King Edward VII (Dirty Bertie( Was A Kinky Bastard

"Exactly how King Edward positioned himself and his ladies on the chair is somewhat of a mystery."

The chair is ugly but not kinky. I had the misfortune of hooking up with a guy who had a scat chair. Now that is kinky! I couldn't kiss him after that, ugh.

Every chair can be a scat chair if a sister plays her cards right!

And remember, he's chosen by God.

HIs mother was a sex fiend too (read her diaries). There's been a streak in that family of sexual addiction (see Princess Margaret, and her uncle George, Duke of Kent).

We need diagrams.

r3 Hard pass, please. He wanted me to take a dump in his mouth. That isn't sexy, isn't erotic, isn't fun at all. Its just gross. I was there to get my rocks off and I can't do that when I'm grossed out.

And it's hilarious we have imbeciles who dedicate countless threads to defending these people because some American chick ain't good enough. Weirdos.

I can't figure out how that chair is suppose to work.

Those women earned every penny.

R9 I think that the top having stirrup like hardware gives the good King an arse to eat while having another below on their knees to bang from behind.

He must've been a very hard worker.

Fattie Bertie would stand up and grab the raised arms and fuck the woman as she lay on her back with her feet in the stirrups. He was too fat to get on top of a woman.

Thanks R12.

R12 is right about the upper part, but what’s the lower padded area for?

R12, where does the second woman come in?

R14 and R15 maybe she was kneeling ass up?

This could have solved Diana's "There were three of us in this marriage" problem.

The lower part was when he would flop his fat gut over the top and enable a lady to fellate him.

I am surprised there isn't a pillow to place on his whore's belly to place HIS belly on.

Just like trump with fat-shrouded micro peen.

Charles probably does well with a flesh light.

Explain the foot rests. I doubt they were for him even though they're facing towards the chair

There are stirrups on the bottom level as well. Obviously the bottom woman would lay back in the same position as the top woman, knees bent, feet in the stirrups and the King could just go from hole to hole. He could get on his knees on the bottom kneeling pad and drill that hole and then stand up bent over holding onto the back handles and drill the top woman.

He was a large man, but he wasn't morbidly obese like King Henry VIII.

Mum, can you spot me $68K?

Andrew, isn't a high chair more your speed?

I don't mean to be declasse and vulgar, but how do you get semen out of silk? And is there an official position in his castle to clean that chair, a la "The Master of His Royal Highness' Penis Drippings"?

The office of "Groom of the Stool" had lapsed by Edward's reign, R23, perhaps he should have thought to revive it.

[quote] And is there an official position in his castle to clean that chair, a la "The Master of His Royal Highness' Penis Drippings"?

The chair was never housed in a Royal residence. It was always kept at his favorite whore house. At least he had the decency to conduct his debauchery outside the home.

Here’s a depiction of the scene R12 described.

Okay, r26, makes sense, but then why is the base / lower level padded and cushioned, and not just made of fine wood? And where would the second woman have fit in?

The second woman could be on all fours below, presenting hole(s)

And with that we bestow the unofficial title "Groom of the Stool" upon the good Senatrice Lindsey Graham. Spread the news across the land, DLers; we've done it before and we'll do it again.

Miss R29: Not so fast!

Even when he was younger, he was ugly. And the lack of bathing.

Gross.

I think the second woman would be on her back underneath. Notice how it slants up where the foot rests are. He puts his knees on the lower cushioned part to the right. So he could eat out the one on top while he was fucking the one underneath while he's on his knees.

That’s eating while driving on a whole other level

Considering how poor personal hygiene was in those days, even for Royals, I don't even want to think of the odors that must have permeated that whore house. And the thought of him doing cunnilingus on prostitutes in a whore house is nauseating.

It kept me from being crushed under that tub of lard, unlike my great granddaughter.

I first learned of whoring running in Camilla's family when I was watching Two Fat Ladies a long time ago. Starting @3:40, one of them tells of how Camilla's great-great granny was his favorite mistress and the Queen sent for her when Eddie was dying:

Correction: Princess, not Queen.

Correct, R36; Alice Keppel. Her daughter was Violet Trefusis, the lesbian lover of Vita Sackville-West, side piece of Virginia Woolf.

Violet Trefusis

seldom refuses

I bet that upholstery is crawling with 🦠 🦠

Oh for God's sake, R34, by 1900 indoor plumbing existed and rich people could take daily hot baths. Whores who catered to rich people and royalty undoubtedly did as well, a brothel that would keep a special fuck chair for a king would damn well make sure it offered the finest, shapeliest, cleanest pieces of ass money could rent.

And just so you know, in the 19th century people of moderate or modest means probably couldn't afford indoor plumbing, but they still washed daily in addition to heating water on the stove and taking a bath on Saturday. They'd clean themselves with soap and small amounts of water and change their linen, it was only the lowdown poor that were filthy.

Just how old ARE you, r41?⏳

How would whores in the 19th century avoid getting pregnant?

R41, get real. They're still European.

[quote]How would whores in the 19th century avoid getting pregnant?

Condoms, IUDs, douching, and withdrawal were all used in the 19th century.

I’m sorry, but I grew up repulsed by the watered down trashy version of French Provincial and I must recuse myself.

One of you cunts tricked me into reading a book about sex workers and failed abortions in the sewer system of New York during this era.

[quote]One of you cunts tricked me into reading a book about sex workers and failed abortions in the sewer system of New York during this era.

Wasn't that book turned into a musical for Debbie Reynolds in 1957?

[quote]One of you cunts tricked me into reading a book about sex workers and failed abortions in the sewer system of New York during this era.

Wasn't that book turned into a musical for Debbie Reynolds in 1957?

R32 in your scenario, what's the use of the chair's arms?

I have thoroughly enjoyed my capacity for erotic pleasure, and have been very motivated by my sex drive in my life (more in my younger years.) But I have never been so in thrall to the almighty orgasm as to build my entire life around sex and sex apparatuses. I'm so much more inclined to get fired up by friendships, creative hobbies and intellectual pursuits than just going around humping all day and night. It seems boring, messy and exhausting.

[quote][R32] in your scenario, what's the use of the chair's arms?

Well, I assume when he gets back up to fuck the other woman, it's what's being done @R26.

I don't think he could possibly use every single feature at once or always had two women. He only had one dick, so he used the arms only when he was fucking the top woman.

"But I have never been so in thrall to the almighty orgasm as to build my entire life around sex and sex apparatuses."

Well I doubt King Edward VII built his entire life around sex, this was what he did when he had a few days off and could get to Paris for a little recreation.

I go birdwatching, myself.

[quote]Well I doubt King Edward VII built his entire life around sex

Historians would beg to differ.

What's the salad-tossing position?

Were women allowed to refuse him? Because he's fugly as hell.

A gentleman being "fugly " is not a deal breaker for a courtesan.

"But I have never been so in thrall to the almighty orgasm as to build my entire life around sex“

What a bore.

But that troll married Jackie. What did the women who fucked Edward get out of it beyond STDs? Did they get jewels at least?