Let's Be Sunset Boulevard

OP, we have all noticed your sagging net.

I'm Betty Buckley's fingers, sliding across her razor cheekbones just before her final "I'LL BE MEEEEE!"

I'm the shadow over the left eye

I'm the lucky drops of water glistening on Joe's beautiful chest as he exits the pool after a swim

We're the actual emotions displayed by Jack Webb, a shock to those of us who weren't born in 1950 and only knew him from [italic]Dragnet[/italic] reruns.

I’m not Glenn’s Close (thankfully).

Yes, let's, and then we will have the smelly feet of vapid selfie-sters all over us all day and night.

I am Madame's first husband!

I’m the dead monkey in a coffin ignored as a warning to the protagonist who, despite being a Hollywood screenwriter, doesn’t recognize symbolism and foreshadowing.

I am the fire no longer being poked by the monkey.

I'm Joe's old job in Dayton, Ohio.

I'm the locks that have been removed from Norma's mansion.

I'm an Isotta Fraschini. I'm one of those cheap things made of chromium and spit. My owner paid $28,000 for me, which in 2019 figures is about half a million.

I'm Rudy.

I never ask any questions. I just look at your heels and I know the score

r13 should read "I'm NOT one of those cheap things"

I'm the salesman in the Fine Men's Clothing shop. I can spot my own kind from a mile away, which is why I tell Joe from one ho to another "As long as the lady's paying for it, why not take the Vicuna?"

I'm the musical.

I'm Buster Keaton.

I’m the original score Patti was able to sing in a musical version.

I'm also Cecil B DeMille, calling on decades of necessary ass-kissing experience to tactfully get this crazy, deluded bitch off my set so I can the fuck back to work! I'M ALREADY OVER BUDGET!

Great idea for a thread OP!

I'm from hunger.

I'm William Holden's intact chest hair. I wasn't so lucky in "Picnic."

I’m the geriatric variation.

I am ready for my close up.

I'm the microphone that bumps into Gloria Swanson that she swats away like it was a mosquito.

I’m Chateau Mormont. I don’t get it, but I’m happy for some discreet promotion.

I'm the 1929 Isotta Fraschini luxury automobile, and it's all about ME! I'M THE GREATEST STAR OF THEM ALL! It's ME they want, bitch, NOT YOU!

I'm......

I’m the shot of William Holden floating in a pool that ended up on Nirvana’s “Nevermind” album cover.

I am William Holden's underpants.

I'm the towel.

I'm Hedda Hopper - just glad to be giggin'

I'm this bull shit right here, haha

I'm the apple.

I'm the little 12 year old gay boy, who after being bombarded with a week's worth of promotions on KTVU, showing Gloria Swanson spitting out 'I am big. It's the PICTURES that got small!' sneaks down to the den on Saturday night to watch SUNSET BLVD on the Late Late Show, thereby igniting a half-century long love affair with classic movies in general and with film noir in particular.

I'm the camera into which the deathless line is uttered as that inimitable fadeout occurs . . .

I’m Joe’s unsold baseball script “Bases Loaded.”

I'm "the score." I'm known by looking at heels.

I'm the mansion. I was torn down shortly after the film was made.

I used to be somebody.

I'm the cute musical for Betty Hutton: "It Happened in the Bullpen: The Story of a Woman"

I'm the Intriguing narrator.

I'm Norma's unruly bush of gray pubes young Joe is forced to navigate.

I'm Montgomery Clift and I actually signed on to play Joe Gillis, but I backed out at the last minute thereby letting a role in an iconic film slip through my fingers. What the hell was wrong with me?

I'm the bucket of Vaseline poured over the camera lens during the last three seconds.

R42 has never heard of the Balding Pudenda.

I am Norma's finger-ring cigarette holder.

I'm the Frownies, Wrinkies, and Mueller belt machine.

I'm MELODRAMA! I should get combat pay in this one!

If I might be forgiven for piercing the veil, I would have loved Montgomery Clift in the role. I don’t buy Holden as a kept boy.

