

Also, poutine is kind of gross and definitely doesn't even live up to shitty pizza. It has this fried dirty potato smell to it and is just as bad as the ranch dressing dipping. It smells like another version of a "ground beef and onion house of poverty and neglect".

For R138.

Sketti is prepared with kethup in this old family recipe at 2:52

R112, a Mexican restaurant near me serves both salsa and coleslaw with their tortilla chips. I thought it was odd at first, but I'll be damned, it (the coleslaw) was great with the tortilla chips.

Hidden Valley Ranch, and most ranch dressings in general, are MSG bombs. I don't mind MSG in food and I understand the argument that the phobia of it is rooted in racist views, but there is such a thing as too much of it - just like over salting something. I predominantly eat Italian food, and I know stuff like tomatoes and cheese contain glutamates as well, but it's not the same taste imo. I love Chinese food as well, but there are some places near me that put wayyyy too much of MSG in their food.

for me, it's essential for wings with fries. *drools*

It's great on baked potatoes, French fries, as a dipping sauce for crispy chicken strips, kettle chips, and veggies.

My favorite pizza is a white pizza with chicken, ranch, and bacon, made at a small local pizza stop.

Sooo good!

This is what an authentic pizza is supposed to look like. Beautifully cooked crust light an airy, with fresh tomato sauces, buffalo mozzarella and fresh basil You eat it with a fork and knife not your hands. Fuck off with the ranch dressing and ketchup.

This is what the very first pizza in Italy looked like and still dose in many placed if you have ever been there.

Thank goodness for the r147s of the world. Here's a little pizza al taglio alla romana for you, caro.