Can someone please explain '' the Jonas Brothers '' to me ? I am old.

One or two of them are cute. What else? Their pop songs?

What is this, 2009?

Joe is very sexy, but they are all straight. Why do we care?

Funny I always thought the only attractive one was the awkward one (Nick). The two others are fug in my opinion. Anyway, they were marketed towards tweens about a decade ago, old news and has beens now. Why anyone would give a crap about them, who knows?

Kevin, ugly and gay

Joe, straight and hot

Nick, ape face and Mary Tyler Moore type diabetes

Which one is the pretty one?

My dick likes Kevin, the unpopular one, the most and I would pound the shit out of him. I went through a phase where I was obsessed with Nick, tho.

All 3 are gay and used to wear “purity” rings.

Ive detested them since they were all so holier-than-thou when they wore their chastity rings but took them off when the rings were no longer convenient for them personally

Joe is so hot as Valerie's son

The Jonas Brothers were a thing in 2006-2010. They came out of the Disney machine and their following was primarily tweens. The same machine that pumped out Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato during that time.

OP did you just woke up from coma after 20 years? All the pop music these days is complete garbage made by bunch of untalented people with good connections

How cum one of them looks Arab? Are they all from the same father? It’s like the opposite of the Kardashians where two look Arab and one looks completely white.

There's another one...

R14, why does this one look Asian?

[quote]It’s like the opposite of the Kardashians where two look Arab and one looks completely white.

Which one looks white? The giant one was allegedly fathered by OJ Simpson.

She was not. She’s a basic white girl.

thanks R11. Is there a way of destroying that machine ?

Would I be ridiculed if I were to say I have a Jonas Brothers poster? It’s not currently on my wall, of course.

I prefer their grandmother, Joan Jonas.

The baby Jonas grew into his weight. He used to be a pygmy hippo. It seems he hasn't gained a pound since he was seven.

Bonus Jonas - Frankie.

That "Sucker For You" song plays at my gym every single day and it's absolute shit. Just absolute shit. I don't know how or why they got to be so popular.

They also look like monkeys.

SAME AT MY GYM;Tis really bad. There is no excuse for it. And that fat old indian whore sashaying in the video...puh-lease

"Sucker For You" (or whatever the actual title is) is one of those songs that is SUCH a piece of shit you actually look it up on your phone to see who sings it because you're actually curious as to who could do a song that horrible.

That's how I discovered the Jonas Brothers did that song. I've never followed them and can't name any of their other songs, but I'm sure the other songs are just as putrid. How do such no-talents become so big?

Sucker reached #10 here, which is decent.

Young,dumb,short and full of cum.

I'll take the cum, they can keep the music and the ugly big wives

Christian boy band that got old, married and fug.

The older one gives me strong sex pig vibes

Kevin and Joe are both in their 30s now r27, they aren't that young anymore.

[quote] "Sucker For You" (or whatever the actual title is) is one of those songs that is SUCH a piece of shit you actually look it up on your phone to see who sings it because you're actually curious as to who could do a song that horrible.

Yep. That is exactly how I learned that song was by the Jonas Bros and it made me glad I managed to avoid all of their music a decade ago. Unfortunately, I hear Sucker and/or another piece-of-shit pop song—that High, High Hopes bullshit—every damned time I ride in an Uber or Lyft.

If you guys think Cockgobbler Joe is straight, then Jared Kushner has a bridge to sell you just inside Shawn Mendes’ sphinct curtains.

Is Joe the one who looks like Mr. Bean?

The Jonas brothers are basically the white-adjacent version of Hanson with less talent and more homosexuality.

Kevin is the fat ugly one, who is gay

Joe is the smoking hot one, who is married

Nick is the one on steroids with Mary Tyler Moore type diabetes.

The fat ugly one kind of tick my boxes. In a bath house, we'd occupy the cubicle until they RUN out of lube. Any details on his gayness ?

R3 has evidently never seen Kevin Jonas move, heard him speak or otherwise appraised him in any way.

If he’s straight then so are all of us.

Oh yay, another fucking thread about nothing.

Don't be rude, OP.

I’ve never in my life seen Kevin referred to as the attractive one. He’s always been the ugly one and he’s never had a solo. He’s the Michelle of the group. Nick(the awkward one) is the Beyonce of the group. He’s cute, the most talented, and has had the greatest success as a solo singer. He even had a short solo career before creating a band with his brothers. Joe is the most attractive member and the second best singer but unlike Nick and Kevin, he can’t play any instruments. He has had a bit of independent success outside of the group. He is the Kelly.

