Let's be Meghan & Harry & Archie's new life in L.A.

I'm the rage issues because nothing - NOTHING - is turning out the way I planned.

I think Meghan Harry & Archie are going to make Vancouver their primary residence. HArry has to be within the Commonwealth.

I’m Meghan’s too-small yoga pants showing every nook and cranny.

She wears me EVERYWHERE.

I'm Toronto. I probably won't be any better.

I'm another fucking audition for Meghan every day. Nobody will hire her but they all want to say they met her. She is officially "over" very very soon.

i am the nanny--sorry, "au pair" who is groped by the security detail guys, ogled by Harry and screeched at by the wife for not folding the nappies correctly.

I'm Gloria Fucking Allred - enough said!

I'm the OP who has OCD about Meghan that manifests itself in the need to create a new thread about her every few hours. I am 340 lbs and on disability benefit. I sit at home eating Wotsits and Monster Much and calling 120lb Meghan fat and ugly.

Klan thread.

I'm R8 and R9! I'm marginal, irrelevant, one note, and very bitter. My fixation is posting on DL about everyone who doesn't agree with me.

Ummmm okay, I just wanted to create a thread that would imagine how ridiculous their life in LA could/will be. You know, imagining funny scenarios or interactions they would have as they try to "make it on their own, R8. Not *EVERYONE* is a troll like yourself. Projection much?

I am the OP getting really upset and defensive because someone has decided to ridicule and abuse me in the same way I ridicule and abuse Meghan Markle.

Can't take it, can you, bitch? You're asking for it with this kind of thread and you should be able to take it. Stupid racist, misogynist, homophobic cunt.

I’m the midwestern sycophants

'Ummmm okay, I just wanted to create a thread that would imagine how ridiculous their life in LA could/will be'

Sure, so ridiculous, living in a mansion in Malibu, raising a family and enjoying more money per day than the scabrous OP will ever see in her life. The OP is the ridiculous one, spending all her time hating a stranger.

I'm Prince George. I'm soooooo over these people.

R12, you might want to get a colonoscopy for all that big butthurt. xo

I’m the pap walks down Robertson

Do you want chips with that?

I’m the pool. I don’t get used because there might be paparazzi out there, and chlorine is bad for everyone’s skin.

^^ And if I can’t wear a bikini anymore, no one is wearing any bathing suits and swimming. Besides Archie isn’t allowed in the sun.

I'm Elton John, throwing yet another message from Meghan's people about my annual Oscar party in the trash.

Everyone in British Society is going to have a pick a side in the Windsor family quarrel, and well. Meg and Harry aren't the side that could make me Lord Elton.

{quote]Everyone in British Society is going to have a pick a side in the Windsor family quarrel

I know that in jest but there's great truth in it. People are picking sides. The outcome is obvious. You saw it last night at the BAFTAs. She's blown it.

Where did all these meg bots come from? Megah can’t afford to pay you guys anymore

I'm Goop.

I will be a regular fixture in the House of Sussex (hee) and love to put on my showy British accent that was so charming back in EMMA, SLIDING DOORS, and SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE. (Those DVDs were part of my housewarming basket!)

I also bring thoughtful little gifts like healing crystals and lentil cakes but I'm convinced Harry throws them out when MM isn't looking.

Namaste and cheerio.

"People are picking sides"

Yeah, well, Meg doesn't care which side a bunch of stuffy old Aristocrats take. She thinks the people that really matter are Oprah and Beyoncé and Reese Witherspoon! She's SURE they'll side with her and be her new best friends!

Harry sure as hell cares what side the stuffy old aristocrats take, but too late now.

I'm Pax, the new rescue dog. DeGeneres sent me.

I am the sad dregs of their most recent "Ex-Pat!"party: Jason Statham, Emma Samms, and Sharon Osbourne getting glassy-eyed drunk, eating hideous pub food, and making little jokes about dumb and tacky Americans into the dim reaches of the night.

I am Meghan, fleeing to the bedroom in silent tears and contemplating suicide.

r26 That dog is still alive??? Damn! He's got almost 30 years on James Franciscus.

Hey R28, That's Bogart. He's still in Toronto. I'm the new guy. It's cray here. I'm just trying to lay low and avoid TMZ.

I'm a drunken and homeless Lindsay Lohan, applying for the job as Archie's nanny.

I'm a tendril of Meg's overly processed hair, hanging in her face. She's furiously twisting my twin tendril with her claw-like hand, while I just hang there, waiting.

Will we ever get a proper hair style?

I'm Harry's failed hair transplant.

I’m the price tag dangling off the bottom of Madame's eye-wateringly expensive, yet crumpled and ugly, dress at the Oscars.

I'm Harry's right shoe---and I have holes on my sole. If only he and Megs could have someone fix me!

I'm the Deal or No Deal reboot offering MM a hosting gig.

I'm the sister of the African girl they are adopting, pick me!

I'm that horrifying feeling that this commoner bullshit is not all that it's cracked up to be.

Scotland Yard here. We're at the Trancas Country Mart AGAIN on a coffee run (flat whites–– half oat milk, half almond milk.) We can't tell you what beach they're at.

I'm Kim Kardashian, sending invitations to playdates wrapped in $1000 cashmere sweaters for Archie.

I'm Chelsy Davy, receiving secret texts sent from Harry's burner phone.

[quote]I’m the pool. I don’t get used because there might be paparazzi out there, and chlorine is bad for everyone’s skin.

Uh, those are not the reasons you will never see MM in a pool.

I'm the sunburn and freckles.

I'm Meghan's awkward chance encounters with former "clients".

I'm Harry's pre-lunch cocktails. Because I'm bored and it's definitely past five o'clock back home!

I'm the other kids mocking Archie for not being named after a type of fruit, or weather condition.

I’m the administrative assistant at the local Rolls-Royce and Maybach dealership getting yet another call from the personal assistant to H&M asking if the owner has changed his mind and will give H&M a free Rolls (or at least a Bentley).

I'm the look on Harry's face while watching television when he's completely blindsided by Archie's first commercial.....

"Royal babies EVERYWHERE are switching to Luvs!"

I'm MM's silent phone that doesn't ring with offers of starring roles.

I'm Jessica Mulroney, Meghan's BFF, frantically calling Meghan after she gets to Hollywood . . .

"What do you mean, I'm not Hollywood material???!!!!"

R41 for the win.

I'm Meghan's hair, panic-stricken as she tries to decide whether she'll make more bank going natural in L.A. with all the screeching about diversity, or by still pretending to have lonnnggg straiggghhht hair like her sister-in-law, whose glossy locks blowing about Kate's face today in South Wales are really heating the brain underneath my exhausted, brutalised, weave infested strands.

I'm the casting couch, and despite a few hints from the formerly attractive "exotic" former ingenue, I'm not interested in the nearly 40-year old overweight Mum.

I'm Meghan looking at a map and suddenly realising that Dad is now only 140 miles away - a three and a half hour drive straight down the Pacific coast, or a very short plane ride.

So does anyone think they’ll be invited onto the red carpet next week?

I'm the looming thought of divorce that floats over both of their heads. I'm also the cuteness of baby Archie that holds the family together.

R53 no, just no.

The total driving distance from Vancouver, Canada to Tijuana, Mexico is 1,410 miles or 2 269 kilometers. Your trip begins in Vancouver, Canada. It ends in Tijuana, Mexico.

How long is the drive from Vancouver, Canada to Mexico? The total driving time is 41 hours, 25 minutes. Your trip begins in Vancouver, Canada. It ends in Mexico.

R56, maybe take a look at the thread title before you post.

I'm the open return ticket hidden in Harry's sock drawer, courtesy of "Granny."

I'm Steve Mnuchin, current Treasury Secretary and recipient of many toothy Markle blowjobs in return for the opportunity to give all my entertainment business friends BJs plus whatever (sorry that none of your auditions panned out). Later, babes.

I'm the controversy surrounding Meghan's demands that Americans bow and curtsy to her and address her as "Your Royal Highness" and "Ma'am".

I'm a Harry Winston copy of the emerald and diamond tiara Meghan was denied to wear on her wedding. That crazy bitch wears me ALL THE TIME, everywhere she goes from photo-ops with homeless men in downtown LA to taking a shit at the Bel Air hotel.

I’m the exclusive nanny agency, hoping we don’t hear from the Mountbatten-Windsors. Checking with Legal to make sure our insurance covers attacks by vexatious litigants.

Shouldn't the racist/unintelligent/fixated troll be here soon?

I'm Archie looking on as Megs approaches to retrieve him from preschool wearing the tiara from R61, and the matching necklace and earrings, while dressed in a sports bra and yoga pants!

"Why's Mummy-Duchie gotta be so damned Xtra all the time?"

I'm the Little Beach House. They are all access.

I'm Doria. At first I was weary of them moving from Canada to LA. But fortunately, they haven't called me in several months.

I’m the Mandarin flash cards that Archie is supposed to work on for half an hour every day. The nanny doesn’t know what to make of me, so I just sit on the desk.

"I also bring thoughtful little gifts like healing crystals and lentil cakes but I'm convinced Harry throws them out when MM isn't looking."

What about vagina candles?

I’m the hour-long wait at both the The Grove and the Beverly Hills The Cheesecake Factory locations that Megs and Archie are forced to endure because their entire party isn’t here yet and the US doesn’t do royalty, let alone royalty-adjacent.

Lord (and perhaps Megan Fox) knows what’s keeping Harry.

I'm the daily Sound Bath. My name is Bliss

I'm the charitable foundation, MegHarA, in name only. My accounts are drained. I'm dry, man.

I'm the ghost of Elizabeth Short wondering when it will be Meghan's turn.

I'm the circulation returning now that she has clutched my hand since Canada House.

I'm the budget line item carefully set aside to purchase more Instagram followers. I'm the people for whom Meghan so passionately shines a light.

I am the intense jealousy directed towards Kate that has followed Meghan to LA.

I'm the beleaguered RPO who has to brief people ahead of time. "I know she's not supposed to use her title, but madame really does prefer being referred to as "your royal highness. A curtsy wouldn't go amiss. I'm sorry, I have to run - I have to go pick up some coffee for madame and her husband now."

I'm the special laptop with a window permanently opened to Instagram to compulsively monitor follower numbers. "Has my check cleared yet? Where is the bump in followers?"

I'm the assistant to a real estate agent, calling Meg's assistant to let them know that once again, the owner of an LA mansion has sold the place to someone else.

I'd love a chance to yell at those two in person, they think that because LA restaurants and boutiques may give them stuff for free, the same thing goes in the real estate.

I’m the addiction issues in Merchie’s future.

I'm her truth. I change any time I need to.

R80 wins.

I'm Target.

We are various Markle family members who regularly show up at their doorstep followed by a bunch of slavering paps and tabloid journos. We will happily mouth off if a microphone is shoved in front of us.

MM is tearing her weave out because of us, because unfortunately it's a free country.

I’m the fertility clinic. The receptionist, well-versed in dealing with hormonal rich women, has threatened to quit, thanks to “HRH”.

