How Can Madonna Become Relevant Again At 62?

Doing porn?

Don't you mean

[quote] How Can Madonna Become Pregnant Again At 62? Let’s help her.

You queens really are the limit.

The one clear shot at cementing her legacy

Write a memoir.

She can't. She's an icon. She needs to pull a Tina Turner and get out of sight. We'd all revere her more.

By dying in a fiery car crash.

A marriage to someone very high profile

Who?

american idol?

Accept her age and start acting like it, and help young people improve their game getting into the industry.

1. Quit trying to be a sex kitten, dress age-appropriately. Flash a sincere smile once in a while. 2. Be a guest judge on one of those ghastly talent shows and *try* to act like a real person, not an imperial cunt. 3. Do a crowd-pleasing fun tour in a few years playing your old hits as the fans know them. Make it about them, not you. 4. Face the uncomfortable truth that you are in the last quarter of your life and do things you want to be remembered for.

She needs to start dressing in the old Hollywood glamour style. Think 1930s-1960s. And go back to ballads.

Maybe do an album of her greatest hits in ballad form.

Stairlift commercial?

Celebrity Apprentice. Worked for Donald...

Maybe Miss Warwick can hook her up with the same people who got her those Psychic Friends Network infomercials.

Happy fun dance music. Not songs about horrifying tragic things. I love Medellín and Future.

She can learn a thing or two from this one.

1. Do ballads for popular movies.

2. Be willing to become more accessible to the public as a cool older figure.

3. Go back into acting, do a small role on a popular cable series with people the kids watch.

she'll gain public attention and sympathy when her son rocco overdoses

She should pivot, obviously. Do more acting, and perhaps invest seriously in new younger artists, or even become a movie producer.

I think R19 offers the best suggestions.

Ballads and small unglamourous roles.

Work for charities

las vegas residency

I want to see her in a sex tape having unprotected sex with a guy who is about Roco‘s age and is younger than Lourdes. I doubt that would save her career, though....

She needs to be more real. Stars today are much more open books and grounded.

But you never really get to know who she is or what she thinks. Just a huge emotional wall.

The best ideas in this thread I think are memoir (she’s overdue for one), Vegas residency, and/or Martha Stewart/Snoop-like collab with someone she has chemistry with.

She's 61, not 62, OP.

I also like R22’s suggestion. But R25 pretty much nails it. I think she needs to do something maybe confronting how she feels about losing that mother figure so young. That could be Madonna at her most vulnerable.

She can start molesting boys?? Say what you want, but MJ sure was relevant long after his sell by date.

Starring in Life Call commercials

"I've fallen, and I can't get up!"

1. Fake date a famous actor

2. Release a dance anthem album

3. Change her look completely

4. Star in a big budget movie plus the movie soundtrack

5. Do a cameo in a popular TV show

5. Perform a special song at a special location that no one has done before such as on top of the highest building/tower in the world

6. Duet with a famous pop, not rap, singer

7. Do something really shocking (Positive way) generating a lot of media attentions across all media and social platforms

8. Attend a boxing or football match and bring a lot of bodyguards

9. Feed the homeless in front of the public

10. Speak Chinese

9.

Good lord, people.

No one really wanted to see Madge act 25-30 years ago. We certainly don't want to see that now.

And ballads? Whatever voice she might have developed during EVITA (arguably, the only good acting she did, BTW) has long since fled. I never want to hear her current unadorned voice on a ballad.

If she could bear to be behind the scenes, she might actually be a talented producer. I think she's always had a good ear for building a song.

But she probably can't, so she won't.

Start by taking your hand out of your twat, pull your panties back up, keep your head down and finish this fucking tour. Then take 5 YEARS OFF (buy out your Live Nation obligation - you can afford it). Enjoy your children, get some bloody therapy and start living and stop working (and disable both Twitter and Instagram accounts.) Then come back with one/two albums, one new material the other reworked versions of your mostly killer body of work.

she

is

old

as

fuck

Finally. Thank You, r32 and r33. .

