I'm in college and haven't hooked up with any guys yet. How does one make it happen?

Invest in some Bacardi 151?

Since this post was written in 1993, your answer will come from 1993 -- library bathroom, old section, 3rd floor.

R2 Grindr nor Tinder existed in 1993.

Bend, and snap!

Verificatia?

Oh I went to school and could have had a really good time had I known. One boy had the hots for me and I was just too dumb to accept the pass.

Transfer to Wrigleyville State University ASAP

[quote] How do I get the ball rolling?

I can;t believe we have to explain this yet again.

1) Invest in a caftan and some earrings.

2) Pre-lube.

3) Find a cute guy on campus.

4) Bend over, lift the caftan, and present hole.

5) Offer a well-timed "YUM!"

Voila!

Op, Join the gay-straight alliance or other LGBTQRSTUSVWXA groups on campus. They should have parties and social stuff happening.

R9 Okay, that's good advice. I actually started attending this one club's meetings and I realized if I attended clubs more regularly I could really get to know people.

The first sex I had in college was with my first year roommate. When I heard him jacking off I offered to help. No help to you, OP.

Drama club, glee club, wrestling! Use your head.

Do things that are fun where you can laugh alongside others. Be aware that hookup culture has a lot of people who don't like themselves, and will not necessarily treat you with respect, much less tell you the truth about their health status. It's best to be patient and look for someone who has a good heart. Avoid guys who are impatient and pushy; letting them move on is more often than not the same as dodging a bullet.

Fancy dress.

The op could get involved with the campus gay groups. I think they're on almost every campus in the U.S. except the hyper religious schools.

Hell when I worked at Brown University there was a staff Gay Employees meetup. I went to one, the leering was a bit to much for me though.

How insufferable can one be on Grindr in your first year of college? I would definitely download the app. If only to check out the guys.

Go to clubs (nightclubs). Go to parties. Make friends with other kids in your class. Ask the other students if they want to start a study group to prepare for tests and stuff. When you go to the food court, say hi to people in line with you, join single people at their table, talk to people at the book store, go to office hours with your profs and talk to the other students hanging around, join intramural groups (clubs, touch football, student government, whatever etc). Talk to everyone, make friends, make friends with those friends' friends.

College age adults are the most friendly people on the planet. If you can't make friends there, you'll never make them anywhere.

Hang out with the theater people or the male members of singing groups on campus. I predict you'll be laid within a week.....

OP Wash your stinky feet.

OP honey? You’re fine. You situation is quite normal with the Z generation. Take some of the DL advice, take it easy (or just take a vike), take a deep breath and go for it.

Try being a lesbian who graduated 3 years ago and yet has never been laid or even been on a date. Thanks, depression and internalised phobia and FOI/body issues. But maybe this will be my year..

What is FOI?

Lesbian graduate,

Do you have any lesbian friends? What kind of place do you live in? (Rural? City?)

Stop playing pokemon on the campus and look around, sis. Cocks are everywhere if you're horny and pretty.

what if you're not pretty i'm going back to school later this year

R2 is probably one of the sluts I slutted with in Bender Library.

Follow his suggestion, OP.

Find a gay ho and politely ask if you could have some of his cast-offs.

R24 if you are not pretty, then you must be loaded, sis.

R22 thanks for asking. I do not have friends at all, just a supportive sib and some extended family scattered around. I live in a tiny riverside town with an aged population and a provincial outlook, where the only lesbians amongst the -6000 residents are a 60-something pair of crusty angry bulls. I know I need to leave and come out but I really struggle to socialise and always have, including when briefly moved away for 2 years to College (I was a Theater Researxh grad, lived with 10 other people in one small house, had a breakdown, it was ugly). I want to change and break out but I only have a low paying part time gig and controlling parents who won’t let me go. I could use some guidance and have seen therapists/life coaches for free sessions. It feels to me like I just need one last mysterious block in my psyche to break and get out but idk what it is. I have taken a few weekend trips with my brother away from home lately, just to see there’s other life.

I feel for OP. As much as asexuality is valid and you should only have sex when you’re ready, you can’t help but feel pangs of loss when you see teens and College kids who are obviously dating and enjoying intimacy.