I'm the TMZ editor sending our very best paps to the road outside their gate to see if we can trigger Harry's PTSD "every time a camera flashes."

I'm the Adderall bottles in the medicine cabinet tasked with getting Meghan back her pre Archie figure.

I'm the range of moon bumps discarded on a bed in the spare room. Who knows, maybe Duchess will need me again someday.

Hi Harry, It's Nacho. Let's do polo at Will Rogers when I'm in town. Later, bro.

Wanna hold my BAFTA? It's got your name on it.

I'm Madonna, pitching my vacant Central Park West 2 bedroom to the Dutchies on Page Six. All press is good press.

I'm a local surrogate, planning to leave a gap in my child-bearing schedule when I hear their marriage is in trouble.

I know that someone like Meghan isn't going to put herself through a second pregnancy, even when her all-important Brand depends on keeping a failing marriage going.

I’m the eggs. Even though I’m not IN the vegan muffins, she can taste me.

I'm the boxes and boxes of Sussex Royal tat stacked up in the garage.. We include everything from pencils to t-shirts to mental health textbooks. We don't know if we'll ever be sold because Bitch Betty is putting the breaks on merchandizing us.

I’m the elite Montessori Pre-K Meghan is hoping to get Archie into. I’m so sorry, but we are completely full. We can put your adorable child on our waitlist.

I’m the avocado tree. I was dug up and replanted in the rental property’s back garden without the owner’s knowledge or consent. I will be photographed with one of my fruits dangling into Meghan’s cupped hand, featured in a blog post.

I'm El Coyote café, quietly chuckling to myself as I realize that these two haven't got anything on the real royalty that's patronized our establishment for years . . .

I'm the sock puppet Facebook account, that will accuse R94 of having a racist admissions process.

R97, Touché! Sincere belly laugh.

I'm the morning lemon water. M drinks me. H does not.

R56 - Have you figured out yet that the title of the thread is about the Sussex's life in LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - and not VANCOUVER, CANADA?

I'm the tags dangling on the clothing in the walk-in closet. Meghan has to return us all when she's snapped wearing us.

Hi! We're the Hammers.

People kept telling us how much we had in common with you, and now we're practically neighbors!

I'm the map showing the location of all traffic tunnels in LA that Meghan MUST avoid.

I’m the casting director getting the cold shoulder at Nobu from that girl I once rudely dismissed at an audition.

I'm the discarded floral arrangements that will be donated to children with cancer, because Meghan loves to show how generous and thoughtful she is to the less fortunate.

I'm the tub of bronzer Meghan keeps on the vanity.

I'm the depressed-looking dogs.

R102 I've been waiting for the Hammer's to make an appearance in this thread! Following on from your post:

I'm the thesaurus Meghan keeps next to her laptop so she can compose word salads.

I'm the VCR tape with the original recording of the dish soap campaign the Duchess took part in when she was in middle school. Sure it was a class project, but Meghan likes to make it all about her and mention it every chance she gets.

I'm Armie, teaching Harry how to use Twitter.

I'm Liz, tagging Meghan in all my Instagram stories and posts. Here, I had my servant make your some cookies from my bakery. I'm a CEO, as well as an actress, journalist, wife, mother, influencer, model and humanitarian. Make sure to tage Bird Bakery. I've got a feeling we're going to get on well Meghan!

I'm all the loaves of banana bread slated as gifts to all the new neighbors. Each bears the same message in white piping:

"You is kind, you is smart, you is important !"

I'm all the pictures of Megan with her old hair and her old nose. She's trying to make sure we won't see the light of day

R112, I’m the notarized letter to those kind, smart, important neighbors that Megs baked right into the banana bread:

DO NOT LOOK AT OR ATTEMPT TO INTERACT WITH THE SUSSEXES AT ALL, OR WE’LL SEE YOU IN COURT!

I'm the maternity coat the Duchess wore at Eugenie's wedding. Sure Archie was only the size of a pea, but I really stole the show! Now I'm hanging forgotten in a spare closet.

I'm the old school Royals together watching the Academy Awards presentation when Charles spots Meghan being led away by Security for crashing the red carpet.

[quote]I'm the discarded floral arrangements that will be donated to children with cancer, because Meghan loves to show how generous and thoughtful she is to the less fortunate.

We're any roses or orchids that were in the arrangements before they went to kids with cancer.

I'm bare assed Kate, cursing because I have far more engagements in my calendar now Meghan and Harry aren't there to pick up the slack. I'd love a mansion by the ocean too, but I'm stuck in fume ridden central London for life. Even in my 80s I'll be expected to shake hands and cut ribbons.

^ Such a limited repertoire.

I’m the putty knife and gallon tub of sparkle.

Those crystal glasses are pretty rough on the drywall.

^^ SPACKLE

Roses for sure, R117.

R112 - oooohhhm, you is BAD :)

I'm Harry's balls. Meghan keeps me in a safe to which only she has the combination.

I’m the new pediatrician. HIPAA already covers all your privacy concerns, Mrs. Mountbatten-Windsor. But I suppose we can require all staff (including the overnight janitorial staff) to sign your NDAs. And we will allow your security team to sweep our office for surveillance devices.

But we must draw the line at patting down our office staff.

I'm television Joyce DeWitt. And it appears that your backyard abuts my property line. Including that sad pear tree of yours, with all the falling leaves and rotting fruit.

I'm telling you once so I don't have to tell you all again: you do not want to fuck with me. Trust me. Fred Silverman tried to fuck with me. He's dead now.

And Meghan, I've never heard of any of the things listed in your IMDB.com credits. Just saying.

Have. A. Nice. Day.

"television LEGEND, Joyce DeWitt," excuse me.

See how upset you've made me?

I'm the cast of Suits wondering why Meghan never takes our calls.

I'm the pile of copyrights and domain names the Sussexes keep hoping to turn into billions.

I'm Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston mouthing, "I'm NOT here!" whenever Meghan calls.

I'm the beaded matching bracelet Harry gave Meghan when they were first dating. I'm stuck in the back of a drawer, never to be worn again.

I'm the poo emoji hat Meghan wore for the Christmas walk. She stomped on me with a stiletto in one of her rages, and now I'm destined for charity donation.

I'm the LA high school Meghan likes to name drop whenever she's trying to figure out if other people from LA are worth her very valuable time.

I’m the trio of crestfallen teen girls of color who glimpsed Meghan and called out for a selfie but weren’t allowed anywhere near her.

NO PHOTOS PLEASE. STEP AWAY FROM HER MAJESTY, LADIES.

I'm Trevor.

I´m Anderson Cooper and I´m here to report about this couple because I have blue blood too.

I´m Anderson Cooper and I´m here to report about this couple because I have blue blood too.

I'm Meghan's vanity license plate: HAREH

I'm also her bumper sticker: BITCH BETTA HAVE MY CURTSY!

I’m Luz and this is my sister Paty. We clean for Mrs Meghan and Mr. Harry. The baby he is sad. She’s like to have everything clean very clean. We have seen ladies more mean than Mrs. Meghan and even she is sad and sorry sometime. He sleeps in the day and leaves the toilet bowl messy.

I work hard to send my daughter to law school. Someday she will be an American lawyer and sue these gringo hijos de puta and I will be glad to see this day.

I wouldn’t even go to the wedding, why would I want to go to a yoga class with her?

Everyone needs to WW the original post as it's now been FFed enough to grey out. Keep this thread open!

I’m the look on MM’s face when one more American asks if Kate is as pretty in person as she is on TV.

I’m the hole in the fence where Harry leaves notes for the Mi5 agents who are working on his ransom.

I'm Harry's liver. I'm in bad shape.

I'm 2021 and here comes Meggy on Assistance.

I’m TMZ. I am SOOOO excited.

I'm a deflated loaf of cracked banana bread sitting on the marble countertop in the kitchen.

I'm the roast chicken Meghan makes on the weekends, because she and Harry are vegan during the week.

I'm the egg Meghan contemptuously told the Windsor Castle chef she could taste in the wedding vegan offering.

I'm Harry's bald spot. I'm eagerly awaiting the hair plugs Meghan's arranging for me.

I'm the California king bed made with 800-thread count sheets. Harry has a hard time getting out of me every morning.

I'm the burner phone Meghan uses to set up pap walks and sneak leaks to Lainey, People and Celebitchy.

We're George and Amal. No, you can't crash with us again. We have problems of our own.

I'm the Instagram account. I'm posted to every time Kate and William do something. I'm also top heavy with bots, but hey, gotta play the influencer game.

I am The Tig, waiting to be relaunched.

KLAN THREAD ALERT

KLAN THREAD ALERT

MURIEL MURIEL MURIEL

PLEASE SHUT THIS DOWN

Wtf@R156

I’m the nearby vegan cafe. We have been in touch with our insurance company, looking into increasing our litigation coverage. We’ve had a few close calls with *her* and it might be worth the increase in premiums.

I'm the Peloton bike Meghan forces Harry to use every day. And yes, he has to keep a video log.

I'm the Smart Works separates Meghan "designed." I'm balled into a heap in the laundry room.

I’m the vegan bakery down the street. Good idea, r158. She’s sent her assistant in here a few times, asking about ingredients. We thought it was a different kind of trap, but then she came back asking about ratios and baking temperatures.

I'm the ride Kate didn't offer Meghan to the shops in London. I am a focal point of white-hot resentment and occasional rage. No one ignores Meg. No one or Lainey will hear about it!

R156, seriously? Dude? I'm bi racial, and I'll list my comments for you right now. I'm R141, R138, R116, R112, R64, R47, and R7. That's some funny shit, eh? Hahahaha I'm feeling salty that my R138 comment didn't get as many WWs as the others - that, I considered to be my piece de resistance! To each his own.

Dude - Megs is primed for fodder because of her behavior and her obvious villainous ways. She IS a using grifter, and time will reveal the destruction she leaves behind in her wake. In the mean time, let's all have fun with it, eh?

I left many such comments with pictures in the previous Royal Family threads, and there my "victim" was HM Queen Mary. Loosen up/relax and let it ride. Perhaps you may remember me as I'm also known as.....

I'm the "Meghan Markle Sussex goes to Whole Foods" thread on DL which will overtake the "Jennifer Garner goes to Church" thread. Pictures on both threads will in fact be the result of namesake calling the paps herself.

I'm the upcoming line of Sussex ROYAL (tm) sportswear that's still in the planning stages. I will be released when they've finished the advertising campaign that's all about empowerment for women and girls all over the world.

I am, of course, being sewn by Vietnamese women and girls, who get a paid a dollar a day, with no lunch break.

I’m the trendy boutique that lost sales because Meghan’s security team stormed in and began evacuating the store. Do you know they actually asked a woman in the dressing room to vacate the premises for “security reasons”?!

And then after her goons cleared the store, she came in for a few minutes, sniffed and left. Handed Trixie the manager an empty soy latte cup (“this is trash”) and flounced out.

She didn’t even buy anything!

