People who always run late

I agree. It drives me crazy

I tell my mom something starts at least an hour before it does because I always felt so embarrassed growing up whenever we were late for stuff.

They don't value you or think they're very important. They also know you won't call them out on it.

„Punctuality is the politeness of kings“

My parents taught us as children that, "If you're on time you're late. If you're 5 minutes early, you're on time."

Pigs

r4 I like that

I am one of those assholes who drives you all crazy. I am perpetually late, and it's not be because I think my time is more valuable than anyone else's. I think it's because I fluff around and get distracted.

[quote] it's not be because I think my time is more valuable than anyone else's.

Well, you certainly act as if it is.

I don’t care what type A people think of me. Chill dude

Here's something I've noticed: People who can't manage their time are generally poor money managers.

Why do you suppose they mean to be late OP? I'm clumsy as in I'll misjudge distances between myself and i have difficulty visualizing space and distances. It's the same for the mind - I 'trip over' time because the temporal distance between things I have to do or the places I have to be are also difficult for me to feel in the way that other people do. I always think I have more time to do something than I do or that whatever I have to do will take me less time than it does, we literally experience time differently to you, it doesn't make you better than us.

I know there are things that I am much better at than people around me who are always punctual, and I think it's to do with the way our minds work.

[quote] My parents taught us as children that, "If you're on time you're late. If you're 5 minutes early, you're on time."

Unless you've been invited over for dinner. In which case you should run 10-15 min late. Being early or on time in this instance is called Dutch time.

That is very true of me R11

In my family because it's like it's genetic how my father's side is always early and my mother's side is always late. Whenever there's some gathering with both sides, by dad's said is always bitching about it.

-because

dad's side*

I’m not uptight. Sometimes I am late, sometimes I wait for those who are late. I’m chill about it. It’s all good yo.

It’s an issue of control and ant-social behavior. People who are divas tend to show up late and focus attention on themselves.

Chronic lateness of 30 minutes to hours to every single thing (work, dinner, meetups, etc.) is motivated 100% by pure selfishness.

[quote]I am perpetually late, and it's not be because I think my time is more valuable than anyone else's. I think it's because I fluff around and get distracted.

I take it that along with your time, you're also not great about being that self-aware.

I agree, OP. I tell my team if the meeting starts at 10:00, that means it STARTS at 10:00 - not, "I'll start heading that way at 10:00."

We concur, R4.

I'm sure that's sometimes true R19 but it certainly isn't always. You're generalising based on a small sample of your own experience with, I'm sure, some confirmation bias thrown in?

I do also dislike people who are constantly early. 5-10 minutes early is okay. But 30 minutes or more is not cool.

A group of my friends always get together once every two weeks. One of them would always be at the very least 30 minutes late. The closer we would meet to where she lived, the later she would be. She seemed to get off on making everyone wait to eat, etc. No one wanted to confront her on it out of "politeness," but I figured, "fuck politeness," since she couldn't even bother being polite enough to show up on time ONCE.

So, I told everyone we should just order. They were hesitant, but went along with it. By the time she showed up, we were already eating. She was pissed. I told her we all had things to do after and it wasn't our problem if she was late.

The next two times we got together she was still late and we did the same thing.

She finally realized we would no longer wait for her and started "only being late," by about 10 minutes.

R24 then what is your explanation for someone who is habitually late?

I agree with R19, if someone is always late, they are self-absorbed and don't bother thinking about other people's time.

I have relatives who are constantly late. Three sisters who are my cousins. Finally, when they showed up to a party 45 mins, 1 hour and 1.5 hours late respectively I asked to talk to all three of them. I told them they are constantly late, so much so they have become the joke of the family. I told them it is disrespectful because it says to us that their time is more important than ours. They were taken aback. (I did this privately in another room). One of them got upset and went back to the party asking everyone if she is always late. The party turned into an intervention. Everyone spoke up with stories about how they are always late. It was glorious.

R28 classic. Goes to show that people who are constantly late are so self-involved they don't even realize other people are aware of it.

R2- I did that with my mom as well. I always told her events started one hour before they actually did. The family's much weary line was " She will probably be late for her own funeral". Well guess what. When she passed, due to both funeral home drama, family drama, and guests actually being late to the funeral home her service went up 20 minutes late. She would have LOVED that…….

R2 that's a great tactic, however, with some it only works so long. Some people who are always late catch on and just adjust accordingly.

People who are always late live longer and are more intelligent.

R27 - I gave my explanation at R12. I agree that lateness can be a sign of selfishness but it isn't always. This also depends on the occasion and the degree of lateness. The best thing is when you have friendships with other people who are usually late and then you end up being a similar time and/or don't really mind. I am often friends with those sorts of people because I find that our minds work a similar way so we have interesting conversation.

I find that the friends I have had in the past who are punctual/early and HATE when the other is late were frankly quite boring. I have more interesting conversations now and neither of us mind when the other isn't on time. Just my experience.

[quote] I always think I have more time to do something than I do or that whatever I have to do will take me less time than it does.

Have you tried estimating the time it will take to do something and then multiply that by 1.5 or 2?

Yeah, R33, and your explanation at R12 shows you have a lack of self-awareness. You know that you have issues with measuring time or temporal distance or what have you, but you could also factor that in and work around it. It's like people who use the excuse, "I'm always late because I have kids and it's just impossible to get them ready on time."

That's bullshit. You know how long it takes to wrangle your kids and act accordingly. If you need to be somewhere at 12:00 p.m. you know how long it takes you to be there and you work backwards knowing what time you absolutely have to walk out the door and leave and what time you need to start getting ready before you walk out the door, etc.