Faux naif troll is back.

Hooking up was the logical development of things people don't do anymore: hanging out, practising sports, listening to music, having a drink, cooking together...

Screens (smartphones) are what's keeping people at arm's length, even when they're right next to you. First get rid of the smartphones, then hook up. But you'll need to do all the other physical stuff first (and relax)

Alcohol. dim lighting, and a good mix-tape. That's how we did it in the olden days.

R13 wisest response so far.

R17 That's what I did back in college/undergrad. It worked fine.

OP, do you live in a proper college town or is it a smaller school in your area? If it’s a college town there should be plenty of options to hook up with hot college guys at their own dorms/apartments. If you’re not looking for a relationship, go on Grindr, and no— not just to hook up right away. If you’re in a college town with a lot of cute young guys you should be able to find a conversation on there that could lead to a fuck buddy relationship. Or even a one time thing. But it doesn’t necessarily need to be that sleazy. I’ve met some interesting people on Grindr in my time— but yes, you must wade through the mire a bit and be patient, Just see what’s out there. Obviously the others’ advise about being involved in other activities you enjoy to meet guys is great, but the Grindr thing takes virtually no effort and is a way to just get the ball rolling.

R28, it's me, the lesbian from above. I have to go to work now, but i will write you back this evening.

Pay them. In booze or money

This post is so fake. No college guy calls people “insufferable”.

Ahhhhhh, r31 that sounds nice.

My advice OP is to take time to walk around and explore parts of campus/departments other than your own. I stupidly stayed almost exclusively in my own department, focused on my schoolwork, the entire time. I didn't find a single potential love interest there....and I was too nervous about outing myself anyway. And I was in an arts department! Yet there were no gay or bi guys I was into or who were into me. It was a big opportunity wasted.

Now I realize the whole time there were hot middle eastern guys studying finance and business....sexy cerebral types studying philosophy and social science....fit metrosexuals studying engineering...and if I had walked the halls of those buildings on campus I'd have surely befriended some guys with whom sexual exploration would have been a possibility. AND I wouldn't have been outing myself to my peer group, who were all in another building.

So don't fall for the BS that queers are all in the arts. They ain't.

And also don't think that it's always parties and hookup aps where the magic takes place. Why have a trashed person slobber and puke on you when you can converse and flirt soberly with a hot exchange student over how "confusing" the campus layout is. Play dumb and ask a hot guy for directions. Get used to walking up to hot guys NOW. Trust me!! After you graduate you'll never have the excuse to do so again. You literally have potential fuck buddies all around you. They all also want to get laid....and they'll do it with you if you relax, dress decently, prove yourself witty and affable and seize the opportunity.

If I could go back, I would do my schoolwork, and spend the rest of the time meeting as many hot guys as possible. Now, I'm older and in the real world, where if you walk up to some hot guy he knows you're up to something. At college, you're literally minutes away from getting into a cute stranger's dorm room for any old reason! TAKE ADVANTAGE NOW.

They're horny and they're walking all around you. Break the ice with them, smile, grab a beer or throw a frisbee or ask how they like their classes, you're thinking of taking one in their department... whatever works.

GO GET THAT DICK! LOL

Join the campus gym. Holy shit, do it NOW.

Hooking up with mins is what college is FOR.

"mins" ???

R37 My post is not fake, I'm being completely honest.

Thank you guys so much for all the suggestions! I will take it easy and continue to participate in clubs/events. It's just sort of heavy to know that the people around me are having these experiences in their freshman year and I haven't-but I won't stress it as their experiences are different from mine. I'll just focus on being more involved at school.

Some people asked me questions that I will respond to later when I have time. Thanks!

R38 Oh my god this post is gold lol!!! I needed this pep talk.

[quote]r28 I have taken a few weekend trips with my brother away from home lately, just to see there’s other life.

Does he live in another town? Can you branch out by moving there?

Some sort of group therapy or support group might be good for you, as a way of testing relating to ther people (?)

If you can't hook up in college, just end it now.

Back in my college days (90s) we always knew that the library restrooms were a hotspot! Don’t know if that still applies, but had plenty of action there.