Game over man. Game over.

Get thee to a nunnery.

By dying?

Yes I'm sure she's open to the advice.

Instead of featuring a rapper, she needs to get one to feature her. It worked for Billy Ray Cyrus and Ozzy Osbourne.

Sweatin' to the Oldies, starring Madonna!

1) Stay off social media for the next two years.

2) When those two years are over, go back to her roots with her next album and reunite with Stephen Bray and Patrick Leonard (the producers who produced her biggest hits).

3) If she's ever tours again, she needs to only perform her greatest hits (and in their original form - not the remixed shit she does where she fucks up the songs to the point you don't recognize them).

I was thinking the same thing r5. If we start to miss her, maybe she can come back. Right now, I'm just embarrassed for her. She needs to find a better balance for that plastic surgery, she needs to let it 'fall' a little.

Take an interesting role in an indie movie, one that requires her to look her age. It would be painful for her, but she'd get kudos.

[quote]No one really wanted to see Madge act 25-30 years ago. We certainly don't want to see that now. And ballads? Whatever voice she might have developed during EVITA (arguably, the only good acting she did, BTW) has long since fled. I never want to hear her current unadorned voice on a ballad.

It's not necessarily about being good, it's about giving herself opportunities to be seen while doing as little work as possible.

She would also not be the draw of either of those options.

R44 reminded me of when Mariah Carey did Precious and ended up getting attention after the director made her actually act & look like an actual person. She didn't do a whole lot but she got attention. It's all about getting attention.

Vocally trained or not, I think Evita ruined what made her small voice unique, R32.

I want her to go back to that old ‘throaty’ way of singing she had in songs like Open Your Heart.

That vibrato witch voice “yeeeaaahhh” thing she’s done post-Evita sucks.

Dude seriously nobody gives a F about Madonna. Not even my mom who’s the same age. We get it you’re obsessed but let her die already. Sad as hell.

I’m actually here for the mess we have right now. I think the cunty sexy grandma plastic surgery late-arriving shit is punk rock.

I just wish the songs were better. Way better.

A hit single like "This Used To Be All Orange Groves"

Is ritual disembowelment a possibility?

R45 But that’s Madonna’s problem - her ego always insists that she be the “star” of everything. The deluded bitch can’t grasp the concept that she doesn’t have what it takes to carry a film as a lead. That’s why Dick Tracy and A League of their Own were successful - they were some of the few roles where she took a backseat and let real actors carry the film.

She needs to show us her pussy again.

Has Madonna written any music that is about/pertains to her mother?

Fall asleep in a bathtub

Wasn't she shopping around the idea of a biopic, like Rocketman or Bohemian Rhapsody? Or is it impossible to make her sympathetic in a movie.

Yes, R53. Promise To Try from Like A Prayer and Mer Girl from Ray of Light.

Raise awareness of a disease or a crisis.

Use her voice and name to help people.

Donate money to charities or to libraries or schools.

I've always thought Madonna would make a great mentor if she wouldn't let her own ego get in the way. I can see her starting a label and working on female artist development -- sort of how she was first picked up by her female manager in the early 80's.

Duet with Courtney Love.

Maybe a fun cover version like 'These Boots Were Made For Walking'. Show she can laugh at herself and have fun.

All of these pathetic “suggestions” have been DONE a thousand times before. Ridiculous that Madonna should copy anyone.

Madonna is an icon because of who she is, not because she did a 1930s Old Hollywood glamour shoot.

Slow ballad versions of Madonna’s old hits have already been DONE for decades.

You aren’t being creative at all with those worn out suggestions.

Is she masturbating in OPs picture?

Do concerts where she plays her hit, throws in a few new things, no huge production numbers and ARRIVE ON TIME AND FINISH ON TIME.

Allow herself to age and present herself as she used to shamelessly. Convince us that she still accepts herself without caring what others think or say. Turn the Michael Jackson train around before it nose dives into a ravine.