There was a cuntish lecturer at college who could never finish his appalling spiel on time, which made everyone late for the next event. He was a nasty piece of work, a narcissist of epic proportions. His favorite refrain was, "I'm so famous" because some pisspoor piece of work of his had been inadvertently published someplace. He thought that he was soooo brilliant that mere time could not possibly apply to him and damn the consequences for the others. At least half of the appalling spiel was spent on himself and he would turn nasty if you didn't enthusiastically play along (eg he'd tell us all about his Mercedes, his health, his family which were introduced under the see-thru guise of giving examples to illustrate various 'principles' he claimed to have identified). Ha!

You seem a bit angry R35 and I'm not sure why? I'm sure I've never met up with you (late) in real life - you don't sound like the sort of person I'd want to spend time with. I was explaining in R12 that time and distance are instinctive and even though you can use methods to try and get around that it still doesn't completely solve the problem. Your 'just work backwards' logic shows you haven't grasped my point at all. You sound like one of the boring people I was talking about above who throw a fit if they're kept waiting for five minutes. Do your find your own company so boring that you can't stand to be alone for that long?

You're projecting, R37. You're angry because, yes, your response is bullshit and you're making excuses for yourself. The very fact that you can't seem to work around your deficits shows that you are in fact, not very self-aware. And of course you wouldn't want to spend time with people who call you out for your behavior because... well, you're self involved.

People who always run late inevitably always have some excuse and it is always one that, "nobody else could possibly understand."

It's the definition of being self-absorbed.

I have never met a chronic later who wasn't insufferable.

Haha, No you're angry R38, and still haven't grasped my point about experiencing time differently while also trying to work around that. I posted to be helpful originally, to explain to OP that people do have different subjective experiences of the world, but I should have known a thread about punctuality would be full of self-righteous cunts who fail to grasp that.

And no, it's not not spending time with people who 'call me out' it's not wanting to spend time with boring cunts like yourself. I have a friend who was meant to come round at 3pm, he texted to say he'd be coming at 4pm and he'll probably be here at 4.30. Do I care? no. When he gets here we will have a fascinating conversation about social theory and research approaches and I'll feel intellectually invigorated for meeting with him.

If I were to meet with you I'm certain you'd be on time and I'm also certain it would be so boring I'd probably fall asleep. Why don't you unclench for just a second? control freaks are the people I stay away from.

Blocking now as I have better things to do with my time. Bye.

And R41 you're not grasping that you could actually work around your deficiencies but you won't.

And yes, you do care. You care a lot. Your posts prove that.

R41 proving that its insufferable. It probably also can't grasp why it has no friends.

Blocking is a sign of weakness and a sign you know you're wrong.

[quote]. The closer we would meet to where she lived, the later she would be.

This reminds me of a woman I used to work with. She literally lived across the street from where we worked and would always be at least 20 minutes late coming in. And of course when she would come in, despite being late, she could never actually start doing her work. She would go into the kitchen and make and eat breakfast, read the paper, etc. It's like, WTF, you were just home and late. Couldn't you have done this there? She would also walk around and water the plants and wipe everything down with wipes, etc.

She had no self-awareness at all and had no clue that everyone around her hated her.

I'm never late for work, however I tend to be late for social calls. The truth is I don't really care all that much for socializing.

Funny, the woman I wrote about in R45 never had a clue that people thought she was terrible and everyone hated her. My guess is that R41 goes through life similarly. And that sort of proves the point that people who are always late have no awareness outside of themselves.

People who are always late are selfish and rude. I hate it! Their poor excuses are laughable. Can't judge time and distance? Buy a fucking alarm clock and leave on time or better yet early, so you can be on time.

I'm so happy that restaurants, doctors and dentists charge you a fee if you are late for an appointment. Theaters and cinemas don't let late comers in. It's you problem if you can't be on time. Why should others be disturbed?

If you are late for dinner, I will start eating without you. That's the most logical thing to do.

Someone said that it was appropriate for a young lady to be 15 minutes late at all times. That was in the 19th century right? What about now? Liz Taylor was always at least 15m late, but she was a Diva.

Being on time is a choice. I used to be late for stuff because, like r12, I’d think I’d have more time to get places than I did, and/or it would take longer than I planned. But consistently, not every once in a while.

I was a selfish dick. I didn’t mean to be but I was. Now I plan to leave 15 minutes earlier than I used to and I’m rarely late and if I am it’s legit and beyond my control. We know the subway in NYC sucks, plan for it! Make a choice to be on time and you will be. It is in your own control, really it is.

And R50, how did you come to the realization that your being late was a choice and what made you change it?

I had (had being the operative word) a friend who was always insanely late. I'd have a dinner party and it was nothing for her to show up an hour and a half late, and walk in with everyone eating and act like it was no big deal. I started telling her to show up to things at least an hour before they actually started, but she finally caught onto me and adjusted her timing so she could continue to show up incredibly late. I was dumbfounded and remain dumbfounded by any grown person who can't manage their time.

Used to bug me but then I realized that I don't have to be on time with them and I arrange to do things where I can find something worthwhile to do to kill time, as needed. Really, get over your OC selves.

R52 She had 'to make an entrance, dahling.' So tiresome.

I had a friend who was chronically late for years, generally by at least 45 minutes to an hour. If you'd ask him why, he'd say that he always intended to be on time, but everything just took longer than he expected it too. I didn't understand why he didn't just adjust his expectations, but then he married a punctual guy who evidently excelled at getting him on task in time to get where they needed to go. Sadly, punctual guy passed away a few years ago, but late guy has continued to be usually on time or generally no more than 5 or 10 minutes late, like a normal person. So I tend to agree that the chronically late are sometimes just terrible at making time estimates, and can learn if they put an effort in. But sometimes "effort" means a punctual person pushing them to recognize the problem and get started earlier.