I'm the tampons Harry has to carry in his jacket pocket as a reminder to speak about women's menstrual health at woke events - or memorials for dead friends - whichever works.

I'm the Royal Protection Officers chatting up the gorgeous young people on the beach. Who wants to come back to our security shed with us?

I'm the bottle of Tignanello wine Meghan pretentiously tells people how to pronounce - because she is just sooooooo sophisticated.

I'm the second thoughts.

I'm the comped dress from Givenchy hanging in the closet for the Oscars. I am so ready for my close-up.

I’m the German shepherds patrolling the perimeter. Really not necessary, we’re more window-dressing than anything, but since Madame isn’t paying, who cares?

And we’d really like to ask for some raw meat, as opposed to the vegan kibble she insists we eat, but we’re dogs and we can’t talk.

The first pap to show up with a steak can get all the way to her bathroom window.

I'm the silent tears gently cascading down each of her temples as Meghan, deep in REM sleep, experiences her most cherished recurring dream. It's Oprah shouting at the top of her voice "YOU get a Tiara!! YOU get a Tiara!! YOU get a Tiara!! EVERYBODY GETS A TIARA..............."

I'm the pit stains.. waiting for the biggest night of my life!

R156 MEGHAN ARE YOU OKAY?

ARE YOU OKAY MEGHAN? ARE YOU OKAY MEGHAN HOW ARE YOU DOING???

Stop it!!! Stop it!!!! The current narrative is that: Meghan and Harry and baby Archie are living a quiet life, hiking in the woods around their $10 Million mansion and they feel a "weight has been lifted" now that they have "stepped back." They eat wine and cheese with fruit while watching BritBox in the evenings by the fire, and Meghan roasts Harry's favorite chicken for Sunday Roast. And they are playing classical music for Archie and teaching him how to walk.

EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're the fast and furious leaks to the press to convince the world that the Hazbeans are FINE, NEVER BETTER, A WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED! (They haven't actually done anything for three months, but it was stressful!)

I'm the one she wanted for her wedding. She'll never get me now!

Thank you, R175. I completely forgot. And not a lot of people have asked if she's OK.

I'm Kate MIddleton interviewing former MI-4 agents to see if kidnapping Archie and holding him hostage at Kensington Palace will convince HArry to come back and do a few appearances, so Can get some rest. My jaw hurts from all those wide open-mouth laughs and smiles I have to do. I'm thinking of rationing them to twice a week. Shit.

I’m the Ergo carrier. The company that made me is going bankrupt.

Merching Meg failed.

I'm the opening of an envelope!

I expect to be seeing a LOT of Meg in the coming years.

I'm one of Prince Philips assassins we wait [REDACTED BY ORDER OF MI:6]

I'm the drafts of the letter sent to Pa Markle that Meghan had leaked to people via her "5 friends." There are reams and reams of me, and I'm all written in half-assed "calligraphy."

I am Meghan's panama hat. You've seen me on The Tig, at Wimbledon, and I'll be coming back out as soon as she hits Malibu. She thinks I give her a certain panache. I hope I'm not UV protected, because I want to give her skin cancer.

I am Princess Charlotte, waiting patiently for Meghan to set foot on English soil again, disguised in peasant attire behind one of Windsor Great Park's ancient oaks - and when I'm done with her, it will be the last time she sets foot in Our land.

I'm the all-natural line of unisex fragrances, scented candles, bathroom sprays, and potpourri, "THE SWEET SMELL OF SUSSEX!"

I will be the source of major friction and the eventual end of Meghan's short-lived friendship with Goop, who claims that the original idea for the brand was hers all along. And the end of Apple Martin's occasional job babysitting for Archie.

I will be readily available at your nearest TJ Maxx and Dollar Tree by early 2022.

I am the pole pool skimmer that Megsie will be brandishing as a weapon, swinging it wildly some summer night in 2021, chasing Harry around the pool while screaming obscenities.

I'm the preferred brand of gin, consumed by the CASE.

I'm the bottle of Casamigos tequila Harry and Meghan pull out from under the bar whenever George Clooney pops by. I'm not Harry's favorite, but he'll pretty much drink anything.

I'm a producer with Jimmy Kimmel trying to convince Harry and Meghan to come on the show and read mean tweets about themselves. Harry is wavering.

I'm all the Hollywood A-Listers who will have to pretend to like Meghan otherwise we'll be branded racists.

I'm Queen Elizabeth's house warming gift shipped all the way from Buckingham Palace - a large 23x36 beautifully framed still of my favorite picture from the wedding. Just a subtle reminder that the Queen of the World is also the Queen of Shade....

..^..

I’m the California sunshine. I never see that Archie kid.

I'm Archie at two (looks three), still strapped into that same carry harness made for 3-6 mos. infants, only now just one leg will fit in it - but it makes Mum look, well, maternal for the paps.

I'm the coin purse containing what's left of Diana's inheritance.

Ugh, that baby carrier photo is so cringy. He's practically falling out of it and she barely notices because all she can think about is whether the paps are getting her good side. You can tell she has no close female friends or relatives to mentor her on how to be a good mother. She's completely clueless and unnatural with Archie.

I'm Meghan's displeasure when the Clooneys stop by. George and Harry will drink too much and get very "bro-ey" but it's really an excuse for them to get their hands all over each other. Tickling contests? Wrestling? Really, guys?

Worst of all, I have to pretend to make conversation with snotty Amal. Freaking smug bitch.

Armie Hammer's wife is an idiot but at least she makes makes me feel super sophisticated.

I’m Amal Clooney’s terse email explaining to Mrs. Chambers and Duchess Sussex that they cannot patent vegan cupcakes.

I'm the petri dish waiting to be utilized.

I'm the million-dollar collection of French couture hanging in the walk-in closet. Meghan managed to bilk that out of Charles during the first year married to his gormless son. They thought Meghan would work for the Crown. Tee tee!

We're RPOs. Harry and Meghan are "internationally protected people." Meghan said so!

I'm the copper bath. Still not seen any action. Pair of scruffs.

I'm the floating yoga floor. Doria is a yoga instructor....social worker....therapist....makeup artist....travel agent.....flight attendant. What the hell does Meg claim her mom does again?

I'm the screaming taking place in advance of the Oscars. Everything has to be perfect! Do you hear me? PERFECT!!!

I'm the smear of bronzer that glazes Meghan's cheeks. Above me is the visible eyelash glue that dominates close-ups.

I'm the pilfered Kensington Palace stationary Meghan used to write her heartfelt condolences to the people attending their class reunion. "Our school was such a special time in my life, and I so wish I could share the reunion with you."

I'm the bananas. Meghan writes instructions in Sharpie to Harry on me. We're the only thing he'll read.

R193 I really like the empty canvas better...captures the duchess perfectly...all that white space.

I'm the ghost of Prince Philip and I'm here to drive your car, Ma'am.

I'm Gayle King dodging Meghan's phone calls.

I'm a light. Meghan likes to shine me.

We are the security cameras. Resistance is futile.

R215 - I am the facial recognition technology that the We Are The Woke Human Rights Sussexes are going to bring in to replace your passe CCTV shit, and, yeah, resistance is futile.

^*R214 (not R215)

R156 should go read a few of the many Jackie Onassis threads on DL. There he will see that the DL Queens are routinely shredding JKO for the same thing they deplore about Meghan Markle. If anyone was "to the manor, born" then it was Jackie, who only did what she was raised to do. Point: If they ridicule her for it, then no one is out of bounds.

Hey, Booger, I may gossip about Jackie, but I would never ridicule her or mock her or try to bring her down in any way. I adore Jackie. She shouldn't even be part of this conversation.

You may continue...

R217 - It's the same Meghanstan troll who infects all the threads critical of her idol, Rachel Meghan Markle Sussex, of LaCA, via Windsor, England, to Vancouver, Canada, but inching every closer toward glitzy, shallow, but shark-infested waters of her natal city - where she really belongs.

Just block her.

I am Meghan screaming at Harry that if he shows his face at Princess Beatrice's wedding in May without her at his side, that Welsh gold wedding ring will be in the FedEx envelope the next day.

(But not the $200,000 engagement ring, Ah'm keepin' that.)

R217 “to the manor, born”.

I am that Welsh gold wedding ring, and fuck me if she even knew where Wales was after two years in the UK or why the royal wedding rings keep getting made from Welsh mines.

Did you see any leeks on that ridiculous veil she wore?!

So R218 is aka R156?

I'm her breathless confession to Mulroney: It's from a whale. I didn't even know whale had gold in them!

R223 - Very likely. You have to figure that anyone claiming on DL some sort of virtue in "never mocking" a celebrity is mentally deficient, as the claimant has clearly ignored the intro of "pointless bitchery" the site proclaims on its homepage.

R189 May I suggest Monkey 47 with Fever Tree tonic. Very tigworthy.

I’m the Russian owner of the mansion. I’m in for a rude awakening.

I Russian owner of mansion. Royal Highness in for a rude avakening. Heh heh.

I am the high profile appearance scheduled to deflect attention from the wedding of Andrew's other daughter. It will be a late night gown and tux fundraiser at a prestigious organisation on the evening of 28 May, so that photos and highlights of my thunderously applauded speech on Human Rights and Acts of Kindness (especially Acts of Kindness!) are timed to hit he tabs on 29 May - the morning of that buck-toothed, pop-eyed Princess of the Blood's Big Day.

KLAN THREAD KLAN THREAD KLAN THREAD

I'm the perpetually dissatisfied self.

R230 LMAO

I'm Robert Kraft and a walking wig passed me her phone number in the 1 Hotel, South Beach, Miami.

R230

STAN ALERT! STAN ALERT! STAN ALERT!

We're Meghan and Harry, waiting for that eleventh hour invite to make a "special guest appearance" at tomorrow night's OSCAR broadcast.

That invite will never materialize. Harry will watch the broadcast with a pitcher of gin-and-tonics and some Pringles (watching Archie, of course) while Meghan sulks in her bedroom, furiously scribbling in her diary (a red Moleskin notebook with "My Princess Diary" scrawled in Sharpie across the cover).

I’m Gayle King and I’m tired of people asking me about Meghan.

It makes Oprah mad, too.

I am the sleek, black Mercedes sent by an anonymous donor after Rolls Royce refused to comp them. Everything about is perfect except the brakes.

We are the seatbelts that will malfunction under certain circumstances in the Mercedes. Things cannot be left to chance.

I'm Doria's particular thought while driving back to her own home after her first visit to Harry and Meghan's house:

"And I remember that as I sat in that centuries old church and gazed ahead to see the Queen of England and two future Kings sitting before me - to think that MY Flower was marrying into THE Royal family to become one of the most famous and wealthy women in the world, I knew - Yes, I knew that like a torch being passed from one hand to another - I knew the GIFT for the GRIFT had passed on in a mighty, mighty way...."

I’m Gary Janetti, tingling with nervous anticipation. What happens if we’re ever at the same restaurant or event? Will they laugh it all off or cut me dead? I better have some quips ready.

I'm Quid Pro Quo. I'll be knocking on their door soon.

