Why are people in gyms so unfriendly?

What’s a gym? x

It's the deep-seated fear that someone is looking at your ass or that you will be accused of looking at someone's ass. It puts everyone on edge.

Because people just go there to work out and not to make friends.

I stopped going to gyms because Eric wouldn't talk to me at the Dupont Athletic Club, many years ago. I hated being there, and he was always there when I was. It was more than I could bear.

Average gym person in the Midwest. I go to the gym, put on my headphones to listen to music or a podcast and relax. I do weights and cardio. There's no drama. I have no interest in talking to anyone. I am there to decompress and exercise.

Why are you so ugly?

Excessive focus on the 'self' particulary the body is a symptom of (ironically) a scarcity culture, filled with anxiety and fear. No one feels buff or fit enough in those gyms,especially with all the competition. Maybe they're nicer in the he general public.

It's different if you're doing it because you're an athlete, and no, bodybuilding is not a sport. Otherwise it's just a place to get drunk on vanity.

Still, it is useful for stress release and whatnot. Also, for when one gets older, the flexibility, strength and fitness will help you live a longer and healthier life.

Same scene at Equinox West Hollywood. The absolute worst.

Da fuck OP?

I have not been to a globo gym in a few years, but when I'd go (Reebok, Equinox) people were not socializing--they might greet a friend they knew from outside the gym but it was considered bad form to stand around talking or to strike up a conversation with someone about something other than the particular piece of equipment they were using (e.g.,. "do you mind if I work in, or are you almost done?"). Sometimes you'd see two friends working out together or (more often) a trainer and their client, and they would converse, but that was about it.

What sorts of interactions are you having with people?

We are only mean to the ones who come to the gym infrequently. We all love to workout. We just wish you were as serious about working out as us.

I go to the gym to work out. In peace. Focused. It's work — not really a social activity for me. I've always worked out alone. I go there to listen while working out — to music, interviews and audiobooks. I'm in my own world. ME TIME

[quote]I go there to listen while working out — to music, interviews and audiobooks. I'm in my own world.

Don't you find the extremely loud music played in most gyms to be distracting while listening to interviews or audiobooks?

Aw hon, is that any different than how they are everywhere? Be honest. 💜

I miss my 24-hour fitness membership for this reason -- I would visit in the late night, off-hours and it felt like having the entire facility mostly to yourself.

OP, hon, it's you. They don't like your vibe. You have it or you don't, m'kay?

I tend to be unfriendly by default because I don't really want to be there, I'm focused on what I'm doing, and I don't want to be messed with. That said, I'm as considerate as a can be (I put my equipment away, wipe things down, and try to stay out of other people's way). I'm also friendly to people if they ask me a question or say something relevant/non-insulting/non-patronizing.

OP, have you ever been diagnosed as having Paranoid Schizophrenic?

Don't worry about them. Focus on yourself and your fitness goals.

What the "m'kay" Einstein should really be saying is that the "vibe" they "don't like" is the "GAY" vibe. I know many of the gays, especially under 30, who think they're the new frat boys, gang leaders, and social movers and shakers. But they fail to see the prejudice, derision, and animosity that isn't as vocalized as it used to be, but still there. And this is coming from the straight bros you think are your friends. The "vibe" they hate is that you're comfortable in your own skin and you're holding a mirror up to their lack of balls in being who they really are.

You're not as loved as you think, gay bros, and that can never be more apparent than in a den of sexual frustration, identity crisis, and masculinity doubts such as a gym. Paranoid schizophrenic, R 17? Douche your asshole, wake up, and smell the coffee. And have a good workout.

[quote]I know many of the gays, especially under 30, who think they're the new frat boys, gang leaders, and social movers and shakers. But they fail to see the prejudice, derision, and animosity that isn't as vocalized as it used to be, but still there.

This is true. Some gay guys at my gym march around so sanctimoniously it's cringeworthy. And yes, everyone is laughing on the inside at them.

I’ve never experienced this at all! Everyone is so happy to give me the opportunity to be grateful to them for their worshipful attention.

Now stop blocking my view of the mirror, you fat pig.

Nothing gets the tutus in a twist more than a truthful analysis of the Instaho gym clowns.

Don't forget about the person (usually a dyke) who thinks they're responsible for walking around and giving everyone else advice.

Just quit the gym memberships and exercise at home. How do you think guys in prison keep in shape? There are videos on YouTube for prison or jail exercises (no equipment).

^^^ doing pushups on yo bitches azzz!

I go to a great gym facility which works against all of this bullshit, Mark Fisher Fitness in NYC.

It certainly isn't for everyone, but I love it.