Has no friends yet had a friend coming round for tea and chat? lol at reading incomprehension.

People who throw hissy fits at people being 5 minutes late are insufferable, honestly. Chill out.

One of my slightly older mentor-y friends came to the conclusion about himself - realized he was always late, always apologizing for it, and decided he didn’t want to be that guy anymore. It made me look at my own life and realize I felt the same way.

Talk about reading comprehension issues, R57 is spinning. Who said anything about 5 minutes? You're so hellbent on trying to justify your behavior, you're not even making sense.

I like using that plan your departure backward. I know how long every activity takes before I leave. Every morning I have to be at a different worksite and it takes various times to get to them. Thank God for predictive traffic by Waze! It’s surprisingly accurate! I am rarely late If ever.

Thank god I'm unpopular. It hurt like hell when I was younger but I appreciate not having to be on time for anything now. Yes I'm very lonely but it's a trade off. Wine and music help.

R61 I'm not universally unpopular (it's about 50/50 forever), but I always try to be punctual, because it is courteous and professional, even though I dislike about 90% of the people I know.

Of the folks denying that they think their time is more valuable, yet are habitually late, one question. If you know you're always late, why don't you plan on being 20 minutes early. Of course, it's because you don't want to sit around and wait for other people. Yet, you've proven numerous times that you are, in fact, unable to plan sufficiently well to be on time, so end up being late.

Of course, there are instances where being too early is also rude. In those cases, you can wait a few minutes before announcing yourself. But, the reality is that you'd rather make other people wait than sit around for a few minutes.

You know you are unable to estimate how long something takes. But, rather than stopping what you're doing, you continue and end up being late - and yet, you deny you think your time is more valuable or what you're doing is more important than what the other person was doing, but discontinued in order to be on time.

I know someone who is perpetually late for social engagements and I’m talking 4 hours late. she shows up at restaurants after we all are done eating and looks bewildered when told the kitchen is closed.

R57 I don't see anything here about people 5 minutes late - the range seems to be anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour late.

And even when "people who always run late" are five minutes behind, that excuse doesn't matter much to "OC" airlines like United or American or Southwest: they don't wait for some laggard's sorry ass if they can't get to the airport and through security on time - that plane's leaving whether you're on board or not.

Which makes me wonder why someone would have more respect for an airline's timetable than they do for a friend. Some friend.

What dinner lasts four hours r64?

It's a genuine psychological condition. People who do this do not do it (at least consciously) to make other people wait for them but because they're trying to squeeze in time to do other things, even if it's just basically farting around.

It can be cured, though, if the person makes a really conscious and concerted effort to make fixing it a priority. It is a DEEPLY annoying bad habit.

Exactly, R65, which makes its argument all the more stupid. You can guarantee that the, "I have temporal distance issues," moron, is able to be on time when he feels he needs to be or wants to be.

It is only afflicted with this, "condition," when it's convenient for him.

R65 - the OP was talking about lateness in general, some people do get pissed off at waiting for five minutes because they are the sort of people who think being on time is practically being late. Also, with airlines - no-one plans on getting there just before the plane leaves, there is always a wait to book in and go through security etc., but the people who are compulsively early will end up sitting around for ages whereas the people who tend to be late will arrive later than planned but, almost always, not miss the actual flight, except for the occasions when they do. So comparing that to meeting a friend for coffee is a false comparison.

R65 what are "OC" airlines? Write English and give up the alphabet soup.

Although I agree that 45 minutes/an hour is ridiculously late. I'm not defending those people except under exceptional circumstances. I'm talking about a much smaller amount of lateness.

I get incredibly stressed out and upset when I'm late for something. I think it's so disrespectful to whoever one is meeting.

I think someone above was talking about how I 'do care'? which seems odd because I never said I didn't care?......I was just annoyed at them for being an insufferable prick but that's DL for you.

Funny, how it projects about being insufferable and doesn't have the self-awareness to realize that's exactly how he comes across to everyone else.

R73 if you are routinely late, that implies you don't care. Make sense?

'It'? and you claim you're not insufferable lol. I bet everyone is just rushing to be on time to spend quality time with you.

Me, I said about five minutes. Did I say I was quoting anyone? again with the reading comprehension. I believe I explained this in R69. Also, why are you so invested in my 'behaviour'? it comes across as a little weird. Do you not have better things to worry about? possibly not...

R41 who said "bye" to someone here who disagreed with him, her, or it three hours ago is still here.

A dozen posts later.

[quote]I appreciate not having to be on time for anything now

What about for job interviews or doctors appointments? Do you show up two hours late for those too?

I had a friend who was always late. She was a disorganized mess. She was finally diagnosed with ADD and put on medication. Problem solved.

So sue me R78. I had a nice cup of tea and chat with my friend and now I'm back to my desk to work and thought I'd check posters I had ignored to lol at their responses. I lolled, it's fine.

Anyway, thanks for reminding me what a waste of time all of this is, truly. I mean it, thank-you. The opinions of strangers on the internet are not worth much at all, and being dragged into these things is a waste of emotional and intellectual energy that could be put into much more productive things.

x

R81 Then why are you still here?

Sorry R81, but if "the opinions of strangers on the internet are not worth much at all," why would you engage with those who disagree with your opinions a total of 15 times?

No one "dragged" you "into these things" that are indeed "a waste of emotional and intellectual energy that could be put into much more productive things." You chose to write back again and again, just as you chose to defend your tardiness and to diss people who make the effort to be timely. You sound like it's all about you and the schedules or preferences of those you've agreed to meet are of little or no importance - "chill," unclench" - was your advice. Perhaps it doesn't matter to you.