I can teach her pole and twerk.

I am the Meghanfraus on Celebitchy, realising that our idol just made an appearance at a How To Get Even Richer conference held by one of the world's biggest corporate criminals and complicit in the 2008 debacle, with Robert Kraft in attendance (after all those mean things she said about Andrew, too!), for a big cheque (not going to charity). No wonder she didn't want photos taken!

Now, how the fuck are we supposed to spin this so that it makes it look it's all Kate's and William's fault?

We're the Celebitchy stans, R243, this is ALL William and Kate's fault. They drove our beloveds to it. If William hadn't been SO jealous and Kate not so lazy and boring and old - and had they not perpetually thrown Harry and gorgeous, strong, brave Meghan UNDER THE BUS, this NEVER would have happened.

Also from CB. It's all evil William's and dowdy Kate's fault, they drove them to do this because they leak *everything* about the poor Sussexes. Haz and Megs had to do this privately, under cover of darkness, to combat the KP LEAKERS. They need to stay one step ahead of that game!

I'm Camilla visiting Harry & Meghan with Charles on a one-time peacemaking trip. I'll somehow stumble over a suspiciously placed toy belonging to Archie and fall headfirst into the pool while piss-drunk.

I'm the 50-foot-lace veil worn by a divorced woman who wore virginal white to her second (or was it third?) wedding. I was embroidered with flowers from the Commonwealth to demonstrate how the bride was going to do so much for the Commonwealth countries, but she ripped me to shreds and now I'm in a bin bag waiting for collection day.

I'm the attendees of the JP Morgan event wondering why we had to listen to ex-royalty whine about his mother's death from 25 years ago. It was uncomfortable, and all of us kept checking our cell phones surreptitiously to avoid feeling embarrassed for the inarticulate ginger. Wait-our company paid how much for him to monetize his mummy?

I'm also from Celebitchy, so RACIST! OBSESSED! HATERS! Um, RACIST! And.. uh.. UGLY LIKE YOUR WORDS. Oh, yeah: INVESTED in JP Morgan. I mean people you don't know. AND RACIST!

I'm the attendees at the event remembering how much I wanted to bang the guy's mother. Now I'm Googling his wife's tits to stay awake.

I'm the chocolate melting on the Diamond Chocolate cake waiting to be served to the billionaires at the JPMorgan "Summit" whilst that whingeing ginge delays my entrance.

And, oddly, the grifter wife is beginning to look more and more like Hillary Clinton at Goldman Sachs in New York, where years ago my entrance was ALSO delayed whilst she finished telling the Board and investors how she, too, had rather lost touch with the lives of the common folk.

These people have no respect for art.

I’m the name “Radlan”, which is one of Doria’s aliases. Though I’ve mostly been forgotten, there are more waiting to be discovered.

I'm the gritted teeth and fierce smile before, during and after having had to introduce [italic]Harry.[/italic]. When this is my moment... Meghan. MEGHAN. Plan the work, work the plan. Plan the work, work the plan...

Ma Middleton arranged the JP Morgan event and then leaked about it to the press to make Harry and Meghan look bad. She's behind EVERYTHING!

I'm the one-million dollars Harry got for speaking at JP Morgan. I'm the price of his soul and self-respect. At least only one brother monetized his mother's death. William still has integrity. You can't buy his most soul crushing moments.

I'm Harry's new therapist.

I'm Queen Mary's Bandeau Tiara - why did she have to pick me? Why did she have to pick ME?! All the tiaras in all the world and she has to walk into the vault where I am and pick ME!

When will I get a chance to remove the Tiara for Second Rate Grifters stain?! "Oh, she's okay as an also-ran to the Greville or the Vladimir . . .

The Vladimire for fuck's sake, how was I supposed to compete with THAT?!

I'll be in this vault gathering dust for another 25 years because of that bitch.

R256 No! I'm his new therapist!!!

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

No! I’M Harry’s new therapist!

I'm Meghan, relieved that she turned down presenting best picture. "Would people draw parallels between my life and the characters in Parasite?" Meghan wonders as she dozes off.

[quote]I'm the 50-foot-lace veil worn by a divorced woman who wore virginal white to her second (or was it third?) wedding.

White doesn't signify virginity anymore Aunty Pittypat. All brides wear it. No one expects brides to be virgins these days either....unless they are child brides in a sicko Mormon sect.

I'm Meghan as it slooooooooowly dawns on me that I had more cachet inside the BRF than out.

R262 - No one expects brides to be virgins these days but neither does one expect a 36 year old divorcee c-list actress at her second marriage to take on the attributes of a younger woman on her first marriage. She looked ridiculous, no matter what the logic of the argument.

She could easily have worn something more appropriate that was still bridal, still white, but that didn't scream, "I Know I'm Not The Real Thing And This Is A Third Rate Royal Wedding But I'm Going To Dress Like I Am And It Isn't.

She looked stupid.

I’m the partying.

I'm Meghan's looonnnggg white embroidered veil and I'm here to tell you that Aunt Pittypat is right: given that my wearer knew she wouldn't stay the course, my eye-watering price tag, was even more inappropriate than anyone knew.

I knew as soon as Betty refused to give her the tirara she wanted that the whole show would last maybe three years and I'd end up a laughing-stock on, well, on a site like DL.

R262-indeed. It was the whole blushing, bashful, virginal routine that made her look ridiculous. She could have really established herself as a forward-thinking icon had she chosen something more appropriate for a repeat wedding. People would have loved and embraced her for it. Instead she went the Disney Princess route thereby setting off millions of bullshit detectors around the world. I'm continually gobsmacked by her lack of intelligence and savvy. Her grifting met the perfect storm with the spoiled, dim prince. No one else in Harry's social set would have gone near her with a ten-foot pole.

I'm the narcissist collapse Meghan is currently experiencing as she realizes that she is indeed not as important as she thought.

I'm the dartboard with Kate Middleton's face square in the middle. That BITCH!!

Ah, but some of us did, R267. I'm Tom Inskip, fondly known as Skippy, who previously sampled the delights of Ms Markle's yachting talents, and mistakenly thought that my old friend Harry wanted to do likewise.

Now I live in social Siberia.

Princess Anne here (that's "The Princess Royal" to you lot), and I am taking over Harry's appointment as Captain-General of the Royal Marines, the first time in history a woman has held the post.

They should have given it to me as soon as Papa (that's HRH The Duke of Edinburgh to you lot) stepped down after holding it for 64 years, because I'm twice the man Harry ever was, let alone ever will be.

P.S. I'm also twice the man my idiot older brother is. If you think I'd have let Harry marry that tart, think again. HRH Anne The Princess Royal.

R271

I'm Meghan, and the only one in the entire BRF I'm scared of is HRH, the Princess Royal.

I'm Kate having once said "Thank God she came along just when she did. I'm in like Flynn, y'all."

I'm also Kate now saying "Damn it to hell and FUUUUUUCK MEEEEEE! She left the firm and the country so it's only a matter of time before they start on me again, y'all."

I'm the sinking realization that we're not as globally special as we thought we were.

I'm all the wasted opportunities to shine as globally popular members of the BRF.

^ The irony is, he won't care. He's happier to be away from the shine - he's made his disdain for it clear. He's probably never been happier than he has been in the last two weeks - hiding far away from everybody, left alone, playing with the baby. She's the one who's going quietly nuts. I don't know how they reconcile that. She moves on when it's not working for her. Look at how many people she's shed as she moves along.

I'm the CEO of JPMorgan having a stiff drink behind the stage after handing Meghan the cheque as the Harkles exited.

"Thank fucking God that's over. Now let's get back to money talk."

I'm the Coronavirus. The Queen is going to confer a knighthood on me for wiping the Sussexes off the front pages.

I'm Queen Elizabeth. I'm writing out Letters Patent taking away the title of Duke and Duchess of Sussex, which I will sign if those two piss me off, and a second one creating them the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, to be held against the day they REALLY get on my tits.

Fuck with an Old Queen at your peril, bitches!

I'm the second and third babies that Harry wants. I'm not happening unless they find a surrogate, because Meghan can't possibly fit me into her schedule, and doesn't want to after Archie left her thickened up for about two years.

Thinking of me gets Harry at the G&Ts again.

[quote]I'm the Coronavirus. The Queen is going to confer a knighthood on me for wiping the Sussexes off the front pages.

By post. I am 93.

I'm the weary Megastan trolling and ff'ing these threads for all I'm worth.

I'm the weary Megastan thriving on my new sense of purpose trolling and ff'ing these threads. I haven't felt this kind of meaning since before I lost my Cosby Show lunchpail!

KLAN THREAD KLAN THREAD KLAN THREAD

I'm Peter Phillips and I'm ticked to the gills that my stupid cousin had to split when he did, bringing all that attention to finances and running a grift in order to make dough off the BRF connection. Now I can't do anymore tacky foreign ads touting myself as "British Royalty" to pay off my soon-to-be-ex and my divorce lawyers. Sucks!

Not sure if R285 is being sarcastic or serious.

R287-that person is just a deranged Megstan who wants any thread critical of her idol shut down. It's weird. We snark on celebrities all the time on this site, but for some reason, she believes her woke princess is off limits.

I'm 12 stone Archie at Malibu Beach Fat Camp for Kids.

I'm Archie helping mama belt her 146th coat dress as she gets ready to head off for a prearranged pap walk. "Now tie it just right, A." (A is what I call him.)

I'm Queen Margrethe of Denmark, and looking at the mess in the House of Windsor, especially the grubby Selling Royalty For Shekels couple headed for LaCa, I am planning to propose to the Folketing inauguration of a new holiday: Daughter-in-Law Appreciation Day (thank you, Mary and Marie, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you . . . )

I'm Camilla. I send Meghan flowers once a month for FINALLY making me likable and relatable.

I suppose that last bit should have read: (Tak tak tak tak mange tak mange tak tak tak tak tak).

R291

I'm the polite letter from the IRS informing Meghan and Harry that 40% of that JPM cheque is mines.

I'm all the racist haters on these threads, making up crap like this because Meghan gives us NO content. Only one set of HQs all year. Some narcissist.

I'm Kate, ordering next year's clothes in their usual tiny sizes, thankomg God that with Harry gone, probably never to return and likely to end by giving up his titles formally and being removed from the line of succession because he no longer even lives in Britain, I don't have to take another bloody call from HM wondering if I'd mind having one more JUST to make sure . . .

But, Ma'am - that moves Prince Andrew up a place . . .

I'm the President of Stanford, and when I get my hands on those profs who tainted our glorious University by giving some "cover" to the characters of those two shallow grifters, they are going to lose their tenure.

I'm Lloyd Blankfein, Commander in Chief of Goldman Sachs, and I'm out there embarrassing the shit out of these two by moaning about how Bernie Sanders, if elected, will ruin the American economy.

Oh, yeah, just watch these two bend their progressive knees before my ruthless amoral American fortune.

That's right, Harry, kneel, because I can buy and sell your Dad ten times over and still have money left over.

