HELP! I need advice on how to flirt!

Are you new? All you have to do is whisper, "yummmm."

Compliment him on his best features. Then subtly show some tongue.

Show him into the DataLounge.

Probably this before you open your mouth:

Tell him your doctor told you to take a high volume enema and ask him if he could help you with it. You'll be glad to pay him for this, of course. It may turn out that you'll get an enema and nothing else, but they're not really all THAT bad.

Don't you think dealing with shit in the shithole of a newly acquainted friend a bit turnoff????

You need to set up a diorama with your dolls that depicts him standing behind you while you lift your caftan. He will immediately recognize this as an mating call and will proceed to ravish you thoroughly. If it seems like it's taking too long for him to interpret the scene, you need to stand beside it and stare at him until he understands the message that you're trying to convey.

When your eyes meet in the hallway take your right index finger and ram it rapidly through your left thumb and pointer which form a circle, then jerk your head toward the basement. He should get the hint that you are ready to present.

"How'd you like to get your pinky all stinky"

It is a doll hospital, not a burlesque r7. The dolls are in various states of distress and would not approve of cheap theatrics.

No talk or showing of dolls. Yikes. Talk about how when you get horny all inhibitions fly out the window and you become a no limits whore.

Speak sweetly & act sly.

R8 such a seductive ballerina move!

When he gets there be subtly crying..enough where he'll ask what's wrong. Tell him you had a date and you've just spent the last two hours douching and manscapeing and you're squeaky clean but it's all for nothing...sob!.

Be yourself.

Be Best.

He's on his way over. I don't know what to do. I think I'm going to be sick.

OP/R17 is as anxious about her gentleman caller as Laura Wingfield.

Here.

But you have to get your own fan. You're not borrowing mine.

This will end in tears.

F**k. What have I done?

What did you do, OP?

Do NOT show him your doll hospital!!!!!!

However, we would like to see the doll hospital.

If you’re under 30 you’ve got a shot. If you’re an eldergay, go to your room and open up pornhub.com. That’s as close to dick as you’re gonna get. You’re welcome.

Take your most fragile doll and ask him to assist you with surgery. Since he is a nurse, he is under oath to assist. Saving a sick doll's life together will bind the two of you and then he will be yours forever.

You seem to be a good son. You have an interest/hobby. You're probably not a slut; since you don't know how to flirt. Be yourself, be friendly; if he's interested, it will be enough. May take a little time, but nothing really worth having drops into your hands like ripe fruit. Good luck, op.

When he called and said he was on his way, I got so nervous I forgot about my plan and let him in the front door instead of going through the breezeway. He was, of course dreamy, which made me more nervous. (He reminds me of Patrick from Schitt's Creek after 20 years and a messy divorce from David). He was all business and attended to mother, checking her vitals and monitoring her walking with her walker. As he was preparing to leave, I remembered my plan and ushered him out through the breezeway. He did notice my doll hospital, but to my annoyance started talking about my doll collection. I am NOT a doll collector. I am a rescue-er. I find abandoned dolls in thrift shops and garage sales and revive them. I then give them to Santa to give to under privileged girls (and a few boys) at Christmas.

But he is a "collector". He is a collector of all things Batman. BATMAN! How pedestrian and dull. I know nothing nor do I care about anything remotely connected to cartoons. He invited me to visit his home tomorrow afternoon to view his collection, and like a fool, I said yes. I wish I hadn't agreed to visit and don't know what we'll talk about other than Batman. But I said I'd go and don't wish to be rude.

How dreadful, OP. Thoughts and prayers.

OP it sounds like you and Nurse Andrew are a match made in boring hoarder heaven. Be sure to douche first, and look up one or two facts about The Batted Man so he can tell you are interested in things he likes.

When you go see him, go dressed up like Catwoman. It can’t fail!!!

You have a good imagination, OP. You should sell this story to Netflix.

I could totally see Paul Giamatti as OP. Who should play Nurse Andrew? And who should play OP's suffocating mother?

r26 and r27 are so sweet!

Are your “dolls” inflatable?

I like Shawn Mendes for Nurse Andrew.

No need to flirt. Show him how to make dolls out of human skins and then turn him into a doll. Andrew will be yours forever

Cloris Leachman for Mom.

IS YOUR "DATE" FRUITY OP? NO "OFFENSE" BUT HE "SOUNDS" LIGHT "IN" THE LOAFERS IF "YOU CATCH MY "DRIFT!!"

If he also has multiple cats you need to drop everything and get the fuck out of there.

Well bred people don't fuck the help, OP. I would encourage you to show him your doll hospital, that should eliminate any future possibility of inappropriate dalliances.

Well... how did it go, OP, with you and Andrew and Batman?

OP, can you make your back bone slip? All the records used to tout this as a way to have a good time.