Perhaps (as you're seeing here) it does matter to others.

Ever heard of cocktails and socializing R66? We get together have a few drinks, then order, eat and take our time. Miss “I’m going to be an inconsiderate cunt” and keep hungry people waiting has been denied service more often than not because she shows up when the kitchen is closing.

Still projecting by calling others insufferable.

Exactly the point that's been raised here. People who are habitually late are not self-aware and can't view how other people see them. It can however project onto others how others feel about them.

[quote]No one "dragged" you "into these things" that are indeed "a waste of emotional and intellectual energy that could be put into much more productive things." You chose to write back again and again, just as you chose to defend your tardiness and to diss people who make the effort to be timely. You sound like it's all about you and the schedules or preferences of those you've agreed to meet are of little or no importance - "chill," unclench" - was your advice. Perhaps it doesn't matter to you.

No doubt it's activities like these which make it late so often

I agree with everything the OP wrote. I also loathe people that constantly ask for favors for the same reason.

[quote]dragged into these things is a waste of emotional and intellectual energy that could be put into much more productive things.

Like dealing with your mental issues and not being lazy and actually getting yourself some place on time without a bunch of pussy excuses?

CPT = Colored People's Time

I am often late. I don't think my time is more valuable or anyone else's . I am late because I hate to be "on". With other people you have to be " on". That means being polite, kind, considerate, and professional even when they are dumb, common, mean, obtuse, or unfocused. So really my lateness is caused by not being able to suffer fools gladly. I feel like I have to surrender a part of myself that feels free in order to please people who in the end don't give a damn about me. But I am never late to important things. Just things in general. I know a great many people like me. We take the long way round, we picks a time we know will slow up us up, we prepare our time at home poorly. But it is all just to steel ourselves against the public.

You sound deranged, r90.

Again, r90 sounds like she thinks she is more important than everyone else.

Seriously. It's exhausting.

r90 - you pretty much just said your time is more valuable than others.

So, R90, you're not only passive aggressive you're socially inept?

[quote]So really my lateness is caused by not being able to suffer fools gladly. I feel like I have to surrender a part of myself that feels free in order to please people who in the end don't give a damn about me. But I am never late to important things. Just things in general.

Ah, so r90, it's not that you think your time is any more valuable than anyone else's.

It's that you think that YOU are more valuable than everyone else and are on time only when it suits or benefits you.

Whenever someone says they don't suffer fools gladly....

You know they're the ones that everyone has to suffer through.

It's not just R90. In a nutshell, it's anyone here saying "My time is more valuable than yours." But if this is true...

"So really my lateness is caused by not being able to suffer fools gladly. I feel like I have to surrender a part of myself that feels free in order to please people who in the end don't give a damn about me."

Why then do you agree to meet up with anyone socially? I mean, if they don't give a damn about you, what could possibly motivate you to meet them? Clearly friends aren't of value to you if you truly believe it when you say, "I am never late to important things"

Friends = "Unimportant things," I guess.

R90 = Meghan

R89 do you have a death wish?

I'm guessing people who are late don't have important jobs. I really can't imagine a teacher, lawyer, doctor, police officer or military personnel being as undisciplined. Your ass would be out on the street. How was your tardiness tolerated at school? Assuming you went to school.

Have you ever met an academic, r99?

Home Schooling would explain a lot!

No schooling would explain a lot!

R100 in what country? Maybe the rules are more lax in the States, but that shit wouldn't fly in other countries. If students are banned from entering the classroom after the class/lecture has started, I can't imagine a teacher casually strolling in 20 minutes late.

I work with academics in the US, r103. Many are RARELY on time for meetings, etc. It's almost expected.

R103, you would be surprised. Professors often have a, "do as you say, not as I do," attitude, ie, they're hypocrites.

I have a friend who works at a University and the faculty are required to submit so many hours of training each semester. There's a deadline for them to submit it and the majority of them never submit on time and feel like they don't have to turn it in on time. They only turn it in when their checks finally get docked and then bitch about how they only got 3 warnings instead of 4.

My friend pointed once asked one of the Professors what would happen if a student turned in a paper late, and he flipped the fuck out on her.

[quote]It's the same for the mind - I 'trip over' time because the temporal distance between things I have to do or the places I have to be are also difficult for me to feel in the way that other people do. I always think I have more time to do something than I do or that whatever I have to do will take me less time than it does, we literally experience time differently to you, it doesn't make you better than us.

I have never in my life heard of anything like this and if I were to hear this as an explanation I would laugh in your face. What a crock of shit.

I'm always on time and I actually don't care at all if people are late. Even 45 minutes to an hour. Even an hour and a half. I like the time to think to myself, I enjoy my own company, I like to people-watch and daydream. I work with a big team so maybe that influences why I relish those quiet moments waiting for someone.

The only exception I have is when we have to get to a specific thing on time. For example tickets to a play that are now a waste of money because we missed curtain time. Or traveling with a friend and we miss, say, the last ferry to the next Greek island. But to be honest even if we miss the 3pm one and now have to get the 5pm one, I don't mind that at all.

The other exception is those cases (and they are rare) when you're waiting for someone, let's say an hour or so. You've gotten ready and might have shaved and cologned and everything, and then they cancel on you. But I suppose that's more the cancellation that's annoying than typical 'lateness'... the fact that you were waiting around for them just makes it a bit more annoying I guess because maybe you wouldn't have gotten ready, or could have spent the time better.

