Jake Gyllenhaal Planning To Marry

She's French. She will probably let him fool around whenever he wants. Candy Bergen let her French husband do it all the time.

The Enquirer says the happy couple will honeymoon at Brokeback Mountain.

Since this is one of Donald Trump's favorite "news sources" I'm not sure how reliable this report is.

We'll have to wait further verification.

I had no idea Jeanne Cadieu was really a man.

R4 lmao

What happened to his romance with Tom Sturridge?

If he's going to marry a 23-year-old foreigner, why couldn't it be Tom Holland?

They're both so ordinary looking. I imagine their children, if they managed to conceive any, would be born without any discernible features whatsoever.

You left out the engagement to Viv Vance and honeymoon at the zoo option in your poll, OP.

R7 Tom Holland said twice now that they are married.

Well R7 your wish was granted

[quote]Since this is one of Donald Trump's favorite "news sources" I'm not sure how reliable this report is.

Since it's the Enquirer, we can safely assume it's a total fabrication.

She resembles Affleck's ex-wife. Her name escapes me.

I think she looks like Aaron Schock in drag.

[quote]She resembles Affleck's ex-wife. Her name escapes me.

That would be Jennifer Garner.

See this is what pisses me off about Jake. His one and only Oscar nomination has been for Brokeback. The bearding has gone to absurd lengths, so much so that even R7's Tom Holland joke rings true, with all the fangurling / crush jokes Jake has been doing on IG.

Then we get IG posts like this, which are supposed to come off as typical frat boyish "gay marriage is a joke" bullshit. Fine. That's who Jake wants us to think he is, but he does while his publicist is floating rumours that he's going to propose to his model girlfriend, whom he never features on his IG or other social media – which most couples would do if they're really that serious.

Fucking annoying.

Do we still care about this no-talent fame grabber?

That's a man, baby.

Jake found the right girl, like George Clooney.

Uh huh.

R19 Uhm, okay?

[quote]Jake found the right girl, like George Clooney.

So did I!

EWWW!!! What's the gash between your legs? You mean there is NO COCK there what so ever??!!!

He is so obviously gay, the bearding seems extra sad coming from him.

He's only 38? He looks well into his 40's.

[quote]Do we still care about this no-talent fame grabber?

Not if he's going to marry a woman and lead the "straight" life - "we're" going to dump him, FAST.

[quote]He is so obviously gay, the bearding seems extra sad coming from him.

There's gay and there's "DL gay" - he was "DL gay" for a long time, largely due to that movie.

There won't be any wedding. Jake's bearding has always been rather half-hearted. "So-and-so seen shopping for engagement rings" is a standard Enquirer gossip template, used over and over for many different celebrities. It's meaningless.

If the National Enquirer says so it has to be true. It says he's engaged to a alien right?

R27 He upgraded from DL gay to full blown gay.

r27 Jake isn't "DL gay" he's fucking "Helen Keller gay." So incredibly obvious.

At least I never married one.

His "fiance" has lesbian jawline

[quote]There's gay and there's "DL gay" - he was "DL gay" for a long time, largely due to that movie.

OK.

Why is the closet a thing in 2019?

Good for him.

She looks older than 23 yo.

[quote] dated a string of high-profile beauties, including Reese Witherspoon

LOL!

R37 And you look jealous. She looks her age. Not younger not older. She looks 23

Well she looks prettier than Jake. Very French style here

Agree, R8. She is not that pretty, never mind gorgeous.

The way he involves the children in his family in his bearding is gross.

He looks craggy and is not aging particularly well. Doubt any of this will make him seem more relevant.

We all know what bearding and lavendar marriages mean, too, R12.

Come ON, R27. He was gay since birth! He dated TAYLOR SWIFT.

His PR is out in full force.

Wonder if it will be a 5 year contract? Bet there will be at least 1 kid, that seems to be the norm in bearding contracts these days.

R41 LOL send us a pic of you so we can compare you...To her!

Seems a French wife is the new trendy thing for the not straight crowd...odd how it never lasts, eh?

Mark Ronson

Matt Schultz

Jakey??? If he wants a kid he may just go through with it.

R40 She's gorgeous on this pic! I know a lots of 23 yo big mouths who don't look as good as her, not even close to her "average" style

[quote] There's gay and there's "DL gay" - he was "DL gay" for a long time, largely due to that movie.

It was the Toothy Tile saga, not Brokeback, that made us see him as a bi/gay man. I'm quite skeptical about blind items these days but I did believe Casablanca, and still do.

R43 Oh now that's because she's French! Pwahahaha!

Pathetic.

Terrible legs, especially for a 23 y/o model. But it doesn’t matter, their child will look like Maggie.

R49 Jeez... Jealousy is so ugly to see.

This is what you call "terrible legs"??

Okay, show me you American obese legs please

[quote]Come ON, [R27]. He was gay since birth! He dated TAYLOR SWIFT. His PR is out in full force.

I'm the only one who has dared to suggest he might not be gay. Hardly "full force".

R50, bitch, did you really post a picture WHERE HER LEGS ARE COVERED!?! To prove your point? Man face too.

I see DLers are losing their shit.

Calm down Ladies, it's not like he would ever touch you.

R52 Take your medecine plz, you are losing your mind. Your jealousy is nauseating.