R43 I was your problem, the woman in your life and its nearness to Sunset

I'm Evanston, IL, where the movie first previewed.

I'm Gloria pondering her next camp moment in "Nero's Mistress", playing Agrippina, Nero's mother, and Claudius's last wife (the one who poisoned him with mushrooms in "I Claudius"), and being pissed off because my part was dubbed into Italian with another actress so fans couldn't hear my voice!

I'm the swimming pool. The poor dope always wanted a swimming pool.

I'm the "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" episode which explores "What Ever Happened to Norma Desmond?"

It seems that once she was released from a mental institution, she bought a bee farm, got an east European accent, and the ability to walk around covered with bees and not be poisoned by their sting.

I am Joe's cock getting hard in her hot wet mouth despite feeling a bit sick.

I'm the oil wells in Bakersfield. Pumping, pumping, pumping.

It would kill you to post a pic of yourself, r47?

I'm the landfill containing all the doorknobs that have been removed from Madame's house.

I'm the ghost of Gloria Swanson wondering why a transvestite has been cast in the lead role.

R47 I assume Frownies and Wrinkies were exactly the same product with different names and packets.

I am Max.

I am the tile floor Rudolph Valentino insisted upon. I am the only way to tango. One must have a tile floor to tango.

I'm QUEEN KELLY, the 1932 silent movie Norma screens for Joe.

I was bankrolled by Swanson's lover Joseph P. Kennedy and directed by Erich von Stroheim.

I was released in Europe and South America, but never in the United States

I am the divorce settlement which granted me the house from my ex-husband.

If Gloria Swanson is not a DL icon, she needs to be.

I’m Hawkeye

I'm "Por Una Cabeza" and I should have been the track playing for the Tango scene.

I'm Hedda Hopper, once again appearing as a gossip columnist in the finale of a classic film.

We're Eddie and Cal, and we play in the orchestra on New Year's Eve. When Miss Desmond has a snit fit and shuts down her private celebration, and Max is distracted, we scram with a case of Moet & Chandon Brut Imperial 1945.

I'm the magnifying glass, made by Irice of Germany.

I'm "Untitled Love Story"

I'm "Titled Love Story".

R10 She fucked that monkey to death!

[quote] If I might be forgiven for piercing the veil, I would have loved Montgomery Clift in the role. I don’t buy Holden as a kept boy.

But how can you not at least buy Holden as a potential love interest for Nancy Olson? Remember, Joe Gillis is being played on two sides.

I am Salomé!

I am Pola Negri and Mary Pickford, who both turned down Norma. I am not Mae West, who was briefly considered but never offered the part.

We're the waxworks. We're RICH, too! We've got millions of dollars!

I am George Cukor, who read the script and suggested Gloria Swanson to Billy Wilder.

I am the script for Salome! I'm endless... Joe could never scratch enough blue lines through it and make it filmable.

I'm Gloria Swanson. I was born to play Norma Desmond.

Patti, Betty, Glenn, and all the others are mere poor imitations.

I’m the walls covered in black patent leather.

Miss O'Brien was finally able to edit Salome down to its bare essence.....

I'm the 1946 Plymouth convertible about to have a fortuitous blowout in the 10000 block of Sunset.

SAH-low-may or Sah-LOW-mee?

The latter is so provincial yet the version Swanson uses.

I’m the shop bottom pushing vicuña. Hey, as long as the lady’s paying for it...

I'm Jonesy, the guard at the Paramount Gate. A young policeman tells him she can't ride into the lot without a pass. I tell him: "Miss Desmond can"

I'm Norma's reply: "Thank you, Jonesy. And teach your friend some manners. Tell him without me he wouldn't have any job, because without me there wouldn't be any Paramount Studio."

I’m Madame’s bouts of melancholy.

I’m mad about the boy.

I'm the sprawling mansion of Norma Desmond. I am not located anywhere near Sunset Boulevard. I'm actually the Getty mansion in the Wilshire District. Later, just before they tear me down, I'll play the role of "House" in another picture -- "Rebel Without a Cause."

I'm the legendary, beloved Tower Records that once sat on the corner of Sunset and Horn.