I do have a friend who was always late and we all made jokes about it, even he made self-deprecating jokes. I remember one time we were a bit drunk and after a few of these jokes, someone asked him: "why ARE you always late?" and he honestly and bluntly said it just took him a while to work up the confidence to come and hang out with everyone. This is quite a gregarious, fun-loving, almost loud friend so we were all a bit surprised.

But yeah... I don't mind waiting and you never know what people are going through.

Wow, you sound wonderful. I believe anxiety to be a bigger motivator for lateness than most would admit so your anecdate rings true. I guess I wonder why a person wouldn't just get his own tickets (so you can go into the theater without him) or tell everyone to order without him. That's the part I don't get. Does the late person really hope that this time he'll get his shit together to make it?

R108 sounds like self-esteem issues. That late (and not calling w/o a damn good reason, like, say, an ectopic pregnancy) is inexcusable.

It's nice you're laid back like that, and it's sad if your friend needs to boost his or her confidence at the expense of others, and if you miss the three o'clock ferry it's nice there's one you can take that leaves at five. But in my experience, if your friend isn't there to take the three o'clock [bold]plane[/bold], they charge a buttload of extra money to take the next one, even if that leaves at five o'clock. (In my experience, it usually doesn't...) If, as you mentioned you were to miss a show because of someone's tardiness, does the person whose lateness caused you to miss it reimburse you for the expense their unique specialness caused?

Does that matter to you? Someone - even someone with issues - who doesn't have that much concern for me or my finances let alone my feelings (because I want to get where I'm going or do what we planned and/or paid to do) might have my sympathy once but do it a couple of times and they won't have my friendship because friendship is a mutual thing - if I say I'll be there for you and I usually am, and you say you'll be there and constantly aren't w/o a reason, that's abusing my courtesy. I enjoy my own company, too, but not quite so much when someone else determines when I'll "enjoy" it.

As time goes on, I have less friends who are chronically late. I am almost OCD about not canceling on friends. If someone chronically cancels, then I have stop planning stuff with them. For work stuff, I am on time.

I use to have a problem being late but in my older years when I dont work anymore and Im not extremely busy I am always on time. My life use to be filled with meetings and appointmentss all day long and I traveled entire states and lived in big cities with lots of traffic, so its wasnt easy being punctual/I found calling ahead and not being over 30 minutes late......... ever.......... worked ok. I do agree, chronic lateness is passive aggressive behavior.

My mom has this problem and has had it for a long time. She got worse as she aged. When we were kids, we were always 30 minutes to 1 hour late for everything. She was always the one who held us up. Leaving for vacation to the oceanside on the East Coast was about a 4 hour drive. My dad would want to leave around noon. We inevitably left at 4 pm because of my mom's dawdling. She seriously has made farting around doing nothing into an art form. Then my brother married a woman just like her. The two of them together were an absolute nightmare. I remember once on a family vacation, they were almost two hours late getting out past late check-out time. The manager was furious and charged them an extra day for the room. My mom and sister-in-law were going on about how unfair that was. I was dumbfounded. You can't get your shit together, but that is everyone else's fault?

My mom was and is still just terrible about it. She'll tell my brother she's coming to visit. She showed up one Christmas Day four hours late and had her zillion excuses. The next year I stayed with her the day before Christmas to ensure she was on time. I aimed for 4 pm arrival but got her there at 5 pm. At least she admits she has a problem. I think it's anxiety coupled with control issues. She gets bent out of shape if someone pressures her to be on time and freaks out that she doesn't like to be on a schedule. She was also perpetually almost late for work. She'd walk in just as the clock hit the exact hour so she just barely made it. Did this every single work day for 25 years before she retired. They even joked about it at her retirement party.

I hated that so much as a kid, I'm pretty punctual now. If someone is anywhere up to 15 minutes late, I don't worry about it. But 30 minutes or more, especially without a phone call or some warning, really annoys the hell out of me. I usually just get up and leave.

I had a friend who would do that. He’d be so busy running his mouth, holding court with his fellow queens or his fag hags. And he’d never apologize for his tardiness. I brought it up a couple of times and he’d just shrug it off. Eventually, the friendship died from natural causes.

I'm not a super punctual person, nor am I a rigid stickler for other people's timeliness, BUT, have a friend (woman) who is well-known amongst a group of friends as always being late. We have tried different ways to manage her, telling her an earlier time for get-togethers etc with limited success. I think part of her pain in the ass behavior is her thinking it really doesn't matter much if she's late, we'll all have fun without her in the meantime, plus poor planning (such as doing two things back-to-back, late for both) puttering and dithering, taking a hundred hours to decide what to wear etc. Sometimes it truly doesn't matter if she is late, because indeed it's a bunch of us and we're doing our thing with or without her.

However, waiting on her for one on one meetings is some aggravating shit. One night we were supposedly meeting for a once a month dj/bar thing we like at the 10:00 pm start time. As we made our plans, she never mentioned she was having dinner with someone else before meeting me. I got to the neighborhood of the bar, circled and found parking. Texted her to say I found a space and ask her status. She texts back and says she is still at dinner and they are waiting for dessert. My head is immediately ready to explode. I ask her why, when it was clear she'd not be leaving the restaurant on time to meet when we'd agreed, she had not let me know in good time (say, at 9:30) that she would be, as usual, late. I would much rather wait at home for another half an hour that loiter in a bar by myself. her flippant fucking response was, "Well you know the party doesn't start till I get there!"

I started my car and left. I was at the gas station back in my neighborhood filling up when she texted saying she was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was almost home. SHE WAS SHOCKED! SHOCKED, I SAY! It blew her fucking mind that there might be consequences, that I would not automatically just accept her rudeness and wait till she deigned to show up. She told me she thought she "was doing better' at being on time. I clarified that she was not. However, she made more effort to be on time/communicative for a while after this night.