How much did you say that house is that you've got your eye on?

I'm Meghan's hair as she deplanes.

[quote]I'm 12 stone Archie at Malibu Beach Fat Camp for Kids.

Well, what did you expect? I never get any exercise. Mom is still hauling me around in that infant front pack even though I'm 10 years old.

I genuinely believe she thinks it looks attractive, R299.

Archie is the new Suri.

R301, fair point. The strength of her self belief is... clinical.

I'm the mood she won't admit to when Dim asks if anything's wrong... because she read the tsunami of great press Kate got in every paper in the country... from one down to earth podcast.

I'm that blue and white striped shirt Meghan is wearing, as well as the jeans with the exposed zipper I'm coming out of, as we deplane on Vancouver Island.

It's all good: it makes us look earthy and plebian and relatable.

I'm all of you ugly Klan fraus who are like snakes eating your own tails, making threads like this because Meghan WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY NEW CONTENT.

All her future engagements are going to be private with no pictures for you repugnant vultures to peck and caw over. She has provided you with ONE, ONE set of HQs since early November 2019.

So much for the narc!

You 350lb bitches are starving.

WW this comment if you'd have seriously and just as contemptuously held Meghan in the same disdain had she been completely white with blond hair and blue eyes. WW if you have formed your opinion based solely on the content of her character. Be honest.

R307-For about the first six months, I thought Meghan Markle was Canadian of Italian descent. My opinion of her as a crass narcissist was already formed at that point. I was honestly surprised to find out that she was a biracial American. I think a lot of the issues surrounding Markle have less to do with race than they do with class and American culture. She is lower-middle class, and it was evident in so much of what she's done, from the 75K engagement dress to the half-million-dollar baby shower. There was just something so very Mama June about that.

R307 - the white girl coming from a self-made upper-middle-class family wore a nice white suit costing about £700 for her formal engagement portraits to the second in line for the throne. The photos were down to earth and very much what you'd expect.

The American c-list actress marrying the 6th in line and clearly oblivious to the need to establish some earnest creds with the country to which she was applying for citizenship and on behalf of the relationship of the very rich family she was marrying into with its people, wore a $75,000 dress and went for engagement photos that looked like Burberry ads.

She made herself obvious from the get-go, and it got worse as time went on.

You should look back at the coverage the very white, blue-eyed, red-haired English Sarah Ferguson got. She was mercilessly skewered within a short time after her marriage to Andrew. That honeymoon lasted about five minutes.

It's not Meghan's DNA. It's Meghan.

I'm the black bra under the blue and white striped shirt that Meghan has been careful to show a bit of by hooking her sunglasses into the neckline (why did she need sunglasses travelling north in February to Canada from Seattle?).

I've had to do this so many times (you can see me peeking out of the ooops undone top button and the armholes of Meghan's blouse at the von Straubenzee wedding, and through another ooops undone top button under the denim jacket in Africa last fall).

How could you leave me out after all my tireless work?!

'The American c-list actress marrying the 6th in line and clearly oblivious to the need to establish some earnest creds with the country to which she was applying for citizenship and on behalf of the relationship of the very rich family she was marrying into with its people, wore a $75,000 dress and went for engagement photos that looked like Burberry ads.'

Bitch, she's worth 5m and could have bought that dress herself many times over. She was probably gifted it as the designer got global exposure from those engagement pics. You're a typical snob who thinks that being 'sixth in line to the throne' means your wife should wear Laura Ashley and behave like fat, dowdy Sophie or Fugenie.

Thank God Meghan got away from the UK and Klan vultures like you pecking away at her every HQ. She has completely outwitted all her haters. No HQs for you since November and you call her a narc?

I am the leather portfolio Meghan carries places so she looks like she's smart and hardworking.

Can, the ghetto talk, R311. You're trash and you stink up the place.

[quote]Bitch, she's worth 5m and could have bought that dress herself many times over.

But she didn't, did she?

GRIFT.

We know Markle had no money of her own. She rented in Canada. She didn't own. It's a small detail, but a huge tell in terms of where she truly was financially.

She didn't even rent nicely. That house was not particularly attractive or in a great neighbourhood.

It was what she could afford.

She was worth 5m from her many sponsorships and her well paid role on Suits. She rented in Canada and owned in LA.

Unseen of R313, referring to the 'ghetto.'

We are the neighborhood's dogs. We are exhausted from being walked 20 times daily just case we might run into them.

.. just in case ..

R310 - And what about ME?!

Well, R319, you're better off than me. Megs adopted me and then dumped me after she decided I was no longer "working for her".

[quote]All her future engagements are going to be private with no pictures

LOL, oh my sides. That's so the opposite of what she wants. And if it comes to pass that everything she does is "private with no pictures" she will be long forgotten and ignored.

"All her future engagements are going to be private with no pictures"

R323 - Add my broken ribs to yours.

After marrying an A-list celebrity to grasp at last the A-lists status she couldn't get as a c-list actress, she's now going to retreat from the public eye, whilst at the same time trying to build a merchandising on the celebrity she got in the glare her marriage brought her . . . but doing so with no more glare.

And no photos doesn't mean not public. There were no photos at JPMorgan, either, remember? Or GS? Or Stanford? But, somehow, all those engagements managed to land her on the front pages . . . again.

^*merchandising empire

R317 The five million dollar net worth number is pulled out of someone's (one wonders who) ass. She made about $50,000 per episode on Suits, and her annual salary was around $450,000, which also included around $80,000 worth of annual sponsorship/endorsements income. from the the Tig and Canadian retailer Reitman's. She was paid $187,000 for appearing in the film "Remember Me" and $171,429 for "The Candidate," both released in 2010.

She rented in Toronto and when she was married to her first husband, Trevor Engleson, they rented a home in Hancock Park.

Whether you like her or hate her doesn't matter to me, but unless she didn't spend a cent for seven years in Canada (which has higher tax rates than the US, but no matter: Americans have to pay US tax wherever they earn the money) she's not worth five million dollars nor anything close to it.

I am the brand SussexRoyal, now consigned to the dustbin of branding history, thanks to that bitch back in sorry-arse Old Blighty.

No, not the one in Kensington Palace, the one in Buckingham Palace.

If Meg had wisely saved and invested her money from "Suits", she could probably be worth five million on her own at this point. But I bet she didn't, I bet she spent every cent plus whatever credit she could get on the kind of wardrobe and lifestyle that would let her fit in and husband-hunt within the world's 1%. That's what the serious gold-diggers and social climbers do.

And I can't say it was a bad investment. I don't think she'll end up a billionaire, but she'll sure as hell end up richer than an aging C-list actress.

[quote]If Meg had wisely saved and invested

One of the funniest sentence clauses ever.

'LOL, oh my sides. That's so the opposite of what she wants. And if it comes to pass that everything she does is "private with no pictures" she will be long forgotten and ignored.'

But this is what is happening, dear. It has been since early November. We're nearly in March. She could have HQs everywhere she goes, but she doesn't want it. Sick of revolting old pedo vultures like you stalking her and picking apart everything she wears. ' —Anonymous

I'm Sussex Royal, consigned to the dust heap of history.

I'm Sussex Royal, the new pets.com

I'm sussexroyal, with more followers than Replikate and Baldie. They could call it Meghan and Harry and it will still always have more followers than Replikate and Baldie. That's what happens when you have a global reach as opposed to a national one.

[quote]I'm sussexroyal, with more PURCHASED followers than Replikate and Baldie.

There, fixed it for you.

Love how much more popular Meg is than dried up raisin Kate.

I'm all the negative comments that have been swamping the soon to be ex Sussex Royal on Instagram. Now that all the staffers have been fired, there's no one to delete us.

I'm Kaiser. I dominate Celebitchy with my baseless criticism of the Cambridges. I am having a full-on seizure at the thought of the beautiful Duchess Meghan not being able to use Sussex Royal. The British Royal Family is so unfair, and this is evil William throwing his brother under the bus yet once again. I don't have proof, but I'm going to out it out there as fact anyway. And I hate Kate. Because she's not beautiful Duchess Meghan.

R336, the comments on their instagram make DL look like one of her cloying bananagrams. 3rd degree ouch over there.

I'm the condescending sneer that creeps across the Kardashian clan's faces whenever they cross paths with the Harkles.

'I am having a full-on seizure at the thought of the beautiful Duchess Meghan not being able to use Sussex Royal.'

Meghan and Harry is a much better brand for them than the stuffy Sussex Royal. Meghan wants a quiet life and she's got it. You Klan pedos lost your fun.

[quote]Meghan and Harry is a much better brand for them than the stuffy Sussex Royal.

You Meg & Harrystans were crowing weeks ago how the intrepid duo would make BILLIONS from their brand, and from their world famous profile and work ethic. Now you call it "stuffy"? The worm turns fast in your world.

[quote]Meghan wants a quiet life and she's got it.

My sides! the idea that she wants a private quiet life is laughable. On what planet? I believe that Harry might want a bit of peace and low profile, given his lifelong exposure to everyone's view. But Meghan, who strove for years to become famous and known worldwide? Guffaw.

Why do the Megalowmaniacs even come here? They only add fuel to the fire.

What fire? H&M have cooled from hot to barely lukewarm in record time. Their paid shills haven't been much help raising the temperature, either.

Of course, today's slapdown from Buckingham Palace doesn't exactly light a fire under their new brand now, does it?

I'm the difference between "famous" and "imfamous"!

Harry and Meg don't understand me at all.

[QUOTE] You Meg & Harrystans were crowing weeks ago how the intrepid duo would make BILLIONS from their brand, and from their world famous profile and work ethic. Now you call it "stuffy"? The worm turns fast in your world.

They are the brand and a brand called Harry and Meghan would sell just as well as the dull and uninspired Sussex Royal. I've said this dozens of times.

[QUOTE] Oh my sides!

This phrase ages you so much. You're probably in your 70s and your 'sides' have heavy rolls of lard hanging off them.

R345, how will brand Meghan sell when he realizes his marriage is a giant shakedown and he kicks her to curb? You seem to know everything else. TIA!

A definition of good bones...

Sorry, wrong thread.

I am the list of upcoming events in Old Blighty that Meghan has to attend in order to keep her foot in the door marked ROYAL if she isn't to piss off TQ, Charles, and William so badly that by the time they're through with her, they'll even have taken "Mrs Mountbatten-Windsor" away.

We can hear her gnashing her teeth from this side of the Pond.

[quote]Oh my sides!

[quote]This phrase ages you so much. You're probably in your 70s and your 'sides' have heavy rolls of lard hanging off them.

Well aren't we just a bit cunty today? The phrase was used sardonically, actually- not that you'd understand that or anything. I also love the ad hominem attacks when anyone posts anything mildly Sussex-critical. So transparent.

[quote] They are the brand and a brand called Harry and Meghan would sell just as well as the dull and uninspired Sussex Royal.

They are a 'brand'-? I thought they were a newly married couple. Wtf are they? A business partnership, from the way their stans rattle on....oh and now the SussexR brand is 'dull and uninspired' eh? Stans were chortling about how they'd make billions just a few wks/months ago.