I’m the finger cigarette holder that captivated a young gayling in early 1980s NYC, when he first saw the movie; the same gayling who grew up, and bought one for himself, just because.

I'm the fan mail that Madame receives on a daily basis - and I'm written by Max

I’m the rope bannister on the staircase with that oh so perfect swag to it.

I'm the bandages after Madame slits her wrists on New Year's Eve.

I'm the leopard print.

Did the costume designer win an Oscar?

Just looked it up ... it wasn't even nominated!

I’m Lemon Grove Avenue — just two blocks from the studio — where Betty Schaefer was born.

I'm Faye Dunaway and I'm still damn mad!

I'm Betty Schaefer's nose job.

I’m actress Yvette Vickers, the giggling blonde girl using the telephone at Artie’s New Year’s Eve party. I was found dead in my home — mummified — by a neighbor in 2011. It was determined by the L.A. County Coroner that I had been dead for almost a year,

[quote]Worried neighbor Susan Savage, an acquaintance of Vickers who hadn't seen her lately, felt compelled to investigate Vickers' whereabouts. She discovered the body April 27.

[quote]"It was one of the most horrible things I've ever seen. I didn't even recognize it was a body," Savage said.

I'm the waxworks.

I'm R88 and R107, and we're both too self involved to care we've both been named already in the thread.

I'm r108. I'm delightful at parties.

I'm Scotty Bowers, waiting in the wings for Bill Holden to finish his death scene.

Why, Scotty? Were you the pool boy?

That's so SAD about Yvette Vickers!

R99 I'm not leopard print, you bitch; I'm the real thing.

I'm Billy Haines and also Louella Parsons, wondering if we made the right decision by turning down Wilder's offers to appear in the movie.

The house was at the corner of Crescent Heights and Wilshire Blvd......a Bank of America building replaced it.

I'm the solid gold cigarette case with r92 inscribed inside me

I'm the brush

"These are nothing!!!! ......What do you want......money?"

That's my favorite line, r118!

It really highlights the film's pathos.

Did Cecil B. DeMille and Gloria do any other work together?

"Swanson was also a star in the silent film era as both an actress and a fashion icon, especially under the direction of Cecil B. DeMille. "

Thank you Captain Obvious, R121.

I am the beauty regime

[quote]I am the beauty regime

Is that anything like a beauty regimen?

Gloria was the Special Guest Star on this morning's MeTV episode of "The Beverly Hillbillies." She made a silent movie with Jed, Granny, Jethro, and Elly May for a special showing at the Bijou in Bug Tussle. (Go to around 21:25 for the movie, "Passion's Plaything.")

I’m the corpse of Joe Gillis. I drowned in the pool that Norma is so proud of.

I was having an"affair" with an older, middle-aged, former actress (Libby Holman) and that's the real reason I didn't do the picture. Too close to real life.

I'm the story behind R75.

At a Hollywood gathering in the 90s, Wilder and Nancy Reagan were chatting when another woman walked up and interrupted them. She wanted to know what the meaning was behind the whole monkey scene and Wilder replied: ""Don't you understand? Before Joe Gillis came along, Norma Desmond was fucking the monkey.""

I am Louis B Mayer and I am extremely pissed off after seeing the premier............. as sunset blvd mocked the entire industry! Damn that Billy WIlder, biting the hand that fed him.

(Side note, Monty Clift backed out of the Holden role 2 weeks before principal shooting began). His off and on mother/son/ lover mixed up pairing with Libby Holman was the cause. Libby was decades older and she didnt want to be ridiculed for life imitating art.

i'm Gloria Swanson trying to push her vegan diet on set. well it worked because i looked great til the end, bitches.

She WAS Forever Young......

"Immaculatey clean!"

May I please have a deep draft of my dry martini for every time dear Gloria hammers this tagline home here?

That's a fabulous pearl R126 - and I am now hammered on vermouth.

Aww, I wanna see it now....

R124 I am the army of beauty experts invading Normas house.

Inspired by R136 clip -

I'm the white cotton gloves worn nightly over handfuls of cold cream slathering Norma's talons.