I like the therapy suggestion R44 as it sounds R20 has a lot of self-loathing and mistrust going on, but I would worry about that being her first experience of opening up ie intimacy which she says she struggles with. I mean you get good therapy groups and then you get the rooms full of whiners nd hypochondriacs and crazies a la Parker Posey in ‘Drunks’. And women put in vulnerable positions like this can sometimes be viewed like sitting ducks. Probably smarter for her to walk in the door of an Lgb Org or crunchy-granola cafe/bookstore in the nearest big city on her next day off and ask for signposting no? And is there an app for lesbians to organise meets etc? I just feel like positive motivation may be in order here.

This is a harder case to handle than OP because it seems like she’s a few years older and has had time for depression and isolation to bed in. Due to lack of money moving in with family elsewhere may be another viable option like you said but being (excuse me) an Unknownwith a community college arts degree and coming from a cowtown hows she gonna pay rent? I feel sorry for her and wish I had better suggestions. Unsure unwell women don’t get encouragement they need a lot of the time in our society and I wonder if that has contributed to the rise of the FTM nutsos..

R28

[quote] I do not have friends at all, just a supportive sib and some extended family scattered around. I live in a tiny riverside town with an aged population and a provincial outlook, where the only lesbians amongst the -6000 residents are a 60-something pair of crusty angry bulls. I know I need to leave and come out but I really struggle to socialise and always have, including when briefly moved away for 2 years to College (I was a Theater Researxh grad, lived with 10 other people in one small house, had a breakdown, it was ugly). I want to change and break out but I only have a low paying part time gig and controlling parents who won’t let me go. I could use some guidance and have seen therapists/life coaches for free sessions. It feels to me like I just need one last mysterious block in my psyche to break and get out but idk what it is. I have taken a few weekend trips with my brother away from home lately, just to see there’s other life.

Well, I think the first question is what would you like to do with your life? What kind(s) of a career do you want? What kind of a career do you think you'd be well-suited for? (Sometimes those two questions have different answers.) What would you like to be doing in five years?

Second, where does the sibling live? In a nearby city? In the same town as you? Do you have any friends from years past who are living anywhere else?

Third, are you within near traveling distance of a larger city?

Fourth, why do you think you've always had problems socializing? (And have you ever thought of anti-anxiety pills?)

Fifth, are you American or Brit?

(BTW, older, "angry" bulls sometimes didn't have it so easy in life.)

I was hooking up in high school so maybe we were precocious in the Seventies.

But nudity is all it took, then, usually the first person you're alone with nude that's not family is time to go for it OP. Have you no balls?

Once we started drinking then we knew we were doing the right thing. What is all this shit with computer fucking anyway? So that's how you do it. Stay in school OP!

[quote]I'm in college and haven't hooked up with any guys yet. How does one make it happen?

Have a really big dick. Works every time.

[quote]r47 Being (excuse me) an unknown with a community college arts degree and coming from a cowtown, how's she gonna pay rent?

If she is concientious and thorough, she can do in-home elderly care. Or just any survival job where she doesn't have to deal too much with others, to start. If she's with her brother, he'll help her out ... as it sounds like this is bordering on life-and-death, as far as quality of life goes.

It is hard to get decent jobs without people skills and friends/contacts. Life requires a certain amount of charm, for most. But everyone has good qualities that can be developed. Then you have to find a crowd that appreciates them.

Oooops ... my spelling isn't very [italic] [bold] conscientious.

R47, that was a good post.

(I'm the lesbian uptop with all the questions.)

Also, what is theatre research? Is that like being a dramaturg (literary/historical/performance research)? Or closer to historical preservation (ie theatres the physical structures)?

OP must weigh 325 lbs

R22 thank you again for your concern. It’s R20, just reading this after coming back from a short bout of a nasty cold virus. I’ve had time to mull over your questions and comments, and it has made me think.

First let me apologise for my comment about elder lesbians being “angry bulls”. You’re right that they’ve had struggles I can’t imagine and that life has likely shaped their personalities that way. They’ve never been unkind to me directly or indirectly to my knowledge and that should be the metric I judged them on. Country habits. They do intimidate me, but I hope one day to at least find the courage to tell them to their face that I appreciate theirs.