1. Stop any and all cosmetic surgery 2. Get into relationship with a very high profile uber successful person like a billionaire or rich and successful Hollywood producer/director or a politician. Madonna, like Jlo thrived when her personal life was great - marriage to Sean, marriage to Guy, relationship with Warren, giving birth to Lola. She’s better when her attention is on other things and she’s loved, inspired and not desperate. She’s also more attractive when she’s wanted and desirable to others. Who could she date? Is Ted Turner single?

Produce a great pop song instead of the pretentious art shit she is pushing now and oh, act her age.

Her social value is in the toilet. She needs to find a very high status dude (like when she had Warren during blond ambition) and some super cool high status friends (like when she had Gwyneth, Stella, Sandra) to lick her ass. When we see her having a successful personal life, we’ll appreciate her and her music again. Instead we see as an old wierdo now.

I hate to say it, but...

[quote] Madonna is an icon because of who she is, not because she did a 1930s Old Hollywood glamour shoot.

She got famous for talking off her clothes and stealing from others. Cut the crap.

Get pregnant.

Honestly, she just needs to go away for long enough for people to actually miss her. The way she’s going, she’ll just end up having a horribly embarrassing death like Elvis.

I think Madonna will live to 100. You’re going to have to complain about her for another 40 years

Release a new line of Apple Face Dolls!

Do something on Broadway; a musical based on her life (I mean, if they can do one for that overrated Britney Spears...), a revival of Sweeney Todd or Threepenny Opera, or better yet, compose a new musical a la Boy George or Elton John.

Madonna has gone on for so long now without trying anything new or different (she directed a movie nine years ago), I think this thread will sadly be in vain. She’s stuck. And it appears to be permanent. :(

R72 omg I remember those, NIGHTMARES.

And, yes. Spot on.

Her instagram account has killed her career. She looks grotesque in her photos. She should do a 12 step program. Although it might kill her to look at how closely she’s used others throughout her life/career. Then again, she’s sort of proudly sociopathic, so I doubt she admit wrongdoing or even feel it b

she can become relevant when she dies in 15 years, and everyone goes "who, her? i thought she had died a long time ago."

[quote]Do something on Broadway; a musical based on her life (I mean, if they can do one for that overrated Britney Spears...), a revival of Sweeney Todd or Threepenny Opera, or better yet, compose a new musical a la Boy George or Elton John.

Yet again insisting Madonna copy others.

You're pathetic.

[quote] Yet again insisting Madonna copy others. You're pathetic.

So what bright ideas do you have?

Guys, she isn't going to do ANY of these things.

She really thinks she is still a sex kitten. And emotionally/intellectually, that IS all she is. She hasn't grown up, hasn't evolved. She isn't capable of becoming a philanthropist, nurturing young talents, etc. Even if she were capable, she has no desire to help others.

The only way I see this ending, frankly, is with her shooting her young gigolo and leaving him floating in the pool, then slowly descending her staircase to be led away by the police as she tells Mr. Beatty she's ready for her close-up.

[quote]So what bright ideas do you have?

Let her do what she wants.

I DO thinks she wants to do a hits tour and slay everyone with it.

If she doesn't want to, that's her choice.

"Take a small character role in an indie film..." How many fucking times are you going to type that??? That's the tiredest advice ever, along with the Old Time Hollywood glamour shoot.

"Throw herself into charity work!"

"Do an album of standards!" HOW FUCKING ORIGINAL!!!!!

#Pathetic

Its too late . She has destroyed her career and her legacy. There is nothing she can do , or at least is self aware enough to do, to save herself. She is now officially a foolish, washed up, , delusional old hag. And I'm afraid its only going to get worse.

She is 62 and is sitting on 62 billion dollars,chasing relevancy is beside the point. This is a woman who took the small talent she had and her slightly above average looks and rode the wheels off her trip to the big time. Madonna is a relic of the 1980's, and that's ok, very few people have accomplished more.

Get rid of the fucking eye patch for a start.

Madame X finds you reductive, R84.

