Let's be DataLounge crayons

I'm "Golden GirlsⒸ" gold

I’m the sad eight retired crayons. We miss you Maize, the Pilgrims called you Corn!

I’m the box of 16 crayons that my cheapo family always buy me. I want the 64 crayon box, damnit!

I'm the "Anal Bleach 1" crayon. There are 5 shades, graduating from light to dark.

I’m the weird multicolored rainbow gay crayon stick.

I’m the Razzamatazz color, often known as the cray-cray-on.

I am the crafts made from melted crayons by fraus. I tell "my gays" how to make me in excruciating detail and post a tutorial on YouTube.

OMG, flashback!

I’m the old fashioned household steam radiators. The kids put crayons on me so that they melt and create “art”. There is no way to stop the kids from doing this, so the parents just give up.

The kids use the left over crayons to fill in parts of the artwork in the living room and master bedroom. They look much better with some highlights. It’s 50 years later and my eldest sister is still talking about this one. I just heard about it, again, just three weeks ago..

I’m the Mahogany crayon, baby! The men love me, the women love me, the children love me.

I'm Dandelion, a sunny, fresh faced new color given the big push in 1990 along with Vivid Tangerine, Jungle Green, Cerulean, Fuschia, Teal Blue, Royal Purple and Wild Strawberry.

But the public never embraced me, and I was fired before I was even 30. They groomed some bitch called Bluetiful to take my place.

I’m the white adjacent crayon. No one publicly wants to acknowledge me or desire me, but in secret they use me to make their pale blank pages more vibrant and interesting. I’m secretly loved and admired.

Hung honey color

I'm the tacky nailpolish for mini whores in training.

Creamy Cum Color

I’m the coloring book with page after page of caftans ready to be blushed.

R13 = Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO

I'm Jungle Red!

I'm Burnt Sienna. I'm protesting the inclusion of "Flesh" in the 64-Pack. Flesh must resign and a crayon of color must take its place.

I’m penis pink

I'm the melted crayons that your mom covered in wine bottles while pretending to be crafty but was really just hiding the evidence of her addiction in colorful wax.

Now that we have Truvada, can we go back to Raw Umber?

We're Black, Brown and Tan. We're tired of sitting in the back of the box while all the fruity tutti colors get seated front and center.

Dark Crayons Matter!

I'm the Scarlet crayon a child has left in the pocket of his tan shorts. I'm about to go into the washing machine with a bunch of white sheets and towels. My owner will be in big trouble.

I'm the Scarlet crayon a child has left in the pocket of his tan shorts. I'm about to go into the washing machine with a bunch of white sheets and towels. My owner will be in big trouble.

Mmmffl. Mmffll. Mmmffl

[barely discernible cries of crayons stuck up the ass of adventurous bottom]

We're the filthy old nubs of family-restaurant fame. We harbor a variety of childhood illnesses from the dirty brats who chew and slobber all over us before we're delivered to the next table. Round and round we go, whispering in Jax'xynne's ear that Mahogany (deadname: E. coligany) tastes just like chocolate.

Our Datalounge Crayon cousins, stuck-up cunts one and all, avert their eyes and say, "we don't know her." The truth will come out one day, don't you worry.

I’m cornflower blue.

I’m the exceptional blue green. If you’re even thinking of confusing me with the vastly inferior (and obviously retired GREEN BLUE), you can just die in a grease fire.

I am Crayola Silly Scents! Sketch and sniff with:

•Cheryl's Pussy

•Musky Taint

•Feets

•Rinsed Pasta

I'm red violet. I miss blue violet.

I'm the smell that emerges every time the station wagon is in the sun too long and the usually-hardened crayon residue from YOUR crayons that YOUR SISTER left in side pockets in the back seat two years ago in July liquify once again.

I’m the multicolored poop my dad had to scoop up in the backyard after my dog binged on our crayons.

I’m blue.

I like blue.

I’m blue.

I like blue.

I’m the built-in sharpener.

I’m the foyer wall. I used to be white. Used to be.

I'm Magenta or, as my mild dyslexis ass read it, MAGNETA. I was always trying to pick up metal tacks with it. Yes, I'm stupid.

R37, do you know the Wolferine?

I'm the Crayola string of Christmas lights. Ten colors! Magenta! Dark purple! Chartreuse!

Half of me stopped working 5 years ago. My owner haunts the internet searching for me.

I'm nacreous pearl. I covered an entire floor back in the good ol' days.

I am the metallic colors that seem so full of shiny potential: Gold! Silver! Bronze!

When you color with me, you just end up suffused with disappointment because I just look brownish, grayish and another shade of brownish.

What’s a crayon? Can you eat it?

R41, are you the Christmas Moose?

I'm the soap crayon my best friend's sister shoved up her twat when she was 5. It had to be removed at the hospital.

I am a shudder - -

OMG, Gays!! I just figured out that I can make amaaaze crayon wallpaper with your AWG crayon! This is the game changer I’ve needed to disrupt the stay-at-home moms’ wallcraft space!! I’ve been dosing Dakoduh with Sominex since Sunday morning and I’ve only got two rooms to go — well, if you consider the garage and attic “rooms,” LOLOLOL!

I’m going to be on Pinterest, Gays!!! Yay me! Yay Ritalin! Yay crayons!

That actually looks really pretty - very Colefax & Fowler / Cowtan & Tout

I’m the trendy restaurants in the 1990s, I think it was, who would cover their dining tables with crepe paper and leave crayons on them for adults to scribble with while waiting for the waiter. I was very popular for a few years.

R43, I can assure you that R41 is not the Christmas Moose, because he and I were at Panera at the time of that post. I did buy him a box of crayons after lunch, though. I’m pretty sure he’s just going to eat them all before the end of the day. Oh well.

I’m Hallmark and I’ve owned Crayola since 1984. So why are there no crayon shows on the a Hallmark Channel?

I'm Blue No. 655, Gap's copyrighted color!

You can’t copyright a color.

Sorry, Gap's trademarked color, which it definitely is.

If Gap has trademarked its blue, the protection would be limited to advertising clothing stores. We could still have a crayon.

I'm new Datalounge crayon Grease Fire Orange.

I'm poor kid crayons

Darfur Orphan at R42, of course you can eat crayons!

I’m the new crayon smell you get when you open a new box.

R54 Don’t give them any ideas, a sponsored box of crayon colors.

R56, even the box is sad. More proof that it sucks to be poor.