People in third world countries are always late.

A mix of a different sense of time not ruled by the clock, hierarchical ploy to keep the less important person waiting, and above all mismanagement of time like the mismanagement of everything else.

Love your story r30

I'm often 5 minutes late, rarely more than that. Partly that's just being optimistic about traffic. If I know it usually takes 10 minutes to get somewhere, I will NEVER leave an extra 10 minutes early just in cast traffic is slower than normal or that there won't be any parking places where I'm heading to - it would annoy me to arrive 10 minutes early and just hang around. Living in cities where you depend on public transit makes life even more complicated. If the subway is supposed to run every 10 minutes, but you hit a time during rush hour when something backs up and your train is 15 minutes late, how can you plan for that? Sometimes in my life I have lived within walking distance of work, and that was ideal for me. I could speed up or slow down my walking to arrive just on time.

I hate arriving at films early. I don't like to sit through trailers, or, even worse, arriving BEFORE the trailers and watching people coming in and selecting seats. That's like watching paint dry to me. I don't care if I sit next to my friends watching a film if they like to arrive early and watch trailers - we're not there to talk and can discuss it afterwards over a drink. However, I would make sure I left my home earlier to get to a plane or a $100/ticket event. I don't understand 1 hour-or-more habitually late people and I have known quite a few in my lifetime. 10 minutes late to a dinner invitation - no problem - you just gave the cook an opportunity to wash up before greeting guests. 1 1/2 hours late? That's just crazy.

R8, no, it's because you're an inconsiderate asshole.

"I think it's because I fluff around..."

Well I guess I'd be late if I were blowing a porn star too.

R55, I can relate.

I am that punctual guy partnered to a chronically late man. We get along wonderfully, have a great life together, and manage expectations with each other well. I have my own issues, and he tolerates them well. One of his issues is poor time management.

We've been together six years, and he has only been very late to meet me TWICE. On both occasions, he showed up extremely late, with no text about what was going on. I gave him a lecture, and sent him home (or went home myself), telling him I was canceling our date. He got very upset both times. That was five years ago, and he has never done it to me since.

Apparently I've had a positive effect on his punctuality. When meeting mutual friends, he/we are usually 10-15 minutes late, and it drives me nuts, but his friends tell me that I'm a life saver, in that he was always 45 minutes late, like clockwork, before he started dating me. They wonder how it was i was able to whip him into shape. But the way I see it, there are worse problems in the world. He's good to me, no substance abuse issues, no violence, no cheating, no meanness. Just a strange tendency to get very wrapped up in something that he thought would only take a few minutes.

Having been with him for years, and sharing a home together, I see it in action every day. I honestly don't think he's believing anyone else's time is less valuable than his - he is actually more polite than I am, believe it or not. He really gets sidetracked, though, and when you call him out on it, he apologizes and feels awful. These days, he is more aware of this tendency, and tries ahead of time to do better, and he does. Not perfect, and probably never will be...but there you have it.

What sidetracks him? Well, we will be getting ready to go out, with a goal to get to a certain place by a certain time, and he will suddenly remember something, like moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer, or turning on the dishwasher, or leaving windows open too long on a cold day...he'll go to correct something 'quickly', and he'll notice something strange in the process, and become very focused on it. He'll carefully examine how that shirt he put in the washer didn't successfully have a stain removed from all the treatment, and he will get upset about it, and put more stain remover on it - then he'll look online to find a better technique, because somehow he thinks that the clothes being WET will be the best timing for this, so it's now or never. Then he's on an internet spiral, getting confused about not finding the answer he thinks should naturally be there. He knows he's getting delayed, but he thinks it's really important because otherwise something will be 'ruined', and he'd rather risk lateness than ruin or waste something he worked hard for. That's essentially the issue. He doesn't know to plan for those random situations, or to just let them go, or to simply 'do less' in the first place (that 3rd load of laundry could have waited until next week, for instance). Meanwhile, I'm downstairs with my shoes on, waiting, and losing my mind...and sometimes going back upstairs to investigate and convince him to let it go, or provide a solution that gets us out of the house sooner. Many times, he'll go along with me, not always...

So no, I'm not accepting the theory that he's an asshole. The man has taken better care of me than my own family has, and he is loved by all our friends. He's a good person, with a bad habit that is slowly getting better over time.

Things are often more nuanced than we think. Sure, my story may not be the same as others', and some people doing this may in fact be arrogant narcissists, or divas trying to make an entrance. But sometimes there are other things at play.

I'm late to this thread.

No disrespect intended.

"...I was able to whip him into shape..."

Whatever it takes...

Marry me r123

If you are normally punctual, and then delayed by some circumstance, people will be more understanding on the rare exception that makes you tardy. If you’re always late and passively disruptive (shuffling in during a colleague’s presentation, messing with your personal items and pulling levers on your chair in a conference room), people unfortunately associate that with you, and may not want to deal with you electively (exclude you from a project or similar opportunity that you may want to be a part of).

A few of the posters philosophizing about their own “process” and not “having to be ‘on’ “ sound like mug cradling-types who work for people who are more structured and purposeful. The comment regarding “suffering fools “ sounds really phony and self-important. Blech.

Everything r125 said.

I also think a subset of always-late people possess histrionic traits. When you come in late to eg a meeting, all attention in the room is focused on you.