I'm also the masseuse in the brigade of beauty professionals trooping to 10000 Sunset who takes great pleasure in pummmelling the demanding bitch.

Was there anything hotter, ever, than William Holden at that time?

No R139.

I'm Joe's beach towel. I love the work I perform.

I'm the pool furniture basking in the Californian sun. I'm slowly cracking up.

I will witness Joe's denouement.and the LA Crime desk press pack will then kick me aside in their haste for the money shot.

L'm Norma Desmond and after the criminal charges against me were reduced to self-defense and justifiable homicide on the testimony of Betty Schaefer, As my very highly paid new secretary Betty and I lived a interesting life together, We frequently traveled together and once were even on a Boeing 747 where the pilots struck another plane and were sucked out of the cockpit leaving a hysterical stewardess to fly the plane. I sent Betty back to keep the sick kid quiet, but I didn't count on the nun with a guitar.

I am the slap ,the twirling chiffon and the shaking curls .

Norma wasn't a bitch in my opinion. At least not as a matter of routine. Maybe she was a complete bitch to Max but I'm undecided as that is a deeply perverted and mysterious dynamic between them. I am Max's white gloves. I am probably Stroheim's own and not from the costume department.

I see Joe's towel is working overtime dancing twice through this thread.

It's probably afraid if it stays in the linens closet, then it will be otherwise roped into the bathing and beauty regimen,gathering flakes of Norma's dead skin instead of William Holden's glistening crystalline chest water droplets from the pool at R4.

I'm the cameras that will never turn.

Did you dry Joe's 'private areas', Miss Towel?

R52, is the young woman Brigitte Bardot ? She looks like it might be her.

I am the creepy, deeply disturbed expression on Buster Keaton’s face.

They paid me well for this cameo. Vamp it up!

Does anyone know who gave this quote: “ We were weird, but not that weird.”

I think it might’ve been Swanson herself, commenting on the veracity of the film and the milieu of 1920s movie stars. Or was it Chaplin?

I'm the original opening with corpses talking to each other.

???, R152. Joe and the monkey?

No, this:

I’m the parade Norma’s still waving at, even though I’ve long since passed her by....

[quote] R142: I'm the pool furniture basking in the Californian sun. I'm slowly cracking up.

A lot of old people don’t sense their furniture/paint etc., decaying around them. I have a Liz Taylor autographed photo that is sun stained, faded, or whatever. It’s a shame. My Ella Fitzgerald autographed photo is holding up well.

I'm the prestigious remake....

I'm the script Joe and Betty are working on, the plot of which had already been done in 1933 with Ginger Rogers and Norman Foster. It was called "Rafter Romance."

I'm Betty's grandmother. I did stunt work for Pearl White.

Then, r159......

I'm Joe's typewriter. I'm like Norma in the sense that I get to feel Joe's long strong fingers stroking across my body.

R156 -Well, I'm glad you don't possess any of MY signed glamour shots then!

Follow my lead why don't you? Keep the lighting low and your drapes closed Darling!

As long as you aren't cracking up yourself Elder Gay #351.

R162, I just might, you damned dirty ape!

I'm the fresh gardenia buttonholing Joe Gillis' cutaway.

I'm the tinted dreams of Old Hollywood long faded, now tainted under the harsh glare of modernity beating down on the ' Strip.

I need re-tounching.

"touching"! ^

I'm the actual undertaker stuck on Sunset because of a police chase.

I'm one of "the WONDERFUL people out there in the dark"

I'm Joe's sensitive story about Oakies in the dust bowl. You'd never know it because when it came out the whole thing played on a PT boat.

I'm the chimp's white coffin. I'm so gay, yet I don't know R167 if you had my stiff corpse finally cushioned in white, pink or red, flaming red satin per Norma's instructions?

I am someone who’s actually met Billy Wilder.

R132--Those Forever Young dresses came in "Glamour Sizes!" I yearn to find one in a thrift store one day.

I m "glamour sized" and not worthy of R171.

I'm the cigarette smoke swirling above in the projection light during Norma's private cinema screening with Joe.