No way, Joe did it much better outside of their group. Cake by the ocean , i bought that one. Fuck nick jonas. He wrote a song a few years ago called black keys. It was because he'd never used them in a song. That means all his putrid shit was in the key of C.

They only came back because they had some major bills to pay. Theyre always available when they want peoples money. I was going to take a kid to their concert last year. They wanted $500 a seat on the floor, or $200 in the nosebleeds. Fuck that shit. Their fan base grew up, but theyre still only in college. Where the fuck they think the moneys coming from.

They also have some terrible song like Dancing in my Living Room or something they play at my gym.

Nick Jonas as Gavroche.

Oh yes, that Dancing In My Living Room song is also a piece of shit. My gym plays it too. Thank God for headphones.

ok. I still don't get which is which, but the one with diabetes has grown in me and I wish he literally was deeply inside me. also the one you call the ugly one I find sexy. I am a ten , obviously, but I am attracted to chubby. and I will check out the "cake by the ocean thing"

Are they Jewish or Arab?

That is not terrible. Not great but passable. And which one of you bitches is playing the chubs who cake fights the gurls ? You are ticking my boxes sir

Jonas is a Greek name but they are EYE-talians

Would they have been as successful if they were white?

Yes, OP let's ask the oldster of datalounge on what the kids like.

Geez he's a much better Gavroche than he was a Marius. I wonder if he had to suck off Cameron for both parts.

OP the best gateway for you is probably the sitcom they did on Disney Channel in the late ‘00s, the first season only. It has the feel of much older sitcoms with how hammy it is, and gives you an insight into how this group were packaged and sold to a million tweenage Christian girls as desirable.

The Jonai literally play caricatures on themselves in it, so you’ get to know them pretty quick after a couple episodes. Joe is the heartthrob main character, of course, but in following him around we also get to meet his hag/stylist/bestie Stella who brings a peppy brightness to proceedings with her twee emoting and stops it becoming The Joe Show. Kevin & Nick are actually the comedy hilight of the series, playing to the hilt in their madcap subplots as a kind of warped Ethel & Fred routine (their chemistry is...weird for brothers as you can see at the link, but just go with it at first and it soon becomes amusing). This was shot before Kevin was beard-married and iron-vault closeted so you get the extra treat of seeing him flounce and roll his eyes and cock his hip a lot, it’s very fun.

Remember, Season 1 only. Can’t emphasise that enough. S1 is a sweet silly screwball comedy about the Jonai trying and failing to be regular brothers and normal highschool kids (just don’t question why they’re all in the same school & same classes at the same time) while wacky hijinx abound. It’s offbeat and endearing in the dumb schlocky way only teencoms can be. S2 however is an awkward tedious dramedy about Joe’s struggle to become a serious thespian/model/LA whore and about wangsty boring Nick falling in love with their band’s fangirl stalker because he’s too reclusive to even encounter other girls. Frankie has a legit subplot while Kevin does nothing but make a few sassy quips in this series and that is sad. FWIW the brothers now all say they wish they’d never agreed to this season. I wish I had those few hours of my life back.

R54 thanks...that was very kind and generous of you. I watched the show...may I ask, who was their acting coach ?

Who thinks they can go from Disney to an actual career?

At least one of them isn't going to live to old age. Nick the diabetic is constantly photographed with a glass of hard liquor in his hand. Way to make that pancreas work harder.

When I was a kid I thought that every white american was blond, blue-eyed and pale. I was shocked when I heard about the Jonas Brothers. They didn't look american to me at all, at least not the image that I had of americans.

OT but do you think the family talk openly about the fact that Kevin is gay? Was it openly acknowledged as a concrete reality to conceal, or were there denials and attempts to change his sexuality?

Like did they summon a family meeting when the boys were in their teens/20s saying, “look, your big brother is a dyed-in-the-wool faygola and since you’re all big stars now it’s too late to send him to conversion camp or the Mission. But if we want to keep this money train rolling no-one else must know, so here’s the plan...”. Or was it more like one of those elephant-in-the-room things where they all knew but none of them ever breathed a word or acknowledged it again, in case Papa Jonas breaks down or puts a gun to his head?

Kevin’s daughters will figure it out by the time they get to highschool, anyway.

