Jackie On Assistance: The Next Generation

wha?

Little known fact: Jackie took in foster children for the Welfare money. She had rows of bunk beds in a converted maid's quarters two floors down from her apartment. Had space for about 32 orphans in total. While she did keep the kids fed (thank goodness for bulk-buy oatmeal and spam), she used the profits from the monthly payments to install gold plated fixtures in the master bathroom and guest bath of her apartment.

That book Carly Simon just wrote, what she neglected to say was that Jackie was actually her maid! She put an ad in the Martha's Vineyard Times looking for a housekeeper, and who turned up in headscarf and sunglasses? Jackie On Assistance! Carly being the cray cray hippie artist nut she is subsequently lives in a filthy house. When Jackie complained that her fingernails were chipped and raw and asked for rubber gloves, Carly's reply was to sing 'You're So Vain' to her while she scrubbed the shit stains from Carly's toilet.

She was a single woman on her own with two children to bring up with very little money and no prospects, what was she suppose to do?

Jackie On Assistance used to present herself in the lobby of the River House, claiming she was there for a very discreet meeting with Kissinger. The staff would of course let her up. These clandestine meetings with Kissinger continued until the building staff was alerted that Jackie was merely gaining entrance so she could solicit herself door to door in a proper setting.

My first attempt at Jackie On Assistance killed this thread.

r5

I knew Jacqueline closely, not as closely as the prostitute colony that gathered behind the Denny’s parking lot behind 4th and Davis, but close. I can vividly recall how proud she was when little John John stared blooming into a muscled, hairy hunk of man. She would walk behind him down 5th Avenue, admiring his body and smooth confidence. While doing so, she would discretely flash signals to the closet gays that walked by that John’s hole was open for business and that for the right price, they too could shoot and land a hot load at a Kennedy male’s head or in his ass for the right price. Bitch paid for many knock off Valentino dresses selling his Cum-a-lot mussy in the 70s.

Jackie and Lee on Assistance were the true inhabitants of Grey Gardens, Little and Big Eadie were their landlords. It was Jackie and Lee who ate the cat food and discarded the tins all over the house amongst the cat shit. The cats had to fend for themselves.

Here are some pictures of an emaciated Jackie, who at one point had to sell all of her clothes to pay her monthly anal bleaching bill. She even had to wear a small beaver as panties to keep her warm. Tragically, the beaver bit one of her breast trying to escape, which resulted in elephantiasis of her right hooter.

That's her left breast. Most of us learn left from right before we go to kindergarten

Her breasts were like that because she became a wet nurse for orphaned children. She could be seen in Central Park whipping out a teat to suckle anyone who wanted a drink. Amongst the homeless of New York she was known as The Million Dollar Milkshake and The First Lady Latte. Her makeshift milk bar in 1040's basement was called Newport Knocker's Debutante Dairy.

Most people aren’t aware because the press covered it up expect for this photo. Jackie was actually the first to kidnap Patty Hearst. Patty was a young child, but Jackie saw her chance to get some quick cash to pay for her anti-fungal cream, scratch-offs, and maybe a few cans of Spam for John and Caroline when she spotted Patty skiing alone. Before she could get Patty into the white van, a crowd of reporters gathered. Jackie put her arm around Patty and told her a joke that only Jackie found funny. The reporters laughed on the outside, but cried for Jackie on the inside.

Bump

A little-known fact: Uncanny Alliance's "I Got My Education" was about JOA.