Lentil farts.

$18

I've been eating lentils this week, and my farts are no different than with other foods. Maybe it's the meat you substituted.

I had that happen with my split pea soup . I was astounded at how foul they smelled.

They were meatless R2. I eat a good amount of lentils, but for some reason my farts are just extra bad today. I had a lot of broccoli earlier in week, could be the combination of the two.

R4 it really is astounding how horrid legumes smell coming out the other end!

I've noticed that every time I eat Indian food, my farts and shits smell like the monkey/ape exhibit at the local zoo, seriously. Thankfully I'm single ATM, but if I was in a relationship I'd definitely have to cut back on Indian (which would be kind of a shame because I do enjoy it)

Vegetarian sausage = oxymoron

Legume farts are the worst farts.

[quote]They were meatless [R2].

Then don't describe them thus: "substituting meat for lentils."

Oh fuck off R8. I'm tired and I stink.

It's the broccoli, OP.

Legumes are good for you.

We’re they canned Goya lentils?

Were*^

Yes, I reckon you're right R10. I love broccoli and eat a lot of it but hadn't had it in a few weeks.

No R12, they were Woolworths lentils.

Some of you who talk about flatulence are super crass and gross. I can't imagine how any guy would want to date you. I would think at the beginning of your dates, the guy would be compelled to throw up and dump you. learn to control your bodies its not being prudish, but common sense. Yes its possible to control your body your body and not be obnoxious and completely crass. Usually your body is telling you, you need to go to the bathroom and have a bowel movement uh? hello?! I notice this is usually a subject that is an obsession with MANY, not all, gays, white trash, and guys who sit on their lazy boy couches drinking beer, and OD on watching sports on TV.

BTW, charcoal chips prevents you from having NO smell. I heard they taste like leather soles of shoes but its worth it.

Well smell you R15! Have you ever actually passed wind? You sound a little uptight. Maybe you should relax and let one slip. You might even enjoy it. And for the record, charcoal tabs made my dogs farts worse, so I'm not even going there.

Did you rinse the lentils before adding them to your recipe??

BEANO

Yes R17, gave them a good rinse.

R5 I'm not fond of Indian cuisine, but when I've been eating spicy foods I have the worst smelling stools. Really acrid, like sweaty Mediterranean armpits on a hot day.

Good lord, this is the 21st Century. Just keep a stash of Beano on hand, or some generic label version of it. In spite of the label directions, take it before, during, and after your meal.

[quote]substituting meat for lentils.

Huh?

Should I have written replacing meat with lentils? I used lentils instead of meat in the recipe.

OP, the complex sugars in lentils (raffinose if I remember correctly) might not be able to be broken down in your body by your current gut bacteria and so some of them might instead be fermenting and causing such a bad smell in your gas. Try reducing the amount of lentils to an amount that doesn't cause the issue, and build up from there over time. The bacteria that feed off those sugars will increase in number if you eat the food that they eat, but you can't go from 0 to 100 or else you get all the negative side effects (gas, bloating, diarrhea, etc.). Hope that helps.

OP where can I find the recipe? Im not afraid of lentils.

"vegetarian sausage rolls"

It cracks me up that vegetarians who hate meat are always trying to make their nasty shit taste like meat.

My farts don’t stink

Lentils are nothing. Try garlic stuffed green olive farts. 😂

Thank you R23. That is very interesting and helpful.

R24 it's an old Women's Weekly recipe I tweaked from one of my mum's old cookbooks. I use •2 cans of lentils •1 onion, diced •1 clove of garlic, diced •1 carrot, grated •1 tablespoon tomato paste •1 teaspoon dried oregano •1 egg •1/2 cup of breadcrumbs •4 sheets puff pastry I glaze with either egg or milk and top with sesame and poppy seeds.

R25 I'm not vegetarian but sometimes I just feel like not having meat.

I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!

Oh yeah they would reek R27!

OMG ate broccoli earlier this week and that is what you think it is? Mary if that ain't digesting within a day you have issues!

R15 accuses everyone of being preoccupied with farts, yet she's the only poster here who took the time to contribute a novella-length post to this thread. The cunt doth protest too much, methinks.

OP, if you are anything like me, the onion and garlic might also be an issue. I have an issue with some FODMAPs, and onion and garlic are 2 of the worst, pretty common in a lot of people.

Many non-native English speakers, especially Italians, have trouble with the idioms "substitute for" and "replace with"—they switch them around. I think the idioms are the opposite in their language.

Old bottoms should be transitioning to Ensure to avoid digestive issues like this

Take charcoal tablets

Does anyone find the sound and smell of a fart to be an aphrodisiac?

The way you wrote your OP it sounds like you used meat instead of lentils. Rather than focusing on your winds you should focus on your writing skills.

OP, I don't think it's your chest you're getting it off of. That being said, this explains that joke on "The Nanny" where Fran ends up with that big fat baby and goes to change its diaper and nearly passes out and says, "Too many lentils in their diet!"

Of course, this is also the episode where C.C. walks in just as Maxwell says, "I don't think we have any old nipples around here", causing Niles to nearly have a heart attack.

If your farts stink it’s because you’re full of backed up shit. Take a dump you rotten ass bitch!

R40 Strong coffee prevents my backing up. When it comes out, it sounds like the old Maxwell House percolator commercial music.

OP thanks for the recipe. I'm going to give it a try .

OP are you going to Fart 'til Lent

I learned long ago what foods would produce the most and odiferous gas. Depending on the situations I'll be in I load up on the right foods.

Jessica Marbles, alarmed: I smell gas!

Elderly Nurse: I can't help it. I'm old.

Jessica Marbles: No, the kind that kills!

Elderly Nurse: Sometimes my gas......

R41 = the coffee cunttata

I don't say FART I say PASSING WIND.

My late grandfather referred to is as "raising dust".