Let's be a Mall Food Court

I’m the sour cream Auntie Annie’s pretzel.

I'm the faux-healthy salad section!

I'm the noise, the fucking NOISE.

I'm the sullen 17-year-olds working at Sbarro.

I'm a teenager in high school and this is the peak of my social dining experiences.

I'm acoustics. I won't let you hear a thing your dining mates are saying.

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I honestly hope you all don't spend time at malls or their food courts - that's just sad.

I'm the Starbucks meth twink.

I'm the fetid bathroom in the middle of the Food Court, reminding you what's in store later in the afternoon.

I'm the self-service Frozen Yogurt concession. My prices are barely visible, so you freak out when a small yogurt with 2 tablespoons of fruit ends up being $11

^ I'm the cheap person who eats at a mall food court and drops his jaw at the prices.

[quote]I honestly hope you all don't spend time at malls or their food courts - that's just sad.

I think past a certain age it's gotta get depressing going to malls, right? It started feeling sad when I was in college. Suddenly it just seemed like this wild west of consumerism... there was something banal about it all... and kind of sad. Malls were essential in middle and high school though. It was a familiar place that parents felt comfortable leaving their kids. Plenty of time for food courts to imprint on our minds.

I’m the frozen yogurt machine that is always broken down.

I'm grease, I'm everywhere.

I’m the zits of all the greasy food court workers. As I bend down, my zit juice accidentally squirts on your food. I dare not tell.

I'm all the heavily used tables and chairs that never get thoroughly cleaned, least of all never disinfected.

I’m the fight that erupts when you tell the frau you have no more pepperoni pizza.

I'm the food court at the Voorhees Town Center, nee Echelon Mall in Voorhees, NJ. I used to a gathering place for hundreds and hundreds of people, especially at lunch time, 7 days/week.

Today, its 12:30pm and there are about 6 people in the food court. There would be more except that 11 of the 14 stalls/storefronts are vacant, which pretty much sums up the condition of the entire mall.

I'm the Mall Bangs.

I'm the exciting "ethnic" food that isn't really very exciting nor ethnic.

I’m the gaudy Hot Dog on a Stick uniforms.

I'm the Food Courst at the Westside Pavillon in West Los Angeles. I'm a shadow of my former self.

I’m the three Asian eateries in the food court. One is supposed to be Chinese, one Thai, and one Japanese but the food is exactly the same at each one.

I’m the security guard that is only working for the food court samples. Screw the fights, I’m here for the food.

I am the ‘they’ customer service food court rep, I have a beard, but also have double D breasts, I spit in your food if you specify gender.

I'm the trash bins whose recycling labels everyone ignores.

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R28, are you also R7?

I'm also the 3rd Australian on this thread who in the suburban Food court who doesn't like the fact that an avalanche of Multiculturalism was foisted upon his suburb without discussion or warning.

I'm the generic '90s rock pumped into the air at a volume too soft to be listened to, but too loud to be ignored.

Right now I'm Smash Mouth.

I’m the church youth group leader, just hanging around the the Orange Julius, after being thrown out of the Dayton-Hudson’s for taking pics of girls under dressing room stall doors.

I'm the Swatch stall just outside the eating area.

OP, what the fuck is bourbon chicken. It sounds like poor people food.

R32 hi Youth leader, I’m one of your youth Boys! Please stay out of the food court bathroom, because Jose and I are getting it on - of course, we are doing it for Jesus.

I haven't been to a mall in 10 years so I have no idea what food courts are like anymore. I thought they were mostly closed down.

I'm the cute paper hats the servers behind the counters wear.

I'm FUDDRUCKERS, and my name makes Midwestern Christians giggle a little.

I’m the infant that was brought to the food court despite having a raging fever. I projectile vomit all over the TGI Friday’s section. Then the manager offers to give us our stuffed potato wings for free!

FF r38. Fuddruckers are NOT located in mall food courts. Thanks for ruining the thread!

I’m Dodi & I was thrown out of JC Penney’s. Where’s Panda Express? I need an eggroll to stick up my butt.

I’m the men’s room troll making my rounds. If you sit in the food court long enough, you’ll see me more than once.