Someone who gets "distracted," with other tasks and spirals into an obsessed fit of cleaning, research, etc, IS in fact valuing their time more than others. Spin it any way you want, however, the very fact that they are not cognizant that they are engaging in an activity that will make them late, and make others wait for them, means they are focused on themselves and putting their time above others.

I'm amazed at the seeming disconnect in some replies here - you'd hate to be early (loss of your time) but have no issues about making someone else wait for you. You people can't be talking about friends here - friends are people you respect and one way of doing that is by showing them the respect their friendship deserves: they're on time, you're on time.

Some of you seem to be talking about "acquaintances," sure; maybe "people you know," and there's no valid reason to keep them waiting either, but if you're seriously late w/o a text or a call, you're not treating anyone like a friend.

[quote]Three sisters who are my cousins.

Are you southern?

I am pretty intolerant. If the person is habitually late they don’t have much space in my life. I got rid of most of those flakes that’s not cute.

"...if it takes me a little while to pull myself together, and if I smoke a little grass before I get up the nerve to show my face to the world, it's nobody's god damned business but my own."

I had a friend who was always late for everything. Each time we made a detailed plan to meet up he was late. One time I mentioned it to him when he finally arrived: that he was always late. He became offended and would bring it up various times later. I think he was shocked I had said anything and also unable to really see himself the way I was seeing him. Anyway, he died.

[quote]it would annoy me to arrive 10 minutes early and just hang around... Living in cities where you depend on public transit makes life even more complicated. If the subway is supposed to run every 10 minutes, but you hit a time during rush hour when something backs up and your train is 15 minutes late, how can you plan for that?

r118, yes, it would be annoying, probably almost as annoying as it is for the other person who is hanging around just waiting for you when you arrive late.

How can you plan for late transit - I'd suggest by being willing to inconvenience yourself, rather than inconvenience other people. If that means leaving 10 minutes early and waiting, that's the difference between being self-involved and being considerate.

We had a friend in our group who was always late to everything by at least an hour and if she wasn't it was because she would cancel at the last minute (meaning, she'd call and say she wasn't coming 30 minutes after she was supposed to be somewhere).

Anyway, she finally got hers as she decided to hold an event at the home she had just moved in to. She went all out, got it catered, etc. There were 15 of us that were invited over. This was not planned, but at the last minute, every single person ended up having to cancel.

She was furious and we basically never heard from her again.

The chronically late man that I know is late because he consistently underestimates the time it will take to get there. But he also underestimates the time it’ll take to do whatever he’s doing before he leaves. So he’ll start a task that it’s obvious he hasn’t a hope of doing in the time available. Good manager otherwise but useless here. It runs in the family so I presume it’s childhood learned behaviour.

I'm amazed that so many people can rationalize their own bad behavior.

No one (judging from the responses) can say it's acceptable - for any reason - to be late without giving the person waiting for you a heads-up if you're going to be more than a few (for me, no more than 10) minutes late. Mobile phones are ubiquitous nowadays.

If it's habitual, why do people who're always late make plans to meet someone? A poster upthread said he has to steel himself to be "on" with other people and that's why, like Harold in BitB, he's always late. So why agree to do something you're not going to do? The deal isn't usually, "I'll be there." It's "I'll be there at 8" (or whenever.) By the same token, why do people make plans with people they know, from experience, won't be there when they say they'll be? That person has no respect for your time and by extension, you.

Again and again, people here have said "I'll be there on time if it's important" - like, say, catching a plane or a doctor's appointment. That's saying, in contrast, that their "friend" isn't as important. Some friend.

What r136 said

I'm always late too. I despise getting up in the morning. I'm a university professor and finally just told the provost NO MORE 8:00 am classes.

I fluff around, BITCH.

Cannot stand people who can't manage time or schedules.

Are chronically late people late to interviews? The question was asked above but I didn't see an answer.

This thread has made me a little more and a little less compassionate: more if the person might have ADD or some other reason to miscalcuate little distractions and how long it'll take to attend to them; and less when I read something like the above poster who doesn't want to arrive early and endure previews so he shows up late.

It's nuanced, for sure, but the problem is, the people left waiting for you are also nuanced, and there's no consideration for them/us. For example, some of us do have a problem asserting that we deserve better--but tough shit because after all, the late person has social anxiety and blah blah.

My nephew's wife is always late to the point of missing her plane (which has a connecting flight) while traveling with her baby. Now imagine being passengers in a terminal with a baby that's been screaming for hours.

Better than a baby on the plane that's been screaming for hours...

I suspect, R139, that it's more likely people will be getting over you.

And if that happens, it'll be a win-win for everyone.

Exactly, r141.

When my own time is affected, I am much less concerned about wasting time/getting lost in tasks/etc.

When other people's time is affected, I do everything in my power to be on time and not make others wait.

And I do have anxiety/depression, and it is hard at times to "be social" or whatever. But you do it. It's part of being a considerate human being.

If you know you have ADD or any other issues, leave earlier! Not that hard.

R145: "It's part of being a considerate human being."

Sadly, that used to matter. Now, not so much.

If i can sit, i really don't mind waiting.

I'm almost never late for friends and family. Never late for interviews. I allowed being late or absent for classes because its my money (or at least debt).

I can't imagine telling someone I'm somewhere for say, 6pm and getting there even 6:30 without ample notice.

I do wish society conducted business an hour later. 7-8am anything is still a small torture and I'm supposedly a grown adult.

To above saying that spending time with a friend isn't important - it depends. Is it a friend gathering? Is that friend gathering with a certain procedure? Is the private meetup just a casual hangout? While I am almost obsessive about communicating properly, I have more forgiveness towards others. If I want a couple of frequently-met friends over for a game night at 7 and I don't detail anything important about it, I'm more than okay with them being up to an hour late without notice. That's just more time for me to prepare or relax.

