Frau Taxonomy

Some are born Frau.

Yes, that makes her a frau.

No, frau is an attitude. There are male fraus. There are child fraus. I bet there are even dog fraus.

Not cats, though. Never, cats.

A frau is someone who throws herself headlong and enthusiastically into the most frivolous pre-conceptions of 'womanhood' as defined by christofascists, though filtered through myriad lenses. They specialize in faux-outrage, thinking of 'the children', entitlement, hypocrisy and pumpkin spice.

There are actually fifty shades of Frau.

Snark out some details on the decor, OP. Please.

Off the top of my head:

- a photo booth with “quirky!” props

-write a wish to the happy couple on a piece of paper and put in a large bottle for them to read on their first anniversary

-a dessert “wall”

-a s’mores station

-“goody bags” to take home filled with crap with their names and wedding date on it

-table centerpieces with a celestial map of the night sky on the exact night they met

-a table with identical sunglasses for everyone to wear at the outdoor ceremony

-buckets of fireworks sparklers for people to light when the couple makes their entrance into the reception

Geez louise. I've heard of a donut wall. How does a dessert wall work? They should have made an vintage automat wall with desserts behind each glass door.

R6 pegboard with various desserts on little shelves and hooks. Donuts were also present on pegs.

Fraumageddon.

Donuts for a dessert choice? I thought donuts were some kind of snack item between wedding and reception. I have never been to such an atrocious wedding.

Fancy donuts

I would argue one can recover from being a frau until she has children after which there is no turning back. So, the frau gating event is childbirth.

The final stage is the onset of one of several diseases like fibromyalgia.

R10 that would be with coffee at the very end, after dessert, when people are heading for the road? You had to go to a "dessert wall" after dinner? My God.

The official frau fonts

At least they had an open, premium bar THANK GOD. But had three premixed cocktails (one alcohol free) that you could pour yourself from glass drink dispensers

What bubbly did they serve?

Utah is full of kinderfrauen. A few reasons for this phenomenon:

The church encourages daily, detailed journaling from the time children are old enough to write, so blogging comes naturally.

An outward appearance of perfection, gratitude, being #blessed is demanded....all hallmarks of performative frauetry.

The 12-year-old daughters of 32-year-old mothers have a lifetime of watching them stage and photoshop every waking moment for Instagram.

There little to no concept of a child being too young for social media as long as the main thrust is, “Yay! Wizarding World of Harry Potter with my beautiful mama! She’s so beautiful!! Don’t we look like sisters!?!? I love my family soooo much and I’m soooo thankful for this gospel which has given me blessings beyond my wildest dreams! Love you, mama!!”

Utah provides all the right scenery — mountains, desert sunsets, temple backdrops, and dirty-soda chains.

R16 KINDERFRAUEN!!! Yes, that’s perfect for pre-crotch fruit fraus!

Is her husband hot?

Yes, R18

Fraus in training

[quote] - a photo booth with “quirky!” props

[quote] -a dessert “wall”

[quote] -a s’mores station

These things are all common enough at bar and bat mitzvahs along with "make your own sundae bars" for the kids.

Because they're appropriate for 12 and 13 year old kids. Not adults.

Did the DJ make the wedding guests play "Coke and Pepsi" OP (I so rocked this game back in the day, lol)

Wow, r5, that is Frau on steroids down to the wire by the numbers Frau.

R16 blew my mind with his accuracy. How do you know so much about that world? I’m being completely sincere. It was so specific and odd!

R22 - My previously areligious father married an LDS woman who had five kids, then they had three of their own and adopted one more. Of the nine, seven are already cultivating huge families of their own.

I subject the entire crew to Dian Fossey-level scrutiny. Oh, the things I’ve seen.

Pls elaborate further. I find superfrauen fascinating. It’s like the emperor has no clothes. Their deranged dorkiness is visible to everyone but themselves.

Master-level frau in the wild.

Frau Life Cycle:

Kinderfrau > Frauling > Adult Frau > Elderfrau

Some offshoots:

Fibrofrau

Cubefrau

Hun/Bossbabe (MLM Frau)

Psychofrau (Borderline, Narcissist)

r9 We have seen cupcakes brought to a dinner party as a lovely frau hostess gift and dessert addition.

Some fraus make themselves.

THIS. This, this, 1,000 times THIS.

A frauling showing off her wedding dress almost A YEAR before her frau wedding.

R8 - Ha! I thought similarly except mine was: Frauenpalooza.

OMG! That sounds adorable r5/op. I MUST have those at my wedding.

I just recieved 50 black market incandescent clear bulbs for the garlands in the garden for a friend's wedding. They are illegal in Switzerland. Am I a frau? There will be no donut wall.

Frauenism is a state of mind, a "lifestyle" as it were, for those who prefer not to delve into actual living.

R31, you’ll have to post a photo of your vision board (or at very least, link to your Pinterest board) for this friend’s wedding before we can determine your place on the frau spectrum.

You’re off to a good start, however, by admitting to illegal behavior in order to give a member of your #ladysquad the perfect wedding; something that you can (and will) throw back in her face for decades to come:

“What do you mean you can’t babysit D’axxyn-Rae on New Year’s Eve???? I broke the law for you! I could have gone to jail for you!”

We may also do a champagne fountain! I'm going to practice this weekend with some cheap cava to see if it's ridiculous.

BTW that’s my niece at R28. Her sister is the one who got married last week. She posted this the day before her sisters wedding! Jealous frauling!

(And notice the font on the bag and sign she’s holding is the frauligraphy font).

I'm a virgin frau

THIS is a Frau. And r31 it seems like you’re in the waters of Frau but not the deep end.

Even kinderfrauen need a little me-time.

Anyone who responds to others online with phrases like "THIS! THIS! A THOUSAND TIMES THIS!" is a frau who should be put in a pillow case with rocks and drowned in a mercy killing.

R5 Everything you wrote is why I never go out in public anymore.

[quote] THIS. This, this, 1,000 times THIS.

Physician, heal thyself.

R23 isn’t the Mormon (or LDS not sure if there’s a difference) community famous for being hopped up on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds because they’re expected to present a pleasant countenance at all times, even if they’ve just had their legs shown off in a car accident?

To all of those who dare to dis the Pumpkin Spice.

THIS is for you!

SHORN*

I hate fucking autocorrect

R43

Yes, R52; all hopped on on psych meds, plastic surgery, 3-hour workouts, and 44-ounce post-gym sodas with shots of heavy cream added.

LDS and Mormon are the same thing but they’re both verboten as of 2018. Heavenly Father flew down for a chat with the 95-year-old president, as one does, and told him that the church must be referred to by its full name, [italic]The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints[/italic]. The people are to be called [italic]Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.[/italic]

Since all of their branding and internet presence was “LDS this” and “LDS that,” you can imagine the chaos.

The Home Shopping Networks are ground zero for Frauism. Sometimes when I'm bored I'll watch the shows and marvel at how the overly made up and coiffed hostesses go on and on and on about the products ad nauseam. Sometimes I daydream about working there and flouncing about selling crazy products. I enjoy the Christmas shopping shows but have never ordered a single thing. It's just fun to wallow in frau mania for a while.

Hillbilly frau. All four generations of it.

Fraus are the most self important cunts in society

The baby at R47 isn’t the least bit fazed. She’s heard it all before.

And now for a little palate cleanser...

[quote]The official frau fonts

Bumping this thread because R13 keeps popping up in my head.

It sounds like she went to quite a bit of work, r5.

Can’t you even cast her a crumb of gratitude?