R350-I know-I love how angry the stans got and then back pedaled and said they never really cared about Sussex Royal anyway. They are really, really amusing. It is going to be popcorn for weeks when the divorce happens.

'how will brand Meghan sell when he realizes his marriage is a giant shakedown and he kicks her to curb?'

If he was having any doubts at all about their marriage, he wouldn't have moved out to Canada with her last November. They don't do much there so are together 24/7. He knows her inside out already. How much of a 'shakedown' is it when she happily encouraged him to jettison the royal status you loons believe she married him for? Nothing you believe makes sense in the current set up.

I am HRH the Duke of York. Yes, count the letters bitches, still got all three of 'em.

And that dreadful Markle woman? More uncouth and unbecoming than anyone else I've ever been associated with.

I am the unaccountably large slice of cake that our clever Queen has cut the Harkles, all whilst making it look like her brows were knit in sorrowful anger.

Why, I am the non-private Queen's patronage Meghan gets to keep! I am the military appointments Harry will get back next year! I am the bill for the Frogmore renos that we all know the Harkles will never have to pay! I am the Harkles' appearance at this year's Trooping the Colour! I am seats in the front for Bea's wedding (he he he I can hear Andrew snarling all the way from Vancouver as Mum lays down the law: they get an invite or ELSE!)! I am regular appearances in the UK with the National Theatre! I am . . .

Still an HRH, still a Duke and Duchess, still rich, still a British royal - and don't you forget it.

^ adequate fanfic.

"All her future engagements are going to be private with no pictures for you repugnant vultures to peck and caw over."

Boo Hoo R39, and Wah Wah Wah for good measure. If and when they land in March all events that they are involved in will be covered by THE ROYAL ROTA. So she best get her ass out and buy some deodorant.

^^^^^ I mean R306! Sorry R39, you can sit next to me.

The Trooping is June 13th this year.

Predicting it now: People, June 14th: Close sources say Kate and William refused to speak directly to Meghan, who attended the event hoping to find common ground, but now accepts the entire Royal Family has closed ranks against her.

That's OK, R357. You meant "antiperspirant," too.

Deodorant works on the odor, not the appearance.

I am the bathing suits Meghan is ordering by the dozens before she moves to L.A., anticipating lazy warm afternoons poolside but frantically trying to find ones that don't make her look like a barrel on sticks because of her post-baby body changes.

'If and when they land in March all events that they are involved in will be covered by THE ROYAL ROTA.'

Nope, fatty, they are off the ROYAL ROTA. You'll get your fix of HQs from their chosen source (not the Mail or Sun) and they will then disappear again for another four months and you'll be reduced to making tragic threads like this one to feed your addiction to Meghan content.

?? r361: their UK appearances such as the Commonwealth Service will be covered by the royal rota, that's fact.

Let's hope that Meghan manages to WRECK Beatrolll's wedding by announcing her second pregnancy.

Cannot wait to see the Celebitchy Troll and Titles Troll crying over that.

Ooops, speak of the devil: I am the New House Possibility: a $7 million property in Malibu (we knew Malibu would come into it sooner or later, didn't we?).

"Harry and Meghan are eyeing up a £5.4million ($7million) Malibu mansion in the countdown to 'Megxit' when the couple will end all official royal duties on March 31.

The royal couple originally promised to split their time between the UK and Canada and spent their six-week Christmas holiday at a luxurious £14.1 million waterside mansion on Vancouver Island.

But there are now reports the couple are keen to relocate to California, where they would be close to Meghan's mother Doria Ragland, Silicon Valley and Hollywood.

The five-bedroom mansion believed to be on their radar also boasts a swimming pool, tennis court and sprawling grounds."

Okay, so I only have five bedrooms just like the FrogCott, but all resemblance ends there.

Once Harry gets a taste for life inside me, he'll give up even pretending to want to stay in that sorry old dump his Gran foisted off on him.

I'm Doria Ragland, wondering if an impromptu move to the East Coast might not be warranted. Damn! I thought I got rid of that kid once she head to Canada.

He may like the price tag on Granny's dump better. They're notoriously cheap and it will be easy to burn through his relatively modest amount of capital.

Oh, sorry.... I forgot about the billions from brand Sussex Royal.

Oh, sorry, I forgot, brand Sussex Royal is Google Glass.

Yes, don't forget, R366, the Sussexes are a billion-dollar brand! Meghan's PR plants said so. Wait, how many "my mummy died and I had to walk behind her coffin talks" does it take to get to one billion?

Haz, I think people would find it meaningful if you actually talked about how much pain you were in when you actually [italic]saw[/italic] her in the coffin. I just think it would really pay big returns to - ummmmm - to be able to help people heal by getting really, really honest with your truth. You know, they need to understand the details of your suffering. That's worth something to humanity. Honey, can you maybe put Xbox away for like just a minute - just a minute - while I tell you about this?

There isn't going to be a second pregnancy, R363, not when she's got to go out and hustle for that billion!

And getting paid by the designer for every piece of clothing she wears, she'll even let her shirt hang open if the bra manufacturer gives her a few grand. And has!

“But there are now reports the couple are keen to relocate to California, where they would be close to Meghan's mother...”

This is the mother who wasn’t even invited to the baby shower, right?

I'm the consultants in L.A., greedily dusting off my hands to help the Sussexes find a new, trendy, catchy name for their "brand" now that the Queen has fucked them over royally.

I've got focus groups lined up already.

We're the focus groups. Our two major reaction words are: tacky and condescending.

They've swapped grim Frogmore under the flight path for a beautiful beachside property in Malibu! Really living the good life.

I'm Muriel, closing down one Klan thread after the other. This one is next.

Pic of R374

I'm every talk show host in L.A., wondering if there's anything more than one whingeing sit-down tell-all interview in these two, and how many times I can get my ratings up by hearing Harry talk about how at pushing 40 he still hasn't gotten over Diana, and Meghan talk about how she alone modernised the 1,000 year old British monarchy - in the space of, what was it in actual work time, 18 months? - despite Them not making it easy . . . and how she and Harry between them are going to spend the rest of their lives Doing Good.

I'm Muriel, closing down one Klan thread after the other. This one is next.

'And getting paid by the designer for every piece of clothing she wears, she'll even let her shirt hang open if the bra manufacturer gives her a few grand. And has!'

And yet she isn't being photographed or posting pictures of any type of clothes, and hasn't since early November 2019. So you are wrong. They want a quiet, lazy life with no press scrutiny, no revolting old women like you poring over their pictures and losing their minds over dangling price tags.

She's gone ghost, and you just can't face it, because you need Meghan content in order to thrive. As each months goes by with nothing for you to devour, you grow more and more savage.

You say that every day, R377 and it's still here.

I can sum it up. DON'T. YOU. KNOW. WHO. I. AM?! And, scene.

R379 at her local rally.

Oh, that again. Wow, you're changing the world.

The Klan spammers are getting nowhere judging by the tenor of the comments.

No one but them believes the definition of racism is criticism of Meghan.

I'm the copy of People Magazine in the staff room, with the cover headline of "Their Fresh Start" crossed out with a sharpie, and "KICKED OUT" scrawled below it.

Really, I'm looking at the defaced magazine cover right now!

Spammers, R383? Plural? It's one LSA loser.

Don't forget her one friend who gives the W&W. But I'm guessing the one who posts the one who can spell best.

R385 - It's one Beauty School Dropout.

R377 You sure you don’t have any gangstalking to worry about? I heard they’re after you.

I'm the Sussex Royal pencils, all snapped in half in a pique of rage after Meghan found out that the plan she'd been laying for over a year has just been blown out of the water.

I'm the manufacturers' reps in L.A. swearing liberally as I call in the marketing cogs to tell them they have to go back to their cubicles and reinvent the entire ad campaign - no "royal", no coronets (at least not any that look too suspiciously like the one hanging over their monogram, and for Christ's sake, look it the fuck up so you don't make any mistakes!), and no coats of arms!

Let's not and be respectful of their wish to maintain a less public life that invites the kind of vitriol they left behind.

Most of you deserve this reply to your posts: "You wish...."

Lots of petty little buggers in this thread. Seems we've had a brit invasion of late, and it correlates with the lowered level of discourse across the board. They can be excused after being held to such a high standard for so long and failing so miserably at it.

Yes, of course - the very first thing I think of when I think of Datalounge is the word ‘respectful’.

Degree of trolling is the thing, R392. I have no problem with snark.

I should have said 'maintain your self-respect' and really set the fires burning.

I'm the next house in Malibu that the DM will assure us without a shred of evidence is on the short list for purchase by the Sussexes. I will carry an eye-watering multi-million dollar sticker, have a pool with a bar and bar stools in the middle so you don't even have to get out an dry off for a cocktail, a cabana, a tennis court, a private beach, six bedrooms, eight bathrooms, a six-car garage, and a guest house (we have to put the RPOs somewhere).

One of these days, I WILL be the real one!

Oldlez, you might want to talk to your neurologist. There are drugs that can slow the progression a little.

[quote]Let's not and be respectful of their wish to maintain a less public life that invites the kind of vitriol they CAUSED.

There, fixed it for you.

I'm Harry who did a private speaking engagement, got paid 750k, and ensured that there were NO PICTURES at all.

Oh my sides, as you Klan grannies say! None at all! This is the way it's going to be. They've probably done two other engagements already and you don't even know about it.

Meghan really has put a stop to your fun.

Smart of him, R397. He has to work behind closed doors.

The booing they'll get in a public setting would be so off-brand.

R397 - Oh, it's the Klan Grannies OP.

Oh, not to worry, pet. We're having tonnes of fun watching the Sussexes turn eveything they touch to shit, and seeing the old bag in BP put a stop to Meghan's fun with SussexRoyal and calling herself HRH publicly. And one of these days, the old bitch is going to take even more of Meghan's pretensions away.

By the way, did you see the cheque with the figure $750,000 on it? No? Thought not.

Let me guess: you've got "mutuals" with Megsy who saw the cheque and told you about it?

No? Thought not.

Oh, wait: you saw it in your crystal ball, the one in front of the shrine you have set up for Meghan in your bedroom.

I'm Meg's teeth. I'm being ground to powder, as Meg goes along with Henry's genuine desire to avoid the press and the limelight. She hates it and is desperately longing for the bright lights and red carpets, and is working on convincing Harry that he wants those things too!

I'm confident she'll find a way, he really is a dolt.

I'm the misinformation published on sussexroyal.com in January. HM seemed to ignore me at first, so I actually thought I might not only survive but thrive!. Alas, things aren't working out well for me. Slowly but surely I'm being corrected. Goodbye part-time working royal scheme. Goodbye SussexRoyal branding. Coming soon....goodbye exorbitant, unlimited, worldwide taxpayer-funded security.

'By the way, did you see the cheque with the figure $750,000 on it? '

So you Klan OAPS believe everything ELSE you read in the papers - stupid shit in the Express about MM assaulting staff by throwing hot drinks on them - but not that? What kind of fee did you expect Prince Harry to get from a banking corporation? It's all prestige to them, and they can easily afford that kind of money.