I don't go to the gym to make friends. I don't notice people, I am there to workout only. Anyone going there to be "friendly" needs to join another club.

Ive been working out for about 25 years and no one's ever come up to me to talk socially. I like it that way, OP is delusional.

Do you mean gays Op? If so it isn't just the gym gays are unfriendly everywhere unless you're hot or have money and/or drugs.

[quote]Again, it's New York.

Stop assuming that behavior in New York is the same as behavior in the country at large. Your choice to live there, you deal with it.

R29 Point well taken.

[quote]How do you think guys in prison keep in shape?

Wow, that sounds like an appealing option! Why didn't I think of it?

"These are just some of the words to describe your typical gym clients, and I'm not talking just the roided out bodybuilders. The average dudes are included, too. Fatties, too. It's the general vibe. And the women aren't much better. "

You're the only common factor, OP. Let people focus on their exercise and stop acting like you're entitled their attention and friendship.

What is R19 on about?

Can one of you DLEGs translate from parseltongue?

Just listen to a fun podcast and avoid eye contact. Sometimes there are nice people, but it's not typical.

I go to the gym to see cute guys. Sadly, most don't take showers so it defeats the purpose. Although, whenever a hot guy goes into the locker room, I go check to see if he is going to take a shower, if so I pretend I'm going to take one too.

Depending upon the gym, a lot of guys go in cliques. For some, it's their after work social life. Some are reveling in homoeroticism before going home to the fraus. Some can be friendly when they want to be. They'll say hi one day and walk right past you the next. In general, a strange breed. A lot of paradoxes. Narcissistic, yet insecure. Health seeking, yet grappling with addictions. Focused and yet managing psychological and behavioral issues.

Some gyms can be cruisy depending on where you live. You'll see more of that in NYC or WeHO than you will in a suburban location. There was certainly a lot more action in previous decades before cameras and cellphones became commonplace. Depending upon the location, it can be a drug dealer's paradise. In general, not the best place to make friends or even get attention. Most are too self-consumed to really notice any other image than the one they see in the mirror.

They'll say hi one day and walk right past you the next.

That is my experience too. It seems odd to me to be at the gym at the same time with the same people regularly and still some people ignore you.

probably because you're a cunt, OP

My gym closed for 3 months and then had restricted hours with staff marshalls to clean for another 3 months. Now it is back to 24/7 access. I asked 4 people how they coped with the changes and only 2 of them would answer me. They others just walked away.

Simple. If you are not pretty, you don't exist. Stop defining yourself through the eyes of other men.

OP it's New York the streets (were) filled with Zone-out Adderall zombies never looking at any but their phones.

OP The reason why I go to my gym is that there is none of that bullshit. There is one dick head who everybody is aware of (strutting, mirror obsessed, commandeering of multiple apparatus) but he’s good for a laugh which we all do. He takes Very Important work conference calls on his ear buds while reclined on the leg press - that kind of thing.

Otherwise the rest of us is a cross section of the neighbourhood - younger, older, ripped, not ripped, men, women, gay, straight, ultra Lycra gym gear, boardies and singlets - the common denominator is that people are respectful, they smile and they use a fucking towel. And all for $16AUD per fortnight. Love it.

OP...Most people who go to the gym are somewhat self-conscious about their bodies. Fear of fat-shaming or not wearing the right workout togs. The environment is intimidating. Folks stay to themselves because it feels safer.

R11 has boundries.

I go to the gym to workout alone. I’m in a zone, with headphones on. It’s not a bar or social club.

R40 are you desperate for attention? Why on earth would you ask 4 different people that? How odd. Go work out and mind your business. It’s so weird that people think of socializing at their gym.

OP is a delicate snowflake with inappropriate expectations from the gym.

That said, he’d probably be happy at Planet Fitness. It’s the gym for pussies where they hand out free pizza..

The gym I go to is friendly and has all the types mentioned and I go at off peak hours to avoid the crowd and to have better access to the equipment. That said, I am bothered by people blabbing on their phones while working out or 2 particular women having a continuous, vacuous conversation while on the treadmill and they both have annoying, screwdriver in the ear voices. I just move away.

some cogent points have been made but the phone effect has been the biggest change everywhere including gyms. Gyms 20 yrs ago were quite friendly and open. People are crap, now, in public. It's what it must have been like living "behind the Iron Curtain" back in the 60s and 70s'. One poster mentioned the more hidden and subversive homophobia. I think that is true. I'm old now so am very aware of not making any contact with anyone at gym although two days ago i met a student who is in the US from Kuwait. He showed all sorts of abundant friendliness and eye contact, but then today hardly said a word, so i see another poster mentioned that gig, as well. Even the World Gym in Palm Springs , crawling with gays, is unfriendly and surprisingly not cruisy I feel your pain , OP.