As for your questions: I want to live and work as a writer/composer of lyrics - whether for stage, screen or my own personal projects I do not care. My goal is just to craft beautiful musical words and have people hear them, that’s it. I have always had a magnetic draw towards sung and spoken word and believe that is my path. Ideally I would also like to work with a small team of creators who are also friends, freelance, out of a small private place where I can have a dog and a girlfriend and drink whiskey in peace like any respecting lesbian wants. In five years (so, my early 30s) I’d love to be making enough money to live independent of my family and to choose projects/set my own hours, but I’m realistic enough to understand that might entail moving home a lot or renting a place. That said I would feel more secure owning property.

I was actually raised and schooled to be a humanities scholar and the expectation from my family is that I would lecture at universities and write academic books (my family are grasping middle class people, and I have the cliché smothering mother and neglectful/ignoring father). I attempted to follow the advised path for me and found it so unstimulating I almost failed out of University (hence I have a 2 year Theater Studies BA instead of a 4 year Classical History/Literature MA...). I wrote poems all the time until I hit 19. I became very depressed and overweight so I didn’t go to class or socialise at all in HS or college, meaning I can’t hit anyone up to crash on their couch as great as that idea is.

My brother lives with me and my parents but sometimes goes to stay in the next countywith his foreign gf in a small dorm. I could crash with them for a while but three’s kind of a crowd and it’s only a very temporary accommodation. The gf will probably stay with our family once she graduates. The nearest big cities to me are over an hour away by bus or train, with a couple of large towns closer by. I don’t drive (can’t pass the exam for some reason) so I rely on public transport, but as I live in England that isn’t too much of an issue.

Finally, as to the SA problems, I’ve just never really been a comfortable “joiner” or someone who liked having people around for close constant company. I had friends as a little kid and a young teen but only hung out with them to stop myself getting picked on even more by mean girls, like a buffer zone. I’ve never had an ‘after-school/work’ social life and I’ve never had friends who shared my interests. I post on several forums & besides DL to fulfil my social interaction needs, but I know I need and want more than that to be a complete human being. I was once given pills to regulate my moods in conjunction with birth control and it drove me suicidal, so I’m gonna have to pass on the tablets thanks. Therapy has also been a difficult fruitless experience for me, as even paying for psychologists to advise me has led to them calling me and my experiences “abnormal” or them telling me to “get out more” (they think I don’t know that?).

Overall I feel my problem is a disconnect between mind/intellect and the rest of my body/being. I know what my issues are and what I should do to resolve them objectively but my body & heart won’t follow through and do any of that.

Thanks for listening. This forum and the gay people on it have been a lifesaver to me for several years and have come through once more.

Snark about 1993 all you want, R2. That system produced instant and satisfying results.

By contrast, mucking about on ho hum social media? Not so much.

R20/R55, it's me--the lesbian from above. Look, I have to get to work now, but I shall write you back late this evening.

I probably should have mentioned I just retired and I'm going back to school to get my second degree. The college gives a huge discount if you are a senior citizen. They have a great "non traditional student" program.

Most DLers went to college in the 80s/90s.

Anyway, if you refuse to do the apps, you gotta put in leg work. Find the fun gay guys at your college, become part of their social network. Get invited to the parties.

Or you can ignore the university scene and just hit up the gay bars in your city assuming your university is in a city.

R58 wins the internet!

LOL

R20 I'm of a similar age and also have no experience. Well, I also failed to realize that I might be a lesbian until after I graduated, and I've spent a lot of time hence flailing about on the issue of my sexuality, which hasn't helped. Actually I think that's the bigger issue, the flailing about and being a socially anxious shut-in.

^so like the inverse of LUG? Damn. How is that going for you, stranger?

I concur with the kaftan remark up thread. Get a kaftan.

Wear your penis outside your pants.

R62 Horribly. I'm still in denial for some reason. A friend told me to try dating apps and said I'd probably do fine, but I can't do much in my current state. An eldergay told me that things will eventually work out, but I can't see how.

God, now I sound like a drama queen.