I'm the kid who stopped to get her nose pierced at one of those stalls in the center of the mall, now bleeding profusely. I have two hysterical friends with me who have, respectively, spiked pink and turquoise hair, and they are trying to stop the bleeding with napkins wrapped around ice from the large sodas they've bought, and one of them is screaming over and over, "Ya mother's gonna kill you! Ya mother's gonna kill you!" We eventually exit, my friends supporting my nearly limp body, leaving the napkins stained with Coke and blood behind on the table. Fortunately, the janitorial staff wear rubber gloves.

This represents an actual witnessed scene in White Plains, NY, several years ago, not a flight of imagination.

[quote]OP, what the fuck is bourbon chicken. It sounds like poor people food.

Not the OP, but Bourbon Chicken is a supposedly New Orleans inspired concoction of chicken chunks in a gingery whiskey/brown sugar sauce served with rice. Although it's named after Bourbon street, it has somehow become a staple at food court and storefront takeout Chinese restaurants. It is neither Chinese nor Creole/Cajun so both its name and how it ended up becoming "Chinese" food are both quite baffling.

R43, did ya mother kill ya?

I'm the Down's syndrome girl clearing tables, I wipe my nose with my hand and smear it on tables after I wipe them with my filthy cloth.

I am the singing sensation singing on a stage. Trying to get my 15 minutes of fame. Shit, Tiffany got famous performing at the mall. We could even film my upcoming video at the mall.

We're the ghetto hood rats who will soon turn this mall into "the mall that white people USED to go to."

I'm the person who wanders around figuring out what to eat...and ends up in line at....yawn...Subway

[quote]I’m the church youth group leader, just hanging around the the Orange Julius, after being thrown out of the Dayton-Hudson’s for taking pics of girls under dressing room stall doors.

Are you posting from 1990?

When was the last time you saw a Dayton-Hudson's?

R45 - Alas, the scene ended with the three girls' exit from the mall. I have no information on what happened when the bleeder got home.

I'm the eventual gun fire between rival gangs.

R34 and R44 Regardless of it's origin or nationality Bourbon Chicken is fucking delicious.

I'm your just washed still wet tray that makes you queasy from the smell of dishwasher perma-stink of broken down food particles that you notice smells similar to spat up baby cereal. The ugly paper placemat pisses you off because it's so ugly and stupid.

I am the Mrs. Fields Cookies kiosk......my cookies are awful and overpriced

We are the the scheffleras and we are living plants. We will survive 1 year in this mall after it's abandoned.

I’m the crusty food left on the tray. I have been there for five days. The workers do not like cleaning.

I'm the Army recruiting office next to the multiplex and visible from the Food Court.

I’m the explosive diarrhea that happens after I eat at the Mall Court.

I'm the tile floor. What colors am I? Soul-killing Tourquoise and Squashed Vermin Puce.

I am the memory of the Magic Pan, the last time I ate at a mall food court.

I'm "adioS". I perplex the teens, shoving crap into their pieholes, when they very occasionally look up from their phones, as I have been closed forever and was not completely emptied, let alone re-leased. My sign remains lit because I was a money laundering operation and nobody wants to deal with the mobbed-up ex lease holder.

I'm the abandoned Woolworth's

R63 I am the one Woolworth’s worker that cannot believe her restaurant has been abandoned. I still show up to work sand weep loudly for four hours.

R61, I also happily ate at The Magic Pan at Orange County food courts, miss their honey-mustard sauce.

I'm the parents of teens lamenting how there used to be so many 1st jobs for 16-year-old college-bound kids at the mall. There isn't a nearby amusement park and machines are taking over fast-food places.

I'm the sad SBarro that nobody eats at. Sad dried up pizza and pasta that nobody wants.

I'm the Chick-Fil-A still turning a healthy profit with a steady stream of deplorables every day, despite the fact that half the storefronts in the mall are empty. The Panda Express and Sarku are just too "ethnic" for local tastes.

I'm Fashion Show Mall in Vegas. Located across from the Wynn means I'm still very popular as plenty get sticker shock from the casino's restaurant prices even for their casual restaurants. With 14 food court offerings and a beautiful 3rd floor view of the strip from floor to ceiling clear glass windows I'm still a good deal. Many try Indian dishes for their very 1st time. I even do delivery for those who don't want to eat around "the poors" or "the ethnics."

The Magic Pan was a sit-down restaurant. They were never in food courts.