She’s been a relic of the 80s since January 1, 1990.

I remain hopeful. She is the queen of reinvention. We'll see.

Who's reductive, R85?

She should become humanitarian and philanthropist but she's too self absorbed and dumb.

By croaking

Anybody with any real intelligence and self-awareness would be mortified to use "reductive" when she meant "derivative." And not smile smugly and double down when the TV interviewer called you on your error.

How did this woman possibly finish college? Or did she?

[quote] She is 62 and is sitting on 62 billion dollars

She doesn’t even have 1 billion dollars, hon.

[quote] She is 62 and is sitting on 62 billion dollars

Nope. She was a dropout on a dance scholarship. She still says “anyways”.

Desperately Seeking Susan: The Sequel is dying to be made.

62? Time for this bitch to finally retire.

More like Desperately Seeking Suicide

Desperately Seeking Susan's Hoveround!

She needs to show her hairy asshole.

Like Mae West, born a day after Madge, she will continue to think she’s sexy and important to the end.

The similarities in their personas are eerie

Vogue

She was a gay icon before Madge new what gay is

She wrote and starred in “sex” long before Madge though of her “sex” book

Madonna knew that. Everything she’s ever done is a rip-off of someone else.

A much more successful improvement over someone else.

R98: Oh, great. Tranny, whoops I mean Danny Pintauro found DataLounge by googling his cursed name.

[quote] A much more successful improvement over someone else.

No, more like presenting second rate copying.

Had MTV not existed Madonna would be back home living blue color and white trash.

Reincarnate

Pathetic Lady Trump is being reductive.

Again.

Maybe she can get her GED.

And learn the difference between reductive and derivative.

She is a caricature of herself and she won’t let go of her image of the 80s and 90s. It was based on a young, empowered, edgy, aggressive personality. It worked. Her unapologetic sexuality in a very repressed time and her music, her personal life, were perfectly in sync with 1980s.

Madonna had the keen ability to “market” herself with the times. She lost it. She’s 61 years old and music is a youth oriented market. She can’t pull it off. Her stubbornness that propelled her to superstardom, has imprisoned her.

She needs a body double that can actually sing.

She danced and exercised her joints down. She probably needs new hips and knees.

r115, the hoveround roast was accurate!

If she wants to continue touring, I think she really should consider more intimate venues, where she can just stand/sit and sing and not move around so much. She could do a toned-down tour comprised of her better album tracks and B-sides and it would probably be really successful. Her fans would love to hear her do songs she has never or rarely done, and she'd probably enjoy not having to sing "Holiday" or "Music" for the 54, 682, 872nd time.

One of her biggest problems is that's she's so unrelatable. Even though she's from a working class background, she has always come off as a bitch with her nose in the air. There is no warmth to her at all. So, I can't see a talk show or anything along those lines changing her image.

she needed that edge to climb to the top

[quote] Flash a sincere smile once in a while. 2. Be a guest judge on one of those ghastly talent shows and *try* to act like a real person, not an imperial cunt.

Already you are asking the impossible of me!!

[quote]If she wants to continue touring, I think she really should consider more intimate venues,

No. This theater tour is the first time she’s done “intimate venues” and look how that’s turned out.

Her problem is that she keeps singing all this new shit that nobody cares about, her ticket prices are delusional, she disrespects her fans by showing up hours late, and instead of having fun she takes herself too seriously.

My art is a journey!

She’s need to rally her loyalists.

“Will you still need me, will you still feed me,

When I'm sixty four?”

A cover of Enough is Enough with Janet Jackson. Double entendre.

What r113 said, word for word.

R118 nailed it.

She needs some really really great new material.

She can't be relevant again. r118 stated it perfectly - she is unrelatable. She actually was at one point. In the '80s and '90s, there was a yearning in her voice that people responded to. Her call the dance floor. Her ballads. Like a Prayer. Songs about her mother.