What is this 'gym' of which you ask?

Most have to go to the gym to get a body high. Sex and manual labor help, but you need dependably consistent resistance and cardio training to get that valium buzz going. The more you go the more time it takes to get the high.

Stop fucking with junkies during worship service while they’re trying to get high. It’s not all about you.

There is a bodybuilder at my gym who has come to my house a few times now to get rimmed and to suck me. He always wears a mask when he visits so I don't think he knows what I look like. But at the gym he ignores me. I don't know if he knows I am the same person.

R53 Why wouldn't he recognize you? Does the mask cover his eyes?

^^ this

I go (went) to Equinox and it’s 100% better than a regular gym. Any location at Lifetime, for example, was filled with the most disrespectful, homophobic, obnoxious groups and teens. They were Arab (Chaldeans, Muslims—Chaldeans were the worst), black, and white trash - and it was horrible. Those were the perps most of the time. The locker rooms were trashed, poop on the floor, towels everywhere. It stunk. Theft. Fights...it was horrible. I pay extra to avoid those groups.

I’m not unfriendly in the gym but please don’t talk to me and let me concentrate on my workout. Some girl tried to convert me to her religion while I was on the bicycle and I still haven’t forgiven her for it.

And don’t talk on the phone either. Shut the hell up.

The last time I was at a regular gym, OP there was (I think a Trump supporter, he would always wear US flag shirts) was talking to an Arab dude about “all the f-ggots at the gym” and “why are there so many gay people at this gym”. The white dude pointed me out and said “that guy’s a f-ggot”. I moved along but it interesting to see how Muslims and Trump supporters uniting (with their hate for gays). I canceled my membership shortly there after.

R54- yes it covers his eyes. he wears a woollen cap pulled down for the anonymous use me experience.

R47 - when there is only the same handful of people at the gym at the same time and one reappears after a long absence I don't think it is being a busybody to ask where have you been in a curious manner. They should be grateful that you care enough to ask. Someone asked me where I had been as they hadn't seen me in a while and I was glad they did. That doesn't make me desperate for attention. Just thankful for a kindness.

R60 how fragile you are. I’m glad you’re kind, though - but just leave people alone at the gym.

Why are people in gyms so unfriendly?

They're all constipated.

[quote]Why are people in gyms so unfriendly

Because athletic people are the most superficial, image obsessed people you'll ever meet. Why do you think the biggest assholes in high school were jocks?

Because most of them are self centered, vain, narcissistic, attention whores. They love attention as long as it’s from others they deem to be equally beautiful or if they have status/money. They are shallow cum sluts.

OP, it's not just NYC...gyms - and I include in that pool smaller boutique type fitness outlets (cycling, yoga, etc.) seem to be high school in miniature - very cliquey and very "in group." As someone else noted, this is a social outlet for a lot of people, but also, people pay a lot of money to join these gyms, so they like to maintain air of exclusivity or "specialness" justifying the expense and as an ego boost. To maintain that (perception of) exclusivity, individuals are unfriendly, unwelcoming or just downright bitchy to any "outsiders."

What I think is important is: does management support this attitude? Do they welcome people when they walk in the door or do they act as if you are invisible? Do they reach out to people who are struggling or do they look at people & smirk? Do employees spend all their time talking to the "in group" or do they try to make small talk with everyone?

One such boutique establishment near me just recently went under & while they were hit hard by COVID and severely constrained by distancing restrictions, their clientele of a relatively small group of "elite" people wasn't enough to keep them afloat. To survive these difficult times, gyms need to change their tune in a big way.

May be something to that birds of a feather thing. Unless you are ripped with Hercules chest you are invisible. But at the other extreme, one guy I observe talks to everyone he walks past. When he chats to me i think it's nothing special and don't take it personally.

Also my manager always says hello. I understand she has some family connection to mental illness as the gym has particular hours for special people.

Does OP require a safety helmet to attend gym?

Sounds like OP expects social interaction at the gym and is feeling ignored, as if its a country club or a place of worship. It is not. It is not a place where strangers socialize or make friends. It's not because you're ugly, its not because the other people have an attitude, its because nobody is there to chat it up or make a friendly connection.

I wonder what's become of that sad sack who started a thread to boast that the (supposedly) straight guys at his gym had finally spoken to him like one of the bodybuilding gang, and it was OMG, the most exciting thing ever? Must have been such a blow to him when/if gyms in his area closed because of covid.

I remember him.

They came there to work out, not chatting. No one wants chitchat when they are exercising.