Oh also, you need a good pair of glasses.

Slightly off-topic but has there ever been a Hollywood actress more hideous than Maggie? She and her kids are eye-wateringly, milk-curdlingly ugly.

R55, I love Maggie. But I don’t understand why she’s letting her tween daughter dress like white trash.

I'm already aware of her. She was the centerfold in last April' issue of CHICKS WITH DICKS.

This girl is pretty in a very generic cookie-cutter way. Couldn’t pick her out of a lineup, but she’s lovely.

I just hope she knows what she’s getting into.

Maggie is lucky nepotism exists.

She's a good actress, but with that face in HW she would not have a career without her parents.

R56

While she dresses like a grandmother

He had to find a 23 year old before he could find someone dumb enough to marry a gay man. And yes, he is gay.

The daughter looks like Peter Sarsgaard, if a 10 year-old Peter Sarsgaard had played Iris in TAX DRIVER.

Head back to re-training R49, you have little credibility and are a JOKE on a GAY GOSSIP BOARD.

You are not helping your client at all.

The tired shill trope that we must all be jealous of his beard - lol.

Does not work for him, or for fug Prince Harry. We can see Jakey is GAY, that this is his latest beard and NOT find him attractive. He is aging really poorly. They say the closet kills.

Is he a heavy smoker? Drinker? Druggie? He looks rough for his age, esp when his living is dependant on his appearance.

Who would have guessed that the beard was a model if she was not labeled as such. Not even pretty and a bit masc looking. Guess it is one of those classic lavendar marriage things. Turkey baster baby, coming up!

His use of his nieces to further his PR rx is gross. Wonder how much the sister gets to play along with it and sell pics?

Ladies and Gent, Bitter Becky has arrived R64.

Correct r47. That poster proves he doesn't even know what he is talking about by not mentioning Toothy Tile. Ted Casablancas did more for making people think Jake is gay than anything else. He spent so much time following chronicling his alleged secret gay life through blind items.

Billy Crystal shares a story about Jake during the filming of "City Slickers."

"'He was always performing,' remembers Crystal. 'He would sing from South Pacific and we'd all go, 'He's gay, he's going to be gay.'"

I always just assumed Jake was bisexual like most actors. But when I saw him on Broadway in "A Life" I started thinking he may in fact be straight. I just cannot see what a gay man with the clout to choose what to appear in could possibly have seen in that material. .The monologue was so trite and so derivative; I have seen sit-coms with more nuance. The plot is a young husband in LA whose wife is about to give birth. He recounts the "hilarious" details about pregnancy and childbirth while remembering his father dying of a heart attack. Jake's mannerisms and intonation often reminded me of a younger Woody Allen, with his deep nervous gulps and stammering. What in the world motivated him to do this type of work unless he has bourgeois longings of his own? WTF?

[quote]What in the world motivated him to do this type of work unless he has bourgeois longings of his own?

Isn't his upbringing bourgeois enough that he doesn't need to do any longing?

So, even 15 years later some of you still seriously think he's Toothy?

If it's your proof, ok...

Planning to "Marry" or "Mary?"

I see the frauen have invaded this thread.

Her skirt is so short you can almost smell her cooch!

[quote] I just cannot see what a gay man with the clout to choose what to appear in could possibly have seen in that material.

You expect gay men to only want to do musicals?

Cleaners more likely, 72. Standard script.

She got no titz and a tight boxxx....

Has he at least fucked Tom Holland ?

Toothy Tile Planning To Marry?

wanna read the beard contract....

In other news, Kelly Clarkson has a kid.

Definitely NOT as lesbian.

And Hugh Jackman eats pussy.

Thoughts and prayers

Any update on Jake and Tom's engagement? Or was he just forgiven for baiting

At least they make a hot couple

Comes a horseman.

Oh, gurl....

YAZ, gurl...

Hee!

The. End.

Do you notice how much happier he seems with him? Then with his ugly ass beard.

Who is that guy Jake is with at the basketball game. Whoever he is, they were clearly fucking.

That's Austin Nichols R91

Happier times for Jake....

This.

This.

This.

This.

So young...

There is no great love like your first great love.

way to get a thread locked down

Those pics leave me breathless.

Jack Nasty!

I look forward to fantasizing about him getting pegged by her. Hot.

Thanks for that, r103. I'd wondered where I'd find my Daily Dose of Disgusting.

Jake looks like he's morphing into a game show host.

A really, really gay game show host.

R105 yes!

Jake is getting married? Who's the lucky guy?

Rolls eyes at R8.

Really ?

I'm starting to break out in hives looking at Jake's outfit at R105.

I'm starting to break out in hives because Mlle Jadieu has no experience with a strap on.

Wow he's aging hard at r105.

Congratulations, Toothy Tiles!

This will end in tears.

Are we sure that with his new found love of musical theatre, it isn’t just an opportunity him to do this for a limited live audience?

Now here's a couple: Jake and Rufus, lovely in harmony

Tattled!!!

We know about Heath & Michelle and that whole story but what happened between him and Jake? Any stories? Frau wants to know.

So he isn't actually getting married?

He's waiting until he's 40. I mean 400.

I’m surprised he doesn’t have a baby yet at this point.