Now we are impressed, r171. Please tell us more!

Blind yourself with the glamour, r172!

I am Max's hair. I fell out after having to deal with all her needy shit.

I'm the wind blowing through Norma's pipe organ.

I'm Donald Duck. Joe Gillis mentions me to give Norma an example of the short end of how long movies are these days. I'm also mentioned in [italic]All About Eve[/italic], which Disney now owns thanks to the Fox deal.

I am Gloria Swansong.

“This picture's putting me back on top, where I belong! You cause trouble, and I'll bash every bone in your beak, buster!” ―Gloria, after Darkwing messes up the movie set

I'm Anna Q. Nilsson....

Her halter whatever looks very interesting.

Gaby Deslys's Swan Bed.

It's not the same bed

It is Gaby's bed but it's a boat bed, not a swan's bed

Story here:

I'm one of the cops in uniform and I'm pretty nifty in my tight tailored black pants...

I'm wondering "WTF is this shit?!" as I'm waiting on the staircase, staring up at some old Broad on the landing who ain't too shabby in the chassis and done up to the nines wiith slap all over her face,

I came to LA from North Dakota with a buddy for fun times and regular work after Uncle Sam did us a number. Man, I've seen some weird shit in this town too I can tell ya!

And now we're all waiting around on some bald old Coot in a penguin suit?!

Maybe somebody here can get me Extras work in the Movies?

It's a clever site. Harmonia Gardens reused as Planet of the Apes?

Oh, thanks for that, r189.

OT for the thread but in response, here's some trivia for you r189. The New York montage in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid was shot on the New York sets for Hello, Dolly! Butch was shot after Dolly and it was assumed the film would be released after Dolly. Fox was very proud of those sets and the suits had assumed they would be seen first in all their glory in Streisand's film. But when Broadway producer David Merrick sold the film rights, he craftily included a clause that the film couldn't be released until the Broadway production had closed. When Fox bought the rights, the Broadway production appeared on its last legs and nobody gave a second thought to it.

But then Merrick brought in Phyllis Diller, who turned out to be a surprisingly good Dolly with good word of mouth and the box office went up. Then Merrick finally convinced Ethel Merman to play the role that had been written for her and show became the hottest ticket in New York. Meanwhile the film Dolly and Butch Cassidy just sat on the shelf awaiting release, costing Fox a small fortune.

Butch Cassidy's director solved his problem by changing the New York montage from a film montage to a black and white photo montage mainly featuring the actors with the sets blurred in the background. Butch Cassidy was released first. Fox finally paid Merrick and the other copyright holders an extra million dollars to allow the film to be released while Merman was still starring on Broadway.

I'm Max, the chauffeur who couldn't drive. Erich von Stroheim didn't drive and the car had to be towed with ropes. Even then, von Stroheim managed to hit the Paramount gates.

I'm the Hollywood Baroque at 10 000 Sunset.

....and gilt framed mirrors throughout for the fairest of Paramount all!

I am the white peacock feather in Norma's hat when she goes to visit DeMille. Conspiring with Edith head, it was Swanson's idea, and is either (depending on which story one believes) either the actual feather or a reference to the peacock headdress she had worn in Male and Female, directed by Mr. DeMille.

R175 one of my first jobs was at a car dealership in Beverly Hills. Billy Wilder used to come in to get his car repaired. I worked the front desk so he’d have to check in with me. I remember as kind of timid with a big smile. Very unassuming for such a big celebrity. Very nice man.

Do you remember what car he drove?

R197 the dealership repaired Lincoln Mercury and Peugeot’s. Joan Rivers and Edgar used to come in, as well.

Trivia: Reagan was close friends with the dealership owner. The WH would call often. I answered all incoming calls. The WH operator would call on behalf of the President and I’d connect the call.

Nice insight R196.

....and speaking of mirrors and cars -

I'm the rear vision mirror. I like the view of Jim's jawline.