When Guy Ritchie left her, he took her money but he also took her pride, and most importantly, her confidence. Since 2008, it's been sad watching her insecurity get the better of her. The fillers, the plastic surgeries, the paid men who get younger and younger, the autotune, the late shows, the tantrums, the cries of ageism and misogyny which she follows with another injection to look younger. Her falling into Kabbalah has turned her into a cold, greedy, entitled woman.

She's now like Gollum, floundering around, missing her youth, missing the days when she looked good but deluding herself that she looks good now. But most of all she is humourless. There was a time when she did have a sense of humour and could be self-deprecating. I'm not as big a fan of the Ray of Light era because, for me, that's when she started to take herself too seriously and the sense of humour started to disappear. Even during the Sex era, Madonna could still crack a joke. The Girlie Show is one of her best tours because she was human. As the world was shitting on her, Madonna put on a brave face (and a smile) and put on a great show. I miss THAT Madonna.

Kylie Minogue just celebrated one of the best years in her career - a successful new album tour, greatest hits album, Glastonbury. And look at Kylie. She still smiles. She still looks and sounds good. She doesn't take herself too seriously. I'm sure Kylie has taken notes on how NOT to age as a pop princess.

Madonna used to be the template on how to be a pop star. Now she is the template on how to NOT age as a pop star.

Poor Madge. Unlike Mae West who’s career she has paralled, she has children..those children, especially Lola need to do an intervention. They need to get Oprah, Gwenny, Christopher Ciconne, Sandra Barnhardt, the black singer from Blond Ambition and Guy Ritchie in a room with her and tell her to pull her shit together!

She needs to do what Gaga did a few years ago and get a part in one of Ryan Murphy's shows. I'm sure he would love to have her. With the right part, she could probably get a Golden Globe nomination like Gaga.

She should also look into a Broadway show or movie based upon her life and music. She needs to do this while her fanbase is still young enough to care.

She has a lot of career options open to her, but she has to accept the fact that her music career is over and it's time to move on to other endeavors.

Who is this turd keep bringing Mae West into every Madonna’s thread. Firstly, who the fuck is that bitch? Secondly, what the fuck does she have to anything with Madonna? Is she a singer/entertainer? Is she famous? Why haven’t anyone mentioned this turd except the turd who keeps mentioning this bitch’s name?

Who’s Mae West? Look it up turdhole! She’s the blueprint of Madonna’s entire schtick,

[quote]They need to get Oprah, Gwenny, Christopher Ciconne, Sandra Barnhardt, the black singer from Blond Ambition and Guy Ritchie in a room with her and tell her to pull her shit together!

I'm not speaking with any of those people, much less sharing rooms with them.

She won't face facts. She's 60 years old with a 60 year old dancer and addicted exerciser body. C'mon how many professional dancers still have all their original parts?

Madonna is the most stubborn artist I have ever seen. Bitch, please you’re 62, stop acting like you’re 25

She could be this generation's Jessica Tandy in "Desperately Seeking a Lazy Susan."

R128 Well Guy may have taken my money, but I at least took his manhood (well, his foreskin, at least, anyway).

How many times can she cancel?

R138 The best part of her Instagram post is her saying that that someone "literally pulled a chair out from underneath me" . Bitch you have no depth perception with that stupid eyepatch on and you fuckin' FELL. Nothing is ever her fault. According to her she is a persecuted societal outlaw and "they" are all out to destroy her. "They" dont need to bother. She is doing a fine job of that all by herself.

Related thread.

Shit song shit dance moves. Retire grandma

I am so sick of this “revolution of love” shit she keeps harping on about. It means absolutely nothing.

A Mommie Dearest reboot! She was born for the role!

Get out the wire hangers and comet, Lourdes!

Perhaps the 'revolution of love' is her old lady vibrator?

R11 these two are the on the money...

3. Do a crowd-pleasing fun tour in a few years playing your old hits as the fans know them. Make it about them, not you. 4. Face the uncomfortable truth that you are in the last quarter of your life and do things you want to be remembered for.