Classic passive-aggressive.

But what are YOUR faults, OP????

We’ve all got ‘em...

*OP gets up to leave in a huff and diet pills spill out of her bag*😱😱😱😱

r151 = classic deflection

(And is probably always late)

Never once has my mother been early for anything.

We were always the last kids each and every day to be picked up from school. Flying home from college she would arrive at least an hour after the flight had landed.

Always. Fucking. Late.

When she dies I have decided to leave the bitch for a month or 6 before she's buried. If I find her dead in her house, I might quietly close the door and wait a week until she's discovered.

What a bunch of namby-pamby bullshit. Punctuality is helpful but it's not an indicator of moral rectitude, FFS. I'm consistently 5-10 minutes late and it's never because I'm an asshole or selfish or don't care about others, it's because I am anxious and disorganised and easily distracted by nonsense. Weakness does not equate to meanness. I used to feel mountains of shame for my habitual (but minor) lateness and now I realise there are far worse social crimes than this. Control freaks can get to fuck.

[quote]Control freaks can get to fuck.

Yes. While we're waiting for you.

[quote]. Control freaks can get to fuck.

I love that the idiot who is always late is trying to claim others are the control freaks.

R155 Sounds rough.

I had a friend who was consistently late for dinner invites. I put up with it for years. Finally one time she arrived an hour late and informed me that she was no longer eating chicken and could I fix her something else. I said, "No, I am not a short order cook!" Never saw or heard from her again. I wish I had done it earlier. Being late is a power trip, pure and simple.

R154 “namby-pamby bullshit” sounds both weak and mean.

People who are habitually late are simply poor time-managers, and no amount of other excuses really matter. You're an adult. Learn to manage your time.

Anyone who says "I am late because........" has already concluded that they know it and will do nothing about it. They don't care.

Selfish asses. Most of them are narcissists with excuses.

Exactly r161

R154 also has fibromyalgia and owns a service animal that she pushes in store shopping carts.

R90 your ON now!!!!

[quote]your ON now!!!!

Oh, dear!

R90 sounds woke.

Anyone that is habitually late for anything especially dinner, is an absolute CUNT

I've found that people who are habitually late usually have some sort of mental illness. And of course they're always quick to anger and try to deflect their bad behavior (i.e., R12). They are completely unable to view how everyone else sees them as deranged and unpleasant.

If you notice you don’t see too many people that are over 50 doing that bullshit because they’ve gotten shunned and they get a reality check.

There was a straight guy, German, in our clique very good looking you know classic tall blonde hair blue eyes sexy accent and he was perennially late at every event and got excused for years because of his beauty. People made excuses for him and said he was just a little flaky

Suddenly he got that middle-age spread and his teeth began to get gaps and his hair grayed basically he lost his looks. And people stopped forgiving him for being late!! His tardiness became a topic of conversation. I dropped him for other reasons but I had long grown tired of his flakiness and stopped extending him invitations. .

Now he’s married to a foreign Hispanic woman a real bitch who makes sure his ass is on time or so I’ve heard.

Being late is a young person’s game when you’re older most people aren’t going to be so forgiving unless of course you’re a white female with a family to enable you.

[quote]What a bunch of namby-pamby bullshit. Punctuality is helpful but it's not an indicator of moral rectitude, FFS.

But, it is an indicator of self-absorption and utter lack of consideration for other people and their time.

[quote]I'm consistently 5-10 minutes late and it's never because I'm an asshole or selfish or don't care about others, it's because I am anxious and disorganised and easily distracted by nonsense. Weakness does not equate to meanness. I used to feel mountains of shame for my habitual (but minor) lateness and now I realise there are far worse social crimes than this. Control freaks can get to fuck.

Sorry, but being "disorganized" IS a personal failure because there are specific techniques to improve one's own organizational skills, you're just not interested in being organized.

The meanness is not in being weak. The meanness of spirit comes from making excuses for your easily rectifiable failures and utter contempt for other people. And no, you didn't feel an iota of shame for being late, otherwise you would have done something about it. You accepted it and made everyone around you accept it.

And, as final proof, you equate people being prompt and expecting you to be prompt as their trying to control you. YOU do it on purpose to rebel and assert your independence from social convention - and you don't even know it.

All of these people who keep using excuses like, "time gets away from me..." "I get wrapped up in another project..." "I am anxious..." "I'm disorganized..."

Maybe use all the energy it takes to convince yourself that those aren't just pathetic excuses and apply it instead to actually being on time.

Not a single person with those excuses has been able to get around the notion that if they have those issues, and they know they have to be somewhere at say, 3 p.m., then they can tell make sure they set aside 20 or 30 minutes, whatever you need, and leave earlier.

And the reason they can't is because 1) it's common sense and 2) in reality, THEY don't want to be the one waiting for someone else.

[quote] The meanness of spirit comes from making excuses for your easily rectifiable failures and utter contempt for other people

You spend too much time & effort on being a troll. Get another hobby.

R168 Have to agree.

My mother is insane. 2 acre garden, once magnificent not overgrown on a par with the Amazon. Announced that she wants to construct 2 new 60 x10 foot long flower beds in another part of the garden to accommodate the several hundred David Austen roses she has been accumulating.....I asked her who would look after them,pointing out the already neglected garden. I will she replied. She's 76 and has osteoarthritis.

Self-made woman, but she's now in Grey Gardens territory.

I actually get ill feeling when I am running late. My first job my boss used to say "if you are on time, you are late"

Agreed R172, lots of concern trolling on this thread. Some people seem to be far too invested in 'correcting' the behaviour of others.