I’m Patty from the made for TV movie and after school special, “Have You Tried Talking to Patty?” She’s still waiting for someone to talk to her.

I'm the Proactive vending machine located front and center of the dying food court, next to the photo booth.

I'm the hurricane simulator machine that people go into for attention.

Dear OP, no joke, I almost considered taking a part time job in the evenings at Asian Chao for a few days, just to learn how they made their bourbon chicken. That shit is addictive.

I'm the mall food court located in the middle of suburbia that's still making bank because I'm the most interesting thing there is within a 50 mile radius.

I’m the lady from the government office that is now located in the mall next to the army recruiting center. I’m taking a break from processing paperwork to enjoy some fried items.

I’m La’qwon, waiting for my girlfriend who is stealing some earrings from Macy’s. The earrings are for me.

R68 I wish I wrote like you. 🤗

R73 yes, do it, then share the secret!

R73, R78, Bourbon Chicken recipe is linked. It's one of the few quasi American-Asian recipes that taste good despite sitting in the sauce for hours.. So it's cooked, the sauce caramelizes due to the sugar and the slow cooking process, and then it's marinated afterwards.

R77, Thank you. I spent years not writing anything, ever, nor even a letter. DL has forced me to be more creative in order to communicate.

I’m the body of the dead girl that laid for two weeks in an abandoned Subway in the food court at suburban Atlanta’s once popular Gwinnett Place Mall (later used to recreate the 80s for Stranger Things). The food court was so sparsely patronized that no one even smelled me.

"We're the ghetto hood rats who will soon turn this mall into "the mall that white people USED to go to."

And we're the security guards tasked to make sure that never, ever happens.

^Culver City, formerly known as Fox Hills, MF.

The food court were the body was found. (And Stranger Things setting). I am the banner: FUN

I'm the wetzel's pretzels pretzel dog.

I'm shriveled up and old but before the store closes the manager will offer me as a two-for-one deal.

Asian Chao's Bourbon Chicken is amazing, and it holds up well being under a heat lamp. Super juicy and tender. I skip the rice, and order double of the sauteed cabbage/vegetable mix. My only gripe is that the last time I visited our local one, they started adding broccoli to the vegetable mix, which doesn't hold up as well as stuff like cabbage and carrots. It just gets all grey-ish and mushy.

I also miss Mr. Hero. Their Roman Burgers with salami were freaking awesome, as were their waffle fries. Their Chicken Philly was also really good, with grilled chicken, green peppers, and a Swiss/American blend cheese.

I'm Jackie Brown enjoying my cigarette at the Del Amo Mall food court.

I'm the "Mediterranean" restaurant that is too ashamed to just call itself "Turk-a-lurks Shawarma Hut And Pretend Greek Food". /Everyone/ who works here has the last name Patel for some reason.

I am the three-year old at the next table scraping the broccoli off his "veggie" pizza slice to get at the cheese, and throwing it on the floor whilst his Mum ignores him as she scrolls through her phone.

This is me on my way to the food court. I will eventually sue the mall.

I am The shame eating gay standing in front of Chic-Fil-A. It’s Sunday and they are closed. I’m both relieved and disappointed at the same time. Their diet lemonade is to die for.

This thread brought back memories of Fast Times at Ridgemont High! I loved all the scenes in the mall food court and mall movie theater. Do they even have theaters in malls anymore?

Im the old fat ugly white gay who wears flashy fag clothes hopeful to get some young teenage boys attention

I'm the salad maker flicking boogers into the greens.....

I am the food court at a new mall in CT. Actually I should not say food court, but a floor of high priced cuisine. We cater to people with money and class, so the usual people one might find in a typical mall food court are not welcome here.

I'm the douchey friend who makes the group circle the food court twice, trying to decide what to eat.

And I always end up getting the bourbon chicken.

R91 - So far as I can tell, except for large urban centres like London, New York, etc., the majority of the theatres in the outlying areas rem ain in malls or shopping areas with malls in them. The lobby candy stand has now turned into full-service bar food that can be eaten inside the screening rooms in those reserved seats with pull out trays.

Those reserved seating theatres with the bar food available deserve a thread all their own.

I'm Sue Heck, working at Spudsy's.

Retail malls were destroyed by two things. The first is of course Walmart/Target, the second Amazon.