3 especially. She has an insanely good catalogue of music, and even though she can't sing like she used to, she can still talk-sing some of the songs that don't reach for high notes. Get someone awesome to remix her hits the way she did for the Confessions tour, and limit the staging so that she's largely standing or sitting or posting and letting the young ones run around and break their backs with dance moves. People would eat it up. They want to hear the hits, they want to revere her, and constantly coming out with new material and trying to appeal to trends just makes her look desperate. I don't see Cher doing much these days except walking around the stage in different costumes (though she can still sing). Why is Madonna still dancing and pushing herself to be something she can't anymore?

She really needs some kind of image consultant or manager to tell her to knock off the yelling and swearing and the frat party antics onstage and off because it just makes her look completely bizarre and lacking in self-awareness. Less is more. As much as she wants to be a Rebel Heart, at this point the public sees her as a kind of treasured Institution from yesteryear. She needs to embrace that and be grateful for it, be an icon, own it and show gratitude and not start concerts 3 hours late, and not take away people's cell phones, and not act as if she's some kind of political protester.

She has become so unlikable, in addition to the weird costumes and plastic surgery and possible butt implants and yelling and trying to be a edgy. I know that's what she leans into naturally, but at this point there's no need. Play some of your best songs, give people a good party, they really don't want any more than that.

madonna with butt implants is very funny

DataLounge, I present to you,

The Madge-ical Mystery Tour!

Stream LIVE as Madonna hops aboard Richard Branson's spaceship and vlogs her journey. See her write new material, choreograph new moves and then finally perform at the International Space Station!

Her career officially ended when she showed up at stonewall with an enormous fake ass. She had become a freak. In a terrible way.

[quote]Get someone awesome to remix her hits the way she did for the Confessions tour

No. That’s one of her problems - nobody likes her shitty live remixes. People want to hear the songs in their original arrangement the way they came to love them, not some bizarre shit that sounds unrecognizable.

Play Lady Macbeth on Broadway. Then do sitcom on the CW called “Madge”

She should take the plunge and eat a lot of broken glass, that way she'll bleed internally and it won't be messy

Fundraise for a senatorial campaign of a democratic challenger running against a vulnerable Republican senator (e.g. Collins, Gardner, McSally, Graham)

I met her 15 years ago and she looked horrible. She had fur on her face which is the sign of an eating disorder. No wonder no one wants to sleep with her. And she's boring.

R153 What did you talk about with her? Was she a bitch?

I don’t she has any problems with singing. Her voice is getting better with age frankly. The problems she’s facing right now are 1) she can’t dance as much as she used to 2) her new songs suck 3) she has become so unlikeable, bitchy and ungrateful lately.

She still looks very young and is still incredible shape. With the right songs and proper promotions, she could make a comeback

She does NOT look young. She looks grotesque, depending on the angle. She looks awful.

Madonna, I love you!

Please STOP!!!!

r153, I thought it was a sign of being a hairy eyetalian.

Even her asshole is hairy. Can you imagine being the one waxing her?

[quote] Her voice is getting better with age frankly.

Who knew Helen Keller posted here.

The rest of us aren’t fans of listening to drowning cats.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

She needs to open an amusement park in Detroit called Madonnawood.

She's had her time. If she wasn't such a nasty b**** we would want her to stay around a little longer. Karma.

She hasn’t made a decent album that didn’t sound like she wasn’t out to lunch since 1998. Everything since sounds like a product.

She should star in the movie version of "Sunset Blvd".!

I've seen facial hair develop like that (r161) on women who take testosterone. Might also help explain her interest in young men and her feeling that she's still young.

Madonna is supposed to be producing podcasts, movies and tv shows and other artists. I suppose if she isnt the star, she isn't interested,

Just wow 😳

MADAME X TOUR, @Madonna

$46,207,793 Gross ($689,669 avg.) 158,370 Tickets Sold (2,364 avg.) $291.77 Average Ticket Price 67/75 Reported Shows

I don’t want her surgeon. Gimme the Kardashian special.