I'm the new branding of Sussex Royal. I'm simply called Harry and Meghan. Still the future king of England's son and his wife. Still globally recognised. Still the ultimate prestige brand.

' I'm being ground to powder, as Meg goes along with Henry's genuine desire to avoid the press and the limelight. She hates it and is desperately longing for the bright lights and red carpets'

Only in your brain does she want this. SHE ALREADY HAD it as a senior royal, and she rejected it. She has been savaged by the press and she wants no more of it. ONE set of HQs since early November. That says everything about her intention from here on out.

[quote]I'm the new branding of Sussex Royal. I'm simply called Harry and Meghan. Still the future king of England's ESTRANGED greedy son and his disliked wife. Still globally recognised as greedy and out of touch. Still the ultimate downmarket, ruined brand (that once had promise).

There, fixed it for you.

[quote]Only in your brain does she want this. SHE ALREADY HAD it as a senior royal, and she rejected it. She has been savaged by the press and she wants no more of it. ONE set of HQs since early November. That says everything about her intention from here on out.

You're leaving out the multiple Backgrid/Splash thirsty pap walks on Vancouver Island just last month, before Harry returned. THAT said everything about her real intentions from here out. Girl ain't going anywhere, she isn't going underground by a longshot.

Worldwide fame was always her endgame, not distant, reclusive privacy. You need a reality check.

R405, he isn't estranged. "Meghan and Harry are still a valued part of my family' said the Queen. Charles is still full of love for Harry. He only has two sons ffs. You really think they're never going to see each other again? This isn't Markle and Thomas.

Klan bitches of the world

Unite and take over

Klan bitches of the world

Hand it over, hand it over, hand it over

Umm, they are pretty far apart at the moment? Pretty close to estrangement - maybe not fully there yet, and hopefully won't get there, but things are pretty sour right now (read H&M's ranting missive from the weekend for an idea).

No one every said TQ and Charles (or even William) don't love Harry, or don't think of him as valued family. Stop exaggerating. It dims your argument. Things are not close at the moment, and not looking to become closer soon. If Harry stays away after this final break at end of March - doesn't attend the Trouping, blanks Beatrice's wedding, no UK Christmas - things will fray much further. And right now that's where I (and many others) unfortunately see it heading.

Things could improve, sure. Hopefully they will. But if recent statement and actions continue to play out it's not looking likely.

The fact he's a rogue royal adds a delightful frisson to the brand, as they are well aware. US corporations love that Prince Harry prefers the US (and just about anywhere else) to the UK.

'Things are not close at the moment, and not looking to become closer soon. If Harry stays away after this final break at end of March - doesn't attend the Trouping, blanks Beatrice's wedding, no UK Christmas - things will fray much further. '

You're talking as if you're some kind of palace insider. Your English is also abominable. I'm sure he will go to Beatrice's private wedding as there's no chance of him and M being photographed and judged.

There's no need for him to go to the TotC if he's not a working royal, though, so don't expect that. Any Christmas visits will be low key and private too. You can forget about the fun you used to have slagging off her appearance on the church walks or balcony. They'll do everything they can to avoid giving you and the press those opportunities after March.

[quote] You're talking as if you're some kind of palace insider. Your English is also abominable. I'm sure he will go to Beatrice's private wedding as there's no chance of him and M being photographed and judged.

I would bet a month's salary he doesn't attend that wedding. No one believes he'll be there at this point. And you're no grammarian yourself dear.

[quote]There's no need for him to go to the TotC if he's not a working royal, though, so don't expect that. Any Christmas visits will be low key and private too. You can forget about the fun you used to have slagging off her appearance on the church walks or balcony. They'll do everything they can to avoid giving you and the press those opportunities after March.

I never slagged off the DoS because of her public appearances. Not here or elsewhere, sorry. I've critiqued her attitudes, writing style (or lack thereof), and some of her decisions since marrying Harry.

And I still maintain there will not be a sustained "low profile" after March 31st. For a time, perhaps. The DoS is far too thirsty and ambitious a person to avoid the limelight for long. It's not in her, she's not made for private seclusion.

' I would bet a month's salary he doesn't attend that wedding. No one believes he'll be there at this point'

Why not? He's grown up with Beatrice and they've always seemed close. Her PRIVATE wedding doesn't have press access, and it's the press he hates, not his family members. He'll fly back to the UK for it, but it won't be documented as you want it to be. Nothing like the show Eugenie had, and that's the fault of the grand old pedo of York, who had ten thousand teenagers.

'The DoS is far too thirsty and ambitious a person to avoid the limelight for long.'

Where's your evidence of thirst? She stayed on a low key drama series for comfort and stability for 7 years rather than reaching out and trying for movie roles. She had a beach wedding rather than a massive formal affair. Her life seems to have been very much west coast New Age hippy in a lot of ways. She's just rejected her biggest opportunity to be in the limelight in favour of hiding out on an island in Canada. It's a year since she was regularly in the public eye.

You made up a fairytale about her and are now trying your best to pretzel the facts about her life for the past year to fit that fantasy. The reality is that she is low key. No red carpets, no public outings. Harry has done at least one private engagement. She visited a woman's organisation. They've had ample opportunities to go on red carpets and they keep away.

You're going to need a new narrative soon. Get your thinking cap on! Good job you're jobless so have plenty of time to weave some more rubbish.

[quote]He'll fly back to the UK for it, but it won't be documented as you want it to be.

We'll know if he does or doesn't attend, even if no photos get out. It will be reported by the UK press, other guests (never mind the bride's wayward mother and possibly father) will leak it to the media, either way.

'Either their royal duties end 31 March, or not. Either they have relinquished the patronages the Queen gave them, or not.'

Aw, here you are writing your little Kindle Unlimited fiction again! Poor old dear. They can still hold onto their patronages ffs. Why not? I think the patronages would rather have them as their figureheads than nobody, because idle Kate sure isn't taking on any others.

[quote]Where's your evidence of thirst?

You need glasses and an eye exam. This woman has made eye contact with nearly every single camera and photog since she's been with Harry. She's been deliberately papped, multiple times. She and her husband demanded their own pr and support offices, apart from all other royals, because they are so shy and retiring (the Princess Royal doesn't have her own office, and she works lowkey like a dog).

She did a VANITY FAIR fucking COVER months before her engagement, announcing loudly to all sundry that she and H were 'in love' - like we needed to know this? or couldn't see it already. Yeah, this is a shrinking, reclusive person alright.

R403 There's nothing prestigious about living off rich daddy's allowance while pretending to be independent.

R410 "Delightful" is the last adjective that comes to mind when describing Harry lately.

I’m the eventual jump from the Hollywood sign.

I'm "low key" Meghan. As I've told People magazine, and told my friends to tell People magazine, I'm just chilling in Vancouver with H and A. I don't obsessively check my social media, devour articles about Kate or hustle to procure our next paid engagement. I'm just bonding with the baby, doing yoga and hiking with my extremely happy husband and cooking up a storm of homemade organic baby food and roast chicken. So low-key here.

I'm the UK taxpayer reading the Meghan-Harry frau upthread chortling about how Harry prefers the US to the UK.

I'd prefer that Harry prefer the US, too - including its taxpayers.

Don't worry, R421, US taxpayers will be calling for their heads on a stick if there's even a suggestion these two are costing us money....

I'm the 20,000 new police offers Britain's streets so badly need, but suddenly there doesn't seem to be enough in the kitty to pay for us because . . . we're off guarding the Sussex compound in Canada.

I'm the exciting new event held in Scotland last night for Travesty...er...Travalyst! As you know, Just Call Me Harry spoke passionately about paving a new way for the poors to travel. Visa, TripAdvisor and Booking.com have agreed, out of the goodness of their big corporate hearts, to help low and middle class people find sustainable, planet-friendly eco travel options. Vacation plans will be scored based on completely objective factors having nothing to do with the economic interests of the partnering companies. Unfortunately, Just Call Me Harry and his family won't be able to use Travalyst because they are royal and super special.

I'm Michael Moore, current Chief of Police for the Los Angeles Police Department, and my cheeks are becoming ashen as I read Meghan Markle's latest statement accusing the Queen and all Harry's relatives, particularly Their Royal Highnesses the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, of "petty jealousy", and realising that this means the Queen will probably take away H&M's titles and styles for real, which means the UK taxpayer is off the hook for their security, which means that when the Harkles get here . . .

I'm on the hook for their security.

How am I going to tell the homeless down on Skid Row?!

I'm the Letters Patent being drawn up as this is typed, in response to Meghan's Latest Fuck You Bulletin.

I carry text to the effect that Harry is no longer an HRH nor Duke of Sussex, which means, of course, that neither is his wife.

However, my authoress has kindly left her grandson with his subsidiary title: Earl DUMBarton, so that Meghan will be able to call herself . . . Duchess DUMBarton.

My release is timed for the Commonwealth Day service on 9 March in Westminster Abbey.

^*that is, Meghan will be able to call herself Countess Dumbarton (not Duchess - that's, over, along with this farce).

I'm the crickets at BP.

Because this spoiled little girl is predictable, boring and increasingly irrelevant to us.

It seems like Meghan is provoking them to get a reaction. Perhaps she envisions heroically ending the evil monarchy. The woman who single-handedly brings it all down.

Either that, or she's in a rage and exhibiting terrible judgment.

More likely the latter, R429. This isn't her first conflict within family.

I don't envy the staffers who have to brief the Queen, Charles and William on the latest "friend" leak.

It's likely the Queen's Private Secretary, Sir Edward Young, brought in the news. Ditto at Clarence House, where Clive Alderton (CVO), who serves Charles in that capacity, did the same. Then one of them calls Mr Jamie Lowther-Pinkerton (MVO, MBE) to find out if the Duke of Cambridge has been apprised of events.

The problem is the Queen. If she wants to ignore the whole thing, they can huff and puff till they're blue in the face, it won't matter. Her capacity for denial in these matters is extraordinary, which is unfortunate, because Meghan will view any absence of response as a victory and try again.

It's just like Munich in 1938. You can think of the Queen's original statement after the Sandringham Summit as the first iteration of the "Agreement", then last Friday's additional statement by the Sussexes as Germany adding new terms re the Sudetenland that Britain and France forced Czechoslovakia to accept so the Agreement could be signed, and this latest salvo may be seen as Germany finally invading Poland, tired of waiting for the war he'd wanted all along.

My history is rusty, but that might be roughly right.

The Queen was a young teen during WWII and it lasted long enough for her to turn 18 and join the Women's Auxiliary Corps. Of all people, she should remember that there comes a time when compromise equals failure.

'She's been deliberately papped, multiple times.'

The UK papers won't print pap shots, only Royal Rota ones, so what is your point? She hasn't been deliberately papped since she married Harry. She wants to get away from that, thanks to grotesque vultures like you making racist comments about her looks.