Okay, the 'explain' shit is twee as fuck and getting s old as the OP. Stop. It. What is there to understand? They're a pop group who got their following on the fucking Disney channel back in to naughts, now they are older and so are some of their fans. Really, you can fucking Google them, oldtimer, or even stream the fucking doc they have on Amazon if you know how that works. Do you need any other fucking thing explained to you? Jesus.

They had a New Years concert at the Fountainbleu in Miami on New Years and Ryan Seacrest's New Year's Rockin' Eve show showed them performing there on the show so they must be hot again.

Say what you want about “Sucker,” it’s still better than most of Drake’s shit and Post Malone.

R38 None of these guys ping. Just more fantasies from DL'ers.

R59 or maybe the fact that he is happily married and has several children might be an indication that he is not gay ? perhaps ?

Disney assembly-line talentless garbage. But that's what sells.

r59 thinks John Travolta is straight.

"He is married with kids, he must be straight, gay men never do that!"

r64* I meant to say

The brothers have names, OP, but ‘Sit Down’, ‘Shut Up’ & ‘Go Home’ will work just fine.

R65

"Disney assembly-line talentless garbage. But that's what sells."

That seems to be where we're getting a good 60-70% of our "actors" and "musicians" for the past decade or so.

When I happen to see one of those tween television shows and see some 13 year old "actress" delivering cringeworthy-but-wholesome "comedy", I literally think to myself, in a few years, I'm going to see that untalented little girl gyrating around in a thong on a stage singing shitty pop music. They have a predictable arc.

It is sad, r69. So much entertainment comes from people like this. There's a dearth of real, organic talent these days.

At the Kennedy Center with a bunch of better singers.

[quote] When I happen to see one of those tween television shows and see some 13 year old "actress" delivering cringeworthy-but-wholesome "comedy"

Hi, Woody, still watching ' hannah Montana"?

R72

Who is Woody? This one's flying over my head.

But yeah, Miley was one example. TeenNick & Disney have been producing that type consistently though for a while now.

I listened to popular music around 2008 and can tell you that their music wasn't mainstream even back then. Miley Cyrus didn't really become big either until she went through her slut phase. I'd argue that they are more successful today, while Miley's has completely stalled. Selena Gomez didn't achieve mainstream success until years later. Their tween audience was limiting to their appeal, which is probably why all of them went through image makeovers. It worked out well for them.

I do like Jealous and Cake by the Ocean, but I'm generally indifferent to their music and haven't listened to most of it. I'm obsessed with Nick because he smolders on screen and is exactly my type.

Joe is attractive as well but has more delicate features. Nick is more masculine and has a better body.

I guess people just assumed Joe was the heartthrob at first but all that changed when Nick grew up.

How tall is Nick?

I thought they were all below 6ft. and usually wear lifts in their shoes. Maybe now they’ve all found towering beard-wives they don’t bother anymore.

I remember back in their days on the circuit for the Mouse they would often don low-heeled shoes or boots (especially Kevin), despite Chucks & sneaks being the height of manboy fashion at the time. They tried to spin this conspicuous choice as hipster swag but it was obvious they just wanted to look taller than their teen girl fans.

JB just recreated their CAMP ROCK opening scene on TikTok, complete with wigs.

Honestly their acting hasn’t worsened or improved at all since the film came out. They don’t look much different either.

I forgot how gay Kevin’s character was, but thankfully this reminded me and the rest of the world. Look at that draped scarf!

they were raised in evangelical CHURCH OF GOD ministry = the come from 90s televangelism. their dad was the church music conductor. they JoBros are TRAINED to entertain. the documentary about them that came out last year is VERY GOOD. this latest album aimed for superstar pop hits. and they hit their target. their music and tours are recession proof. Nick, the youngest, is the leader. Do not underestimate his ability to remain a star for a long time. He's been trained the most. He knows what he's doing.

Their music is horrible.

Nick and Joe flopped when they tried to go solo a few years ago. The other one was stuck doing Celebrity Apprentice to pay his bills.

Their reunion has been successful due to nostalgia and tons of press coverage of their marriages to famous women, but I don't see it lasting beyond the current album/tour.

The oldest one is Oaf, the fuggest one. He's the straightest one. The second brother Joe is bi and used to be the handsome one. The youngest and gayest is Nick, he's now the cutest in a PR relationship.

They look like cavemen. Amazing how any fuggo can be marketed as "hot" and people will believe it.

Joe Jonas IS Kim K.!