We know what you mean, Mary r196. In our Hollywood career (1977-2000) we had extensive contact with the show biz rich and famous and the one thing that stands out is this: The greater, richer, more powerful they are, the more humble they are. (except for Zsa Zsa)

according to that recent Bogdanovic interview Billy Wilder was a huge POS

A talented one. Billy had a sheepish smile and spoke softly.

I'm Mulholland Drive, which paid homage to Sunset Boulevard in several ways.

r202: when tony curtis' son OD'd, Wilder sent him this telegram: "Like father like son".

This thread has inspired me to re-watch Sunset Boulevard

is it available for free viewing anywhere on the net? Nothing good is free anymore on youtube.

I'd rather spend the day with the late Billy Wilder than Bogdanovich.

Try Tubi - it's fee and there's a great deal of content on it. TUBI.

Here ya go, R206. You'll have to click some windows away for it to start, but then it will play undisturbed.

Bless you r209!

R210 if you're experiencing any lag then use the Open Load server below the default server - better playback

I’m the miniature statue of the god Dagon, an actual prop from DeMille’s Samson and Delilah, cynically being used as an ashtray at Jack Webb’s New Year’s party.

Bless you r211 - we like those words "Open Load"!

I'm another mirror! The mirror in the pool that was used by the Crew to capture that innovative water shot of Jim's corpse in the opening sequence.

[**This YouTube clip is great, has Betty Schaeffer and also speaks to the original opening changes R152 /R154 mentions.]

[quote] I’m the miniature statue of the god Dagon, an actual prop from DeMille’s Samson and Delilah, cynically being used as an ashtray at Jack Webb’s New Year’s party.

To be fair to Jack's drunk guests, Dagon was put out of business when Samson pulled down his temple so it stopped being sacrilege 3200 years ago.

I'm the beautician holding R72"s Ince German magnifying glass up to Miss Desmond's puffy eye bags.

"Get me an iced compress eye-pack, STAT!"

Snippy typo Oh Dear! shout out to my colleague at R138 too:. an "M" is extraneous hereabouts- doncha know?

I'm Judy Garland. In 1950 I lived at 10000 Sunset Boulevard with my husband Vincente Minelli. I always suspected something was going on with him and Bill Holden.

I'm the set Norma visits at Paramount Studios where De Mille is actually at worki on 'Samson and Delilah'.

Oh! ....and dear R100/101, don't you worry about liil ol' me! I picked up load of little statues after kitting out one of my idols, dear Gloria.

I collected an Oscar that year in 1950 anyway for my B/W film costume work on The Heiress (1949).

I then cleaned up again in 1951 with two more little statuettes, twice in fact! Both the B)W and Color Film.Costume awards each came my way with All About Eve (1950) and Samson and Delilah (1949) which lovely Cecil was directing during Sunset's production..

Edit gave good wardrobe but why did she always wear sunglasses indoors?

I'm the rain, in one great big package: oversized, like everything else in California.

My trademark black rimmed glasses were certainly my signature Mae @ R220.

This little habit I began while wearing blue filter lensed spectacles at work in the Studio to better help me see how those fabulous fabrics, in texture and detail with accessories in colors would look on B/W film.

I'm the selfies on all available surfaces Max must dust!

....

....

I am the first connection between Gloria and Edith.

When Edith started, Gloria was at her height of popularity and only worked with the best, which meant Banton and Greer. Edith's job was to wash her hosiery.

I am the very expensive imported lube that Norma used to combat her post-menopausal vaginal dryness when Joe's fat young cock was greeted an audience.

*granted*

r227 = best reply yet

Nowadays 50 yo Hollywood stars get preggars. Back then, I'm sure Joe flooded Norma's vagine with splooge.

I'm Norma's gynaecologist. Some mistakes have been discreetly taken care of in the past.

This new fellow? He isn't Miss Desmond's first rodeo.

"All I ask is that you be a little patient and a little kind."

I am The House of Cartier.

Madame purchased two bracelets made of rock crystal and diamonds on platinum in 1930. Worne in the movie, many stills and the night she was robbed ....

I'm Betty Schaeffer's nose. I coulda been a contendah!

My slant got "fixed" for Studio tests and still she let me down!