Bitch please (r433). The Mail prints pap shots daily in nearly every post, 100s a day. Wtf do you mean the "UK papers" don't print pap shots? The tabloid papers do.

Not deliberately papped since her wedding? Bwahaha. She was just deliberately papped twice, last month in Vancouver before Harry returned from the UK. Nice shots too, looking straight on into the camera.

And I've never ever posted comments about her looks - link please. I've complimented her looks more often than not here. It's her attitude and negative character (for most part, I'm sure there's some positive aspects) that I comment on. But keep the lies and ad hominem attacks coming.

Klan grannies of the world

Unite and take over

Klan grannies of the world

Hand it over, hand it over, hand it over.

And the Klan came out of the water

But you're feeling so bad 'cause you know

That the Klan hide out in every corner

But you can't touch them no, 'cause they're all Naz-iiiiis

They're all Nazis

Meg Stannies of the world

Gather round and bend over

Meg Stannies of the world

Incoming! Bend over bend over.

R425 - Chief, I feel your pain.

Justin Trudeau

I'm all the drag queens in LA working on their impression of Meghan - hoping to secure themselves to a spot on Ru Paul's show. .

I’m the US Secret Service’s regional director for Southern California. I’m refusing to return the calls from Meghan’s lawyer asking for a security detail.

I believe, R439, that might not be them calling you. The call should go to the Department of State's Diplomatic Security Service who protect foreign dignitaries while they're in the US. Both the Secret Service and the State Department's DSS are Federal agencies under the ultimate direction of guess who? Someone the Duchess has never missed an opportunity to trash gets to decide what sort of protection the US will offer them should their path to financial independence include a stop in the US.

As seen here on the home page of DSS website where a Senior Security Agent is keeping an eagle eye out for any threats to - wait for it - William and Kate as they descend the stairs of the plane at LAX. Presumably as working members of the British Royal Family.

So if the Uk says fuck off, they are not " working royals", the USA says too right and bog off ? I see this as how it goes, unless USA are super genorous

I only jusr saw his new appearance, Trappist Monk is how I see him now.

Fuck the 6th in line Hairy, get thee to a monastery and convert to Catholicism.

Har's hair is really great on a rainy day, what little there is all plastered down haha.

Do the odd bods that thought Harry was hot want to come forward and confess to brother baldy?

I'm the role as a Marvel superhero Meghan is trying to make her agent get her. I don't think they have spandex set aside for me.

I'm Archie. My parents keep leaving me with that Mulroney Barbie doll. I'm not sure they really know who I am.

I'm bringing Meghan as my "plus one" to the Met Gala!

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Presumably she will be reimbursing the government for the security costs associated with attending a costume ball.

She wants to "re-establish" herself in Hollywood, R449.

[quote] Meghan is keen to step out occasionally without Harry so that she can establish herself once more in Hollywood.'

'Just why, [R448]?

Those Markus connections continue to pay off for her.

Pushing Harry off the sled so soon? She is delusional.'

Classic Welp Troll post, complete with stupid made up saying.

The ugly Welp Troll is back. She actually thinks Archie could be a doll!

From BRF Part 75. Welp Troll wrote:

'They seem to purposely encourage conspiracy theories to keep people talking, first with the weirdness around the birth, then with him pressing on the arm of the unmoving baby, now the odd photo. Any PR is good PR in their books.'

Meghan actually thinks she can play a superhero.

May the farce be with her.

I'm the umbrella that gets held over Harry when it rains. Unfortunately, there is no longer a butler to hold me any longer.

I'm the creative team at Disney, waiting in terror for a memo asking them to attend a meeting being held to figure out a way to work Meghan Markle into a superhero film but without making the film into more of a comic book creation than intended.

I'm all you silly credulous Klan bitches, believing every article a rag like the Express prints UNLESS it's something negative about your sainted white queen, Catherine.

I'm the creative team at Disney breathing a collective sigh of relief when we heard that one of our bosses said that "Meghan Markle needs Disney more than Disney needs Meghan Markle." Bullet dodged.

I'm The Tig 2, just waiting in the wings for Meghan to revert to form.

She looks so homely in the pic R449 posted. She never had any memorable acting chops, never had the star charisma, never had the stunning or at least provocative looks.

She must have sussed out how the dumb Prince had serious mommy issues and fed him a lot of "woke" nonsense, that he's some kind of victim having to actually "work" for all the royal perks and privileges.

She will probably punish the hapless (and dumb) Harry for her failures for the rest of their marriage---however long that will be.

Their marriage will last until a new woman comes along to boss Harry around, and use his Mommy Issues to manipulate him.

He will never think for himself, or grow up, any more than Andrew ever did.

R461-reportedly Meghan researched what kind of perfume Diane favored and wore it on her first date with Harry. How insanely manipulative is that? I hope that's not true, but with her, I have a feeling it is.

I'm Edward Enninful, the first black editor of British VOGUE, joining the creative team at Disney in a huge sigh of relief as I release the information that Meghan will not be attending the Met Gala with me in May.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

R465 - I'm the two golden globes forming the clasp of that deluxe clutch. We weren't the original clasp - Meghan had the piece altered for us.

We are Harry's balls.

Meghan is looking very slim. So much for the ugly fraus here who said she'd be fat for life now because her 'skeleton had changed.'

Her weight (and shape) has changed. Her tactics and disregard for her relatives have not.

'Her tactics and disregard for her relatives have not.'

Yep, she still despises bad tempered William, Replikate and the spazzy queen.

I'm the ten pounds Meg has gained since having Archie, I'm resolutely sticking to her middle no matter how little she eats or how much she punishes herself with exercise.

I am the bane if her existence, the thing she believes is keeping the top designers from breaking down her door with offers to pay her for wearing their shit, the reason there will be no second child no matter how much Harry begs, and... the one thing in the universe she hates more than the Duchess of Cambridge.

I'm the ten pounds Meg has gained since having Archie, I'm resolutely sticking to her middle no matter how little she eats or how much she punishes herself with exercise.

I am the bane if her existence, the thing she believes is keeping the top designers from breaking down her door with offers to pay her for wearing their shit, the reason there will be no second child no matter how much Harry begs, and... the one thing in the universe she hates more than the Duchess of Cambridge.

Her ass is much better than it was before Archie, so I'm sure she is delighted. Kate has an ass as flat as a board. She has a really old fashioned skinny figure, like a 70s skinniness with no curves at all. Like a boy.

I'm the Disney production office, grinning as they watch Meghan "perform" with her new mouth, glam gowns wrinkling in the middle from the back giving an appalling view of her her butt pads and from the front her pooch, and three tonnes of makeup on her rapidly aging nearly 40-year old face.

I’m the work that Meghan had done while on “a break”. I look good.

Dream on, R474.

Oof, is that the second or third wall of veneers she's had? At least they match the clownery level of the makeup.

I'm Meghan's new glam eye makeup look. It takes two hours to complete me. I know you can see little whitish blobs of eyelash glue in closeups, but she's not worried because she knows no one will be doing closeups of her at Marvel Studios.

Oh no, the oof troll is back.

Harrymarkle wordpress has an interesting piece up about how inappropriate Meghan's and Harry's dress and behaviour were at the Mountbatten Music Festival. There are rules for the supporting spouse, who is supposed to stand back and where a colour that doesn't clash with the uniform, and PDAs and holding hands is strictly verboten. Meghan's red dress was, therefore, a major military faux pas, as it competed with the uniform, and she insisted on holding hands with Harry (man, she never let's go of that hand) even during the entrance and introduction. The Captain General of the Marines is representing the Queen, the Commander in Chief, and the applause is supposed to be for her, symbolically.

HarryMarkle claims to have heard from veterans that the men there were appalled by Harry's and Meghan's behaviour, and Harry's downcast head and sombre expression are evidence that he knows he's behaving wrongly but can't stop Meghan from yet again sticking two fingers up to protocol, to the Marines, to the Queen, and to the British nation.

HA HA HA HA HA HA

Muriel deleted your racist thread BRF Part 103.

She hates Klan Grannies.

A funny.

I liked the cartoon in the DM that showed Harry standing up in a sinking rowboat named Meghan.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Harry is a laughingstock now, the Greta prank call confirms it.

That's not something a public figure can come back from.

The Queen came back from her dreadful behaviour in 1997.

The Queen has certainly made some questionable decisions in her (long) day, but she has never been considered a complete dimwitted doofus like this one is. He's two days out into his new life and already the but of everyone's jokes.

but = butt ^^

Hopefully coronavirus will take out the queen and phillip. Maybe even Charles too.

That would leave King William in charge, R488. Be careful what you wish for.

Isn't that a nice thought r488? Warm and fuzzy aren't we.

But maybe the agenda is that the loss of TQ/Philip and Charles would allow the Sussexes to gain all the greedy demands they've made in recent months. Or perhaps enhance their 'woke' cred, since per Harry the 'young' are the only people who know anything and should rule the world. (Note: a middle-aged dimwit and his avaricious 40-year-old wife don't fit this demo).

Touche r489.

I'm 50 penguins sitting in a port in landlocked Belarus hoping Harry gets us to the North Pole where we belong.

HAHAHAHAHA

Greta is an autistic young teen girl, is he that lonely that he had to bang on at length to some stranger, no matter how inappropriate? Of course, it was not the stranger he expected, lol. Harry could be her father, why would he see her as a suitable confidant? It is not just dumb, it is bizarre.

I can't start a thread called "Let's Be Harry and Meghan Tonight" but I wish I could.

I wouldn't bother r494, this one has 100 posts left.

Exactly r493. Why the hell is a 35 year old man and new father sharing all his thoughts, opinions, and worries with someone that he knows is a teenage girl? It's alarming. He honestly believes that an impossibly busy climate activist half his age, whom he's never met, called him twice to interview him about plans for his future that he doesn't seem to have?

It's proof that both H&M, Harry in particular, have way too much free time on their hands. He mentioned taking 'a bit of time off'. A bit?? What have they been doing for past 6 months? Hilarious and typical of their hypocrisy.

I'm the list of rude, accusatory PR pieces Meghan and Sunshine Sachs are drafting so that even when the Harkles are ensconced in their new multimillion-dollar mansion in Malibu (the "MMM" for short), Meghan can keep playing the Victim of the Windsors as she luxuriates poolside and orders the nanny to get her some iced kombucha tea and put Archie on the pottie.

I'm the residents of Chunga-Changa, feverishly hoping Harry scuppers all those US mining interests that are ruining our beautiful environment.

I'm a penguin, fleeing to the ice caves after hearing that that moron, Prince Harry, is going to help relocate me to . . . the North Pole.

We're you'll be eaten, R498, by the Polar Bears.

The North Polar bears.

I'm Samantha Markle, Meghan's half-sister. Hi Meghan! Welcome to LA!

Call me. And if your don't, I'll call you.

I'm Sarah, Duchess of York. Meghan, we hardly knew ye. And no, you're not invited. Bea sends her wishes.

We're David Charvet and Brooke Burke. Our droplets are all over that house in Malibu.